Under Love Spell #01
Sunnydale, the world without shrimp 1998
Dear Diary,
I must've been crazy or something. I just remember waking up feeling super weird and like my already palpable crush on Xander was nothing in comparison to what I'd felt under that spell. I just remember Xander running through our house and chasing after him, and Willow holding an axe and my mom acting very strange. Buffy wasn't even here this time!
My only thoughts were of him, of our deep love. Of our deep connection to one another. Like we were soulmates. And any mention of anyone else loving him made me angry. Because who could possible love Xander more than me? I remember Willow screaming and calling out Xander's name and so many people in our house afterwards. Under the spell it seemed like there was only me and Xander in the entire universe. Then after there was just this chaos of women, all rubbing their eyes and trying to work out what had brought them all here. But this was all happening in my house, I lived here. I was here when Xander and Cordelia ran into the basement. Then I ran down into the basement and tried to reach for him. I couldn't let him out of sight for even a second. I just loved him so much.
After everything calmed down, Xander apologised and told us what happened. He tried to do a love spell to win over Cordelia apparently, (how that worked I have no idea.) I remember Willow being a little upset afterwards, Buffy said she avoided him for a while. She was already upset that he was dating Cordelia. But she had Oz now so she was at least a little over him. I avoided him too but it was different. We were in totally different circles, he was Buffy's best friend, he wasn't mine. I liked to think he was, but if we're being honest, I wasn't much to him other than Buffy's kid sister. I see that now. But whenever he was over at the house in the following weeks, I stayed in my room, or I went to my own friends' houses for dinner.
Mom thought I was just being weird but she had her own level of weirdness going on every time Xander came over too. I don't even want to know what happened there. My insides were churning with love for him. It really didn't feel like a spell, but then I guess Willow knew more about that than me. Buffy said she was starting to research magic and spells which I thought was the coolest thing ever. Well, it was until she almost destroyed the world...
I don't know what it is about me, but I am increasingly susceptible to love spells. Maybe it's just how I am. A romantic, obviously. Is there any other way to be? Probably. But I did seriously think one day Xander would just turn around and tell me he loved me and that would be it. We'd get married and have ten kids and live happily ever after. Maybe I've read too many fairy tales.
Dawn Xx