The antidote didn't work.
As soon as she had realized she'd been ensorcelled, Camila had made an excuse to go to the bathroom and had drank the vial of love potion antidote that she kept in her purse. It had tasted like she was drinking soap, and after all that it still hadn't worked, because when she emerged from the bathroom and took one look at the witches who might be her partners now, she still felt the same way about them.
She still loved Eda and Raine, and it still wasn't real. The worst part was that even knowing this didn't help. Even gazing at their beautiful faces made her heart feel like it was doing a loop de loop, like she was on a rollercoaster that was twisting and turning and that she never, ever wanted to leave. If they'd asked her to jump off a cliff right then and there, she'd do it for them.
"Camila, are you all right?" Raine asked. "You're looking rather pale." Gentle, cautious, solicitous Raine. The perfect counterbalance to the fiery and thoroughly reckless Eda. Eda, who loved with all her heart and then some. Who had made room in her heart for a girl she had never met before, and done what Camila could not – given her a path forward.
Camila felt like she should be saying something. It was the sensible thing to do. If the antidote didn't work, then it was necessary to brew a stronger one. What if they had been wrong about the Augmentation Chalice only working during a solar eclipse? What if this love potion had been supercharged? It could easily have been Luz feeling this way about Cat!
And yet, puzzlingly, what ended up coming out of her mouth was, "I…I'm not feeling so good. I think I'm going to go back to my hotel room and get some rest."
Eda looked sympathetic. Of course she did. She trusted Camila entirely, and how was Camila repaying her? With lies and half-truths. How could she ever think that she deserved one of these amazing witches, let alone both of them? "Well, let us know if there's anything we can do to help. It's probably the common mold or something. Nothing to worry about."
Camila wasn't sure that she necessarily agreed with that sentiment, but since she knew that she wasn't actually sick, she didn't bother worrying. "What's got her upset all of a sudden?" Eda wondered as Camila was on her way out the door.
"I think I heard Hooty ramble on in Camila's language," Raine said. "That'd get anyone sick to their stomach." If only they knew!
As she wandered through the streets of Bonesborough in a daze, only occasionally bothering to make sure she was going in the right direction, Camila thought about what she should do next. She could try to make a stronger antidote herself, but with how little she knew about potions, she'd probably end up blowing herself up instead. And it wasn't like she could just buy those things in a store. Since love potions were ridiculously illegal, there wasn't much market for over the counter antidotes.
No, the only sensible course of action was proceeding with the original plan. A supercharged antidote would cure her, and then she could resume her plans to woo Eda and Raine on her own terms, knowing that it was entirely of her own free will. For now, there could be no more "practice dates." She would have to approach things from as professional a perspective as possible.
Camila had had crushes before. She'd crushed on several straight girls during high school, one of whom was a close friend of hers, and managed to hide that completely from them. Of course, back then, there'd been the threat of rejection and/or complete social ostracization to consider. That wasn't the case this time. But still, Camila's will was stronger than her heart. She was sure of this.
The next few days proved her right, but only barely. Raine and Eda had been profoundly disappointed to learn that Camila wanted to hold things off on advancing their relationship until after the heist was completed. She had told them that she could only focus on one huge change in her life at a time, and she wanted to focus on the one that could help Luz the most. They couldn't argue with that logic.
Camila felt absolutely terrible for lying to them, but it was necessary. She absolutely could not advance their relationship any further when she knew that she wasn't properly able to consent to anything. And telling them that she'd been effected by the love potion would just devastate them. She just hoped that Lilith didn't bother asking Eda about the analysis of the potion, because if she did, she was pretty sure that the dominoes would fall nearly instantaneously.
On the bright side, Luz returned to the Owl House a few days after Camila had become ensorcelled. Luz seemed much more like her normal self. Whatever Eda had said to her when they had spoken must have helped a lot.
Luz was at home in the Boiling Isles. No, more than that – it was her home. Luz tried her best to avoid outright stating it, but it was blatantly obvious in everything she did, everything she said, every piece of body language. On Earth, Luz had looked for her home in fantasy books, in fiction that became increasingly and worryingly part of her psyche. But perhaps what she had truly been doing was looking for the Boiling Isles all along.
"Do you mind if I ask you a question that may seem a little…strange to you?" Camila asked Luz one afternoon, after she was done helping her with her homework. Luz was often asking for help with her homework now, but Camila quickly realized that she didn't need it. Rather, it was just an excuse for her to show off her magical and academic prowess.
"You know me, mami! I love strange."
Camila gave Luz a fond smile. "If I told you that I wanted to date Eda and Raine, what would you say to that? And I want your honest answer, Luz. Do not feel like you have to hold anything back. I can take it."
She had anticipated a lot of responses from Luz, some of which logic dictated that she would not reasonably respond with, but her anxiety tried to convince her otherwise. Disgust that she was violating the norms of society. Anger that she was forsaking Eduardo. Fear that there wouldn't be enough room in Camila's heart for Luz. And, of course, she had expected positive outcomes either. Excitement that her mothers were getting together. Joy that Camila had found someone who made her happy.
Camila did not expect Luz to look confused. "I thought you were already dating," Luz said.
Had she been that transparent? Had word gotten back to her about the date in Gravity Falls somehow? Perhaps Stan had told her out of anger that Eda was moving on without him? "Eda told me that the three of you were going to some fundraising dinner together," Luz went on.
Camila let out a grimace. It would have been really nice of Eda to have told her that she said that. "Well, I think that Eda may have misunderstood," Camila half-lied. "What I told her was that I was thinking about going as their date, but that I still needed some time to get used to the idea, as well as to get your permission."
"You have it," Luz said immediately. "I want you to be as happy as you can possibly be, mami. You could be with Wrath for all I care if you're happy, but, please, for the love of God, don't."
Camila nodded slowly. She hadn't expected Luz to be so supportive. But then again, Camila had probably been overthinking things. "And you're sure it doesn't bother you?"
"This is about Dad, isn't it?" Luz said. Camila was impressed. Luz was not normally this perceptive, emotionally.
And, in the end, it kind of was about Eduardo. In a way. Some part of Camila felt like her heart should never belong to anyone who wasn't Eduardo. They had been married for thirteen magnificent years, years where Camila had been totally and completely devoted to him. Would he really be so keen on the idea that she was moving on to be with not one, but two different people? Eduardo had been an understanding man, but would he really have been cool with her partaking in a polyamorous relationship?
Camila's chain of thoughts was abruptly interrupted by Luz squeezing her hand and giving her a sympathetic smile. For a fraction of a second, she even looked her directly in the eyes. "Dad loves you." The use of the present tense did not go unnoticed by Camila. "I've seen how you act when you're around Raine and Eda. You love them." Camila did a masterful job of not flinching. "You can't tell me that Dad wouldn't want you to be happy. So be happy, and he'll be fine with it."
"Have I ever told you that you're the best daughter in the history of the multiverse?" Camila asked, giving Luz a kiss on the forehead.
"Yeah, but I don't mind hearing it again," Luz said with a smug smile. "Seriously, though, if you're worried that you're somehow going to forget about Dad or love him less just because you're in love with other people now, don't. There's room in your heart for everyone you love. There always will be."
Luz was so wise. She had always been smart, but the Boiling Isles had given her the wisdom that Camila had feared she'd never end up gaining. It had allowed her to transform herself into someone stronger, better, more confident. She was rapidly becoming her best self, and Camila couldn't help but be incredibly proud of that.
And her words had helped Camila a lot more than she had anticipated. Camila had been terrified that she'd be unable to separate the fake emotions that she was feeling right now from her real ones after she was cured, but now she felt confident that she'd be able to sort through everything just fine. Now the only thing to worry about was actually getting the heist to work successfully.
In preparation for the heist, Camila had created a variety of summoning glyphs, which she tied to various objects that she thought might help her. These included a vial of water blessed by Gravity Falls' rabbi, a wickedly sharp dagger that she had bought in the Bonesborough marketplace, a saltshaker, and her gun. Camila didn't exactly know what it took to kill demons in the Boiling Isles – and it wasn't as if she could just go around asking people without looking like some sort of serial killer – but she figured that at least one of those things would be effective.
Of course, the plan wasn't to kill Valefar, and Camila was fine with just waltzing off with the Chalice under everyone's nose, but plans sometimes went awry, and Camila didn't have any compunctions about killing the demon who had traumatized Luz so greatly. Wow. Now she was fine with killing, albeit only in self-defense. Should she be more worried about that?
On the day before the heist, Camila attended parent teacher night at Hexside. There were so many differences between the Demon and Human Realms that she'd been somewhat surprised that this wasn't one of them. Luz's teachers gave glowing reports compared to the ones she'd gotten back in the Human Realm. (Huh. When had she stopped mentally thinking of her home planet as Earth?) Of course, she wasn't doing perfectly in her classes, but her grades were quite solid, mostly high Bs, and most of them seemed to be quite fond of her.
The only exception to that performance had been oracle class, where Luz had been struggling mightily with her grades. Right now, she was hanging onto a C- by the barest skin of her teeth. But apparently glyphs could only take you so far on that track, and one really needed to have a natural, innate aptitude for the subject to truly prosper in it. According to Luz's oracle teacher Näkijä, employers and higher institutes of learning were more understanding of poor performance in that particular track because of that.
Näkijä was a massively built, eight-foot-tall demon that looked like a minotaur, but without any horns. She had a tremendously deep, rumbling, echoey, raspy voice that Camila should have been able to barely understand, but, puzzlingly, was totally comprehensible to her. Perhaps some sort of oracle spell was involved. Näkijä's countenance was truly intimidating, and Camila still couldn't help but flinch when she made a sudden movement. But Näkijä was understanding.
"There seems to be a great similarity between human and witch anatomy, and demons and witches were once enemies," Näkijä stated. "Perhaps witches evolved from humans or vice versa, and that innate fear wormed its way into your souls." That was actually quite plausible, in Camila's opinion, though she'd substitute DNA for soul.
"You may well be right," Camila conceded. "Tell me, Miss Näkijä –"
"That's just Näkijä, thank you," Näkijä said. "Mrs. Noceda," she went on, knowing that Camila had given her permission to refer to her as that earlier, "I do apologize if I'm overstepping my bounds here, but I can sense, through my magic, that you are deeply troubled. Perhaps in matters pertaining to love?"
Camila had never considered talking about her personal life with one of Luz's teachers before, but, heck, it's not like she ever considered that said teacher could be a minotaur-esque creature either. Maybe it was time to let go of more of her preexisting beliefs. Besides, perhaps Näkijä could use her magic to foresee if going forward with a relationship with Raine and Eda was a good idea. "Could I rely on you for your discretion?"
"Provided that you do not confess a crime to me and that I do not believe that you intend to place yourself or others in danger, I promise you that nothing that you say to me will leave this room. I can make an Everlasting Oath with you, should you desire it." Camila wasn't exactly sure what an Everlasting Oath was, but it sounded far too drastic for this situation.
"That'll not be needed, Näkijä. I trust you. I've been accidentally dosed with a love potion. But the people it's made me fall in love with…I'm pretty sure I was falling in love with them already. And I'm having difficulty separating my feelings from them from before with the false feelings I feel about them now."
Näkijä looked…confused? Maybe. Camila found it somewhat difficult to read demonic facial expressions. "Curious. Did you take an antidote to said potion?"
"Almost immediately," Camila responded.
"Then I am not sure why you still feel this way," Näkijä admitted. "I do not blame you for having difficulty understanding your feelings. Romantic love can be a curse far worse than anything the fae can level. I am glad that I myself am not burdened with it." She steepled her very hairy hands. "Unfortunately, I do not believe that oracle magic can help you in this matter. Yes, I could look into the future, but there are many possible futures, and even if I can identify the most likely one – and that is by no means certain – even knowledge of it could alter it."
Camila figured that she shouldn't have been surprised to hear that. Mythology was chock full of stories about people knowing their future and things going pear-shaped as a result of that. "Thank you anyway. Talking about it helps. You know, in the Human Realm, polyamorous relationships…really aren't very common at all. I've had to deal with so many changes to my worldview recently…maybe this is just one too many for me right now."
Näkijä shrugged. "You must do what you think is best for yourself. If these potential partners of yours are worthy of you, they will understand." She stood up and offered a deep bow to Camila. "I look forward to continuing to teach Luz the art of oracle magic. Do not be discouraged if her grades drop further. As I said, oracle magic is an art, not a science, unlike all other branches of magic, except perhaps bard magic. Luz brings a fresh perspective. That matters a great deal to me."
Camila offered a genuine smile to Näkijä. "Thank you for taking the time to meet with me, Näkijä. You know, you would have made a good therapist."
"What is a therapist?"
Well, that certainly explained a lot about people in this realm, Camila thought as she left the office. Thoughts of introducing therapy to the Boiling Isles ran through her head, and then just as swiftly, she dismissed them. She wouldn't even know where to start.
Besides, the solar eclipse was nearing, and she had a heist to conduct.
Raine was disappointed that Camila had tabled the idea of pursuing her relationship with them any farther, but they were not all that surprised. In retrospect, they'd probably pushed her a bit too far. Camila was such a pillar of strength that it was sometimes difficult to remember that her life was changing in profound, almost unimaginable ways. Raine wasn't sure they'd hold up much better spending an extended period of time in the Human Realm. Earth seemed so chaotic and confusing compared to the Boiling Isles.
Eda had sulked and complained, but ultimately, she, too, had understood why Camila felt a need to focus on the heist. After all, criminal operations were old news to Eda, but they certainly hadn't been to Camila, who seemed to have been quite law abiding back on Earth. Anyway, it wasn't as if Raine was all too familiar with criminal operations themself. True, they'd led a rebellion against the emperor, but there was a difference between that and outright criminal doings, even if both had a good reason behind them.
Happily, the day of the solar eclipse was also a holiday, so Camila was able to get Luz and her friends safely in the Human Realm early in the morning. Ford had been given strict instructions not to let them back into the portal until Raine, Camila, or Eda had given the all clear. Raine really, really hoped they wouldn't sneak back in anyway. They would have done it at that age themself, although only at Eda's urging.
Raine had felt more masculine than usual that day – they even almost, but not quite, felt like being referred to with he pronouns – so they'd dressed up in the best tuxedo that they owned for the party. Camila had given them the alias Oscar Santos, in fitting with that feeling. Apparently, the real Oscar had been a friend of Camila's during her undergraduate schooling (Raine wasn't sure what that meant). And, as she had probably unnecessarily added, she had also had a crush on Oscar, although he had turned her down, as he didn't feel the same way.
Raine really hoped that she wasn't sending them a message there.
Raine-as-Oscar stayed good friends with Camila after they graduated, then went to work in the records department of Camila's hospital, and eventually asked Camila out. The real Oscar, on the other hand, turned out to find things too awkward between him and Camila, and their friendship had fizzled out.
Eda's alias was Stephanie McNamara. Camila had known Stephanie in high school, and she'd even worked up the courage to ask her out, only to be shot down with a homophobic remark. Eda-as-Stephanie had gone out with Camila for a few months, but they hadn't been ready for a real relationship and failures of communication had led to it fizzling out, which was actually eerily similar to how things had gone down between Raine and Eda the first time now that they thought about it. "Stephanie" then studied to become a teacher and, by sheer coincidence, became Luz's history teacher. Upon discovering their past connection, one thing led to another, and soon enough, "Stephanie" was being asked to join Eda and "Oscar's" relationship.
"Camila, is there a reason why you've named our aliases after people with whom you've had failed romantic endeavors?" Raine asked Camila after she'd told the two of them this during their final afternoon planning session at the Owl House.
Camila's eyes widened. She must not have made the connection before. "I…don't know. I can give you different aliases if you want. Or you could make up your own. I guess it's because I kind of hoped that things would go better than those. But not yet!"
Well, that did make a certain amount of sense. Raine reached out and squeezed Camila's hand. The gesture seemed to make her a little uncomfortable, so Raine immediately withdrew their hand.
"Hey, Cammy, I don't want you to feel pressured," Eda said. "If you're not interested after all, just say so. I'm not made of glass. I can take it. We can still be friends, and I won't leave you like Oscar did, I promise."
"What I said, and what I meant, was that I'd consider it after we're done here," Camila said, a trifle coldly. "That includes discussing it." She winced. "I'm sorry. I just…I can't now, okay? Not until I've made sure that Luz has taken the supercharged antidote."
Once the Chalice was in their custody, they had all agreed that getting a supercharged antidote to Luz would be the first order of business. Then they'd meet Valefar again under controlled circumstances and threaten to mass produce the antidote unless he made an Everlasting Oath never to harm Luz, her friends, or her family again. And once they could finally bring Valefar to justice, they'd find some loophole in the Everlasting Oath to get the antidote mass produced anyway.
"It's okay," Raine assured her. "It's best if we focus on tonight's business anyway. Although, if I may be so bold, you do look quite stunning tonight, Camila."
Camila looked away and blushed. It was true. She looked sensational in the burgundy pantsuit that she'd picked up for the party. Though Raine was hoping she'd wear a dress like she had to their date, it did make sense that she'd favor an outfit with more mobility this time around.
"Okay!" Eda said, clapping her hands. "Let's focus on the plan here." Raine had been trying to do just that, but in their defense, it was hard to do so when not one, but two, stunningly beautiful goddess-like women were standing before them, wearing outfits that made them look even more beautiful. Eda was wearing a sleeveless orange dress that was almost identical to the one that they'd worn to Grom when they went for the first time as teenagers.
"The two of you are the distraction," Eda went on. "Valefar may be a brute in private, but in public, he's got an image to maintain, so he'll try to lay on the charm. Don't antagonize him if you can avoid it, but especially don't use violence against him. Try to keep him busy as long as you can. I'm not worried about his goons, but I'm not sure who'd survive a one on one with Valefar if it came down to it."
Raine couldn't help but gulp. Eda was extremely proud of her unmatched magical prowess, but it wouldn't do her any good in the warded sanctum of Valefar's estate. True, there was glyph magic, but Valefar was stronger, physically, and that would put him at an advantage. "Is there some way we could disrupt his wards?" Raine asked.
Eda shrugged. "I have no idea. I don't really know anything about ward magic. Lilith's the expert on that, and it's not like we can ask her. Anyway, having the wards up really benefits us more than it does him. Valefar's flunkies may be morons, but even a moron can throw a fireball at your face. This should be a simple smash and grab."
She summoned a typewritten sheet of paper, one that looked similar to the original message about the Chalice. "Our mysterious informant gave me a pretty thorough look at the defenses on Valefar's safe, and I've prepared the glyphs that I need to counteract them."
Camila looked concerned. "Is it at all possible that this is some sort of trap? Who could be sending us such letters?"
"My guess is a rival crime lord," Eda speculated. "A lot of people would be all too happy to see Valefar go down if it meant that they could take his place. But don't feel too bad. It'd happen anyway, with or without their help. Are you ready?"
Camila burst out laughing. It lasted for a long time and sounded alarmingly shrill. "Ready? Of course I'm not ready! How can I be ready? I haven't done anything more illegal than maybe a parking violation in my life!" She took a deep breath. "But I'm going to do it anyway. For Luz."
"For Luz," Eda echoed, and Raine did the same. They certainly didn't have as deep a connection to Luz as Eda and Camila did, but she was still very important to them, and they were more than happy to break the law if it meant her safety. Besides, if they didn't participate, Eda and/or Camila would doubtlessly end up doing something foolish that would get someone killed. It was up to Raine to be the voice of reason.
Raine had never been to Valefar's mansion before, and they only needed to take one look at it before they decided that they never wanted to be there again. It was absurdly gaudy, making Blight Manor in its original iteration look as modest and cozy as the Owl House. Camila looked simultaneously impressed and disgusted by the sheer tackiness of the place.
"This place looks like it belongs in a Dracula movie," Camila murmured to Raine as the three of them approached the gates. "Oh, right, you don't know what that is. We'll watch one of those tomorrow. If we have one."
The guards inspected their purses one by one. This was the moment of truth. If they confiscated the glyphs, then they were more or less completely defenseless. Moreover, they wouldn't have a guaranteed escape route. That wouldn't make the job impossible, but it would make it much, much more difficult.
Thankfully, Valefar's guards weren't noted for their intelligence. It was rumored that they were dosed with love potion regularly to make them hopelessly enthralled to Valefar's will. They completely missed the papers containing the glyphs. Evidently, undying loyalty was no guarantee of competence.
They did, however, find several weapons in Camila's purse. One of them was a strange variant of her usual weapon that Raine recognized as having been carried by Ford on one of his trips to the Isles. Another of them was a switchblade and a third was a sharp wooden stake of all things. Raine wasn't sure what that was about.
"No weapons allowed," one of the guards said and confiscated all three of the items. He then took the device that seemed to function as a combination of a crow and scroll out of her purse. "What's this thing?"
"It's a cell phone," Camila explained. "Humans use it to stay in contact with each other." She pressed a button and the cell phone's screen lit up. "We can also play cat videos on it!" She showed them a video of a cat trying futilely to capture a red dot.
The guard looked impressed. "Those things look delicious. Maybe I've misjudged you humans if your culinary palates are that refined. Tell me, what's the best recipe for cat?"
Camila looked frightened. Raine guessed that she did not have an answer to this. "Gentlemen, human recipes are a closely guarded secret passed down from mother to daughter across the generations," they lied smoothly. "I'm sure that Lord Valefar would not wish to have his employees embarrass him by seeking information on so personal a matter."
"Eh, doesn't hurt to ask," the guard said with a shrug. "Enjoy the party."
"I sure as heck will, how's about you, Cammy?" Eda said, elbowing Camila, who let out an unconvincing laugh and an even more unconvincing grin as she followed the two of them inside. Raine could sympathize with that. Stage fright was an old nemesis for them. Curiously, their disguise seemed to make them feel more confident. Apparently, it was easier to perform for an audience when the audience didn't know it was them performing.
Eda squeezed Camila's hand. "You're doing super-duper, love. Remember, I'm the one with the tough part of the plan. All the two of you have to do is schmooze. Nice move trying to bring the weapons in there. Now they think they know our game. But they don't have a clue, the nitwits!"
The mansion's ballroom made the one in Blight Manor look small by comparison. Now that Raine thought about it, they weren't unsure that the fact that Valefar kept trying to outdo the Blights wasn't untrue. The thought of how upset Odalia must have been at having to attend these shindigs where people saw her being outclassed made Raine smile.
Despite Valefar's own status as a demon, Raine couldn't help but notice that the vast majority of the partygoers were witches. Belos had favored witches over demons in most of his government's activities, and that prejudice had filtered down to the rest of society. The people attending this party were some of the most influential witches in the Boiling Isles. The collective might of everyone here could probably hold the Isles in thrall for an indefinite amount of time.
Of course, not everyone here were complicit in Valefar's criminal enterprises. Ostensibly, Valefar was but a humble businessman in the field of real estate. Certainly everyone knew about his more nefarious doings, but there was a difference between knowing and being complicit in it. Not everyone at the party was a terrible person, but most of the most terrible people in the Isles were at the party.
"Okay, got to split," Eda said, and kissed both of them quickly on the mouth. Camila let out a soft giggle and then looked appalled at herself for doing so. "Be careful. I can't lose either of you."
"I love you," Raine whispered at Eda, who gave them a fond smile. She looked over at Camila's whose eyes widened. Eda then just gave a wave and slipped away. Raine didn't really believe in the Titan, but they nonetheless offered a fervent prayer to him that Eda would be safe.
Camila surveyed the large crowd of witches, looking quite nervous. "What's…expected at these things? I'm not really a party person. The last big party I went to was Luz's bat mitzvah."
"What's a bat mitzvah?" Raine asked her. They led her over to the punch table. A roundhouse kick to the face caused it to stop punching long enough for them to snag drinks for the both of them.
"It's a ritual of my faith," Camila explained. "It's the moment when, under Jewish law, one is treated as a woman instead of a child. Of course, these days, it's just a symbolic thing, but the symbolism is quite potent. Luz had to read a portion from the Torah – that's our holy book – in front of the entire congregation." A grin formed on her face. "You think your stage fright was bad, you should have seen her! But she was absolutely magnificent."
Raine loved the expression of profound pride that Camila often had when talking about Luz. Camila may not have thought as much of herself as Raine did, sadly, but it was clear that Luz meant everything to her. "She was always destined for extraordinary things," Camila said. "At least, that's what I always said. Every mother thinks that about their child, of course, but the moment she was born, the first thought that ran through my head was 'she's going to change the world.'"
"Well, she changed my world," Raine said. "So you were half-right. Anyway, I know it's going to be difficult, but you should relax. All we have to do is find Valefar and engage him in conversation. That shouldn't be too difficult. He's absolutely fascinated by the Human Realm. He was always trying to get Eda to sell him the portal door back in the day. She refused, of course."
Valefar didn't appear to be anywhere in sight, so Raine and Camila stood around and watched the witches around them chatter endlessly about this and that inane topic. They thought about asking her to dance, but suspected Camila wouldn't be comfortable with that. Camila was just starting to look relaxed when an unfortunately familiar witch approached them.
Tasha Hart did not look like a very dangerous witch, and that was one of the things that made her so dangerous. She was actually a member of the Healing Coven, of all things, a particularly ironic choice for a woman who Raine believed secretly enjoyed hurting people. But she kept that desire to hurt others very close to the chest, unlike her daughter. To the outside observer, she appeared a kind, beneficent woman. She had blonde hair, was wearing a tasteful yet expensive white dress, and Raine ached to punch her in all three of her blue eyes.
"So you must be the humans," Hart said, the barest hint of condescension present with the last word. "My name is Tasha Hart, and it's a pleasure to welcome you to the Boiling Isles." She held out her hand to shake. "It's called a handshake. It's a standard greeting among civilized company in this world."
Raine was worried that Camila would lose her temper, but she seemed completely calm. Perhaps she wasn't aware that Hart was being subtly insulting. "In mine too," Camila said, and gave a Hart a handshake with all her strength, which, by the somewhat panicked look that came across Hart's face, was quite a bit. "Luz has told me a great deal about your daughter, and her bullying habits."
A mock look of disappointment came across Hart's face. "Oh, I assure you, I do not tolerate such uncouthness. The instant I heard about her unsatisfactory behavior, I levied an appropriate punishment." Which Raine bet was simply telling her not to get caught again. "I do hope that you won't hold that against me. I do so want us to be friends. You're a fascinating…curiosity."
Camila gave her a polite, even smile. "One can never have enough friends, especially in an unfamiliar land. Tell me, Miss Hart, can you tell me where our host is? I simply must thank him for his generous hospitality."
Hart's face registered contempt for a second, though Raine wasn't sure whether it was contempt for Valefar's business or his demonic nature. Knowing Hart, it could be both. She could be surprisingly sincere about her commitment to "family values," which made the times when she was insincere all the more effective. "I'm sure that Mr. Valefar will reveal himself in due time. He does so love his…dramatics. Tell me, dear, is it true that in your realm, you burn witches?"
Camila shook her head. "Oh, no. Most definitely not. We burn other humans and call them witches. Oh, there are many horror stories I can tell you about my realm. I could blow all of your anti-human propaganda out of the water." And now, much to Raine's pleasure, Hart was starting to look like she may have miscalculated. "Tell me, dear, did you have anything to do with Cat Globb's plan to ensorcell my daughter?"
Hart looked indignant, and for once, Raine wasn't sure that it was an act. "Human, I promise you, I knew nothing about that vile plan. I am as appalled as you are. I have instructed Boscha to refrain from all further contact with Miss Globb, and I have severed contact with her parents, just in case."
Camila's smile grew wider. "Oh, well, that's all right then. But if I do find out that you had anything to do with it, I assure you, you will not live to see the next sunrise."
Hart gasped and put a hand on her chest dramatically. "Are all humans so uncouth? Here I am trying to make pleasant conversation, and I am repaid with threats and slights upon my honor. Well, I will certainly not try to bother doing so further." She shook her head sadly. "I suppose it's not your fault. Sooner or later, a hellhound always reveals their true nature."
Camila looked rather pleased, oddly enough, as Hart walked away with her head held high. "I didn't punch her in the face! I'm so proud of myself!" Raine let out a giggle. "We have people like her back on Earth. We call them Karens. Do you think she was telling the truth about not being involved in the plot against Luz?"
"I do, actually," Raine said. "Hart isn't the type to act out of revenge or pettiness. Every move she makes is calculated with the purposes of gaining advantage. Getting Luz bespelled wouldn't have gained her anything."
The doors to the ballroom swung open and Valefar strode into the room. Everyone gave him a wide birth. He was wearing a stunningly hideous ensemble: boots covered in a psychedelic pattern that was a seemingly random mixture of turquoise and red, a blue shirt and a gold blazer, both covered in sequins, and red leather pants. Raine almost felt that he should be arrested for his outfit alone.
Valefar swaggered over to the stage and shouted "My friends, your host has arrived!" A loud chorus of cheering erupted throughout the room. "And I'd like to pay tribute to a very special guest with us tonight, the human Camila Noceda!" This time the applause was distinctly more tepid. "Camila, why don't you come up onto the stage and share in the glory?"
Camila grimaced, but went up to the stage anyway. Raine had no choice but to follow her, even though all of the people looking at them made them want to throw up instead. This was a definitely unexpected turn of events, but it's not like it was bad news. If Valefar wanted to show her off, it would still keep him distracted, perhaps more so than the original plan of engaging him in conversation.
Valefar wrapped an arm tightly around Camila's shoulders. The fact that she started trembling when he did this did not appear to go unnoticed by him, as the smile on his face just grew wider when he saw it. "Now, I know that we've had our issues, but I'm sure you can tell these fine people that we're the best of friends now."
Camila took a deep breath, but Raine beat her to the punch before she could say anything. "Actually, I'd go as far as to say you're as thick as thieves," Raine said with a wink at Camila. "Hi, everyone! Oscar Santos is the name. I got to say, it's a delight to be here today." Camila goggled at them, clearly having no idea that Raine was the president of the Hexside Drama Club during their time at school. They could put on an act no problem. It was being themself that was the problem. "We're not used to this dizzying display of hospitality back in the human realm."
Valefar let Camila loose long enough to give an elaborate bow. Raine took that opportunity to wrap Camila in a tight embrace and kiss her passionately. "Mi valiente defensora is the most important thing in my life, and she's just tickled pink that you all like her so much!" Raine hoped that they were using the endearment right. Amity often used it to refer to Luz, so it was probably what humans usually said to their romantic partners, right?
Valefar gave a pose that he probably thought made him look seductive, but just made him look like he was constipated instead. "So what do you think of my outfit, Camila? I picked it out especially to honor your human culture!"
Camila cleared her throat. "It's the sort of thing that'd get you noticed there, that's for sure." She gave a nervous laugh. Clearly, Valefar's outfit was just as contemptible to her human sensibilities as it was to Raine's own.
It was time to give Camila some breathing room. "Well, Camila's a bit tired," Raine began. "Can't hold her liquor," they added in a stage whisper, to laughs from the crowd. Why couldn't they be this smooth in moments without mortal danger? "It might help her if she sits down for a while. But I've got plenty of stories about the Human Realm! Let me tell you the story of the noble Princess Buttercup."
Raine's summary of The Princess Bride lasted for at least fifteen minutes, until it was abruptly interrupted by the sound of earsplittingly loud alarms. Valefar snapped his fingers at some of his minions. One of them gave him a sword, and another five drew their own swords.
"No one leaves this room until I return!" Valefar shouted and stalked off the stage.
Hopefully Eda wasn't as screwed as Raine thought that she was. But somehow they doubted it.
It had all been going so well. Then again, it usually did, in Eda's experience, just before things all went kerflooey. She had used an invisibility glyph to sneak out as soon as the doors opened again. For some reason, they only worked when one was holding one's breath, but invisibility was nothing to sneeze at regardless. It took her some time, alternating between holding her breath and getting it back in a place where she wouldn't be noticed, but eventually, she navigated through the very confusing halls of Valefar's mansion until she reached his office.
It was almost disappointing, after all the glitz and glamour, how boring Valefar's office was. Eda had been expecting it to be strewn with torture equipment and maybe have some sort of obsidian altar. Instead, it was…just an office. A remarkably plain one. The only thing that made it particularly unusual were all the human artifacts stashed around. And yet, all of those artifacts were also, from what Eda had seen from human television at the very least, also what one would expect to find in a human office. Valefar even had a laptop.
Hang on! He had a laptop? That was a gold mine! The device could be brimming with secrets that could bring him down. It was the perfect place to hide incriminating records. No one in the Boiling Isles possessed the knowledge or the technology necessary to hack into his computer.
And, as it turned out, the bastard was so arrogant that he didn't even bother having a password. Talk about a moron! So Eda simply sat down at his desk and searched through the computer for incriminating information. It took a while for Eda to get used to the familiar technology, but it was surprisingly intuitive, or at least it was to her, though Valefar's organizational system was bizarre. Yet patient searching allowed her to find a variety of documents linking Valefar to at least five murders and definitively tying him into the love smuggling business. That was all they needed to bring him down!
The only problem was that Eda had absolutely no clue how to get the documents within to the Owl House. She really wished she'd listened to Amity more when she rambled on about human technology and how cool it was. So she just slapped a teleportation glyph onto the laptop, activated it, and teleported it to the Owl House.
And that was when a variety of alarms started blaring throughout the building, and Eda realized exactly what had happened. Valefar must not have been able to ward against glyph magic, but he had managed to cast a spell to detect the usage of glyph magic in his private office. Well, this was all kinds of not good.
But there was still time to accomplish what she came for: stealing the Augmentation Chalice and then teleporting out. The moment she was gone from the building, she'd get Lilith and convince her to get the LEC to storm the premises. The information on the laptop should be enough of a legal justification, and Eda had a hunch that Lilith wouldn't even need to bother with having one before she went in. After all, even as just her niece's mother, Camila was part of Lilith's family now.
Eda didn't bother with subtlety when it came to opening the safe. She slapped a delayed fire glyph on it, activated it, and watched as the explosion punched a hole in it. Hey, they knew she was there. Why bother with stealth? There was only one problem.
The safe was completely empty.
"Looking for this?" Valefar said from behind her.
Eda turned around to see Valefar holding the Chalice in his hand. In the other, he held a sword. He was flanked by five of his most brutish looking henchmen, all of whom also had swords. They didn't look like they were in a good mood.
It was strange how plain the Chalice was. It reminded her of that cup that all those people had been fighting over in that movie with that guy who was afraid of snakes. Everyone who had sought the Chalice, including Eda, had assumed that it was some incredibly fancy artifact, when in reality, it was so normal looking that everyone had overlooked it.
"I suppose you expect me to beg," Eda said dryly. If she was going to die, and it was looking depressingly likely now, she would at least do it with a modicum of dignity. As long as she didn't think about how Luz would react to her death…oh, great, now she was crying. Damn it all.
Valefar's smile was huge. Eda felt like it really shouldn't have fitted on his face. "Oh, you will beg. You will beg to have the chance to serve me when I conquer the Isles with my new and improved love potions." Eda grimaced. She'd forgotten about that possibility. She'd definitely prefer to die over that fate.
"But where are my manners?" Valefar purred. "We should not be having this conversation without your other human friends here." Eda perked up a little. So he hadn't realized that Eda wasn't the human she appeared to be. That could work to her advantage, although right now, she was somewhat at a loss as to how. "Minions, seize the other two humans and bring them before me alive."
The minions bowed and quickly scurried out of the room, leaving Eda alone with Valefar. For an instant, she contemplated turning into the Harpy Beast and just kicking the crap out of him, but she resisted the impulse. Some instinct told her that right now, she did not want Valefar to know that she was Eda Clawthorne.
"You know, I've always been long fascinated by humanity," Valefar said, seemingly in an effort to fill the incredibly awkward silence that had formed in the room. "Your species is so frail, and yet capable of accomplishing so many magnificent things. I sometimes wonder how powerful I could become if I ruled over humanity."
Eda burst out laughing. "You? Rule us? Come on, buddy, give me a break here. No one human has ever successfully ruled all of humanity, let alone a demon like you."
Valefar just looked amused by the comment. "Things will soon change. War is coming to the Boiling Isles. A war between your world and mine."
"Yeah?" Eda said, trying to sound casual, but inside, her mind was racing. The man who had threatened Amity in the Human Realm, Arend Havik, ran a mercenary corporation. Starting a war seemed to be well within his wheelhouse. If Valefar knew something about what Havik was planning…well, Eda definitely had to keep him talking. "What makes you think you'd win a war like that? Has your fascination with us told you about all the nuclear bombs we have?"
Valefar nodded eagerly. "Oh, yes. I know about your nuclear bombs. But they are inert objects. They are useless without the will of those with the authority to fire them."
The door opened and the minions returned with a struggling Camila and Raine. Eda's heart nearly dropped out of her chest. They had definitely put up a fight, with several bruises on both of them, but miraculously, Raine's illusion appeared still intact. "Hey, you're just in time," Eda said, somehow managing to keep the abject fear that she was feeling out of her voice. "Our host here was just telling us about his evil plan to start a war with Human Realm."
Camila rolled her eyes. "Oh, God, he's going to gloat like some sort of Bond villain. Fine, tell us your villainous plan or whatever. But if you could try to be succinct about it, that'd be kind of nice."
Valefar smacked her across the face with the flat of his sword, and Eda nearly transformed into the Harpy Beast right then and there. "Insolent whelp. You mock me, but soon none of you will have the will to defy me again." The fury that had formed on Valefar's face abruptly vanished. "As I was saying, I do so admire humanity. One of the things that I adore about them is their science. Particularly chemistry. It's really not all that different to potion making, now that you think of it."
Valefar set the chalice down upon his desk. "Are you familiar with the word aerosolization?"
Eda was not, but luckily, Camila explained it before her lack of knowledge could blow her cover. "Aerosolization is the process of converting a substance into airborne particles. And my guess is that you're going to do that to your love potions."
Valefar pinched Camila's cheek, like one would do to some sort of baby. "What a smart girl you are! Think of the potential. Entire rooms full of people ensnared in seconds, helpless slaves to my will. But aerosolizing the love potion dilutes its effect. That's why I needed the Augmentation Chalice – to strengthen the potion so that when I aerosolize it, it will have the effect of a regular strength potion."
And then, without any warning, the sunlight from the window started to dim. The solar eclipse was beginning.
"Showtime," Valefar said and then gave a malevolent cackle. He tossed the sword at one of his minions, who just barely managed to grab it. He opened a drawer in his desk and came out with a box filled with glowing pink vials – love potion. He poured the love potion one after another into the Chalice, where the glow intensified, and then back into the vials.
"Just think of the potential," Valefar said, his voice filled with an almost childlike happiness. "In mere minutes, everyone in that ballroom will be under my complete control, helpless slaves to my will. And now that these potions are supercharged, their contents can be duplicated as many times as I want and spread throughout the Isles in aerosolized format. But why stop there?! Your world will be next! All will bow before Valefar!"
Raine yawned. "Are you going to get to killing us anytime soon?"
Valefar snarled at them, causing them to flinch. "You will pay the price for upstaging me. I think I can spare one of these for you." He held up one of the glowing pink vials of love potion. "I'm going to make you take this potion…and then I'm going to make you beg me for the chance to kill your dear lovers."