Author's note: Rated M+ for strong sexual scenes.
"Remember when you lost your shit and
Drove the car into the garden
And you got out and said I'm sorry
To the vines and no one saw it"
- The National
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Fuck.
That was some great sex.
After we cleaned ourselves up by the small creek, Soujiro and I hurried on back to the school's track and fields. Imagine our fucking luck that, upon our arrival, a couple of students were nice enough to let us know that the teacher had to handle some emergency inside the school buildings. We were never noticed after all. The teacher probably had no idea that we were both missing in action for a considerable amount of time. Soujiro looked so goddamn relieved upon hearing this, and I couldn't help but chuckle under my breath. The students asked us where in the world we went, and Soujiro looked at me with that shit eating grin. I shrugged and replied, "We took some drugs. Don't tell anyone."
"You have drugs?" One of the students, a young male with sandy blonde hair, blinks at me curiously.
"That is so cool." The other one, a chubbier male in glasses, laughs to himself.
Soujiro looks high anyway, with that post sex glow. God, he looks so good. I nod, confirming what the first student said, and he rolled his eyes, chiding me under his breath. Whatever. The students then walked away from us and completely none the wiser of what had happened between me and this perfect specimen that's standing right next to me.
It took a while. The students were gathered in the middle of the fields doing their stretching and gossiping about what could possibly have happened in the school building. But eventually, the teacher came back outside to haul us back in. He told us that someone had tried to hurt themselves and it was pretty bad. But he wouldn't tell us who it was or why it happened. I better check on my friends to see if it's any of them, though I doubt any of them are the type to do something like that. Still, it doesn't hurt to at least try and find out who did it.
We took our showers in the locker rooms and came out in the hallways. Pretty soon, Soujiro and I joined up with Sanosuke, Yahiko, Megumi, and Misao. They all looked pretty spooked about who the fuck tried to hurt themselves, so I'm relieved that it's none of them.
"Who do you suppose it was?" Sanosuke shakes his head as we all walked down the hallway.
"I heard it was a chick!" Yahiko's eyes are wide with excitement, "But I don't know how she did it. None of the teachers would tell us shit!"
"Ugh, that's so sad!" Megumi grimaces, "Whoever she is, I hope she's okay."
"Yeah.." Misao sighs, "Anyhoo. What're you all up to, today? I'm fucking bored and want to chill."
"Is your mom home?" I ask her.
Misao perks up, "Not until tonight! Why, do you wanna hang?"
I smile. It feels so good that we've reconciled. I nod, "Yeah. Let's do it. Is Aoshi gonna be there?"
"You know, now that you've mentioned it," Misao deflates, "He's been awfully busy these days. I haven't really seen him in nearly a week, but we do talk on the phone still.."
Soujiro's quiet all the while. Has he been talking to Aoshi, still? I look at him expectantly, but he just keeps looking on ahead. Poor guy's probably got a lot on his mind right now, so I don't push him. The last thing I need is to get into an argument with him in front of our friends.
"Oh, what about the rest of you guys?" Misao looks up and around us all now.
"I can't, but maybe at night I can come by. Got some shit to do." Megumi shrugs.
"Yahiko and I are kind of studying today so no can do." Sanosuke bends his arms behind the back of his head casually. I balk.
"You, studying?!" I start laughing. He growls at me and I smirk at him playfully, "Say, do you need any help with that?"
"God, you sound just like Soujiro here!" Sanosuke grumbles, and we all start laughing.
Soujiro's still silent between all of this though. But Misao is sure to remember him and tries to get him to join the conversation with a question, "Soujiro, do you want to come over to my place with Kenshin? We have snacks!"
"Um," He hesitates and a slight blush creeps up on his cheeks now, "I really would love to do that, Misao, but.. I can't. My father needs me home for something."
I don't get why he doesn't want to let her know that he's essentially "grounded" by his dad, but I guess maybe it's because he knows Misao is a close friend of my ex-girlfriend Kaoru. Wouldn't want to dish out his dirt with those two girls, I guess. Still, I'm a touch peeved that he would even be thinking like that. Her and Megumi (And even Yahiko's girlfriend Tsubame) have essentially unblocked us and are talking to us again, so he shouldn't be thinking the worst of them.
"Oh," Misao frowns, "Well, alrighty then. Kenshin, do you need a ride?"
"Yeah." I nod and I suddenly stop walking, "You guys can go on ahead of me, I'll catch up. Soujiro, can I talk to you for a sec?"
Soujiro stops and looks from behind his shoulder, and he frowns into my eyes. But I only nod, as if to tell him that it's okay to talk to me in private like this. He finally faces me completely and mumbles, "Um.. Okay. Sure?"
"I'll meet you at the front of the school, Kenshin!" Misao waves at me before walking on with the others.
As we watch them all disappear into another corner of the hallway, Soujiro looks at me somberly and asks me finally, "What's up?"
I cross my arms and take a few steps towards him, prompting him to take a few steps back before his back meets the wall behind him.
"Nothing. Just wondering why you just lied to Misao."
He blinks rapidly, and then scoffs, "She doesn't have to know that I'm grounded. You already embarrassed me by letting the other guys know, but I don't need her or the other girls to know what's happening."
He's not talking about Kaoru, is he? Now it's my turn to blink rapidly at his stupid reasoning.
I sneer, "There's nothing to be embarrassed about! They're your friends too! And deserve to know the truth as well!" He sighs bitterly before pushing me gently away from him so that he can walk on, but I take his shoulder to whip him back to face me again, "Soujiro, what the fuck is your problem!"
He grits his teeth before he growls, "Kenshin, enough! Please, just. Stop!"
"Stop what?" I inch my face near his, "I just want to know!"
"There is nothing to know!" He rolls his shoulder from out of my grasp, "Seriously, Kenshin, just stop. I need to go home! I have a driver out there waiting for me, and I don't want to be late, or else my dad is going to kill me!"
I sigh and shake my head, "See, that's why Misao and Megumi should know about this, too! They would want to help you!"
"I don't need their help," He grunts, his face flushing, "I just.. Please.. Don't tell them about what's happening, okay? Please. They really don't have to know."
I gape at him, utterly floored by his insistence of being this stubborn. What is wrong with him! What are Megumi and Misao going to do if they know about this? Laugh at him? As if I'd let them do that! But, as more students begin to walk past us and are whispering to each other over the tense air between us, I decide to just let it go. I grumble and shove my hands in my leather jacket pockets, "Whatever."
I hear him sigh, "Kenshin. Don't. I'll call you later."
If we were any other couple, he would have leaned over to kiss my cheek. But because we're both guys in a secret relationship, he just turns around and walks away from me. I want more than anything to stop him, to turn him back around, and kiss him in front of the entire school. But I don't move from where I stand, watching his back as he disappears from the other corner. The fists inside my pockets are trembling in anger now.
Goddammit, Soujiro..
Why?
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"Hey, Soujiro!" Misao waves me over, "If you do have time tonight, please come over! I really miss you guys a lot!"
God, just kill me.
I walk out of the school building after that little tiff with Kenshin, and I see from my side Misao lying against the exterior of the building. Waiting for him. Waiting for the love of my life to meet up with her, and play catch up, and probably even talk about past regrets. Like how much he hates himself for asking Kaoru out despite being in love with me. Like how he regretted cheating on Kaoru with me. Like how he wishes everything could just go back to the way things used to be..
The life he had before he ever met me.
I pause to look at her, before I smile at her awkwardly, "O-oh. Thank you, Miss Misao. I'll keep that in mind."
"Hm?" She blinks, and then frowns at me with worry, "Soujiro, is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I just really need to go," My bangs overshadow my eyes as I evade hers, quickly picking up the pace to start walking away from her and head towards the school's parking lot, where I will surely meet up with my driver, "See ya."
"Oh, I.." I hear Misao wanting to stop me, but couldn't quite catch me in time to do so, "Bye.. then."
I have to get out of here. I have to go back home, before my father gets too riled up. Everything in my life cannot afford to get anymore messier than it already has been. I need to take back what's left of my control in this situation. In the next several moments, I am sitting in the back of a black car with tinted windows, and my personal driver greets me with a gravely voice.
I am driven back to my place. As I watch the buildings and houses peeling past us, I rest my chin into my hand and start to think. Is Kenshin going to ask Misao for Kaoru's whereabouts? Maybe Misao doesn't feel ready to give up that kind of information just yet, for Kaoru's sake. But what if Kenshin really wants to talk to her again? I mean, I have no reason to think he's in love with her over me. But I do worry that his guilt will lead him to do things he really not ought to. Like maybe kissing her again, just for old time's sake. I gulp, my stomach feeling sour at that thought.
He wouldn't.
I grit my teeth to myself, grunting.
He wouldn't!
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Would he?
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Before I realize it, I am back home. Father is waiting for me in the living room, clicking away on his laptop meanwhile. He is always busy with work, but I'm peeved that he's decided to work from home as a way to keep his eye on me. Isn't there a meeting he should go to? Maybe another woman he can fuck around with behind his girlfriend's back? Hang out with work buddies? Literally anything else instead of annoying me here?!
"Welcome home." My father looks calm and happy despite me being just a little late. I don't respond. "Hm. Everything alright?"
"I'm just tired." I smile at him mutely after a pause, but the smile quickly fades away right after. He looks at me for a while.
"Well, then," He nods, "Up you go on to bed, then. Maybe a nap will do you well."
Maybe.
I smile at him a little wider and head on towards the stairwell. As soon as he couldn't see my face anymore, the smile is wiped away. I don't need any drama right now. Of course I'm not really tired. But I am sick of everybody's shit right now. Especially Kenshin's. I just need to be alone for a little while. Once I reach my bedroom, I go on to put on my short sleeved pajama set. Thanks to global warming, the weather has really started to warm up all of a sudden despite only being at the end of January. I'm thinking it's a weird hiccup and things should cool down again soon. I'm hoping for snow soon, too. I've always liked how it looks when the world turns blindingly white.
February is just around the corner. The one holiday that people get the most excited for that month here in Japan, is Valentine's day. While "normal" couples feel free to openly express and celebrate their love for each other, I myself have never once had an experience like that. The most I've gotten were chocolates from female friends, and maybe a couple of awkward confessions that ended up with me rejecting them and feeling awful afterwards. Never have I've had a boy confess to me, and the prior Valentine's I've had before, I would write a love letter to a male student and just didn't put my name on it. I never even had the guts to send it, either; I just tore it into pieces and hate myself for the entire day afterwards.
I really just don't know how to feel about Valentine's day. I don't know if I'll ever have a normal one.
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But maybe, I finally can have a normal one, with Kenshin?
I scoff at that thought. Yeah, right.
I lie on my bed now, fiddling with my regular phone. I don't dare text or call anyone with it anymore, and I seldom update my social media accounts on it, too. I am damn sure my dad has somehow put a tracking device or something on it, so I contended to use the other secret phone for private socializing. I know better than to do so, but I check on Kenshin's Facebook page. I'm just curious as to what's he's up to while he's with Misao, that's all. My stomach drops when I see he has made a short update on his timeline with a post that reads: I never knew how hard it can be sometimes when you're in love.
My heart trembles painfully at that. I re-read it over and over again. What the hell does he mean by that? What do you mean that things are hard when you're in love? I can feel my anger rising as well as my anxiety. I want to respond to that post, but I decide against it. I can't. I can't let my father see what activities I'm doing on this phone. Instead, I click out of the app and use my other phone to text Kenshin.
I type the following to his number and read it to check for any errors: What exactly do you mean by "I never knew how hard it can be sometimes when you're in love"? Am I hard to be with now, all of a sudden? Are you having doubts about us?
My finger hovers over to the red "send" button, but then I stop myself. What am I doing? Am I just looking for any reason to start an argument with him? I can't just go around accusing him of things that aren't true. I don't think that's fair for either of us. But I'm still nervous and I don't know why! This post of his is just making it worse, as well.
I erase my message and decide to send him this instead: I saw your Facebook post. Please call me later on today when you're not busy. I love you.
I hit send and sigh. I think that sounds a lot better. I am still a little peeved by that post, but maybe he didn't mean it like that. I'm guessing I was a bit too hard on him in the hallways today after school, and he took it to heart. He really went out of his way today to make sure I am sexually satisfied despite potentially getting in trouble with the school teachers; I should be thankful for that, at the very least.
I slump myself over my bed, debating whether I really should take a nap or not. Suddenly, my secret phone starts to vibrate, surprising me in the process. My heart starts to leap out of my chest. Is it Kenshin? Is he calling me now? I look at the screen and see that it's actually Sanosuke. I blink, and hit the button to accept the call.
"Hello?"
"Hey," Sano's voice sounds hurried, "Listen. We just got word on who it was that tried to hurt herself today."
".. Okay?"
"It's one of Shishio's victims."
That got my attention.
"Wait, really?" I sit all the way back up again, "Are you sure?"
"I'm dead positive it's her. Her name's Raikōji Chizuru."
"Is she his ex or something?" I blink with a frown.
"Nah, I don't think so. But maybe I'm wrong. I got the news from a classmate of her's on Facebook today when I posted in the school's page about what happened."
"Sano, this is great! Now we have someone to testify against Shishio!"
"That's not all. That guy you hang around with sometimes, Eibin Tamono, also managed to finally get a hold of Shishio's second victim. This girl lives outside of Kyoto, but she's willing to at least talk to us all whenever we have the time, maybe in one of those online conference calls or whatever."
"Yeah, that's great! What's her name, do you know?"
"That one's Shura. Never met her before, but she used to go to our school before her parents moved her away a couple of years back. It's sick to know that she was quite young when Shishio basically raped her, that son of a bitch."
"Yeah," I grimace, "That is fucking disgusting."
"And.. are you doing alright? How are you holding up?"
I sigh, "Still under house arrest, but you already knew that. I wish I could just get out of here."
"I hear you. Is there any way we can sneak you out?"
"I can't," I shake my head somberly, "My dad's here. There's other people here, too. They would definitely catch me in the act of trying to escape. It's hopeless right now."
"Man, that's rough."
"Yeah.."
Silence.
"Soujiro," He sounds more determined now, "Don't you worry. I know it's hard now, but we'll figure something out."
I laugh, "You know, Kenshin said the very same thing. I have no doubt you all will help me out of this jam."
He chuckles, "Of course. What are friends for?"
Friends.
I hesitate, "Sano.. I really don't deserve your friendship after everything I've done to you all."
"Yeah, well," He sniffs, "That, you can definitely owe us by staying with us for the rest of your life. That's how you'll pay back your debts. How about that?"
I laugh, "Yeah. That's a deal."
He chuckles, "You bet. I should go, gotta study up. But definitely hit me up whenever you're bored."
I laugh.
"Okay. I will. Talk later, Sano." I hang up and sigh contently. Talking to Sanosuke always makes me feel calmer, honestly. I can see why Kenshin designated him as his best friend for all these years now. He just has that special something that makes you feel like everything is going to be okay. I'm glad we got the names of those two girls, though. This is awesome news. I'm sure this will make Kenshin very happy to know, too. I look at my phone again, and re-read my text. He hasn't responded yet. Since this is an older model, it doesn't have the option to let you know if the other recipient has read it yet. I don't know if people back then are lived much saner lives because of that, or not. I deflate.
You know something? Maybe a nap would do me well. I turn off my light, the room now taking on a slightly darker, softer lavender tone thanks to the window blinds and curtains. I put both phones on their respective chargers, and lie my head on my pillow.
I really hope Kenshin doesn't do anything stupid.
Really.
I don't.
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[Meanwhile.]
I'm at Misao's place right now. Just like she mentioned before, her mom's not there. Misao had asked me on the ride here as to why I was so quiet and sullen, but I sorta shrugged it off and told her it's just stress from school. She doesn't seem to buy it, but thankfully didn't pushed me for more details. She did mentioned that she tried to talk to Soujiro but that he seemed to be in a hurry to get back home. Which was weird in her books. I didn't say anything about that. I really don't want to think about him right now.
She is in the kitchen now trying to warm up some after school snacks for us. I sit in the living room, fiddling with my phone in boredom. I look through my Facebook app and just scrolling through different profiles absentmindedly. Sanosuke and Yahiko seem to be offline at the moment, and so does Megumi. So they really are that busy today. I sigh. I guess maybe they are suddenly are all taking their futures seriously. I still wonder what our lives after high school ends would look like, and how we will all stay here in Kyoto just like we have always planned.
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I know I said that I don't want to think about Soujiro right now.
But..
I look at Soujiro's page out of habit and see that he's offline, too. I grumble. Why does this relationship feel so hard sometimes? I thought he loves me, but it seems like he's becoming so agitated these days around me. I know it hasn't been a year since we've met, but is the honeymoon phase between us over already or something? Why does he act so insistent at keeping me at a distance with him again? I don't know why, but I'm going to make a post. I always like leaving shit behind my page whenever I get into a bad mood; I'd rather just write something than just saying shit out loud and then regretting it afterwards.
I open the function to create a new post and write the following: I never knew how hard it can be sometimes when you're in love.
There we go. Maybe he'll fucking read it.
Send post.
Boom.
I exhale, unaware that I have been holding my breath this entire time.
Now I feel better.
Misao pops into the living room with our snacks and she gushes, "Guess what, I think Aoshi will swing by today after all!"
"Huh? When?"
"He says he'll be here in an hour or so, he's finishing up work early, which is awesome!" She squeals, "We can maybe smoke a bowl together, if you like!"
"Where did you get.." I sigh suddenly, "Yahiko."
She laughs, "Who else?"
I smile at her, "Yeah. Let's do it."
Almost as if my body knew, my head suddenly implodes on itself. My face is radiating with heat and pain now, and I groan painfully and take my face into my head. Misao gasps and hurries over to my side, "Kenshin?!"
I groan in pain, "Arrgh, ow!"
"What's wrong?" She whispers, holding onto my head gently with her hands, "Is it from the surgery?"
"Y-yeah," I grunt, leaning against her neck now, "I.. pushed myself a bit too hard at gym today."
"Oh, Kenshin," She sighs, "I don't think you coming back at school this week was a good idea."
You think?
"I just.. wanted to see you all again," I sigh, "God, this fucking hurts."
"Did they gave you prescription medicine?"
"Yeah. I left it at home by accident."
"Oh, you doofus!" She whines, "That's fine. This weed will take care of the pain. Let's just go into my room, at least!"
I let her help me haul myself off of her couch and she has her arm around my waist to keep me steady as we walk into her bedroom. I'm guessing her mom made her do it, but the room is, for once, clean and organized. She helps me into her bed before searching for the materials to start our smoking session. My head is throbbing all the while, and I hiss in pain. Guess it really was a dumb move to think I could survive the entire day without my prescription meds, but I just hate having to carry unnecessary shit around.
Her rabbit is sound asleep, a mound of pure white fur just snoozing away in the corner of its cage.
We begin our smoking session. The weed is pretty top tier, if I say so myself. Soon the pain starts to lessen and I am able to finally just relax. Misao has put on some chill music and starts fucking around on her phone, probably texting Aoshi or something. I just lie on her bed, looking up at the ceiling, thinking about the blue eyed nympho that I'm in love with. I smirk. Nympho. God, that sex today blew everything else out of the water. It was even more pleasurable than the pot right now.
"So, what's up with you two today?" Misao suddenly asks.
"Huh?" I answer sleepily.
"You and Soujiro, I mean. He literally ran away from me when I told him he can swing by here. What's up with that?"
"Oh. Uh. Well, the thing is.."
I look at her and she stares back at me, eyebrow cocked up.
"He's.. grounded." I smile sheepishly at her. Fuck Soujiro's little secretive crap, I'm done with the lies. She gapes at me in shock.
"No way!" She breathes, "Seriously?"
"Dead ass. His dad's a real tyrant."
"What should we do?" She puts her phone down and looks more alert now. I sigh.
"Nothing. He wants us to do nothing." I glare at nothing in particular.
"Huh?!" She looks dumb as hell right now, "But why not? Wouldn't he want to escape from that hellhole?"
"There's too many people at his house right now," I shake my head, "His dad would probably call the cops on us and everything."
"Ugh, that prick," She bites her nail while glaring at her side, "This is so unfair!"
"Tell me about it. All I want is to have him here with us."
She looks at me with concern in her eyes, unsure of how to respond anymore. The room is quiet with our contemplation of what will be for all of us; will I really lose Soujiro by this summer? I never even told her or the other girls about that moving part yet. What can I do to prevent that from happening? Does Soujiro even want to stay? With the way he's been combative of me, it is starting to get to me. Is he having doubts about us these days? At that thought, I deflate further.
"Kenshin.." I hear Misao whispering, "Are you okay?"
I am quiet for a moment, just watching her, before I shake my head, "Not really."
Her eyebrows jump up and she wastes no time coming over to her bed to sit on the edge of it, just to get close to me, "What's wrong? Are you and Soujiro not doing well?"
Damn. Is it really that obvious to everyone else?
I shrug, "I don't know what's up with him. It's like.. It's like we're back in the same shit when we first met. Or more like, when I was trying to get into a relationship with him the first time, but he wouldn't have it."
Her eyes waver, "Kenshin.."
"It's like there's this," I separate my hands away from each other for emphasis, "Distance between us now, or something. And I can't help but think maybe it's because of what I told him back at the hospital."
"What do you mean?" She is now placing her hand on top of one of my hands to show support.
"I don't know. I asked him if you and Megumi and Kaoru are still pissed at us for what we did. And he said that you were crushed about my broken face," I smirk, "And even Megumi seemed more or less remorseful when she heard the news about my surgery. But he mentioned nothing about Kaoru at all, and when I tried to change the subject, he accused me of still thinking about her."
Silence.
"Well.." She tilts her head to the side, "Are you?"
I look at her fixedly, and now it's my turn to not know how to respond. Have I've really been thinking about Kaoru a little too much these days? I mean, I guess I can't help it, since she's the one who had to deal with the biggest blow back of us all; she had to face the humiliation of being the girl who got cheated on by me with not just any other girl, but with another guy. It also doesn't help that her feelings towards me felt obvious to the rest of the gang when we were just friends for all of these years.. All so she just gets cheated on right on the first night of us going out. I wouldn't be shocked or surprised if she feels so embarrassed being around the gang after that ugly episode, that she felt the need to pack up and move away from us.
"I don't know.." I reply back quietly, unsure of myself.
She sighs, "Kenshin.. Do you want to talk to her yourself?"
Should I do it? It would really help all of us move on completely if I can give Kaoru that apology that she deserves. Even if she doesn't forgive me right now, it'll at least help give her closure. She deserves that much, at least. At the same time, though, this could end up making things worse between me and Soujiro. I have to wonder if maybe he's feeling a little jealous of the fact that she more or less asked me out first before he did. I can understand from his point of view, but it still doesn't make this feel as cut and dry as I would like.
Still.. I can't afford to fuck things up between us right now. And so, I sigh, "No. I don't think that's a good idea right now."
"Well," She tucks some hair behind her ear, "I will have you know that she's doing quite well where she's at, right now."
"Really?" I smile, relieved, "That's good to hear."
She nods with a smile, "Yeah."
"You guys talk often?"
"Oh yeah," She nods and frowns at nothing in particular, "She let her grades slip a little right after the break up, but she's trying to play catch up now with her teachers, so all hope is not lost. She's thinking of applying to colleges where she's at right now."
"Oh.." My brows knitted, "So she won't.. go to any colleges around here in Kyoto where we're at?"
She purses her lips and shakes her head negatively. Damn. She really is taking it that badly, huh? Not even just to visit us during the summer or anything? She really just wants to move on from us completely. Fuck, this is bad. I really did fucked up her life majorly with my choices. As much as a part of me wants to let Misao give me the contact details or some way to visit Kaoru right now.. I hold myself back. It wouldn't be fair to Soujiro right now, when he's all cooped up in his own prison back home.
"I think she'll be okay," She now combs my bangs away from my eyes, "Kenshin. It's just really hard for her to look at you and know she will never have you back that way. She really, really liked you. This break up really broke her heart. All she wants to do right now.. is just move on with her life. You understand that, right?"
I evade her eyes, gulping. It really sucks that I can't fix this, after all. If I try to do so, I'll only make everything worse for everybody involved. I finally nod, accepting the shit for what it is.
I fucked up.
And there's no way out of it.
We hear the front door knocking, and Misao stands up from the bed and takes another hit of her joint, "That must be Aoshi. Wait here."
I don't respond and let her walk out. As soon as she leaves the room, I feel a vibration in my jeans. I blink, retrieving what was doing it, and I see it's from my phone. A text message. From Soujiro.
I saw your Facebook post. Please call me later on today when you're not busy. I love you.
Just like that, my entire body swells with warm feelings. I smile, reading it again and again. He really read that post and decided to just be sweet about it instead of fighting with me. I guess maybe I don't have anything to worry about, after all. Maybe things between us are good, and maybe I'm just thinking shit up that isn't true. We are going to be okay.
I text him back: I will. I love you too.
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I wake up from my much needed nap, and see that I have a new message on my secret phone. My stomach drops, retrieving it from the charger so that I can read it. All it reads is that he will, and that he loves me. I soften all over, smiling and blushing. It feels like such a relief to have that confirmation that he still loves me despite our little fight at school today. I really need to stop being so worked up around him. Maybe my anxiety over Kaoru is unfounded and probably displaced. I should be targeting this type of anger and frustration out on the person who does deserve it instead of Kenshin: My father.
I hide my secret phone and put it on silent. I head downstairs to get ready for dinner. It was a quiet meal between my father and I, and he didn't even bothered to ask how school was or anything. Which, maybe it's a good thing, honestly. I really don't want to talk to him right now. I just want to get through this week in one piece. I'm nervous about Friday evening, when I have to bring Kenshin in here to meet him.
I'm especially worried about Wednesday, when I have to meet my supposed "future bride". I wonder what kind of girl this is that I have to marry in the near future. She could be anyone, really. Maybe she's from an equally affluent family? Father is sure to only mingle with those who are the same social class as we are, so it would make sense. But what kind of eighteen year old girl is anxious to get married as soon as possible? Usually, it's not her, but her messed up conservative family who wants to get rid of her for a dowry or something to that effect. Most girls at that age just wants to have nice, fun relationships with guys.
I gulp my food.
I really hope this week isn't too stressful for me.
After dinner, I catch up on some homework and studying. It was maybe an hour or so into this, that my secret phone started ringing. My stomach drops, for I know only too well who could be calling me right now. As soon as I see his name on the little screen of that phone, my heart starts to sing.
"Kenshin." Is all I could say with a smile on my face.
I can hear him smirk on the other line, "Hey."
"I, um," I blush, "I saw.. what you wrote."
He is quiet for a few moments. I fiddle on a button of my shirt, wincing.
"Kenshin..?"
"You do realize how much I love you. Right?"
My heart drops. I don't like where this is going for some reason.
"Y-yeah?"
He sighs, "Then please. Just stop keeping me at arm's length. No more. Alright? This sucks when I can't even properly see you whenever I want."
I gulp, nodding, "Okay.."
"And just so we're clear also," He has a coughing fit for a bit before continuing, "Misao brought up how weird you are around her today and I don't appreciate that either."
My eyes widen. This is the most emotionally open and honest I've ever heard from Kenshin so far. I actually kind of like it.
I chuckle, "I'm sorry. I just.. felt nervous about my dad and how mad he'll get if I hung around school for too long."
Silence.
"Yeah. I get it."
"Kenshin.. you sound funny."
"I'm high as a kite, that's why."
I laugh harder, "Wait, really?!"
"Yeahhh, this weed is nice. Wish you were here to enjoy it with me."
"Then we'll make that a date."
"No. You should come over. Right now."
"Kenshin.." I sigh, "You know I can't."
"Fine. How about later on tonight?"
"Kenshin..?"
"I'll be at your place when everyone's asleep. All you have to do is sneak out for a moment. Can you do that?"
My heart trembles at his insistence of seeing me despite the obstacles. He really is in love with me.
"You're so.. amazing," I exhale, "Yeah. I'll meet you tonight."
"How about at 22:00 tonight?"
"Make that 23:00, just so I'm sure Dickwad is asleep."
He laughs, "Fine. I can wait."
"Uuugh, Kenshin," I hop onto my bed and start kicking my legs like a little kid, "You are too much for words, do you realize that?"
"Look who's talking."
I laugh, "I hope that's meant to be a compliment!"
He's quiet for a moment before replying, "It is. You're breathtaking."
I blush deeper, "Are you going to make love to me tonight or something?"
"Do you want that?"
I bite my lower lip, "I want to.. but.. I'm scared we'll get caught."
"No we won't. We'll be okay. Promise."
I sigh, "Alright. If you say so."
"Aoshi wants to talk to me so I gotta go."
"Alright. Tell him I said hi."
"Will do. Bye, hun."
"Bye.." I hang up and clutch the phone in my hand lovingly, as if giving that redhead a hug in spirit. I don't even want to know how red my face is right now. He's really acting different right now.. in a really good way. I really don't have anything to worry about after all. I'll be fine. We'll be fine. We'll make it.
Kenshin..
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[10:55 PM]
I talked to Aoshi, just as I had told Soujiro on the phone. He mentioned something about how he might be able to work with Arai Shakku to see if there's more dirt he can get on Soujiro's dad, which would really help us catch this motherfucker's crimes once and for all. Although Aoshi and I have never told Misao that he is personally connected to Soujiro's family, the fact that Aoshi works in IT and cybersecurity seems to blind her for a moment on how cool it is that she has such a "smarty pants" boyfriend. I gotta admit it, but I am glad I have a couple of dorks for friends right now.
We spent time together before Aoshi agrees to give me a ride to Soujiro's place. He dropped me off nearby about less than ten minutes before I was supposed to meet up with Soujiro, around a street corner, and tells me to be careful. I told him thanks, and that I'll call if there's any emergency. He drives off, leaving me on that street corner alone. It's gotten pretty nippy, but thankfully I've come prepared with my coat and beanie hat on. I keep checking the time on my phone, as well as any text messages from Soujiro for the bat signal.
The things we do for love, huh?
I keep pacing back and forth around that lonesome, dark street, the air white as I keep breathing in and out. I can't wait for there to be snow here in Kyoto. It's nice to see the world plunge into white, and I'm getting sick of this global warming shit. At just five minutes before the meeting time, Soujiro finally texts me.
My dad is asleep.
How do you know that?
He takes sleeping medication. It works in like ten minutes flat.
Oh. Insomniac much?
lol who knows
Alright. Give me five minutes.
K. I'll turn off the gate locks so you can just slip in.
And no one else is awake, right?
I'll check while you walk up, ok?
Cool
I finally walk up to the gates that leads to the mansion. Crazy to think that this was the place I loved going to most, once upon a time. Now that Soujiro's grounded by that fuckass, it feels like it's been too long since I've stayed over here. We used to have sleepovers together here. We used to held onto each other in his bed, after intense sessions of sex. My heart starts to race at the thought of being able to have him in that way again. I know we already had sex today, but I can't get enough of him.
Come on, Soujiro.. hurry up.
Vrr vrr!
I check my phone to read his message: The coast is clear. I've turned off the gate lock and security cameras. Come in.
Fuck.
I am nearly salivating as I enter through the gate and close it behind me. I walk up to that long pathway, up towards that looming hill where that ginormous mansion sits on. The night is pitch black, and the only thing illuminating my path is the full moon and all the stars above me. Soujiro managed to turn on the small lamp light next to the front door so that I am better able to see. I start to do a light jog to rush up to that door, and at that moment, it opens, leaving me nearly out of breath at what I am witnessing: Soujiro Seta, in his white and red checkered pajama bottoms, tawny pajama top, and white fuzzy socks to keep himself warm. An otherwise dorky attire, and yet, with his gentle blue eyes and sheepish smile.. he looks just absolutely endearing.
"Ken—" He couldn't get one word in without me immediately attacking him with my mouth over his, and he doesn't fight back. He simply wraps his arms around my neck, moaning into the kiss. He must miss me so much ever since our little spat in the hallways today. I just need to feel his warmth and taste that tongue of his. I just need to make him feel good so that he can forget about that fight for now.
"Let's," He is breathing in between me sucking on his lower lip now, "Let's go.. upstairs.. Kenshin.."
I nod, and he takes my hand and forcefully make me follow him, carefully closing the front door behind us as quietly as possible. He keeps his grip around my wrist hard as he drags me towards through the living room, up towards the rotating stairwell, and down the hallways where his bedroom lurks.. I feel dizzy already with lust clouding my head, loving this aggressive side of Soujiro.
He closes his bedroom door and locks it silently, and I stand near his bed patiently. He slowly turns around and faces me, his face already flushed. My cock twitches at the sight of that, a groan erupting from under my breath as he walks towards me unhurriedly. I suppose this is the one way that we communicate the best in; physical and sexual intimacy. We could fight, yell at each other, ignore each other, or say sweet nothings into each others' ears. He could be all rainbows and butterflies, and I a dark corner of the world where all hope goes to die. But if there's one thing that keeps us coming back to each other for more, it's definitely within the realm of sensuality.
And I love that about us.
Once he's standing in front of me, I can see his heady stare and those sweet lips much closer. I could never describe his beauty well enough and give it the justice it deserves. How can something like this be so beautiful, and yet also be something that could send us both to hell? How could a love like this make some people out there feel sick to their stomach at the very sight of it? I am deliberate and measured in my hand as it moves to cup the side of his face gently, leaning in to once again kiss him.
We start making out, inching our way closer to the bed before I more or less swing us on top of it, and he giggles into my lips as I do so. I sigh contently against his lips, ravishing the sound of his laughter. I know I'm doing something incredibly risky here, but I just can't seem to stay away from him. I'll take any and all perils if it means I can seek rapture in his kiss.
Soon, I am taking off his clothes for him, and he is quiet during all of this. Once he is in the nude, I lean in to start my usual suckling of his neck, when he stops me with his fingers against my lips. I look at him. He looks back. I can see the concern in his eyes now.
"We shouldn't be doing this." He whispers.
I can still make the outlines of his features. Those beautiful lips that beckons me to abandon all caution to the wind.
"I know." I whisper back. He is stunned.
He takes in a sharp breath, and I can feel his hand roaming down my stomach and towards my erection, "Kenshin.. Tell me to stop."
I groan, "I won't."
Before he can protest further, I start to gnaw on the side of neck, earning him a helpless groan of pleasure. He starts to rub my hardening sex more, and I let my mouth travel down to feast on his sensitive nipple. He shivers and grunts as soon as he feels my hot breath over the pinkish nub that is his nipple, and then a shaky cry when my tongue starts sliding over it. All the while, I am unbuckling my belt so that he can have easier access to start touching my cock. As soon as I feel his hand touching my skin there, I moan in a low tone, my other hand pulling down my jeans.
I have got to get inside of him as soon as possible, I swear..!
I lean back to start taking off my own clothes. It's already getting way too warm in here. Soujiro watches me, that same concerned expression still imprinted on his face. Once I am fully naked as well, I inch closer to him, my eyes not leaving his face.
"What if we get caught?" He bites his lower lip. He shouldn't have done that.
"I don't care." Is all I could answer before I slide my tongue deep into his mouth.
He arches his back on instinct, running his hands through my hair. Our flesh meets each other in harmony, our cocks already trying to take a stab at each other with my rhythmic humping against him. He takes a fistful of my hair in a fit of passion before breaking the kiss to start gnawing on my earlobe. I chuckle, eyes squinting. It kind of tickles, but I let him do it. All the while, I press my forehead against his shoulder, inhaling his sweet scent. That cologne that made me so angry and confused when I first met him.. now the one thing that will surely be the death of me.
All it took was feeling his hot tongue against my ear and suddenly I couldn't take it anymore. I lean back with a growl and grab him by the shoulders to pull him up to a sitting position, before hovering my lips near his own ear now, "Turn around and lean over the edge of the bed. Now."
He grunts, helplessly in love with my arousal state, and does exactly what he is told. He gets off the bed to face it and leans right over the edge of it, and I follow him along to crouch right behind his ass. I grab one leg of his to angle it upwards, to grant me easier access to his hole. All the while, I can hear his breath starting to quicken and become more shallow by the second. He knows exactly where this is going. I finally slant my body over his back to start kissing behind his neck, wanting to savor his skin first.
"Ngh.." He grunts, his body flinching at this contact. I smirk.
"What's this? You act like I've never kissed you before."
He chuckles airily, "You.. dickhead."
I laugh quietly before I continue to trail my kisses from the back of his neck, to his shoulder blade, and down his spine. He's writhing and moaning as I do this, his hips bucking against his mattress all the while. I am down to his tailbone until he sighs in pleasure, his voice the softest I've ever heard when he finally breathes out my name. Once my lips meets the beginning of between those cheeks, my tongue protrudes out to begin licking him, prompting him to exhale a delightful moan. With his one leg still angling over the bed, my tongue goes down lower until I meet the hole. I begin to eat him out there, letting the tip of my tongue circle around the hole.
"Ken.. Shin-aaahhh!" He suspires, his body now twitching the more I keep tonguing around and poking inside of his hole, "Mmh!"
I continue to eat him out, and he carries through with his flinching and groaning against the mattress. I alternate between sticking my tongue inside of his hole, to kissing it, and finally going all the way in to suck on it, making Soujiro bite into his bed to snuff out his moans of pleasure. A few maddening minutes of this goes by, and I lean back to submerge my finger into my mouth. I go back to eating him out, ploddingly placing my finger into his hole from underneath my tongue.
"Arrgh..!" He whines with unrestraint, "Ugh ngh!"
I begin to finger him with abandon, sticking my tongue in there to jab it at the same time as my finger keeps banging him. I start to rub my finger upwards and downwards, just so the feeling can vibrate through all sides inside of his body. He sounds like he's ready to start crying from the sheer pleasure of it all. I'm starting to almost feel sorry for him with the way he keeps moving on the bed and trying to stay quiet. This must feel absolutely amazing for him. I groan at the back of my throat at that thought, happy that I could give him this much pleasure. I love pleasing him like this. I could do this for the rest of my life if I have to.
"P.. please..!" I hear him. I smirk, leaning back.
"Had enough?"
He is panting now, looking down from his shoulder. The skin on his face appears more flushed and damper than before, "I want.. I want.."
I retrieve my finger out of his hole now. I think he's wet enough. But he has other plans; before I could react, he slumps down onto his carpet and turns around to start sucking on my cock, catching me by surprise. I bite down my lower lip to quiet down my own moans of pleasure as he starts licking my dick from all sides. He is deep throating me and, if he had placed any teeth on it, he would surely bite it off from the sheer force of this. It's exactly what you would expect when somebody tells someone else to quite literally eat a dick.
Once he's satisfied with how wet my cock is, he resumes the previous position, looking back at me with anticipation. Can't let the audience wait for too long. I move towards him and grab the base of my dick to aim towards his hole, and he relaxes his body on command. I push in and he takes in a silent sharp breath in and, once I'm all the way in, breathes out with a high pitch gasp. God, he's so tight! I bite my lower lip again and start thrusting into him, happy that the bed is so goddamn heavy and well installed that it doesn't shift or make any sounds from the fucking.
He's back to biting on the mattress again. Even though these walls are soundproof, we don't want to take any chances. It's better to just try and be as quiet as we possibly can. The fact that I'm here in the first place is a serious offense against his father. Not that I care, of course. But he does, and I want to make him happy and feel safe while I'm here. I continue to slam into him, relishing the hot, tight, wetness of his hole that lights the rest of me on fire.
I slide my hand down his back which has a sheet of perspiration on it now. His skin gleams from the windows that illuminates the room with moonlight. I let my head roll back and sigh, ravishing this feeling. The hand of Soujiro that has been grasping the edge of his mattress ever since I've been eating him out, now trembles from my peripheral vision, catching my attention. I chuckle to myself. I can feel it. He's cumming.
"Are you cumming?" I whisper, tilting my hips back to take my cock all the way out of his hole before plunging into him in one forceful shove.
"Arrgh..!" He bites on the blanket between his teeth, his body twitching once again in pleasure.
I continue to fuck him without a care now, letting myself go harder and faster with every passing second. Soujiro can barely hold on to the mattress as I am fucking him like the wanton slut that he is, and I can see his eyes rolling back in exhilaration. I grab a hold of his hips to haul him back onto the bed completely before spreading his legs apart. I continue to slam my hips into him, and he's now making sounds that I've never heard from him before. Is he in pain or is he in heaven? I don't ask and just continue to fuck him harder and harder. I know I can't have him leave any evidence behind, so I once again maneuver us back into the original position, making sure his own cock is aiming towards the floor.
It took another minute or so of me nearly breaking him in half, but he finally cums, some of it splattering near my ankle. I exhale, grinning. Fuck. He is now reduced to a pile of a puddle, shaking all over. It took a few more thrusts from me, but I too also cum, biting down my fist as I do so to quiet myself. God, this hole is the best I've ever fucked in my entire life. I groan as the last of my cum shoots out of me and into him, letting my hips buckle into him absentmindedly. We try to catch our breaths, both of our faces and bodies wet with sweat.
Another amazing fuck fest. Two in one day. He has to be even more in love with me now.
I slide out of him carefully, and he looks behind me, "Let's wash ourselves."
I shake my head, "I'll clean myself in your sink. No showers."
He sits up straight on the edge of his bed now, looking at me with a strange sadness in his eyes. I smile and cup the side of his face gently with my hand, and he takes a hold of it with his own hand, eyes fluttering to close them.
"Don't go." He mumbles.
"I can only wish I could stay," I close my eyes, "Soujiro."
We're quiet for a few moments. This is always the worst part. Having to separate, and not really knowing when's the next time it'll be safe enough to hold each other, kiss each other, or make love to each other again. But he knows better than to beg me to stay here. And I know better than to keep being here also. Despite my heart screaming at me to just climb into his bed and wrap my arms around him for the rest of the night.
We have an illicit relationship.
It's only natural that I have to go.
He gulps, nodding. We help each other clean up silently. I put him back into bed and kiss his forehead. He still looks at me with that quiet pleading, desperation in his eyes. Those blue eyes that the skies above could only dream of competing against. The room is still so dark and it's getting so late. I don't think I could awake in time for school in the morning, but I'd rather be very tired and see this beautiful face again, than to stay home and be away from him for another minute.
"Thank you for visiting me." He touches my face with a smile.
"I hope that the fact that I stuck my neck out for you twice in one day, shows what lengths I'll go to for you. Soujiro.." I sigh.
He nods, "I see that now."
"And don't worry. I'll be here again on Friday, just as I promised. So that I.." I lean in, his eyelids descending the closer I come near him, ".. Can make your father. Absolutely. Fucking. Angry."
He sighs in time as I begin kissing him. I open my mouth to slide my tongue out to probe his lips open, and he does so, along with his tongue that comes out to start wrestling with my own in mid-air. Peppermint. Fresh laundry and soap. A haunting note of sea breeze. And a hint of amber, just along the trace of his chin. Everything about him lights all my senses on fire. He moans sensually at this tongue wrestle, sending a shiver done my spine. No. We can't. Even if I'd love to fuck him again, I have to retreat to where I belong.
Back home.
"Goodnight." Is all I can muster before I separate from him, trying to evade those beautiful, somber blue eyes.
(To be continued.)