Damn Gypsy Curses
Sunnydale, the world without shrimp 1998
Dear Diary,
Buffy didn't stop crying for a week after Angel lost his soul. There were moments when she dried her eyes and left the house with a brave face, trying to protect herself from a world that wanted to break her. For a while I didn't actually know what'd happened, all I knew was the Buffy was crying a lot and nothing was normal. I didn't see Willow or Xander for a while either. It seemed like the slayer stuff just dried up for a while. Mom was pleased, Buffy was in school, she was doing her homework and she wasn't staying out late. But she had this permanent look of sadness strewn across her features. Obviously mom knew something was wrong, she was just giving Buffy space. She told me to do the same.
There was one night that I heard her quietly weeping and I couldn't just sit there and do nothing. I walked across the hall and knocked lightly on her door. "Go away mom," she called from inside but she sounded like she didn't really mean it.
So I said, "Buffy, it's me." She didn't reply to that so I pushed the door softly open. "Are you okay?" I asked in a small, 'I can't make a difference anyway, but I'm here' voice. I felt small, I felt like her and her ginormous feelings dwarfed me. I was only eleven, what did I know?
Buffy looked up and me and scoffed, of course she wasn't alright. "Hey Dawnie, come here." She said, ushering me towards the bed, her tear-stricken voice enough to call me without question. She just looked so broken. Not the big sister I knew at all, she was always so strong, never let anyone see her when she was down. I sat on the edge of the bed, scared to get too close in case she disintegrated. She stroked the ends of my hair and looked me dead in the eyes. "Dawnie, when you grow up, try not to fall in love with someone that you know won't end well. Because it still hurts when everything falls apart."
"Did you love Angel?" I asked naively, of course she did, otherwise why would she be crying so much? Buffy couldn't reply so she just looked at me and I knew then, this was her first love. And it had gone wrong. I wanted to know what'd happened so badly, but I didn't ask. I couldn't push her too much. I just wanted to be helpful, so I put my hand on hers and patted her. I was such a child.
"I loved him so much that it hurts just to think about him." Her voice was starting to break now, and I think everything she was saying was for her now. It was like I wasn't in the room at all, ignored, invisible to her big Buffy problems.
Dawn Xx