Moonlight in Forks
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.
Love and Trust
Bella stared at Jacob for a long while in silence as she gathered her thoughts together. His sincere declaration of his feelings made her heart beat fast in her chest. He was always so open and honest about his feelings. He kept nothing hidden. Not like Edward. That's what she loved about Jacob the most….
Love!
That four-letter word that meant so much.
That four-letter word that was so often coupled with trust.
What was love without trust?
Trust and communication were two things that were always integral to building a healthy foundation in a relationship. For this reason (along with many others), it was impossible to have one without the other.
Trying to have love without trust was like building a house on sand. The foundation of the relationship would always be on shaky ground, almost certainly making sure that any relationship that lacked trust eventually crumbled. Just like her relationship with Edward now.
Edward had lied so many times, kept vital things hidden from her, all under the guise of protecting her. Jacob always told the truth, no matter how much it hurt, because he knew that she was strong enough to handle it.
It had taken her a while to admit to herself, but Bella had learned, that when you trusted someone, you were able to face challenges together with confidence. It meant you could rely on that person and feel comfortable opening up to them. Hard times weren't going to shatter the relationship when you had trust and loyalty.
Just like she had with Jacob.
However, when it was impossible to trust the person, the one you were in the relationship with, it was always difficult to face challenges with them. And even if you tried, there would always be an underlying questioning of their loyalty or ability to stick with you through thick and thin.
Just like with Edward.
Bella's relationship with Edward had never fully recovered from his cruel abandonment. She could never trust that he wouldn't do the same again when adversity struck, despite his many promises. After all his vows that he wouldn't lie and keep things hidden from her again, he had done so several times already since coming back into her life.
If you loved someone, Bella thought, you should be able to be vulnerable around them. Vulnerability was important in relationships. It helped deepen the connection, enabling growth, both as a couple and individually.
But you also had to trust that person in order to be vulnerable around them. And if you couldn't be vulnerable, things would always remain at a superficial level. It prevented you from truly getting to know someone, mind, body, and soul. This was one of the most important reasons why love without trust was not really love at all!
Bella knew that Edward didn't really know her at all-not in the way Jacob did.
Jacob knew what she was thinking and feeling without her having to say a word. He had been there during her worst times, supported her through them without judgement.
Jacob had stayed, while Edward had run away.
Edward breaking her trust, through running away, his lies, meant that there was probably never much trust to begin with in their relationship. It hurt Bella to openly acknowledge this in her mind, but it was the truth. His betrayal, the broken trust had made her shut down and close herself off from all love.
Conversely, Jacob she could trust with her whole heart, leaving her confident, open and satisfied. He had put her back together and expected nothing in return. Trust and communication were two of the most important components in any healthy relationship. She had both with Jacob.
If Bella couldn't trust Edward, how well did she really know him, she wondered. He had never shown her his authentic self. Even when times were good and it felt like she was in love, she had never really trusted that Edward's love was genuine. She had always been questioning it-whether she was beautiful enough, interesting enough, talented enough, just enough in general.
When, with Jacob, Bella had never had to question any of those things.
Bella realized now that the love she thought she felt for Edward couldn't be true. He had broken her trust by being manipulative and lying, leaving her constantly questioning herself, destroying her self-esteem, their relationship forcing her to isolate herself from her friends, from her family, always keeping her on tenterhooks on whether his affection for her was genuine. She had given him total control over her life.
And now here was Jacob-being open and honest about his feelings-still being patient, putting on no pressure, leaving it up to her what happened next.
Throughout all of her brooding self-analysis, Jacob remained patiently waiting. He didn't try and pull her out of her self-absorption. He knew she needed time to sift through the chaos inside her head, so she could answer him openly and honestly. They had both grown and matured in the time they had spent away from each other, allowing them to reflect on what had driven them apart in the first place.
The air around them was an anxious swirl of drops, wind-freed from gravity, setting off a playful light on the rain kissed leaves of the trees, raising them far beyond the status of the cold cut gem. The same rain be-speckled gems fell upon Bella's skin, bringing her natural beauty into clearer definition. Jacob found himself completely entranced, so he didn't immediately notice she had come to the end of her speculative thoughts, and was taken completely by surprise when she stepped forward, raised herself up on her tiptoes, as she reached for his face and pulled it down to hers, so she could kiss him.
There was something so heavenly about kissing in the rain, that tender moment that just cannot wait, that burst of love that had to be expressed, not caring if the water soaked through to chill their skin. It was a connection that showed the strength of their feeling, their mutual need. A rebellion against the elements. Nature can bring the rain but their inner sunshine came through just the same. In that kiss was the sweetness of passion, a million loving thoughts condensed into a single moment.
As they parted in order to breathe, Jacob gazed down at Bella in complete wonder. His dark eyes were shining with happiness, his smile was wide, his heart singing with joy. Bella's face was as radiant as his. She wore the same smile, her chocolate brown eyes dancing with delight. She had done it, broken through the chains of her repressed emotions, acted on instinct, taken a risk, and she had never felt so light and free.
Jacob leaned down and pressed his lips softly to Bella's again, once, twice…a third time. His hands, gently in her hair, hers upon his chest. Jacob smiled again, and glanced toward the sky that promised more rain to come, their sweet sound as a round of applause for love and romance.
"Wow." He declared breathlessly, looking back down at Bella adoringly. "That was some kiss!"
"Uh huh." Bella's color infused cheeks held the blush of roses, they dimpled with her blossoming smile and her eyes shone in a way that only deep happiness can bring. "Want to do it all over again?" She teased.
"Hell, yeah!" Jacob laughed as he captured her lips in another heated kiss.
XXXXXXXXX
Jacob walked Bella to the passenger side of the car and helped her in. When he got in the driver's seat he was whistling.
Bella laughed quietly under her breath; he looked like he was on cloud nine. "Could you be anymore obvious?" She asked playfully.
"Nope!" Jacob grinned at her, switching on the engine. "I love you, Bella Swan."
Bella's resulting blush was the opening of spring blossoms, for it told the opening of her heart. "That's good. Love is a passionate emotion."
"I'll give you passionate." Jacob said cheerfully, looking like he was about to start whistling again. "I'll be thinking about it tonight."
That seemed to bother Bella for a second. She glanced at him uneasily. "Don't think about it in too much detail…. I don't want you broadcasting our first kiss to the whole pack." She reminded him dubiously.
Ah, the pack mind!
Jacob hid his smile. Trust Bella to pick up on that. "Don't worry, honey. I have learned some control." He promised.
"I hope so." Bella huffed, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. "Can you imagine the mileage Quil would get out of that?"
"True." Jacob agreed. He slowed the car to a crawl, turning to gaze at Bella with his dark eyes wide and earnest. "Please don't worry, Bells. I've secretly been taking tips from Sam on how to control my thoughts around the others. They will see only what I let them see. This, out first kiss, will stay safely locked in the vaults of my mind."
"Swear?"
"I solemnly swear." Jacob promised. "I would never, never do anything to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable, Bella."
Bella's expression softened. "I know you wouldn't."
Jacob reached for her hand, before starting to drive at a normal speed again, watching the road.
Jacob let the Rabbit idle in front of Charlie's house, deliberating whether to go inside with Bella or not. He was due to go on patrol again, but was eager to stay. He battled with his loyalties, between his duty to his pack and to the girl he loved.
Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway, which meant the police chief was at home.
Bella was already climbing out of the Rabbit, heading for the house. She turned to wave at Jacob, expecting him to leave, but he cut the engine off, and climbed out of the car to stand beside her.
"Don't you have to go?" She asked in surprise.
"Not just yet." Jacob ran ahead and opened the front door and held it for her.
"Wow, such a gentleman!" Bella laughed.
They walked silently past the front room where Charlie was lying on the sofa.
"Hey, kids." He said, sitting forward. "Nice to see you here, Jake."
"Hey, Charlie." Jacob answered casually, pausing to make conversation with the older man.
Bella went ahead to the kitchen, automatically pulling open the cupboards to make Jacob a snack before he left.
"So, what have you two been doing?" Charlie said eventually, after asking after Billy.
Jacob glanced over his shoulder anxiously toward the kitchen. By the knowing expression on the police chief's face, he was beginning to wonder if Charlie was always as oblivious as he let on. "Oh, this and that." He replied as nonchalantly as he could.
"Is that so?" Charlie raised his eyebrows. "Then why do you look so worried, kid?"
Jacob laughed nervously. "I'm not worried."
"No?" Charlie wondered. "Anybody would think you just kissed my daughter or something?" He added as a joke.
There was the sound of a plate smashing in the kitchen, followed by a cry of pain from Bella.
"Are you alright in there, Bells?" Charlie called out. "Did you drop something?"
"I better go and see…" Jacob made a hasty exit. He found Bella with a towel wrapped around her wrist. On the floor were the remains of broken crockery. "What happened?" He asked in alarm.
"I accidentally tripped and smacked my wrist on the counter." Bella winced.
"You overheard what Charlie said?" Jacob guessed. He quickly went to the freezer and pulled out a tray of ice cubes.
Charlie meandered into the kitchen. He looked at Jacob ministering to Bella. "What happened here?"
"I tripped and dropped a plate." Bella muttered.
"And she hurt her wrist." Jacob added. He beat the tray of ice against the edge of the sink. The ice scattered inside the basin, and he grabbed a handful and wrapped the cubes in a dishcloth on the counter.
"Oh, Bells." Charlie shook his head in disbelief. "Want me to take you to the hospital?" He peered down at her swelling wrist.
"No." Bella grimaced. "I'm sick of hospitals."
"I could take you to see Sue Clearwater. She's a nurse." Jacob suggested.
"That sounds like a compromise." Charlie nodded his agreement.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Who's that?" Charlie grumbled as he left to answer it.
Jacob's brows drew down. "Its Cullen." He told Bella in a low voice.
Bella groaned in defeat. This was all she needed. As soon as Edward saw her injury, he would go into overprotective mode and probably blame Jacob, when it was really Charlie's fault for making that stupid joke, causing her to lose balance.
Seconds later Edward appeared. He went straight to Bella, after shooting Jacob a vicious glare. "Let me see." He said grimly.
Bella had little choice but to let him with her father there as an audience. She suffered Edward's examination in silence. His hands were almost as cold as the ice.
"I think it might be broken." Edward said as he took note of the swelling. He kissed her hand softly, making Jacob scowl. "I'll take care of it. I promise."
"I don't need you to take care of it." Bella answered irritably. "Jake's taking me to see Sue Clearewater."
"You need a doctor. I'll take you to Carlisle." Edward insisted. He turned toward Jacob. "I would like a word." His voice was like steel.
"Now, now." Charlie cautioned. "I don't want any fighting, do you understand?" He looked only at Edward as he spoke. "I can put my badge on if that makes my request more official."
"That won't be necessary." Edward replied in a strained tone.
"Arrest me, Dad." Bella quipped sarcastically. "I'm the one who tripped and hit my wrist on the counter when I dropped the plate."
Charlie looked at her evenly. "Enough, Bells."
"We are going to talk, that's all." Edward said. "Then I will take you to Carlisle so he can take a look at your hand."
Bella glanced at Jacob. His expression was inscrutable. His stance was casual, his arms folded across his chest, but the muscles in his jaw were tight. She admired his restraint. Edward was being ridiculous.
"Okay, Cullen, lets get this over with."
"Jake?" Bella cautioned.
Jacob's expression softened briefly as he looked her way. "Its okay, honey. Don't stress."
Bella sighed, knowing there was nothing she could do to stop the inevitable confrontation. She watched as both boys went outside, out of earshot of her and Charlie.
Edward stood in front of Jacob, his amber eyes simmering with repressed anger. When he spoke, though, his voice was peaceful and gentle, which made his next words strangely more threatening. "I'm not going to kill you now, because it would upset Bella. But if you ever bring her back damaged again-and I don't care if she merely trips, or if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her on the head-if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition that I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand that, mongrel?"
Jacob rolled his eyes at Edward's theatrics, not intimidated at all by his lame threat. After what he and Bella had shared today, nothing could upset or touch him. He carefully kept his thoughts neutral, so the leech couldn't pull from his mind about the kiss. He was grateful to Sam for teaching him so well to keep his inner thoughts hidden from others. It had come in handy for dealing with the mind reading bloodsucker.
"You really are an arrogant tool." Jacob said dismissively. "I have no interest in your empty threats. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to take Bella to see Sue Cleaarwater. So get lost, leech." He turned away.
Edward darted in front of him, blocking his path to the house. "She is mine." His low voice was suddenly dark, not as composed as before. "You would do well to remember that…pup."
Jacob's eyes flashed briefly with irritation, then he quickly composed himself again. He was not going to get into a petty war of words with the darned leech. He needed all his self-control and self-discipline to keep his head clear of anything incriminating that the mind reader might pick up on.
Without saying another word, Jacob stalked past a glowering Edward, and went back into the house, closing the door firmly in Edward's face as he did so.
A/N-thanks for reading!