Author's note: I'm so sorry you guys. :( I thought nobody liked this story anymore so I kinda gave up on it. But then I read Alumina's and Hell Hound's reviews and I had to laugh out loud as well as.. well, wanting to sob downright too, LOL! I just, I feel so ashamed of myself as an author and a writer and been feeling very insecure about my level of creativity these past few weeks, so.. I'm just happy that people still care about this story. It's such a hard story to write, but I will do my best to finish it!
Enjoy and happy weekend! Rated M+ for strong sexual content.
"And I was only trying not
To laugh before I cry
You've got to live before you die
You've got to float
Before you learn to swim"
- Nick Kingswell
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"You've got a bit of a fever. I guess you can head on home if you'd like." The nurse takes the glass thermometer out of my mouth, "I just wonder why you have such red eyes, though. Have you been crying?"
I shiver in the uncomfortable nursing bed, clinging to the blankets around me as I sweat, "A little."
"Hm," The nurse tilts her head and pouts her lip, "I can imagine. Do you want me to call your father?"
"I'll.. I can call him."
"Alright then!" The nurse walks away to tend to the other sick and injured students, which there seems to be at least three of them. Students who are legitimately sick for reasons outside of their control. Unlike me, who brought this onto myself. I groan painfully, gingerly taking my time with rummaging through my shit in my backpack. Retrieving my iPhone, I switch it on, almost convinced I'll see a message from Soujiro. But there's nothing to see there. My lips feel so dry for some reason. I wonder if one can get super sick from alcohol? I mean, I know there's alcohol poisoning, but I haven't drank up to that threshold last night despite all the beers. I see Hiko's name in my contact list, and I merely press my phone to my ear.
Time to play pretend.
"Hello? Dad? Yeah. It's me.. Kenshin." I say to no one in particular, my eyes square on the nurse as she is taking the temperature of another student, "I'm sick. I feel really really sick. Like nauseously ill. I have to go home. Yeah, the nurse is here. She says you can pick me up. Oh, you'll pick me up in ten minutes? Okay.. okay, dad. Thanks. Bye."
I put my phone back in my book bag quietly, still watching the nurse so she won't suspect a thing. I think I did well with that. All those acting classes from my childhood weren't a waste of time after all. I wait for those ten minutes, making sure to groan and cough a little here and there. The nurse checks up on me once and just places a small bag of cold jelly on my forehead to keep the fever down. It feels nice. She asks if I'd like to bring some crackers and a bottle of ginger ale for the nausea, but I turn it down, telling her I'm convinced I'll hurl even with them. She laughs, calling me a cute little squirt, and leaves the room to get something from the main office. Now's my chance. I get up carefully and start wobbling over to the door to get out of here. I walk through the hallways until I reach the front glass doors of the school's entrance, where I can taste freedom at long last.
I wonder what has changed in Kaoru's home since I last visited. It has been at least over a year now. The last thing I remember was that her parents were super nice but are always struggling with the bills. I wonder if Soujiro knows of their struggles. I wonder if he even gives a damn. I mean.. all he cares about is being a whore and getting everything he wants without failure, so why should he care over Kaoru? Or even the rest of my friends?
Hell.. he probably doesn't really give a damn about me, either!
I took a lanta bus from the bus stop that's nearest to the school. After about five stops, I've finally reached Kaoru's neighborhood. It's a bit better looking than my and Sano's neighborhood.. even a step up over Yahiko's. Most definitely better than my shitty home. Kaoru lives in a modest town house thanks to both of her parents working full time. Out of all of us, before Soujiro moved to Kyoto, Kaoru had the most money. But she's so nice about it; she never talks about her financial woes, the bills her parents have to face, or that she fears that she won't go to university after all.
Of course, Kaoru does not make enough money to impress the other kids at our school, so we took her in. It's not about the money or her social class; Kaoru is just so innocent and honest, pure and without any ill intentions. So we feel this need to protect her, in a way. Plus, she doesn't judge us or make us feel like we are lacking in anything she might have. Kaoru is our little light in our group, I guess you could say. The light that keeps us going.
Kaoru also held me as I cried to her about Hiko's drinking, when we were only thirteen years old.
I think I fell for her after that. Maybe not. I can't remember.
There aren't any cars parked in her driveway, so I'm assuming that her parents aren't home yet. Just like she predicted. Perfect. According to Kaoru's text message on the bus ride here, I can sneak through from the kitchen window behind the house. I walk around the house, ignoring the yapping of a small dog from next door over. Once I reach behind the house, I squint my eyes to get a better look at all three small windows. One shows the living room, the other shows a dark room that I can assume is the laundry room..
Ah, perfect. I found the kitchen. Sliding the window up carefully, I lift my leg up and through it first before I maneuver myself to get inside the house. The air smells crisp with house cleaning liquids. Looks like her mother has already done the fall cleaning for the season. When was the last time Hiko did that or a spring cleaning? I shudder, immediately disgusted.
I may be poor, but I don't like dirty things.
Looking around, Kaoru's home is painfully mundane and middle class. I mean, she's not even up there yet, but at least she's not starving or freezing to death this year. Unlike me, my lips almost parted to say, but I close them again. No. She doesn't deserve that. I can't be envious of her of all people. Soujiro, maybe, but that's because he has way more than a person can do with in a lifetime.
I climb up the staircase to go up to the second floor, where all the bedrooms are at. I open one door carefully, convinced that I am really not alone here. What if somebody jumps out and stabs me? What if her big grizzly bear father is here? He'll fucking beat me if he finds me messing with his dearest daughter's belongings. Like I'm some kind of pathetic stalker or something. Kinda like Soujiro.
"Asshole." I mutter to myself, pertaining to the blue eyed nympho.
Why isn't he texting or calling me?
Oh well. Whatever. I shouldn't care, right?
I open another door and it smells faintly of a girly perfume. The walls are plastered with Korean boy bands and singers, Polaroids of Misao and Megumi making funny faces, and calendars filled with exam dates and college applications. Yup. This is Kaoru's room, alright. I close the door behind me softly, my face lighting up with a shy smile. This is so cool. To just explore your crush's room like this, uninterrupted..
It's so perfect!
I plop on her bed with a happy sigh, looking all around at all of her cute designs and writings on the walls. I see little messages from our friends there, and even inspirational posters that might've been from the girls or her mom.
"Don't give up!"
"Nobody can make you feel inferior with your consent."
"One small step to a brighter future!".
On her night table, where she has her lava lamp that can turn on as a regular lamp and a digital clock, is a small notebook. She wouldn't just leave her planner at home like that, would she? Unlike most teenagers who rely on apps and iPhone alarm clocks, Kaoru stays old school with her real planners and an actual clock to keep things organized. So why then, do I find this thing?
Maybe it's not her planner. Maybe it's her..
I gulp.
Maybe it's her diary?
I trail my fingers on the front texture of the notebook, a cute bubblegum pink with gold accented scribbles that reads "Sweet Dreams". Maybe it's one of those weird dream diaries so that one can master lucid dreaming. I know I've been having a lot of those lately, and something like this could help. I'll have to purchase one later when I have the chance. I take the notebook from the nightstand, my heart slowly climbing down to my stomach. This doesn't feel right.. who goes through private diaries of their own friends?!
This asshole will.
I turn to the first page. September 23rd, 2017.
Who am I? Sometimes I don't understand myself or what I'm going through. I'm starting my high school year for the first time ever without knowing if my parents are going to stay together this time. All they ever do is fight. Money is tight. I don't even have a college fund or savings. I guess my dream of becoming a Japanese tutor isn't going to come true.
Oh man.
September 30th, 2017.
I'm so stupid! Of course Kenshin still likes his ex-girlfriend! I bet that's all he thinks about when he's around me. He's always so deep in thought and hardly pays attention to me. But that could be my fault, diary. I'm not the kind of person to just say everything that comes to her mind. I just hold it all in, instead. Why would he even want me, anyway? I'm so boring compared to his other girlfriends.. I've never even had sex before.
I blush, grunting.
And.. I hate to admit this, but I really would not mind it if he takes my virginity. I was going to not do that at least until I meet someone for a very serious relationship, like in college or even afterwards. But when I'm with him, I just feel so happy. He's so temperamental and stubborn, but I KNOW he has a soft spot inside of him. It breaks my heart every time he talks about his step father. I'm glad my parents don't drink and I would never be drunk myself. I haven't tried some yet, but Megumi pressures me to try it sometime. I won't do it! I want to make Kenshin happy.
I let go of my breath, my face blushing all the way down to the ends of my hair. I can't fucking believe this. Kaoru wanted to have sex with me since last year?! I had no idea! Why are women so secretive about this stuff?! I wasn't even aware that I seemed so pensive after my break up with Tomoe. Had I knew of this before, I would have gladly become her boyfriend and make love to her. I would've done anything for Kaoru. Anything! Oh man. Oh my fucking god. This is just rich. I won't lie, but this makes me super giddy inside. But then again, this diary post was nearly a year ago, right? It's 2018 now and we're all grown ups now. Well.. maybe not really grown ups, but you get the idea. I wonder what happened..
Oh shit..
Did Kaoru lose her virginity to someone else, then?!
I hold my breath again as I turn to the next page. October 15th, 2017.
I want to tell Kenshin that I like him a lot, but I can't. I know he wouldn't like a girl like me.
Yes, Kaoru! Yes of course I would like a girl like you! I like you, Kaoru! I like you!
I'm so homely compared to the girls he's seen and dated. And most certainly bedded. I don't stack up and couldn't a hold a candle to Tomoe. I think I should just.. I should just be happy for our friendship! Why mess things up with this childish crush I have over him? What's the point? What's the point of ruining our friendship with my romantic feelings? Just so things won't be the same between us? I won't have that happen. I'm just going to suck it in and just be thankful for our friendship instead.
"Argh!" I growled and dunk my face into the folds of her diary, almost convinced it'll reach her in spirit over how disappointed I am over her passivity, "Kaoru, you.. you're so wrong!"
After I calmed myself some, I turn to the other pages. They were just filled with notes about her college ideas and where to study, what to study, why she should study. What we all did in our friends groups. Her parents fighting but then substantially subsided when her mother got promoted at her job. Kaoru's short term part time job at the spa place. The time we all snuck to the beach in the summer of 2018 before our senior year began. I remember that. That was a lot of fun. Life sure felt fun and easier when Soujiro wasn't around to fuck shit up. As the date inched nearer to the date of Soujiro's arrival at our school for the first time, my stomach begins to form a knot.
October 12th, 2018
A new student arrived in our school today. His name is Soujiro Seta. He's actually pretty cute! I made a little chibi drawing of him at the bottom of this page for your viewing pleasure. He has the bluest eyes I've ever seen! He's really just handsome and I can see why the other girls at our school have already taken notice. He came to our lunch table today and offered to buy us all presents, which shocked all of us. He even offered to pay for the cute shoes that Megumi and I gushed over, and.. it was just so amazing. Kenshin really doesn't like him, though. He thinks Soujiro has something to hide. Although I'll admit that it is weird that a rich kid is suddenly going to this particular school and not to a prep school? I don't understand that either.
Yes, Kaoru, yes! You do understand!
.. But. I saw how happy my friends are becoming because of Soujiro. I don't know if it's the presents or what. But he seems kind of genuine, if not a little awkward. He has this spirit of a little child or something. Like he wants us to protect him and guide him, and.. I think I don't mind protecting him, you know?
I deflate. Oh, Kaoru..
I am actually very happy when Soujiro told me later on today that he wanted to help Kenshin with his grades. Kenshin has this reputation of being a rebel, but diary, I WANT him to succeed in life! I don't care what he wants to do or study.. I just want him to be able to be financially independent and just move on from Hiko. Hiko isn't a bad person, but he is a sick person, and Kenshin shouldn't stop his own life to take care of him. Kenshin has to move on someday, and a nice job is going to help with that. He needs an education, and good grades, and it'll open so many doors for him. So I'm really relieved that we have a Soujiro Seta in our lives. I really want Soujiro to help Kenshin reach his highest potential. Kenshin is really intelligent when you get him to talk about philosophy and art and all these other things that I don't pay much mind to. I'm more into mathematics, truth be told. But.. I just hope this year, will be Kenshin's year. He deserves it.
I grunt again, moved by this passage. I.. I didn't know that she had such strong opinions about Soujiro and I. Do the others also feel the same way? Well, of course they would! They're my friends and they have been my friends for so many years now! I would hope they wanted me to be happy and successful. Even if it means leaving Hiko behind me. Would my mom wanted that too? What about my real dad? Even if he was a fucking asshole, when he left my mother and I, did he hoped I would make it out of this hell alive? Suddenly, the memory of Kaoru bursting into a passionate rant enters my mind from Sano's house―
"Kenshin, stop this! This has to stop! You can't keep closing yourself off from anyone that comes into your life just because Hiko failed at being your father!"
I sit there in silence, the pieces coming together at last. Now I understand. Now I understand this desperation my friends have with keeping Soujiro in our group circle. Because.. because they think Soujiro could actually turn my life around. Because with Soujiro's help, I can be free from all that is weighing on my shoulders. With Soujiro's help, I can actually become somebody. That's why Kaoru wanted us to get along. That's why Sano kept playing things down whenever I complained about Soujiro. That's why even Yahiko could only chuckle or keep silent about my jabs towards Soujiro. Because they all hoped that Soujiro could save me from this hell I'm in.
I close the diary and place it back on her night stand. I can't read this anymore. It wouldn't be fair to her. I check the time on my phone. It's noon now. By this time, my friends are heading off to lunch in the school cafeteria. I wonder if Soujiro magically arrived there, and was waiting for them to arrive so that he could treat them all to lunch somewhere else? I chew on the inside of my cheek at that thought. Bastard. He would, wouldn't he? I check my text message logs, my Facebook messenger, my email, and so on. And not a single message from that twat anywhere. I huff annoyingly. Fine! Be that way! I can't believe you would want to ignore me just because I wanted to go home alone after our trip! Fucking bitch. Asshole!
I toss my phone onto the end corner of Kaoru's bed and decide to just take a nap. I'm so exhausted and hungover, anyway. I turn out the lights and just close my eyes to rest. Kaoru reassured me earlier that her parents will be home late due to their work load, so I have nothing to worry about. I drift in and out of sleep cycles, not really dreaming of anything except blobs of pale and brown and blue. Whenever my eyes would flutter open, I would see the dark open space in front of me. And then sometimes, I would see a vision of a young man with blue eyes and brown hair, his eyes full of lust and redness spreading over his cheeks and chest. Breathing in and out in shallow pants. Then I would close my eyes and dream of something else.
Something else like―
"―Hah! Yes!" Soujiro breathes into my ear as I plummet myself into him, his arms wrapped around my neck while I haul his bottom with my hands, spreading him and drilling my cock into his hole harder and harder, "Yes, Kenshin!"
"You like that, don't ya?" I whisper hoarsely with a smirk, plunging into him deeper, "Huh?"
"Y-yes, Kenshin!" I can see Soujiro's eyes rolling in the back of his tilting head, "Just keep.. fucking me!"
His tightness is so surreal. I can feel my cock getting suctioned into his hole with each thrust of my hips. I spread his ass cheeks wider to really get myself in there nice and deep, making Soujiro moan even louder than before. I wish I could just merge into his skin and stay inside of him forever. His deep breathing and sighs and moans sparks pleasure inside my veins, making me groan in return. How is this little slut so fucking tight after fucking around? Perspiration cover my entire face and body as I continuously fuck the slender boy under me, the contracting heat around my cock now washing over my lower torso.
"This," I thrust harder with each word uttered from my gritted teeth, "Is. For. Ignoring. Me. You. Son. Of. A. Bitch!"
"Argh, ugh, hah, oh, fuck, mmm, ohh, yeah, fuck, yeah!" Soujiro cries out after each of my phrases, his eyes desperate as he looks at our lower bodies and blushing deeply. He looks so beautiful like this, it's almost painful to watch him.
And then suddenly, without warning, the dream switches to another scene of me jerking off in front of a kneel down Soujiro, his mouth open and tongue hanging out in eagerness. His half lidded blue eyes, his clear porcelain skin, and reddened lips from all of our violent kissing. His long eyelashes and that cute little nose. His perfect straight white teeth. How he sounds when he licks the top of my dick. Fuck. Fuck! I see myself cumming all over his pristine face, my cum dripping over his eyes and down his chin, seeping into his little mouth. I see his tongue licking his top and then bottom lip, humming in satisfaction. Then he opens his eyes and smirks.
"Wow, you came a lot!"
I smile hazily, and Soujiro smiles back with a hum. Silence passes us. He turns his head to the side, and I watch as his expression fades to a very concerned frown. He suddenly whips his head around to look at me, "Quick, hide!"
I sit upright in a jolt, breaking out into a cold sweat. I think I heard something! My eyes sweep over to Kaoru's bedroom door frantically as I hear someone rushing up the stair case. Oh shit, oh fuck, oh fuck! I bounce out of that bed as if it was made of fire and look all around me in panic to see where I can hide. Where, where, where?! The sound of someone else rushing down the hall way is coming closer by the hot second. In a moment of confusion, I just rush into another door and close it right in time as Kaoru's door slams open. Who is that?! I am crouching on the floor and hugging my knees to my chest, holding my breath. I feel hot all around me from the cramped space. Not to mention the adrenaline rush. Is it an intruder? Is it one of our friends checking up on me? I haven't used my phone for the past few hours, so maybe they thought something bad happened to me. Is it Kaoru? Is school already over for the day?
Who is it?
I hear the person on the other side of the door calling out, "Hello? Is anybody in here? Come out! I'll call the police!"
I clutch my eyes shut tighter. Oh fuck, I'm so screwed. I can't afford to get arrested again!
Silence. I hear hesitation in the person's footsteps as they walk around Kaoru's room. Some pillows are lifted and thrown. Drawers open and shut. I blink, frowning. The floor creaks and then it stops. More silence. A sigh is heard. Dial tones of a phone number being pushed. More silence. All I can hear is my heartbeat until I hear the person speak, "Haruta. It's Koshijiro. Our neighbor called my phone because he said he saw somebody climbing through our kitchen window. Should I call the police?"
My breath hitches and I cover my mouth to quiet myself down. Fuck.
Silence.
".. I see. I know. I know, honey. I know the money is tight. I'm very proud of you for bringing most of the money in, though. I think I'll see what I can do about the neighbor. Maybe he was seeing things. You know he is a schizophrenic.. ha ha, alright. I love you too, honey. Did you texted Kaoru-chan? I am worried about her since I won't be here when she gets home from school. Maybe! Honey, wait, listen.. maybe you can text her and tell her she can go sleep over at her friends house. I know you don't like them, but.."
I frown. Her mother doesn't like us?
".. Alright. I understand. Yes, I'll call her as soon as she gets home. I will head back to work. Don't wait up for me tonight, you know how the boss is. Alright, take care."
Silence. I think this is the part where he looks around the room one last time, shakes his head at the nonsense of it all, and walks out of her room. I hear the bedroom door close and her father's foot steps walking down the hallway and finally down the stairwell. I finally let go of my breath, shaking. That was so close. Too fucking close. I almost wanna be angry at the shit neighbor who snitched on me. Fuck them. I wait at least a good few minutes after Koshijiro closes the front door of the house until I feel safe enough to leave Kaoru's closet. I stretch my achy muscles and sigh, relieved to be out of that situation. Can I say it again; that was too close!
"What time is it?" I whisper to myself, walking towards the bed and rummaging through the blankets to find my phone. I sure hope Koshijiro didn't spot that when he was busily looking for the intruder. Finding my phone, I switch it on to find a text message. My stomach drops; is it Soujiro? But then I see the name and I feel slightly let down. It's Kaoru:
I'll be home in ten minutes! Please hide if you sense anyone coming in before that! I'll make us a nice snack. :-) See you!
Even their smileys are different.
Oh, what am I even talking about?! I should forget about Soujiro. I'm hanging out with Kaoru Kamiya! The sweetest and cutest girl in the entire school. I should feel lucky. Fuck it, I am lucky to be here today! I shouldn't worry about what happened in the past. I should be happy for what I have right now. And right now, I have a cute girl coming over to take care of me and my hangover. So that does it. I'm going to forget about that bitch Soujiro and enjoy my time here today. At least he wasn't the only one who got to skip school today. I wait and soon ten minutes come to pass, and the front door opens.
"Kenshin? Are you there?" I hear Kaoru's voice calling out from downstairs.
"I'm here, in your room!" I called back. She rushes up to the room and beams at me as soon as she opens the bedroom door, "Yo."
"Kenshin!" She nearly skips over across her room to swoop me into her arms, "I was so worried! I thought my dad would find you here!"
I blush, "Um.. uh.. it's okay. I'm fine. He didn't find me."
She giggles as she lets go of me, "I know. He was texting me like crazy but I told him that the neighbor was probably just seeing things again."
I smile, "So.."
She smiles back, "Sooooo.."
I laugh, "What is there to eat?"
"Oh! Yes! I'll make us a nice little soup, it'll help with your hangover."
"I think my small nap here helped a lot. Your pillow smells really nice."
Good job, Kenshin. Now you'll never take her virginity.
She stares at me dumbfound for a second before breaking out into girly giggles, "You're so funny! I'm gonna go downstairs now. Do you need anything right now? Like ibuprofen and some water?"
"I think so."
"Sure!"
After about fifteen or twenty minutes, we find ourselves sitting huddled together in the blankets and eating our bowls of soup thanks to Kaoru's bed tray. I don't know if she's had this since forever, or if.. no. I'm not going to think about him. The pain killers, water, and soup have alleviated my nausea significantly and I feel a lot better now that Kaoru is here. We are watching a movie on her little television set, the only luxury she has in her life. Kaoru deserves so much more than what life has to offer her, to be honest. I'm actually glad that her parents won't separate or divorce over financial difficulties. Still, what her dad said on the phone today was.. a little interesting. Maybe I should ask?
"Kaoru.. you can be honest with me, right?" I mumble to my lap, hearing her turn to me in curiosity.
"Eh? Sure, what is it, Kenshin?"
I hesitate before looking into her eyes, "Is it.. is true that your mother doesn't like us?"
She gapes at me in silence for a few moments, and then her eyes turn sadder, "I.. I don't know. But she never likes it whenever I bring you guys up or when I want to sleepover at Megumi's."
I cringe, "Oh. I see. You don't.. you don't have to hang out with us if it brings you down like this."
"Kenshin, don't say that!" Kaoru gasps and takes my hands to make me look at her properly, "I love you guys so much and I would never abandon you! You guys make me feel like I can be more like myself than I can be here in this family. Believe me, I am more confident and self assured when you guys push my boundaries and break out of my comfort zone. But not only that.. You guys really do believe in me no matter what kinds of dreams I have. I don't feel silly when I tell you guys about my secrets, and you make me feel like I can fit in anywhere in this world. I care about you guys a lot.."
I stare at her, not knowing what to say. But my heart feels so warm hearing all of this. Kaoru.. How are you still so pure after getting to know us and our woes? How can you get up each morning and face the world with bright eyes and with a childlike trust in everything you see? When you know of my stepfather's drinking and unemployment? When you know Sano's father beats him senselessly? When you know Yahiko would probably graduate to harder drugs down the road to escape his older brother's suicide ten years ago? When Megumi was raped as a child by someone she knew? When Misao used to hurt herself by banging her wrists against the edge of a table until they turned black and blue?
"Kaoru.." And there it is, a single tear rolling down my cheek. Kaoru sees this and leans in to kiss that tear streaked cheek, and I hesitated, "Kaoru, I.."
She looks at me expectantly.
I look back at her.
...
I like you, Kaoru. I like you a lot.
Please go out with me.
Suddenly, her phone starts buzzing and she hums confusingly, taking it out of her plaid jacket to see who it is, "Oh hey, it's Soujiro!"
That did it. I turn to my other side to hurl onto the floor next to the bed, making Kaoru shriek.
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"Are you feeling better?"
I grunt, not daring myself to move one muscle, "I think so."
I'm lying in her bed again with a warm wet towel over my forehead and more blankets covering my body than before. Kaoru is kneeling next to me to check my temperature with a glass thermometer after she made me extra tea for the nausea. This is so humiliating. I was apologizing profusely for soiling her floor with my vomit and tried to clean it up, but Kaoru wouldn't have it. She was worried that I'll be more sick if I expose myself to my own filth and told me to take a shower in the bathroom down the hallway. I complied and she was making my tea and gathering more medicine from the kitchen meanwhile. Kaoru then did a quick laundry with my clothes so that she can then use the drying machine before we could even worry about dinner. I guess that's another luxury she gets to enjoy. Hiko and I have to go to the local cheap laundromat for our washings.
I wonder what the text message on her phone says.
"What, um.." I feel myself flushing a little, "What did.. Soujiro said when he texted you?"
"Hm? Oh. Nothing, just that he wondered if he missed any homework today. But I told him that I'll give him my notes the next time I see him."
My heart anchors down to my stomach, ".. Oh. I see."
"Are you okay? Did you guys had another fight?"
I shake my head slowly, "No. I just thought he was mad at me for some reason."
Don't give her too much information, Kenshin. Remember why you are doing this for.
"Did you say something mean to him?"
"No. It's not like that. I promise." I smile weakly at Kaoru, "Really. I just wondered why he was absent from school today."
"He said that he felt really sick. Kinda like you are right now, actually. Told me he got his father's drinks and got a little carried away. I got all mother hen mode and chastised him for doing that." Kaoru huffs, "Honestly, the nerve! I told him that he shouldn't ever reach for alcohol when times get tough because it becomes a terrible habit. And this goes the same for you as well, Kenshin. I'm sorry."
My smile grows even weaker, "Thank you."
"H-huh?" She blushes, caught off guard by that, "For what?"
"For caring about us so much. For being you. You're amazing, Kaoru. You're right. Alcohol is not the answer."
She blushes even deeper but smiles reassuringly, "Of course."
For the rest of that day, Kaoru just took care of me. Not because she wanted or needed anything in return. It's because she's just Kaoru Kamiya. And that's something I'll always cherish about her. If keeping her and my friends in my life means I have to let my suspicions over Soujiro go.. then maybe I really don't have much say in the matter. Right? I guess I really should let it go and learn to trust that little monster. No matter how weird and mixed up I feel whenever I look at him or hear him talk, I have to just let it be. Because after reading Kaoru's diary post about seeing my potential rising thanks to Soujiro.. I have no other choice but to bite the bullet and let Soujiro lead the way. I guess.. What I'm saying, is that I'm ending this investigation.
It's for the best.
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I made it home safely last night from Kaoru's place thanks to the taxi. Her parents never knew about me staying over there and Hiko was passed out again, so I'm lucky that he wasn't awake and wanted to know of my whereabouts. And even if he does ask me later on, I can always slap him back with his drinking. He never wins whenever I pull that card on him. That night's sleep felt really comfortable. I slept like a baby. The morning after, I feel brand new and ready to face the school again with a clearer head. Homeroom was boring as per usual, and of course, Soujiro is absent again. I texted Kaoru to see if she can reach his phone, and she says she will. Because being hungover doesn't last more than a single day, so this is a bit strange on Soujiro's part.
I'm not suspicious or distrustful.
I just..
I walk into the school bathroom during fourth period to use the urinal stalls and then the sink. After washing my hands, I splash the cold water to my face. I groan into my hands. Where is Soujiro? Why do I care about this so much? Why the fuck do I care about him too? This doesn't make any sense. When he told me that he didn't want a relationship with me, much less go on a date with me, things just felt super tense between us straight afterward. Did I wanted more from him? Of course I don't! This arrangement should have kept me happily satisfied, so what the fuck is my problem? What guy isn't happy with free no strings attached sex? I peered into my own eyes in the mirror, my face paler than usual. Even my hair looks a little rattier again.
I don't understand. What's wrong with me?
I dry my face with a piece of hand paper and walk out into the hallway. All I can think about are Kaoru's diary passages. Should I have kept continuing in reading her diary when I had the chance? Maybe there could be more clues.. or, well, maybe signs about Soujiro being the person that I might not have thought of before. Or to see a side or an angle of him that I haven't noticed yet, but that Kaoru and the others have. So far, her entry about him helping me with my homework and grades really opened up a passage to the knowledge that maybe some people really aren't as bad as they seem. Maybe I was too hard on Soujiro. Maybe there really isn't anything going on, after all. Maybe he's just weird and that's it. Maybe he's escaping or hiding from something, but that doesn't make him an evil person by default. We all have something that we hide from, right? So why am I taking the piss out of him and not anyone else?
I tinker with these thoughts as I walk through the hallway to head back to my class, when suddenly I feel something grabbing my arm and violently pulling me into a room. I cry out in shock as I feel my back hitting the floor and the door shutting, the sound of the lock clicking closed making my eyes snap in horror. Who is that?! I could hardly see in the dark classroom that is unused for this period. I feel someone crawling towards me and I start to kick at it instantly by reflex, too shocked to even make another sound or yell for help. Is it Shishio? Or one of his crazy friends? Am I about to get stabbed?! My back slides against the floor as I try to move away from the perpetrator, but the other person refuses to give up. They start to sit on my lap and grab at my wrists when I try to punch at them, and then, I hear it:
"Stop struggling."
A voice so deadly calm and emotionless, but rich in various accents. A voice that I know belongs to none other than the blue eyed brunet who enjoyed his entire life as the cream of the crop. A voice that will surely be the death of me. My eyes snap open, and sure enough, concentrating just hard enough, I can make out the young man's fair features now. I wonder if he wants to pick a fight with me. I wonder if he's really pissed off at me for going home without him on Sunday. I think he's ready to chew my ass out. And to be honest.. after everything that's happened.. I'm ready to let him have it. My muscles in my arms and hands soften. I stop struggling. He feels this and grunts in a quietly confusing tone. It must be a first for us to see me back down so soon like this. I stare at him jadedly and he frowns, still full of questions.
"Kenshin..?" His voice suddenly flickers with emotional tones again.
I sigh, "If you're mad at me, just yell at me already. Get it over with and do what you want."
He blinks, ".. Um?"
I frown at him, "What? What're you so confused about?"
He blinks a few times, "I'm just.. Well.. You usually put up a fight, and now.."
I evade his eyes now, "Yeah, well.. that was then, and this is now. So, do whatever the hell you want from here on out, Soujiro. Take my friends, take my reputation, take my body, take all of it. Just do it. I can't stop you anyway. I won't ever find out why this is even happening, anyway. What's the point. Just do what you want to do and I'll just take it."
It's better than losing you completely.
My eyes snap open and a startled gasp escape me, rousing Soujiro to lean down towards me to cup my face into his hands, "Kenshin?!"
I can't do it. I won't do it. Don't look at him. Don't look at Soujiro. Don't look into his perfect.. his beautiful, perfect eyes. Don't look at that smile. That face. Just don't.. just don't.. my eyes move on their own without my mind making the proper connection, and suddenly I feel a prick of hot tears in my eyes. My heart is beating like crazy now. Soujiro's eyes widen, as if realizing something. We stare into each others' eyes for what felt like an entire eternity. From here, I can really see the ocean blue as the way it should be seen. Deep and vast and open, without any secrets. My lips parted slightly, trying to think of something to say, but nothing comes out. Even Soujiro looks like he wants to say something, too, but can't.
At least, not at first..
"Kensh―"
"―Kiss me."
Soujiro flinches at what he just heard, but I don't waste any time; I grab his forearms to pull him down on top of me and I kiss his lips, those sweet soft lips I have been away from already for nearly two entire days. My tongue pry his lips open and it slithers right in, making Soujiro flinch again and grunt confusingly at this hot minute of frenzy. I take one hand and grab a fist of his hair to keep him firmly in place while my other hand travels down to grab his ass. He trembles with a muffled cry into my mouth, and I just continue to french kiss him all the while. Soon, he couldn't fight back anymore and just melts into the kids, his own hips buckling into mine every time my tongue reigns over his. Fuck, this feels so good. It just feels so right. I growl and wrestle with him until I am able to climb on top of him this time, sucking on his lower lip feverishly while he mewls at the intensity. I can feel him hardening beneath me, rubbing against my own hardness.
I've never fucked anyone in a school before. Guess this will be my first time.
I start kissing his adam's apple and the side of his neck, gnawing on it like a beast feasting on a kindly given bone. Soujiro whines and tightens his hold on my forearms, but it only makes me suck on the skin harder. He groans and humps against me desperately. I start to unbutton his white shirt, something so simple and clean in a sea full of poor and hardened students.. and all the while, hiding the boy's darker and sinister impressions from his very own heart. It's enough to make me want to rip the shirt wide open to show me all of his real motivations. But enough of that. I made a promise to Kaoru and to the rest of the group; I promise to not break the bond between all of us, even if it means ignoring my principles. When all the buttons are undone, I lean back a little to trail my tongue from his adam's apple, down his chest, down his stomach, over his belly button, down his lower torso..
"Ohh, Kenshin, w-wait.." Soujiro's voice fades out with his own uncertainty.
I ignore him and start to undo his belt and zip his jean zipper down. I can feel myself salivating over having Soujiro in that way again. Even though realistically, it hasn't been long since we fucked, it always feels too long when we are apart. Especially when we haven't talked or wrote to each other. This is going to make Soujiro feel so good. I'll make sure of that. I grab the hem of his jeans and his boxers together to pull them down together to reveal his enlarged member. Immediately, Soujiro flinches and starts to visibly shake over my evil grin at this new level of the playing field.
"W-wait!" Soujiro shoots an arm out and I grab it out of sheer reflex, "Kenshin.."
I shake my head, "Don't. You want this. I know you do."
Soujiro grunts, "..?"
I open my eyes to look down at him in a dark tone, "All you do is please other people. Pleasuring other people and using your mouth and your hole to make them cum. But what about you, Soujiro? Who's been taking care of you? Who's been touching you and making you cum? I think it's your time to feel good."
His lower lip tremble, eyes glossy with tears, ".. Kenshin.. Will you.. Can you do something for me?"
I stroke the head of his twitching cock, making him cry out in pleasure, "Anything."
He bites his lower lip in a vague attempt to stop it from trembling, "I.. I just.. I.. I don't know. I don't know what I want, Kenshin! I'm scared! I've never.. I've never had someone be interested in what I want.."
I watch him for a moment, and then a sly smile spreading across my face slowly, "Guess this will be your first time."
He blushes deeper, and I continue on with my work; I take off his shoes, his socks, his pants and his boxers. He gets out of his shirt carefully so as to not rip anything, even though that's exactly what I want to do to it more than anything in the world. I don't bother taking off my own clothes; this is about Soujiro and his pleasure, not mines. Lying there completely stark naked, Soujiro is every bit as beautiful as the word suggests. I think I'm starting to understand the concept of virginity a little better. There's a physical one, a concrete reality: a piece of skin for girls, the unused member of the boys. It is used once and then it is lost forever. And then there's the more complex form of virginity and innocence; one that is from within one self, that cannot be taken unless it is unlocked by another lover who is willing to go the extra mile for the recipient. Soujiro is no virgin by flesh, but he is by heart. I can tell by his blushing cheeks, his heavy breathing, his irises shrinking and expanding. It's clear that he is as nervous as a maiden on her wedding night.
I'm going to take his virginity now.
And I'll make sure he loves it.
"Spread your legs," I growl deeply, making him groan in pleasure from the power of my stance alone, and he does as I say. I shuffle closer and lean on my elbows, carefully taking the sides of his hips with my hands. I can hear the shallow and rapid breathing of Soujiro, and I try to soothe him with gentle kisses on his inner thighs. Soujiro is careful with not being too loud with his moans and gasps, opting to bite his fist as I come dangerously close to his throbbing cock. This is going to be both of our first times in this type of situation. I never would have thought that I'd be caught in a situation like this; my reputation in this school was that I sleep with girls and girls only. I've made a numerous amount of young ladies here and out of this school cum and scream my name before, but I've never have done such a thing with a boy before. And although I've given Soujiro some pleasure and made him cum before.. it was only because I was involved directly, by fucking his ass or him blowing me. He hardly let me touch him back. But that's all going to change today.
Here goes nothing. In a burst of courage, I start to lick the side of his cock and I am surprised by how.. non-offensive it actually tastes. I expected a lot worse, for some reason. But Soujiro actually tastes a little good. Really good, actually. I like how he tastes. Soujiro is going to be my favorite oral, I think. I lick the other side of his length and he starts breathing deeper with each stroke of my tongue.
"Ohh, God," He groans into his fist, "Yes, keep doing that.."
"Mmm, you mean like this?" I whisper hoarsely as I tickle his opening slit with the tip of my tongue. He flinches with an acute cry.
"Hah, yes!"
"Shhh. Keep your voice down, honey." I sigh against his length and continue to lick him, slowly to make him slowly go crazy. His inner thighs are now trembling with every stroke of my tongue. I rub my hands over the slopes of his hips to calm him down some. Soon I hunch over the top of his cock and start to suckle its head, making Soujiro writhe and whine into his fist. I smirk secretly to myself, enjoying the view. He looks so red now, it's hilarious. I go down on him a little deeper this time, careful not to go at this too quickly since I have never done this before and I refuse to fuck it up. After a few minutes of sucking him carefully, I can now almost reach the base of his cock, though I'm still shy of doing a deep throat. Don't know if I'm ready for that yet..
"Mmmgod, yes.. Kenshin.."
I moan at hearing my name like that, and I finally reach all the way down to his base for just a moment before I come back up, coughing. Soujiro looks at me as I try to recover from that physical shock and starts to giggle, "You alright?"
I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand to remove my saliva, "Yeah.."
"It takes practice." Soujiro winks at me.
I stare at him, taking mental notes of all of his beautiful features and the parts of him that makes me harden just by sight alone. It's no wonder he got so much action back then; he's so handsome and good looking. I can't take it anymore. I hastily grab the sides of his hips and pull upwards so that his ass is lifted all the way up and his legs is draped over the sides of his head. He is making all of these confused sounds as one would have expected, but I pay him no mind. There's something that I want to do that I think he will really enjoy. Plus.. it's just.. something that came over me suddenly that I desperately want to do to him.. I lean in and start probing my tongue into his crack, all the way down until I can start poking the rim of his whole. Soujiro flinches and then stiffens all over.
"K-Kenshin!?" He gasps, "What are―"
I thrust my tongue all the way into his hole and his body jerks, crying out softly in pleasure. This is exactly what Soujiro needs and deserves. I continue to eat him out all the while he's trying his best not to be too loud with his whining. I never thought I'd be enjoying this, but I do. I get to see Soujiro enjoying some new heights of pleasure in which he has never experienced before. And it's all because of me. Because of how good I am with my hands and, as it turns out, my tongue too. I take a light bite of his ass cheek and he moans, imagining electrical sparks emerging from that bite and letting it travel down to his cock. I want to make him cum so badly. I eat him out some more and watch lustily as he strokes his own cock at the same time, his breathing ragged and uneven, his bright red flush ever so compatible with the paleness of his skin.
I wonder what your cum tastes like, Soujiro. Is it as good as your hole tastes?
"I'm going to.." He suddenly hisses, biting his fist again, "Arrgh!"
His entire body quakes as he cums all over his chest and his own face. I grab his legs so that he doesn't fall over, leaning back to chuckle at how adorable he looks now that he got himself all sticky. I carefully lay him back down flat again and watch his trembling member soften by the minute for its recovery. I giggle again at Soujiro's annoyed expression, "You got a little something on your face."
"Don't remind me." He huffs, making me laugh a little harder, "What about you? Do you want to cum next?"
"No." I shake my head with a self satisfied smile, "I'm good."
"Are you sure? You can fuck me right now if you want."
"Like I said.." I gently remind him, taking his hand so that we both stand up from the floor, "I'm good. I wanted to make you feel good and that, in return, made me feel good. Let's get you washed up. I think there's a box of napkins around here somewhere."
Soujiro looks at me with the most puzzled expression, and he looks at the floor pensively before mumbling, "Okay.. Um.. Kenshin?"
"Yeah?"
".. Did you missed me?"
I don't answer, and his eyes flicker back up to my face, just so he can see me nod, "Tremendously."
His face is tinted with pink and he wraps his arms around his body absentmindedly, looking back down on the floor, "Oh. I see."
"Did you missed me, too?" I take one step to encroach his space, leaning down to have him look at me in the face again, "Did you wanted to talk to me, but couldn't?"
His eyes waver, ".. I.."
Despite the mess on his face, I take his chin and kiss him, his soft moaning making me harden once more. We stay like that for a moment before I break the kiss gently, and I whisper against his lips, "Don't do it again."
He gapes at me, "Hn.."
I kiss him again, "Don't do it again."
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Soujiro.
I think I'm in love with you.
To be continued