NOTES:
If you want a better-formated version of this story,
some of the chapters of which will contain pictures and illustrations of certain scenes,
head over to Archive of Our Own!
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The Imperial Gladiator Tournament
Chapter Summary
Ratchet and Clank arrive on Achilles Minor to compete in their traditional competitions for honor. However things quickly go south as they find this planet is not only under Tachyon's control, but the competitions for honor have been converted into brutal execution grounds where criminals slaughter one another for the amusement of imperials.
Fortunately, they run into an old 'friend' who just MIGHT be able to help them plot an escape while still acquiring the bolts Ratchet needs for Rivet's gift...
"You've been kinda quiet pal. Something botherin' ya?"
The planet Achilles Minor was in-sight – a small, redd-ish planet, half in darkness, with blotches of amber light, and around which floated several moons. In the vast unknowable distance was a much larger mass – undoubtedly Achilles Major.
Ratchet and Clank had left the Phoenix some fifteen minutes prior, and Clank, despite having spent much of the past half-hour trying to understand Ratchet and then persuade him not to go through with his plan, had fallen unusually quiet. He appeared, to Ratchet, to be thinking hard about something.
"It is just… I cannot help thinking about what Skidd said about the colosseum tournaments… 'Hosted'… past-tense, Ratchet. We did not pause to consider the possibility this planet will be under Tachyon's control."
"Pfft, no way." Ratchet began, "That infopost Skidd read woulda made it clear if the tournaments had been cancelled due to an invasion."
"You say that, and yet Skidd clearly read something in that information that concerned him. Remember his reaction after he learned what we were doing?"
Ratchet thought for a moment, their starfighter entering the Achilles Minor atmosphere. No warnings appeared on the console, and the Lombax relaxed a little.
"You worry too much, buddy; We'd have half the planet after us by now if it was under imperial control."
Ratchet took the ship lower, following the coordinates Skidd had sent them.
"Hey, bet'cha that's it!" said Ratchet, pointing to a set of beams of light, which moved slowly back and forth.
Indeed, after a few more moments it came into clear sight - a large, contemporary-style colosseum on which were monitors displaying already on-going battles.
"I suppose we really are about to do this then… Very well, there is a landing bay on the backside of the colosseum."
Ratchet guided their vessel in the direction Clank indicated, taking them in slow and steady to land in the vast starship bay – the doors of which opened automatically for them before shutting of their own accord.
Ratchet unbuckled and leapt out of his seat, eager to hurry and sign up. Clank however stalled him for a moment.
"Ratchet, before we get off this ship, I must ask you to put this on."
Clank took from inside his chassis a set of glasses – hot-pink in color, with a fake nose and purple mustache, with long, brown eyelashes; the exact same set that Qwark had given Ratchet so he could compete in Tachyon's Imperial Fight Festival when he was eighteen.
"You… carried that thing with you for seven years?"
"As ridiculous as it is, yes. Qwark may be a bumbling fool, but this ludicrous 'disguise' of his actually worked on Tachyon and his troops – as I am sure you remember. Please, put on the glasses."
Ratchet stared at the diminutive robot.
"You're not serious." He said, after a moment of stunned silence.
"Yes, I am. No matter your assurances, I cannot agree or compromise on this. We do not know that this planet is not under imperial control. We thought the radio tower on Theandris was free of imperials once we cleared that construction site, remember? And no, I refuse to open this door until you comply."
Ratchet felt a spark of frustration at Clank's over-precautious actions. They had just flown a B-62 starfighter into the docking bay; if there were soldiers, they'd have shot them down long before they even got close to the starship bay. But he knew that Clank was only doing it out of concern for his safety.
Ratchet sighed.
"Will it make you feel better if I put 'em on?"
"Yes."
"You gonna laugh at me if I do?"
"No promises."
The Lombax scowled at him for a moment, but knew there was nothing to gain from arguing; Clank could be very stubborn sometimes… undoubtedly a skill he picked up from hanging around with the Lombax so much. There was also the fact that the longer they delayed, the less chances they had of getting to the arena while there were still enough opponents to net the duo two hundred and sixty-four thousand bolts.
"Okay, fine. You win." Ratchet said gruffly.
He snatched the silly glasses from Clank's hand and threw them on, the arms of the glasses swinging up of their own accord to fasten themselves over his large, pointed ears. His nose tickled as the fibers of the false mustache brushed against it.
"I feel absurd."
"On the contrary you look rather dashing, 'Señor Mustachio Furioso'." Clank said jokingly, bowing the Lombax out of the cockpit as the locks released.
"Right… But mark my words, this disguise'll just end up getting toasted during the fights; totally useless. Dunno why you held onto it for all these years…"
Clank leapt onto Ratchet's back as the Lombax reached up to press the button that would open the door.
The ship opened wide, and Ratchet was instantly greeted by ten blasters pointed directly into his face at point-blank range, Heralds glaring down at him.
"Oh, uhhhhh… Heya fellas!" Ratchet said, a weak, nervous grin on his face and raising a hand to chest height in greeting.
"So… what was that you were saying about those glasses, Ratch?" Clank asked, sounding somewhere between smug and worried.
"We got us a treat here, brothers! An Alliance Rebel has come to join the others in a display for His Greatness!" growled one of the Herald to the amusement of the others..
"You're coming with us, furball. Hands up and away from your lunchbox!"
"'Lunchbox?!'" Ratchet repeated indignantly, his temper flaring. How dare they call Clank something so offensive! But Clank stalled him before he could do or say anything else.
"No, Ratchet! Do not rise to their bait! Just follow." He hissed into Ratchet's ear.
They were led into the main structure, which bore the appearance of a concession area in a sports stadium – snack bars, souvenirs on carts bearing Tachyon's imperial insignia, and dozens upon dozens of spectators – some fearful looking, others seemingly excited and relaxed despite the number of armed Heralds patrolling the halls.
"(Gotta be imperial sympathizers…)", Ratchet said silently to himself, another spark of anger flaring inside him at the thought.
They were taken through the crowd and up a set of stairs that twisted and turned, climbing higher and higher. At last, they reached a shiny, metallic door, and Ratchet felt a trickle of foreboding. Was Tachyon behind this barrier of raritanium-reinforced steel?
The door slid open, and Ratchet swore as he and Clank were shoved hard over the threshold, falling hard to the floor with a thud.
"Rebel scum, boss; very eager to serve as prime entertainment for His Greatness this evening! They just walked right in of their own accord! We'll leave them with you; make 'em beg for mercy."
"RAT—I mean, very good citizen – I'll take it from here!"
That voice… surely not…!
The door slid shut behind them as the Heralds left and Ratchet looked up at their host.
A blur of green, a crashing of fast, heavy footfalls, and suddenly he was swept up from the ground in a hug that knocked all the wind out of him.
"Ratchet! Clank! Oh, thank heaven you found me, I gotta get- I mean, it's good to see you two again! I thought, when I heard what the emperor had done to the Lombax planet I…"
Qwark held the Lombax at arm's length to get a better look at him, now taking in his fake glasses and mustache, which had been knocked eschew.
"Ratchet, you held onto my disguise I made for you for all these years?! I am *sniff*… touched!"
"Q-Qwark! Let… GO of me!" Ratchet choked out, writhing in the superhero's grip, unable to breathe and his ribs feeling as though they were about to crack.
The Lombax and robot fell to the floor with yet another heavy thud as Captain Qwark released them.
Ratchet staggered to his feet, coughing and rubbing his ribs, trying to breathe air into lungs that felt half-crushed.
"Qwark, what are you doing here?" Clank asked, Ratchet still coughing and trying to catch his breath.
"Ah, now THAT dear citizen is a most thrilling tale – ", Qwark said, straightening up and a gleam in his eye. "-There I was, taking a well-deserved break in our Kerwan, after HOURS of watch- I mean rigorously training the new generation of law-keepers in the other dimension, when suddenly the sky was blackened by THOUSANDS of warships! Using my vast knowledge and experience in tackling an enemy invasion, I quickly ran for cov-errr that is to say I grabbed what weapons I could find and began taking them out! But after valiantly slaying my six… HUNDREDTH alien-robot thingy, I was forced to break out THESE beauties-" Qwark flexed both arms as he spoke – "and deliver a flaming flurry of fists of justice! …That is until one of those cowards flung dirt in my eyes, forcing me to beg for mercy once more at the feet of this Tachyon character!"
Ratchet and Clank started incredulously at him.
"You swore allegiance to him again?" said Ratchet.
"He showed you mercy? Despite double crossing him seven years ago?" asked Clank.
"Wellll, he did say he was going to originally, but when he saw such raw, masculine bravado in the way I tackled his soldiers, he sent me here to entertain his loyal subjects and my adoring fans!" Qwark said, leaping onto the desk which made an ominous creaking sound, and striking a pose and giving a mock bow to an invisible crowd.
"And yet you want us to get you out?" Clank asked, looking puzzled. It was most unlike Qwark to
turn down any sort of attention or praise, which by the sound of it and judging by his enthusiastic tone of voice and body language, he was receiving quite a bit.
The Kerwanian superhero's eyes opened and the smile slid off his face.
"Well even a superhero deserves a break once in a while, riiiiight?" he asked, his shoulders hunched and his hands half raised in a questioning gesture.
Ratchet and Clank said nothing, but watched Qwark, not buying into his obvious lie. It had happened one, two… or ten times too many – Qwark gets in trouble, and Ratchet and Clank had to bail him out.
"…Okay, fine! The fact of the matter my dear Lombax and diminutive bot is that I'm a prisoner here just as much as you are! Tachyon turned this arena into an execution ground for criminals, enemies of the empire, and anyone who calls him 'Percy'!"
"And let me guess – you called him 'Percy'."
"It was a name of endearment! Since I surrendered—I mean, offered my services to entertain his audience I thought we could be friends!"
"(Typical…)", Ratchet thought.
"Winner of each tournament is made owner of the arena for a week and is showered in cash, praise, and adoration – fitting for a hero such as myself, but at the end of the week the champion must defend their title against the winner of the current tournament!"
Qwark fell to his knees and shuffled with surprising speed up to the Lombax.
"Please you two, I'm too young, handsome, and HEROIC to die! I won't last against that… THING that's been tearing through all the competition this week!"
Ratchet considered the situation they were all in for a second. Qwark had said they were still offering cash prizes to winners, and he knew the narcissistic coward wouldn't lie about that. Dangerous though the situation they found themselves in may be, he still ultimately had a Skull Crusher to buy for Rivet. He and Clank had fought in death arenas multiple times before… How bad could this 'thing' Qwark was referring to be when compared to the War-Grok, Mr. Eye, DreadZone, or worse-still, the Fluffy Bunny Room at Gadgetron HQ?
"You want us to save your ass? Fine, we'll save your ass." Ratchet said.
"Again." Added Clank.
"But THIS time…"
Ratchet approached Qwark, looking him in straight in the eye.
"…there's a price."
Clank looked back at the Lombax, who was forcibly reminding him of Ratchet's more self-centered teenage years.
"A… price…? Well that's just perfect!" Qwark said, springing back to his feet.
Ratchet blinked. This was not the reaction he had expected, and furthermore he saw, with a sense of growing apprehension, the spark in Qwark's eyes he had seen before – one that always meant he
and Clank were about to jump out of the pan and into the fire.
"Yes, indeed!" Qwark added, noticing Ratchet's stunned silence, "Allow me to explain – it's quite simple really! The number of fighters has quickly dwindled the last couple days and the crowd wants MORE! You two are just what they need! Thanks to my ingenious disguise, none of the imperials or citizens recognized you as a Lombax. This will allow you to enter the vicious, bloody arena with relative safety! You boys duke it out with the competition as Señor Mustachio Furioso and his Trusty Sidekick-"
"Clank is not a sidekick!"
"Fine! His merciless bloodthirsty deathbot then! Now as I was saying… You boys duke it out with the competition, winning yourselves HOARDS of cash with each successful round, while I use my newfound leisure time to come up with a brilliant plan to get us out of here alive!"
Ratchet thought for a moment. He had heard better plans, yet it was also not the worst plan the Kerwanian had come up with… assuming Qwark would actually do as he said and use his time not being pestered by Heralds to devise a plan of escape - And he could get the bolts he needed for Rivet's new Skull Crusher.
"Well pal, whaddaya think?" Ratchet asked Clank. Personally, he felt like it was as good as it was gonna get, but he still wanted to hear Clank's opinion.
"I see flaws in this plan, yet there is still the off chance it will work. We have no other options in our current predicament, so we will have to go through with what we have."
"SPLENDID!" Qwark cried, picking up Ratchet in Clank in one arm and marching to the door. "Hey! What-"
"The next match will be starting soon; the Heralds believe I have been taunting you and jonesing you two outta your wits before your first battle! Now act terrified and go deliver the justice to some criminals!"
The door slid open as they approached and Qwark hurled the two from the room.
"And STAY OUT, foul rebels!" he shouted.
Ratchet and Clank rolled down the stairs, finally coming to a halt at the landing at the bottom, Ratchet's disguise fortunately remaining fixed to his face. Ratchet looked up to see a Herald glowering down at them, who lifted the Lombax to his feet none-too gently and gripped his arm in its clawed hands, jerking him about to drag him and Clank along. However Ratchet tore his arm free with a growl of indignation.
"I can walk, thank you!"
"Eager to get started huh? All the better; crowd's getting thirsty, furball. Try to last longer than the last challenger won't you?"
Right on cue, a door opened ahead of them through which came two frightened and repulsed-looking civilians pushing a hovering medicart on which Ratchet saw to his disgust a bloody tangle of a body, limbs bent at sickening angles and a bone clearly sticking out of what Ratchet thought was its leg. The creature on the cart was still breathing and groaning in pain.
"Oh dear…" Clank muttered, watching the medicart vanish through another door.
The Herald marched the two through the door, which lead to a dead-end with a circular pattern at the end on the floor. However as Ratchet and Clank stepped forward they were shoved hard from behind and they fell to the ground a few feet ahead in the center of the circular pattern.
The floor began sinking into a passage, taking the Herald out of sight and throwing the pair into pitch blackness.
For a few seconds there was only the sound of the platform's mechanical humming as it sank into the depths of the Colosseum.
"C'mon Ratchet, you got this… You've faced worse." The Lombax said to himself, hopping slightly in place and rolling his shoulders.
"Are you nervous, Ratchet?"
"Huh? No of course not! Just getting in the zone."
"You do not have to pretend; it is natural to feel apprehension before a fight to the death."
"'Death'? No way. I can't give Rivet that Skull Crusher if I'm dead! No, it's how many rounds we gotta get through before we have enough bolts that I'm worried about! Think there's still enough rounds left in this tournament before we meet with Qwark and put whatever plan he's got into action?"
"You are worried about bolts and a gun when we are marching to a series of battles to the death? Promise me when we get back to the Phoenix you will go straight to bed; Your priorities make no sense today!"
"All right fine… But after I give Rivet the Skull Crusher, 'kay?" "…If her birthday means that much to you, very well."
"Birth—Oh, yeah!" Ratchet said, almost forgetting he had told Clank that he was getting this gun for her birthday. "Yeah, it'll be worth it pal, trust me!"
The Lombax faced forward again.
"(Gotta make it a point to find out when her birthday is soon…)" the Lombax thought. Despite the numerous times the two of them had spent with Rivet and Kit, the subject of birthdays had never been discussed.
At last, a light appeared at their feet and slid up their bodies, bringing with it a roar of sound.
Ratchet blinked at the sudden flare of lights all around him, and saw, when his eyes had adjusted, a vast, circular arena with stands stretching to the ceiling, filled with a mixture of Heralds and creatures of various species who were clearly imperial sympathizers. The ground was dirt; dotted sporadically throughout the arena were walls and towers, platforms and various hazards that Ratchet suspected were NOT a part of the once-traditional battles for honor that the locals of Achilles Minor had employed in their competitions. Here and there were also metallic doors under which lurked who-knew-what, and there was a rather unpleasant mixture of sweat, rust, and blood lingering in the air. High above in the center of the arena was a large spherical structure that hung from the ceiling, and which projected four holovisions out for the spectators in the highest stands to see.
"Ladiieees and gentlemen! Terachnoids and Kerchus, citizens and soldiers! People, places, and
things and ideas!"
Qwark's voice was booming over the roars of the spectators.
"We have a special guest here for you tonight! Straight from the Bogon Galaxy and stepping once more into the arena after a long retirement is none other than the one, the only, Mustachio Furiosooo!"
Qwark's declaration of Ratchet's fake name was greeted by a mixture of boos and excited roars from the crowd as he and Clank stepped off the platform and into the arena.
"Our mysterious and totally NOT disguised star was once the uncontested champion of our glorious leader's Imperial Fight Festivals seven years ago before he vanished from the face of the universe; UNTIL TODAY! Will Furioso and his murderous deathbot once more reign supreme, or will they be sleeping with the Lombaxes?!"
Ratchet felt anger course through his veins at Qwark's last sentence and as laughs split through the audience. So that's what his species was good for now was it? Reduced to nothing more than jokes and expressions for death?!
"Clank, remind me to break Qwark's oversized jaw when we get outta here."
"Calm yourself Ratchet!; he is only trying to sound convincing to the imperials! We must focus on the tasks at-hand!"
"-The answer to that question dear citizens, is NOW! Let the games BEGIN!" Qwark cried, to more thunderous applause from the audience.
Ratchet turned as a series of metallic clunks and clinking reached his ears. The large doors in the ground were opening, bringing up a platform on which were three battle droids – quadrupedal, their heads flat with singular electric-yellow eyes, arm-mounted blasters, and two tails – one ending in the shape of a clawed hand, and the other featuring a razor-sharp blade at its end.
The moment the three droids saw the Lombax and robot, they began firing their blasters rapidly, sending round after round of crimson plasma at the two heroes. Ratchet threw himself behind one of the walls dotted about the arena and out of their line of fire, hearing the shots striking relentlessly at his cover. The shots continued without slowing down, and Ratchet knew that he would have to move; it was only a matter of time before they closed in.
Sure enough, at Clank's warning, Ratchet turned his Enforcer to his left as one of the battle droids came around the corner, blasting it back and causing it to spin around, leaving several scorch marks on its armor, yet not dealing enough damage to put it down.
The blade-tipped tail of the machine whipped forth and Ratchet rolled to the side to avoid being skewered. Now in the open, Ratchet was forced to make a running leap toward more cover, twirling through the air to avoid another series of shots directed his way. He fired his Enforcer again and the spread of the shot hit both targets, making them recoil and giving the Lombax enough time to put some space between him and his predators.
The first droid suddenly leapt forth with shocking agility, its four legs open wide, clearly trying to crush him.
Ratchet threw himself sideways, but the clawed tail of the droid whipped forward and snatched Ratchet by the foot and began dragging him back. The Lombax drew out his Buzzblades and fired
at the mechanical tentacle-like appendage, severing it and sending sparks in every direction, causing a loud groan of disappointment from the crowd.
The blade from Ratchet's shot pinged off the ground and soared toward the droid, striking and embedding itself deep in its metallic head, causing the machine's eyes to flicker and die.
However, the droid gave a mechanical cry of rage and began firing in every direction, clearly blinded, but still deadly as Ratchet tore behind one of the towers in the arena for cover.
"Despian Battle Droids – raiders from planet Despos; equipped with twin arm-mounted, auto-cooling Auto-Combusters, and reinforced with three levels of armor of varying material to protect their vital components. Direct attacks will not hinder them for long."
"That's really cool an' all Clank, but how do we kill 'em?!" Ratchet shouted as the first two droids began firing shots on either side of the tower, preventing him from going left or right to escape.
"The armor of each Despian Droid is weak at the joint connecting their legs to their torsos and where their bodies connect to their neck. I suggest parting their legs to inhibit their mobility and removing their craniums to finish them off. The kinetic tether in your Omniwrench should do the trick!"
Ratchet looked left then right – continuous fire on both sides, and the third droid was sure to catch up soon if it followed the sound of its fellow droids' blasters. The only way to go was up.
He fired his swingshot at the platform above that went around the tower and was lifted high into the air, grabbing onto the handrail and heaving himself up. The droids were still firing below, unaware their prey had taken to the high ground.
Ratchet dashed around the platform, passed a door, and looked down to think of how best to tackle the situation. He saw the blind battle droid staggering in the general direction of where its fellows were continuing to lay down suppressing fire, and inspiration struck.
He waited for the blind battle droid to turn the corner of the tower before he leapt down again, Clank deploying his helipack to soften their landing, and Ratchet landed catlike behind the two droids.
He flipped a switch on the handle of his Omniwrench and swung it hard, causing the head of the tool to blast off toward the droid on the right. It latched onto the machine's waist and Ratchet swung hard to his left before it could react.
The battle droid's legs were wrenched off with a loud sound of crushing, twisting metal and smashed into the droid on the left, knocking its head off and causing its body to fly far away. The first droid collapsed, exposed cables emitting sparks as it tried to push itself back upright.
Ratchet dashed forward, the head of his Omniwrench returning, and he fixed the tool firmly around the neck of his enemy, twisting hard with a grunt of exertion and ripping its head clean from its joint with a crunch of metal.
The crowd gave an audible gasp, clearly caught off guard with the skill and mercilessness displayed by the clearly-not-a-Lombax, and began cheering instead.
The Lombax changed course at once, making for the direction of his blinded enemy, and whom he could still hear it emitting electronic shouts of fury as it continued to fire relentlessly at nothing
behind the tower.
After getting the OK from Clank who did a motion scan to ensure the droid was not about to fire in their direction, Ratchet rounded the corner and leapt forward, his feet colliding with the droid and knocking it to the ground as he again fastened his wrench around its neck and jerked hard.
The final droid's head tore free of its neck and the Lombax hopped down.
A roar of noise filled the arena as (most of) the crowd made evident its approval of the Lombax's display.
"What a SHOW!" Qwark's voice boomed throughout the Colosseum once more, "Yes it would seem the mysterious and DEADLY Mustachio Furioso still has what it takes! But that was only the first round! Does he have what it takes for round TWO?!"
"Wait, what?!" Ratchet said, shocked. Round two? Already?
"Yes, round TWO! What, did you think there was going be an intermission? Not here, my fine, furry friend! The audience wants MORE! Bring out the next challenger!"
"Dodge to the side!" Clank shouted.
Without pausing to think, Ratchet threw himself over and rolled across the ground, missing by mere feet a swarm of flying daggers.
He leapt up from the ground, his head turning left and right for signs of his attacker. "Oh come ON! Why'd'ja have t'go an warn the rat?!"
From the tower above that Ratchet and Clank had so recently dismounted from came a harsh voice. A muscular, humanoid brute in a mask, a bionic right arm and with chains around his wrist and neck had emerged from the door they had dashed passed and was leaping down, landing on his feet with a crash, showing no sign of injury or discomfort and sending a cloud of dust up all around him.
"Heyyy wait a minute! You're not supposed to be the next challenger!" Qwark's voice sounded surprised and indignant. The brute grinned, towering a good five feet over the Lombax. Every inch of him seemed to be covered with sheathed blades, daggers, and spikes.
"All th' same, thanks fer takin' out them blasted tin-men, 'Stachio; they killed all me thugs! But YOU… You'll be a piece o' cake compared to them, fluffy!"
The brute drew a single-edged cutlass which was stained and chipped from a hundred battles as he approached.
"Like it? I call 'er 'Lassy' – brilliant, ain't it?! Cuz it's a cutLASS, see?!"
The brute gave a harsh, bark of laughter as he swung the blade in a horizontal arc. Ratchet brought up his Omniwrench just in time, deflecting the blade and sending sparks in every direction.
"My MY! This IS exciting isn't it citizens?! Behold, your unannounced round TWO-AND-A-HALF!" Qwark shouted, making Ratchet's ears ring from the din as the crowd roared its approval.
"Two-and-a-half comes AFTER TWO, NOT ONE! That masked moron BETTER be working on that plan!" Ratchet said angrily, his voice punctuated by grunts of exertion as he blocked vicious
swipe after vicious swipe of the Brute's sword, the clanging adding to the discordant sounds pounding his ears.
Ratchet parried an attack and struck the brute hard in the chest, knocking the opponent back.
"Not half-bad, fluffy! Yer pretty good in one-one-one ain'tcha?" he said, sheathing his blade, "But it'll take more an' a rinky-dink gardening tool t'put Stabbs Stevenson outta commission!"
"'Stabbs Steven'-what?"
"Think fast, furball!"
Stabbs swung his arms down over his head, and the chains on his left wrist came crashing down, missing the Lombax and robot by inches. The other chain came sweeping across the ground, and Ratchet dove over it, rolling across the ground.
"Ratchet look out!"
The Lombax drew his Void Repulsor just in the nick of time, deflecting another swarm of razor-sharp daggers that Stabbs had let fly the moment he had registered the Lombax dodged his attack.
The blades flew in different directions, one whizzing toward Stabbs and cutting through the solid metal of the chains on his right arm.
"What the-?! Ya foul, no good CHEATER! How dare ya bring a SHIELD t'this fight?!"
Ratchet rolled behind a wall as Stabbs swung his other chain down overhead once more, sending up a cloud of dirt and dust from its point of impact and hiding everything from view.
"Hidin' won't do ya no good, 'Stachio! Come and face me like tha man they say ya are!"
"Got any ideas pal?! Runnin' kinda short on inspiration with daggers and chains flyin' at me every two seconds!"
"Fortunately, he has exhausted his supply; Get close and force him to use his blade, then use your Omniwrench to disarm him!"
"Right! Up close and personal…"
The Lombax vaulted over the wall and dashed through the cloud of dirt toward his enemy, who came back into sight at once.
"Now THAT's more like it! C'mon furball, let's dance!"
Stabbs drew his sword as the Lombax approached. Ratchet saw him raise his blade high and he brought his Omniwrench up to meet it.
The cutlass struck between the Omniwrench's teeth and Ratchet twisted hard as he swung to the side, causing the blade to fly out of Stabbs' grip and making him stumble.
Taking advantage of his foes' disorientation, Ratchet leapt up and swung hard, smashing the tool hard into Stabbs' face, sending teeth flying everywhere, trailing blood behind them.
The hulking figure collapsed with a howl of pain and clutching his mouth as Ratchet dashed over to the fallen cutlass, which he took up before dashing back to Stabbs. Ratchet leapt forward, swinging the blade around in his hands and bringing it down hard as he fell, slicing off Stabbs' bionic arm
with a crunch.
"No! Lassy! Ye've betrayed me!" the brute roared, sparks spitting from where his severed robotic arm had connected to his shoulder.
"What an incredible display! Such power! Such BRUTALITY! Honored citizens – Mustachiooo!" Qwark bellowed as the audience in the arena roared its delight. Another group of nervous-looking civilians hurried forward with a cart, onto which they heaved Stabbs before dashing off again.
Ratchet slumped over, breathing hard and trying to catch his breath. "Are you all right?" Clank asked urgently. "You kiddin'? Hah… Never better!"
"AND NOW, honored guests, it is TIME for the FINAL round of the day! The mighty Mustachio has bested all opponents so far, but tonight he faces his strongest, most powerful, most deadliest, foe he's EVER faced! Yes!" Qwark added as the audience began chanting something, which was impossible to make out through all the reverberating noise. "Yes, yes! You know who I'm talking about – this beast has torn through every competitor this week, showing no mercy; apparently this is ONLY its TRAINING grounds! Give a BIG, imperial welcome TOOOOO…."
But Qwark didn't finish his announcement. He cut off suddenly as what sounded like somebody talking to him from behind interrupted.
"Now? I was just in the middle of an announcement!... They won't like this you know!... Are you sure?... Fine, but no skin off my back!"
The crowd's cheering had died down to confused chattering as Qwark spoke to whoever it was in his office that had distracted him.
"*Ahem*… Err, my apologies citizens, but the mighty Mustachio Furioso and his deathbot are to return to my office at once – by order of his Lordship! Never fear, never fear!" Qwark added, for the audience made sounds of anger and disappointment, "-Our tournament shall resume in thirty minutes! Everyone is to visit the concessions and purchase souvenirs of His Greatness during this time! Failure to purchase souvenirs will result in immediate drafting into next week's tournament! Thank you!"
Ratchet looked up as the sound of mechanical whirring met his ears again. The lift down which he and Clank had come earlier was once more descending, two armed Heralds waiting for them.
"What's this about…? Don't think they're onto us do ya?" asked the Lombax, walking forward. "I do not know… But rest assured we will find out soon." "Yeah, that really makes me feel better..."
Five minutes later they were back outside Qwark's office door, but this time the Heralds did not force them in. They could hear voices on the other side, but couldn't make out what they were saying. The door opened and were marched over the threshold.
Qwark was behind his desk, speaking to a Fongoid who sat opposite him, leaning forward, his elbows on the desk, his fingers pressed together. He was not like any Fongoid the Lombax had seen before; whereas most Fongoids wore tribal clothing and bore tattoos denoting which clans they belonged to, this one had no such tattoos, his clothes were modern, he wore black, forearm-length
gloves similar to Ratchet's, and he was also donned in a collared cloak.
"So… This is the… 'mysterious' Mustachio Furioso."
The fur on Ratchet's arms stuck up, a chill going through him as the Fongoid's voice fell on his ears. It was Lord Valen.
But… weren't Fongoids averse to technology ever since they nearly destroyed the universe from time travel? And not only that, male Fongoids were supposed to have a vocal tick… He would never have guess the one responsible for the Alliance's many struggles would be a member from the normally peaceful and kind Fongoids.
"…Fascinating… So small, yet sooo powerful! Oh, my goodness yes! When I heard the Battle Droids of Despos were defeated I simply had to stop what I was doing and rush over to meet this… 'Mustachioso' for myself, rebel scum or not! I do admire a fine display of raw strength, I find it rather inspiring."
Ratchet didn't speak; he was afraid uttering even a single word would be enough for Valen to recognize him.
The Fongoid looked at him, an eyebrow raised.
"Cat got your tongue, 'Stachy? Understandable of course, few there are who get to meet the great Lord Valen in the flesh! Speaking of cats, what breed are you? I've not seen one like yourself before…"
"Centaurian Stripeclaw, my Lord! Our friend here hails from the Centauris Galaxy on the opposite side of the universe!" Qwark said, quickly.
"Hmmmm…" Valen said, frowning slightly, his eyes narrowed. "…I thought he hailed from the Bogon Galaxy?"
"Ah! He does! He crash-landed there as a baby! Robbed him of his ability to speak too, the poor thing!" said Qwark hastily, rushing over and pulling the Lombax into another bone-crushing hug.
Ratchet fought furiously to free himself but uttered not a word; he had a horrible feeling Valen at least suspected what he really was.
Valen continued to look at the Lombax for a moment, evidently thinking. But then he relaxed, a rather unsettling smile forming on his face.
"Yes… So, to conclude our conversation – everything you've shown me just now says a change of plans are in order!~ Our darling Mustachio here will not be facing the Seraph tonight."
"He… won't?" Qwark asked, looking puzzled, and Ratchet and Clank still clutched in his oversized arms, "But think of my fans! They're expecting me to introduce them to the greatest battle this galaxy has ever seen! What about the glory? The honor? The MONEY?"
"Oh, don't worry about that, dear captain, I have a much BETTER idea! Our Mustachio will instead be facing…YOU! Yes indeed! A battle to the death between a current rebel and a former rebel! Such fun!"
Qwark's eyes widened, and Ratchet could have sworn he saw something like relief in his eyes. "He will?! Oh that's a rel-", but Qwark was cut short as Clank kicked his ribs – "OWIii mean NO
PLEASE! ANYTHING but that!" Qwark threw the Lombax and robot away from him and they smashed into the wall, sliding down and landing on the floor in a crumpled heap.
Qwark had again fallen to his knees, his hands clasped in front of him as though in prayer. "That mustache is TOO MUCH, I can't bear it! He'll SLAUGHTER ME!"
Valen took a step back, looking put off at the sight of Qwark's pleading. "Enough of this you fool! On your feet! I thought you wanted fame and glory! Are you really going to walk into that arena sobbing and moaning in front of you adoring fans? Or will you march in that arena and RIP that rebel's head off to the cheers and adoration of millions? Yes, captain." Valen said, for Qwark had looked up at him, "slaughter that rebel like the rat he is before our crowd, send the message of His Greatness to the entirety of his marvelous empire, and you will be showered in riches, praise, and honor!"
Qwark jumped to his feet at once.
"A well-articulated proposal my Lord! Hard to disagree with such brilliance as that!"
Ratchet could not believe his ears. The fool was going to double cross them again?!
"Very good! Very good indeed! I shall be watching from the stands this time, I do so love to see these threats to the empire get crushedin-person! It was a pleasure, Furioso; I look forward to seeing your display! And please, do make it interesting for little ol' me, won't you? I want to have something I can play on loop while I work on my darling Harbinger~ I shall leave you two alone for now, I must go find a seat!"
Lord Valen left the room along with the two Heralds that had marched Ratchet and Clank in, leaving the two heroes alone with Qwark.
But before Ratchet could berate the superhero for chickening out again, Qwark had bent down.
"Okay you two, listen closely… The doors to this collosseum are locked electronically and further secured by motion-tracking Gamma III lasers; if we attempt to leave without deactivating the security systems we're hosed. Now, the security station is located in the large ball-thingy that projects the four holovisions in the arena. When Lord Valen begins the match, Ratchet will eat this totally harmless sleeping pill - ", Qwark held up a small, light-blue pill, "- which will make the Lombax fall into a deep sleep!"
"Uhh, Qwark I do not think-"
"Please save all questions and concerns for after I expound! With Ratchet spitting more Z's than the Sleeping Salwards of Sector Seven, I will then use my abnormally large muscular arms to hurl you both into the security room above! Once there, the Heralds, thinking the two of you dead, will begin dragging your lifeless corpses off to be dissected, studied, and then incinerated, at which point Clank will spring to life and nimbly dispose of the totally caught-off-guard guards, disarm the security, and administer this more ambiguous and possibly less safe pill of rejuvenation to Ratchet!" Qwark held up a small, bright red pill. "I will use this time to run back to my office and smuggle ALL of the bolts out of the safe, meet with you two here, then we shall make our daring escape to the docking bay, board your starcraft, and escape to live another day! Any questions?"
The two stared at Qwark.
"Sooo… what're the uhh… side-effects of this rejuvenation pill?"
"And where did you get these medications?"
"Sorry, no time to talk! It's SHOWTIME!"
And Qwark lifted both Lombax and robot over his shoulder and charged out of the office.
The crowed roared its delight as the three of them walked into the arena once more, Qwark striking poses and waving to the audience, Ratchet rolling his eyes and looking away in second-hand embarrassment.
"Greetings, one and all! The marvelous Lord Valen, founder of the Imperial Gladiator Competitions, speaks!~ I am proud to bring to you all tonight undoubtably what shall be the finest jousting you will ever have the pleasure to witness! The great Captain Qwark versus the unexpected hero of the past two fights, Mustachio Furioso!"
As the crowd screamed its approval, Qwark bent down to Ratchet.
"Now's the moment! Pleasant dreams my little Lombax!"
Before Ratchet could say another word, Qwark made a mock bow to the cheering spectators, smacking Ratchet in the face and forcing the blue pill into his mouth.
The effect was instantaneous – the arena began to spin, Ratchet's head feeling abnormally heavy, and his legs starting to feel like water. His eyelids were sinking, and he fought to keep them open. He stumbled slightly, and he thought he heard someone say his name and ask if he was all right.
The shouting and cheering of the audience began to fade slowly, and he felt the world spin around him as though he were flying far, far away, soaring through the air into a relaxed, silent, comfortable void…
CRASH!
The two heralds leapt backward in shock as the body crashed through the solid wall around them. The Lombax rolled across the floor and crashed into the wall, face down, while Clank tumbled and bounced off the filing cabinets and tables, sending papers and reports flying everywhere.
"For gods' sake!" one of the Heralds shouted furiously, "I just finished sorting those! This is the third time this week!"
The other Herald investigated the Lombax.
"Damn, I had a lotta bolts on this rat… Well, that's another rebel for the boss at least."
"Hey wait, where's that deathbot?"
The two beasts looked around; Clank had vanished.
Suddenly with a flash of silver and a smashing of glass, the first Herald had half its teeth knocked out as Clank flew from nowhere and decked the creature using his hologloves.
The other Herald gave a roar of shock and anger, but was silenced as Clank fired its blaster, which the beast had left on the table, at its head, piercing its helmet and killing it instantly.
Clank returned to the console and swiftly hacked into the administrative systems, deactivating all security systems and cutting the lights for good measure, causing cries of shock and fear from the crowd outside.
The small bot hurried over to the Lombax, who had rolled over and was now snoring loudly.
After several unsuccessful attempts to awaken Ratchet normally, Clank drew out the small red rejuvenation pill Qwark had given him.
"Dear heaven please do not let this kill him…"
He slid the pill into Ratchet's mouth.
Immediately, Ratchet's eyes snapped open and he got to his feet so fast that Clank jumped.
"Holy mother of Orvus!"
Ratchet threw himself forward and began rolling around the room, his eyes wide, his pupils dilated, his hands at his mouth, panting hard.
"Ratchet! Are you all right?!"
"Water! Hot! HOT!"
The Lombax spotted a water jug across the room. He sprang to his feet and threw himself forward, cartwheeling over a table which crashed instantly. The Lombax fell flat on his face but crawled as fast as he could to the tank of water.
He straightened up, his feet sliding out from under him as he tried to stand up as fast as he could, and accidentally breaking the trigger on the spout, which caused water to positively spray forth.
The Lombax straightened up and grabbed a paper cup and began chugging – chugging cup after cup as though he hadn't had water for days while Clank watched, torn between concern and amusement.
After his tenth cup, Ratchet gasped and slumped over, his hands on his knees and breathing hard.
"Ratchet… Are you all right?"
"Hahh… Y-yeah! Holllyyy ssshit that was hot…"
"Are you well enough to fight?"
"You kiddin'? *wheeze*… After that? I've never… felt more awake!"
Clank jumped onto Ratchet's back once more. The two leapt out of the security station and glided back to the ground before racing through the dark to the platform that brought them into the arena before sprinting once more up the twisting stairs to Qwark's office.
Ratchet kicked the door open and Qwark, who had been hunched over a safe, jumped.
"You survived? I mean, you survived! Great work you two, I've gathered the prize money as well as my winnings!"
"Your winnings?" Ratchet asked, his head cocked slightly to the side and an eyebrow raised.
"Absolutely! I bet forty-three thousand bolts on myself! Had quite a few senseless takers who thought I was hosed, but HAH! Captain Qwark triumphs yet again!"
Ratchet's initial frustration at Qwark's boasting was immediately dowsed as the full impact of
what he had heard hit him.
"How many takers?" he asked. They would have enough to buy the Skull Crusher, and plenty more bolts to spare!
"We can worry about the numbers later! We must flee, now!" Clank said urgently.
The trio sprinted from the office, Qwark with a massive sack over his shoulder, rattling and chinking with the sound of thousands and thousands of bolts. They dashed through the long curved passage, dodging through running civilians and shoving stunned bystanders aside
"SEIZE THEM!"
Valen's furious voice echoed through the halls as the docking bay doors came into sight. Dozens of Heralds, mingled with a number of imperial sympathizers, dashed into the passage and tore after the three heroes.
"Detecting numerous Mag-Net Launchers behind us!"
Ratchet threw a GasLight over his shoulder, which shattered and flooded the passage with the same foul-smelling gas and flashing light that the Vullard on Havenon IV had used to give the heroes their chance to escape.
The imperials fired their Mag-Nets, but so blurred was their vision from the gas, and so dazed were the Heralds by the lights, that their shots flew far, far off the mark.
"HOLD IT!"
Lord Valen appeared in the door to the docking bay, a large ornate staff topped with a crystal in his hands, and a look of fury twisting his purple face.
"I am disappointed in you, Mustacio! I thought you were going to give us a show to remember, but nooooooo, you just had to devise a silly plan of escape with this buffoon!"
Qwark looked greatly offended at this insult.
"None have escaped the Imperial Gladiator Tournaments! You two and your deathbot will just be another set names on the list of fools that tried to play the heroes!"
Valen twirled the staff over his head and brought it down with a flash of silver light, sending a bolt of pure energy toward them.
Qwark shouted in fear and covered his head, but Ratchet leapt forward, swinging hard at the bolt of energy with his Omniwrench.
The bolt rebounded off the tool with a metallic crashing sound and flew back at its caster. Valen, his eyes wide with shock, swung the staff in front of him, causing the bolt to rebound once more. Ratchet swung his wrench and deflected the attack yet again, this time causing the energy bolt to crash into the wall behind them, causing an explosion that knocked all four to the ground and which caused the ceiling behind them to cave in, crushing the imperials and the Heralds that were giving chase.
Ratchet sprang to his feet, his wrench raised, ready for another attack. But Valen stared at him.
"You…!" he said, his voice hoarse.
Ratchet suddenly became aware that his disguise had fallen off, and Valen, his eyes now wide, looked suddenly just as pleased as he did furious.
"The Lombax from Theandris…! I should have known it was you; the way you fought in that arena, the willpower and strength you possess! Well, we may not have an audience anymore, but you can still entertain your host! Tell me Lombax, do you feel up for one more fight?"
"Actually I'd much rather you just get outta my way."
Valen looked at him incredulously.
"What is this? Where are your manners? You didn't say 'please'!"
"Fine. Please get outta my way."
"Too late!~ You had your chance and you missed it. Your final challenger awaits, Lombax; Do make it an interesting match~"
Valen's body suddenly glowed bright blue as he began to laugh that same cold, high-pitched, insane laugh he had given when Ratchet had mouthed off to him on Theandris. His body glowed brighter and brighter, the details of his figure fading as the brightness intensified, and then, he had vanished.
"Ratchet… Clank… We need to leave now." Qwark said suddenly.
"What?" Ratchet asked.
But he was left in doubt barely a second longer. There was the sound of a mechanical whirring, a horrible, metallic scraping sound, and suddenly with a crash, a creature smashed through the wall in a shower of sparks, smoke, and bits of rubble.
The thing had a shiny, metallic body from which sprouted four arms, two of which ended in serrated, whirring blades like buzzsaws, the other two were long-fingered hands ending in claws. It towered seven feet over the Lombax, its legs long and ending in birdlike feet. Its head was long and thin, and featured two sharp fangs from which some unpleasantly green secretion was dripping, and it had two large flaming red eyes that seemed to glow. From its back a long tentacle-like tail was whipping around as it stared at the heroes.
"So, is this that 'thing' you were telling us about, right Qwark?" Ratchet asked, taking a step back.
But Qwark had gone. Running the instant he had heard the sound of it trying to tear through the wall, Qwark had dashed into the docking bay and hidden inside Ratchet's and Clank's ship.
The beast gave a roar and flew toward the Lombax at frightening speed. With a shout of surprise the Lombax threw himself to the ground as one of the bladed discs came soaring up to decapitate him. The beast spun around quickly and Ratchet opened fire with his Burst Pistol, shooting round after round into its face, but the creature merely gave a hiss of fury before sprinting forward again. Ratchet dashed forward and slid beneath it as it pounced, rolling over and firing his Enforcer at its back.
The creature flinched but seemed otherwise unfazed. In fact, Ratchet felt sure he was doing no more than aggravating it. It made a rasping noise and Ratchet, his eyes wide, dove behind a concession counter as the beast began spitting streams of that green fluid around the passageway, creating pools of acid that burned clean through the ground.
"Clank! How do we kill this thing?!"
"I am working on it!"
"So, are you having fun yet?" Valen's voice echoed again throughout the passage, "Oh, simply SPLENDID! I spent so much time on this one, it brings me so much joy to see you lot spending such quality time together! Oh! Oh, fun little tidbit for you, Lombax and deathbot – my darling Seraph here was the forerunner of the Harbinger, did you know that?! Yes! We used data collected from several conflicts with Lombax-kind using Seraphs to create our beautiful Harbinger, but I just couldn't shelve the concepts we drew for the Seraphs! So much more simple and cost-effective to create, AND they get the job done!" Valen gave another cruel, cold laugh.
"'Harbinger'?"
"Let's worry about stupid codenames later and focus on the seven-foot robot alien trying to kill us first!"
The Seraph reached over the counter and grabbed Ratchet by the scruff of his neck and hurled him across the room.
Ratchet righted himself just in time to break his fall and skidded several feet.
"Biological make-up is… a disaster!" Clank shouted over another roar from the beast.
"The hell's THAT supposed to mean?!" Ratchet shouted back, throwing a shatterbomb at the creature, but which appeared to have little effect aside from making it stumble back a few feet.
"It is not alive, Ratchet! It is made from a combination of organic life and machines!"
"The thing's breathing enough air into its lungs to scream, so CLEARLY somethin' in there's ticking!"
The creature lunged forth as Ratchet and Clank backed into a corner, but missed as Ratchet bounced off the walls and soared over its head, but the two were smacked aside as its tail whipped up to meet them.
Ratchet and Clank rolled across the floor, bouncing as they went, but the Lombax managed to right himself and was back on his feet in an instant. He hurled more shatterbombs, and he saw several fragments embed themselves into the creature's skull, disorienting it briefly.
"Ah! Yes, quite simple actually!"
"Whaddaya got Clank?!"
"An emergency off button!"
"There's a-what?"
"An off button, Ratchet!"
"You're kidding."
"No, I am not!"
Ratchet rolled to the side as the Seraph swung its buzzsaw-ended arms at him once more, the blades gouging deep cuts into the floor and sending sparks flying.
"All right then, where is it?" Ratchet shouted, blasting the Seraph with a Cold Snap and temporarily freezing it in place while they looked for the supposed 'off switch'.
"Between its legs!"
"Between its-"
"Legs, yes!"
"…So basically I'm crushing its nuts."
"…'Nuts'? There are no nuts on this creature Ratchet, nor are there bolts. What are you talking about?"
"…I'll tell ya later!"
Ratchet dashed forward, winding his arm back as his omniwrench appeared in his hand, and swung with all his might at the still-frozen Seraph.
The force of his attack broke clean through the ice and smashed a red button between its legs.
Immediately the Seraph's eyes darkened, the exposed, whirring blades ceased, and the large ice cube stopped shaking as the beast shut down.
"…Ah." Valen's voice sounded again through the hallways. "Yyyyess… Err, it appears I… deployed the err… Beta version of the Seraphs… Oopsies."
Without a further delay, Ratchet and Clank tore away from the beast and made for their ship.
Leaping into their seats, Ratchet floored it and the B-62 starfighter blasted off at warpseed.
Thirty minutes later, Ratchet and Clank were standing in the elevator, descending from Level 3 of the Phoenix, Ratchet gazing down at the Skull Crusher held carefully in his hands.
It was now dark aboard the Alliance base. Rather than false sunshine flooding the third level, it had been a soft, blue-ish glow of moonlight. Most of the stall owners had closed up for the day, and there were very few refugees doing any shopping or wandering when he and Clank had arrived, a large sack of bolts in the Lombax's hand.
The gunshop owner couldn't believe his eyes as the two approached and Ratchet had handed over the bolts. True to his word though, the merchant had held onto the Skull Crusher for Ratchet and willingly passed it over once he had verified the correct amount of bolts were rendered.
"I still say it was overkill." Clank piped up suddenly.
"Maybe… But hey, we rescued Qwark and we got the Skull Crusher!" replied Ratchet.
"Rescued Qwark again." Clank corrected the Lombax, flatly.
"…Yeah." Ratchet replied.
After a short pause, they both chuckled.
"Just like old times…" they both said together.
The doors opened and they began walking back to their dorm.
Ratchet's nerves and excitement mounted with every step they took. Part of him wanted to run – to get the Skull Crusher to Rivet as fast as he could and see her face; the other part of him was nervous and wanted to take his time. He had given gifts to Clank before of course, but he had never bought gifts for someone he loved, not even for Talwyn. Well, unless you count the times he bought her lunch or offered to help her pay her expenses when she started travelling.
How would Rivet react?
"(Ecstatic, surely!)" a voice whispered inside him.
"(But it was so expensive… What if instead she thinks I'm insane?!)" another voice hissed back.
"(Clank was right, you think too much. She's gonna love it, just watch!)"
Next thing he knew, they were standing outside Rivet's and Kit's dorm.
Ratchet gulped, his ears drooping, his heart racing. This was the moment.
Clank waited a moment for Ratchet to press the buzzer, but Ratchet had frozen in place.
The bot turned and looked at him, noticing his drooping ears, his faster, shallow breathing, his hands gripping the Skull Crusher unnecessarily hard. This was most unlike the Ratchet he knew…
"Shall… I call on them, then?" Clank asked.
Ratchet nodded, too apprehensive to speak.
As Clank stood on tip-toe to reach the buzzer, Ratchet hid the rifle behind his back. He didn't want
to show it immediately... he wanted a chance to try and explain...
After a few seconds, the door opened, and Kit stood in the doorway.
"Ratchet! Clank! This is a welcome surprise!" she said happily.
"Good evening Kit, it is good to see you as well. Is Rivet here? Ratchet wanted a word."
Kit nodded and walked away into the small kitchenette and out of site.
She returned a moment later, followed by Rivet.
Ratchet's eyes softened at the sight of the Lombax. He sighed, his heart beating warmer in his chest and feeling suddenly light as a feather, and Clank flashing a curious glance at Ratchet before facing forward again.
"Oh, hey!" she said, sounding just as pleasantly surprised as Kit, "What's brought you two here this time of night?"
Ratchet came back to himself instantly at the question, which he knew, from her eye contact, that she had directed toward him. He swallowed again.
"Uh, yeah!" His voice cracked and he cleared his throat, blushing.
"I was uhh… just in the area and… I mean, there was some… Just thought I'd drop by to…" his voice died, and he shook himself mentally.
"(Come on Ratchet, you can do this! You've faced worse…)"
He suddenly remembered thinking those exact words moments before entering the Imperial Gladiator Tournament just hours ago. Was it really this hard to give Rivet a gift?
"I… I g-got somethin' for ya…" he said softly, his face burning.
Rivet blinked and her ears perked up.
"You… got something for me?" she repeated, looking curiously at him.
She was utterly gorgeous… Her eyes, sparkling sapphires full of curiosity, her slightly raised
eyebrow, the slight flush in her face as she took in what he had just said... "Y-yeah…!" he said breathlessly, his voice cracking again, "I… I got… I bought this for you."
Ratchet, his heart thudding madly in his chest, his face burning, and sweat breaking out on his forehead, drew the Skull Crusher from behind his back and held it out for her.
Rivet froze, her eyes wide, staring at the weapon Ratchet was holding out for her. She remained in her state of shock for a full ten seconds, during which Ratchet could feel his nerves beginning to slip as his hands shook slightly and his tail gave an anxious twitch.
"Rivet, are you… okay?" Kit asked, looking concerned at the female Lombax.
At last Rivet seemed to reawaken.
"F-for… m-me?" she asked, breathlessly.
"Y-yeah! If… if you want it, of course… I just… I thought you'd like-"
But Ratchet's sentence was cut short as the female Lombax threw herself at him, her eyes blazing.
She had wrapped an arm around him and gave a cry of delight.
Ratchet's eyes were wide and he felt his mind race into overdrive as his heart seemed to explode in his chest. It was only half an embrace, but it felt oh-so good – her warm body against his, even if it only lasted a second or less, her shout of joy music to his ears.
Rivet had leapt back, her hands on her head, flattening her ears as she gazed at the Skull Crusher.
"Mine…?" she repeated.
Ratchet couldn't help it as another slight smile curled his lips. Her stunned, joyous disbelief was adorable.
"Yours." He replied, simply.
She walked forward slowly, her good hand covering her mouth, the bionic one shaking as she extended it and gently lifted it from his extended arms.
She held it for a while, looking it over from back to front, side to side.
Ratchet couldn't be sure, but he could have almost sworn he saw a quickly suppressed tear of joy in her eye.
"You… you didn't have to… T-thank you… Thank you!" she stammered, her smile like the light of a thousand suns to the male Lombax.
"I wanted to." Ratchet said, shrugging modestly.
"But… how… how did you get the bolts?" Rivet asked, still smiling.
"Uhhh…" Ratchet began, but—
"Ship work." Clank said, suddenly.
Ratchet stared at him.
"Ship work, right, Ratchet?"
The Lombax suddenly caught on.
"Yeah! Ship work! Had a… big job!"
Rivet giggled - a sound Ratchet rarely heard her utter. The sound was more pleasant than the twittering of birds on a summer morning, more soothing than the sound of a gently rushing creek or the whisper of the breeze in a forest… More satisfying than the soft electrical hum of his power tools as he had worked on proton scrubs back on Veldin.
"You guys… seriously… Thank you!" she repeated, now holding the Skull Crusher in front of her, still looking over every detail of the weapon.
"Anytime, Riv…" Ratchet said quietly, watching her as she appreciated her new Skull Crusher.
"And many happy returns." Clank added.
Rivet's ears twitched.
"Huh?" she asked, still smiling, looking amused.
Ratchet gave his friend a quick nudge, confusing the diminutive bot.
Kit giggled, apparently coming to realize something that Clank had not, and which she found very amusing.
"Well… What're we waiting for?!" Rivet said suddenly, "It's only 20:15… The range is open 'til 21:00! Wanna go?!"
Rivet had a fire in her eyes – a flame that danced excitedly, and behind which Ratchet felt sure danced something else. She blinked however, and it was gone.
Ratchet grinned.
"Heck yeah I do!"
And the two Lombaxes spun on the spot and bolted back the way Ratchet and Clank had just come earlier.
Kit dashed after them.
"Come on Clank! Let us see just how powerful the Skull Crusher is!"
Clank, who had experienced quite enough action for the night, hesitated, but upon meeting her excited, bright blue fluorescent eyes, he couldn't say no.
"Yes, let us join them!"
Hundreds of thousands of miles away…
The room was dimly lit - The display on an infobot one of the few sources of light. The infobot's monitor flickers. Static for a moment, then it clears. A long-eared, furry creature wearing glasses with a diminutive robot on his back is leaping and dodging about an arena, firing shots at three battle droids.
The scene changed; a large, muscular humanoid is dueling with the same furry creature, who is wielding a wrench to defend himself.
"…Why does he look so familiar…? I feel I have seen this… creature before; his manner of fighting is known to me…"
A figure in the dark, their voice cold and harsh, was commenting on footage from the Imperial Gladiator Tournament.
The scene changed again. The small robot was disabling locks using the Colosseum security terminal.
"Wait," said the voice, "Pause here; zoom in a little."
The footage stopped and zoomed in upon the robot – upon Clank.
"Yes… I know that bot; I HAVE seen him before… But this means-"
The footage resumed, cutting to the passage leading to the colosseum's docking bay. Furioso had just deflected a blast of energy from Valen's staff, which knocked his disguise to the ground.
The figure leaned closer, and a mixture of fury and cruel pleasure welled within him.
"…It's been a while, son of Kaden."
The infobot's footage paused again.
"Have m-mercy, your Greatness I did not know…!" Valen's voice was shaking with fright.
"Peace, Lord Valen, peace. You're a fool for giving our rebel friends and this… foul creature another chance at life, but I will allow this mistake… Just this once."
"My Lord…?"
"I will need your help in the days to come… I now understand what it is we're dealing with. Yes, your recent failures all make sense now…"
A sudden rush of memories coursed through his mind.
He saw the Lombax, returning to Fastoon to face him – on the very planet that he, the all-powerful Tachyon, had almost eradicated those foul creatures from the universe for good. He saw again the fury and the might with which the eighteen-year-old Lombax had fought, cunning and strength beyond any the Cragmite ruler had ever seen in any Lombax or other worthless species before. He saw again how he, Ratchet, had crippled him before banishing him to A2-66, where he would spend the next seven years brooding over his defeat, clashing continually with that fool Artemis Zogg, and plotting his return as he built his army of Heralds.
"Not again…"
He looked at the scepter he held. It sparkled in the dim light, the pulsing, red jewel on top floating of its own accord, suspended between four miniature spires.
He saw again the flashes of red as the Lombaxes of the Alliance Rebels had rushed him – watched as one by one their lives were torn from their worthless bodies before the Alliance had fled, scurrying like rats back to their nest.
Another memory, sharper and more recent -
He watched as they ran - were scattered everywhere. Heralds on the ground, Gryphons above – firing relentlessly on the inhabitants of Havenon IV. He watched as "Holly" lifted an injured Lombax from the ground by the throat and ran the foul creature through with a retracting blade on her arm, and the wretched creature had fallen to the ground, blood pouring from his chest.
As this final vision faded, he resumed play on the security footage. He could not hear what Clank was telling Ratchet, but he knew the bot was giving the wretched creature direction as he disabled the Seraph.
He stood up, his new, mechanical, spider-like legs clunking on the marble-tile floor, looking from a much greater height that he once did.
"My lord…?"
"Come, Lord Valen; There are plans to reconsider."
"My lord… Forgive me, but we have spent weeks on our current plan to annihilate the Alliance… This is a threat unlike any we- that is to say, I have ever faced… Should we not… strike now, while the Alliance is spread thin in number, and the Lombax is fatigued from the tournament?"
"Patience, Valen; The Lombax will not be so easy to corner as his kin were. With that deathbot of his, the two shall ensure the Alliance is relocated this time tomorrow. No, he is wiser than he appears. But he has a profound weakness for playing detective wherever there is a disturbance. I am sending you to Research Station II in the Kentaros Sector; you are to prepare a welcome party for our furry friend. I shall work out the details, you worry about the manner of welcome… Sound fair? I seem to recall you enjoy the theatrics, do you not?
Lord Valen's anxious air seemed to vanish at once.
"Oh, yes indeed! In fact… I feel inspiration swirling within me even now!"
"Very good. Now be off with you! This time tomorrow the Lombax menace will be eradicated, and the Alliance will crumble; the Cragmites shall rise again at last!"
And the two villains left Tachyon's chamber, laughing insanely at their own mental images of how they will destroy the Lombax and the Rebel Alliance.