"Fuck your God
Your Lord and your Christ
He did this
Took all you had and
Left you this way"
- A Perfect Circle
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"Man, I hope Soujiro's okay for tonight."
That was Yahiko who just said that. Sanosuke's driving us two in the car as we leave Soujiro's estate. As I look out the window and at the passing mansion, my heart clenches bitterly; I really hope that he is alright also, at least just for tonight. As long as that asshole dad of his is gone for tonight, I'm sure he'll be safe and sound from any and all physical harm. But what I'm most worried about, deep down, is his mental health. It has certainly taken a lot of beatings over the years, but I feel like this year has got to be the worst of his life by far. Realizing that your dad absolutely hates you with every ounce of your being.. the fact that your dad is probably a pedophile too, on top of that.. your final year being spent petrified of everyone around you because you're in love with another guy.. as well as opening your heart up once more to someone so different..
It has to be a lot to take in for him.
"I gave him the cellphone," I sigh, leaning back on my seat that is next to Sano, and Yahiko sitting right behind me, "He'll probably text or call me soon, just to let me know that he's okay."
"You don't think," Sanosuke grunts uneasily, "That the dad already saw the messages between the two of you, right? I'd hate to think what that old fuck would do if he found out that Soujiro's in an actual relationship with another guy right now. I mean, knowing Soujiro is sleeping with guys is one thing, but.."
"Yeah," Yahiko echoes, sighing, "Being in love is a whole other ball park. Dude's gonna be real fucking pissed."
I gulp, "I just hope he doesn't send Soujiro away."
"Where do you think he'd send him to, though?" Sanosuke takes a couple of turns to get to the bridge to reach my place, "I mean, how many places did that family lived in over the years?"
"He mentioned France and Russia. Germany. They did go on vacations in other countries, but well," I look out the window, pondering, "I do know that Tokyo is his real home. It's where he's made the most memories in. And it was the place he wanted to go back to, whenever they all lived in these other places. I think maybe that's where that guy's headquarters is stationed in, also."
"Tokyo," Yahiko nods soundly behind me, "Then, if that asshole sends Soujiro anywhere, I think it'd be there, then."
"I don't give a fuck how far away that place is," Sanosuke glowers as he stops at a red light, "If we gotta haul ass and save him from that place.. Then that's what we'll do."
I smile to myself. To think I almost lost these two as my friends, once upon a time. We really are such amazing friends, and it kills me to know that I almost lost it. All because I was behaving so selfishly, and all because I hated myself for being attracted to men after all. If you hate yourself, you'll hurt not only yourself, but everyone around you. I suppose now I understand that notion all too well. I can't play pretend anymore. I can't lie about myself anymore. I have to live a truthful life from now on, no matter how frightening it might feel.
"Hey," I turn to look straight ahead with a happier disposition, "No homo, but.. I love you guys. So much."
Sanosuke starts laughing next to me and drives at the green light, "Fuck you, man! I love you too!"
"Me as well!" Yahiko smacks the back of my chair in good nature, "Love you two as well!"
We laugh. Just like old times.
"Not to interrupt our bro love or nothin', but fuuuuck, I'm aching for that pizza now!" Sanosuke groans helplessly as we finally pull through to the area I live in.
I smirk, "Yeah. Pizza, here we come."
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After dinner, Yahiko and Sanosuke decides to stay in my room to discuss things some more. I never got to ask Sanosuke what Yahiko meant in his text messages about Soujiro and his dad. And something about a laptop.. Did they mean the laptop I tried to break in all that time back before? We are hanging out in my room and I sit on my bed; Sanosuke takes to my desk chair while Yahiko slumps on my larger bean bag that hangs on the side of my room, facing the both of us with a serious look on his face.
Yahiko Myojin. When he was only eight years old, his older brother, the one he's looked up to for his entire life, committed suicide by hanging. He never found the body, thankfully, but the police unfortunately have. His brother took it upon his own hands to make sure he did it in the suicide forest out in the island of Honshu. You could say it's one of the most stereotypical thing a Japanese man could ever do when he's just had enough of life. That stupid place is the talk of everybody else around the world. So to have your brother actually go out there and do it.. It's just so fucking hard to think about it, honestly.
We never knew why he did it. His parents had lots of theories, but it always came up empty the more we thought about it. Yahiko could only mention how hard his brother studied to one day become a doctor, and pull the entire family out of poverty. But when he couldn't get into the medical school of his choosing, he basically just went on ahead to kill himself. And what really hurts the most, is having Soujiro in our lives, because it reminds Yahiko of his high achieving brother as well. He even told me this in passing some time ago, before I broke Kaoru's heart with my infidelity. But, he said, it's worth it. Because Soujiro will pull me out of my own personal hell and poverty.
I don't think I deserve Yahiko's forgiveness at all. But here he is, looking at me and still caring for me just like a real brother would.
"Thanks for coming over, guys." I look down at my lap, no doubt my eyes showing off my weariness with dark shadows underneath them.
"Of course," Yahiko's voice sounds a lot smaller and softer than I recognize him for, which made me look at him with surprise, "We're here for you."
"Yahiko, I.." My eyes shut tightly with a grunt, "I don't know where to begin. Being around Soujiro must've reminded you of your brother, and I.. I really soiled that fucking image even further than what's necessary. I am really sorry."
Yahiko chuckles, "It's fine. My brother has nothing to do with you guys. Really."
I turn to Sanosuke now, "And Sano, you.. You were the first one to actually go out of your way to speak to Soujiro first for me after the gang broke up. You could've honestly cast us both away forever, and it would've been in your right to do so. And yet.."
"Dude," Sanosuke sigh with a tearful smile, "What're bros for? And besides.. Not to sound too negative or anything, but.. If worst comes to worst, and Soujiro like, breaks up with you or whatever.. You'll always have me in your corner. Love is great and all, but it's never a guarantee. It's always better to prioritize yourself and your friends, because life truly is shitty and uncertain."
I deflate. That's right. Today might be really nice and all, but anything can happen tomorrow. Soujiro really could wake up tomorrow morning, realize this is all too much for him to keep going, and end up leaving me. He always told me that he'll abandon me somehow, and maybe that's a warning that I refused to believe in until tonight. Soujiro's father is a powerful man; he could make all of this disappear overnight if he wanted to. He could make Soujiro turn into a ghost, and me into just a fragment of his past, never to be seen again. I can't fight against a fucking billionaire, and neither could Soujiro.
"I hope we don't break up," I shake my head with shut eyes, "He means the world to me. He told me that we should break up when I was in his room tonight, but.. I can't just leave him just like that.."
We were quiet for a few moments, absorbing this moment deeply. We seriously hope that Soujiro does not leave me, but sometimes, it can't be helped. I will stop at nothing at making sure it doesn't happen, though. I just wonder if Soujiro can be as strong as I am, in that regard.
"Well, I for one think Soujiro will not leave Kenshin," Yahiko looks to Sanosuke now, "Guy must've got it bad for Kenshin if he's done all this for him. He tracked him down, befriended us all, literally brought us off, all just to fuck him? I don't think so. I think Soujiro's always had feelings for Kenshin this whole time."
"He told me he loved me at that first party he threw for us." I let my eyes fall downcast, but I can feel those two now looking at me belligerently.
"Are you serious?" Sanosuke whispers, to which I nod, "Damn. So it always has been that serious."
"See? They'll be just fine." Yahiko sighs happily.
"However," I open my eyes to look at them again, "I know that there's a lot in front of us that we need to take care of. Like what Sano told me about his dad's laptop. What exactly did you even find there?"
"Let's just say me, Soujiro and Shakku are gonna need some serious therapy when all of this is over. We literally found kiddie.. you know, porn on it."
"No fucking way," I hiss, my stomach twisting in disgust, "You can't be serious!"
"Dead ass. That man is a real criminal."
"If anyone else finds out, that would be the end of that family business they own, huh?" Yahiko chews on his lip, "What would become Soujiro once that comes out into the open?"
"It's so much worse than that, though," I gulp, "Soujiro's dad.. I think.. I think he beats him or something."
The guys look on, absolutely stunned. Even Yahiko's usual olive complexion is taking on a paler pallor from what he's hearing.
"How do you know that?" Sanosuke asks, his teeth gritting.
"When you told me that he and I should have some privacy, I pulled down his scarf in his room and that's when I saw all these bruises," I can feel my breath hitching at that very recent memory, "Like his dad chocked him or something."
"Jesus," Yahiko growls, "That son of a bitch!"
"I told him to come out with us, but," I shake my head, "He said he couldn't because his dad has his phone. He can ruin his life with that thing."
"This is so bad." Yahiko looks at the floor now with a sense of hopelessness.
We are quiet again. There's really so much at stake here. Things can really snap into two and send us all to hell if we're not careful. Soujiro was right when he said we have to take things slow; do something too hastily, and we will all suffer probably for the rest of our lives. Sanosuke finally breaks the silence.
"Regardless, there's something else that's making this all a lot worse," Sanosuke crosses his arms in front of his chest, "And I'm not just talking about the laptop. We still have the fucking police coming after Kenshin here over beating up Shishio."
"He deserved it, though. Plus, we still have to find those girls he raped and bring him up to the court." Yahiko shakes his head, frowning to himself at how deeply complex this entire situation has gotten. I can concur, this is all already too much for us.
"If we can get those girls to testify against him, we'll make it so that he's just this sex crazed maniac that enjoys being violent with everyone. He'd be deemed too unsafe to be out there, out and about." I lean back onto my bed and look up at the ceilings above me.
"So, we got Shishio to worry about, the police that wants to arrest you and throw your ass in jail, plus your lover possibly being sent to planet Jupiter so that his dad can control him further. Man, is this our best fucking year of our lives or what." Sanosuke chuckles.
I am quiet for a moment before mentioning the following: "I also.. Just want Kaoru to come back into my life."
I don't know why, but she just popped inside my mind.
"H-Huh?" I hear Sanosuke sputter out, "I.. think maybe that should be the least of your concerns right now. It's not meant to be an offense or anything. It's just.. She's kinda not here in Kyoto right now."
My eyes widen and I sit up to look at him now, "What do you mean?"
"We mean, she kinda just.. left. She's in another town entirely. I guess you really missed a lot when you were at the hospital. But she's kinda living with other family members right now and.. yeah." Yahiko finishes with a much quieter voice now, as if ashamed to break this news to me.
Kaoru is gone?
Sanosuke and Yahiko both look away from my eyes now, and I hold my breath. So she's really gone? All because I cheated on her? My cheeks flare up and the feelings of guilt and remorse kick in. I mean, I can't lie, I think I would have done the same if the person I had it bad for so many years, dated me, all just to then cheat on me with someone else. And that other person being someone whom you thought is a great friend to you, too. I look down at my floor, dejectedly. I feel so ashamed of myself.
"So.. I have to get her back here in Kyoto, then." I smirk sadly to myself.
They're both quiet for a bit, watching me. Sanosuke breaks the silence with a mutter, "Let that go for now. It's not important."
It is to me.
"I.. Really, really hurt her so much, though," I shake my head with a bitter sigh, "I seriously fucking hate myself for that."
"Like I said, it's not important. We'll get to that bridge when it's time," Sanosuke starts to get up from his chair, "You're gonna be alright on your own tonight, Shinta?"
"Y-yeah.."
"You can always text or call us if you need anything else," Yahiko also starts to get up from his seating, "But we gotta get home. Let us know if Soujiro reaches out to you through that new cellphone of his, okay?"
I blink at the two of them, "You're not staying over?"
"Ah, I wish, but," Sanosuke rolls his eyes, "Old man needs me for errands tomorrow. He always leaves everything for Sunday."
"And mom wants to visit my brother's grave tomorrow," Yahiko stretches, feeling very tired now, "You know how far away that place is, and it's gonna be.. a whole day thing."
"Yeah, I understand," I nod, getting up to ready my goodbyes to them for tonight, "I'll talk to you guys tomorrow?"
"You bet." Sanosuke smiles at me before he gives me the fist bump.
Like I said.. I don't deserve these friends at all. I guess, I should just feel lucky, at least for tonight.
Soujiro.. Please be safe for me.
Please.
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I plug in the cellphone with it's charger in. The battery's completely dead. Kenshin's always the type to act impulsively and not think ahead, so it can't be helped. I smile sadly to myself as I watch it's tiny screen light up with a red battery sign on it. It looks to be quite an older model, maybe a phone of his that he used to own when he was younger. I have to say that I'm so happy to be living at a time and place where social media is in full swing, because I get to look at pictures of him when he was little; from his toddler years to his preteen ones, to the first few years of high school when he would do all these fun things with the gang before I came in and basically wrecked everything. My smile fades into a frown now.
I really fucked up everything in his life, haven't I?
My whole life, I always saw myself as someone who's done nothing but give, give, and give to others, in the vague hopes that I could be loved for it. I did it for my dad, and I've done it for the peers at school so that they could like me, and with all the guys I've slept with in my life, just so that they could keep coming back for more. And it's with Kenshin that I gave so much, just so I could have him completely. But I must admit, that I'm also someone who takes, takes, and takes some more in its place. I give Kenshin study tips for the good grades just so that he could fuck me, and I also gave him tips for his little investigation so that I could have a taste of him from time to time. I give Kenshin and his friends play money so that I could have amazing, orgasmic sex with him, and I give Kenshin Earth shattering blowjobs just so he could dump Kaoru for me. I even gave his dad a job just so Kenshin wouldn't ever even think about leaving or replacing me with someone else.
I am just as selfish, if not more so, than I realize.
In the end, it has made everything implode in his life, all so I could cum. I made him become a spectacle at his school and now everyone knows he's into men like I am. I made him lose all of his friends, his sanity, and nearly his face from that fight with Shishio. He's about to get into so much legal trouble with the police also, all thanks to me. I haven't seen Kaoru or heard from her in a while either, so who knows what in the world happened there. But I know that it's all because of me and my sick obsession over Kenshin.
I sigh, plopping down on my bed. It's getting late, and I need to sleep. Tomorrow will be Sunday, which is usually the day of the week that I get to see Kenshin.. But of course, I know that I won't this time. I remember all the previous Sundays we've spent together, either with the gang or by ourselves. I remember the fun days we've had together. I remember the nights of intimacy I've shared with Kenshin, and all the times he's brought me outside without shame, just to lavish me with love. I remember wanting so much, just to have him by my side, just to have all of him to myself completely.. despite wanting so much to hide, at the same time.
I remember hurting him so much over that.
I remember hurting Kaoru for that, as well. Megumi. Misao. Will they ever forgive us for the sins we've indulged in?
I turn out the light and look at that phone still charging. Since it's an old model, it's going to take quite a while for it to be usable. I lie on my back to look up at the ceiling through the canopy. I really hope that father lets me go back to school when this weekend is over. I hope he calms down from his immature temper tantrums, and can just be reasonable with me. If he does find out about the messages between me and Kenshin, though..
I gripe and grit my teeth, grunting. That's not going to be good for me or Kenshin at all. This is going to get so fucking ugly. And now that I think about it, will I still have to talk to the police, or did my father somehow scared them off? I still need to find out about those girls that Shishio raped so that we can somehow have leverage over him. If we can prove that he's a dangerous criminal, he'll have to go to prison instead of Kenshin. I have no doubt that we'll crack down this case with the amazing minds I've befriended these past few months.
It honestly amazes me how so much has happened to me, all because I wanted to stalk a hot guy I found online. I snort before laughing to myself. I really am a fucking trip. Kenshin. Wherever you are right now, please know that you have touched me in a way that no one else has. I will do whatever it takes to make sure we'll have our happy ending.
No matter what it takes.
I promise.
I slip my eyes close, letting sleep take over.
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I wake up in a daze. I can hear something downstairs, and I groan, frowning at the sound. What the fuck is that? I get up carefully, my face feeling a strange mixture of numbness, and yet with a hollow sort of pain pounding going through it. I walk out of my bedroom and the sounds are clearer this time: Something is sizzling downstairs, some pots and plates are being moved around, and my dad whistling.
Hiko. He sounds like he's in a good mood.
I linger on top of the stairwell, listening to these mundane sounds happening downstairs. And I don't know what came over me, but my eyes start to sting with the threat of tearing up. This is what my life used to sound like before I met Soujiro. I mean, I wasn't exactly the most happiest guy in the world before everything happened in the last few months. But at least life made sense to me. I was able to expect the worst out of things, but found comfort in the ordinary at the same time. Like how my dad really likes to whistle whenever he's cooking breakfast, despite being a raging alcoholic. Like I had almost no money to my name, but plenty of friends to keep me satisfied with what little we had at the time. Like I had my guitar to keep me company whenever I was spending time in solitude.
I'm scared that literally all of that will just.. fade away.
Meeting Soujiro was honestly the worst thing that's ever happened to me. But loving him, and letting him in, was the best thing that's ever happened to me, too. I have to ask myself, how can that be? How can something so wonderful be so terrible at the same time? All I want to do now is see Soujiro again. I know he's still under house arrest thanks to his dick asshole of a father, but waking up to these sounds, and knowing he's not here.. It makes my heart break down once more.
My dad still doesn't know about me and Soujiro.
I take a gentle grip on the stairwell railings. Soujiro's stairwell had these intricate black metal designs, while ours is more of a boring light colored wood. Our lives truly could not be any more different. And yet, our heartbeats share the same rhythm. We truly do belong together, no matter how different we might appear to other people.
...
I think I should tell my dad about us.
Things could get worse from this day forward, and I'd rather he hear the truth from me rather than somebody else. If Hiko is truly doing well these days, he won't go back to the bottle. I won't allow him! He can be stronger than that, I know he can!
I bite the bottom of my lip, carefully making my way downstairs.
I reach the bottom of the stairwell where I am immediately greeted by the imagery of my father setting down the plates of breakfast on the kitchen table. It smells so delicious in here. He's always one to know how to whip up something nice from time to time, so this feels very nice to wake up to on a Sunday morning. Especially after a particularly emotional night last night. I lean on the railing and it made a sound, making Hiko look up from the plate he just set down.
"Ah, you're awake!" He smiles cheerfully, "I was going to wake you up for breakfast."
I smile, "That's great, dad. It smells delicious."
"Well now, don't be shy, come on over and dig in!" He pulls out a chair for me and stands proudly like a peacock. I had to chuckle.
I'll tell him after we eat.
I sit down to dig in and so did he. We both have black coffee, just slightly sweetened, and it reminds me once again of Soujiro. He really likes a lot of cream in his, and much more sweeter than I could stand. He's such a fucking baby for that. I smirk secretly to myself behind the rim of my coffee cup. I have to wonder what kind of life would look like once we are able to escape this horrible situation together; what our mornings would look like, what our jobs will be like, how we are going to do daily chores and errands together.. How does all of that look like between two men who are in love with each other? At that, my expression darkens.
The world still isn't ready for a love like ours, isn't it? My eyes peer over to Hiko, who is busy looking through his phone and munching on his food to notice. Will he still be proud of me if I am out there, messing around with another guy? I've done so well at school so far and I've been meaning to look into getting my first job over the summer too, once I graduate. I want to do so much to make him feel a sense of relief that his son is going to do okay in life after all. I want to be a source of pride for him. But how can that be when his only child wants to do something as dangerous as loving the same sex?
Will he accept me? Or will he reject me?
That's the part I am most afraid of, in the end.
We finish eating in silence and he takes it upon himself to get all the dishes back into the sink to start cleaning up. My face is still not in tip top shape to want to go outside and do crazy stuff with friends like I usually do, so I think I'm going to take it easy for today. I've asked my dad last night after Sano and Yahiko left if I should be able to go back to school on Monday, and he says if I feel fine and able to. Although, he is worried if that Makoto Shishio dickbag will be there to hit me again. I wonder about that, too. I can't afford to take any more blows over my handsome face, after all. So, maybe it's best that I just stay home, and not go back to school. Until my face clears up completely from all the pain, or Shishio goes to prison. Or both.
...
No. Because then I won't be able see Soujiro at all, anymore. Fuck.
As my dad finishes up the dishes, I grip my thighs in nervousness. Here goes nothing.
"Um.. Dad?"
"What's up, son?"
"I have to.. tell you something."
He wipes his hands with the kitchen towel, looking right at me. Waiting.
I look onto the kitchen tiles, trying to steady my breathing quietly. Is this really happening? Am I going to finally come out of the closet and tell my dad that Soujiro is my boyfriend? Would Soujiro even approve of this if he were to see this right now? I mean, it's only inevitable, and it's better to do it now before things get way too messy in the near future. So much has already been fucked up in my life, and if there's anyone I should be leaning on right now.. Aside from Soujiro, of course.. is my father.
I have to do it.
I must do it.
There's just no other way.
I inhale deeply, readying myself.
"Dad, I'm.. I'm in love with someone."
Ba-dum..
His expression opens up with one of surprise. He carefully places the kitchen towel over the edge of the sink and walks around it, his eyes not leaving my face. He smiles and nod, "Yeah? Who is it?"
Ba-dum, ba-dum..
"Y.. You know this person. You've.. both of you have met already not too long ago, in fact.."
He blinks, mystified, "Huh? I mean.. I think the last people in your life I saw were the guys."
Ba-dum ba-dum ba-dum..!
I look at him. Now waiting for the dawn of realization to fall upon him.
He stares at me, still confused, ".. Is it Kaoru? That's the last girl I know you talked about before, right..?"
I still look at him. And he looks back at me.
".. Son?"
Ba-dum ba-dum ba-dum ba-dum!
"Dad. You saw them. Days ago."
He gazes at me carefully, and he thinks. And thinks some more. Until his eyes takes on a shade of utter confusion, "The last person I saw was Sou.."
My heart is about to explode.
My breath hitches finally, my nails nearly digging into my thighs now. I say nothing. And neither did he.
Because I've already said everything.
"Yeah. Him. I'm in love with Soujiro Seta."
This is probably the part in most dramatic television shows where the main character finally flat lines.
My dad gawks at me in a stupor, and luckily since the kitchen counter is right behind him, he leans on it, as if catching himself from this revelation. His eyes are wide and his pupils are nearly pin pricks now; he slowly averts his eyes downward, mouth hanging open. He doesn't know what to say anymore. My heart is thundering inside my chest, but I keep my face still and openly observing him, to see how he will react next. All is quiet in the house for the next couple of minutes as he looks down and around the floor, tinkering with his thoughts.
Finally, my eyes flutter close and I whisper, ".. I'm sorry, dad."
Silence.
I hear him take very slow steps towards the other side of the table, and it is quiet again. The sound of the chair moving against the kitchen tile floors with a soft screech, and him sitting on it with a slump. I open my eyes in time to see him leaning his face forward into his open palms, and he stays like that for a while longer. My heart is bleeding in pain all the while I look at him, knowing I've probably given him yet another reason to drink again. The fresh prick of tears comes back into my eyes, and my lower lip trembles.
Please don't stop loving me, dad.
"That's why.." I exhale, ".. I got beaten up at school, and had to go to the hospital."
He is still silent, face buried in his hands, stunned beyond words.
"And.. It.. It gets worse.. I.. Cheated on Kaoru with him. Soujiro, I mean."
He finally takes in a faltering breath and lets go of his own face from his hands, looking at me now with anger, "So that job.. That job that I thought I had from my own merit.. It was all him and his doing. That Soujiro."
I don't know why, but that fucking offended me. I gripe and shakily got up from my chair, "Yes. That's why you got that fucking job, you ungrateful asshole!"
"Shinta," He is now glowering at me, hands forming into fists, "Do you know what you've gotten ourselves into?"
"What do you think?!" I shout, "Soujiro's in love with me so of course he wanted to help you! He knew that your drinking was hurting me!"
He grunts, looking back at his fists now, his face reddening. I honestly hate having to embarrass him or remind him of his past misdeeds, but it had to be said!
"You do realize," He starts carefully but still with full of wrath, "That I am working for that young man's father who is one of the most powerful people in this country?"
"And do you also realize that," I hiccup, the tears running down my face feeling incredibly hot, "That his father hurts him, too?!"
He grunts, "W-what? What.. do you mean by that?"
I tremble from where I stand, my fists shaking on my sides now, "He.. He chocked him, dad. That man is hurting his son. And he's doing something incredibly.. illegal."
I'm sorry, Soujiro. But it had to be said. I had to tell my father, the talented ex-detective who could solve cases like they're nothing, the truth. I'm done with the lies. I am done with hiding us. I'm done with everything! I just want to be able to breathe again! I look at him through my bangs and he looks at me now with a softer and perplexed expression on his face. I probably look the most broken I've ever looked ever since mom's funeral. But I am done with it all and I just want everything to go back to normal.
If it isn't too late to even want that again.
".. Shinta," He finally gets up again from his seat, "I.. I had no idea."
I gulp, wiping my eyes with my knuckles, sobbing.
".. This man," He turns to look at the patio doors that gives way into our backyard, "What else do you know about him?"
I sigh with a tremor, "You better sit down. It's going to be a long story."
We sat down in our living room. I start from the beginning, of how I met Soujiro Seta. I told him that I thought he was some rich, pompous dick who was bored with his life, and wanted to fuck around for his last year of high school before heading off to college. I told him that he tried to get close to me at first, but that I wouldn't let him. I told him about the gifts he got my friends as a way to butter them up. I told him about how he propositioned me to date me during a party he threw for us for the first time, but that I rejected the offer. I told him about that tab that he covered for us when I was trying to buy stuff at the local convenience store, which made my dad quite ashamed of how large the tab he left behind from all that booze he purchased beforehand.
I told him about how Soujiro propositioned me for a date again after that, and how I felt too weak to say no, so we started "dating". I didn't wanted to use the word "sex" with my dad, because that just felt too much at this point. I told him how I soon wanted to have a real relationship with Soujiro, one that actually had a future in it, but he rejected me, and so I went out with Kaoru to try and forget about him. But then he started coming onto me after the school's dance, and of course, that's when the cheating began. My dad got really quiet in this part before he muttered how absolutely disappointed he was in me for hurting such a good girl like Kaoru. That hurt, but I guess it had to be said. I was quiet for a moment before moving on with the story.
I told him about how he and I finally mustered up the courage to come out with our relationship to all of our friends. I told him that Sanosuke punched me in the face over that, and how the girls have basically avoided us completely. I told him about the trips I've taken with Soujiro, both with the gang and without them, and getting to really learn more about his past and his father. I told him about how I basically lied to everyone about my whereabouts, all so I could spend even more time with Soujiro. I told him about our Christmas gifts together. I told him about never meeting Soujiro's dad, but feeling so afraid of him because of what he's capable of.
I told him finally, that Soujiro is gay and that his father could not have that be public knowledge because the media would rip their family legacy and business to shreds. I told him how much I love Soujiro, and how he actually wants to become a veterinarian instead of a CEO of some boring fucking company. I told him nearly everything.
By the time I was finished and felt satisfied with the level of information I gave to my dad, he was quiet and taking all of this news in as long as possible. My face could not feel any more hotter or look more redder even if I tried. It feels so fucking humiliating having to relay all of this type of stuff to your dad, after spending your entire life appearing in another different way. He seriously thought he raised some bad boy who enjoys having sex with women only; now he has to deal with the fact that he likes getting it on with boys on the side, too.
Finally, he sighs and rubs his face with his hand, "Kenshin.. You're lucky you're a legal adult and I can't ground you for ten years over this."
I gape at him for a few moments, before I burst out laughing.
He snarls, "What's so funny!?"
"Dude!" I try to quiet down my laughter, to almost no avail, but I manage to spurt out, "Soujiro's dad fucking grounded him too, meanwhile!"
He blinks rapidly at what I just said, "You can't be serious. Soujiro's also an adult, he can't do that."
My laughter finally quiets down to a sad chuckle, and I shake my head, "I know. That's what Soujiro's dealing with. Now you understand."
"I do," He nods, humming thoughtfully to himself, "This is quite concerning. That and the physical abuse, this is definitely something I will have to look into."
I sigh, "You're not a cop anymore, dad."
"You're right. But who says I can't do my own little digging around?"
I groan, staring up at the ceiling while plopping my entire body down completely on the sofa, "That's exactly what I said all these months ago, and it practically ruined my life. You really have to watch what you're saying, dad."
"Well, the thing is, you're just a teenager who have zero qualifications to be doing that type of work. I myself have many years of expertise to get to the bottom of this. Is there anything else I should know about?"
"Well," I frown at nothing in particular, "I vaguely remember his dad's name, because of the company website I visited. His name's Tsukino Seta. I don't know if that's his surname from before or after his marriage, to be honest. Soujiro's mother died a long time ago.."
My dad grunts, ".. His mother is also dead?"
I turn to look at him now with a bittersweet smile, "Twinsies, am I right?"
He shakes his head with a frown, sighing, "Poor kid."
"The worst part is.. Sanosuke and my other friend Shakku were at Soujiro's place weeks ago, and found something incredibly incriminating on the dad's laptop."
"How incriminating are we talking here?"
"Let's just put it this way. There are children involved."
I look up just in time to see Hiko standing up slowly from his chair, staring down at me with an expression I have never seen on his face before. A mixture of disgust and murderous rage. He looks so much more imposing than ever, and I had to shrink back just a little. I'm not used to seeing this side of him.
"You can't be serious." He growls, eyes nearly turning into slits from his glaring.
I sit up, nodding carefully, "I'm being dead serious."
And just like that, we hear the front door knocking, nearly scaring us both in the process. Who could that be in the middle of a Sunday morning? My dad looks at me quizzically and I could only shrug in response. Hey, don't look at me, I didn't invited anybody over. He exhales with a hint of annoyance, and heads on over to the small hallway leading towards the front door. I look from the edge of the sofa curiously, just wondering who could that be. Could it be.. No, it couldn't.. Soujiro? My heart and stomach drops at that thought, hoping that it is him after all. I would do anything to hold him in my arms again, and inhale his sweet scent. Hiko opens the door and it is someone who I never would have suspected to come to my house in a million fucking years. Wearing her sandy blonde-grey hair in a low bun and a beige overcoat, my homeroom teacher stands tall with pride, yet her eyes are full of worries.
Mrs Kita?
"Oh!" I hear my dad chuckle uneasily, "You're, uh.. Kenshin's homeroom teacher, aren't you?"
She bows respectfully to my father, "Yes, I am Mrs Mita Kita, his homeroom teacher. I hope I have not intruded you both on this fine morning."
"N-no!" My dad opens the door wider now, "Please, come in!"
"I'll only be in for a minute," Mrs Kita walks in and looks relieved to see me, "Ah, Mr Kenshin Himura. How are you these days?"
I blink at her dumbly, and my dad glares at me from behind her. Oh, shit. I quickly nod and respond, "I'm fine. Much better, to be honest. I should be back in school tomorrow, if that's okay."
She brightens up at hearing that, "Well, that is splendid news. I hope showing up here wasn't too much of a surprise; I have records of where students live in case I need to drop by for any emergency visits. To which, I do constitute this visit as such."
"Ma'am, is there anything wrong?" My father steps in to her side, "May I offer you something to drink? Tea or coffee, perhaps?"
Why is my dad acting like such a simp right now? I blink between them curiously, suspicious.
"Hmm," She muses to herself, "Well, coffee would be nice. It is quite chilly out there."
"Mrs Kita," I get off from the sofa, "Do you know anything about Soujiro right now?"
She hesitates, "That's why I am here right now. Let's sit down and have a frank discussion, Mr Himura."
Oh no. Did something really bad happened? I nod carefully before sitting back down, and my dad excuses himself to the kitchen to start preparing us some more fresh batch of coffee for us all. Mrs Kita sits down on a couch that lies opposite to me, and she keeps her hands on her lap, staring hard on the floor. You know, for all this time since I've been her student, I always saw her as such a hard nosed type of person. But with strings of her hair framing her face softly, and the more relaxed forms of clothing she wears outside of the homeroom.. Mrs Kita suddenly looks surprisingly younger and nicer than I remember her to be. She has to be around my dad's age, if I had to guess.
"Mrs Kita.." I start in carefully, catching her by surprise, "Is Soujiro.. doing alright?"
"..His father suddenly made him absent for two days before this weekend, which concerned me," Mrs Kita looks towards our not so fancy TV with a sigh, "His father mentioned something about Soujiro not feeling too well and needing his sleep, but Soujiro's not the type to be absent for days on end. He is one of our most high honors students thus far. But I am also worried about something else.."
Hiko comes into the living room to sit down to join us.
She continues, "His father told me that he isn't sure that he wants Soujiro to even come back at all."
I am thunderstruck with shock. My throat constricts and I can't bear to move or say anything at all. My dad looks at her with shock also, and he wastes no time getting up with a gruff growl, "That man.. Do you suppose there is something happening in that household?"
Mrs Kita pauses to look at him and then at me. She mumbles, "Kenshin.. Do you know anything about that man at all?"
My eyes waver, "That man is hurting Soujiro. I saw wounds on his neck just last night."
She scoffs, as if not believing her ears. "Well! What a disgrace of a man. I can't believe my ears."
"What should we do?" I gulp.
"Should we could call the police?" My dad inquires politely.
"No!" I jump up, catching them both by surprise from my outburst, "If you do that, he will definitely pull Soujiro out of the school and move him elsewhere!"
"I see," My dad nods, "It's a lot more complicated than I thought."
"You're telling me.." I mumble sadly.
"Has the police contacted either of you yet?" Mrs Kita asks me.
"Not yet. I guess they know that I'm still healing and want to give me some time," I click my tongue, "Of course, I'm sure they'll want to talk to me as soon as tomorrow."
"I can accompany you if you like." Mrs Kita offers kindly. I smile.
"Maybe. Yeah. I don't mind."
"I believe the coffee is now ready," Hiko mentions as soon as we hear said coffee machine beeping in the background, "How do you like yours, Mrs Kita?"
"Black. A smidge of sugar would do just fine."
Hiko and I look at each other and share a knowing smile. Looks like we've just got ourselves a new friend in this household after all.
"You and the two of us are going to get along just fine!" Hiko laughs, "Be right back."
...
As we sip our coffee, Mrs Kita informs me that I have the option to utilize the school's Canvas website to complete my assignments if I decide to stay at home to heal. I told her that sounds great and all, but I really want to show up tomorrow. I did mention my fear of coming across Shishio and his gang, to which she plainly replies that they've all been suspended for the next two months. At least until the police investigation concludes. I nearly choked on my coffee at that.
"Seriously!" I beam, "No fucking way!"
"Kenshin!" My dad chides me, "Language!"
"What! This is awesome news!"
Mrs Kita nods, "Principal Saito thought it was the obvious choice, given the nature of their crimes near school grounds. He is concerned of yours and Soujiro's safety as well, so it would be best to give you both the time and space to learn while we both decide what to do with them. I honestly believe he should do us all the honor and expel them, but it involves paperwork and the initial suspension period to end. I'll see if I can get him to work on it tomorrow morning if you can bear with me, Kenshin."
"It's no problem," I sigh, "I get it."
"The school board has also decided to keep a few police officers inside the school buildings to keep watch over us, until the investigation also concludes," Mrs Kita takes another sip of her coffee, "Honestly, Mr Himura, you really know how to leave our school with some very interesting memories for us all."
She had to laugh to herself, and we joined in with our own awkward chuckles.
"My son definitely knows how to keep life interesting," Hiko blushes, scratching the back of his head, "And for that, I do apologize."
"It's no trouble," She smiles at him, "I do enjoy Kenshin's company whenever I come in for my classes. Really."
"Mrs Kita," I puff out my chest comically, "You can count on me to be your fucking class clown."
"Kenshin!" Hiko chides me yet again. She laughs harder.
"Perhaps when all of this is over," Mrs Kita sets down her cup, finishing up, "You can all meet my son. He will be home for the summer, and he's quite a lot like Kenshin here. You two could be friends, if you're interested."
"Sure thing," I smile soundly, "We can all be friends."
"I'd like that." Hiko nods.
"Well! That was a lovely cup of brew, but I must get going," She gets up, patting off imaginary dust off the front of her thighs as she does so, "Mr Himura, I will see you in the morning. Please be sure to continue to be the bright student I know yourself to be."
"Yes'm." I smile shyly.
"Let me see you out, ma'am!" Hiko gets up a bit too hastily. I blink at him. Does.. My dad have a crush on her or something?
"Oh, thank you." She laughs softly behind her hand.
I watch them as they walk side by side together down the hallway and he waves his hand as she bows to him to finally walk out. He shuts the door quietly, scoffing to himself.
"Oooooohhhhh!" I cooed playfully, "Dad has a crush on my teacher! Ewwww, that's so sick!"
He groans, "Kenshin, you're grounded."
"What!?"
"Yes. At least for today." He rolls his eyes, chuckling, "Besides, I need your help with some chores around here. I wasn't feeling too confident when that lovely woman came in here and there were a couple of clutter here and there. That was embarrassing."
I sigh, "Fine, then."
This was cetainly one interesting Sunday morning, indeed.
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The battery of that cellphone has finally been charged to a hundred percent. I flip it open and am immediately adored by the old school look and feel of it. It must've been perhaps from the early 2000s or even late 1990s. Obviously, being that he and I were born in the year 2000, he should have had access to the newer models by the time he was a pre-teen. But, I guess his father Hiko always had trouble with finances, and had to make due with getting stuff older and cheaper. I deflate. That family really had some hard knocks, didn't they?
I take a look around the phone, the button icons looking hilariously aged and strange compared to what I'm used to in my current phone model. But, again, I'm into the old school look, so it's no biggie! I click through the arrow pad above the number buttons and was able to look through the apps. It has just the basics, really; alarm, notepad, email, etc. I look through the text messages, and my stomach drops; there are old messages still on it! Should I look through them? I'm not sure if Kenshin would appreciate that, to be honest. There are several under the name "Stepdad", "Sano", "Yak Yak" (Yahiko?), "Kaoru :D" (Ugh.), "Mee-Mee" (Megumi or Misao, I'm assuming?), "Meggie Bear" (This must be Megumi's doing when she punched her digits in.), "Asshole" (?), and finally, "Tomoe Chan".
Who's Tomoe? I blink at that name and decide to look through the messages. Lots of cute little messages about them missing each other and when they will see each other again. Oh, is this another one of Kenshin's close friends that I don't hear about? I could have sworn I've heard of her name before. Oh, now I remember! Shishio mentioned her name, and something about how Kenshin's totally broken up over it when they had to dump each other. I deflate, with a queer sense of sickness in my stomach. I guess maybe I really am the jealous type.
They shared a bunch of stupid memes together. Tomoe talking about how much she doesn't like being home alone, and wish she could be at his place instead. Ouch. Kenshin trying to cheer her up with his usual dry jokes, and her lol'ing over it. Uuugh. Basically, a very typical couple of friends that are way too young to realize that they have feelings for each other. I feel like Tomoe is quite the introverted type, and very smart to boot. I click away from the messages. I don't need to read them anymore.
I want to contact Kenshin. I am dying to hear his voice again. I am in my bedroom right now, still in my pajamas, and still in bed. If there's one thing about being in love, is that you're able to remember their phone number. I could quite literally forget my own father's phone number if he ever calls me while I have another phone, but not Kenshin's. I can recite his number in my sleep if I must. I take in a deep breath, my heart thundering in my chest. Here goes nothing. After configuring the Wi-Fi on the phone, I punch in my boyfriend's number and press it against my ear.
It's ringing now. I grip my sleeve with my free hand, chewing on my lower lip. Please pick up, Kenshin. Finally, I hear something and my stomach drops lower.
"Hey, Soujiro."
Oh, that voice. I shiver with satisfaction, and I purr, "Kenshin."
He laughs from the other line, "How are you? Are you okay?"
"I'm feeling so much better, now that I can hear your voice.."
"Is.. Is your dad home?"
I gulp, "I think so. I just woke up. I guess I overslept a bit, heh."
Silence.
"Kenshin..?"
"Soujiro," He clears his throat, "Keep me in the loop today, okay? I can't go out today and no one else can check up on you because we're all too busy. But please just try to be safe for today, okay?"
I nod, "Okay, honey. I will."
"You'll be in school tomorrow, right?"
"I don't know," I sigh, "I'll have to ask my dad today and see what he has to say. But regardless, Kenshin.. I'll always try to find some way to reach you. You know that, right?"
"Yeah. I know. I just.. hate being away from you."
"I know. I know."
"I want to kill your dad, I swear to fucking God."
My eyes flutter close, sniffling, "I know."
"He can't get away with this."
"I know."
"I love you so much, it's killing me..!"
"Kenshin!" I whisper, exhaling, "Let's.. Let's calm down. Okay? I'll be okay. I promise you that."
Silence.
"I know," He sighs, "I just.. Fuck. I really want to see you again. So badly."
"Well," I smile, "At least you gave me this phone. We have this one line of communication to keep us going. Thank you, for giving me this."
"Heh. Yeah. Your welcome."
"And Kenshin?"
"Yeah?"
"Who is Tomoe?" I snicker behind my hand. Well, I feel bored, so why not cause something?
"W-what?!"
"I saw your messages to her. You guys must've been quite the item before you met me, huh?" I get up from the bed finally to head on over to the bathroom.
"What is this, The Spanish Fuckin' Inquisition?"
"Oh, come now, you know nothing about that history lesson, you big dummy!"
"Ugh, fine!" He groans on the other line, "She and I were close friends and then we dated for a bit. I mean, she's hardly even my ex-girlfriend! She had too much on her plate to want a relationship with me, anyway!"
"Is that so?" I put toothpaste on my electric toothbrush, "So I have nothing to worry about?"
"Dude. You are seriously killing me here."
I laugh, "Well, soooo-rryyy for loving you so much!"
He groans on the other line. I giggle.
"I.. I love you too."
"I have to go brush my teeth and get ready for today. I'll let you know how the conversation with my old man goes."
"Yeah.. Okay."
I blink, "And Kenshin?"
"What now?"
"Nothing. I just love you."
He sighs on the other line, but not out of annoyance, but of loving adoration over me.
"I love you too, Soujiro. I worship you so much."
"You do?"
"Yeah.. Literally, like, obsessed."
I laugh, "Okay, I'm hanging up, you're so weird!"
He laughs now, "Alright, fine! Talk soon."
"Bye." I smile and finally hang up.
It's time to face the music.
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I head downstairs and enter the dining room area. Usually on Sundays, we enjoy a very heavy breakfast to start the day right. My dad is someone who believes that the week starts on Sunday rather than on Monday; he makes sure that everything is perfect to start off the week with a strong foundation. Whenever he would be done with these big breakfasts, he'd head down into his office that's attached to his bedroom and lock the door. To just basically disappear the entire day. And I will hear absolutely nothing from him until dinner time, which we usually head down to a restaurant or order in.
I really don't know what type of mood he is in right now, so I keep myself emotionless, yet keeping on an affable smile. I sit down at the long dining table and wait for the others to arrive. After a minute of silence, the door behind me opens and I see my old man walking in with his royal blue bathrobe on, hair just a touch messier than usual, and walking around with his favorite black slippers. He is sighing to himself and looking pensive, if not a bit remotely exhausted. Has he been up all night?
I don't say anything as he reaches towards the other end of this long table, my hands clasped on my lap politely. I know how this dance works and so does he. Whenever I am in trouble, I don't speak unless spoken to. That's how it works around here. The door opens again to welcome in the help, Mrs Oguni being one of them, as they dutifully and silently set the fine china set, coffee, tea, sugar cubes, and the plates of food in front of us. I am quiet as I watch all of this unfold; I would love to have this moment with Kenshin instead of my father.
I hate this place so much.
As the help finishes their jobs and head out to leave my father and I alone at long last, he clears his throat so that I can pay attention to him, "Soujiro. I must.. apologize, for what has happened between us. It was a horrible thing I've done to you and I haven't been able to sleep since then. I never should have done that, and.. I'm sorry."
Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, the academy award goes to Douchebag Fuckface here. I close my eyes, my smile poised and cold, "I forgive you, father."
"And, Soujiro," He takes his cup of coffee to take a sip before setting it down, "I've been wondering if you would like to spend the rest of this day with me. We can do whatever you like. I can take you out shopping if you prefer. You would like that, wouldn't you?"
No I don't, you absolute asshat.
"Oh?" I pipe up, "Why, yes, that would be wonderful, father! Yes, let's go shopping!"
Kill me now.
He nods, "Very well, then. I'll have the help keep watch of things around here. You may choose where you would like to go."
You know, maybe draining the old man's money for what he's done to me and Kenshin doesn't sound too bad of a day after all. I'll be more than happy to take some of your coins away, you piece of shit. I nod happily, taking a bite out of my grilled fish. Maybe I can even get something for Kenshin and just say it's for me.
I'm sure I'll be okay for today.
Right?
To be continued.