Author's Note: A glimpse inside Ana's head, especially for those of you worried that she didn't like the humiliation of Christian showing her off in front of Gail. Remember, this Ana is very different than canon.

Also, I feel like almost a trigger warning is needed here... There's a word they use in their conversation that I detest unless used by someone who identifies with it. If you're LGBTQ, you could easily take offense. I felt it was necessary to give a glimpse of the rejection BB suffered from his father, and of his father's attitude towards him.

Chapter 18: Mind Fucking Herself

"I wondered when I'd hear from you, baby girl," BB answered snarkily. "Did Grey fuck you the entire night, or did he let you get any sleep?" That was BB, always blunt and direct.

Anastasia had finished all of her work shortly before 5 p.m., at least all that she intended to do until Monday morning. It was too late in the day now to begin a new project. With about half an hour to pass before Christian was scheduled to pick her up, and also expecting that BB was probably not busy this close to quitting time on Friday afternoon, she called him. She really needed a heart to heart with her former protector and good friend.

"Hello to you too, BB," Anastasia responded, and then she got to the point herself. "What the hell am I doing?"

"Is that a yes or no about fucking the night away?" B.B. asked teasingly.

"Umm... yes, and it was good, BB. Really good. Like, out of this world good. He knows how to do things with his tongue that I can't even find words to describe. And he restrained me and blindfolded me and was just… perfect. I really enjoyed the control he took of my body. But… he's the Grey Wolf. I'm worried. He admitted to me in the car this morning when he made me tell him what I really think of Mistress Elena… he admitted that he doesn't know what he's doing and he's figuring it out as we go. I know he's trying, but… "

BB cut her off, "You've been begging me for months to present yourself to him, and now, he's come to you. He's doing shit with you that he's never done before. He let you write your own goddamn contract, which I never thought he'd do in a million years. And he wants this new thing with you just as much as you do, baby girl. He's fucking giddy about it. This man, your Dominant, he's a new Grey Wolf, not that asshole you're used to watching with those fake bitches. This Grey is right for you, Princess. And you're right for him. Stop mind fucking yourself."

"Mind fucking myself?" Anastasia asked. "How...?"

"You're telling yourself he's the fucking Grey Wolf. He doesn't contract subs for more than three months. He doesn't collar subs. But he's got you a training collar. Stop telling yourself shit that you think you know and have some faith, Princess. You've got to trust your Dom."

"We talked about that," Anastasia told him. She wanted to ask more about her training collar, but she knew BB wouldn't tell her. Instead, she confessed, "I fucked up this morning when he wanted me to keep my blouse unbuttoned in front of his housekeeper. Don't worry, he punished me for it, and we're OK now. Then, in the car, when he forced me to tell him my fears about Elena Lincoln and her subs, he talked about trust again. He said he wants me to trust him in everything, even Elena."

"How'd he respond to your fears about her?" BB asked impassively.

"Strangely," Anastasia admitted. "At first he was really angry, and then that's when he confessed that he didn't know what he was doing. He told me that he rarely admits it when he doesn't know something, but that he's wanted us to be honest from the start. So he's being honest about his strengths and weaknesses."

"Yeah, he shocked the shit out of me last night by agreeing to let me mentor him," BB said. "That just shows how much he wants this thing with you."

Anastasia continued, "He told me to follow your advice and keep avoiding Mistress Elena. He doesn't think she's a threat, but he doesn't want her to bother me."

"But you're not convinced," BB noted.

"Of course not," Anastasia agreed. "That woman is evil. But I am convinced... at least, I think I am... that he is serious about wanting... me. And not whatever he's had with her. He told me that he wants us to have the same kind of relationship that you and Jose have. You know that's what I want. It's why I went down this rabbit hole in the first place. But to hear him say that… I wasn't sure he was serious, or if he's saying that because he knows it's what I want."

BB insisted, "Christian Grey wouldn't say anything he didn't really mean, baby, no matter how much he wants you. He means it. Trust me."

"I do trust you, BB, and I'm trying to trust him. I'm afraid. But… if the way he's treated me in the past 24 hours is any indication of the Dom he really is, he is exactly what I want. I'm just… confused. I mean, there was a moment when he was talking about you and Jose that I wondered if he meant that he wants to marry me. It's ridiculous. We only signed our contract last night. We've only spent one night together so far."

"Is marriage not something you want?" BB asked.

"With him? I don't know, BB. How can I possibly know something like that yet?"

"But if it led to that, you wouldn't be opposed to it?" he pressed.

"Of course not," she answered. "Ultimately, it's what I want. I just don't know if it's him. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that he wants intimacy with me. And a real relationship. He sent me flowers, BB."

"Did he now?" BB asked amusedly. "He did insist last night that he was going to, and I told you he always means what he says. Was it a nice bouquet?"

"Yes," Anastasia answered. "Two dozen roses." She didn't mention the color or its significance. That was too personal.

"You do realize, don't you, Princess, that you're the first? He's never sent flowers to anyone. I'd be shocked if he's ever even sent them to his own mother, and I know for a fact he's never sent any to a submissive."

"I know, BB," she responded. "And tonight, we're going to the fundraiser, and by all appearances, it's a date. He's going to be photographed with me. I'm the first woman who's going to be photographed with him. People are going to believe I'm his girlfriend, and he's going to confirm it in a press statement. And he wants me to call him Christian when we're in public, with people not in the lifestyle. That's going to feel… weird."

BB snorted. "You sound more stressed out about calling your Dom by his first name than you do over the fact that you're about to become an internet sensation, baby girl."

Anastasia sighed. "I just don't want to fuck up and disappoint him, BB. I really do like him."

"Well, Princess, I can tell you because I know him well," BB said. "The feeling is mutual. You're not going to disappoint him."

"And… you really believe that he wants the same thing I want, BB? A relationship like you and Jose have? I mean… If things go where I hope they go between us, then I want him to own me. I want him to be the Dom I give all of myself to."

BB replied, "Jose's also my husband, not just my sub. We've grown together, but we were intentional about it from the beginning. You're starting out very similar to how we started out. It's important for you to have both roles for the kind of relationship you want. You need the partner/friend role that might grow into more than that. In your case, having the boyfriend/girlfriend titles for the public eye might grow into more. But you also need the Master/slave roles because it's what you both crave. There's a big difference in having one role without the other and having both. My relationship with my boy only works because we have both, and we always have, from the beginning. Before we married, we were in a committed relationship. I love that boy with all my heart. I'd lay down my life for him without a second thought."

"I know," Anastasia responded.

"Trust me, Princess, you don't want someone who humiliates you but doesn't respect you. You want both. You have to keep in mind, too, that Grey is a famous billionaire, and you're going to have a very public relationship. So unless you both want the world to know about your lifestyle, you have to appear to be in a normal dating relationship."

"But BB," Anastasia said, "I don't believe it's just for appearances. He wants intimacy."

BB replied, "The amazing thing about that is that he swore to me just a week ago that he wasn't capable of intimacy, and knowing his history as I do, I believed him. But I pushed him. I just didn't think it would work."

"Well, he obviously convinced you otherwise, because here we are," Ana commented.

"Here we are, baby girl, and I'm happy for both of you. Have I ever told you how my friendship with Christian started?"

"Umm... no?" she answered, more as a question.

"We've known each other since middle school. When we were eleven or twelve, we used to beat the hell out of each other. I was going through puberty, and my hormones were all over the place. I didn't know I was gay, but I figured it out. I didn't understand it, but I had a thing for him. I did whatever I could to touch him."

"BB... why are you telling me this?" Anastasia asked hesitantly.

"Because I want you to understand my friendship with him, so shut up and listen."

"Yes, Sir," Anastasia answered obediently.

"Good girl," he responded, and then he continued, "Christian was going through his own shit, which it's not my place to tell. He needs to tell you when he's ready. All I'll say is that he also had issues with touch. He needed it but didn't know how to get it. So he got certain... satisfaction... out of beating the shit out of me. And I let him because I enjoyed it. And before you ask, no, I'm not a fucking sub, and never even considered it. I didn't know shit about BDSM back then. I just wanted his hands on me. He wasn't anything like the Greek god that he is now, but..."

"BB! This is really getting awkward!" Anastasia exclaimed.

"I told you to shut up and listen, girl," he responded harshly. "I have a point to make, and you're going to hear it."

"Yes, Sir," she responded again.

"Understand, Princess, I lusted after him, but he never reciprocated. There's not a gay bone in his perfect body. Our history is nothing like yours and Jose's. We didn't experiment sexually, but he did help me discover myself, because there was no other way to explain how I felt about him except that I was gay. I was pretty young when I came out. It's one reason my relationship with my asshole father was so bad. He didn't like having a faggot for a son."

Anastasia was shocked because BB never talked about his father, an abusive workaholic who made his teenage years miserable. She knew about him from Jose, and BB knew she knew. All she said was, "BB, you know I hate that word."

"So do I, Princess," he answered, sounding reflective. "Anyway, when we were in the sixth and seventh grades, we got into fights all the time. I gave him a few black eyes and bloody noses, but he gave it to me worse. Even broke a few ribs in one particularly bad fight. Like I said, I liked it though. I used to do shit just to set him off. When he had me pinned down, on top of me, I was where I wanted to be."

"BB, I really don't..."

"Shut up and listen," BB commanded, and he didn't give her time to respond. "When we started eighth grade, things changed. At the beginning of the semester, I came out. I told one girl who I thought was a friend, and by the end of the day, the entire school knew. And then the bullying started. I wasn't the sexy giant I am today. I was a skinny, lanky kid, and a lot of the guys were bigger than me, maybe not taller, but definitely more filled out. Christian was no exception."

"Did he bully you, too?" Anastasia asked worriedly.

"No, not at all. The opposite, actually. It's how we became friends. When he saw other kids picking on me, he stood up for me. Beat the hell out of them instead of me. From then on, he became my protector until I was strong enough to protect myself. We started lifting weights together, and he taught me self defense. He'd been taking classes for a few years."

"So your... sexual identity wasn't an issue to him?" Anastasia asked.

BB laughed. "Oh, it was an issue. Every time he caught me ogling him, he'd say, "I'm not going to fuck you." It's still a joke between us to this day. Don't be surprised if you hear him tell me that he's still not going to fuck me. I knew from the beginning that I didn't have a snowball's chance in hell with him. It didn't stop me from wanting him, but I eventually got over it. Even had a few... encounters... with other boys. I dated a couple of different guys later, in high school. He never judged. It just wasn't his scene."

"I'm glad he wasn't mean to you," Anastasia said.

BB laughed again. "Oh, he was mean to me, but only before he found out I was gay. After he stood up for me that day, well, I guess I stopped trying to pick fights with him. I respected him too much. I love the guy, and I have since then, but I knew he was straight. But ever since then, I've wanted to see him happy. I've wanted to see him find the right one for him. And I think maybe, now I have."

"What, you think I'm 'the one' for him?" Anastasia asked mockingly.

BB answered seriously, "Jest not, sweetness. Jose didn't believe in 'the one' either until he met me. But you know better than anyone how he changed his tune on that. And I remember his words to you when you laughed at him: 'Laugh at me all you want, sister, but your turn will come.' Maybe it has."

Anastasia sighed. "BB, listen, I like Christian. A lot. And I respect your opinion a lot too. But neither Christian nor I have even been in a longterm relationship before. I think you're getting ahead of yourself. We need to take each day as it comes."

"All I am saying is that you should leave yourself open to every possibility," BB insisted.

"OK, I'll do that. Thanks, BB," she answered sincerely.