Author's note: Hello, everyone. It has been such a long time since I've last updated this story. The last time I've updated this story, it was sometime in the year 2020. Around that time period, I was supposed to embark on some incredible changes in my life; unfortunately, the pandemic has knocked everything down flat on its back, and I had experienced many setbacks in my life ever since. I've experiences loss of opportunities, the loss of my mental and physical health, among other things, that really changed so much of my perspective about myself, people, and the world at large. Suffice to say, it was enough to make me stop writing completely.

In the last couple of years, I went through a phase and then I went into therapy. It took a lot of work, but I can proudly say that I'm feeling a lot better. I still doubt myself sometimes. I still doubt my ability to write, and to create art for myself. But, I am trying to stitch my identity and my place in the world, one small piece at a time, one day at a time.

I want to complete this story. It was a few months ago this year, that I received a few email alerts about this story. As well as my other stories, too. I was in shock that people still found my stuff even mildly entertaining, but it made me think for months after those alerts came through. I looked through my old stories on here, and had fun doing it. There were a few mistakes or errors I caught on in the previous chapters that made me cringe, but I'll see what I can do to fix them up while I write the new chapters. I remembered suddenly how cathartic it felt to write. And so, although I can't turn back my mistakes of the past couple of years of being missing in action and letting down some fans from back then, I am hopeful to at least finish this personal project of mine, and find joy in self-expression again.

There is something else that really held me back from finishing this story, but I am going to save that piece for last when I am done with this story. I'm honestly surprised and a little threatened by how complex I've fleshed out this story (It has thirty chapters, for God's sake!), so I think it's going to take me a lot of chapters to tie all the loose ends. I am hoping that this story can be something very positive for those who have been through trauma, and know that no matter how difficult it may seem at times, that there is always hope at the end of the tunnel.

For the sake of continuity, I am going to keep the chapters written in 10k words each. That's how long the previous chapters have always been, actually. I figure this will help to get to the final conclusion of this story as quickly as possible. It has been years since it first began, so it would be nice to finally be able to complete this saga by the end of this year.

And so, I will end this small note with a warm greeting, and even if I don't get a lot of reviews (Or even at all!), I am still going to finish it. If no one else, then definitely for myself. I really like what I've done here, so far. After posting this chapter, the next chapters will be posted every Sunday evening or night in Eastern Time.

Without further ado, here's chapter 31! Enjoy! Rated M+ for a strong and disturbing scene of violence and sexuality. Viewer discretion is advised.

"And if you cut yourself
You will think you're happy
He'll keep you in a jar
Then you'll make him happy"

- Nirvana

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"Shinta.."

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"Shinta.. I am so sorry.."
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"It's all my fault. I never should have been.. such a horrible father.."

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I groan, the darkness behind my eyes slowly dissipating. Who was saying those things, just now? If I was much more delirious than I am right now, I would think that my father was speaking to me. Not the father that took me in, and whom I've spent the last decade with. The father who took me on into his home, despite all the risks that came with it. The father with whom I share no blood relationship with.

I mean, my real, actual, biological father.

Was he.. Is he here? With me?

My eyes open with a flutter, grunting, convinced that I will somehow be in heaven. Or in a white room, awaiting my purgatory. I am convinced that I will finally see the man who walked away from me and my mother all those years ago. But instead, I just see the hospital ceilings again. The same one I've been looking up at for however long it's been since I first checked in here. God, how long has it been? It feels like I've been sleeping for years now. I turn my head slowly to the side, towards the point of where that voice was coming from, and instead of my biological father.. I see Hiko, resting his forehead against his hand. All hunched forward in a position, as if grieving in a funeral.

That's exactly how he looked when my mom died. I remember now. I was only twelve years old. I've never seen a more destroyed man in my life except on that fateful day.

"Hey dad.."

I guess all older men sound the same to me, whenever I close my eyes. A very small part of me always hope that one day, a voice would belong to the man who helped created me eighteen years ago; that somehow, I would be out somewhere, and he would find me somehow. Just so he could apologize me. Apologize for disappearing on me. Apologize for running out on my mother. Apologize for ruining my entire life over his selfish decision. That it could somehow.. fix all the broken things inside of me.

I guess maybe some things are never going to come true.

He shivers and immediately looks up, blinking rapidly. He gasps quietly under his breath, getting up from the chair and rushes over to my bed, and carefully runs his hand on one of my arms, "Kenshin. You're awake."

But maybe it's better this way. I have someone here who can actually love me like a real son. And maybe that's enough.

I smirk, tears pricking my eyes, "You sad sap. What're you crying about? I'm not dead."

He chuckles drily before taking a deep breath, sighing, "I'm sorry. I know. I know you're alright. I just hate seeing you like this."

I can't fight it anymore. I let the tears fall down over my cheeks, "Dad.. I'm so sorry. For all of this."

His eyes are rapidly blinking again, incredulous over my softer disposition now instead of my haughty personality I've crafted all these years now. He isn't sure what to say at a time like this, but in a way, maybe there isn't anything to say right. I am truly sorry, though. I do feel so much guilt, deep down. I realize so much these past couple of weeks here at the hospital. I realize what a rotten son I have been to him. I realize how stressful it has been, trying to keep it together, and raise a child that isn't even yours to begin with. I realize how hard he's worked, at the police station, as an overworked detective, and know that he will never measure up the the biological parents that gave birth to an insufferable idiot like myself. I realize that now. I realize it all, and I want to take it all back, now.

"Kenshin," He gulps, "What are you apologizing for?"

I grimace, trying to shrug my shoulder, to no avail, but I think he understands what it is it I am trying to convey, "I guess.. For being such a shit child. I was hard on you for all these years. I never stopped to think about why you drank so much over the years, and I.. internalized it that somehow, you did it because you hated having to take care of me. I hated myself for so long because of that. I was scared that you didn't loved me at—"

" —Shinta," He breathes out, hushing me, "No! I do love you. You are my son. None of this was ever a mistake! It was an honor to take care of you, and take you in. Your mother.. was the ultimate reason as to why I had to be with you, after what happened to her."

More tears fall down my face, and my voice starts to strain as my emotions starts to topple over, "You do love me?"

He shakes his head, "With everything I have. I can't believe you could even once doubted my love for you, Kenshin. You are my son. You and I, will always have each other, no matter what happens. Even if the entire world becomes your enemy.. You will always have me on your side."

It's all too much. I start to cry, and let me tell you, it's really embarrassing. I was always the guy who tried so hard to be tough. So logical, and so careless in my demeanor. And yet, here I am, crying like a little child who just lost his teddy bear. I couldn't stop crying, and Hiko couldn't stop rubbing my arm lovingly, watching with his own tears in stow, and in that moment, I think we went through a type of metamorphosis together; a more renewed sense of trust and intimacy together, as father and son. I had tried so hard for so many years to drink, fuck, and hide from all of my pain, and it was all in vain. In the end, I couldn't stay angry with him anymore. He was in pain, just like I was. And who could hate him for that?

I could have hated him. That part was true. I had all perfect reasons to. Hiko was supposed to be a responsible adult to a growing boy who lost his parents at such a tender age. Hiko exposed me to the ugliness of the world when I should have been shielded from it. He taught me that you could really whisk all of your demons away, as long as you had a bottle nearby. He taught me that drinking was an okay thing to do, when nothing else worked. He taught me that, just with his actions alone. I should have hated him for that..

But, somewhere along the way, I met someone who taught me about forgiveness. Who taught me that I shouldn't let my anger dictate my actions. Who taught me that love could feel good, after all. That there is more to life than staying stuck in the past. Someone who understands how ugly the picture is, but taught me to look again. Look deep inside, and see that there is more to the story, after all.

Soujiro.

I take in a faltering breath at that thought, reminded of who it is I am now in love with. I look at Hiko, who is now looking at the floor between us, silently weeping to himself. This man, who is still in the dark about who I've been giving my heart out to for the past few months now. I gulp, my eyes wavering with more tears. I should tell him. I should tell him the truth. I think that the more I lie, the worse everything will become. I am scared that there's just nowhere else to run or hide anymore. But, just as equal, I am also afraid of ruining my life further, if I keep lying to him, and to everyone else. Sooner or later, the truth will come out, and will take all prisoners with it. It's only right that I tell him this, no matter how hard he might take it, and no matter how much our relationship together might change.

It's only right.

It's only..

"Um," I start with a softer voice, "Dad?"

He sniffles, looking down at me again, waiting.

I gape at him, my heart beating faster, and the monitor next to me starts to beep quicker at this change. Hiko looks at the machine curiously, and he hums, "Kenshin, are you alright? Your heart rate is picking up."

I take another faltering breath, "Yes. Yes, dad, I'm fine. I'm just.. I just.. Want to tell you something. Something important."

He looks back at me, his eyes almost unreadable. Is he scared of the truth as much as I am? Will he think that I got into a fight with Shishio over something truly diabolical? I gulp. Well, of course I did; I fought him because he knows, and nearly everyone else knows, that I like men. That I'm not the Casanova, bad boy type who gets all the ladies. I mean, I do still think I like women as well, but it's accepting the part of me that also likes men, that makes it so difficult for me to come out with it. Japanese culture is still so adverse against homosexual and bisexual men, after all; Hiko is a part of an older generation himself, who has taught him that all men like women only, and that any other deviation from that was a sign of being beyond saving.

But.

I have to do it.

I have to state my truth.

It's the only way to get everything to fucking stop hurting already.

"I.." I start, my heart rate still going fast according to the monitor, "I.. Soujiro.. And I.. Um.."

He frowns slightly, not getting it.

"You and Soujiro? You mean that guy who's father I work for?"

I nod, "He, um.. I.."

Come on, dammit!

Silence takes up the room, sucking up all the oxygen in it. Is he finally understand it? He is still frowning, so I'll take that as a negative. He is about to say something, when we are interrupted by the sound of the door opening and closing. He turns around and I look from where I lay, and my heart starts to slow down, as if relief has come to save it; Soujiro Seta, dressed in a light blue dress shirt, jeans and white sneakers, his hair still as sparkling as I remember it to be since the very first day he entered my school. And my life.

"Ah, Soujiro, you're here," Hiko gets up and steps away from my bed, my moment of finally being able to tell him the truth disappearing in a speed of light, much to my disappointment. Of course I'm happy to see my boyfriend here, but he couldn't have picked a worse time to enter the room. I was about to tell Hiko something extremely important, that could honestly save us both so much trouble ahead of us.

"I was beginning to wonder where you were. You're usually here before I did, so I had to wonder what was holding you up."

Soujiro straightens up with a wince, "I'm sorry, sir! Something at school held me up. You two didn't waited for me all this time, have you?"

Hiko chuckles, wiping something under his eye with his finger, "Not at all. Honestly, I think you came at the perfect opportunity, because I think Kenshin's wondering where you were, as well. He kept repeating your name to me, so I was scared that you were gonna run out on him. Thank goodness I was wrong, though!"

Oh, dad.

Soujiro blinks from where he stands, completely confused as to what's happening. I clear my throat, and he looks at me worriedly, "Kenshin! I'm so sorry! You know I would never abandon you or your father Hiko like this!"

I know, you idiot. I laugh under my breath, still cloudy from the medication. Well, I guess the truth will have to wait for a while. Hiko and Soujiro soon start to catch up for a bit, and my dad mentions something about how he finally got the chance to actually meet his father today. My blood feels cold at that suddenly, but I am curious. What is Soujiro's father like? Soujiro's eyes widen a tad, as if caught with a secret of his own, but Hiko seem to not catch it, blabbing on and on about how nice his father is, and how he seems very satisfied with Hiko's work ethics so far.

"H-He said that?" Soujiro asks, his eyes not betraying his shock, "My father said that?"

I guess his dad is not one to compliment others easily.

Hiko nods soundly, "Mm-hmm! I did put a lot of elbow grease in this position, and it feels good to be acknowledged for it. He came into my cubicle and even wanted to grab a coffee with me in his corner office. It was a bit embarrassing, you know, having a drink with a man who's got more money than God. But he knew how to make me feel very comfortable. He recalled his own humble beginnings before finding the company; he said he grew up without a dime to his name, or so he said. Most of his childhood was spent in America, so I guess that's why he used that dime reference!"

Soujiro's eyes flashes to mines, stunned. I frown at him, as if asking, what? I don't get it? He looks back at my father and smiles, but it looks all wrong, as if not believing what he's hearing, "Gosh, really? Yeah, my dad really is truly the 'pick yourself up by your own bootstraps' type, it's true!"

Is his father not American? Another deceit caught in headlights?

Hiko laughs, "Indeed! Well, I know you just got here, but Kenshin and I seemed to have ourselves a very close moment between the two of us, and it would seem that the moment has come to pass."

"Oh.." Soujiro's eyebrow lifts up, "You two were..?"

He sniffs, "We had ourselves a little cry. Heart to heart talk, you know how it is."

"Dad!" I gripe, and the two of them had a bit of a chuckle at my expense. Must he lay out all of our laundry like this shamelessly!

Hiko continues: "But.. It feels good to really, uh, get everything all out there. I think Kenshin and I are about to be much better family members to each other after all."

Soujiro's eyebrow returns to its normal position and he smiles, "That's.. That's good to hear, sir."

My heart pounds. Soujiro.

You could be in our family, too.

Hiko turns to look at me, with all the pride a father could have with his son, and he straightens up with yet another sniffle, "Yes, well, I think I better get going. I'd like to sleep early nowadays so that I always have the time and energy to get to work and do what I am needed to do. I'll leave you two to it, then. You two probably got lots to catch up on regarding homework assignments, so I'll be out of your way. I'm just happy that my son gets to be friends with someone as good hearted as you are, Soujiro. Though I have nothing but good intentions to his other friends.. It's safe to say that, out of all of them, it's you who seems to be the most important to him."

Soujiro's eyes widen again, his lower lip parting. He isn't sure what to say for the next few beats, but he did nod and then give my father a former bow from where he stands, "Of course. I'll do anything for your son, sir."

Hiko also gives a half bow in return, and he looks over his shoulder at me to nod, "Kenshin. I'll see you tomorrow. You'll be out of here in a couple of days, under your doctors' blessings. Hang in there."

I nod, "See you, dad."

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Hiko has left us two alone here, and Soujiro is now sitting next to my bed. Now, he's the one caressing my arm, nearly the same way my father was doing before; only with more romantic intentions behind it. Soujiro looks at me with so much worry in his eyes, but his smile also seems to be telling me that he knows it will all be over soon. That gives me a lot of reassurance from where I am lying down. It's good to have a partner as strong as Soujiro when the time calls for it; I have to wonder if he had to visit the hospital a lot on account of his mother's cancer treatments. I close my eyes painfully at that thought. It has to hurt so much to see your own parent wither away like that, on top of knowing your other parent is a no good, lying bastard.

I feel lucky, in a way. I may not remember much about my mother, but she was never terminally ill. I never got to see her just fade away on the hospital bed, when you're just a kid and have zero power to stop it.

"How are you hanging there?" Soujiro whispers, now caressing the side of my face carefully, "You'll be going home soon. You must be excited."

I nod gingerly, "And you'll get to see my place soon, too. You must be doubly excited."

He laughs softly under his breath, "Only because I get to spend more time with you."

We both smirk at each other, before our expressions soften; Soujiro's eyes cast downward at our now clasped hands together, and I look at this boy's beautiful face. I still can't believe he's mine. I also cannot believe at everything that's happened. If memory serves me correct, it has been just a few months since I first met him. I always thought that love is just something that happened after many years of getting to know someone. I thought that a romantic relationship needed that foundation first—maybe a friendship that lasted for many years to give it a good structure before two people jump in together. It was the same type of logic I had when I was with Tomoe, and later with Kaoru.

But with Soujiro, I swear, everything happened so fast. And yet, it feels so natural, too. It's enough to perhaps make most people hesitant to tell me that this could work out in the long run. We are both just a couple of young high school students, after all. We could change so much within the next several years. We still have college to go to, still have internships and first real jobs to face, still have travel plans and road trips and moving out on your own and all kinds of adulthood experiences to go through. Will we have what it takes to go through these trials together, and come out all the stronger for it in the end?

I watch as he circles his finger to trace something imaginary on the top of my hand absentmindedly, his eyes fogging over as he is thinking about something. I realize something now, though. If it's true that having that foundation first would help a relationship rather than hurt it, why didn't it worked out between me and my two ex-girlfriends before? If it's true that a fast romance might be foolish, especially in young love, then why hasn't Soujiro left me yet? Why haven't I've given up on him, yet? With all that's happened, it's enough to break up even the most promising of couples apart, keep them that way. And yet, with the two of us.. it seems to have brought us closer than ever before.

I guess I really do believe in the concept of soulmates now.

I smile and rub my thumb over his hand now to get his attention, "Hey. What are you thinking about?"

He blinks and looks surprised, looking at me now with some hesitation in his eyes, ".. I talked to our homeroom teacher, Mrs Kita. She was.. She was worried about you, Kenshin."

I frown, "She was?"

He nods, confirming. I had to chuckle at that.

"That's new."

"I'm serious, Kenshin," He shakes his head slowly, "She really was worried sick about you. She wanted to speak to me about you, and I.. Well.. I have to tell you something, and I really need you to promise not to get mad at me."

I sigh, rolling my eyes, but then, catching myself doing it, I shrink into myself as a way to look apologetic. I answer quietly, "I'm sorry. Sure, baby. What is it?"

He takes his time, eyeing me carefully, and his eyes waver with some tears, "She's on your side, Kenshin. She wants to get rid of Makoto Shishio. She doesn't even care that the fight started because you threatened him first, or because you hit him first when he and his gang cornered me all that time ago. She just wants him gone and to never step foot inside her school again. And so.. And so, she and I, along with Mr Saito, had a talk with the police before I came here. That's why I was so late today."

I eye him carefully, already feeling the butterflies in my stomach, "You guys.. talked to the police?"

He nods, "But, it went really well! The police didn't catch much out of me because I could never show my hands without your explicit permission. Mrs Kita really held her own in there, too, and was more than happy to show them Shishio's records so to solidify their decision to arrest him. You should have seen her, Kenshin. Even Saito held his neck out for you, today. You have no idea how much support you have. And I.."

He takes in a careful breath, his eyes much shinier than before, "And I even got to talk to our old gang again. Sanosuke and Yahiko are really sorry about how they treated us. They feel more hurt over your lies, than they are over the fact that you are in love with me. They never thought you could ever be dishonest with them, and that's why they took it out on you."

I blink at him softly, this young man who stops at nothing at making sure he fixes everything he's broken before. Although I absolutely take majority of the blame for the pain and suffering we've inflicted on everyone around us, it feels amazing to know that Soujiro wants to do all he can to at least get things back to normal for me while I am stuck here at the hospital. This boy really is the love of my life. It can't be a lie, then. I smile now, tears now returning in my eyes again, "You're amazing, Soujiro."

"H-huh?" He blinks rapidly, his tears now streaming down his face. I laugh a little harder now. He just looks so befuddled, it's adorable.

"I won't lie. I'm still pretty hurt and angry at those two knuckleheads," I now look at the ceiling above me, "The second they tried to physically harm you, is the second I no longer respect them as my friends. I don't know if they properly apologized to you over that, but even if they did, I still feel fucking pissed at them over that. They should have stuck with just hitting me instead of you."

"Oh, Kenshin.."

".. But, at the same time," I sigh, "It's hard. It felt so hard to live life without them. They will always be my bros, through thick and thin. We've been through so much together, and have grown up together after all these years. It would be such a waste to just leave them behind. So.. I do want to forgive them. I do. I just.. Need more time. I hope they understand that as much as you do. And as for the girls..?"

"Well, Misao's still a little bit pissed, but Megumi's devastated that you're in here. I think she, out of all of the three girls in the gang, is really taking it to heart that you got hurt."

I am quiet, waiting for the other girl's name. The girl I remember spending so much of my youth with, the girl who's stuck by my side during the worst of Hiko's drinking binges, the girl who would never do anything to hurt me or the gang on purpose. Kaoru Kamiya. But Soujiro, instead, looks down on himself, lips pursed and brows furrowed together. I guess she fucking hates me, then. Well, it can't be helped. Some friendships are bound to end permanently, and there's nothing you can do about it. Still, it doesn't help to alleviate the hurt inside my heart over not hearing anything about her. His silence proves it. So does hers. There is no coming back after what I've done to that girl. She will never speak to me again, and might have to avoid us for the rest of her life in order to move on.

"Well," I break the awkward silence, "That's good to hear. I'm glad. I'll be out of here soon and we have much to catch up on with school work, don't we?"

Don't cry. Whatever you do, don't cry for what has been.

"Kenshin..?" Soujiro's now looking at me with a newly confused disposition, "We don't have to talk about school right now."

I laugh a little harshly, "Yeah, I know, but it's just depressing having to talk about this! Let's talk about the real shit, you know? It really doesn't matter anymore."

It's quiet now. Soujiro looks at me with more unease in his eyes than before, and I think he knows who it is that was on my mind. When we all went to that trip out to the forest after the school dance, it was him who decided to proposition me for sex despite knowing I had just started a relationship with Kaoru Kamiya. I could have stayed loyal to Kaoru easily, had he kept his hands to himself. Even though I decided to cheat on her with him, a part of me also realizes that I was ready to hang on to my anger and resentment towards him when he told me that he refused to be in a real relationship with me. That's why I decided to jump head first into a new relationship with her. He knew that and decided to use his promiscuity to hurt her, anyway.

And now, here he is, morally judged by my silence. By the way I am avoiding his eyes now, and trying to change the subject. He unclasp my hands slowly, and he gapes at me for a few beats before whispering, "Are you thinking about her now?"

I sigh, "Who, Soujiro?"

"You know who," His voice breaks into a tone more scathing now. I bite the inner skin near my chin, determined not to start another fight with him, but he says her name anyway, "Kaoru."

Goddammit.

I scoff, "Yeah, and what about her? She will no longer be my concern and she will never speak to us again. It's what you wanted, isn't it?"

Now you've gone and done it, Kenshin.

Soujiro quite nearly shoots up from his seating and is now the one to scoff, "You're a real son of a bitch, you know that?"

I wince, his words spiking my chest like getting shot by a firing squad, but I keep my composure, "I didn't mean that.."

"You did!" His voice breaks, and I look up at him now with worry, "You're insinuating that I am happy that she's fucking gone from your life!"

God, fuck me. Is he really going to start shit with me, now, while I am basically comatose?

"Soujiro!" I yell, loud enough to get him to shut up with a small yelp from him now, "I am absolutely beyond unable to even move from this bed! Are you really going to start an argument with me, over a girl who basically lost herself to you, fair and square? You've won! You've always won! You were always the winner, because I never fucking loved her the way I love you!"

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?! That's supposed to make me look good in this situation? Oh, look everyone, the giant slut wins!"

"You're not a slut." I groan.

"Yes I am, it's one of the reasons you aren't sick of me yet!"

Here we fucking go again!

"Soujiro, I swear, if you've never had fucked me since the entire time we've known each other, I still would have fallen in love with you."

"How? How can you be so sure?"

"Because I'm not like your other fucking shitty exes!"

That got to him. His voice starts to shriek louder, "What's that supposed to mean!?"

"It means you're lousy at picking partners before and now you're acting like this damaged victim who can't believe he is worthy of being loved right now. It's fucking nonsense and you know it! I am seriously, literally in love with you, you absolute shit for brains!"

He was about to start again, but then stops himself. We look at each other, trying to find something, anything, to say now. But instead, he starts laughing. Quiet at first, but then it rouses into a big belly laughing contest between the two of us. I'm happy the medicine is strong enough that the impact from all the guffawing isn't hurting my face at all. Thank God for top tier healthcare that only money can buy. Soujiro, you really are an idiot. Look at all I've done for you. I've nearly killed myself just to protect your honor from the likes of Shishio and his friends. Don't you get it yet?

"I nearly lost my face just to defend your name from that asshole, Shishio, you dummy!" I am still losing it from all the laughing, "Of course I love you! Asswipe!"

Soujiro's trying to control his laughter enough to respond, "I love you too, quadruped!"

We are now giggling to ourselves, trying to calm ourselves down, which we admit that it took a while from that ridiculous little tiff we just had a minute ago. Once again, it is further cemented inside my mind that Soujiro truly is the person I am meant to be with, and it shows. As his laughter dies down to a mere chuckle under his breath, he leans in to kiss me ever so gently on my lips. Just a light, soft, and otherwise chaste peck on the mouth to let me know how much he loves me.

Soujiro..

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I went on home after kissing Kenshin. I'm in the hospital's elevator to go down the main floor now. He really needs his rest, and I've already exhausted him with my usual antics. I smirk to myself, shaking my head. I can really be a handful, now that I think about it. I don't know how that boy puts up with me. I guess he really is telling the truth when he told me that he's just that in love with me. I blush, touching the side of my face shyly. That's right. He really does love me, and I should never doubt the breadth of that level of love that he has for me. I can't let the past make me insecure anymore. Kenshin was right, no matter how bad it sounds: I won, and I get to be with him now. All of my hard work leading up to that moment of conclusion was worth it.

Kenshin is mine. It's really that simple.

I win.

I get into my car and start up the engine. I know I'll be at the hospital as soon as they discharge him. It's about to be the weekend soon, and I have to wonder if maybe I can maneuver my way around my dad so that I can hopefully sleepover at Kenshin's place. I don't know if either of them would be okay with that, to be honest, but I'll have to give it my best shot. I refuse to be away from Kenshin any longer than necessary; he needs me as much as I need him, especially right now while he's still healing. My hands on the steering wheel grips tighter as I drive down the streets away from the hospital building now, remembering the bandages around his head.

Meeting Hiko once again was nice. He's a really good man, I've come to find, and I'm really glad that he's cleaning up well. Sobriety looks really good on him, and it looks like I've done the right thing, convincing my father to give him a job. When my dad asked me how do I know Hiko, all I had to mention was being a part of some popular, wealthy and affluent group of kids who enjoys practicing philanthropy, and I wanted to give it a shot by giving one of their father a job after a long drought of unemployment. It'll look good on my college resume before I take over your throne, I told him. I was only half kidding, of course. But he brought it, and that's how Hiko got the job. All thanks to that stupid quip.

I arrive home. As I park my car into the double garage, I notice the other car parked inside. I guess he's home now. Now's my chance to convince my father of something else. I'll have to have him act reasonably for when the cops inevitably visits our home for questioning. I gulp, the hands on my steering wheel now shaking ever so subtly. That's the thing about dealing with my father: It's a delicate balancing act that I have to perfect inside my mind before I actually do it. One small mistake is enough to send me to the ground, violently so. He was once dubbed "The Mighty Lion" by the men who's worked for him before, due to his raging temper. I've seen it before when he decides to strike my mother with his psychological cruelty and emotional torture. I've seen it when he fired people. I've seen it in passing whenever he's home and nothing is not up to his perfect standards. I exhale, shaking.

The things we do for love.

"Father, I'm home!" I announce, rustling my car and house keys as I enter the mansion from the garage. I hear some rustling in the kitchen and I head on over there. I pop my head from the side of the entrance, finding him cutting up some spring onions and potatoes, "Miss me?"

My father chuckles at me, and if one wouldn't have known any better, they would think that this man actually does love seeing his son. But if they are wise to the real facts this evil man, they would see that he is only acting for an imaginary audience. The help is nowhere to be found, and it looks like the house is empty except for us two. Normally, that would make for a nice, quiet evening between the two of us. For some reason, though, it makes me feel even more nervous than before. No witnesses to gather around if this man decides to kill me right this instance. No one to help me if he just decides to hurt me in any way, shape or form. It's enough to make me sick, but I fight to keep my fake smile on.

"Welcome home," He grabs a green apple and tosses it to me, "Catch. I got it from a farmer today after visiting the country this morning. Nice and fresh."

I catch it with a surprise gasp, almost dropping it, but thankfully I am able to grab onto to it in time as it flies at me, "Oh. Thank you.."

"Are you hungry? I wanted to use our pressure cooker to make us soup. I know I'm not home often to do something like this with you, but I've been missing you lately. I feel like I see more of my subordinates' faces than I do with my own son."

Oh, dad. That sounds so sweet. And so very fucking fake all at the same time. I smile, not answering him.

"Well, regardless," My father quickly moves on after that moment of pause from me, "I am hungry, so we will have some soup. It should be done in about thirty minutes if you can hang on tight. How's school?"

"It's good."

"Good."

"And work?"

"Work is work," He continues on cutting the vegetables, "So.. It's good, as well."

My eyes flutter, looking at the floor with strange reluctance, "I see."

Silence. I always hate this part right here. The part where we both realize quietly that we truly have nothing in common outside of the fact that we are blood related, and only exist to use each other. It's as obvious as day that, had I've been born as his siblings' or aunts' and uncles' child, he wouldn't have gave one iota of a fuck about me at all. I'm about as next to useless in his eyes, only to serve as to be his next predecessor to the company's throne after retirement. The wealth is very good, and has given us riches beyond anybody's wildest imagination; to give up on me would be like snapping shut the valve that keeps his own heart beating and alive. It just cannot be done, no matter how much he wouldn't have cared otherwise.

But, there is no time today to think about that type of painful revelation right now. I have to let him know what's going on, so as to keep Kenshin and I afloat for just a little while longer. As my father quietly continues to do his activity, I straighten myself up and clear my throat, "Dad?"

"Yes?"

"There's.. Something you should know. It's about school, and.. um.."

The sound of his cutting against the wooden board stops. I gulp. Dry as bone. It's almost too quiet. He turns to me now, the only sign that he is confused is just one his eyebrow raised ever so slightly. That knife he is holding could slice through flesh in a single swipe. I take in a deep breath, closing my eyes, trying to compose myself. And now, it already looks worse than I wanted to let on.

"Go on," He sets the knife down, as if he could read my thoughts somehow, "I'm listening."

I exhale and respond: "I got threatened at school. I had a friend with me, and he stood up for me. It was against this group of guys who wanted to hurt me out of envy for me and what I have. And my.. my friend.. he and the leader of that group got into a fight. He had to go to the hospital afterwards.. And, um.. Well.. The thing is.. My friend.. He is the son of the man I told you to hire."

Now his other eyebrow is raised, and he looks at nothing in particular. Pondering on what to think or what to say. Or if he should even believe me. Well, it is mostly the truth. I left out the part that it was because I am gay, and they wanted to hurt me over homophobic sentiment. And that they know that Kenshin and I are in a relationship together. But of course, he doesn't have to know all of that, and the more I can keep away from the actual truth of the matter, the better. It's the only way I can get out of this situation in one piece.

".. So," He finally begins to speak, one of his hand grasping his hip and the other on the cutting board, "I'm guessing the police know about this."

I gulp again, eyeing him carefully. That hand is way too close to that knife, now. I nod. He lets his head hang, looking at the highly polished floor beneath his shoes. I can feel the inside of my mouth feeling drier as time ticks by silently between us. Will he help me? Will my dad put aside our differences if it means he can keep the integrity of the Seta Enterprise? Or will he think I somehow brought this onto myself? I can feel my heart racing faster when he lifts his head to look at me, those eyes that are now grey thanks to the color of the walls bouncing off of them. The same color as the skies looked when my mother died. I can feel my own eyes wavering, preparing myself.

He chuckles silently to himself incredulously, "Well. That marks, what, only three months of being in a new place before you suddenly get yourself into yet another mess?"

My breath is caught inside my throat, my pupils dilating. His eyes takes on a darker tone. The silence is louder than ever before.

"Daddy..?" My voice thins out to just a mere whisper at this point, my back now meeting the kitchen wall behind me.

He slowly walks over to where I am, his eyes as cold as the darkest night in Siberia. The mansion is so quiet, that one could drop a coin on the floor and it would surely create a bang. The fact that the help isn't here.. The fact that my father has seen this same type of situation play out before because of me.. This isn't good. This is really not looking good for me at all. The police never found out about what happened between Okita and I, but they were called on me by a teacher at a previous school when I was acting out in one of the classes. I threatened a student. I remember now. I threatened him because he threatened me first; He wanted to out me as gay because he and his friends were aware of my supposed "messing around" with a teacher twice my age. As if they had a clue over what was truly happening to me. And there was a girl involved in that whole mess, too, who had a crush on me. But of course, being gay, I wasn't into her at all. And she took that to heart.

And then there was Russia, where I would be held as captive in a special school for young men like myself. Unruly, unstable teenagers, who just wanted to be themselves. The teachers there had a special name for what they were trying to accomplish with us, to make it sound as palatable to concerned parents as possible: Reparative therapy. I also had the police there called on me, when I tried to escape from that horrible place. I was supposed to spend the winter time there only, but I couldn't stand it after just two weeks in. All the things they forced us to do.. The things they wanted to hear us say.. All the lies.. The way they taught us that we were only the way we were because we are unsuccessful at being healthily masculine.. The adults who told me, "What you feel is abnormal. The way you think, is abnormal. There is no such thing as being a homosexual, but a failure to thrive as a real man. You can stop this. You can fight this. You can overcome this. You can make your father proud. Face your traumas, and set yourself free."

I remember running through the snow. I remember not knowing where I was. I remember finding a log cabin, and that it was actually a bar. I remember there being so many types of men in there. And I remember trying to hide in the bathroom, but one of the workers there stopped me, asking me if I had my identification with me because I looked too young to be there. I feigned ignorance, playing up the fact that I wasn't Russian and couldn't understand the language at all, but it made it worse. Because I always make everything worse.

I remember being forced into the cops' car, and being brought back into that place. I remember enduring a long, cold, hard winter there. Wishing I was dead. And now my father, who had to always be the one to clean up the messes I've made before, looks like he's not going to do that for me anymore. He glares at me straight on, and stands nearly a foot over me from where I stand. I couldn't press past my back through the wall no matter how hard I wish I could do so. Mother, if you were here, would you stop him right now? If you knew that I am born the way I am, would you still love me anyway? I inherited your looks, your kind disposition, your blue eyes and that gorgeous smile that could charm anyone around you. But I also inherited your weakness around men who always wanted to hurt you. Would you have saved me when I was just a child before if you knew what happened to me?

Would you have wanted to?

"I believe this is a mess that requires a sacrifice from you." His words feels like a thousand red-hot needles striking my face and body all at once.

"Daddy, please—!"

My voice is immediately cut off with a pathetic whimper as he grabs hold of my throat with his hands, shutting off my oxygen. I could barely hear myself anymore, no matter how hard I try to speak. My hands fly up to grab his hands, but he took that as an open invitation to simply lift his foot and stomping on my foot hard, and I could only wish to scream from the pain. Instead, all that is heard is an incredibly high toned screech from my throat, my vision producing stars before my very eyes at the lack of breathing is doing numbers to my brain now. Finally, he speaks with a guttural tone, "I could kill you right now, if that's the only way to get you to stop. You're lucky you were born to accomplish one thing in your life, and that's to carry on the family legacy."

I try to speak, but all I could do was squeak helplessly, "Please—!"

"—Please?" He chides me sarcastically, tightening his grip around my neck even tighter than before, "You should have thought of that before you went around, looking for trouble yet again. Those boys that threatened you, they didn't suspected that you are into men, did they?"

He softens his grip around my neck so as to listen to my response, and I shake my head with a sob, "No! No, they don't know about any of that!"

"Liar." Was all my father could say before he finally lets go of me, all so he could finish me off with an open smack across my mouth, effectively sending me to the floor. No matter how old he is, he always took it upon himself to stay fit, so it was a hard blow for me. He stares down hard at me as I am coughing up blood on the otherwise white, pristine floors that had been washed professionally by the help probably not even a day ago. And now I've soiled it, with my own filth and sickness. The blood looks so bright and could compete in its intensity against the hair color of the boy I am so terribly in love with now. Kenshin. Kenshin! I wish you were here! I wish you could save me once again! I..!

"Get up, you miserable imp," My father coldly commands me, walking back to the cutting board to grab a towel and wipe off the blood from his hand, "When the police gets here, I want you to hide in your room and do not come out under any circumstances. I wouldn't want them to suspect anymore than what they do now. I will call our lawyer here, as well."

I am shaking violently as I struggle to sit up, blood still seeping out from my mouth, "But.. But daddy.. I didn't.. I didn't do anything..!"

"And I'm supposed to trust you? Of all people?" My father shakes my head, "No. You came from your mother, after all. A woman whom I never should have married in the first place. This is my punishment for giving a country whore like her an opportunity to marry into my family."

I gape at him numbly, shocked at what I'm hearing. He was never really all that kind towards my mother when I was growing up, but this is the very first time I hear him speak about her with such brutal callousness. Was he always this hateful towards her? This horrible towards her? I start to break down from where I sit, hanging my head towards the floor, suddenly missing my mother so much. Mother.. I never knew you suffered this deeply when you were married to him. I should have known. I should have known..

"What're you crying about?" My father slaps the cutting board loudly, making me flinch in surprise, "Get up and clean yourself! If you are going to get into business, you stand up to others like a real man! Learn to take a punch for once in your sheltered life!"

Sheltered! I hiss to myself, my temper now flaring, and I want to scream. But I couldn't. Nothing and nobody could petrify me the way this man could. I couldn't fight against him. I can't. I have so much to lose if I go off on him now. I bite back a sob instead, struggling to get up from the floor and try to stumble out of that kitchen, to get away from that room. Away from that arresting glare from that horrid human being. All I want to do now, is run away from here, run back to that hospital, and run into Kenshin's arms.

I am in the vast living room, walking on towards the rotating stairwell, when I hear that man calling after me, "Hey. You forgot something."

It was quick. I couldn't react in time. The very second I heard him call after me like that, I felt an explosion in the back of my head. It was the green apple he had tossed at me earlier to have as a snack before dinner; now he threw it right at my head, and my mind goes white with shock and pain. I slam against the floor, and it was silent once more. More blood seeps out from my mouth, and I could feel my irises shrink once more.

Kenshin..

I close my eyes. The sound of my shallow breathing and rapid heartbeat quickly fading into the background.

Kenshin..

I love you.

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"And what is it that Soujiro wants on his birthday?"

"I want.. I want to be just like you, mommy!"

Laughter.

"Just like me? What ever do you mean by that, sweetie?"

"I want to be able to play all day, everyday!"

Blue eyes rimmed with mascara widening, delirious at what she's hearing.

"Because.. mommy doesn't work?"

"Uh huh!"

She gapes at the other pair of blue eyes that is full of innocence. She had to smirk, that slowly delve into laughter afterwards.

"Soujiro, mommy can't work because daddy said so. He said I need to watch over our little angel."

"I'm your little angel, mommy?"

"From the stars above, yes."

"Then.. for my birthday.. I want to always be your little angel."

It's a blessing that the mascara is waterproof.

"You are. You always will be. Soujiro."

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"And where in the hell have you been?!"

The sound of glass cups clinking. The whooshing of liquid pouring into one. The cackling of the fireplace. A heavy sigh emitting from lips.

"Ōmime, don't."

"Today was your son's birthday, and none of us could have reached your phone. I might've as well called the police! Do you have any idea what time it is!?"

"Yes, time for all of us to go to bed. I am tired."

She chuckles, "Ah, of what? Of your duties as a father?"

"Ōmime..!"

The sounds of feet marching against expensive rugged floors. And the sound of a door slamming shut with passionate anger.

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For my birthday, my father gave me his watch. He told me that life will pass me by quickly, and to never lose it.

A golden watch.

To a newly five year old child.

Well..

It was better than silence.

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The memories of my mother. Her long, dark hair. Her skin that glowed like a marble statue inside of a coveted museum, basking under the sunlight of a nearby window. Her perfect teeth. Those dark blue eyes that always wavered when she went through her emotional states. That voice that always teetered between amusement, yet melancholy. The way she had so many dreams of becoming more than just the wife of a business man. The way she tried so hard to step out of his way, even when his silence killed her on the inside.

Mother..

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It's dark. I groan under my breath, my head feeling incredibly fuzzy. I take my time in opening my eyes after much struggle, only to find nothing but darkness. Is it night time? How long have I been out? The last thing I remember was hitting the floor after my dad assaulted me with a fruit. I shut my eyes, groaning louder now. What time is it? I prudently try to move my head and the rest of my body, once again taking my time. Everything feels so heavy; I feel so weak. I don't think an apple to the head could really make one so frail, but maybe I'm wrong?

I finally prop myself up from my elbows and look around. It smells like my room in here, so I guess I must be taken back here. I shuffle my legs and feet and sigh with repose. I'm in my bed after all. That's good. That means I am safe and sound from that monster. I don't have anything to worry about.

I reach over by instinct to my side and turn on my small lamp that rests on my night stand. I am all alone here, and for some reason, it amplifies the pain in my heart. Kenshin. Once again, I just need you here with me, and yet we are separated by unfortunate circumstances. How many times will we go through this together as a couple, I wonder. I hum to myself, shaking my head. Today was such a shit show.

Well.. Let's see the damage.

I turn on the light of my bathroom, slowly walking towards my sink where my large mirror resides. I am still dressed in the same clothes I was wearing to school, but now there are these head dressings surrounding my forehead and temples. I look just like Kenshin now. The thought of that gave me a shiver down my spine. But what's curious, are these dressings around my neck. Father. My eyes widen at my reflection. That's right; He chocked me today. There is now a cut near the side of my lip, too.

I look a right mess.

My hands are hesitant as they slowly rise from my sides, my eyes not leaving my neck. With much care, I start to unravel the dressing, my heart thumping against my chest. And once it all comes falling down next to my feet like a birthday present ribbon, my eyes couldn't deceive me anymore; angry bruises patterning my skin, in angry swirls of tones between a dark red and purple, giving away the fact that my father has assaulted me in the worst way.

It couldn't be fought against anymore.

My father hates me.

My fingers start to trail themselves over the wounds on my neck, and I flinch with a hiss. He really got to me this time. Bastard. I guess it can't be helped. This is my life. I sigh deeply, trying to get a hold of myself. Now is not the time for melodramatics. I have to take care of myself. It's what Kenshin would have told me to do, and probably call me an idiot too on top of it. I smirk to myself. At a time like this, I would have loved to hear the words from the bad boy who's never short of insults to hurl at everyone around him. It's why I love him so much.

Right now, I have to be strong. For him.

I crouch down to open my bathroom drawers and pantries. Due to my.. Well.. Debaucheries with boys over the years, I've learned so much on self care and healing. Having sex with men as a man opens up a world full of surprises. Sometimes, pretty nasty ones at that. I've had men spit on me to outright slapping me across the face in a fit of passion. Okita would sometimes go at me too rough, and the one time he was especially determine to hurt me, he completely tore me down there in my nether regions. So I learned how to cover up hickeys and bruises, as well as cuts. I even had to learn how to apply makeup over wounds so as to not rouse suspicions.

As much as I am devastatingly attracted to men, I absolutely fucking hate them at the same time. We really are a violent bunch.

I dab on a cotton ball soaked with soapy water on the cut near my lip. God, that bastard! I hiss again in pain, but I kept on dabbing to disinfect it. I rub on medicinal ointment so as to not let it fester or dry out from the alcohol. Undressing my head dressings, I expect to feel a gash or blood on the back of my head, but thankfully, it's just a bump. I pop a couple of ibuprofen, to hopefully help with the swelling. Next I grab a bag of "Instant Ice Pack" and snap the small ball inside of it with my hands to activate it. I carefully place it over the side of my neck where it is especially red, mewling from the combination of pain and cold. I'll just have to hold it for maybe ten minutes or so. With another sigh, I sit down on the cold hard bathroom floors, looking up at the ceiling above me.

It's in this room that Kenshin had taken me so many times before. It's where he cornered me over my past sexual assault and made me breakdown, I think. I can't believe someone you've known for just a few months could have such a hold over you. I smile bitterly now. It might sound absolutely wrong and I would probably go straight to hell for thinking this, but.. These neck wounds reminds me of the time Kenshin was chocking me on my bed, the first time he came here. God, the sex that day had got to be the best I've had in my life. My eyes flicker to the back of my head momentarily, and I bite down a sound that is trying to climb out of my throat.

Now is not the time to be playing myself. No. I can't. I shouldn't.

...

Soujiro Seta, you truly are one sick fuck.

With a pant, I reach to unbuckle my belt, with the hand that is not holding the ice pack to my neck. I am determined to help myself heal no matter what, because I can't let anyone else see the damage my father left behind. Not now while so much is happening. I wonder if the police have already paid a visit to our house. I hope not. I hope they were busy interviewing other people first. No matter. Even if they already spoke, I know my father; he knows exactly how to play his cards right, and get everything done his way. For all I know, he told just enough to get the police off our backs, at least in this residence.

I lean my head back against the bathroom cabinets, to let my head think of something else, of someone I actually want to see inside my mind: Kenshin Himura. The way he looks when he takes any of my body parts in his mouth to suckle on. My breath hitches, the heat already enveloping down there as I am stroking myself. The way he sounds when he's impaling himself into me, those delicious groans under his throat whenever he cums inside of me. My breathing runs faster and so does the slight of my hand from under my jeans now. The way he makes me feel whenever he lets the ghost of his hot breath descend into my ear whenever he tells me how good my body feels to him. How hot and wet his tongue feels whenever he would then lick my ear after declaring his love to me.

Fuck..!

I yelp as I cum hotly, clutching that wretched ice pack against my neck as my body convulses from the throes of the orgasm. It took a couple of minutes for both my breath and my heart rate to go down to its natural, calm rhythm, and I sigh finally. And with just my eyes closed and head tilted back, I couldn't help but smirk. And then, a chuckle escapes from my parted lips.

Jesus Christ.

Why do you love me, Kenshin?