CHAPTER 2

Sendoh was dreaming of his mother.

He knew, somehow, that he was dreaming, but his stomach still twisted with dread as he slowly crossed the familiar lawn behind Rukawa's cottage to where he could see a pale arm hanging limply from the hammock. The same way it had hung from her bed once, when he'd been twelve years old.

Then, in the dream, her hand moved. Her wrist twisted, and her fingers danced, as if she was moving them to music. Sendoh smiled, and walked faster.

"Ma," he said when he reached her. Misara Sendoh smiled at him from her hammock- the one that he and Rukawa had installed together last summer- looking young and beautiful and perfectly relaxed. She didn't speak, only smiled and took his hand.

"Kaede is in the house," Sendoh told her. "I want you to meet him."

Her smile grew wider, but she stayed silent. Sendoh looked toward the house, where he could see his boyfriend's silhouette in the kitchen window. Sendoh waved to him, and Rukawa moved away from the window. Good. He would be here soon, then.

Sendoh gazed at his mother while he waited, knowing that this wouldn't last. He would wake up, she would dissappear. But still he wanted her to meet Rukawa.

Rukawa was taking his fucking time. There was no sign of him when Sendoh looked back at the house, and he began to panic.

Misara patted his hand. She was still smiling, but it looked pained. Her skin was tinged with gray.

"No," Sendoh said. "Wait. He will be here."

An annoying bird started chirping loudly nearby, and Sendoh gripped his mother's hand more tightly.

"Just...wait. Don't go."

Everything dissolved. The bird turned to Sendoh's alarm, and Sendoh found himself in Rukawa's bed in Shohoku.

He snarled at his phone as he turned off the alarm, then scrunched his eyes closed, trying to get the dream back.

It was gone.

He stretched out one hand, searching for Rukawa, but found his half of the bed empty. And cold.

Damn, how long had Rukawa been awake?

It was the first day of that summer's charity basketball camps, so Sendoh shouldn't be surprised Rukawa had gotten an early start. He supposed he should get out of bed and find him.

He rolled to his back and exhaled loudly, trying to release the vortex of feelings that the dreams always churned up inside him. The joy of seeing his mother again, the heartbreak of realizing it wasn't real, and the frustration of Rukawa not moving fast enough. Of not caring enough. It was this last emotion that Sendoh needed to shake off most of all, because it was ridiculous. Rukawa cared. Rukawa cared enough that he'd suggested naming their charity after Sendoh's mother.

He threw on a pair of sweatpants and headed to the kitchen. He found Rukawa sitting at the kitchen table, already wearing a camp-branded polo shirt, studying his laptop screen through his glasses.

"Good morning," Sendoh said.

"Hey," Rukawa said without looking away from the screen. "Just going over the medical forms for the kids. There are so many different things. A couple of the kids are allergic to eggs."

"Then we won't throw eggs at them."

"It's serious! What if something goes wrong?"

"Nothing did last year."

"I know, but it still could."

Sendoh crossed the room and stopped directly behind him. He put his hands on Rukawa's shoulders and squeezed gently. "It will probably happen, someone getting sick or hurt. But it will be okay. Is basketball. And kids."

He combed his fingers through the long strands at the back of Rukawa's head. Sendoh liked it long; he'd liked the way it matched Rukawa's transformation when they were alone together by the lake, relaxed and even a bit silly.

Rukawa rubbed his eyes under his glasses. "I don't want this week to be a disaster."

"You are worrying too much."

"Easy for you to say," Rukawa grumbled. "Your mom hasn't been texting all week with stressful details about this damn camp."

Sendoh's hands dropped to his sides. "No," he said quietly. "She has not."

It was early, and Rukawa had probably barely slept and was tied into even more knots than usual, so Sendoh decide to let the insensitive comment go. He knew Rukawa hadn't meant anything by it. Just like he knew he couldn't be mad at him for never rushing outside to meet Sendoh's mother in his recurring dreams.

Instead, Sendoh made coffee, because it seemed Rukawa hadn't done that yet.

"Where is Yuna?" Sendoh asked, suddenly realizing she wasn't in the kitchen. She was staying with them for the week of the camp. Rukawa's dad, Kazuo, was back home in Okinawa, working.

Rukawa huffed. "She left for the court like forty minutes ago."

As Sendoh had gotten to know Rukawa's parents better, he'd been surprised to learn that Rukawa- the most determined overachiever Sendoh had ever met- was the slacker in the family. "And how many times has she texted you since?"

"Too many. There's a foreign news crew coming this afternoon, I guess. It's English, so I'll talk to them."

"Okay."

"I know it's annoying to have them come on the first day, but..."

"Is fine."

Rukawa turned in his chair to face Sendoh. "Do you think we're ready?"

"I don't know," Sendoh said mildly.

"We only have eight pro basketball players coaching this thing. Do you think that is enough to teach some kids how to play basketball?"

"I'm just..." Whatever Rukawa was going to say dissolved into a frustrated sigh.

Sendoh grabbed the back of Rukawa's chair and pulled him away from the table and his laptop. He crouched in front of him, resting his folded arms on Rukawa's knees. "You are just being you."

Sendoh was excited about the camp- he'd enjoyed them last year- but he didn't like how quickly Rukawa had reverted to his usual, uptight self. These weeks could have been spent at the cottage, laughing together in the kitchen, dunking each other underwater in the lake, and enjoying unhurried, indulgent sex in a place where they were safe and alone. Sendoh could be sitting on the dock there right now, his feet dangling in the cool water with Rukawa's head in his lap.

But these camps were important to both of them. They would raise money for organization and initiatives that helped people who struggled with mental illness. People who struggled the way Sendoh's mother had struggled.

The worry didn't leave Rukawa's eyes, but his voice was soft when he said, "What if someone figures us out?"

"We are good at protecting this thing," Sendoh said. "We have been doing it for years. And we did it last year."

"Barely! Kicchou Fukuda fucking walked in on us kissing! What if that happens again?"

Sendoh grinned. "Am I so impossible to resist?"

Rukawa lightly kicked Sendoh's ankle. "As if. It's you I'm worried about."

"I will try to control myself."

Rukawa played with a spike of hair Sendoh's. "No kissing," he said sternly. "Not even behind closed doors, okay? Not until we get home."

"Yes, no problem. I barely even like you." Sendoh words were undermined by the way he was pressing his cheek into Rukawa's palm.

"I'm worried about Sakuragi too," Rukawa said.

"Kissing you?"

"No! Giving us away, I mean."

Sendoh huffed. "Is possible. He is not smart."

Hanamichi Sakuragi was Rukawa's teammate, and, for reasons Sendoh still couldn't understand, was also one of the very few people on earth who knew the truth about Rukawa and Sendoh's relationship. And he was one of the coaches at their camp, despite Sendoh's protests that he wasn't coach material.

Rukawa tugged hard on the spike hair he'd been gently twisting. "He's my best friend."

"I thought I was your best friend."

"Sakuragi's my best friend that I don't kiss," Rukawa clarified.

"Too bad for Sakuragi." Sendoh stood, stopping halfway to give a Rukawa a quick kiss, then went to the coffeemaker. He filled two mugs with black coffee, placed one on the table beside Rukawa's laptop, then began adding cream and sugar to his own mug. Rukawa was doing a strict performance diet thing, so any dairy products or sugar in the house were Sendoh's.

"Thanks," Rukawa mumbled, about a minute after Sendoh gave him his coffee. He was looking at his phone now.

"Yuna again?"

"Yeah."

"Should we go?"

"No. It's okay. Enjoy your coffee." Rukawa stood and turned to face Sendoh. "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine," Sendoh lied. "Better than you, probably."

"Probably." Rukawa removed his reading glasses, then raked his gaze over Sendoh's body. "You're unfairly handsome in the mornings, you know that?"

Sendoh grinned. "Tell me in Russian."

Rukawa's nose scrunched up in concentration. "Um...ty ochen' krasiv?"

Sendoh's heart fluttered the way it always did when Rukawa attempted Russian. "Close enough."

"No. Tell me how I could have said it better," Rukawa insisted.

Instead, Sendoh kissed him, slow and lazy with Rukawa's palms gliding over Sendoh's bare chest.

"You need to get dressed," Rukawa murmured. "And eat something."

"I will get McDonald's breakfast on the way."

"Gross." Rukawa stepped back and retrieved his coffee from the table. "I'm serious about the no kissing today. And don't, like, be sexy."

"Impossible."

"You know what I mean," Rukawa smirked at him and translate to English. "No innuendo."

"Innu-what? Is this a sex thing?"

"No flirting. No, y'know, trying to get me all turned on or whatever. Be professional."

Sendoh stepped close to him. "I do not have to try to get you all turned on, moy lyubimyy."

Rukawa's lips parted and he shifted his stance, just slightly. Then he blinked and said, "That. Exactly that. Don't do anything like it today."

Sendoh trailed a fingertip down Rukawa's cheek. "Why? Are you all turned on?"

"No. And as soon as I see you eating one of those disgusting breakfast sandwiches, I'll never want to kiss you again."

Sendoh laughed. "I'd better eat two, then. To be safe."

"Welcome to Camp Sendoh," Sendoh announced.

"Boooo," said Kenji Fujima, and the kids laughed.

"Is that not the name?" Sendoh asked innocently. "I thought we had agreed."

Rukawa could only shake his head, pressing his lips tight together to suppress his grin.

"It's the Game Changers Basketball Camp!" one of the kids yelled out.

"Ugh. Bad. Camp Sendoh is better. I am Sendoh, and this is my friend Rukawa."

"Hi," Rukawa said.

"Everyone knows that me and Rukawa like each other a lot and always get along," Sendoh said. The kids laughed more. Some called out protests. "But in case we... disagree...we have brought more friends to help. For the goalies, your coaches will be Kenji Fujima, who left Shoyo's and plays with me for your favorite team, the Tendouji of Okinawa."

Some of the kids were brave enough to boo.

"We're all on the same team now," Fujima said, grinning. "Hello everyone's."

"And also, Ayako, who has more medals and awards than anyone else here, I think."

"Hello," Ayako said cheerfully. "I didn't play basketball, but, I am very smart about basketball rules."

Sendoh tapped his hand on the ball he's holding as applause, and the kids and other coaches all did the same. "For offense players, the coaches will be Kicchou Fukuda, who is the tall and handsome man over there..."

"Uh, hi," Fukuda said quietly as he dribbled his balls.

"...and Hisashi Mitsui, the shooting guard and sort of handsome man next to him."

"Watch it, Sendoh," Mitsui said, and Rukawa knew he was only partly kidding Mitsui, one of Rukawa's alternate captains and closest friends, had not been impressed when he'd first learned that Rukawa and Sendoh were friends. He'd mostly gotten over it but, like Sakuragi, had never quite warmed to Sendoh. Rukawa certainly wasn't ready to tell Mitsui that he and Sendoh were more than friends. Not yet.

Despite Sendoh's teasing assessment, Mitsui was undeniably handsome, though he and Kicchou Fukuda couldn't look or be more different from each other. Fukuda was silence man with narrowed eyes, and curly hair. He also suffered from anxiety, which was one of the reason he had retired early at age thirty. Mitsui, was a little lower than Fukuda, but just as broad. He had warm ivory skin, short hair with dark blue color, and all the confidence in the world.

The other major difference between them was that Kicchou Fukuda did know Rukawa and Sendoh's secret. He'd walked in on them kissing last year at the end of the first day of camp. Rukawa still barely knew the guy because he was too embarrassed to even look Fukuda in the eye. But Fukuda was gay himself, and he wasn't much of a talker. He'd kept their secret, as far as Rukawa could tell.

"And for the forwards," Sendoh continued after the kids had stopped scolding him. "We have me and Rukawa! And for the point guard, was Ryota Miyagi! Who you know ex player from Team Shohoku. And from being Ayako's husband."

Rukawa was pleased by the inviting for Miyagi. Sendoh had suggested inviting him to be a coach, and Rukawa had quickly agreed. Miyagi had been in the media spotlight quite a bit over the past couple of years after coming out from Shohoku. He'd played for Team Tokyo as soon as his wife, Ayako, was transferred from Shohoku and being managing for Tokyo Team. Rukawa was glad both he and Ayako were part of their staff. Not only because they were ex teammates from Shohoku, but because they were both incredible in basketball.

"And also Hanamichi Sakuragi," Sendoh said quickly. "Okay! Let's get started."

Rukawa was, Sendoh had to admit, a pretty terrible coach. But in an adorable way.

"Okay," Rukawa mumbled to a group of young basketball players. "So, you start with the center threw the ball up. I mean, there'll be a whistle and then you go. And the ball is coming from the center. Um...there's two groups. One in each corner, and, uh..."

Sendoh felt like he'd somehow walked into one of Rukawa's nightmares. Like he was being forced to present a lecture on a topic he knew nothing about.

Likely also noticing the confusion and panic on the kid's faces, Mitsui took over. As he explained the fairly simple drill with his cheerful, booming voice, Rukawa retreated to stand next to Sendoh.

"Very good job, Coach Kaede," Sendoh teased.

"I suck at this," Rukawa said.

"Yes, but the rest of us are good, so no problem."

It was true. Even Kicchou Fukuda, who was one of the shyest and most socially awkward people Sendoh had ever met, was remarkably good with kids.

"I'm supposed to be in charge, though," Rukawa said unhappily.

"You're supposed to be in charge of your team too, but we all know Mitsui is the real Shohoku captain."

Rukawa kicked him in the ankle. "I'm a great captain."

"I know, sweetheart."

Rukawa kicked him again, harder this time. "Knock it off."

The game began, and Sendoh watched as the kids took passes and run around court with the ball. Everyone seemed to understand what to do, so Mitsui had done a good job. Sendoh glanced at the far end of the court, where Ryota Miyagi and Ayako were working with six young players. Fujima was also assisting by taking careful shots on the hoop. There was a lot of laughter and whooping coming from that end of the court.

"This is going well," Sendoh said.

"You think so?"

"Yes. The kids are having fun. The coaches are good. And I think Number Twenty-Two has a crush on me." He nodded in the direction of a girl whose eyes went wide, and she quickly looked away.

Rukawa scoffed. "Who doesn't have a crush on you?"

"Sakuragi." Sendoh paused, as if deep in thought. "Unless..."

"Hold on a sec," Rukawa said. Then he jogged toward a boy who had just looks troubling with dribbling the ball. He bent at the waist to talk to the kid, then began showing him something to do with dribbling the ball. Sendoh felt a lot of things at once, both from the way Rukawa's track pants pulled tight against his thigh muscles, and from the warmth that bloomed in Sendoh's chest whenever he watched Rukawa interact with children.

"Are you actually going to do some coaching, or are you just here to shoot heart eyes at kitsune?"

Sendoh blinked and turned his gaze away from his boyfriend to look directly at Hanamichi Sakuragi. "Are you here for any reason at all?"

Sakuragi tapped his jersey of Shohoku that he was wearing. "Here to represent the winning team, spiky."

Well. Sendoh couldn't argue with that. His own team wasn't going to be winning cups anytime soon. He made a mental note to wear Rukawa's jersey tomorrow, because it would make Sakuragi furious, and said, "You lead the next passing ball. You are good at passing."

Sakuragi's eyes narrowed, as if he was analyzing Sendoh's words, searching for the insult. Finally, cautiously, he said, "I am good at passing. I lead Shohoku in assist."

"I know. That is why I said it."

"Okay then."

"Okay."

Sakuragi studied him another moment, then nodded and walked away. Sendoh hadn't realized how much fun it would be to confuse Sakuragi with compliments. He would have to do it more often.

Sendoh couldn't help but notice that the reporter guy Rukawa was talking to was very...attractive. Sendoh tried to keep his focus on the kids he was coaching, but his gaze kept drifting back to where Rukawa was standing just behind the glass in one corner. Even from here, Sendoh could see the flirtatious smile the man was giving Rukawa.

Or maybe they were just regular smiles and Sendoh was being ridiculous.

"Mr. Sendoh?"

He dragged his attention away from his boyfriend and the handsome stranger and looked down at the girl in front of him.

"Akira," he corrected her, warmly. "Is something wrong, Chichi?"

"No. I just, um..." She glanced down at her balls, which she was hold nervously.

Sendoh crouched down. "Yes?"

"I keep missing passes. Not just in the court, but, like, all the time. Do you know what I'm doing wrong?"

Sendoh smiled. "We will try some and see what the problem is."

He spent the next fifteen minutes sending passes to Chichi, and correcting her hands placement when she was receiving them. By the end of it, she was beaming with pride as she easily accepted a bunch of consecutive passes from him, and Sendoh had barely glanced in Rukawa's direction.

As Chichi joined the group that Mitsui had called to super shooting, Sendoh took a peek and saw the handsome man laughing with Rukawa about something. And then the fucker placed a hand on Rukawa's arm.

There was no good reason for Sendoh to running away from the court with one balls and fire it at the glass behind Rukawa's head, but he did it anyway. He could see Rukawa give him a death glare, and Sendoh laughed when he whipped around, eyes flashing with fury.

"Asshole!" Rukawa yelled.

Sendoh gestured his hands toward the children on the court and shook his head. "Language, Rukawa."

Things were tense between them for the rest of the day. Sendoh couldn't even apologize because Rukawa wouldn't talk to him. Not that he felt like apologizing; he just wanted Rukawa to stop being mad about it.

And Sendoh wanted to stop feeling embarrassed about doing it. It had been immature and petty and unprofessional. He still didn't want to apologize, though.

They had a debriefing, of sorts, at the end of the day with Yuna in the room they all used as an office. Rukawa didn't even look at Sendoh for the entire conversation. When Yuna left, Sendoh braced himself for Rukawa's fury.

The storm started with Rukawa loudly shuffling papers for no reason. Then he crossed his arms, huffed, and stared at the wall opposite Sendoh.

Sendoh couldn't stand it. He'd rather Rukawa unleash whatever anger he had inside him so they could move on. Fortunately, he was an expert when it came to making Rukawa unleash his anger.

"What is the problem?" Sendoh asked.

Rukawa spun to face him, eyes glaring. "The problem is that I'm trying to run a camp with a fucking toddler."

"Is this about the ball thing?" Sendoh asked innocently.

"It's about you having to always make me look like an idiot!"

"Come on."

"Why'd you do it? Because Raiden's handsome?"

"Raiden." Sendoh took a triumphant step toward him. "So you are attracted to him."

"What? No. I mean, yes. He's nice to look at but-"

"And he liked looking at you."

Rukawa paused at that, and his cheeks pinked in a way that Sendoh normally loved. He was not so into it now. "As if," Rukawa said. "You weren't even there."

"I could tell."

Rukawa was only inches away from him now, his head tilted back so he could glare directly at Sendoh despite their height a bit difference. "You almost gave me a heart attack with that stupid ball, and why? Because you thought I was flirting?"

Sendoh huffed. "You do not know how to flirt."

Rukawa's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Akira."

Sendoh looked away. "I was jealous, maybe."

"Keep going."

"I... It was stupid, okay? I am not proud."

When he turned his gaze back to Rukawa, he found him smiling at him, but not in a nice way. More in a victorious, smug away. "What did you really think was going to happen?"

Sendoh shrugged. "Maybe you would think he was nice. Hot. Not a rival basketball player." He was terrified that one day Rukawa would realize he could be with someone who wasn't a dark secret. That it could be easy to love someone.

Rukawa exhaled loudly, his exasperation clear. "I have spent the whole day trying not to-" His eyes darted to the door, which was ajar, likely realizing how loudly he was talking. He dropped his voice to a near whisper. "Trying not to be obvious about how fucking in love with you I am."

"Kaede-"

"No. Shut up. If you really don't get that I'm not going to leave you for the first cute guy who smiles at me, then I don't know what we're even doing, Akira."

"I'm sorry," Sendoh said, because suddenly he really was. "Was a weird day. I was maybe just..." He sighed. "I'm sorry."

Rukawa rested a hand on Sendoh's chest. "I'm yours. You know that."

"I know." Sendoh found himself leaning in for a kiss, completely forgetting where they were.

He remembered slightly too late.

"Oh god," said a voice from the doorway. "Not again."

Kicchou Fukuda was filling the doorway with his massive body, looking mortified.

"We weren't!" Rukawa said quickly. "We were just talking."

Fukuda glanced between them, which wasn't hard to do because they were practically stuck together. "Okay."

Sendoh took a step back, and very calmly said, "Can we help you with something?"

"The, uh, news guys are packing up and wanted to talk to you. I ran into them on my way out."

"Thanks." Rukawa sounded like he wanted to die. "We'll be right there."

Fukuda nodded again. "Okay. Well. See you tomorrow." He darted away before either Rukawa or Sendoh could respond.

"I like that guy," Sendoh said.

"Me too. And I like that he can keep a secret."

"Yes. Maybe we can go out this week with him and his Fugiki."

"What, like a double date?"

"Sure. Why not?" They'd had Hanamichi Sakuragi and his wife, Haruko, over to Rukawa's house a few times. And they'd gone to the Sakuragi's house once, which had been fun because Sendoh had been able to play with their four awesome kids and ignore Sakuragi. But they'd never hung out together with another queer couple. Not one that knew about their relationship. Sendoh thought it might be...neat.

Rukawa's face scrunched up in an adorable way and Sendoh knew he was trying to find a reason to protest, but in the end he smiled and said, "Ok. We could really do that, couldn't we?"

Sendoh smiled back. "We could."

Rukawa blew out a breath. "Okay. I'm going to go talk to Raiden."

"Is he invited on our date too? Are we breaking your no threesomes rule?"

Rukawa was already walking out the door, flipping Sendoh off with a hand behind his back.

"What's Kaede's problem?" Yuna asked.

Sendoh glanced at the kitchen table, where Rukawa was staring miserably into the middle distance, the lower part of his face covered by his folded hands.

"Looks normal to me," Sendoh said dryly. He sprinkled some blueberries over the salad he'd made to go with the chicken Yuna had baked for dinner.

"Kaede, what's wrong?" Yuna asked.

Rukawa exhaled slowly, lowered his hands, and said, "Nothing. Just, y'know, replaying the entire day in my head. I can't believe Fukuda walked in on us again."

Yuna turned away from the chicken breasts she'd been checking. "Seriously, guys?"

"We weren't doing anything!" Rukawa clarified.

"Kaede was about to," Sendoh said.

"I was not."

"You were going to kiss me."

"You were going to kiss me."

"Okay. Enough," Yuna said. "It's not such a big deal, right? Fukuda's gay, so he must be..." She rotated one hand in the air, searching for the right words. "Cool with it."

"He looked horrified," Rukawa said.

"Is fine," Sendoh said easily. "He has known for a year and has not told anyone. Where is the goat cheese?"

"I know, but it's embarrassing. And unprofessional. And we've burdened the poor guy with a pretty huge secret," Rukawa said. "Leave the cheese off my salad, okay?"

"I know."

"I like Fukuda," Yuna said. "He's a big sweetie."

"Yes," Sendoh agreed. "We are going to ask about a double date with him and his boyfriend, maybe."

Yuna placed her hands on Sendoh's shoulders and squeezed, once. "I love that idea."

Sendoh bit his lip to contain his smile. He really liked Rukawa's family.

"You don't think you could tell the rest of the staff about your relationship?" Yuna asked, returning to the chicken. It was a question Sendoh had been asking himself a lot. He focused on getting the goat cheese out of the fridge and let Rukawa answer.

"Not yet," Rukawa said. "Ayako and Miyagi would be safe, I think. But we don't know them that well, so I don't really see the point in telling them, y'know?"

"We could tell Fujima, maybe," Sendoh said.

"You think?" Rukawa asked. Then he shook his head. "I don't want your goalie to know. Too weird."

"Sakuragi knows," Yuna pointed out. "Why can't Akira's teammate know?"

"Sakuragi is my best friend, and the only one of my teammates who knows. I'm sure as hell not telling Mitsui."

"Can I tell him?" Sendoh asked.

"Don't even joke about that." Rukawa sighed. "I like Mitsui, and he's been really supportive of me being gay, but he's not ready to hear about us. Trust me."

"Well, neither was I," Yuna said. "But I got over it."

"Mitsui isn't my mom."

"No," Yuna said. "Your mom is the one making dinner at the end of a long day while you sit on your butt and mope. Come help."

"I'm helping," Sendoh couldn't resist pointing out.

"I know you are." Yuna patted his cheek. "That's why you're my favorite son."

Sendoh grinned at Rukawa, who tried to look annoyed but mostly failed because his eyes had gone soft.

Later, they sat around the table and toasted their successful first day of camp with glasses of water. They ate their healthy, Rukawa-approved dinner and talked about basketball, and the charity, and decor ideas for Rukawa's house, and plans for the rest of the summer. It felt, as it always did to Sendoh, wonderful and surreal at the same time. He'd never expected to have this domestic comfort in his life. Not with anyone. He'd never expected to be part of a family, and have parents again.

He would do absolutely everything to protect this, and he was constantly terrified that, when it came to it, he wouldn't be able to. Because the day would come.

Rukawa offered to clean up after dinner to make up for slacking off during the preparation. Yuna insisted on helping, which probably meant she wanted to talk to Rukawa, so Sendoh headed outside to the back deck.

He leaned on the railing and stared up at the sky where the stars were barely visible from all the city lights. Nothing like at Rukawa's cottage.

"I think you'd like what we did today." Sendoh spoke quietly to the sky. "I hope you are proud, Ma."

He only ever spoke to one of his parents, though both were dead now. His mother's death had been sudden and devastating. His father had faded away gradually from Alzheimer's, and Sendoh still hadn't sorted out his feelings about losing the man who'd never had a nice word to say to him. Or to Sendoh's wonderful mother.

Sendoh's friend Haru, back in Okinawa, swore there was a ghost living in his parents' house. A great-uncle or something. Sendoh didn't think he believed in ghosts, but he clung to the idea that his mother's spirit was with him, somehow. He needed her to be.

"Hey," Rukawa said in a hushed voice behind him. "Mom's gone to bed."

Sendoh turned to face him. He'd changed, when they'd gotten home, into sweat shorts and a Shohoku T-shirt. His feet were bare and his raven hair was rumpled. Sendoh immediately opened his arms and Rukawa practically fell into them, resting his forehead on Sendoh's shoulder and exhaling loudly.

"I'm exhausted," Rukawa said. "Let's go to bed, okay?"

"Sure."

But Rukawa didn't move. He wrapped his strong arms around Sendoh's waist and held him, breathing slowly against Sendoh's neck. Sendoh rocked them a bit, gently, from side to side, and enjoyed the quiet. He closed his eyes and focused on how good it felt to be with Rukawa, alone in the dark, and tried not to wish it could be the same in the light.

TBC

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