Author's note: Hey you guys. :( So I know this is a little personal and I don't want anyone here to feel obligated to jump in and try to "help me" or even comfort me, but I learned recently that I have an autoimmune disease. So, I've been researching ways to how to learn to live with it, treatment options, and so on, so that I can try to live a normal life again. I was so emotionally distraught because sometimes this can mean something very serious in the future, since my immune system no longer works as well like when I was younger.. it can turn into cancer if I'm not careful. So I've been a bit preoccupied with that. But don't you worry! I will finish this story!
Thank you, Jefcat, for the wonderful private message, I am going to reply to it now! :3
This will be a bit of a short update, and truth be told, I'm willing to extend my time with this if it means I have to work on it during autumn and winter time this year. I feel like there's SO MUCH stuff I have to write and tie everything up nicely, to make sure that the ending serves the big emotional punch in the gut that I want to achieve near the end of this saga. I think it'll be worth the wait and the hard work!
Enjoy!
"That's what you get
When you let your heart win."
- Paramore
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"So. Fucking. Stupid." Soujiro says, laughing.
"Come on. You know you wanna." My eyebrows does a little dance, making him laugh harder.
We're now in his living room. Turning on the game system attached to the flat screen TV, Soujiro helps me set up a game he hadn't played in a long time. The last time he did, in fact, was when he played with friends back in Russia. It has been at least a few years, he said, but he did remember how much fun it was. The disc in the system is some kind of party themed video game for multi-players, and one of its feature is karaoke. I'll admit, I'm only half decent at singing; the last time I really belt out was maybe last year, under one drunken night with Sano and Yahiko. A sharp pain shoots up in my chest when I think of those names. Just how nasty will they be to us, Monday morning? Will they actually try to hurt us? They're not exactly big fans of boys who like boys, after all..
Am I just worried about nothing?
"It's set up. Just press B to begin. Oh, look! I got the highest score from two years ago! I wonder if you can beat that." Soujiro winks at me, and I look at him.
"Soujiro.." I couldn't complete my sentence, opting instead to just lean in and kiss his lips. I just don't want to be reminded.
"Hmm?" Soujiro leans back to break the kiss, "What was that for?"
"I.. It's nothing," I turn away from him, "Let's start the game. I know I can beat your score."
"Huh!" He scoffs, "We'll see about that!"
I smile. There's nothing to be worried about. Whatever happens, at least we'll have each others' backs. Nothing will separate us, and nobody is going to get in between us. It's actually crazy just how protective I've gotten over Soujiro. According to the game memory, Soujiro's high score was for the song, "This Woman's World" by Kate Bush. I had to laugh out loud, much to his embarrassment.
"Okay, okay! We don't have to do that fucking song! It's just so funny that you legit sang that!" I wipe a tear from out of my eye.
He shoves my shoulder, "Cut it out, you big dummy. Choose a song and make it count!"
My chuckle dies down naturally as I look through the song list. There's lots to choose from, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. I wonder which one will embarrass him the most. Then again, I don't feel like singing a ridiculous song, either. It has to be something that doesn't sound lame. I am not going to do a love song, if it can be helped. I fucking hate those mushy ass songs that our female friends adore so much. Another pain in my chest, and I blink it away from my eyes. No. I won't think about them tonight. We should only focus on the positives now.. Which, right now, feels so hard, because I'm not usually one to be optimistic about anything in life. But for Soujiro's sake, I'll do exactly that.
"Let's sing 'That's What You Get', by.." I wrap my arm around his shoulders with a cheeky grin, "Paramore?"
"Fine." He sighs.
"Aww, don't be glum. We're going to sing this together so it won't sound as bad."
"I don't know about you, but I happen to have a nice voice." Soujiro sticks his tongue at me playfully.
"We'll see about that."
We set up the song, and in both of our hands, are the plugged in microphones. Though it is late at night, we don't have to worry about disturbing any neighbors since Soujiro's house has it own private land far from any other houses. Plus, sound proof walls, bitches. As the song loads up, and the words fade into the screen, we pipe up as the first several musical notes are played. We follow as soon as the words are colored up with different hues and tones to the timing of the song:
"I don't mind
Letting you down easy but just give it time
If it don't hurt now, but just wait, just wait a while
You're not the big fish in the pond no more
You are what they're feeding on."
"Whew!" Soujiro whoops at our amazing synchronized singing. Even I'm impressed.
"So what are you gonna do?
When the world don't orbit around you?
So what are you gonna do?
When the world don't orbit around you?"
Soujiro kisses my cheek quickly before the next sequence.
"Ain't it fun?
Living in the real world?
Ain't it good?
Being all alone?"
I quickly return the favor to him before we sing again.
"Where you're from
You might be the one who's running things
Well you can ring anybody's bell and get what you want
See it's easy to ignore trouble
When you're living in a bubble."
Yeesh. These lyrics seem to hit home, looking at Soujiro's eyes flickering wide for a second.
"So what are you gonna do?
When the world don't orbit around you?
So what are you gonna do?
When nobody wants to fool with you?"
When the world stops orbiting around you, Soujiro..
I'll be there for you.
"Ain't it fun?
Living in the real world?
Ain't it good?
Being all alone?"
Soujiro's voice starts to crack and I turn to him curiously.
"I.. stop." He blinks and turns his face away from my eyes as the song continues on:
"Ain't it good to be on your own?
Ain't it fun, you can't count on no one?
Ain't it good to be on your own?
Ain't it fun you can't count on no one?
Ain't it fun?"
Living in the real world?"
I wasn't singing anymore. Before I knew it, I am gently holding Soujiro as he gently weeps in the crane of my neck. I rub my fingers through his silky locks, wondering if maybe this karaoke thing was a bad idea after all. I didn't mean to make tonight's situation worse than it already is. Maybe the lyrics seemed to hit home too hard for Soujiro. Does he really feel all that alone in the real world? Is it his father's fault that Soujiro feels so cut off from the rest of normal society? I think Soujiro was trying to tell me something earlier, when he seemed very keen on looking through that laptop. But seeing him right now in this state, I don't think he has the hearts to see what could be on there, or what his father could be hiding from him. And although I want nothing more than to know what evils lurk in that piece of technology, I wonder if I have the strength right now to face it. There's so much messed up shit in this world, that I just don't have it in me to look through each and every type of them.
"Don't go crying to your mama
'Cause you're on you're own, in the real world
Don't go crying to your mama
'Cause you're on you're own, in the real world."
Right now, I just have to be strong for Soujiro. That's all that I can do and all that really matters, in the end. If it means we have to go through the rest of this school year with just each other, then I'll do it. If it means that the only person who wants to talk to me or hang out with me are just him and my father, then I don't care. I know what I'm doing. I know where I'm going after this school year ends. It's going far away someplace else, with Soujiro's hand in mine, and doing all kinds of awesome shit. There's nothing or anybody can do to separate us, and fuck them if they try. I'll rip their gallbladders out. I tighten my embrace around Soujiro as his crying slowly dies down.
"Don't go crying to your mama
'Cause you're on you're own, in the real world
Don't go crying to your mama
'Cause you're on you're own, in the real world."
"Turn it off.." Soujiro whines.
I do so. The room is pitch black and there is no sound. I wait for him, and he just sits there with his wet closed eyes pressed into my neck now. Um. Shit. Ha ha. I know this is going to sound really fucking terrible, at a time like this. But.. Having Soujiro so openly vulnerable and emotional like this, stirs something inside of me. I grip the sofa leather as I feel myself firm up down in my boxer shorts. Is it bad that I really want to make love to him right now? Or would he be offended? I'd probably feel offended, if I were in his shoes right now. This can't be right. But I am just helplessly attracted to him, and the softness of his heart. Growing up, I was always the more colder and harsh type, never comfortable with open displays of affection or emotions from other people. That's just how I am. I thought it was just a male thing, or because I lost my parents so young. Or because Hiko drank so much, and I felt so alone and scared, that I'd cover it up by being a hard ass.
But with Soujiro, it's just not the same. I can't always be hard when it comes to him, and at first, it pissed me off. But now, I really like it. I like that I can lower my shield down with him. I like the contrasting nature of our personalities; Him more sociable and emotionally expressive, and I being more introverted and seeing things logically. He likes being happy, and my anger comes to me naturally. He cares about other people, and I feel more like the lone wolf type, despite having so many great friends in my life. Gah, I can't take my fucking boner anymore! I lean softly in to kiss him on his neck, and I wait. He doesn't respond. I do it again, longer this time, and I wait. He responds with a slight movement of his head, to wipe his tears off of me. Not that I mind, of course. I lean in to kiss his neck, only this time, I open my mouth to suck on it gently, really pushing my luck this time.
But thankfully, he lets me. He arches his neck to the other side to let me gain more access, and with that simple action, my lust became ravenous; I grab him as I stand up, making out with him, my cock hardening as I hear him moan delightfully in my mouth. Would he get upset with me later? He seems receptive now, but..
I break the kiss, whispering, "Are you okay with this?"
He nods, grabbing my face to kiss me forcefully, and my knees buckle. He's such a great kisser. One of the many weird things I have a love-hate relationship with when it comes to him. I hated him when I thought he was a stuck up, sheltered, spoiled little brat. Now I love him because he doesn't have to suffer from economic hardships like I do, and because he wants me to strive to move on up in life. His hardworking ways have been rubbing off on me with good results. I hated that he could easily charm the pants off (Literally!) of anyone he meets, and now I love him because he's so damn irresistible to me. I hated him because he was always so goddamn peppy and sunny in his disposition; now I love him because he's warm and sweet, and makes me happy just by being around him.
"Hah.. ha-hmmm!" Soujiro pants as I go down on him, his back on his mattress and me feeling my way around his hole with my finger. I'm stroking myself with my other hand to keep myself hard as I pleasure him, trying to pace myself so that I don't end up cumming all over him. Then again, he probably wouldn't mind that.
I come up and chuckle, "Hey. Remember that contest we had in the forest?"
"The one where we.." Soujiro then sighs, "You want to do that now?"
"Relax. You don't have to do anything but lie there and let me do all the work." I position myself carefully to sit in between his inner thighs and haul his legs up a bit so that his ass is right on my lap, "You're nice and wet from me sucking you, aren't you?"
"Hah, I!" Soujiro couldn't finish because I interrupt him with dragging my finger along the length of his cock, making him shiver in pleasure, "Hnng!"
"Oh, good, you're agreeing to the contest, then!" I laugh, totally aware of how much of a complete asshole I'm being right now, "Last time was too close of a tie to tell who the winner was. I'm certain I'll win this time. You're already begging to cum, huh?"
"Kenshin.. God, please, touch me!" He whines. I chuckle. Too cute.
"Okay." I mumble, my arousal state deepening as I wrap my fingers around both of our members together, spitting on mine for lubrication.
"Hmm!" He flinches, grabbing my arm that's attached to our cocks now.
I begin pumping, every so often spitting on them for easier slippage. I let my head roll back and close my eyes, grunting quietly to myself. This feels so fucking good. Doing anything sexual with Soujiro is always a treat for me to enjoy. I love how easily excited he gets when I touch him. I like how he sounds when I please him, and I especially love how hard he cums in the end. I can feel him struggle under me with trying not to cum before me, his hips buckling upward, as if to fuck himself with my hand. With my other hand and without looking down, I reach over to flick against his sensitive nipples, making him cry out in ecstasy. Oh my, someone's a little more raw than usual. I smirk to myself, delighted and so fucking horny.
"Hnngrr!" Soujiro is now squirming, "Hawwwungh!"
"Geez," I shake my head, "If you're gonna cum, out with it, already. All these sounds you're doing is just making me want to cum first. Cheater."
"Hah! You jerk!"
"You love it." I chuckle.
I continue. It's getting harder the longer this passes, and I worry he's going to come out on top. I'm a sore loser, come to think of it. I don't like it when Soujiro gets the highest grade on a test during class, or when he beats me in a video game. Call it masculine pride, or what have you, I just don't like losing to someone like him. Mr Prissy Rich Dude. I'll show you. I'll show you who's boss. Although I let him have his way with me back at that hotel, I don't think I'll do such a thing again. I like being on top, truth be told. The sound of my pumping sounds like wet sludgy slugs slapping against each other, and that mental image is enough to hold me over for the next few minutes. I'm starting to get the feeling that Soujiro's not able to hang on for much longer, based on the delectable sounds he's making. God, hurry up, will you? I want to cum soon, too!
"I can't.. I.. I'm cumming..!" Soujiro's body jerks (Finally!) and I feel fluids shooting up and all around, hitting his body and parts of mine as well. His last spurts drench both of our cocks with his cum now, his moaning and panting driving me up the wall now. I can't take it anymore. Why does he have to be so goddamn sexy?
Since I win the game, I guess I'll have to finish myself now. With my cock oiled up with both my spit and his cum, I just simply take the base of it and slip into his hole now. His body freezes up for a second, but then starts groaning helplessly as I start fucking him. He spreads his legs out for me and I lean forward, absolutely plummeting myself into his body. Any harder or faster and I'd split the poor boy in half. His moans is fucking music to my ears. His hole is fucking insane. I gnaw on his neck and my cock harshly hits his sensitive spot over and over again, much to his pain and pleasure. It only took me just a couple of minutes or so before I can feel the familiar pull in my lower torso, and I bite down my groan, cumming. I keep cumming and spurting a shit ton of cum inside of his shaking, sweaty body, surprising the both of us. I'm pretty sure I've masturbated and fucked Soujiro quite enough times before this event. Maybe just the knowledge that I was able to fuck him when he's feeling vulnerable made me want to cum like a monster tonight. I'm such an ass. I smirk as the last drop of cum leaves my body, sliding out carefully, "Sorry. Just had to cum in your ass."
"Ugh. You even had my cum in there.." Soujiro shakes his head incredulously, "You're a dog."
I imitate the sounds of an eager puppy, panting happily and woofing once before I lean in to kiss his lips. He laughs softly in between kisses, and I'm glad to hear that from him. He's happy again. I've done the good boyfriend deed! But I know it's going to take a lot more than this, to fix everything I've fucked up between us. It's a miracle he decided to stay with me after I was secretly sleeping with Kaoru behind his back for a while. Maybe my confession to her tonight was what soothed his broken heart? Well.. It's harsh, but it does make sense. You have to hurt someone else sometimes to fix something, or save someone else's feelings. Life be like that sometimes. I know I have to answer to our friends coming Monday morning, and who knows how they'll behave towards us after our confessions.
But for now.. I'm just enjoying what I have here, tonight.
Don't worry, Soujiro.
We'll make it.
(To be continued)
