Chapter 26

With mixed feelings, I stood in front of Mamoru's apartment. I had already decided to leave several times but turned back each time, forming and discarding words in my head. My inner unrest grew, and my fingers trembled as I reached for the doorbell. I paused for a moment before finding the courage to press the button.

Now it was serious. Now it would be decided whether and how things would continue between Mamoru and me.

I heard his footsteps approaching as he neared the door. I held my breath as he opened it. Mamoru grew pale when he saw me, and his eyes widened. It took a moment for him to realize that I was actually standing at his door.

"Mamo... um... can we please talk?" I said quickly before he could close the door in my face. His expression was hard, but he opened the door a little wider and gestured for me to come in. As I crossed the threshold, I felt tightness in my chest, and my stomach churned uncomfortably. I just hoped I wouldn't throw up.

On the sofa, as feared, lay freshly made bedsheets, next to a large red suitcase and two bags. I tried not to show any reaction and sat on the edge of the couch. Mamoru stood in front of me, arms crossed, and looked down at me with raised eyebrows. I felt like a miserable mess.

"Mamo, I'm sorry. I didn't want any of this, and least of all did I want to hurt you," I said with a trembling voice.

He snorted contemptuously, and that threw me off. I lifted my head and looked into his hurt eyes.

"You told that guy you loved him before kissing him in front of my eyes! I really doubt that you're sorry. You're only sorry you got caught! How long has this been going on between you?" he hissed with a sharp voice.

I swallowed hard, and the lump in my throat grew bigger.

"No, I'm really sorry. Things just developed between Seiya and me. I even told him that I had a boyfriend, but he didn't believe me."

"Usagi, stop trying to blame others! One call from me, and I would have told him to keep his hands off you," he replied, getting louder. He was jealous. Whether that was a good sign or not, I didn't know. But I still didn't know what to say in response. There was much more broken in this relationship than just the issue with Seiya.

"And why didn't you tell me anything about your illness and about Rei?" Attack was currently my only defense. He curled his lips in annoyance.

"I've already tried to explain that to you. It was just to protect you," he replied, becoming calmer. "Yeah, of course, everything I've done is absolutely unforgivable, and what you've done is half as bad because you rationalize it! That's not fair, baka. You've screwed up just as much as I have!" I shouted back and jumped up. Great, instead of calmly talking things out, we were now standing face to face, screaming at each other. Mamoru rubbed his eyebrows irritably with his thumb and forefinger.

"We won't get anywhere like this, Bunny," he said, calmer, and that took some wind out of my sails.

"What do you suggest?" I conceded a little, Motoki's words still echoing in my ear – clear the air. He pulled the chair from the dining table back a bit and gestured for me to sit. "Would you like something to drink?" I slowly sat down at the table and nodded, and he went to the kitchen. Shortly after, he returned, placed a glass in front of me, and a bottle of water. Then he sat opposite me. There was still tension between us, but it wasn't as explosively high as just a few moments ago. We silently stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. "Shall we start over again? Completely calmly?"

I took a deep breath. "Yes, very gladly. Mamoru, what has become of us? I mean, we used to be the dream team, and now look at us. What's left here?" I gripped the glass and sought his gaze. Ocean blue eyes looked at me full of sorrow. He cautiously reached out his fingers and brushed mine, causing a strange tingling sensation to surge through me.

"I don't know, so much has accumulated here." Then silence fell again. Neither of us knew how to proceed from here. "I met him on my flight to Seattle back then," I broke the silence with a trembling voice. His attention was now fully focused on me.

"As the plane was overbooked at the time, I got an upgrade... I found him terribly self-absorbed, and we argued almost the entire flight... I mentioned multiple times that I had a boyfriend, but he didn't seem to care. It wasn't until we arrived at the Seattle airport that I found out Seiya was the frontman of Three Lights. I didn't realize that until then. Mentally, I brushed it off to enjoy the two weeks with you. I also didn't expect him to ever reach out again. After all, he was a star and could have anyone..." I paused briefly to assess Mamoru's reaction, but he listened without changing his expression. He had always been a good listener and thoughtful.

"... Several days had passed since I returned from Seattle when a huge bouquet of flowers suddenly appeared at my door. Among the flowers was an invitation to dinner... At first, I didn't want to go, but after some discussion with Minako, she convinced me. And no, I'm not blaming her for it. Since I showed up for that meeting, Seiya assumed that I had made up having a boyfriend on the plane just to turn him down. My mistake was not clarifying that assumption again... But in that moment, he gave me what I needed from you and didn't get. He was there, he showed me that he loved me, he took time for me, and believe me, in the beginning, I didn't make it easy for him, but he was persistent..."

Now, at least, I had laid my cards on the table regarding Seiya. Now the ball was in his court. I looked at Mamoru expectantly. He ran his hand thoughtfully through his hair. "Bunny, I'm sorry for keeping so much from you back then. I didn't know how you felt. I simply thought it was best not to burden you." I didn't immediately reply and simply lowered my gaze. "What would have happened if the treatment hadn't worked? You said the illness often ends fatally... Would I have eventually received your death certificate in the mailbox?" He tightened his grip on my hand now and squeezed it gently. There it was again, that uncontrollable urge to cry and throw myself into his arms. I swallowed and tried to regain control over my emotions. "I wanted to tell you, I wanted to tell you so many times..." "But you didn't!" "When you were with me in Seattle, I had just completed the first phase of treatment. That's why I booked the ticket for you. I wanted you to be near me in case I found out the treatment wasn't working. But you were filled with so much joy, love, and vitality, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want to weigh you down. And when the call came and my treating doctor said I was on the right path... I just couldn't do it anymore."

What had he just said? He had invited me to America so that I would be with him in case of bad news. If I had known all of this earlier... No, don't cry. No... Damn it, I felt the first tears slowly rolling down my cheek. Mamoru stood up and pulled me into his arms. I buried my head against his chest. His comforting scent filled my nose, and his heartbeat calmed me. He gently stroked my back, and I relaxed a little.

"And how should we proceed from here?" he asked softly, still holding me tightly. That was a damn good question, considering I still needed to have a conversation with Seiya, and Saphir was apparently still hunting me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him tighter.

"I don't know. I definitely need to talk to Seiya first to see where we all stand," I sobbed softly. Mamoru ran his hand through my hair. When Seiya's name came up, he flinched briefly but didn't show anything more. His touches were so familiar and gave me a unique feeling of security. After this conversation, I knew that our relationship wasn't over for him yet. There was still hope here, although not much of the relationship remained.

"Let's take it slow for now, as friends, and see where it leads. What do you think?" he suggested, and I liked that consideration. I nodded without releasing myself from his embrace. I didn't want to part from him just yet, and apparently, he didn't want to part from me either. He lowered his chin onto my head and continued to run his hand up and down my back. Friends was a good start. He didn't hate me, and that was already much more than I had expected. As the door lock clicked open, he pushed me back a little. His fingers, however, still lingered with mine. I heard the sound of heels clicking in the hallway, and as I glanced past him, there she was. That must be Rei. She was beautiful, with long black hair flowing down to her hips, slender, and had a lovely face. The black pants and the red turtleneck sweater suited her perfectly. Mamoru turned to face her, separating his fingers from mine in the process.

"Rei, you're back already. How was your meeting?"

"Oh, it went well. I think I'll have my first assignments in the next few days," she said, beginning to take off her shoes. She hadn't noticed me yet. A lump formed in my stomach as she suddenly looked over at me.

"Oh, we have a visitor. Nice to finally meet you. You must be Bunny. Mamoru has told me a lot about you," she greeted me warmly, extending her hand, which I hesitantly took.

"We have a visitor?" As if they had been living together for ages. Like a couple, a step we had never taken. I felt a small flame of jealousy flicker within me. I couldn't stay here any longer. Not with her here now. It was already dark outside, of course, it was early November.

"Yes, it's nice to meet you too. But I'll leave you alone now. I have something else to do," I quickly said and made my way to the door. But before I closed it behind me, Mamoru stood behind me. "Shall we have dinner together one of these days?" he asked softly. I smiled at him. "Yes, as friends, we can do that."

"Exactly, as friends. I'll get in touch with you once I have my schedule. I'm looking forward to it."

I closed the door, and my emotions went on a roller coaster ride. I couldn't deny that we still had deep feelings for each other, but so much had gone wrong. Would it really make sense to hold on to this relationship? His suggestion to start anew as friends had surprised me. Nevertheless, I think it was the right choice. Now the only thing left was to have a conversation with Seiya. But how could I reach him? His phone was off, Yaten adamantly refused to talk about Seiya with Minako, and I still didn't know where Taiki lived. The first snowflakes fell from the sky and danced around me as I walked home lost in my thoughts. I pulled my coat tighter around me. Oh, Seiya.