AN: In the interest of maintaining a steady writing schedule, I am going to start posting new chapters in pieces, which will be in the side story tabs of this thread until the last segment, at which point these will be compiled into a single chapter. Apologies if you prefer bigger chapters.
The Baudelaires were perplexed by the letter they had read - they did not expect to be contacted by their aunt's superiors. It didn't make sense for a high-level government group to have interest in one particular family's problems. Did this mean they knew about VFD?
The Baudelaires pondered this for a few minutes, before turning their minds to a different question-should they accept the offer? It did seem suspicious, and while they doubted it was a trick by Count Olaf, there was no way they could be sure. If it WAS an honest offer, however, then they would be fools to refuse. The help the FBC could provide was…well, probsbly more than Mr. Poe could manage - how much help their other allies could provide was currently up in the air.
After much debate, they ultimately decided it best to accept the offer. They then tried to contact Jesse, but to their surprise, she didn't answer phone after multiple calls. This filled them with apprehension, but the feeling passed after a moment - there were perfectly logical explanations for her lack of reply.
Though for the time being, it seemed they would have to reach the Bureau, and a whole new world of misfortune, on their own.
Stepping out of the taxi, the Baudelaires glanced at the structure before them. They had expected many things of the place their current guardian worked at, but what they saw wasn't exactly one of them.
"Ok," began Violet, "I wasn't exactly expecting Jesse to work at a..brutalist?"
"Brutalist," confirmed Klaus.
"Right, Brutalist skyscraper. Is it even up to modern building code?"
"Hey," spoke the taxi driver, "you kids need to get anywhere else?"
"Uh, no," answered Klaus, "and thank you for bringing us here."
"Don't mention it."
Then the man sped off.
"…This is our last chance to turn back, Violet."
"I know, Klaus. But this might be our best chance to get additional help figuring out Olaf and VFD."
"I know."
""Onwards," said Sunny, which here meant "let's go."
And so they did, stepping into the halls of the Oldest House.
A few moments after the door closed behind them, a car pulled up in front of the Oldest House, out of which came a man with a balding head, a universe, and a tattoo of an eye. Said man stepped around for a few moments, puzzled, before a woman's voice called out to him.
"Olaf, darling, what is it?"
"…Nothing, Esme. I just thought I saw something. I'm coming back in now."
Confused as to why he had exited his car in the first place, Count Olaf took one last look around, then returned to his car and drove off. A few minutes later, a smaller car parked in front of the Oldest House, out of which another man with a unibrow and a tattoo of an eye on his ankle stepped out, also looking around in confusion. He too would only return to his car after being called back by a woman, this one with glasses. And so it was that both parties drove off, unaware of how close their goals had been to success, or what horrors lurked within the Oldest House.
The receptionist was not expecting the three children (well, technically one baby, one child, and one teen) to enter the Oldest House. "I'm sorry, but who are you?"
"I'm Violet Baudelaire," began the girl, "he's Klaus, and she is Sunny. We were asked to come here."
"By who?" The man questioned. "Was it Ms. Faden?"
"Jesse?"
"You know her first name?"
"Yes, she's our aunt and our current guardian. But she isn't the one who asked us to come here today?"
The man felt annoyance rising in his gut. Who would ask three minors to come to the Oldest House, especially when they were dealing with a…well, an incident?
"Then who requested your presence here?"
"….The Federal Bureau of Control Oversight Board."
….What? "What?"
"Here's the letter we received requesting our presence."
Confused, and now slightly nervous, the receptionist took the letter in question and began reading. By the time he was finished, he had started sweating, lost much of the color on his face, and looked distinctly unnerved. "Ah, I see. My apologies. My name is Henry Rogers, by the way, sorry for the lack of introduction. We just…aren't used to visitors."
"I doubt a government agency receives many visitors on the average day."
"Depends - Congress and the White House get their fair share of visitors. But at least here, you are correct. Now, uh, let me lead you inside."
The children complied. But as he lead them down to the elevator that would deliver them further into the Oldest House, Henry couldn't help but think back onto today's schedule, and wonder if perhaps the Board couldn't have rescheduled the meeting to later - especially given what else had been moved to today.
Due to a change in the schedules of our colleagues today, we will be receiving artifacts from the Zone of Alienation today, instead of next week. It is imperative they are secured before the storage sites are ransacked or destroyed by the ongoing conflict. Please prepare adequately for a possible Altered World Event.
The Baudelaires silently stepped into the elevator, still feeling uncomfortable from their last experience with such a machine. Even if this one was real, the mad memories were still there. They had already crossed the point of no return, though, and now they had to see their visit through.
The receptionist cleared his throat. "Right, this is where I leave you. You'll need to head to sub-level three for what you have scheduled. I do hope things go swimmingly for you."
Violet could tell that the man was nervous, but why was still in the air. That being said, his assistance in navigating the first floor of the building had been nice. "Thank you."
"You're welcome and….good luck."
And then Henry left.
The Baudelaires hit the button for sub level three and watched in silence as the elevator door closed.
"Nervous?" Asked Klaus.
"Very," replied Violet, "but I don't think we have much of a choice."
"Warning," announced a voice on the intercom, handling of the Altered Objects from the Pripyat AWE will commence now."
Violet glanced at Klaus. "Where is Prep…Prip…Pripyat?"
"It's a city in Ukraine. It was built to house the workers for the Chernobyl Nuclear Powerplant. It was…abandoned after an accident at the plant."
"…Oh. I see. But why would Aunt Jesse and the FBC be interest in…'altered objects' from that area?"
"No idea."
"Inquire," said Sunny, which meant "maybe we can ask."
"Maybe," agreed Violet, "though probably not today."
The Baudelaires did not talk after that, instead choosing to endure their slow elevator ride in silence.
"Warning: energy spike detected in Pripyat artifacts. Please move to contain immediately."
The Baudelaires were now more than a little unnerved by what the intercom was saying. Fortunately, they had arrived at sub-level 3.
Unfortunately, the door decided that now was the perfect time to get stuck. Perplexed, the Baudelaires could only stare at first, though moments later Violet was trying to figure out how to get it opened.
Not that it mattered.
"ALERT: RESONANCE SURGE DETECTED! AWE IMMINENT!"
Violet, Klaus, and Sunny didn't have time to process what that meant before everything suddenly began to flow faintly, while the button on the elevator controls started flashing on and off. A moment later, and the elevator started shaking.
The siblings had just enough time to share a look of panic before the elevator went into free fall.
The elevator fell three stories before the emergency breaks activated, though it took two more stories for the elevator car to come to a halt. The Baudelaires were left shaken, but uninjured. Moments later, the doors finally opened, allowing the children to exit.
As soon as they had stepped into the hallway, the Baudelaires collapsed and caught their breath. To say that this had not been how they expected things to go was an understatement. Sunny in particular had been shaken quite literally and needed more time to recover. In total, five minutes psssd before they were ready to move again. Only then did they take in their surroundings.
The hallway they had been deposited in was labeled "emergency barracks", and on further examination the title was quite accurate. On each side of the hall were doors that led into an assortment of beds and cleaning rooms, alongside small recreation spaces. None were occupied at the moment, but the smell of the rooms indicated that they had been given a recent cleaning. The Baudelaires also noted that there were no signs that anyone had been injured and/or killed in these rooms. It was a morbid thought, but for children who had seen so much is less than a year, it mattered.
Eventually, finding nothing of interest, they continued down the hall, followed the bend right, and found themselves in a more open space. The room in question seemed unnaturally large, as if someone had decided they had wanted to create an underground gymnasium, only to lose the funding.
Also, it was filled with statues. Rather scary looking ones at that.
"Are those gargoyles?" wondered Klaus.
"They're grotesques," answered Violet. "Gargoyles always have waterspouts in them.
"Scary," said Sunny, which more specifically meant 'they're a little unnerving.'
"That's the point," noted Klaus. "They were menat to scare away demons and evil spirits in the Middle Ages."
"I can see how that would work," noted Violet, "but they're not going to harm us, and I can see doors to stairs up ahead, so let's get over to them and start making our way back up."
Neither Klaus nor Sunny had objections to that.
Stony eyes watched as the trio of siblings made their way toward the staircase. Occasionally, the eyes would shift from glancing at the children to another statue, and then back at the children.
The grotesques had been a relatively recent acquisition by the Bureau - acquired from their British counterpart, the Council of 98. They proved surprisingly resilient to Resonance entities, making them capable of guarding against any surviving Hiss still in the building.
That being said, they weren't exactly sure what to do with the children, and until someone told them, they would remain in their stony shells.
Considering the Resonance pulse earlier, they would probably be here a while.
As the second snork dropped dead from her service weapon, Jesse let out a small curse - just how many of these things were there?!
The surge of Resonance had been unexpected, to say the least - previous efforts to transfer artifacts from the Ukrainian Zone of Alienation had never produced such blowback. There had been two dozen artifacts from the area already residing in the Oldest House when today's shipment had arrived, and none of them had caused problems like this. Maybe it had something to do with bringing in a dozen artifacts at once? Or maybe it was due to something aggravating the Oldest House? She wouldn't even rule out bad luck as an explanation.
Regardless of the reason, the Artifacts had summoned a horde of monsters from the Zone, forcing Jesse and security to deal with them. Inwardly, Jesse groaned over how bloated her schedule had become - now she had to add this task to all of the other ones she needed done today. Could this incident have happened when she didn't have a family of three being held in the oldest house? Especially when they had shown up from nowhere and the six(?) year old daughter was a telepath? And when she had been planning to take Emily out for dinner?
Jesse wondered how she was going to explain this to her nieces and nephews.
The door to the stairs had offered the Baudelaires sole hope that things would turn out better, but that hope hadn't lasted long - the stairs only went up one flight before they were blocked off with caution tape - apparently it was in need of repair and was clsoed off for cleaning later in the day. Thus, reluctantly, the Baudelaires had been forced to detour through another hallway, silently hoping to find a more useful exit somewhere inside.
The words on the walls did not exactly convey a sense of ease in said children.
"What does 'building shift' mean?" Wondered Violet.
"I'm sorry, but that's outside of my knowledge" admitted Klaus. "Their meaning here is dependent on context I am lacking."
"Later," offered Sunny, clearly short for "we'll figure this out later."
She was wrong about that - they would learn the meaning very soon.
As it was, the Baudelaires had stopped in front of set of doors leading to a set of cubicles. Hoping to find some aid, they went inside.
What they saw made them freeze up.
The room was, indeed, a cubicle filled office space.
That, however, neglected to account for the cubes on the walls and ceiling. Cubes that went to places they really, really shouldn't be in.
The cubes appeared to be made of the same material ass the walls, and by all appearances had not been attached to said surfaces, but rather seemed to have grown out of them, as if someone had been messing around with the stone, metal, and plaster of the building and decided they wanted to shape it in a new and interesting way. It was rather bizarre, to say the least.
Violet glanced at her brother. "Building shift?"
"Possibly."
"Later," said Sunny once again, this time more as a wish to get this madness over with.
Despite the general oddity of the room, there was still a space open that lead to the opposite wall, which had another exit within. Navigating through the cuboids, the Baudelaires opened said doors into a new hallway and continued their efforts to figure out what was going on and how to find their aunt.
Looking through the utter mess of paperwork in front of her, Gwen sighed - would it kill the Oldest House to leave their filing cabinets unspoiled when a building shift occurred?
Next to her, Harold sighed. "Great, even more paperwork to sift through."
"Eh, story of our lives."
"Yep. Funny how we work for the SCP Foundation but still have to do tons of paperwork."
Gwen rolled her eyes. "Every government agency needs pencil pushers. If we didn't do this, someone else would."
"I know," replied Harold as he started organizing some of the documents. "So, you know about all the files the Director requested?"
"The ones we know are bunk? Yes."
"Wait, really? Why'd she want them?"
"She was just made the guardian of some nieces and nephews she didn't know existed. And before you ask, the higher-ups checked, it's a genuine blood relationship. Anyway, those kids have been through a lot, and that's makes them more than a little curious. She was worried they might get suspicious about the Bureau, so she took some forms relating to confirmed hoaxes, copied them, and put them in her home office so that the kids would find it and decide researching her wasn't worth it."
"Ah. A red herring operation."
"Exactly. Think she might have one or two real documents in there, though - partly for personal reading, partly for an extra-layer of deception in both directions."
"You read the true part first, you copy down all the lies. You see the false part first, and the truth is discredited."
"Bingo."
"ALERT: CONTAINMENT BREACH! PLEASE SEEK SHELTER!"
Two voices groused as one as they headed for a panic room.
"OH COME ON!"
The Baudelaires were now fairly certain they were well and truly lost - they'd traveled up and down multiple flights of stairs, walked down several hallways, and even used two elevators, but despite what the hall directions had told them, they were no closer to either exiting the building, finding Jesse, or reaching their meeting. They hadn't even found a single person in this building except for the one at the entrance!
Exhausted, and near their fatigue breaking point, the siblings had come to a halt in a hallway that looked more like it belonged in a museum than a government building. Somehow, it also seemed that I was now dark and mildly raining, but right now the siblings were too annoyed to care.
"What now?" Wondered Klaus.
His sister let out a sigh. "We check and see if there is someone in one of these rooms. If there is, we ask them where we should go. If there isn't…we'll figure out something."
Klaus could tell his sister was at her wit's end, but an uncertain plan was better than none at all, a sentiment Sunny seemed to share. So, after helping his sister stand and giving Sunny to Violet to hold - the youngest Baudelaire had nowhere near her sibling's stamina, even after the SORE exercises Olaf had forced them through at Prufroc Prep - the three headed to the nearest door and opened it.
A well aged man in a black suit looked from a table and glanced at them. "Oh. I wasn't expecting visitors today."
The Baudelaires stared in surprise for a moment, then composed themselves. "Sorry. We were asked to come to this building for an interview and…well, we've had a rough day," began Violet.
"Not really a surprise. This building can be odd to those unaccustomed to it."
"True," agreed Klaus, who couldn't help noticing the five candles on the table in front of the man. "My name is Klaus, my older sister is Violet, and our younger sister is Sunny."
"I see. You can call me the, ahem, Curator. It's been a while since I've been called by something other than that."
The Baudelaires were somewhat off-put by that, but avoided showing that to the man. "Understood," acknowledged Violet. "Would you be willing to help us find our way out of here?"
The man shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I have things to attend to in this room, and the rest of the staff would rather I not leave this room. - this is a government building after all."
The Baudelaires deflated at that comment-
"But I can give you some aid - if you keep going down the hallway, you should find the janitor. He knows his way around here, and should be able to help you get where you're heading."
-but the one that follows restored their strength. "Thanks."
"My pleasure, Miss Violet."
The Curator watched as the Baudelaires exited his office. Once he was sure they were gone, he glanced at a painting they hadn't seen - one of an inverted black pyramid.
"Charming children. I do hope your plans for them don't harm them. At least, not too much."
The painting did nothing, but the man seemed to receive an answer. Chuckling, he glanced back at the five candles on his desk, all burning bright. These, at least, had no risk of being extinguished.
Jesse watched as the last of the creatures were returned to their containment rooms. Soon, another sector of the oldest house had been restored to order.
"Seriously, what the fuck is up with today?
"Not really sure about that," was all that one of the security officers could offer. The others were too worn out to provide any reply.
"Not a problem - that was rhetorical."
Jesse would have said more, but it was at that moment that the hotline started ringing. Confused, Jesse put the phone to her ear and listened.
"Director/Subordinate, there is an issue/inconvenience/travesty that we need to discuss with you."
"Can you be more specific?"
"Today, we were supposed to have a meeting/introduction with three potential bureau contacts/acquaintances/friends/pawns. The ongoing incident/mess/calamity forced us to alter/adapt our plans."
"And why does this concern me?"
"Because you are familiar with this trio already?"
"Is this about that "fake family" that just showed up in the Oldest House a few days ago?"
"No, they have been accounted for."
"Then who are you referring to."
"Their first initials are V, K, and S."
"V, K, and S..."
An expression of realization soon covered Jesse's face as she grew eerily quiet. Everyone who could see her exchanged nervous glances, unsure how to reacth.
Then, finally:
"...YOU VERTEXED SONS OF BITCHES!"
XxXxX
In a distant hall of the oldest house, Violet, Klaus and Sunny all shuddered, as if someone had said something forceful and profane regarding them. After a moment, though, the shock faded, and they were on their way.
"How long until you think we'll meet the janitor?' wondered Klaus.
"Soon, I hope," was all Violet could say.
"Me too," agreed Sunny
Fortunately, their hope did no prove unfounded - as the neared the end of the hall, a new voice filled the air. It was of a similar age to the one of the Curator, but differenent in its own way -ways that indicated a difference in ethnicity.
"Is someone saying something?" asked Violet.
"...No," answered Klaus. "The tone's not right. I think it's...someone singing."
"...Really?"
"Yes. Come on, let's head forward."
Pushing forward, the Baudelaire's eventually came upon the source of the voice - an older looking man in a janitor's uniform, listening to music on a pair of headphones. Rather old ones, not that the Baudelaires knew this.
"…Hello, sir?" Asked Violet. The man did not respond, leading Violet to turn her brother. "Do you know what he's saying?"
Klaus listened for a moment, trying to make out what tune the janitor sing.
"…ja hän kysyi paimenelta, onko tämä sinun veitsesi?"
"…Something about a man who lost his knife in a lake."
"You mean that Greek tale involving a Woodsman?"
"No, not quite. He's speaking Finnish - very accurate Finnish, so I don't think he's Olaf in disguise - and Finnish Mythology has its own version of the tale involving a shepherd who lost his knife in a lake."
"Oh. Thanks."
As informative as that speech was, it didn't really help the siblings get the man's attention. Not wanting to wait and hope that he would eventually notice them, Sunny clapped her hands together, trying to make enough noise to get his attention. After glancing at her for a moment, Violet and Klaus did the same.
It too many claps, but the older man eventually noticed them, and took off his headphones. "Ah, sorry. My apologies."
"It's fine," began Violet. "Greetings, I'm Violet-"
"I know why you are here," interrupted the man. "You're…cuter than your aunt said you were."
The siblings blushed at the implication that their aunt had called them cute in front of a coworker/subordinate - that was more than could be said for most of their guardians. "…Thank you. How well do you know her?"
"Plenty. I remember when she was…was just a janitor's assistant."
Now the Baudelaire's felt a sense of confusion rolling over them - while they could understand their aunt receiving a promotion (or ten) to get where she was now, you generally didn't get promoted from a janitor to the Director of where you worked. Especially not without rigorous background checks. But with all the general oddity going on around them, the siblings were inclined to let this slide - they'd seen enough for today to ponder for weeks. They could answered the conundrum of their aunt's career path later.
"I see," replied Violet. "My apologies, but someone named the curator told us to see you."
"Oh, him," replied the Janitor, a look of discomfort rolling over him for a moment. "An organized man - hardly had to clean his office."
Violet raised an eyebrow. "You don't like him?"
"It's a very long story. But that is for later. You children have a meeting to get to, don't you?"
The siblings' raised their eyebrows again. "How do you know?" Asked Klaus.
"You clean every office here, you need to know when meetings happen, and with who."
As he said this, the Janitor pulled a key card out of one of his pockets. "This should get you to that meeting. Take the hall to Investigations, and the rest of the directions won't be hard to find."
"…You're not going to take us there?"
"I have other messes to clean. Please, be safe."
"….Thank you, Mr…."
"Ahti."
Taking the card, the children headed further down the hall. Ahti watched them leave, before going back to cleaning.
"….Beautiful children. A shame you had to bring them here."
XxXxX
As the lights began to dim, the creature began to crawl forth from the alcove it had hidden in. Now, at last, the humans had gone, leaving it free to stake its claim to this room.
The strike surge of lightning had freed it from containment, allowing to to stretch its limbs and roam free for the first time it could remember. There had been a lack of food, but the creature was not worried about finding sustenance - events like this inevitably created corpses, and a live but weakened human would be equally appetizing.
It made sure to avoid the bright lights - they didn't hurt its skin, but its eyes were another story. Best avoid the brightness until those too had dimmed.
A shame the flat white stuff wasn't edible - otherwise it would have so much to eat!
As the creature pilfered through the paper, though, it heard something. Looking toward one of the halls, it found the sounds coming into clarity - three voices, only two making long sounds, all at different pitches than the ones it regularly heard. As they got closer, it managed to get a glance at them, and realized they were humans - small ones. Combining what it had already observed, the creature realized they were children.
A primal, somewhat cruel desire filled its mind, and the creature swiftly climbed up the ceiling, only stopping when it was out of sight.
XxXxX
"Do you really think Jessie started here as a Janitor's assistant?" Asked Klaus.
"I doesn't seem likely. But I don't know what that could be a code for - even VFD doesn't seem to have those kinds of codes."
"Eepo," said Sunny, which meant 'before you go on, there's a messy room in front of us."
Glancing forward, the older Baudelaires froze when they saw what Sunny meant. Now, when you think of a messy room, it's usually a bed room filled with assorted nicknacks and oddities that one could not bring themselves to part with. On a larger scale, you might expect a living room filled with odds and ends that made no sense, or maybe one filled with hoarded pets.
What the Baudelaires saw, though, was a large office space filled with spilled papers, trashed furniture, scratch marks and, most worrisome of all, dark red stains. Said stains were still fresh, meaning whatever had happened here had been recent.
"Is that blood?" Asked Violet. The Baudelaires had seen some rather…messy situations (what happened to Georgina Orwell would haunt them to their graves), but this still managed to unnerve them.
"…It seems so," confirmed Klaus. "And it looks fresh."
"Feel bad," said Sunny, which needed no translation.
Bunching together, the siblings proceeded scanned the room, slowly trying to determine what had caused this, and whether it was still there.
As they advanced forward, they noticed several puddles, these made of clear fluids. They didn't even want to ponder what made those. Around them, they could hear creaking noises, as if something was moving along or inside the walls.
All the while, the AC made a strange, soft hissing sound.
The Baudelaires had almost reached the end of the room when the elder siblings accidentally stepped on a clear pool, slip and falling on their butts. Hastily scrambling to find his glasses, Klaus felt relieved when he found them dry, swiftly putting them back on and glancing toward the ceiling.
A chitinous, tendril laden form stared back.
Klaus blinked three times. Then he screamed.
The creature roared in response, alert Violet and Sunny as it charged. They screamed as well.
The creature lunged toward Klaus, but it aimed too far to the right and slammed into several chairs. Shocking off their shock, the siblings bolted down the hall, the creature following them moments later. A chase soon ensued, with the Baudelaires finding themselves dealing with an opponent who was both fast than them and capable of tight turns. Fortunately, not all of the halls were a fit for it, and occasionally it would become stuck for a moment, trying to force itself into too small an alcove. It would retreat for a moment, but when they inevitably had to press on, it would resume its pursuit.
"We're not going to outrun this thing forever," noted Klaus. "We only gain on it if we're in a hall that's too narrow for it."
"True, but how are we going to lose it?"
At that moment, much to the siblings' shock, the hallway in front of them changed, with blocks of material suddenly burst out from the existing walls and slowly closing up the halls. Speeding forward, the siblings just managed to get through, their pursuer becoming cut off from them. Screeching in rage, it tried to force its way through, but the new obstructions were too strong.
The Baudelaires felt relief at this, but not for long - a second set of obstructions closed off the hall in front of them, leaving them stuck. The situation was not entirely hopeless, though - glancing to their right, the trio found what looked like a panic room, with s strongly reinforced door. After a moment of debate, the siblings filtered inside, with the door closing behind them.
XxXxX
The Pyramid glanced at the boiler. "Must you use so many contrivances to get this three to where they are needed?"
"Would you?"
"…Point taken."
XxXxX
Safe inside the room, the Baudelaires huffed and puffed, finally having time to catch their breath.
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" shouted Klaus, very much shaken by almost getting eaten by…whatever had attacked them.
"I DON'T KNOW!" was Violet's reply. She too had been shaken by their brush with death.
Sunny didn't have anything to say, and sat silently, aside fro mine occasional whimper.
For a while, the Baudelaires didn't speak, instead taking the chance to calm themselves. It was only when they finally settled their nerves that they noticed several oddities in the room - first, the room was full of children's toys, games, and other assorted items. Second, the room also had a large number of neatly organized reports - ones that children would not make. And finally, several of the reports were located under a light that was flashing very heavily - despite its fellow lights not having such s problem.
After sharing a glance, the trio approached flashing light and started looking through the papers.
"…What is the Prime Candidate Program?" Asked Violet, perplexed by the title of the first article - Revisions to the Prime Candidate Program, per request of Director Jesse Faden.
"I think we'll learn if we just read this," replied Klaus. Which is exactly what they did.
XxXxX
Following Director Faden's advice, we are revising the prime candidate program's procedures due to the failures of the previous program that resulted in a Hiss invasion due to the actions of Dylan Faden. The following are the primary changes to the program:
All prime candidates will be vetted by psychologists to determine if the mindsets are compatible with Bureau ideology. If candidates are determined in their youth and are orphaned, they are not to be raised within the Oldest House - they will instead be giving to Burea-affiliated foster care, with regular monitoring. Future training/mental preparation/indoctrination for Prime Candidates will require input from pediatricians associated with the BureauXxXxX
There were many more points listed, but the Baudelaires didn't pay much attention to them - they were more interested in what the first few points implied.
"…Is this saying that Dylan, our uncle, was apparently kidnapped, brought to this building, raised for years, and then caused it to be invaded by…whatever the Hiss are?" Asked a disbelieving Violet.
"Apparently so," confirmed an equally uncertain Klaus. "I'd like to say that is crazy, but today has…considerably raised that bar."
"Scared," said Sunny.
"So are we," admitted Violet, "but we've survived everything else we've faced. Even if this is a whole different type of challenge, we'll make it through."
Then the eldest sibling turned to her brother. "Is there anything that would explain what that…creature was?"
Klaus looked at the assorted papers on the table, before pulling up one. Glancing at it, the three found it had a picture attached to it, with me that depicted the creature lurking outside.
Without a word, they started reading.
XxXxX
Subject: Foundation Dweller
Our cleanup efforts following the Hiss invasion yielded surprising results - during one cleanup effort, we discovered these creatures lurking beneath the stone. It was determined that they appear to be native to the Foundation, and that there are several other organisms share this habitat with them. They appear to be sustained by some kind of lichen in the foundation, alongside the smaller organisms. It should be noted, however, that they will attack humans if they sense an opening.
Characteristics:
These creatures are a bizarre mix of arthropod and vertebrate, possessing chordate-like endoskeletons, respiratory systems, and vascular systems alongside a chitinous shell. Several forms have tentacles that serve a number of functions, primarily acting as graspers and weapons. The heads include chitinous maws and mandibles, which can rapidly cut and grind down organic matter. They have a total of six eyes - three on each side of the head. These eyes are very sensitive to light - they are attracted to it, but avoid exceptionally bright sources.Capturing a live specimen will be needed to determine further details.
E. PopeXxXxX
"…So it doesn't like bright lights?" Asked Klaus, struggling to comprehend how any of this helped them.
"Yes. Though that doesn't seem too helpful…wait, can we see what's in this room?"
"Sure."
A quick search revealed mostly more kid things, two projectors, and a small cart. But before they grew disheartened, the Baudelaires found something more useful - an emergency supplies container. For a moment, they worried that the container would be locked, but fortunately, it was open - that saved Violet the need to make a lock pick.
Inside were a mix of flairs, medical supplies, flashlights, a manual listing everything in the cabinet, and other items - including, to Violet's delight, duct tape.
Klaus did not miss his sister's smile. "You need your ribbon?"
"Please. Then check the manual and see how powerful these flashlights are."
"Gotcha," he said, handing his sister her ribbon as he pulled up the manual.
As soon as her hair was tied, Violet handed Sunny some of the duct tape. "Sunny, I need you to cut these into smaller pieces. Don't get any stuck in your teeth. I need Klaus to finish looking through the manual before I can give you lengths."
"Gotcha."
"Violet, I'be found the section on the flashlights."
"What does it say?""
"The large ones - those that are the size of bricks - have the greatest brightness: they can be sued as floodlights. Also, there's something about a Darkness in this section, but it doesn't give any details."
"Right. Sunny, here's how big you need the tape strips to be."
"On it."
XxXxX
The Pyramid glanced once more at children as they progressed through the Investigations Sector. "They work well."
"You wanted the best judgement of their skills. I rearranged my layout to accommodate that."
"Which we are thankful for. Though Faden is clearly unhappy, if her vicious assault on those…machines is any indication."
"Watching her yell at you was amusing."
"…Very funny."
"That aside, what is the final test you have planned for them once they overcome this creature?"
"The one that determines if they are parautiliarians, as the humans call them."
XxXxX
The creature had finally made its way through the shift, and now waited outside the door. It could smell the childrens' scent coming from the door, and tapping the walls revealed no other exits to the room. So now, all it had to do was wait for them to exit. Seeing how it could smell no food from the door, this wasn't exactly something it would have to wait long for.
Sure enough, the door only took five minutes to open. The beast prepared to charge…only to instead step aside in shock as a strange looking cart surged past it, the siblings atop it. Shaking off its confusion, the creature prepared to attack, only to recoil when the only boy in the trio lit a flare - the light was too bright for it. When he threw it toward the beast, it backed away.
Sensing a chance to turn the tide, the siblings lit more flares and started advancing, pushing the cart forward as a sort of shield. The creature backed away at first, but after a moment, the creature instead hunkered down - it had noticed the doorway behind it, and realized they were trying to corral it in and trap it there. So instead, it would dig in and let them get close, then strike when they tried to dislodge it and - why had they stopped.
What was the elder one fiddling with-TOO BRIGHT!
Violet had anticipated the beast hunkering down, so when she had been working on the cart, she'd attached five of the hyper-strong flashlights to it, and using a mixture of wires and a basic circuit set intended for children, linked all five to a single switch. When she had flicked the switch, their opponent faced a brightness it was not prepared for. Screeching, the beast retreated into the panic room, and only realized it had been had when the door closed shut. Klaus managed to affix the makeshift 'do not open' sign to the door just before the creature made its first ineffectual charge.
Taking a moment to calm their nerves, the siblings smiled at each other - now they had beaten something far worse than Olaf. But any reverie was cut short when a strange sound filled the air. They soon found that it was a mail shoot, of all things, out of which appear a roll of paper. After a moment of awkwardness, they opened up the appear and stared reading.
"Baudelaires,
We have seen your progress through the Oldest House, and applaud your efforts. To say that our schedule has experienced a…catastrophic disruption/disastrous interruption is a gross understatement. We are aware that you may no longer desire our aid, and are willing to allow you to return home. First, however, would you please enter the nearest elevator and head to the seventh floor. There's something waiting for you there. And before you ask, no, it will not kill/maim/scar you - we have no intent of harming Ms. Faden's blood.
Infinites Praises
Bureau Oversight Board"
The Baudelaires shared a quizzical glance in the seconds before the elevator arrived. Then, with feelings of resignation and exhaustion, they boarded it and set a course for the fifth floor.
"Klaus," asked a dejected Violet. "What else was in all of those papers in that panic room?"
"More weird things - they mentioned time portals in Arizona, England, Canada, and Russia, a storage site relating to them in the Caribbean, shapeshifting aliens in Nevada, more aliens in Chicago, a supercomputer in France, something about the composited giant ENCOM, reports of crazy app games and…magical girls in Japan, alien interest groups in the US, England, and China, and even things about demons and an 'other mother'…oh, and a fake family made up of a spy, an assassin, a telepath, and a seer that ended up in the Oldest House a few weeks ago."
"How much of that do you think is true?"
"I don't want to answer that question."
Sunny just groaned.
XxXxX
When the elevator finally stopped, the Baudelaires found themselves not in another hallway, but instead before a storage room. Other halls did branch off from it, but this was clearly intended as…something else, if the sign saying 'Spyglass Testing Course' was any indication.
Also, there was another mail shoot, which dropped off another message.
'Complete the course, and you may leave. It begins when you touch the spyglass.'
The three children stared twitchy eyed at the shoot, but acquiesced nonetheless.
"What time is it now?" Asked Violet.
"I think it's late afternoon," answered Klaus.
"No lunch," added Sunny.
In spite of a mixture of annoyance, exhaustion, and hunger, the Baudelaires made their way to the testing course which, to their mild surprise, seemed to just be an empty room with a spyglass inside - hot one of the special VFD spyglasses they had seen before, but a relatively normal one.
After a moment of confusion, the siblings placed their hands upon the spyglass.
Then the world turned white.
XxXxX
When the world came back into focus, the Baudelaires found themselves in a now wholly black room, with no discernible features whatsoever. The siblings felt like screaming, but the feeling passed - they had gone well past that point today.
But that didn't stop them from cringing when a new voice filled the air.
'Welcome. Thank you for beginning the test. You must have so many questions, but all will be answered if you remain quiet.'
The Baudelaires said not a word.
'Good. It seems you have tried to bond the spyglass without even knowing what that means. All we be explained in time, but for now, listen.'
The Baudelaires glared - what were they doing now?
'Right, my apologies. Your first test is simple: find the exit to this room. There is one spot on the walls that, if pressed, will unlock an exit. To find it, you must look past the obvious and focus on what is concealed.'
Though the cryptic wording was annoying, the Baudelaires nonetheless tried to follow the instructions - Sunny tried tapping the floor with her teeth, while Violet closed her eyes and listened. Klaus, however, hose to take a deep breath and focus is sight on one of the walls. Much to his surprise, everything turned to greyscale, except for the bottom right, which instead had a rainbow of color around it.
Without saying a word to his sisters, Klaus walked up to that spot and tapped it. Instantly, the wall fell away, revealing a new path.
Violet and Sunny gawked in shock. "How did you-"
"The advice we heard earlier was literally - focus your sight and you'll find what you're looking for."
The sisters shared a glance before following Klaus forward, eventually needing them to another room. This one had five exits, which the children soon realized was another test.
'Excellent. Now you face the next portion of the course. Should you complete it, then the next portion of this test will be the finale - with ones as young as you, the test must be truncated. Also, one of you other than…Klaus should solve this challenge.'
The Baudelaires' eyes darted around, trying to find where the voice had come from. It was soft yet commanding, but more worrisome was the fact it seemed to come from inside their heads.
When the search yielded no hints as to the voice's origin, Violet stepped forward and focused on the paths, trying to see if there were any hints to the way forward.
Soon, the world shifted to grey, and new sights appeared at the exits: the leftmost one showed a room filled with flames, far too hot to be used as in oven. It's opposite on the right, meanwhile, showed freezing cold, including a snowman someone had somehow built in there. The middle right egress showed a room filled with spikes, and a sign warning not to step inside, while the center pathway appeared to be filled with snakes and spiders. Only the middle left showed a path with no obstructions, and this was the one that Violet coaxed her siblings into entering. This too ended in yet another black room. There was one difference, though - this room had an obvious exit, albeit one blocked by a four-digit. Stop each digit was one of the four suites of playing cards.
'The final challenge awaits. The combination for this lock is hidden on the walls of this room. It would be preferred if Sunny finished this challlenge.'
After trying and failing once more to find the source of the voice, the Baudelaires turned toward their youngest sister. "Don't worry, Sunny," said Violet.
"This isn't as hard as it seems," added Klaus.
"Thanks."
Then, Sunny took a deep breath and focused.
Soon, hidden symbols appeared on the walls, revealing the truth of the puzzle.
Once she had seen enough, Sunny gestured for her siblings to hold her up to the lock. Then obliged, allowing the youngest of the trio to enter the code:
4 of Diamonds
7 of Clubs
9 of Hearts
Ace of Spades
When the Baudelaires tried to remove the lock, it instead disintegrated into smoke, after which the door slowly began to creak open. The trio felt a mixture of shock and exhaustion at this, wishing they could go back to just dealing with the oddities of VFD and not this raging madness.
Unfortunately, they had to endure his a little longer, as they soon discovered - when the finally exited the hallway, the found themselves atop a black platform.
It was also the only platform in sight. The rest of the area was an endless, white colored room plane, broken only by what looked like a model of the Oldest House made from blackened stone, alongside an inverted pyramid, which seemed to be making strange noises.
'Congratulations - you've completed the test.'
Once more, the Baudelaires heard the voice. But this time, it sounded like it was coming from the model Oldest House.
"…Who are…what are you?" Asked Violet.
'We have had many names, but to you? We are the place where the Bureau keeps its secrets. We are the Oldest House."
"….What? That…that isn't possible."
"What you're describing is the realm of fiction."
'Doesn't that describe most of what has happened to you today?"
"..Touché," was Sunny's reply.
'Glad to see you understand.'
"Who is the Pyramid?" Asked Klaus, now going from surprise and concern to exasperation - this day had gone on long enough.
'They are the board,' answered the Oldest House.
"…What do you mean by Board?"
'I believe that you would call it the Federal Bureau of Control Oversight Board.'
"….Can we go home now?" Asked Violet. "Please?"
'Sure.'
XxXxX
"DAMN IT, YOU GIANT PYRAMID ASSHOLE! GIVE ME BACK OF NIECES AND NEPHEW!"
The Board refused to reply. Nearby, Emily was watching Jesse, a look of concern on her face.
Jesse had spent the better part of the day fighting through all the hell in the Oldest House. The rest of the staff had wisely given her a wide berth, recognizing she had issues she needed to sort out right this moment. Only Emily had stood by her, in part because she was the only one Jesse could really open up with about this - everyone else preferred a more professional relationship with the Director.
"JUST TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE!" she screamed.
'…Incoming.'
Before Jesse could process that statement, a trio of lights materialized in the room, which soon resolved themselves into the Baudelaires. The five stared at each other for a few moments, after which Jesse was tackled into a hug pile by her wards.
"Oh. Wow. This is…nice."
"We missed you, Aunt Jesse."
"Thanks, Violet. Um, look, I'm sorry, but could you tell me what happened-"
"Tomorrow," answered Klaus.
"Huh?"
"We'll tell you tomorrow. We just..need time to process what just happened."
"….Ok."
XxXxX
About an hour later, the worn out Baudelaires and their aunt had finally returned to their apartment building. As they started making their way up the stairs, though - the Baudelaires had insisted on not taking the elevator after today's events - the were greeted by an unexpected sight: a pink haired girl playing with a dog.
The girl froze up when Jesse approached, but after a moment, she turned around to greet them. "Ms. Jesse, you're back!"
"Hi, Anya. How're you doing?"
"Good! Momma and Poppa are all settled in, and I'm almost ready for school!"
"That's wonderful!"
Before the conversation could continue, though, the young girl's green eyes focused on the Baudelaires. "Anya hasn't seen you before. Are you new here?"
"They are," confirmed Jesse. "These are Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire. I'm their aunt, and they'll be staying with me from now on."
"New neighbors, yay! Do you want to play with Anya?"
"Later," said Sunny, with the mental addition of 'we need a rest.'
"Oh. Did you have a long day?"
"You have no idea."
For some reason, Anya's face morphed into one of shock (and she even said"shock!"), but any higher meaning of this was lost to the Baudelaires. After a moment, Anya recovered and let the four press onward.
Tomorrow, so many explanations would be needed. Now, though?
It was time to rest.
XxXxX
Path to Coalescence Part 6 of ? Completed.
XxXxX
AN: Ugh, this is finally done.
I wanted this chapter done way earlier, but life got in the way.
Ahti was really hard to write - still haven't got a hang on his character. The bit he was singing is an actual Finnish myth involving a shepherd who lost his knife in a lake. Ahti (or rather Ahto - the myths don't clarify their relationship) finds a golden and silver knife in that lake and tries to give those two to the shepherd, but when he refuses because he wants his knife back, he receives all three - and yes, it does seem to be the Finnish version of The Woodsman and Mercury.
I admit that the moment for the Baudelaires to share off their respective skills was rather shoehorned in, but I wanted to include something to remind that the siblings are resourceful children who can take care of themselves in most situations. As for the creature they opposed, I made it up.
Still working on a bureau file for the Spyglass, but its power is called OBSERVE.
And yes, that was Anya Forger and Bond at the end of this chapter. They were the ones mentioned in the Bureau report earlier in this chapter and in a bit of foreshadowing I edited in a few chapters back. As for why I am including the cast of Spy X Family in this story, how they got here is a spoiler, but I wanted to set up characters who are in roughly the same age groups as the Baudelaires so that they have opportunities to have more friends and interactions that didn't happen in the original series - so I nodded to find characters who share their age ranges. The current plan for this is Shiore to interact with Violet most frequently, Klaus to have classes with Coraline and Wybie, and Sunny to have shared classes with Anya (or rather have classes in the same buildings as Anya).
Next chapter is not exactly a chapter, but it will explain the Path to Coalescence thing.
Read and Review at your leisure! This is Flameal15k, signing off!