Author's note: Hey guys! :) Got you a new update that's just a bit late, but yeah, you know how it goes. Not to worry, because this story is developing a lot inside my mind and I really want to keep moving forward with this despite the updating hiccups. Thank you for the support and the funny jokes, you guys are amazing! 3
Maybe Soujiro in this story will get pregnant from all the sex. What do you guys think?
ALSO. I am actually thinking about writing a one shot type of fic (or a 'ficlet' of sort) as a branch to my first fanfic, "Eyes Of Truth". What do you guys think of that? I'm thinking of writing one of either.. Either a humorous ficlet told by Dr Gensai while they were all on that trip to that fancy hotel, or a long one shot of Eyes Of Truth told by Kenshin's POV. Cast your vote and I will decide within the next couple of chapters for what to write!
Without further ado.. here's "Keep On Loving You". If you guys have any song suggestions for titles, let me know in the reviews!
"You should have seen by the look in my eyes
That there was something missing
You should have known by the tone of my voice
But you didn't listen
You play dead, but you never bled
Instead you lie still in the grass all coiled up and hissing."
- Cigarettes After Sex
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"Jesus Christ."
Was all my mouth could produce in a gasp as my eyes scan the room I'm in. The room being, of course, Soujiro's own privately attached bathroom. The walls, primed to a soft ivory tone, appeared holy-like with the help of the marble floors that feels cool under my feet. His white oval sink is big enough to scrub a baby animal in it if Soujiro ever felt the need to, coupled with an impressive silvery sink head that no doubt costs more than Hiko's house mortgage alone. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but whatever. Fake potted plants here and there takes up the sleek appearance up a notch. My eyes could not simply take in all of the details because it just appears as one big dream of expensive delights to make up this entire living space. There's a nice ivory cast, old fashioned bath tub that seems strangely inviting for some reason.
And can I talk about the fucking walk in shower?
It's wide enough for almost three people to just shower comfortably in, which is ridiculous since this is his bathroom. The walls and floor are made of some kind of brick or pebbles, unlike anything I've ever seen before. It reminds me of walking into Kaoru's summer job one time in this nice spa place that have all of those steam rooms. She was sad when they had to let her go to focus on her studies. On the side, there's a seating for anyone who just wants to sit and let the water cascade over them. I look up to see these rectangular shapes on the ceiling with holes in them, and I recognize them as one of those weird rainfall shower heads that I've heard of before. Phew. This is amazing. I wouldn't mind showering like this on the daily. I step away from the shower and turn towards Soujiro as he stands there with a slightly amused smile. I scoff with a grin, "What?"
"You look so cute when you're looking at my stuff." He chuckles, but it did not have that touch of sarcasm like one would expect.
I smile and take a few steps towards him, "Come on, you should take a shower. I'll just go take a bath in that tub over there."
He cocks his head to the side, "Why?"
"Why? Dude, you were crying. And we just had wild sex. Or did you forget?" I wink and snigger to myself, remembering the amazing fucking during that crazy moment not too long ago.
He straightens his neck back up, "Let's shower together instead."
I gape at him, feeling my cheeks burning, "Um?"
He walks up towards me to embrace me, whispering in my ear, "You've seen me naked already, haven't you? And I've seen you at your naked glory. So then what's the problem?"
"Well, um," I fluster myself with the correct words to use next, "I just.. I guess I'm still feeling weird over you crying like that. I felt like I hurt you or something. I figured we could just.. hnng.."
I couldn't finish because he's already stroking my cock over my boxer shorts. That's all he and I are wearing right now, actually. He leans back to lick my bottom lip, inviting himself in seamlessly to start kissing me. I sigh into his mouth, deepening the kiss by allowing my own tongue to slip inside of his mouth too. Jesus Christ. Soujiro Seta is just not the person you could say no to easily. Everything about him pleases my senses. How he looks. How he smells. How he feels. Even how his voice sounds, elegant in their punctuation and charming in his unique accent that I have never heard of before. It must've been all the mixtures of dialects he had absorbed from his expansive traveling from all across the globe. I love it. And I especially love how his mouth tastes.
He breaks the kiss politely, "Let's shower now."
Like I said.. you just can't say no to someone like Soujiro. I nod, letting him guide me into the walk in shower with his hand around my wrist. He helps me and himself out of our boxer shorts. He then has me sit on the shower seat before he steps out of the shower to type something in his phone. Suddenly, the room turns pitch black. I hold my breath. After a couple of seconds, a soft neon blue lights up from underneath my feet, and soon I see a green glow from above me as the rainfall shower heads turns on. It feels deliciously warm and satisfying, and I try to calm down from the spook of the darkness from before. I hear a soundtrack of some sort of jungle sounds and rain, and I wonder where in the world it was coming from. He did all of this with just his phone? That's so.. Cool. I lean against the wall behind me to relax completely. I hate to admit it, but.. this is really nice.
"Like it?" I hear Soujiro's voice getting nearer and him sliding the shower door shut behind him.
"I love it." I open my eyes and watch as the lights fade into different colors from below and above us, making Soujiro appear like an other worldly creature, "Still, I'd like to know about something.."
He sits next to me and takes my hand in his, looking at me expectantly.
"First thing is.. why were you.. crying?" I stroke his cheek with my finger, his hand coming up to gently grasp it and kiss it, "Soujiro, are you okay?"
"I am okay. Now that I'm with you."
My heart pulses loudly.
Soujiro..
Why do you make me feel this way?
"But.. why, then?" I watch his face turn into an aquamarine shade of green from the lights, his pupils dilating.
"I just.. I just get weird after sex, I guess," He shifts in his seat and turn his head away from me, "After what happened to me in Tokyo.."
My interest piqued. Is he giving me the information for my investigation? Couldn't have picked a more appropriate time and setting, I guess. But being naked and wet together and him telling me everything is better than anything else, really. I have to know of his back story and where he really came from. Why he chose my school and more importantly, why he chose me to target. I have to know. He takes his time with looking back up, his expression pitiful.
"In Tokyo.. I was being bullied by a teacher." He hitches, shutting his eyes, as if remembering something terrible, "And I just.. I just tried not to let it get to me. I tried to just let it roll off my back. I had to. He knew my father, personally. My teacher used to have a brother who worked for the Seta Enterprise. A serious accounting error had lead to my father firing that brother of my teacher, and.. I guess that man had a lot on his plate other than losing a great job. It wasn't long until we all learned that he killed himself. So fate, being such a cruel mistress, brought me together with the teacher who lost his brother because of my family. Because of my dad.. because of m.."
"Soujiro," I grasp his shoulder to stop him, "That wasn't your fault. You weren't responsible for that. Not even your father was responsible for that man's suicide. He made that choice alone. You had nothing to do with that."
He gives me a strange little faltering smile, but then he hiccups and his face fades into something more gravely, "I guess.. I guess I should mention that the teacher tried to proposition me for sex as a way to get back at my father. I never did anything with him, though, but he insisted. I let him take my hand and.. I touched him. Down there. Until he came. I was fourteen."
"Jesus.." I can feel my heart dropping into my stomach hearing over something this sick.
"He did it to me for a few more years, and I kept it a secret. No one would believe me, anyway. But I guess one day I had enough. I had to move away when I told my father in confidence over what happened. He thought it'd be best for me to have a clean slate here in Kyoto. Start all over again, you know?"
Oh man.
"Soujiro.. Thank you. For telling me all of this. I didn't know it was that bad for you."
He smiles, "It's okay. Since I've met you.. I know things will be alright."
"I just have something else I want to ask you.." I grunt, blushing, "I still don't understand what you see in me."
"You're being too hard on yourself, Kenshin. I chose you because you're one of a kind. The red hair doesn't help your case, either."
I blush harder, "Oh, please.."
"Come on, let your hair down. I mean it."
I am finally able to take the hair tie off and let my long hair cascade down over my shoulders and chest, the water invigorating my tresses. He runs his fingers through my hair, and it felt nice until he found some knots here and there. I mean, I do try to take care of it, but.. I'm poor, remember? Soujiro seemed to have read my mind. He stands up from the shower seat and walk over to the other side of the shower to get something from the wall. He turns around with two bottles in his hand and walks back to me. He sets one of them down, opens the other, squeezes liquid into his hand, and before I knew it, he shampoos the top of my head. As if we have known each other for eons already that this wouldn't be a strange thing to do.
Remember, we only met just a week ago.
But..
This feels so good!
And it smells really nice! I highly doubt I could find his type of hair products at the run down food mart that Hiko and I frequent to for groceries. I ease myself to his touch and let him rub my scalp with the pads of his fingertips. I've never even gone to a salon before, opting to just trim my own hair with a dull pair of scissors and nothing else. Maybe this is what it feels to have someone else actually take care of you. And I have to say, I really don't mind it. At all. After a few minutes of this, Soujiro turns a knob next to him and the water pressure goes harder on our heads, washing off the rest of the shampoo. Dialing it back so that the water pressure produces a nice gentle rain stream, Soujiro opens up the other bottle and runs the conditioner (Is that what is called?) from the middle to the ends of my hair. I wish I could be educated enough to tell you what it smells like, but it has something of a leathery amber note to it. I know this because its in Hiko's favorite cologne, back when he had to money to afford something nice for himself.
I close my eyes, my breathing deep and even.
Relaxed.
Soujiro goes to work on my body with a bar of soap, careful to wash my arms and my chest. I shouldn't like this. I shouldn't like this at all. But I do. I could've enjoyed something like this with an attractive woman, or maybe even with a girlfriend. Never in a million years would I let another man touch me like this. But with Soujiro, it's different. In many ways than one. He's a pleasure to be around, and an even greater pleasure to have him touch you. He rubs the soap suds around my neck and jawline while I carefully wipe my face with some of it. I don't know if I'm ready to have him touch my face so intimately like that. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking. I fucked him, so what's so weird about him touching my face?
I wish I knew how to explain.
"All done." Soujiro sighs happily as he turns the water pressure on high to rinse me off, "Now it's my turn. You can continue resting here."
"Hm?" I open one of my eyes to look at him, "Do you want me to wash you too?"
He shakes his head, "It's alright. I'll manage."
I open my other eye, "I don't mind. Really."
His eyes dilate again. I catch it just in time and my brow furrow in confusion. What was that? Does he not want me to touch him? But why not? Haven't we had sex not even half an hour ago? Why would me washing him be any weirder than my dick in his ass? It doesn't make sense. He looks to the floor, unable to answer me. My stomach feels hot and painful. I know this feeling. It's anger. But why should I care? Why should I be angry at him for wanting to wash himself? Maybe I'm just.. I don't know, offended that he doesn't want me touching him? Like I'm not good enough to hold him and touch him gently? Maybe he's not the type to enjoy that. Which I can understand, I mean, we all have our ideas of what intimacy means to us. But still.. This.. This hurts.
"Let me wash you." I simply state.
He remains unmoved.
No matter. I take his wrist as he gasps.
"I.. I shouldn't.." His voice wavers. I merely pull his wrist towards me to force him to smack his perfect little ass next to me, "Oof!"
"Come here," I grab his bottle of shampoo to flip the cap open and squeeze some of it into my hand, "I'll wash your hair now. Close your eyes."
"Kenshin.."
I shoot him a glare. He promptly zips it and closes his eyes with a confused whimper. Realizing I'm once again being a dick, I sigh and shake my head, "I'm sorry. We don't have to if you don't want to.."
Silence.
He rests his hand on mine that is tied around his other wrist, "Thank you."
I look at him, surprised, "What?"
"For listening to me. Thank you." He smiles and my heart once again skips a beat. He really is beautiful. I feel sick to my stomach, knowing I very nearly chocked him to death by accident today, and now I'm grabbing him in such a forceful manner too. What's wrong with me? I never thought I'd be so aggressive with a lover like this. What's gotten into me? I finally let his wrist go, and he leans in to kiss me sweetly on the lips. My heart flutters upon contact. He breaks the kiss, whispering against my lips, "I love you."
"S-Soujiro.."
Before I could properly react, he leans away to get up and enjoy the rain fall over him. He tilts his head back, the lights playing with his hair and skin with brazen oranges and mystical purples. My breathing is stuck in my throat. My heart feels chained in barbs. Never in my life have I ever saw a more perfect creature than on this day. Soujiro is like from another plane of existence. His hair turns into a deep espresso from the water, and his white skin shines brilliantly. With his fingertips, he combs his hair back and sighs happily. As if telling me he loves me made his soul run free with the water and the steam. I could finally let my breath go, shakily.
Soujiro Seta..
"Who are you?" I hear myself whispering hoarsely.
He takes his time thinking of how to respond. The water sounds louder than before. My heart beats faster, anticipating. Finally, he turns to me, his eyes a brilliant shade of turquoise, "Your best mistake."
I hesitate. What do I.. How do I even respond to that..?
My best mistake? What does that even mean?
Soujiro..
"I don't understand."
"You will. Someday."
He then walks towards me to stand over me, and I look up. I can't breathe anymore. How can you with an angel this close to you? My clumsy hands reach up to grasp his hips, and then without thinking, I just embrace his bottom half tightly. I don't know what you're doing to me, Soujiro, but.. God, I hope this all makes sense to me soon. Because it hurts as much as it feels good. And I'm not just talking about the sex or the shampoo or any of that. It hurts so much, on a soul level, on such an existential level. This all has to mean something. It has to. Was Soujiro sent to me as an act from God, or perhaps from the universe, in order to correct something I've wronged many years ago? I had made many mistakes with myself and with those around me, so maybe.. just maybe..
Could Soujiro be a type of savior of mine? Or a tormentor of soul? Someone to give me redemption, or someone to send me into a mental purgatory to clean myself of all the sins I've committed before? Soujiro Seta, a saint by appearance, but a reaper by occupation.
...
"Don't cry, Kenshin.."
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We both walk into the kitchen, him in a bathrobe and me wearing a towel both around my hip and ruffling another one through my hair. I couldn't do that where I live.. it's either too hot or too cold to walk around in towels. Soujiro's mansion is just at the right temperature. Soujiro walks into the kitchen next room over while I look around in the family room. There's this big fireplace and lots of framed pictures on it, mostly of Soujiro as a child and his dad traveling and shaking hands with business leaders. As I would expect, not a single photo of his birth mother anywhere. I even found a photo of Soujiro embracing a nanny as if she was his mother, but I know it's not really her. The work clothes gives it away. I looked through every picture, and all it seems to look like a timeline of an ordinary family who just so happens to try and move on from the death of her.
It shouldn't raise any red flags.. but it does.
"Hungry?"
I flinch, turning around to see Soujiro carrying a big bowl of potato chips. Um. Dude, that's not even a meal. I smirk, chuckling with my arms folded in front of my chest, "Maybe we should order out."
"Okay." He giggles, walking across the floor to set the snack bowl down on the coffee table that sits in front of this large flat screen television, "What're you in the mood for?"
"Pizza?"
"Alright. What do you like on yours?"
"Antidepressants."
Soujiro laughs loudly. I just smile. I like his laugh. I love seeing him so happy for some reason. It suits him. Maybe I would like to be the one to make him laugh instead of making him cry. At that thought, my smile slowly fades away. I have to know why he was crying like that today. Does sex bring up bad feelings or memories of that teacher fondling him? I wish I knew who this teacher was, just to give him a peace of my mind. Or my fist. What kind of monster does that to fourteen year old boys? I hate him. I hate him and I've never even met the guy. I just know he ruined Soujiro's childhood, and now he has to pick up the pieces instead of the adult who was responsible for it. I hate injustices like that.
Just when Soujiro was about to dial on his mobile phone to call for pizza delivery, I come from behind him to hug him. He flinches, surprised by my actions, "Kenshin? Are you okay? What's wrong..?"
"That teacher was the one who was wrong. You didn't do anything. It was all his fault."
Silence. All I hear is Soujiro's phone tone dialing quietly, waiting for the numbers to be punched in. I only hug him tighter, which made him grunt questionably. Call me crazy, but.. I want to protect Soujiro, even if I haven't known him for long. I think I can finally appreciate his place in my life, as a part of my social group, as a part of my life. As a part of me. I don't think it's his wealth or the sexual pleasures that come with being with him, either. While those things are just cherries, I know that it's something that I can't exactly put my finger on it either. Something that I think I'll need time to find out on my own. What does Soujiro represent in my world? How does he fit inside my life? Why is he here? And more importantly, why does my heart turn tender whenever he comes around? Why do I want to be mean and pretend otherwise?
There's just so many questions, that I..
"Kenshin. Please." Soujiro steps out of my embrace, leaving me blinking, "Don't do that again."
My heart pangs. What? I straighten up, my face flushing, "..What?"
He doesn't move or say anything for a couple of moments, and then he turns over his shoulder to look at me sadly, "It's hard to explain, really. I'm sorry. I shouldn't.. I shouldn't have been hard on you."
"You weren't hard on me. I'm just confused." I take a step forward, my hand mid air to try and touch him again, but with his eyes narrowing.. I take my hand back instead, "Soujiro.."
"Let's get one thing straight." He smiles dismally, "I love you. I really do. But you can't love me back."
"Why not?" I can feel myself getting defensive all of a sudden, my heart.. doing something I have never felt it done before. Learning a new song.
He shakes his head, "I can't say."
"Yes you can, Soujiro, I..!" My trembling hands come up, wanting to feel him again.
Why does my heart sing this song?
Like a calling signal coming to my aid in a fit of emergency, Soujiro twists around and embraces me tightly while I hold him, and I hear him almost sobbing, "Please, just stop! Stop talking. I can't tell you more than what I can today. Telling you about that teacher.. was already too much. I will tell you more, just.. Just give me some more time, okay?"
Now there's tears in my eyes. Raw, stinging tears. I don't understand what's going on, but I had no choice but to whisper back, "Okay.."
We were like that for a while. I'm not sure for how long. I think the sun moved in the sky when I realized we were there for a lot longer than what is normally accepted in a hug. But I don't care. Soujiro feels so right in my arms. I felt like I had carried an empty space inside of me, and that emptiness seemed to have welcomed the shape of his body; Reaching upwards and around until it reaches all of the outlines that create who he is today. And now I'm holding him. The smell of his skin and hair sweeter than my best dreams. We finally break it off and he kisses me momentarily.
We set up the living room for a movie night. He has some very new movies that have left the theaters but not yet produced to the general public to rent. I don't even care to tell you about what we saw, but I do enjoy letting him rest his head on my lap, running my thumb over his cheek. I enjoy him pouncing whenever a scary scene flashes on the screen, and I'll hold him while I laugh at his blushing face. I enjoy his head on my shoulder and his hand intertwined with mines, my thumb now running over the skin of his thumb too. I enjoy when he would feed me popcorn by placing it between his teeth and I have to get it out somehow, which would only invite him to sneak his tongue in there, like the sly little minx that he is.
We made out on that couch as the credit rolls on the screen.
I wish this night never had to end.
I love that his pajamas are nearly the same size as me. Because I am just a tad heavier than him in weight, and taller than him by height, he rummaged through some boxes of older clothing that would fit me better. With a dark shirt and navy checkered pants, I'm pretty much ready for a really good sleep. After we had watched several movies into the wee hours of the morning, Soujiro announces that it's time for bed. We had so much fun goofing around with the movies and with each other, that I was surprised to find that it was over two in the morning. A sense of heaviness washes over my eyes. He introduces me to the guest room, which even has its own private bathroom. Jesus, this mansion really has everything anyone could wish for.
"You sure you don't want me to sleep in your bed?" I smirked after I jumped on top of the guest bed, which is a California King size.
He leans on the door frame with a sleepy smile, "I didn't want you to be annoyed by me. I thought you wanted your own space to just.. be you."
My smirk dissipates, "I don't find you annoying."
"Yes you do."
"Well," I chuckle cooly, "That was before―"
"―Before I let you fuck me. Right?"
I flinch, ".. Hn..?"
"It's alright," He bows, something I haven't fucking seen in ages, "Really. You should sleep peacefully on this bed by yourself. It's nice and cozy, isn't it?"
I just look at him, unsure of how to respond. Did he really mean what he said?
"Um.. Yeah. Yeah, it is."
He smiles with his eyes, "Good night, then."
He switches off the light, leaving me in complete darkness. The door closes and I'm all alone. I slump all the way down on the bed, stumped at what just happened. I just think that what he said seemed very sudden and.. I don't know. Projecting? I mean, yeah, I found him annoying at first, but that was when he.. Well. I don't know. That was when he tried to force his way into my life. I stopped finding him annoying when he started giving my friends his.. Wait. No, that's not right. I stopped finding him annoying when he helped me with my homework.. I grumbled to myself. No, that's not right either. Okay, well, how about this? I stopped finding him annoying when he would tell me some deeper parts of himself, and..
I smacked my hand over my forehead exasperatedly. No, that's not it either!
Oh my God.
Was he right, then?
Did I stopped finding him irritating as soon as I fucked him?
Am I really that much of a jackass?
My hand slides over my chin and I am gaping through the pitch blackness, the only thing giving any bit of light is the window welcoming the moon and the stars from outside. What am I doing here? I should go to him! Maybe that will show him that he isn't completely right and that I do find him not annoying, not because I had sex with him or he lets me use his body for pleasure. I refuse to let that be a fact! I rip the covers off of me and stumble through the dark, trying to find the door. After much fumbling, I found the doorknob and turned it to open it, carefully sliding my hands on the walls of the hallway. Fuck, this place gets really dark at night, doesn't it? I can't see shit! I worry that I'm going to fall through the winding staircase if I'm not careful. My hands finally find another doorknob and if memory serves me right, it has to lead to Soujiro's bedroom.
I gulp, turning the doorknob painfully slow. I don't want to scare him by being too loud. I carefully open the door, thankfully it's not like my own bedroom door where it creaks like fuck. I walk through the darkness gingerly, my hands waving out in front of me to find my way around. In a movie, I would've already stubbed my toe on the foot of his bed, or crashed a lamp so noisily that he'd wake up with a screech. But thank fuck none of those things happened. Feeling the softness of his bed comforter, I climb on it softly so as to not rouse him. So far, so good. I slip under the covers and scootch closer, already smelling his shampoo. I sigh quietly, glowing with elation. I guess.. I guess I don't like being apart from him when it's so dark out. So sue me.
I lay my head on the pillow next to him and close my eyes, ready to let the wave of sleep take me alive, when suddenly..
"What're you doing here?"
I shiver. Soujiro's voice has a new, cutting bite to it that I've never heard of before. I don't reply. Maybe I'm having a nightmare or a weird hallucination. I wait, and then I hear him whisper again, louder, "Why are you here in my bed, Kenshin?"
"Fuck you, I can't sleep." I snarl, turning over to the other side, "Goodnight."
"Ohh, what's the matter? The big bad ass is afraid of a little darkness?" He sounds so conceded. I start seeing red.
I whip back around and grab him by the shoulders, "What the fuck is the matter with you? Why are you so offended that I want to sleep right next to you?"
"Don't touch me!"
I yelp, yanking my hands back. My heart plays that same song it did earlier today, but now with gut wrenching violin screeches. I don't understand?! What is his problem? What's his fucking deal!? Why is he yelling at me like this? He was so sensual earlier but now it's like I ruined his life just by wanting to sleep next to him! I've had enough. I have got to get to the bottom of this! I grab his shoulders again and he tries to kick me, to which I try to ignore while I bark into his face, "What the fuck is wrong with you!"
"Stop!" He starts crying, trying to grab my forearms to get away from me. I only tighten my grip in response.
"I won't stop! Not until you talk to me like an adult!" My voice has a tremor of emotion through it, though I don't let him out of my grasp either way.
"P-Please.." His voice starts to quiet down to merely soft sobbing, "I'm just.. I'm just so.."
"Are you afraid of letting anyone in?"
His sob is cut short with a gasp, "Yes!"
"Well, too bad.." I'm almost close to crying again also, ".. I.. I'm not going to give up on you. This is really your doing, honestly.. You reigned me in and now I can't help but care about you. You can't just reel someone in and then push them away. We have something together.. At least.. I hope we do.. I hope none of this is a lie or a prank.."
He's quiet for a few moments, but his voice now sounds younger with a higher tone, "No. It's not a lie. I really do love you."
My heart feels heavy for him at that quick confession. I pull him into a hug, letting him once again cry on me. I comb his hair from the back of his head with my fingers in some vague attempt to comfort him as he cries. That teacher.. If I ever fucking find him.. He's a dead man. I'll make sure of it. He cries on me for a few minutes, with some short intervals of heavy breathing and hard sobbing which breaks my heart every time he does so. It sounds like years of repressing the truth coming out all at once. It must hurt like hell. But.. I'm glad I can be here for him.
"Let's do something fun this weekend. Just us two, together. We shouldn't stay stuck in here." I whisper, kissing his wet cheek, "Okay?"
His sobbing softens, giving himself a minute to compose himself before replying back, "Okay."
I promise, Soujiro.
I will make you happy again.