Author's note: Hey everyone. I'm back and thankfully have not abandoned this story because I really want to finish it if it's the last thing I'll do while I'm alive. College hasn't killed me yet and I'm taking the summer off, so I have time to update a little closer together now. I'm actually re-reading this story of mine from start to finish, and you know what? I'm actually proud of it, so I want to finish it. I hope nobody hates me yet, lol. I'm still working on the prologue of my new story, so keep your eye out for that too!
Caution: This has strong sexual themes. Viewer discretion is advised.
"For these words he won't come around here
And his eyes won't see
And you know he won't come around here
He needs it to be
It's like something evil is taking a hold
Nothing deep here
It's like we're losing our sense of home
Just disappear..
Just disappear."
- Harrison Storm
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"Can we see what's on that laptop now?"
I knew you would ask that. I knew you wouldn't give up so easily. I knew. You're not one to give up just like that, after all. That's one of the reasons why I love you so much. I knew you wouldn't let go of the darkness that sucks up the room of my father's. I knew that nothing could deter you away from the man who could hold so many secrets. I didn't wanted you to know anything about me, Kenshin. Not the bad parts. Especially those bad parts; the dirty, rotten, terrible things about me. I wanted you to love me for the brightness I could be in your life.. to be the fresh air for you to breathe in. And my God, do I wanted you breathe me in, so that I could always be a part of you. I wonder if I even love you as much as I am obsessed over you. Can you do both with one person?
Can you?
I rub my face against his neck, that smell of his always lingering. The smell of smoke. The smell of leather. Of broken dreams.
"Yes." I whisper, our hands clasped together. And we walk together just like that, with our hands holding together, back into my father's room. I have been inside that room before. Many, many times. For reasons that are so normal, really. I've been there to take a shower there whenever I'm tired of my own bathroom. I've been there to take a nap on his massive bed. I've been there to do my homework, whenever he'd go on his business trips, and when I wanted to have a reminder that I wasn't living here all by myself. He's always gone a lot, that old man. I sometimes feel weird calling him my father.. he was my creator. The reason I am physically alive today. But he doesn't feel like a father. He feels like the architect of little boys instead. He created me, with the smooth hands of a business man, and the eyes of a callous surgeon. But he made me into the young man I am today.
A man full of sickness and secrets.
"H'okay!" Kenshin plops down on the chair in front of the small desk where the laptop sits, "Let's see what's on this baby!"
I wince slightly to myself, smiling awkwardly, "Yes.."
He turns to look at me, ".. Soujiro?"
I flinch, looking back down at him, "..?"
Would he tell me that we don't have to do this? That he's sorry for asking to look at it? That we should forget about it, and go do something else? Something less sinister? Or maybe.. maybe he'll apologize again? But I don't need that. I just want him away from that laptop. I'm scared of what he'd find. I'm scared of what I'll find on that God forsaken hunk of technology. My father lived and taught me to always hold your cards close to your chest. To never trust anybody. Not even your own family. I blink, looking at his face, and those beautiful eyes. Light and lilac, if not blue depending on the lighting. I love it. And that red hair, so gorgeous in its own right. I'd pull on it all day while we'd fuck if we could. I shiver a bit from that thought but cough to cover up, straightening myself up, "Y-yes?"
He gapes at me, ".. You are sure that you are okay with this? With me looking at your dad's laptop?"
I smile bitterly, "Yes.. Please, do. I have nothing to hide."
Liar.
He smiles with relief, turning to the laptop to open it and turn it on. Meanwhile, my smiles fades to a sad frown. Oh, Kenshin. What will you think of me now, when you find what you were meant to find after all of this time? That my life is not this perfect dream that everyone else thinks? That my family hides such a disgusting tradition behind closed curtains? That I am never going to be a normal adult after all that my father has put me through? Of all those cameras.. and evil smiles.. and.. I gulp dryly. No. No, I don't want to think about that. Not right now. I have another beast to face. My heart thunders inside my chest as the "Password Required" screen lights up in front of Kenshin's face. I blink, finally realizing, that the pain that crept in my hand.. was from gripping so hard that my fingernails very nearly cut the skin.
Kenshin looks at me again innocently, "Do you know the password?"
I stare vacantly at that screen.
...
I don't? I don't know..
"I don't know.." I could barely hear myself speak, bewildered.
Do I really not know my father that well at all, after all these years?
Kenshin looks back at the screen and starts to type on the keyboard, "Tell me your mother's maiden name."
I grip harder, ".. Nishimoto."
He types it in and clicks enter. That password is incorrect. He hums. A pause. He looks back at me, "When's your birthday again?"
"September 18?"
He types it in and enters it.
"Fuck." He hisses, "Incorrect again."
"What about.. um.." I press my two index finger tips together shyly, "Their wedding date? November 11th, 1997."
He enters it. Still wrong.
"You have two more tries." Kenshin repeats the instruction from the screen, "Before this bitch locks itself. Fuck!"
This is so uncomfortable. There's just no way we'd be able to crack this. My father is the mastermind behind security. It's why his enterprise has been so successful without any breaches so far. Except for that one time.. I shake my head. No. Don't think about that. Now is not the time for regrets.
"Does he have a favorite color?" Kenshin laughs, but it sounds sarcastic and irritated. The skin under my eye twitches.
"I don't know? No? He never.. told me.." I look down on myself.
"Well, try." He demands me, and I flinch.
Silence.
"Try white."
He types it in and enters. I jump as he slams his hand against the table, "No!"
"Kenshin!" I couldn't hold back, and I swivel the chair he's sitting on to face me, "Stop this!"
"I can't! This laptop.. I know there's something fucking horrible on it.." He growls, not tearing his eyes away from that damn screen, "I'm not doing this.. to hurt you, Soujiro.. I just wonder.. if your father ever hurt you or someone else..!"
I grab his face with my hands and rip his lips open with my tongue to make out with him, climbing over him to straddle his lap. I have to make him forget! I have to distract him.. make him fuck me instead.. anything but this! I can't let him know! I can't let him! I won't let him! He struggles with me and very nearly rips my lips away from his, his eyes wild with the flames of fury.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He hisses, but I try again. He leans back immediately and, without thinking, smacks me lightly across the face.
And I look at that computer screen again. The Password Required screen laughing back at my moistened stare. He's going to find out, it cackles. There's nowhere else to run now! Better kiss him goodbye. Better make it count. Bet he'll beat the shit out of you after he finds out the company's secret? I bet he would. We all bet that. I take in a quivering breath, a single tear slipping down my cheek. I hide my face in my hands, defeated.
".. Soujiro..?" Kenshin gently takes my wrists to pull them away from my face, "Oh my God.. I'm so sorry, I.. I didn't mean to hit you.. baby."
I flinch, my heart quitting. He just called me baby.
Why does that feel so familiar?
"I'm.." I couldn't finish, and start to sob, dissolving into his hug as he holds me.
"I.. I fucking suck. I'm so fucking sorry.. Soujiro," Kenshin keeps whispering and couldn't make any sentences, so he just hugs me tighter, "Okay. Let's get out of here. I'm so sorry.."
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I'm sorry, too..
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We decided to go out for a drive. I sit next to Kenshin in his pick up truck and he drives us far from home. I don't know where he is taking us, but after crying so much.. I don't really have the energy to ask. Or, care about it, really. As long as he's with me and he loves me.. that's all that matters. I can't let him know too much about me. I can't let him know about how I tracked him down in the first place. I can't let him know how I threatened my father and out his secrets unless he moved us to Kyoto. I can't let him know about my sexual past with.. I bite my lower lip, looking at my lap. No. I can't. I look at Kenshin as he focuses intensely at the road ahead. I can't let him know of any of those things. He'd stop loving me if he did. And I refuse to let that happen.
Whatever it takes.
"Listen," Kenshin starts, sighing, "I'm sorry I was such a colossal douchebag to you today. Let me make it up."
I smile weakly, "How?"
He turns to me, grinning, "I want to see it. I want to see Tokyo."
"Don't even joke about that." I warn him sternly, looking at the window next to me, "Besides, it's six hours away by car."
"I'm down for the challenge."
"No."
I hear his crisp laughter, "Alright alright, sheesh! Fine, not Tokyo. What about something nearer but still cool?"
"Like what?"
"Like.. Osaka?"
I sigh, "We didn't bring our clothes or anything with us."
"You got your wallet and money, right?"
"Yeah?"
"And your phone, obviously?"
"Duh."
"And so did I. We'll live."
"You'll skip hanging out with your friends just to be with me?"
"Abso-fucking-lutely. Fuck them, they'll survive without us. I like being with you way more."
My heart weakens. Kenshin.
"You don't mean that." I laugh nonchalantly.
It's quiet for a moment.
"I do."
My eyes snap open and I turn my head slowly to look at him, and he finally looks back at me, with a smile on his face that I have never seen before. It looks so honest and unassuming, unlike his usual sarcastic simpers. I think I forgot how to breathe. He looks back on the road to focus again, and I also look back in front of me too. Holy shit. That really does it. I can't let this man go. Not for anything in the world. I love him. I'm so in love with him, it's probably going to kill me soon.
"Osaka, here we come." I smile to myself, and I can hear him smirking in agreement.
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"You picked a great hotel once again." Kenshin laughs as he slam dunks himself into this huge master bed, "Let me guess, does your father come here often with his work buddies, too?"
"No. This is my first time ever here." I leap into the bed to cuddle with him, "I think it's nice. Making my own traditions."
"Oooh," He growls playfully, pulling me up so that I am straddling his lap, "Is this a feistier version of Soujiro? Me likey."
I smirk with my brows furrowed in slight confusion, "You're weird."
"And you're hot." He takes my face with his hands and pulls me down, kissing me just as I sigh in pleasure.
We had sex and then we have a shower together. Once we are back in the room waiting for our hair to dry, Kenshin flips through his mobile phone to try to find a nearby attraction for us to do. He said he wants to spend the holidays here in Osaka with me. I told him that he's crazy, and asked him about Hiko and Kaoru. What will they think? How will they feel about us being gone for several days without them? Kenshin could only shrug and mutters, "Don't care."
I let my eyes slip close upon hearing that. As much as I love him, he can be such a pain in the ass. And then, I smile. Even if he is a pain in the ass, he's still mine and I am so happy for that. There's still so much for me to do in order to secure a future with him. I was afraid of committing myself to him before because I wanted to somehow take things slow between us. I didn't know if my secrets could stay close if he tried to move the relationship too fast for my liking. But now? I'm welcoming the speed it's picking up between us. It might mean moving some objectives around in my long term scheduling and plans, but.. I think I can manage. I'd have to work extra hard at hiding secrets from him, but if it means I can have a future with him.. A real future filled with love every single day between us for the rest of our lives.. then I'll do it. Whatever it takes.
"Let's go to the movie theaters. There's this new movie that just came out that I've been meaning to watch." I suggest, turning on the small coffee machine in the kitchen, "It's the one with the super heroes in it."
"Yeah, I think I know the one you're talking about. Okay. Sure." Kenshin fiddles some more on his mobile phone, which I'm assuming he's on a movie ticket app to reserve us the seats at the nearby theaters. When we get married, I'll be sure that we keep having these sorts of dates together. When I was little, I can still remember how lonely my mother would look while dad was too busy with work to take her outside. Sure, she'd have her rich friends to go out to brunch with, but.. it's not the same. Love is never the same as friendship. Love is different, and deeper, and so much important than anything else in the world. It broke my heart seeing my mother like that. And I vow to never end up like her, or make Kenshin end up like her.
Our marriage is going to be so loving and full of passion.
I'll make sure of that.
As we sip coffee to warm ourselves up from that shower, we sit together on the bed while watching TV. I lean my head on his shoulder and sigh, "I can't wait till we're married."
"You're adorable." He sighs.
"Where would you like to get married?"
"On Mars."
I roll my eyes, scoffing. He laughs.
"I'm kidding! Um. I don't know. Do you have any place in mind, Soujiro?"
"I'm not sure. Maybe we can try someplace European."
"I'd like that."
...
"Hey, Soujiro?"
"Yeah?"
"Where did your parents got married?"
"Believe it or not, in Paris. Same place I was born, too. It was meant to be, I guess."
"Would you.." Kenshin hesitates and I look up at him, "Would you like.. to get married there, too?"
I blink, "Why?"
He winces, "I mean. Yeah, maybe shit was fucked up between your parents. And maybe your dad was a fucking dick to your mom, abandoning her like that when she gave birth to you. But.. maybe that's why we should get married there. Erase all that omen from that place and replace it with a beautiful memory, instead. The memory of us, and.."
He blushes and I melt on the inside. Oh, Kenshin!
"You mean it?" I set my coffee cup down on the night table next to the bed on my side before I hug his waist, "Everything you're saying right now?"
"Sure. Why would I be lying?" He grins sheepishly, and then his smiles relaxes, "I love you, Soujiro. I only want you to have good things in life, now. I promise to be better to you. So much better. And like I said.. I want Paris to be the memory of us, and of love. Not of pain."
I couldn't hold myself back and kissed him right there and then. A sweet, closed lipped one. But a very deep kiss, for sure. In that kiss, we made our vows in spirit.
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We're now at the movie theaters. We didn't see a lot of people coming in, but I guess it kinda goes without saying. It's the major holiday season, and most people want to spend some private time with families instead of being out and about. That makes Kenshin and I extremely lucky. We're sitting all the way in the back, with just random people dotting the place here and there way below from us. And while they had their eyes glued on the screen, focusing on the movie.. I am suckling on the sensitive head of Kenshin's hard cock, saliva spilling from my chin and dripping down on his inner thighs. I'm trying my best to stay quiet, despite the natural sucking or squelching noises from such an activity. Kenshin's also doing great at staying quiet, though I can tell he's about ready to explode in my mouth any second now.
"Kenshin.." I whisper, carefully getting on my knees to the floor below my seat, maneuvering myself so that I can be in between his legs and continue to pleasure him orally. Kenshin tastes the best I've ever had. I've been fucked by at least a dozen males in my life, and had a few tastes from them too. But Kenshin fucking wins by a long stretch. What is it about him that tastes so good? Maybe love is blind. But seriously! He tastes better than my favorite desserts!
He looks so helpless and in shock at the beautiful sight below him. The love of his life, sucking and deep throating him, with my brilliant blue eyes shining even in the dark room. I know I'm very attractive and know how to use it to my advantage.
It only took a few minutes, but he finally cums in my mouth. I slip his softening cock out of my mouth before showing him my tongue, drenched with his semen. He's biting his fist all the while to hold his own moans from the blow job before, and now he's just sitting there still biting out of the amazing view of me being his personal cum dumpster.
He finally lets go of his fist from his mouth, shaking his head with a scoffing smirk, "Damn."
Indeed.
Kenshin wants to return the favor, so we sneak out in the middle of the movie quietly to go outside behind the building. From there, Kenshin has his jeans down around his ankles while I took mines off completely. It's pretty cold, but we don't care. I have my legs wrapped around his hips and have my back supported by leaning on the brick exterior of the theater, one hand on his right shoulder, and my other hand gripping on a plastic box that's sticking out from the wall. I think it's for controlling the electricity for the lights inside the building. I grip on it as Kenshin plunges his cock into me, and since it feels like nobody is around to hear us, I let myself moan and pant and sigh in pleasure at each of his thrusts.
"You, have, the," I breathe at every pump of his cock going in and out of me, "Best, cock, I, ever, had!"
"Fuck," Kenshin breathes into my ear as he slumps his head into the crane of my neck, still thrusting, "I'd stay inside of you.. forever.. if I could.."
I wrap my arms around his neck, enjoying the ride. Fuck, this feels unbelievable. He wasn't easy to catch, but I'm reaping the fruits of my hard labor. I'm never going to let him go. I think, if I ever tell him the hard truth about myself, I wonder if maybe he loves me enough to stay with me anyway. It'd be an interesting theory to test out. And yet.. I'm deathly afraid of the repercussions of taking such actions. Why would I want to do that for? Haven't I suffered enough in this life? Hasn't Kenshin also suffered enough in this lifetime, too? Can't we just be together and fucking ignore the technicalities?
Like how I Facebook stalked him for almost a year prior to moving to Kyoto? That I actually did get expelled from one school and had to be put away in a specialty school in Russia for unruly, disobedient children? That I really am a no good fucking liar? That I do have many more secrets up my sleeves that would shock the absolute hell out of anyone if they came to light? No. I won't do that. I am not going to tell Kenshin the truth. Maybe that will be my eternal punishment for my sin in loving people of my sex. I don't care. I'll take it, if it means I get to keep Kenshin with me. I don't fucking care anymore.
I grip hard on Kenshin's clothed back as I feel him shoot his hot cum inside of me.
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We went back to the hotel after that. We didn't even finish the stupid movie. Not that we cared. We were so beat after we fucked hard behind the movie theater, anyway. We can always pirate the movie or something later on. It was around eleven at night when we got back inside our room and Kenshin groan while rubbing his head, "Shall we wash up?"
"I'm too tired." I grumble, rubbing my hand over my hair. It's gotten messy.
"Let's at least try. We were acting like animals back there," Kenshin chuckles under his breath as he gets himself undressed, "I'll wash your hair for you."
"You really don't have to do that."
"You're right. I want to. Now stop being uppity and follow me to the bathroom."
Before I could even respond, he grabs my wrist and nearly drags me into the spacious bathroom to go into the walk in shower. It's nice, but it's not like my walk in shower. I take a seat on the corner inside of the shower as Kenshin fiddles with the knobs to turn on the hot water all over us. And he really did wash my hair like he said he would. I purr happily as he rubs the sweet scented shampoo into my hair, despite how tired I am. After the showering, we head for bed. Kenshin placed some towels over the pillows so as to keep everything else dry from our soaking wet hair. Everything always feels so comfortable and safe when I'm around Kenshin. I remember him telling me some stories about how he had to fend for himself because Hiko was either working or getting too drunk to do it for him. And it's not like he had his biological father or mother around either. So, Kenshin learned to adapt.
There's a lot of things in life I take for granted because of my family wealth. I can only hope to be self-sufficient and practical around the small things in life like Kenshin is.
We cuddle after he turned out the lights. He feels so warm and strong and like I would never have to fear anything ever again when I'm in his arms. Especially after I saw how good he was at fighting other people.. it made him even hotter than I thought. It took so much out of me that day when I met up with Shishio and his gang to not kiss Kenshin for saving me. God, he looked so handsome when he's ready to kick ass. I let my eyes flutter close with a happy sigh, rubbing my cheek into the crane of his neck, and he embraces me tighter. My heart melts. What was I thinking before? About keeping my distance from this amazing, wonderful guy? I was so stupid, and I probably still am. But I've learned my lessons now. I really do want to build a real relationship with him.
Can I build a relationship on a pile of lies?
Only one way to find out, of course.
I let the promise of sleep wash over me.
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It's New Years Eve. I asked Kenshin if he wanted to go back home to Kyoto. I thought he'd be dying to go back so that he can see Hiko and his friends again. Such a special time of the year to be among loved ones, after all. But he surprised me and said he's not interested and that he had already told everyone that he's with me. I looked at him, stunned and completely in the nude while we were both showering, "Are you for real?"
"Huh?" He blinks, and then laughs, "Duh! I don't wanna go home just yet!"
"What would.." I looked down, blushing, "What would they think, though?"
"Dude, I told you; I told everyone that you were fucking upset about something and that we decided to go see your mother's grave for the holidays as well as meeting your other family members. I'm somewhat of a good liar if I say so myself!"
I flinch inwardly. If only you knew.
"What about.." I click my tongue, careful of what to choose the next words, ".. What about your girlfriend, Kaoru?"
"What about her?" He steps behind me to wrap his arms around me, burying his face in the back of my neck, "You're my boyfriend now, Soujiro. It's you who gets priority over her."
I chuckle, "Wow! Isn't her father dying from cancer, though?"
Silence. I don't know if it's the water drumming inside my ears, or my heartbeat, but I'm suddenly feeling nervous. Why is he quiet now all of a sudden? What's going on? I step away from his embrace and turn around, looking at him. He is now looking at the floor, dejected. I can feel my eyes losing focus.. or is that from the water?
"Kenshin..?"
He suddenly turns around and turns off the water with the push of a button, and my heartbeat takes over my senses. What's going on? Is he going to tell me something bad? Am I emotionally ready to take on the news? Is he.. is he going to break up with me? At the thought of that, my breath hitches and I walk forward to hug him, "Kenshin, please! Please tell me what's wrong! I'm scared! Please don't break up with me!"
He takes my shoulders with his palms to gently move me away from him so that I can look up at his face. Into those beautiful, lilac eyes.
"Soujiro, I.." He winces, ".. I.. Don't know how to tell you this. I had thought we had a really good time together here that maybe.. Maybe I could tell you something that I've been hiding from you."
I look at him, waiting.
"That day when I was supposed to break up with her.. With Kaoru.. do you remember?"
I still look at him, waiting. Dying.
He takes a couple of uneasy breaths, steadying himself, ".. I slept with her. I've been sleeping with her while I'm also dating you. I.. I only lied to you because.. Because I was afraid of los-!"
I couldn't help myself. I step back and immediately smacked him across the face, my heart shattering in a million pieces anyway.
"How could you do that?!" I damn near screamed, watching Kenshin as he cradles his injured cheek in his hand and unable to look at me anymore, "How could you sleep with her like that?!"
He lets out a dry sob, uncharacteristically trying to get away from me by opening the shower glass door to get out, but I stop him with my grip.
"Tell me why!" I start to sob uncontrollably, "At least tell me what she has that I don't!"
He whips around and just hugs me, and while one half of me loves the contact to soothe this pain I'm feeling.. the other half wants to shove him out of the walk-in shower and probably keep on hitting him some more. I always did felt some sort of jealousy of the bond shared between Kenshin and her, but.. I never thought she'd be brave enough to lose her virginity like that. I remember the time I took her to that expensive tea shop and her asking me what it's like to lose my virginity. I teased her by asking her why in the world did she wanted to know about that. If only I knew what her demure smile and her blushing meant! She had Kenshin on her mind, that bitch! I'm so fucking stupid! I told her that if she really did loved somebody.. that maybe it is the right time to do it. Why didn't I told her to fucking wait until marriage or some other bullshit!?
"I did it! I told her to fuck you! Of course it's my fault!" I let myself fall on my knees now, wailing in my hands, "I'm so fucking stupid!"
"What?" He replies hoarsely, frowning and shaking his head, "No. That doesn't make any sense.."
"She asked me about what it felt like to lose innocence and I fucking told her that if she loved that other person.. that she should just lose it to them.. I never.." I dry heave from the force of my sobbing, "I never thought it was you she was talking about!"
He moves himself carefully to take a seat in the shower, stunned, ".. Of course.."
I lean back on the wall behind me, staring at the shower heads above me exasperately, "What a fucking fool I was.. maybe I deserved that. For pushing you away when you wanted a real relationship with me.. For being so selfish and afraid of everything.. It's all me.. It's all.."
I couldn't finish. I weep into my hands, sliding down until my bottom smacks on the wet floor. I wept for many minutes, or maybe for an hour or so or however long it took until my eyes felt sore and dried out. When all I could muster were quiet gasps and hiccups, Kenshin finally asks me in a soft voice, "I told you one truth. Will you tell me one truth, now?"
My eyes flicker over to him and I chuckle sadly, shaking my head, "Yeah. Sure."
Silence.
I sigh, "What do you want to know?"
"How did you find me?"
"I was telling you the truth before. Facebook. You hardly exist on the internet, except there.." I look down to look at my nail beds for no reason, ".. I lied about finding you a month prior to me moving to Kyoto, truth be told It was actually about a year before I moved to Kyoto. I had just came back home to Tokyo after my sophomore year in Russia. My father had high hopes that I'd behave this time. I was in trouble because of what happened between that teacher and I, and my father sent me to Russia. It's a tough school for unruly children, and I think they straightened me out some. But my junior year in Tokyo.. I felt so empty and I hated everything and everybody. My grades began to suffer.. I had nothing to look forward to. I was coming to terms about me being gay and being raised by a father who wanted a normal son."
Kenshin reaches out his hand to me, and I take it. He hauls me off from the floor and has me sit on his lap, cuddling with me.
I continue the story, "I did tried to keep it together, though. I didn't wanted to fail myself after all of my hard work previously in school, and I do wanted to take over the Seta Enterprise. But I remember one day browsing through Facebook and saw one of my father's friends posting some pictures of Kyoto. Something about, how much he missed being home in Kyoto and how it's just not the same even if Tokyo is amazing. That man's name.. is Nakama Shinomori."
Kenshin makes a startled sound and looks at me with widen eyes, and I smile sadly at him, "Sound familiar?"
"Aoshi's father is your father's friend?" He asks breathlessly in complete disbelief.
I nod to affirm, "Yes. They've been friends since their university years. Sometimes the contact and the visits after their graduation wanes. They'd sometimes go without talking or visiting each others' family or business functions for years. I've met Aoshi maybe once when I was like five years old. But after that, I just don't know much about him. It isn't until when Aoshi moved away from Kyoto to go to college that he messaged me on Facebook to ask about how my my father and I were doing, and to send condolences about my mother. We strike up a simple friendship online, and I'd look at his stuff out of boredom at times. And then one day.. he posted an old photo of himself with his childhood friends from Kyoto. Can you guess who were in the photo? I saw him with his arm wrapped over the shoulders of a striking red haired kid, along with Sanosuke, Kaoru and Misao.
I became intrigued by this redhead and asked Aoshi about it on Facebook messenger. He said, oh, that's just Kenshin. And my heart did a dance. Kenshin? I looked at his friends list and my heart stopped when I see 'Himura Kenshin' below the profile picture of a young man with long red hair. I read your poems on it. Your random ramblings and rants, your stupid jokes that makes no sense but for some reason your friends would reply with laughter. I looked through your photos. The best ones are the few selfies where I get to see those gorgeous eyes up close. I really fell so fucking hard for you. And I know what you're thinking. How can you fall in love with someone that you haven't even shared one word with? I don't know how to answer that either. But I knew I had to meet you. And so, after my junior year ended and summer began, I begged my father to move us to Kyoto."
"Holy shit.." Kenshin whispers to nobody in particular, wide eyes staring at the space in front of him, "I had a feeling.. that you were stalking me or something before you moved to Kyoto. But.. I never would've believed it completely until now.."
I cringe, "Are you.. mad at me?"
His eyes blinks rapidly at that question and he turns to look at me, smiling in a strange way, "W-what? No. No! I'm.. I'm flattered, Soujiro. Maybe it's a bit psychotic, but.. I'm glad you found me online. I'm glad you moved to Kyoto to hunt me down. I'm so.. happy that you didn't gave up on me. Because now.. I'm hopelessly in love with you. I'm sorry for what I did to you, Soujiro.."
I lean in and he instinctively move in for a kiss. We stay like that with our lips locked for a full minute before parting.
"I forgive you. But.." I look down at his chest painfully, "This means that we.. We have to be honest with Kaoru. Because.. I won't allow you to date her anymore. Especially fucking her anymore. I want you to be mine. All mine."
"But what if," He hesitates, "What if I lose her as a friend?"
"We won't lose her. There's no way. She and all the others.. they love you a lot, don't they?"
He looks at the floor, thinking.
"I don't know.." He mumbles though I could barely hear him.
I sigh, saddened. This won't be easy, I think. Kenshin went and did the most fucked up thing to another person; taking their innocence away without the promise of happily ever after. I don't know how he's going to fix this if he does tell her the truth. I don't know how the rest of the group is going to react to the two of us being together like this, either. Will they accept our love? Will they continue to stay our friends while Kenshin and I are dating each other? Though we would know better than to be physically affectionate out in public and especially in front of our friends.. Will they still behave comfortably and normally around us with the knowledge of what we do behind closed doors? Can we salvage the beautiful friendships we have with all of them?
Does this mean I have to start all over again? Move away and make a new life in a place where no one knows me?
Will this mean I have to take Kenshin along with me, too?
Will father ever approve of this?
...
No. Of course he wouldn't. My father told me my entire life that he wants me to marry a beautiful woman, and to have a family with her. And I did tried to like girls, but it never felt natural. It was like something would always block me or get in the way of me enjoying myself with women in a romantic setting. Having had clumsy sex with one had cemented the theory that I am an immovable homosexual. There is nothing I can do to change this, though many people do go on to marry someone of the opposite sex anyway and just stay closeted. I was hoping I did not have to become one of those people, though.. It's not like Kenshin and I could just have a quick wedding here whenever we want despite our legal age. It's still not legal to marry him here in Japan.
It feels like the whole world is against my love for him.
I don't know how much more I can take.
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"Tell me what you're going to say to her."
We're out of the shower and now in our hotel bed room again. Kenshin sits on the edge of the bed and has his head hung, completely at a loss for words. In his hand, is his mobile phone. On the screen, is Kaoru's contact details, and all he has to do is press that small round blue "call" button. All he has to do is confess to her and then break up with her. That's all he has to do. But he's hesistating. I know that this can feel like the hardest thing in the world, but dammit, Kenshin! If you don't do this now.. it can only get worse the longer we drag this on behind her back! We can't keep lying to her or the other guys anymore! We can't live in secrecy and pretend that that would make us happy. It clearly doesn't based on our experiences together thus far, so we have to end it. The lies, I mean.
".. I.." Kenshin finally speaks, wincing.
"Come on, Kenshin," I ease in with a warm smile, walking over in order to sit down next to him, "I'm right here next to you. If she cries or freaks out and hangs up, I'll be right here by your side. Even if the world goes against you.. at least you'll have your principles in tact. Right?"
"But these are my friends.." He whispers, his eyes going out of focus as he stares at the phone in his hand.
I deflate, "They love you a lot, don't they? If they do get mad at you, I doubt they'll just drop you like that after over a decade of friendship, right? And if they are looking for someone to punch or slap, they can come find me. I'll volunteer as sacrifice."
He shakes his head, "I won't let them hurt you."
"Then.." I look at my hands and then his phone, "Do you want to just wait till we go back home and tell them in person?"
He straightens up and looks at me head on, nodding, "I think that's better."
"Okay." I smile sadly, and I watch as his eyes lower to my mouth before leaning in to kiss me.
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"I'm scared, Soujiro."
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"Me too."
(To be continued)