Moonlight in Forks
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.
Reflection
Jacob looked at Bella in awe. He thought he knew her so well but she continued to surprise him. He mulled over what she had said, about imprinting papering over the cracks, while also creating different cracks under the strain of those quick fixes. It was acting as if the Black line died out and the pack needed a boost. Sam needed someone to mother his pack, Jared needed to be tied to the reservation before he left to pursue college, Quil needed to mature with a child under his care, and Paul and Rachel were perhaps solely to ensure the next generation had some Black genes. Someone would've imprinted on Rebecca if she had turned up, for sure. And the only prior imprint was the Third Wife, who was a heroine in her own right without the imprint and loved without it, so that was a unique case.
"And all this because Sam phased before me and took on the Alpha role?" Jacob questioned aloud in disbelief.
"Essentially, yes." Bella agreed. "If you had phased before him, like you were supposed to, I guess you would have had no choice but to step into the role of Alpha straight away."
"I was just so happy and calm around you. It was only after Newton pissed me off after that dumb movie, along with Billy telling me I looked weird, it was like a light switch being flipped, triggering the necessary anger and the phasing wolf gene."
Bella heard the guilt in his voice. She hated to hear it. In her mind he had nothing to feel guilty about. He shouldn't have to apologize for being happy. She had learned the hard way over the years that guilt was a matter of balance. The need to feel guilty was to show you how to become a better person, less selfish, healthier. Letting the guilt weigh you down, it becomes like a heavy bag you were supposed to put down once you'd learned whatever it came to teach you. Forgiving yourself was necessary to enable further personal growth. This was just part of being human.
"Jake. I don't want you blaming yourself for things that were out of your control. If blame is to be placed anywhere, then it all leads right back to the Cullens door. It was their selfish decision to move back to Forks that messed with fate and disrupted everyone's lives."
"I suppose so." Jacob conceded.
Bella's reassurances didn't assuage his guilt completely. He still felt partly at fault. He had shirked his responsibilities at the time, partially because he resented his powers because he never chose to be a werewolf and felt like he had been roped into a supernatural war he didn't know existed, and partially because he felt his life was already overburdened enough. By the time he phased Bella had become his whole world, he couldn't condone spending even more time away from her than was absolutely necessary because of his newfound wolf duties.
"Do you think that any of the imprints would have happened if fate had gone according to plan?"
Bella looked at him tenderly, knowing how much this newfound knowledge was impacting on him. "I don't think we'll ever know." She answered softly. "We can't go back, Jake. Only move forward."
"You're right, as always." Jacob agreed with a resigned sigh.
Even though he knew Bella was right, Jacob still felt remorse. This emotion allowed him to view past events through different perspectives than the ones he had at the time, in the action of the moment. This new clarity afforded him a clearer rationality. There really was nothing different he could have done. Events had already been set in motion by the time he had phased. To regret every decision afterwards was to regret everything that had led up to this moment-with this beautiful woman in his arms, loving and caring for him. No, loving Bella was the one thing he had got completely right.
A comfortable silence settled between them. Eventually, worn out from all the drama she had gone through that day, Bella's eyes closed. Her breathing slowed to a steady pace and she leaned against Jacob, her body fully relaxed. When he was sure that she was deeply asleep, he stood up with her in his arms. He carried her to his old room, laying her gently on the bed, he settled down beside her. She snuggled up against him, tucking her head into his chest. Soon, sleep found him too.
Jacob woke as the first light filtered through the small window in his room. He could hear the dawn chorus of melodic birdsong drifting in. The rising sun cast a rosy hue across the morning sky through a break in the clouds. He and Bella had slept the rest of the day through, followed by the night. Even his typical hunger pangs hadn't been enough to disturb them.
Jacob glanced down at Bella. She still slept, her peaceful breathing marking the steady beat of her heart. He rested beside her, unwilling to move just yet. His hands twirled in her hair, his mind at peace for the first time in a long while.
"Jake, where are you? I can't see you. Come back!" Bella mumbled under her breath, her brow crinkling slightly. So, her sleep wasn't as sound as he thought. She shifted in his arms, pressing against him and mumbling more words he couldn't quite catch, then turned to face him.
"Good morning, beautiful." Jacob greeted her with a soft kiss on the lips as her eyelids fluttered open.
"Oh, thank God you're here!" Bella whispered in relief.
"Bad dream?"
"I guess."
"About me? You said my name a few times."
"Did I?" Bella was still disorientated. "I can't really remember what I was dreaming about." She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and yawned. "How long have you been awake?"
"Since sunrise."
"Sunrise?" Bella rose sharply, her eyes opening wide in shock. "You mean we've been asleep since yesterday afternoon?"
"Seems that way." Jacob laughed at her bed head. He reached out to smooth down the tangled strands.
"Jake, how can you be so calm?" Bella demanded as she pushed his hand away. "I didn't even call home. Dad will be going spare." She reached over him, leaning dangerously over the side of the bed as she hunted for her cell phone. She would have tumbled out if Jacob hadn't caught her.
"I'm sure he would have called the main phone here if he was worried. Charlie knows you would probably be with me." Jacob thought she was freaking out over nothing.
Bella's fingers finally closed over her phone. She fell back against Jacob, swiping at the screen, expecting it to be filled with anxious texts and missed calls from either Charlie or Renee. To her surprise the only text was from Angela, asking if they could meet up sometime in the future.
"Well, I'll be. I don't think my parents missed me at all." She declared in surprise.
"You're an adult now, Bells. They don't expect you to declare your every move." Jacob stretched his long arms above his head and yawned. "Like I said, they probably guessed you were with me."
"I suppose."
For a moment, they lay there quietly, a comfortable silence between them. Then Bella became anxious again. "Billy?" She remembered.
"He's fine." Jacob reassured her. "I can hear him. Steady heartbeat. Even breathing. He's all good. It looks like he needed rest too."
"Phew!" Bella flopped back against him in relief. She picked up his hand and played with his fingers absently. "I wonder what my mom and dad have been doing while I've not been there to act as a buffer between them." She remarked. "You know they've been getting on a lot better than I thought they would living under the same roof again."
"Yeah, no fireworks like you expected." Jacob agreed with another lazy yawn. "How much longer is Renee planning to stay? I know you've enjoyed having her around."
"I don't know." Bella mused. "She hasn't given any indication that she's in a hurry to get back to Jacksonville and Phil."
"Trouble in paradise?" Jacob asked.
"I'm beginning to think so." Bella frowned, remembering all the subtle hints that Renee had dropped that her marriage to Phil was not the blissful union she had made it out to be. "I mean she used to speak to him at least three or four times a day when she first came down here, but I can't remember the last time she spoke to him."
"Wow." Jacob breathed. "Relationships seem to be breaking down everywhere." He was thinking about their conversation from the day before, about all the trouble with the imprinted couples. The only couple he wasn't too sure about was Jared and Kim.
"Not ours." Bella laughed as she darted toward him with a kiss.
"Never!" Jacob grinned, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss.
After the kiss was over, they relaxed again, with Bella's head leaning against Jacob's broad shoulder, her fingers tracing circles on his chest.
"You know there are so many things in my life that I don't want, but I've come to accept them. I never wanted to be a werewolf, but I am. I never wanted to be bound to the reservation, but I am. And while I always knew that I would have to take care of my father because of his diabetes, I just never expected it to be while I was still in high school. But you, you are the one thing in life I want." Jacob took her left hand, lifting it to his lips, and kissing the finger with the soda can ring he had given her. "I want us to be married. I want us to have children one day. It makes me look forward to the future. It makes me happy. You make me happy."
"I get it." Bella smiled as she reflected on her past. "I haven't made a lot of choices in my life. I've always just done what needed to be done. I love my mom, but she could be a bit of a flake, and I had to be the responsible one. Dad was easier, he's stable. Mom's life has always resembled a hurricane, going from one chaotic moment to the next. While Dad meanders along on the same roundabout course. For me it was like floating along a river and going wherever the current took me. The only time in my life that I made a real choice was when I decided to move from Phoenix to Forks, and that was for Mom, not me."
Jacob linked their fingers together and grinned down at her. "I'm glad the current carried you here." He declared. "As my old man is fond of saying-Life is like a box of chocolates, son-you never know what you're gonna get."
Bella laughed at his analogy. She twisted around in his embrace and kissed him, letting her lips linger on his. "I love you, Jacob Black." She murmured.
"I love you more." Jacob said back to her as he lay back down, pulling her with him.
A few hours later Bella reluctantly left La Push and Jacob behind. He had missed hours of work the day before and needed to play catch up, and then of course he had to check in with his pack. While he was busy, Bella decided to go home and check in with her own parents.
Of course, as soon as she left the safety of his house there was a flash mob of rain. The old Chevy's windscreen wipers could barely keep up with the flow of water. It was the sort of weather that washed everything anew, bringing deep puddles into which children splash.
Bella grumbled under her breath the whole way back to Forks about the inclement weather. When she reached home and swung the truck into the driveway, she was surprised to see that Charlie's cruiser was still parked outside. He should have been at the station by now. She wondered if he had slept in late or taken an unexpected day off, unusual for him, she couldn't remember the last time he had done that voluntarily.
Switching off the loud rumbling engine, Bella pushed open the driver's door and slammed it loudly behind her. Her sneakers sloshed on the wet tarmac as she held her jacket over her head to protect herself from the lashing rain. Once Bella reached the safety of the porch, she shook the water droplets from her jacket, while simultaneously fitting the front door key in the lock.
"I'm back." She announced loudly. "I hope you weren't too worried about me. I stayed over at Jake's."
Her declaration was met with silence. Where was everybody?
Bella hung up her jacket on one of the coat hooks in the hallway, darting a glance first in the kitchen, then the front room, to check if anyone was there. Both were empty. Charlie and Renee must have gone out.
Thinking no more of it, Bella climbed the stairs, looking forward to a warm shower and a good book to read. Just as she reached the top step she heard giggling, then a shushing sound. It was coming from Charlie's room.
"Hello?" Bella called out nervously. "Is anyone there?"
There was the sound of hurried movement. Then slowly the bedroom door was opened a crack and Renee peered out. "Hey, baby girl." She greeted Bella with a sheepish smile. "We didn't hear you come in."
"We?" Bella said faintly. Surely Renee hadn't brought a man home? Surely, she hadn't got the audacity to use Charlie's bedroom for her secret assignation while he was out of the house? She felt her face flush a dull red. "Mom, what have you done?"
"Nothing, baby." Renee struggled to look innocent as she pulled the silky dressing gown she was wearing tighter around her waist.
"Who is in the room with you?" Bella demanded.
Renee glanced behind her again, still wearing the same sheepish smile. "Busted." She laughed, opening the door wider, revealing a shamefaced Charlie sitting up in the bed inside.
A/N-thanks for reading!