Chapter XXIX – What You Leave Behind

It was rare that Aeyrin woke up before Bishop.

He seemed so exhausted. She suspected it was more emotional exhaustion than anything else. Yesterday was… awful. She stayed in that creepy cave for an hour, exploring it idly. There was a statue of Sheogorath there, which… after what Bishop kept saying about his family may have been quite fitting. After about an hour, Bishop came for her. He didn't speak, but she knew that Aces was dead. He just grabbed her hand and led her back to the city.

It took a while before Bishop talked. They just lay in bed silently for ages, but then, he finally talked. He told her what happened. The whole nasty ordeal. About that insane 'Torban's blood is tainted' business, about why Liesl and Kari were so curious about Aeyrin's contraception and how they orchestrated everything so that Bishop would kill all three of his siblings on Torban's side and then die of poisoning himself after. He told her he killed his mother, but that the others were killed by Aces. And that the littlest of them was killed by Rina. The fact that she murdered her own child, too young to even understand what was happening, would probably continue to send shivers down Aeyrin's spine for ages.

She finally understood what he meant when he called them 'insane'. She thought it just meant… brash or a little erratic, but this? Convincing themselves of such a thing… who did that? How could they even think it?

Aeyrin knew that Bishop was warming up to some of them, at least a little. She knew he was glad that he saved them from Ost and Duful. He must have been so hurt by this betrayal.

They talked into the morning hours until there was no more to say. Aeyrin fell asleep eventually, but she was woken up a few times by Bishop's tossing and turning. Apparently this time he was the one who couldn't sleep.

Now that she woke up, surely well past noon, he was still fast asleep. At least he managed to get some rest. She didn't have the heart to wake him up.

She merely snuggled closer into his embrace. She was so glad to have him here by her side, without worrying about him leaving again to play dangerous games with his siblings. It was over. Finally over. Though this all really left some scars.

It was time.

Time to leave it all behind.

Time to go home.

At least she hoped that Bishop would feel the same. She didn't care about the Brotherhood, the dragons. She just… couldn't wait to go home. As much as she loved Cyrodiil, and as wonderful as their trip here was sometimes, it also left quite a few more burdens on their minds. The Thalmor jailors, Ri'zhassa, the clan, they may all have been dealt with now, but their effect lingered beyond the grave. Too much.

She must have dozed off for a while again, because the next time, she roused when Bishop squeezed her in his embrace a bit more. He was already awake, though unlike last night when he mostly stared into the ceiling, he was watching her instead.

"Morning, love," he smiled, though this morning it was a little less convincing smile than any other.

She leaned in to kiss him gently on the lips before she snuggled into his chest again. He was surprisingly forthcoming about everything last night… eventually. Much sooner than he usually spoke of difficult things. That's why she didn't feel that uncertain if she could ask him today.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm… fine, I guess. Still pissed," he sighed. "I just… fuck, I wish I could stop thinking about it. That I could leave it behind. There's no fucking point anymore. They're all dead or just… out of my life. Finally. I wanted this."

"I don't think you wanted this," Aeyrin gave him a sympathetic look. Not like this.

"No... not this, but… I wanted them to leave me alone. And it's done. Kari can't scheme anymore. Liesl and Galric just went along with whoever messed with their heads. And the kids… they're lucky to be alive. Without Rina and Kari and Ost and Duful, there's nobody to lead these insane 'causes'."

"You can't expect everything to just… leave your mind like that," she stroked over his cheek gently.

"I… I know that," he sighed.

"So… it's not just gonna stop. But… sometimes it helps to think about… what you could actually do. Could you have prevented this?" She certainly doubted that. "Do you… regret anything you did in this mess?"

"No," he didn't even have to think about it, surprisingly enough. "I'm… fuck, I'm glad I didn't kill Liesl and Galric. I wasn't gonna kill the kids, obviously, they were just kids. I know damn fucking well what that's like in their position. But those two… they could have made it stop. They didn't. But… fuck, for some fucking daft reason, I'm still glad I didn't do it. Even if… even if it means they can get another insane idea and try something again." He didn't believe they would. Ever. But there was always a tiny chance of anything happening. He could have erased that chance with two bolts. But he didn't. And he didn't regret that.

"What about Rina?" She hoped she didn't make it sound like he should regret killing his mother. What she did was despicable and she was the one who poisoned everyone with this insanity in the first place. She would never blame him for his actions. But… even though he always spoke disparagingly about her, Aeyrin was still not entirely sure about any of his familial relationships. Maybe he had some good memories of her.

"Fuck no," he scoffed. Alright, probably no good memories. "I don't fucking regret killing that bitch for a second. She didn't have to be violent like Torban to be the same fucking tyrant. Look at Aces. She was not even willing to go to a temple to save her fucking life. That's all because of her."

Bishop fell a little eerily silent again after he mentioned Aces. He got the same faraway look in his eyes as he had last night after everything happened. But this time, he actually forced himself to talk after a while.

"It… it was a tough situation. I'm… I'm not even sure if I regret not forcing her to go get healed. She… she would have fought back. The struggle might have only brought the end faster. You saw how determined she was. Or… maybe I would have brought her there and she would have just… died in that place. In a place she hated more than anything," he sighed. He didn't want to have that on his conscience. But he still sometimes felt like he could have done more to convince her. Could he have?

"I'm sorry I couldn't help her," Aeyrin gave him a regretful look. She felt so useless for it.

"When I saw the wound, I knew you wouldn't be able to heal it. Fuck, I have doubts that people in the temple could heal it," he shook his head. She had the same doubts. It was frankly a miracle that Aces hadn't already bled out by the time Aeyrin got there. "But… I still had to try, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," she placed her hand on his cheek in understanding. "So… her hatred of the temples was because of Rina?"

"Yeah," Bishop nodded. "Ever since I remember, Aces tried to stay detached. She hated everything that Torban or Rina cared about. She hated doing Torban's dirty work, she was a fucking bitch to every single contact of his she'd been sent to deal with. Torban lost a lot of business because of her," he chuckled somewhat proudly. "It wasn't just them though, she always stayed away from the rest of us too. Maybe she didn't wanna get attached and watch us be tormented just like she was. Or maybe she hated us too, I don't really know. I didn't even know she'd been that close to Jack, but… they were both like that, I guess. Maybe because they had each other and knew what it was like to see each other suffer like that, they didn't want to get close to anyone else. Maybe I was doing the same with Jules…"

He honestly didn't know anymore. He never thought about it this way, but the fact that Jack and Aces were in their own little bubble made him ponder on it more.

"I haven't seen her for longer than a minute since Jack died. I couldn't even know how she took it. She just… wasn't there. Always hiding out somewhere alone," he scowled. The instinct to be all alone was all too familiar to him. Everything about this was all too familiar. He clung to Jules's family while he could and when he lost that, he didn't even want to talk to anyone ever again. Maybe it was the same for Aces. Maybe she was close with Jack's girl. And she lost the last bits of the family too. Only in a much worse way than Bishop had. At least Jules's daughter was still alive. He hoped.

No wonder she was so attached to that knife. The only thing Jack left behind.

"At least in the end, she knew there could be someone who would have tried to understand her," Aeyrin continued to stroke over his cheek gently.

True. Bishop was surprised that Aces wanted him around for her final moments. It was painful to watch. They were never close, but after everything that happened, he felt like he understood her better. He felt like maybe if they both tried, things wouldn't have to be so bad. They could have both still found some family.

But she was gone. Hopefully reunited with Jack somewhere.

And he had no desire to ever see any other remnants of his family. Not Liesl, not Galric, not even the kids. He barely knew them and it would be best for everyone if they just… tried to live their lives. They still had a good chance to maybe leave this all in a distant past one day. And that should include Bishop being out of their lives.

No, he didn't need this family. Apart from Jules, he never needed them.

There was a new family he had, one he actually chose and cared for. There was still that. And he was really looking forward to focusing on that again. On Aeyrin.

"Bish," Aeyrin tore him away from his ruminations. There was a pleading look in her eyes as she gazed up at him.

"Yeah?"

"Can we go home, please?"

Instead of answering right away, he pulled her tighter into his embrace and let out a deep breath from his lips. He didn't even expect to be this relieved when she said it.

"Princess, I never wanted anything more."

…

It was decided.

They would finally go home. Or just make their way north again gradually. They still had a few errands to run on the way back. Getting out of Leyawiin, however, was the first priority. They'd definitely stayed longer than they should have already.

They still had most of their supplies, since they stayed so long in the city, but since they opted to travel through the wilderness again and make camps, they would need to restock eventually. Their plan was to go straight north – this time along the eastern shore of the Niben – and they would stop first in the Imperial City to restock. Only for one night.

And after that, one more important business awaited them beneath the Jerall Mountains before they could cross the border again.

It took them two days to leave the city and travel through the wilderness. They were pondering one night whether they should stay at the Imperial Bridge Inn, but it was much more tempting to remain alone and away from anyone else.

After all, these were a few of the last nights they would get to enjoy the unencumbered feeling that went with staying off the roads in Cyrodiil. Despite the dangers from monsters, when they found a good place to rest, there was nothing else to worry about. At all. No assassins, no need for traps and precautions. No matter how much they were looking forward to their return to Skyrim, this was one thing that neither of them missed.

But the Imperial City was calling soon enough. Unlike before, they would not spend much time there – they would arrive in the afternoon and barely manage to hit the stores before they closed for the night. And in the morning, their plan was to be off towards the northern mountains again.

They crossed the long bridge where Upper Niben and Lake Rumare met and headed back towards Weye once more. The closer they got though, the stranger the scene became. The last time they were here, the streets were bustling with travelers and caravans miles away from the City. Now they spotted the occasional carriage heading in the same direction they were, but significantly fewer of them and there were none coming from the other way.

In Skyrim, this would be a somewhat busy road. Here though, it looked eerily empty. Was something going on in the City?

They continued onwards until they could see Weye in the distance. It was almost like before – the numerous vendor stalls, the small houses around, the large lake glittering in the setting sun and the grand bridge above. Except for the lack of enthusiastic traders and travelers around. Instead, there stood a whole another crowd of people.

Not a crowd. A formation.

There was an enormous group of legionnaires standing there on the road, taking up the entire road, in fact. There were a few of them running around, possibly checking the troops, maybe their equipment and such. There must have been at least half a hundred men there. Maybe more. They looked like they were going to war. But what war would they be going to here?

Aeyrin and Bishop exchanged uncertain looks, but the troops weren't moving. So they had no choice but to continue on despite them. They reached the outskirt village soon enough, but before they could make their way past the troops onto the bridge, one of the legionnaires running around jogged over to them to stop them.

"Citizens," he nodded at them. "We're sorry for the inconvenience but a military training is taking place here. You will have to wait before it's over. You can't access the City now."

"What the fuck?" Bishop scowled. They were keeping people out of the City? For some fucking ridiculous military training? That was ridiculous. "Why the fuck are you doing a training here?" Why the fuck would anyone think it was a good idea doing a military training right in front of the main route to the capital of the fucking Empire? Why would they stop trade for it and chase people away?

"That's classified, sir," the man shook his head at Bishop. Typical. "You may take the boat to the Waterfront. Or you may stay at the Wawnet if they have any room left. The training will take a while yet."

"Seriously?" Bishop groaned and Aeyrin only let out an exasperated sigh. "This is fucked up."

"I think we're done here," the soldier gave him a deadpan look. "Do not disrupt our training." With those words, he turned on his heel again and rushed to continue his inspections.

"So… wanna try the Wawnet?" Aeyrin suggested. They could go shopping tomorrow. And she really didn't feel like taking the boat. For one, they would have to go back all the way to the Niben bridge. And also, boat travel was something that she would always prefer to avoid. Especially after their voyage on Captain Jack's ship.

"I guess. I still think this is fucking nuts," Bishop scoffed. He had never seen or heard of anything like this. It was really weird that they chose to hold their stupid training here of all places.

They walked away as well, right into the Wawnet Inn. But unfortunately, it seemed like a lot of people got the same line from the soldiers. There was barely any room to move there. Everyone seemed to be waiting for the soldiers to disperse.

"Uhh… I'm not sure they'll have a room," Aeyrin grumbled. This looked bleak. She really didn't want to take the boat.

"We'll see," Bishop nodded. "Maybe they're all just waiting for the soldiers to leave." The two of them could be doing the same, but who knew how long would that take? Nobody gave them any more information about this idiotic 'training'. It was better to just grab a room right away and get their supplies in the morning. At least they wouldn't have to be stuck in the crowded common room. Or they could camp out in the wilderness one more night instead. Somewhere close to the city. Or maybe just continue on. The sun was only setting now, there was still time to make another dent in the length of their journey.

They weaved their way through the crowd until they reached the bar. It was hard to talk in the place, hard to hear anything, but after being called a few times, the innkeeper finally seemed to notice them and came over to talk to them.

"Sorry, it's… well… you saw. Fucking soldiers," the woman rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Yeah, what are they doing?" Bishop scoffed. It still felt weird. They may have been lying.

"Troops movement," the innkeeper sighed. "Seen this only once before. They need to send soldiers somewhere to fight and they gather them here since… well it's in the middle of everything. So they wait until all their contingents come in before they set off wherever they're going. They say it's training so that people don't think any of their wars are in dire need of reinforcements, you know? Breaks the moral or shit like that," she scoffed.

Alright, that made more sense. It was still idiotic, but less than doing some training in this place.

"Where are they going?" Aeyrin asked curiously. So many soldiers.

"North. Where else? People are talking about the influence and support those rebels there are gaining. The soldier boys might even lose this one," the woman smirked somewhat meanly. For someone living off the Imperial commerce and tourism, she didn't seem to like the Empire too much. Or maybe she just disliked the Legion. A lot of people did, Bishop and Aeyrin included.

The two of them did share a somewhat disturbed look at her words though. As despicable as the Legion could be, Ulfric was no better, if not worse. And was the Legion really sending for so many men to help? Didn't they already have that new 'forced conscription' law in place? How many men did they actually need? Were they really losing the war?

"Got a room?" Bishop finally asked. He didn't wanna think about Skyrim political bullshit. Not yet. They were still here and far from it for now. If only for a few more days.

"There's only one bed left in the communal room, if you're interested," the woman replied. "You two might be able to fit on it, if you squeeze a bit."

They had no problem squeezing in together, but there was another issue with that. Aeyrin briskly shook her head at Bishop. There was no way in Oblivion she would stay in a communal room. She had once before in Aleswell. She really hated it. It made sense that, since it was always the cheapest option, maybe some… less than scrupulous people would stay there. When she wasn't worried for herself, she had to worry at least for her possessions.

"No thanks," Bishop shook his head at the innkeeper. "We'll try our luck somewhere else."

"Suit yourselves. The soldier boys won't be leaving for a while yet," the innkeeper shrugged. "This shit takes time."

Great.

They weaved through the crowd again and stepped outside once more. It was so much easier to breathe there. But now what?

"You wanna take the boat?" Bishop sighed. He wasn't too keen on going back, but if there was no other option…

"Not really… we could just… wait until the morning somewhere nearby," Aeyrin shrugged. Though it seemed like a bit of a wasted travel time, there was no real rush besides their own desire to get back to Skyrim.

"Yeah. Or we could just go on. Stay at Roxey or somewhere around there. We could get there before too late," Bishop pondered. It was pretty close. About as close as the Niben bridge anyway.

"What about our supplies?" They did have some left, but they'd been counting on this stop in their plans.

"We have enough. Kinda," he shrugged. "Enough to last us to Bruma, I'd say. We can stop and I can cook something if we run out of rations too."

It did sound pretty good to use the time to continue their journey. Aeyrin nodded in response after a few moments of pondering. And at least, hopefully, another inn would be easier to get a room in.

They headed out again, this time a bit more begrudgingly, but it wasn't a bad plan. And Bruma would definitely be cheaper than the Imperial City.

"So… do you think things are that bad for the Legion up there?" Aeyrin pondered somewhat worriedly after a while of walking.

"I don't know. Do we care? What's the downside? Your dissident friends would have a better haven there if they wanna hide from the Thalmor," Bishop shrugged.

"Or me and any other elf might just eventually be banished from the Province," she sighed. She wasn't great at understanding political intricacies, as Ulfric loved to remind her, but she knew that even if these things weren't official, Ulfric's supporters gaining power would just bully and hurt the elves until they chased them out regardless.

"True, you can't win. Nobody can," he grumbled. "Weird that the war is actually the better alternative, huh?"

It was weird. Not just with this, but they both knew too well that it was also a better alternative to the dragons getting impatient and attacking with their army in turn. Somehow the constant limbo of war made some things oddly safer. The same could not be said for the soldiers, of course. And not for any poor villager or traveler caught in the Imperial Holds and conscripted by Tullius.

There was no winning for anyone no matter how the situation was or how it would develop.

It seemed like even the things they were so eager to leave behind when they came down here were intent on haunting them.

And now they were voluntarily rushing back to all that.

But despite that, they were both excited anyway.

How could they not be? It was home.