Three is a Party

Time is a construct. All in this world is part of the unfathomable mechanism of the universe, each little atom a gear turning the unstoppable wheel towards the End of Everything. The planet swirls and spins in its eternal song and dance: seasons, days, nights, all re-enacting themselves in meaningless repetition. Life is but the endless cycle of salary day and paying the bills. As subjective as it is, time is the glue that binds it all together into something understandable to the lowly, imperfect human mind.

However, these bindings come with caveats, for meat creatures do not measure quantities by empirical values. No, humans and human-complex creatures thrive on emotional logic, turning what should be straightforward into an abstract, stretchable amount based only on its worth to the brain.

In the tip of that double-edged sword lied this very instant.

Yuuki Terumi, a malignant shade of green glow whose figure evoked only the vaguest idea of a person, had seized the last forty-eight minutes to fill the room with tales of His divine glory. It was a slight improvement over his previous thirty-two minutes of loud complaints, and just another fifty minutes and thirty-seven seconds short of his record for longest gloating in a single sitting.

As for Ragna the Bloodedge, the bedridden man whose tired ears had to endure the nasal voice's constant stream of remarks, this lowly number might as well have been the time passed since the universe's conception.

After all, Terumi, in his current situation could not ever, possibly get out of breath. "And that's how I passed the law for government-funded Karaoke bars in every Hierarchical City," the spectre declared with joyous glee, long arms folded behind his bobbly ethereal head. "Yeah, yeah, I'm awesome, I know. Hold the applause."

Ragna the Bloodedge blinked, no longer sure of what year it was. "Huh."

It had been a while. A while of an annoying one-eyed shadow getting comfy in his bed, wrapping those strange boneless arms around his shoulders and, in general, getting friskier than the man would enjoy even if he weren't deadly afraid of translucent apparitions.

The worst still was just how much Terumi liked to hear the sound of his own damn voice. If only that bastard could be affected by the very human need of taking a sip of water between raspy words, for a change… Needless to say, Ragna's ears were suffering despair beyond despair.

"Say, did I tell you about Lapislazuli yet? Man, you had to be there to see it. She was one hell of a crazy bitch, but damn, was it entertaining!"

The zero one percent of Ragna's brain cells that cared for the words he could hear stirred up. "I remember that name."

"Oh, yeah, you got to meet her too, didn't you, Ragna-kun!" Terumi laughed it out, which was never a good sound to hear, especially when the man of the Azure was trying to search for something in his memories. "You and No-Name teamed up against Meifang's brat! Boy, what a shitshow that was!"

Ragna scowled. "We were winning, okay?!"

"Winning? Hah, sure!" the spectre teased, smugly. "You were getting beaten up by the shittiest of little shitty bloodsuckers there are! If it weren't for No-Name and her rag team of idiotic pals, you would be deader than disco, again," Terumi gladly declared. "Oh, poor Ragna-kun, always the delicate damsel."

The man growled between his teeth. "The moment I get up from this bed, I swear, Terumi…!"

"Oh? Are you gonna fight, finally? Or are you just going to flop pathetically like a fish out of water until your precious number one fan gets her ass off the front row seat? Boy, does she love to bail you out!" the spectre scoffed with the most pleased of red neon smiles. "Being the protagonist must be so nice."

"I don't ask for it!" Ragna complained. "That damn rabbit's the one always sticking her nose into things, okay!"

"Yeah, because when she doesn't, you just die," Terumi replied, curling one of the man's hair spikes with his glowy finger. "You are absolutely awful at staying alive, Ragna-kun. Just unbelievably terrible at it. Honestly, if you weren't so damn important, I'd advise you to stop trying altogether."

"Go to hell," Ragna the Bloodedge tried to slap the shade's hand away, but his own went right through it, grimly reminding him of the fact that the semi-transparent bastard was more on the spiritual side of things. "You s-stupid g-ghost!"

"Your tsundere's showing, Ragna-kun," Terumi gladly poked his face, much to the man's disgust. The spectre's simplistic features were almost fully taken by that preciously despicable neon smile. "A bad boy with puppy eyes, eh? I guess I can see what she likes about you. Every heroine loves a cute little mutt of a man, they wanna take him home and feed him treats," Terumi remarked with a flourish. "Personally, I love like kicking them more."

Ragna almost wished they could go back to the previous topic. Almost. "Not to cut this wonderful talk short, but isn't it about time you get the hell out!"

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not leaving, Ragna-kun," Terumi declared in such a powerful threat that it might as well be classified as a terrorist act. "You want me out, pick me up and take me back home yourself! Preferably princess-carry, but I won't complain about a piggyback ride either."

"Oh, that's grand! You want me to waltz into the Librarium and go 'Hey there, lost and found, here to bring back a ghost someone dropped in the sewers', yeah, like that'd go well!" the man pulled up the blanket, turning his back on the spectre. "Go to hell, Terumi."

"You wanna get rid of me so bad, why don't you call goddamn twintails to do the heavy lifting for you! It's the only thing you're good for, your sorry excuse of a mutt!" the shade lied his entire weight of a few milligrams over his shoulder, whining on Ragna's ear. "I'm sure miss little princess and her ugly mascot duo will love to intervene again, since you can't do shit on your damn own."

And here they were, back to square one. Ragna the Bloodedge valiantly covered his head with the pillow, making the pissed-off shade groan in frustration. Despite his extremely charismatic ways with people, Terumi somehow was unable to get Ragna to turn back. He tried every way he knew. Threats, poking every possible inch of uncovered skin he could find, threats, trying to pull the pillow away, more threats, whining, and even his last resort: threatening remarks. Absolutely nothing moved the man of the Azure.

The irritated shade sat up, using Ragna's butt as a backrest, despite not even having a spine to keep straight. Arms and legs crossed, he considered self-introspection for a millisecond, before his vile mind immediately scraped the idea. In its stead, a wicked thought curled his red pretence of a mouth.

"Ragna-kun," Terumi called out, though of course the man continued to ignore him. "Have you ever heard of the Phantom of the Opera?"

Ragna the Bloodedge, who was doing his very best and yet failing not to listen to what the half-transparent bastard said, furrowed his brows under the pillow. Whatever that damn asshole was up to, from the very pleased tone of his voice, it couldn't be good.

Terumi dramatically took a breath, and realizing the crime that was about to be committed against his eardrums, Ragna immediately regretted everything.

*THUNDER*

Through the closed ceiling of the Kaka village resounded the deafening ire of the Heavens above. The man of the Azure could only react through instinct, curling up to protect himself before even understanding the danger gathered in the ionized air. With the faint scent of roses, the punishment came from above, zapping the ghost in a bolt of pink lighting. "GYAAH?!"

A soft, sweet breeze brushed Ragna's hair, and he raised his head a bit. "My, I grace a maggot such as yourself with my presence only to find you mingling with this cretin? Honestly, I expected a little better even from a mannerless breed such as yourself, Ragna the Bloodedge."

Rachel Alucard, with all of her regal annoyance, looked down upon the bed, the bedridden man and the electrified shadow fuming at his side. "Oh, look who's here, her majestic pain in the ass! Took your sweet time, you shitty bloodsucker!"

"I saw no reason to rush, given your current inability of, well, being," she replied with a wave of the black parasol. "Although, Terumi, surely you must agree that soiling the air with your brand of 'singing' is a tad tasteless, even for the likes of one such as yourself."

"Honestly, you should be ashamed of even considering it. That's beyond evil," the parasol, Nago, chided him.

"Yep, I'm just glad the Princess got him in time!" the squeaky toy of a bat, Gii, added. "Go, Princess!"

Terumi's gaze sharpened, or at least that's what he wished it did, but the truth is that his singular neon eye merely squinted a bit. "Do we really need the mascots now. Seriously. We're swooping that low?"

Rachel Alucard did the polite version of a shrug. That is to say, she turned her gaze away, unbothered. "As if there is a low you won't willingly reach," the petite vampire remarked, gazing upon the precious golden hide of the fallen Pakumen, left behind by Dead Spike-San as it vanished away in unpetted frustration. "As usual, illness and death pile on your path."

"Hey, I know I'm the bad guy here, but I'll let you know this one wasn't on me," Terumi huffed, long arms crossed awkwardly and leaving a lot of empty space on the sides of his small ethereal torso. "That was my ride, until Hazama kindly decided to be a little shit."

"Oh?" Rachel squeezed her pillow-like servant with interest. "So you and your vessel had a little… falling out, would you say?"

Needless to say, the red crescent moon was not in his black sky of a face after that remark. "Peeping into people's personal moments for your own amusement again, aren't we, bloodsucker. And you say I'm in poor taste?"

Her queenly gaze held nothing but contempt. "My, have you forgotten my role?"

"Oh yeah, great job with the whole 'being in the audience and not skewing the narrative' thing. You're doing so well. Want a little golden star for your efforts?" Terumi scoffed. "Did you come just to take a better look too? Watch and laugh at my lowest point? Well, enjoy, because I'm not taking my leave until these damn curtains close, Takamagahara be damned."

Ragna the Bloodedge was still valiantly turning his back on the entire debauchery, doing his best impression of a person who doesn't exist in the vain hope that these two idiots would continue arguing outside his range of hearing. Or that this whole nonsense talk would be enough to fry his remaining brainpower and knock him out. Whichever came first.

"So, what will it be, you shitty bloodsucker? You wanna go at it?"

For the first time since her arrival, the petite vampire showed a small smile. "Unlike certain, more overbearing characters, I merely wish to progress the narrative at a reasonable pace. You must agree that we've been stuck in this limbo for long enough."

"Oh yeah," Terumi mocked. "And how do you plan on doing that."

Placing the parasol-cat down, she took a step closer. "Gii. Nago. Tell Valkenhayn to have tea ready by midnight," she ordered. "The three of us will be going on a little night walk."

"Just so you know, I'm not walking."

"Wait, wait, what the hell do you mean the three of us!" Ragna could no longer pretend not to hear them. "I don't recall ever agreeing to this, rabbit! I'm bedridden, for god's sake!"

Terumi held his shoulder with his long, shapeless fingers. "For My sake, I am taking you with me, Ragna the Bloodedge. I need at least one punching bag that won't screw me back."

"FUCK OFF—!"

Seeing as they were all in agreement, the Bystander went ahead and teleported them, away and away to far off, unknown lands.

Speaking of grand adventures, unexplored lands and everlasting bonds forged over fiery battles… "Over here, Green Person!"

"Let me go, you imbecile cat! Just because I'm not sneezing my artificial lungs out doesn't mean I'm your goddamn friend!"

Ah, yes, the ever-so-joyous, soon to become protector of the Kaka village, Taokaka. Along with the trustful companion attained in this long, perilous journey, she trekked through the wilderness of orange lantern-lit streets, perilous back alleys, curious trash cans that may or may not hide a beloved brother, and many more such obstacles in search of their ultimate goal: the Azure.

"Let's go, Green Person! Can't get lost on an empty stomach, meow!"

"You very much can and I'd argue it's the norm, actually!"

Azure Curry, as shown in the pamphlet Taokaka gripped in her clawed kitty paw, was the masterpiece dish advertised in the newest shop of Orient Town. A hidden gem of the culinary scene with awe-inspiring cuisine unlike anything in this world, the tiny shop had seemingly sprung out of nowhere, its promise of "rare and mysterious curry" plastered all over the narrowest alleyways of Kagutsuchi.

Hazama, understandably, was not so keen on the idea, and fought the laser-focused Taokaka from dragging him along every single step of the way. Unfortunately, that was for naught. The Mad Puppeteer might have built him sturdy enough to survive the stomach of a goo creature, but a cat creature's hunger was another beast entirely, much to his dismay.

And so, after many obstacles, there the duo stood, before the doors of destiny: Maha Raja's storefront.

"Let's go in, let's go in, meow!"

"Once again," he gritted his teeth, trying and failing to slip out of her sharp kitty clutches one final time. "I never agreed to take you for a walk, much less treat you to dinner!"

"But Green Person, you can't possibly leave meow out here all alone and hungry! That'd be evil and like, really really bad!" Taokaka replied with cold, hard facts, that still unfortunately failed to move the vessel's lack of a heart. "Tao's doing her best to help Good Guy! I can't do it if my belly's all sad and empty, meow!"

"Again you fail to say what exactly that has to do with m—"

"YOU'RE LATE, NEWBIES!"

The strong declaration sent a chill up the skin of his neck. "This voice…!" Hazama twirled on his heels, one hand over his hat, ready for battle with the rattle of chains. "Done with your silly digital card games already, Professor Koko—"

But, as the serpents of darkness bared their fangs, his other hand was still not freed from the paw of an also startled Kaka. "Myah!?"

One Ouroboros snakehead bumped on Tao's shoulder, making her jump and kitty-slap his back. With the force of the sudden impact, Hazama once again was tasked with testing his makeup job against the floor, this time cold porcelain.

It remained intact, unlike his ego as the vessel tasted dust and sauce drops. "God damn it."

The woman standing before the two crossed her arms, and it was the shadow of a generous cleavage that clued him into this mistaken identity case. "You're late! My, how can you even agree to an interview like this, the nerve of the youth these days!"

Hazama tried to look up at the uncovered legs before him, but his illicit staring was cut short by a yank of his collar.

"Come on, straighten up, where's your best smile? You can't serve the customers like this, newbie!"

She also had pink hair, and an eerily similar voice, and the same terrible attitude, but she lacked the killer elements. That is, the cat features. And glasses. After learning of Terumi's attempts at fun in the last 80 years, Hazama made sure to never screw around with glasses-wearers. They can choose to stop looking at their sins at any point, that's just too much of an advantage.

"So, what do you say! Are you here for curry, or are you here for curry?"

Wait, he was lost in thought, what did he miss. "We want all the curry, meow!"

"But can you withstand the true power of knowledge! Can you dedicate yourself to the culinary pursuit, no matter what harm may come, no matter what intense battles and insurmountable obstacles stand in your way!"

Why was this lady on fire.

"Can you hold on to your belief in the true nature of curry, even when it all seems hopeless?! Can you look up to the unknown future, to the next plate, and find the will to fight the turning wheel of fate?! What do you say, newbie! Can. You. Do it!?"

Hazama opened his mouth to answer. "Tao is always ready for the next plate, meow!"

"That's…! This mysterious look in your eyes, the enigmatic curl of your lips…!" the vessel stared at the woman, dumbfounded. "You're fellow wanderers in search of the Truth as well, aren't you!"

Out of nowhere, she slapped a bundle of clothes over his hat.

"Very well! Show me what you've got!"

Relius Clover was doing what mad scientists do best. That is, idling about in their dark scary office, sipping their dark black coffee and staring at their computer screens that showed dark important data. Darkly, of course, as he was a villain with proper pizzazz and a glorious cape to boot.

He was in the process of recovering a file long erased from the main system. Or, in Blazblue-ian terms, the Engineering Colonel was undertaking a procedure to salvage a certain body from the depths of the Boundary.

One could wonder if perhaps it was easier to just make a new one, but Relius Clover was a man of his word, and he told Terumi the ghost would not be getting any new toys. The doll-making process wasn't nearly as showy as taking something out of the Boundary, after all, and he couldn't let a half-beastkin be the only person in the world to have this honour.

To that end, he was currently operating the world's largest and most expensive up-and-across claw crane. It was a costly game, but the tab wasn't on him, so it didn't matter that he already missed about 18 times.

There were two possible prizes, one far less desirable than the other, on account of how full of himself Terumi would be if he got his hands on the Unit again. Also, the mere thought of having more than 20% of Hakumen existing in the current world was not for the faint of heart.

Therefore, Relius was aiming for the one of his own creation, a humbler choice, and the one that'd surely give him less of a headache. It's very important to think long-term when finding gifts for your loved, less loved, indifferent and unwillingly-stuck-with-you-for-eternity ones.

Deeply concentrated, Relius positioned the claw down to the picometre (that is ten to the minus twelfth of a metre, or the current proportions of Arakune as he fled from Litchi's lecture again) and let go of the buttons. The metal dropped slowly, loudly, as far down as the rope reached before finally closing around the little spot. The Engineering Colonel focused on his computer screen, the rest of the world fading out.

Slowly, the dot began to move.

As anyone could plainly see, the vessel's free night was going quite well. "Uh, ma'am…?"

"The name's Ringo, newbie number 3! Ringo Akagi!" the fiery lady replied with a proud smile, beckoning him out of the changing room. "Aren't you ever the slow one! Get the memo and drag your ass over here already!"

Hazama, in fact, did not. "Yeah, um, about that. Are you sure you gave me the men's uniform?"

"'Course I did, silly! You may be handsome, but there's no way you'd fit in the ladies' one, now is there?"

"Hey, some ladies are lacking too!" he replied out of misplaced pride.

"Lacking? What the hell are you lacking, newbie? You got the looks, the charisma, that cutiepie smile," if this was her attempt at persuading him, the vessel didn't feel particularly complimented. "Now stop being shy and get! Over! Here!"

"Nooo!"

She pulled him out before Hazama could lock himself inside. He still struggled, hanging onto the doorframe for dear life, but the woman's small hands were unexpectedly strong, and his fingers could not endure it.

Especially since he had to compromise one hand to pull that damn microskirt back down. "See, it looks great on you!"

"It does not!"

She locked the changing room's door from the outside before he could even think of slipping back in there. "Now that we're all set, gather 'round, recruits! It's time for your mission!"

Hazama held back a sigh. If only his clothes weren't dirty beyond hope, he would never have taken them off in the first place. Especially not before checking out that stupid uniform he was given… And he didn't even want to be here in the first place! It was kidnapping! Catnapping!

Speaking of napping cats… "Chief, we have a problem!"

Taokaka lied sprawled out in the lounge, sleeping like a little angel of pain, mischief and kitty fur. She was also wearing that stupid maid café uniform, complete with a black apron decorated by a colourful assortment of food crumbs.

"What's the situation, Newbie 1?"

Hazama turned his head just in time to see a salute. "Chief Akagi, I'm afraid most of our ingredients have vanished!"

The woman's light blue eyes bulged. "What?! How! The new supply arrived two hours ago!"

How, indeed, the vessel wondered as he side-eyed the sleeping Kaka's suspiciously pronounced stomach. "Wh-What shall we do, Chief?"

Hazama didn't like the sharp glint on the Ringo woman's gaze. "Newbies 2 and 3, your moment to shine has arrived earlier than expected! I need you to—"

"C-C-Captain Hazama?"

His narrow eyes met the blonde girl's befuddled ones, and it was by very little that Hazama held back a sigh. Staring intensely at him, Noel Vermillion fidgeted, completely red from the neck up. The figure-fitting uniform didn't do much for her lacking assets, being a black-and-white downgrade from her usual NOL outfit at most.

Still, it made the vessel realize a very minor detail that differed between their outfits… "Wait, why do I get the backless dress!?"

"Eek?!"

The poor girl flinched with his sudden remark, but Hazama wasn't paying attention to her anymore. "What the hell is this about!? She's even wearing full thighs, why am I stuck with these see-through socks?! I demand an explanation!"

Ringo stared him down with a bored expression. "What, don't sweat the small stuff."

"Half of my torso is exposed! And my butt too!"

"Tsk, tsk," she grabbed him by the neck. "Newbie 3, have you never heard of Zettai Ryouiki?"

"Are you saying I'm the eye-candy?!"

She slapped his shoulder proudly. "There you go! I knew you were sharper than you let on! My intuition never fails me," twirling a set of keys in one hand, Ringo Akagi quickly hopped to the door. "Now, since you're already acquainted, I'm skipping the introductions, 'kay? Be right back! Hold up the fort while I'm gone!"

"Wait, wait a second—!"

"That is your first mission, Newbies! Don't disappoint me!"

With these uplifting parting words, she was gone, slamming the front door shut. The tiny golden bell above it rung in the silence of the room, and outside, screeching wheels made one question the role of cars and general automotive vehicles in a world where most cities had gone vertical. Of course, these questions were to stay unanswered, for they were not the focus of this particular venture.

Now, as the Kaka's snores stretched the already awkward silence, the only thing to mull over was how exactly the vessel was to get out of his situation. That situation being the dreadful state of having to work on his day off, of course. If he had a soul, it'd be crushed. "C-Captain Hazama…"

He mechanically turned his head in her direction. "Lieutenant."

They blinked at each other slowly.

That was not a useful method of communication. "So, um, how did you… I mean, I'm still a bit confused after all that happened… Actually, weren't you supposed to…"

"Lieutenant."

"Y-Yes!"

Hazama tried to pull a knife out of his pocket, but soon remembered he didn't have pockets anymore. Or knives. "I need you to pretend I'm holding a sharp object against your throat. Preferably a balisong, stainless steel, 4.5 inches."

"That is… very specific, but I'll try my best."

Her encouraging nod and considerate eyes were absolutely ruining this already terrible moment. "Ahem," the vessel cleared his throat. "If you tell someone about—"

"About the dress, right, sir? I'll make sure no one knows of it!"

He blinked. She didn't notice. "Very well, and also—"

"And about your need for a second job, I'll keep it under wraps as well! Nobody in the NOL will know your salary isn't covering your expenses!"

Her helpfulness was a bit unexpected, but he played along. "That too, would be—"

"A-And I won't tell anyone that you're not wearing underwear!"

Hazama's smile stiffened.

"A-Also, I'm sure the customers won't mind, sir! Given that you already are, erm, so very… breath-taking!"

"Lieutenant…"

"The skirt does compliment your figure very well, sir!"

"Lieutenant Vermillion…"

"It's just a glimpse while you're standing, it leaves a lot to the imagination, so—"

He shut her mouth with his hand. "What is your position in this restaurant, Noel Vermillion?"

"Eh? Oh, ah'e been appoinhed 'oo eh ki'hen, Caphain!"

Taking a deep, calming breath, he slowly lowered his hand again. "Then why don't you get back there and—"

Before he could finish, the shop's phone began to ring. Noel ran over to it lightning quick, pen and notepad in one hand, clearly in possession of a prior training that earned her the number one spot in the newbie ranking. "Welcome to Maha Raja! Would you like to place an order…"

And then all of her confidence crumbled into dust as the person on the other side of the line deviated from the script. Hazama was almost amused as he watched her fumble with the landline.

"Oh, oh… I'm terribly sorry, we are understaffed today…! I-I-I'll be sending it right away! Yep. Yes, yes. J-Just a moment longer… oh, thank you very much for your understanding! Goodbye! Have a nice evening…!"

Amazingly, Noel Vermillion managed to hang up before the snot and tears overtook her façade. Seeing her turn to him, Hazama avoided eye contact, lest he caught whatever brand of stupid the Azure girl had going on. "What's the matter?"

"Apparently there was… a delivery scheduled…" Noel sobbed while wiping her face clean. "And I dunno if we even have it ready…"

Seeing that she was about to burst into tears, Hazama finally let out that long, tired sigh that had been building in the depths of his throat for a while now. "Let's whip something up."

The girl sniffed loudly. "But how? All our ingredients—"

"They do say the most important ingredient is heart," the vessel held her shoulder firmly, showing a reassuring smile. "I'm sure Ms. Akagi would agree that a dish made with it is more important than anything that just merely follows a step-by-step recipe. Creativity and thinking outside the box are invaluable skills to hone, after all."

The green eyes shone brightly with that glint of hope. "So you think…"

"Yes," slipping one hand into the open-view kitchen, Hazama grabbed a butter knife. "So let's cut that little beast open and serve its heart on a plate."

"Eh?"

"I'm sure they'll be pleased!"

It would seem that that loud, lousy woman's fiery attitude had rubbed off on him a bit. Not that it was ever a bad thing to be inspired, of course. "W-W-Wait, Captain!" Noel Vermillion grabbed his arm before the vessel could enact his devious plan. "I don't think that's what the phrase means!"

"Lieutenant, if you don't give me this moment, I'm cutting your salary in half!"

"You're not the manager, you don't have this kind of power here!"

She held him in place, and Hazama struggled between trying to get her off his back and trying not to feel too self-conscious about the fact there was nothing covering his lower parts from this cold, harsh world.

"Just! Let me! Have! This…!"

"STOP… IT!"

Harnessing the power of love, friendship and curry, Noel Vermillion suplexed him. Truly, she was the proud Successor of the Azure the looping world yearned for so long. If Ringo Akagi were here to behold this moment, she'd have bestowed the title of store manager to the young trainee in a heartbeat.

The youthful gale twirled in the air, trying the steps of a hesitant dancer. Soft and sweet it spun, higher and higher and aiming for the very sky. Following its lead soon came the petals, seeds and leaves, spiralling along into the breeze's joyful whispers. Rustling called back to gusts, and the uncertain twists became lost in the wind's renewed confidence. Stronger, determined, it spun until the greens and browns and reds became speckles on the air alongside it, and through this magical sight the shadows coalesced into three distinct figures.

As the trio arrived, the whirlwind finished its spectacle, led by its liege to shower a particular phantasm in its fair-scented petals as it exited the stage. "Ew! Now I'm gonna smell like shitty vampire garden all night!"

The next one to voice his complains was, with little surprise, the holder of the title of unluckiest man in the looping world. "Rabbit, what the hell's your problem!"

"My, how loud must you bark," Rachel Alucard replied, though it was difficult to tell which one she referred to. "Surely a change of airs will prove useful to collect your thoughts."

"The only thing I want to collect is your damn head on a silver platter," the shade readily replied, though his threat lacked just as much as his current features. "If you wanna get rid of me, bring me to wherever the hell that rat bastard of a vessel is, and I'll make sure to postpone your suffering a while longer."

"I hardly believe that to be a productive course of action, but I shall keep the possibility in mind," the regal vampire damsel jested, gesturing to the quaint brick road ahead. "Now, shall we take our leave?"

"Why the hell did you teleport here if we still gotta walk?!" Terumi readily complained, as if he hadn't done that enough thorough this entire misadventure of a night. "You little shits don't know what magic's for!"

"It is you, boy, who fails to grasp the situation as always," she chided him, as an eternal child herself. "Surely I wouldn't rob you the opportunity of taking the first step on your quest."

Having taken enough steps to give up walking altogether, the spectre sulked as he realized he was standing up perfectly fine. "Heh. Sure, you might've fixed my legs with your fancy little breeze—"

"I assure you there's nothing in my power to fix any part your situation."

"But I'm not gonna play your shitty little games, vampire," he spewed the word out with the disgust inherent to his godly being. "There's nothing you can do to convince me so just give up and—"

"Oh, and what do we have here?" Rachel Alucard raised her hand as the servile wind gladly brought her a yellowish piece of paper. "Let us see… Hazama, Prince of Darkness, is to hold a great ball in the night of the red moon."

"Wait, what!"

"All in his kingdom are invited to attend, to celebrate the Prince's wedding," raising her gaze to meet the neon green orb that floated in the depths of vileness, she showed a restrained smile. "It does sound like a lovely change of scenery, does it not?"

Ragna the Bloodedge, tired and grumpy and not willing to waste his time trying to guess what those two idiots were speaking in-between the lines, watched the sudden staring contest with suspicion. "You brought us to this dump to attend a wedding?"

"A ball, to be exact," the vampire damsel corrected him.

The man of the Azure just sighed, well aware of her trickster side. "Rabbit, what the hell are you cooking—"

The vile spectre suddenly snatched the piece of paper out of her hand. "What are we waiting for, you shitty bloodsucker!" he declared with vicious glee, holding it up, the flag of that unexpected allegiance. "Let's crash that party!"

"Wait, what!"

"I am glad we are all in agreement," the regal little lady turned as the wind blew. "Then, let us go find proper garments for the occasion, shall we?"

"Sign me in, baby," Terumi replied, more than pleased, if the crescent moon in his face was any indication. "Oh, just for the record, this is a temporary truce. I'm not ever associating with the likes of you by choice, you hear, shitty bloodsucker."

"That arrangement is fine by me."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Ragna called out, still as confused as ever when it came to these two and their nonsense talks. "Where are we going! Why are we going! And why are you all deciding this shit on your own!"

The one-eyed shade turned to him with such palpable contempt that the man of the Azure was compelled to punch his idiotic translucent face. "We're going to the ball, Ragna-kun. Are you getting old? Aren't your ears working? You should get that checked, buddy, it's bad rep for a protagonist to not listen when other people talk."

"Look who's saying!" he growled back. "And I'm not your damn buddy!"

"It is as such. We shall attend the Prince of Darkness' celebratory ball, tonight on the red moon," the petite vampire explained, regally ignoring the previous outburst. "It is merely a distraction, to help soothe your weary mind and body. Perhaps, with hope, this rest will also sharpen your comprehension of more complex sentences."

It was at this point Ragna the Bloodedge realized he didn't have his sword. "Listen up, you assholes, I heard what you were talking about. I just don't get why we're crashing some random wedding."

Terumi scoffed. "Because it's Hazama. Duh!"

"Yeah, but last I remember, that shady guy you're after was an officer from the NOL, not a 'Prince of Darkness' from wherever the hell this place is," Ragna complained. "Are we really gonna screw up a random guy just because they have the same name as your 'vessel' or whatever it is?"

"I mean."

The spectre raised both hands in a dramatization of a shrug. The gesture did its job to communicate his dismissal in a reasonable fashion, as well as to distract about his lack of proper shoulders. "You mean?"

"You really think I'm gonna pass the chance?"

Remembering who he was dealing with, Ragna the Bloodedge felt stupid for asking. "I wanna go home."

"We shall return in time for tea," Rachel Alucard promised, with the kindest words the man of the Azure had heard this entire night. "So, to enjoy every instant to its fullest, it is best we make our move."

Once again, a mocking laugh left the spectral one's lack of lips. "'We', huh. Really feels wrong having you on my side, bloodsucker."

"The feeling is mutual."

And so, as friendly as they could get without the required acquaintanceship stabbing, the unlikely trio began their trek down the yellow brick road. The wind on their backs whistled a cheerful melody to what would surely be a time much enjoyed by all.

Hello, ProxyEdgy here,

This fanfic isn't abandoned, I've just been very tired and self-conscious. Sometimes it feels like nothing I do is good enough, and I have to remind myself that writing this is something I do for fun. So, let's not be "good enough". I enjoy this, and that's what matters. Cheers to "Just Being", and until next chapter.