TW: swearing, injury, descriptions of grief/child loss, aggression, brief descriptions of drug addiction & withdrawal

I immediately began to unleash on Miguel and didn't let him get a word in. Peter and Gwen were physically holding me back as I kept trying to advance toward Miguel, who had stepped off the platform in the middle of my raged-induced yelling.

"How could you fucking leave me by myself to die?! That's how you treat a friend? Forgotten and discarded like a piece of trash?!"

Miguel was slow to come forward, but he did. His facial expression was impossible to read. He motioned for Ben and Gwen to go get something, probably the medical staff so I could be brought back to the medical wing. Ben had already left, not hesitating or trying to hold me back.

"Let her go." Miguel told both Peter and Gwen, coolly.

"You serious?!" Peter retorted.

"I need to talk to her alone," Miguel replied.

Gwen glanced over at Peter in hesitation, but they complied. When they both released me and got out of the way, I immediately dashed at Miguel. Deep in my heart I knew I wasn't going to actually hurt him, I don't think I would be capable of that. Miguel told Peter and Gwen to leave again, as they stalled to see what I would do. They left as I reached Miguel, my good fist balled up and in motion. I hammered at his chest, hard, but not enough to affect him in any way. He let me beat on his chest as I continued to rant, tears pooling in my eyes now as I carried on.

"How could you do this to me? Why did you send me home? My life is falling apart, and now…"

I couldn't stifle my cries anymore, my voice faltered. I sank to my knees, keeping my head downcast as I sobbed.

"Why would you leave me alone? I was almost killed…"

I felt him wrap one of his arm's wrap around me and hoist me back up to my feet. I pressed my face into his chest, still upset but seeking comfort where I could take it.

"My intentions were never for you to get hurt." Miguel finally said something to me.

I looked up at his face, tearfully. He seemed sad, even though his expression was hardened I could sense the melancholy there. I wish more than anything he would just tell me the honest reason why, but I knew he never would.

"Don't send me back, I'm begging you." I pleaded. "Please, Miguel…"

"You're in no condition to return home yet, you can stay to heal."

"But you won't let me stay…" I replied, weakly.

Miguel sighed, gripping my shoulders gently, pushing me away from his chest so I could meet his eyes.

"It's for your own safety. I can explain more once you're rested."

Medical staff had finally entered the room. Miguel signaled them over. I stood in my place, defiant. He let go of my shoulders as the nurses tried to reach for me. I grabbed onto his wrist, gripping it tightly so I couldn't be ripped away.

"Please just go with them, they're going to sedate you if you don't." Miguel advised, if I wasn't so delusional I could swear he was pleading. " I don't want them to do that to you."

I laughed humorlessly. "I don't believe you, considering you left me alone to get killed by Rhino."

I just had to get that final jab in. I noticed his expression change, even if it was just a slight slip of the mask for a moment. He seemed hurt.

Something sharp pricked my neck. I tried to pull away, but the medical staff had grabbed me and held me in place, as did Miguel. Whatever sedative they used, it worked incredibly fast. The world went dark and I went limp.

Miguel's perspective: Flashback

Finally in solitude, Miguel examined the mixtape he had been given. He opened the plastic box around the tape, finding a piece of paper folded up inside. He unfolded it revealing a track list of the songs that were on the mixtape. Songs he had enjoyed mixed with songs she had showed to him from her universe.

He sighed, closing his eyes. He knew what he had to do, he had to distance himself not only for her personal safety, but to guard his own heart. He wasn't sure if his body could handle another loss, especially from his own hands and actions. The only way he could keep the two of them from fully falling for each other was distance. He had to send her home.

He tossed the mixtape to the ground. He knew she would be devastated to leave, but it was the only way.

As he usually did in his down time, he brought up a video of Gabriella, drawing a messy hopscotch grid on a sidewalk with chalk. She tried to hop across, doing her best to keep her balance hopping on one foot. She staggered and almost fell, but Miguel was there to catch her, and encourage her to try again.

He was always there to catch his daughter, until he couldn't.

Miguel swiped away the screen, a familiar heaviness forming in his chest and in his stomach. He buried his face in his hands for a minute, not to weep, but just to center himself. He wanted nothing more in this moment than to take some Rapture, he had been withdrawing bad these past couple days. He did his best to mask the pain, the cold sweat he would break out into, the loss of focus, but the walls he built from sobriety were finally starting to crack.

Injecting himself with the stimulant that kept himself from going feral and the spider DNA from fully mutating and taking him over, tended to help the urge, not that it was really a substitute. It was more of a medical necessity. All it took was one stressful situation to make him go into a rage filled mania, he had hurt many people when he fully let himself slip away and unleash - he couldn't let her be caught in the crossfire.

"Miguel, Jess is paging you." Lyla interrupted his thoughts.

"Okay…" He answered, his breath hitched.

"Are you okay? Ooo what's this?" Lyla materialized beside the mixtape on the ground. "We should try and find an old-fashioned tape deck or radio player to listen to it."

"No, leave it." Miguel clipped, returning his attention to the virtual monitors so he could see where Jess was.

"You were mean to her, Miguel. Now you're going to throw away the gift she made you? That's cold." Lyla scolded.

"Please, Lyla, I'm not in the mood. You know why I can't indulge in anything like that, I literally have hundreds of videos here showing why. It's not safe." He gestured to his log of digital recordings.

"I think you're just using that as an excuse to allow yourself to not be happy. Can't you see the fallacy here?"

"That's enough, Lyla."

"Maybe Gabriella is supposed to exist in this universe, too, but if you don't make yourself available, how will you ever know?"

Miguel went to claw at Lyla's virtual figure with a vicious swipe, his fangs bared. She flickered away, not wanting to push him any further but he had already been pushed to his breaking point. He loaded up the stimulant gun and gave himself an injection by his shoulder, hoping he would calm down soon. Even though she had crossed the line, he knew Lyla was right. Nothing could ever replace his daughter in this life, and the thought of her being born again just to lose her was too much to bear.

"Miguel?"

Jess was on the ground level, staring up at the platform, her eyes laced in concern.

"I'm fine." He responded, his tone stony, not wanting a lecture. He leapt off from the platform.

"You're not going to rewrite Lyla's programming or delete her, right?" Jess started, cautiously.

"Sometimes I think I should, but no. Lyla's a computer that doesn't have empathy, and we need an AI. What do you need?"

"The Go Home machine is prepped like you wanted, Margo is running the usual diagnostics on it as she usually does before it's fired up." Jess informed him.

"Okay. I'll be right there."

"What villain are you sending home?" Jess asked.

He kept walking, not answering her. He knew if he told her the truth she would protest and try to stop him. Jess was usually one of the few people who understood where he was coming from, but with this situation he wasn't sure.

Present Day

I woke up back in the medical station, on the gurney with the IV back in. The sedative made me feel dizzy and out of focus, not to mention my mouth was dry as hell. The medical wing was quiet, not even the sound of buzzing fluorescent lights cut through the silence (these lights were too advanced I guess, but damn I never thought I could miss white noise so much).

I sat myself upward, mildly surprised that I wasn't strapped down after the show I put on earlier. It was totally pathetic and embarrassing how I reacted, but at the same time I felt justified and freed from my earlier agitation. I had a few more days in Nueva York before I was sent home again. I might as well enjoy them, even if I am stuck in a hospital bed.

I glanced over at the medical desk full of cabinets and saw my Spider suit drenched in blood in a plastic wrapped bag. My arm twinged within the mechanical cast thing, feeling dull pangs of pain radiating from inside.

I groaned in boredom, flopping my head back on the pillow. There was no one around to talk to, not even one of the nurses was inside the room. It was dark outside, the moon shone brightly and the nightlife out in Nueva York looked exciting. I'm not much of a social butterfly, but imagining being free in this city was comforting.

I started humming to myself, a song I often listened to and sang these past few months when I was feeling extra depressed and missing Miguel more than usual:

When's it gonna be my turn?

Don't forget me

Open me up

Tell me you like me

Fuck me to death

Love me until I love myself

How absolutely devastating and relatable that was. Thinking about Miguel was the literal definition of a double-edged sword, especially after our "conversation" today. He was so frustrating and cold, but I also needed him so badly.

Hobie suddenly burst through the medical door, I could hear a nurse shouting behind him. He scared me to death.

"Hobie! You almost gave me a heart attack!" I snapped.

He chuckled lightly, striding in next to my gurney, dapping me up.

"I didn't know you were back, looks like you took a hell of a beating."

"Understatement of the century…" I muttered, adjusting myself to sit up more.

"I uh, also heard you had a row with Miguel."

"Jesus Christ, does everyone know?"

Hobie shrugged his shoulders, but I could tell by the gleam in his eye that the word probably spread to everyone in this damn skyscraper by now. I groaned in embarrassment, literally slapping my palm on my face. As if I couldn't feel any lower or stupider.

"For the record, he had it comin.'"

"Oh I'm sure he's mortally wounded. He can't wait to send me home…"

I thought I sensed sadness in him earlier, but now I wasn't so sure. I was probably kidding myself.

"I don't know, I think he really missed you."

"Don't get my hopes up, Hobie, I can't be let down like that again." I mumbled, thinking about how he convinced me to give Miguel that mixtape.

"I don't know what the old boy is going through, but he's been in hell these past few months without you, I swear." Hobie raised his hand like he was pledging to something.

I rolled my eyes, it was hard to take anything this man said seriously. I know in his own weird way he was trying to support me, which I appreciated, but I really felt at my lowest. Not only had I lost a fight as Spider Woman back on my world, I came back injured to Nueva York, only to receive coldness back. And the worst of all, Miguel was still going to send me home.

"Do you know why Miguel doesn't want me around? Even like this he said he's going to send me back to my universe once I'm better." I asked.

"I think he's afraid." Hobie answered, honestly.

"Afraid of what?" I echoed in disbelief.

He shrugged. I could tell he was playing coy.

"Give it to me straight, Hobie. Why do you think he wants to keep sending me home? I know I'm crazy, but I actually trust your judgment and intuition."

Hobie took a second to choose his words wisely: "He's either afraid of you and is finally going mad, or he's afraid of how he feels. But you can't keep comin' to me for advice, go have a chinwag with the man."

"Whatever the hell that means." I replied, mostly to tease Hobie but still not fully understanding what Miguel could possibly be afraid of. "I guess we'll never find out, he said he would explain everything to me once I felt better, but I doubt it."

Hobie's watch pinged, Jess was calling him for a mission.

"Just hold it to him, love. I'll catch you soon, yeah?" Hobie stood up to leave.

"Thanks for visiting me, Hobie."

"Anytime."

He left, and the silence filled the room again. Sometimes I really hated being alone with my own thoughts. And as my mind usually did when I was alone, my thoughts drifted to Miguel, longing for the man I swore didn't want anything to do with me.

Did you know there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd - Lana Del Rey (Elizabeth Grant) & Jack Antonoff