Edmond Serrano had always been able to roll with the punches, and the way he had been able to do this was through the acquisition of knowledge. True, people mocked him for being a nerd, but at the end of the day, he was the one who was getting straight As and they were the ones who went through their life ignorant of how ignorant they were. Everything one knew was good. Edmond sought out knowledge like some people sought out air. He learned and he studied and he absorbed information with the aid of his impeccable memory.
Very little took him by surprise. There were two reasons for this. One was the aforementioned knowledge seeking, but the other was far less unconventional. Edmond, you see, had a secret. A superpower. He could see the future. He could not see very far into the future – a minute tops – but he could see with the utmost in accuracy and exceptionally vividly. He not only could see the future, but he could predict how various decisions he might make could alter it.
He primarily used this for flirting. Most people took one look at him and concluded that he was a socially inept nerd, but only one word of that phrase was true, and that was nerd. Edmond was a genius at flirting. He'd pretty much dated every non-straight guy at his school at some point, including a few who hadn't even realized they weren't straight until they'd met Edmond. And he used his prophetic abilities to augment his flirting, to come up with the exact right pickup line to fit his target.
Some might say that this was immoral, but Edmond was not one of them. He wasn't controlling people. He had no ability to alter their actions, merely to foresee them. The only person's behavior he was changing was his own. And if it couldn't work, it didn't. Edmond couldn't seduce a straight guy, for example. And he only used it to get himself dates; he didn't use it on the dates. Anyway, he had gotten so good at flirting – and his reputation had spread so much – that he rarely needed to use his superpower these days.
Edmond was rarely surprised, as stated, and the fact that he'd been sucked into a magical realm didn't really surprise him either. He knew that what he was capable of defied current scientific laws. Magic (as people so crudely put it; did no one have any appreciation for Clarke's Third Law?) was a logical enough explanation. His own physiological anomalies suggested a nonhuman origin. And the multiverse was a plausible enough thing.
But he had to admit, as unsurprising as it was, it was still cool. Unfortunately, it took him a lot of time to be able to admit this, because as soon as he arrived, he lost consciousness and was later put in an induced coma until, as he learned later, his bile sac could regenerate. He nearly died.
When he woke up, Amity was sitting by his bedside, reading on a Kindle.
"You're awake!" Amity said. Edmond would have berated her for making such a blindingly obvious statement if it hadn't been accompanied by a relieved expression; clearly things were pretty touch and go for a while. "Thank the Powers you're all right. I was so worried about you!"
"Of course I'm okay," Edmond said with a cocky smile. "It'll take more than some weird snake thing to kill off me."
"Emma and I've been awake for days," Amity informed him. Edmond scowled. Of course his sisters would be one upping him once more without even bothering to try. "I'm so glad you're awake now. I really missed you."
Edmond reached out and squeezed Amity's hand. "Well, I'm here now, don't you worry, sis. So how's about you brief me on what's been going on? I guess I've been missing a lot."
Amity explained just about everything that had happened to her since she arrived. Edmond was sorry to hear that Amity wasn't a wizard like she thought she was. A small part of him had actually been hoping that she was right, even though the logical part of his brain knew that she was not. He didn't judge her for having those beliefs; a lot of people believed even stranger things than that. Also, apparently Amity could morph now, so that was a thing.
One thing that did not escape Edmond's notice was that Amity's face went red pretty much every time she mentioned her roommate Luz Noceda. Amity didn't get crushes particularly often, but when she did, it was quite noticeable. Edmond was going to have to have a little chat with Luz, specifically about why she wasn't fighting harder for Amity. Luz was clearly madly in love with Amity, and damn it, it was just embarrassing that Amity was the only person in the family who hadn't had a girlfriend (other than Edmond himself, who had a very good excuse). He'd have to get them together somehow. Emma would help.
"The good news," Amity concluded, "is that we're only weeks away from returning to Earth once and for all. Once we do that, we can defeat Posterity and get Clara and Mami away from her."
Edmond drummed his fingers on the mattress of the hospital bed, a stim he did sometimes when he was lost in thought. "So what do you think you and Clara are going to do after that?"
Amity sighed. "I don't know, Edmond. I used to think that dating Clara would be amazing. And she clearly wants to date me now – unless she's being mind controlled into dating Posterity. But…"
"Dating Luz sounds better," Edmond finished.
"Yeah," Amity said dreamily. Oh, God, she was going to be worse than Emma when she had a crush. Yeah, Edmond had to get these two together, if only for the sake of his sanity.
Edmond gave Amity a confident smile. "Well, I'm going to help you two crazy kids get together."
"You're only two years older than me," Amity pointed out.
"I noticed you didn't deny the crazy part," Edmond shot back. Amity just shrugged. Fair enough. Amity was a lot of things, but usually a liar wasn't one of them.
Since there wasn't enough room in the Owl House yet to house both Edmond and Emma, it was decided that the twins would stay with Steve Harrington, a friend of Jane's, and his child Avery. Edmond quickly learned that Avery had recently broken up with Luz and was very grumpy about the whole thing. They were hiding something, Edmond knew, but his superpower – his magical power – wouldn't provide him with a method to get them to divulge their secrets. Edmond would have to get to know them better before Avery started talking. And flirting was useless too; Avery wasn't attracted to cis males like Edmond.
Well, if Avery wanted to keep their secrets, that was Avery's business. Something far more important was happening: Emma also was developing a crush. Her crush was on an intern in the healing center and fellow Hexside student named Viney. Emma was taking classes with Viney to spend more time with her, despite the fact that she was really kind of bad at it.
Viney wasn't the problem, though. Edmond had a chance to talk to her and she seemed like a very decent sort. She was levelheaded but not so much that she was a stick in the mud.
No, the problem was that if Amity started dating Luz and Emma started dating Viney, Edmond would be the only one of his siblings not to pick up an SO in the Boiling Isles. And that was just insupportable. Edmond needed a boyfriend and he needed one yesterday.
Edmond wasn't sure how one dated in the Boiling Isles. Both of his sisters had pretty much stumbled upon their crushes. Well, Edmond wasn't about to wait for "fate" to lead him to the guy of his dreams. Ugh. The very concept was disgusting. Edmond chose his own destiny. He had tried to ask Eda how to date in the Isles, but he had quickly learned that her advice was horrifyingly awful and to be ignored at all costs, at least when it came to matters of love. His attempts to follow her advice had gotten him set on fire, punched in the face, and almost eaten by a giant spider. And that was just one incident!
With his injuries thankfully healed with a healing potion, Edmond sat down at what looked almost certainly like a bar. Edmond decided to just get himself some water. There were no laws about drinking age in the Isles, but he wasn't sure how alcohol from the Demon Realm would react with his system. In any event, as he'd found out at one horrific party back home, it messed up his prophetic abilities.
Just as he was about to give up hope, a boy sat down on the barstool next to him. And, oh, God, this guy was a hunk. Rose colored eyes, messy blond hair, compact but well-muscled, with a scar on his cheek. There was a white staff leaning against his legs, like the kind that Gandalf used in The Lord of the Rings. If Edmond had tried to draw a picture of his dream boy, he'd probably have drawn this exact boy. If this guy was straight, Edmond would just die of sadness.
It was time to use advanced tactics, Edmond decided. He wouldn't dump them on just anyone, but this hunk was worth it, so much more so than the boys were back home. He reached out, put his hand on the boy's shoulder, and said, in a deep, suave voice, "Hey." Hey, if it worked for Spider-Man…
The boy looked startled, but then he caught a glimpse of Edmond's face and then he gave him a smile. It was working! His flirting was working! "Hi. I'm Hunter. I don't think I've seen you around here before."
"No, I'm new to this place," Edmond admitted. "Edmond Serrano's the name." He used his power to figure out what the best line to get Hunter interested in him was and it was…huh. He didn't expect such a cheesy pickup line to be the best move forward, but his power had never steered him wrong before. "Do you know CPR? Because you're taking my breath away."
Hunter looked bewildered. Which made sense, given the fact that Edmond had made reference to a human concept that witches probably didn't know about. So why was his power telling him that this was the best way to win Hunter's heart? "I have no idea what you just said." He leaned forward and gave Edmond a wink. Edmond's heart started beating faster. "But, man, do I want to hear you say more things. How's about we take this into the alleyway out back?"
Well. Things were moving a lot faster than Hunter had suspected that they would, but he was so not complaining. Even so… "Maybe we should do this in a hotel?" he suggested. "If money's a problem, I got some."
Hunter shook his head. "It's there or nowhere, Edmond."
Well, then so be it. Edmond wasn't one to turn down such a generous offer.
He eagerly followed Hunter into the alleyway, and then Hunter fired a spell at him from his staff and Edmond was slammed against the wall and pinned there. "Okay, do the words safe, sane, and consensual mean nothing to you?!" Edmond shouted. Seriously, if this was the kind of thing Hunter was into, maybe he was more trouble than he was worth.
"How did you know that phrase?" Hunter demanded.
"The internet is a pathway to knowledge some consider to be…unnatural," Edmond joked.
Hunter scowled at him. "Not that phrase. The one you used in the bar! That pick up line!"
Edmond blinked. "Uh, I don't know, man. It just popped up in my head. Look, as hot as you are, this is…kind of moving a little too fast for me. So, you know, it's been real, and I hope you find someone who shares your kinks…"
Hunter let out a cry of frustration, and then he slammed his staff against the side of Edmond's head and everything went black.
Lilith had devoted her entire life to the service of Emperor Belos. She trusted him blindly. She trusted that one day, the Day of Unity would save both the Demon and Human Realms, even though no one, not even Belos himself, could give her a straight answer about what it was. She believed in Belos so much that she had cursed her own sister in the name of her ambition. So she could serve him better, she said, and that had been a lie. She had only wanted to serve herself.
Lilith rarely doubted her role in the Emperor's Coven. What else was there? Anarchy? Chaos? A return to the depravities of the Savage Ages? As much as Belos' decisions could…disquiet her sometimes, she knew that his regime was the only choice for the Isles. He was the mouthpiece of a god. What did Lilith know next to his infinite wisdom?
And then Eduardo Noceda arrived in the Isles.
He was the first human in recorded history (or what was left of it after Belos, upon orders of the Titan, had ordered all records of the Savage Ages destroyed so that witchkind could not be seduced by false ideas) to be in the Demon Realm. That would have been problematic enough, but then this barbarian, this man from a species that lived in caves and bashed each other's skulls in with rocks just for a speck of saber-toothed tiger meat, had the audacity to date her sister!
Initially, Lilith had just assumed that Eda was trying to rile up Lilith. Or that she was just in it for the sex. But she was horrified to learn that Eda actually loved this animal! Eda was unapologetic about the whole thing, because of course she was. She had the nerve to invite Lilith to have dinner with them, doubtlessly thinking that Lilith would never call her bluff.
But, as always, Eda underestimated her. The look on Eda's face when Lilith showed up was priceless. She got a photograph from her memory of that moment and she hung it on her wall, just as Eda hung up her own wanted poster. Ugh. She was actually proud to have a price on her head.
And then, at dinner, the strangest thing occurred: Lilith actually found herself liking Eduardo. She thought he was utterly mad for wanting to date someone as clearly unsuitable as Eda, but he was certainly not the barbarian that Belos' preaching had led her to believe all humans were. He was polite, charming, a gentleman. In a way, he reminded her of Raine, albeit much more confident and gregarious.
Lilith couldn't understand it at all. This was not a man who lived in a cave. He had better manners than Eda had. Was it possible, she wondered, that Belos was…well, not wrong, of course; he was the messenger of the Titan, and thus his word was that of the Titan's. But perhaps he had misinterpreted what the Titan had told him? Maybe he was acting on incomplete information? If Eduardo Noceda was a barbarian, than Lilith was a wild witch.
Lilith asked Eduardo all about his home, hoping to gain some insight on that misinterpretation. What he told her confused her even further, because he contradicted literally everything that Belos had ever said about humans. They didn't live in caves at all, according to Eduardo. They didn't hit each other with rocks anymore. They had far, far deadlier weapons than that, including weapons that propelled tiny pieces of metal at gigantically fast speeds and weapons capable of wiping out entire cities. Frankly, that last part had seemed quite implausible. What manner of creature would ever birth such a weapon?
But the strangest part of Eduardo's talk about his home wasn't the part where he talked about their weapons or human advancements in technology (they had been to their moon! Their giraffing moon!). The strangest part was when he talked about his country's government. The United States of America was something called a representative democracy. Instead of one benevolent emperor ruling for life on behalf of the Titan, the people of the country elected a ruler called a president to rule for a limited time, as well as people called legislators to make laws. It was bewildering. Such a system apparently worked for them. It wasn't perfect, as Eduardo pointed out, but it largely worked.
Could it possibly work for the Boiling Isles? Lilith couldn't help but wonder.
Well, certainly it wouldn't work for Belos, as Lilith found out when she brought the matter up to him. He had gone into a long rant about how democracy was the refuge of cowards, unable to recognize when true glory stood before them. Which was strange, given that Belos had never given any indication that democracy existed in the Human Realm at all. It was democracy, according to him, that caused the United States to lose the Korean War. That moron Truman had fired MacArthur when he suggested the use of nuclear weapons against the commie bastards, according to Belos, because he was afraid of losing his voters. If they'd used the nukes, the war would have ended in their favor!
Lilith had no clue what any of this meant or any of these people or concepts were. She just eagerly nodded and gave praise to Belos at appropriate moments, and then ran for it.
That was the first incident that led her to a horrifying yet inescapable conclusion: Emperor Belos, mouthpiece of the Titan, was completely and utterly mad. It would nowhere be close to the last.
As the years went on, Lilith came to realize that Belos wasn't as infallible as he presented himself to be. His supposed missives from the Titan were often contradictory and always self-serving. The Empire, she came to realize, wasn't about serving the Titan. It was about serving its emperor. Moreover, Belos became more volatile, seeing enemies everywhere. He started ranting and raving about the red menace…whatever that was…and how they were trying to poison him. Lilith had to ignore his more insane orders and creatively misinterpret some of the less insane ones. She was a lot of things. A monster wasn't one of them.
Eda, astonishingly, decided to marry Eduardo and have a child with him. It was hard to say which one shocked Lilith more. But once she saw her niece, the aptly named Luz, Lilith couldn't take it anymore. The guilt of what she'd done to Eda had been consuming her for years; she'd confided her secret with Eduardo, who kept on urging her to tell Eda. Lilith had resisted. But now Eda had a child and for all Lilith knew, Luz could have inherited the curse! So she blurted out that she'd cursed Eda.
Were Eda not completely exhausted from labor, she probably would have throttled Lilith with her bare hands. Fortunately, Eduardo managed to talk Eda down. Eda gave her the silent treatment for a solid year and denied her access to Luz. Finally, after exactly one year had passed, Eda decided that Lilith had been punished enough and invited Lilith to Luz's first birthday party.
Titan, that girl was such an adorable child. And Lilith took one look at her niece, and she made a decision. Emperor Belos had to die. There was no way she was letting Luz live in the universe that Belos was trying to create. So she dragged Eda into the kitchen and announced bluntly, "I'm going to kill Belos and I need your help."
Eda looked utterly flummoxed. Lilith couldn't help but giggle a bit. "Who the hell are you? You can't be my sister."
Lilith chortled. "Oh, many was the time I wished you were right, Edalyn. But I'm afraid I still am your sister. Belos is mad. He's a liar, and he's dangerous. We need to kill him. You're the most powerful witch on the Boiling Isles." Eda's eyes widened, because she knew that Lilith would never have admitted that if she wasn't desperate and sincere. "Please. For Luz's sake."
"It ain't going to be as simple as just busting down his door and blasting spells in his face," Eda warned Lilith. "If it was, I'd have done it already. No, it's going to take time and planning. A lot of time. We could spend decades setting up the infrastructure for a full scale rebellion. And it's got to be perfect, because we're only going to get one shot at it." Eda grabbed Lilith's arm. "And if we do this, we're leaving Eddie out of it."
Lilith blinked. "But why? He's smart, cool under pressure."
"Because I can't lose him, that's why!" Eda snapped. "I love him, and I won't lose him. This is nonnegotiable, Lily. Take it or leave it."
Lily took it. And over the next few years, she became much more adept at riding the waves of Belos' moods, and continued to worm her way into his confidence. Belos adopted a boy, a child prodigy a few years older than Luz, and called him his nephew. Hunter, the Golden Guard, had been born without a functioning bile sac. It existed, but it didn't channel magic. But when he'd started using glyphs, his prowess at them caught the notice of the Emperor's Coven. Belos gave Hunter a staff to channel the Titan's ambient magic. He ruthlessly trained the poor boy. Lilith tried to help him out the best she could, but ultimately, Hunter was largely on his own.
On the bright side…well, sort of…Belos started taking to eating palismen, which seemed to help a lot with his insanity problems. He was as lucid as he had been before…and, as Lilith was belatedly realizing, as monstrously evil as well. Titan, how could she have been so blind?
A few months before Luz broke up with Avery (and what was that about, Lilith wondered?), Lilith's sucking up ended up paying off finally, because Belos finally told her what the Day of Unity was. And it was bad. So bad that words were nearly incapable of expressing the depths of its sheer monstrousness.
Belos revealed to Lilith that, as she suspected, he was human. He had, specifically, been a spy from Eduardo's country on an assignment to another country called South Africa. He found a portal there, an actual permanent portal, to the Boiling Isles. It must have been created by the alliance that had exiled the giraffes, Lilith later concluded, and then never closed. Once in the Demon Realm, he made a deal with certain beings in THE REALMS FROM BEYOND THE SHADOWS for the power that he now wielded. Belos didn't give her any details. Lilith had a feeling that this was a very good thing.
For almost sixty years, Belos had been gathering power in order to win the cold war against his country's hated enemy, the Soviet Union. Belos had fled Earth in the midst of a crisis involving nuclear missiles in the country of Cuba, a Soviet ally, certain that the apocalypse was nigh. It didn't turn out to be all that nigh, but Belos figured that unless he won the cold war for the United States, mankind would eventually destroy itself.
Hence, the Day of Unity. He was going to gather enough power to put an utterly impenetrable shield around the United States. Then he would teleport the entirety of the Boiling Isles to Earth. But the Boiling Isles wouldn't end up teleported directly onto the land.
It would be teleported into space. And it would fall directly onto the Earth.
Everyone who wasn't in the United States would die. The cataclysm would wipe out all life outside of Belos' home country, through starvation, tsunamis, and all manner of disasters. And that would include the Boiling Isles, despite Belos' clear lies that "the Titan would protect the worthy." Belos alone would teleport back to his homeland just before impact. Belos clearly thought that once he returned to the United States, he'd be welcomed as a hero, as the man who won the Cold War.
Lilith had smiled and said all the right things and praised her emperor for his sagacity and foresight and then ran as far as she could as soon as she could get away with it. She went to a bar, got drunker than she had in her whole life, and the next morning, she woke up with a horrendous hangover and a determination to kill her liege before his insane schemes could kill billions of people.
(As if to add insult to injury to the whole damn thing, Eduardo informed her, as she pressed him for information about the geopolitical state of his realm, that the Cold War had been over for decades and the Soviet Union didn't even exist any longer, because the United States had won the Cold War. Somehow, she didn't think that Belos would react well to learning this information.)
Lilith didn't think that things could get any worse with regards to her emperor's sanity. As had so often been the case these days, she was proven wrong. Right around the time when Luz broke up with Avery, Belos…changed somehow. It was not particularly noticeable to those who didn't know him very well. Or Kikimora, who wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. But Lilith noticed. She noticed how Belos was more focused, more sadistic, more hateful. It was subtle. It was very subtle. He just wasn't acting like himself.
Soon afterwards, Belos charged Hunter with treason and ordered him executed. Lilith volunteered to carry out the execution. Unbeknownst to everyone, it was an illusion that she "killed," and she spirited the real Hunter away to one of the rebellion's hideouts. He had been reluctant to act against his beloved "uncle." The poor boy actually believed that he had done something to deserve death. But eventually, Lilith had been able to persuade him otherwise.
Since then, Lilith had taken the boy under her own wing. She gave him the parental affection that he'd been starved of under Belos' tutelage. And he became a very able spy for the rebellion. Lilith wished that she could keep Hunter out of trouble, but she soon learned that was impossible. He had to be doing things to make himself "useful" or his mental state would deteriorate. Either way, he'd be in danger, from himself or others, and at least this way, he was happy. She'd have to address his problems later on, but that would have to wait until Belos was dead and Lilith was the first president of the Boiling Republic. Or whoever they'd elect. Whatever.
"Hunter, dear, why in the Isles did you bring this child here?" Lilith asked Hunter delicately when Hunter marched into the hideout and dumped an unconscious child on the ground like he was a sack of doomtatoes.
"He knew the passphrase, mom," Hunter explained. "He says his name is Edmond Serrano." Lilith arched an eyebrow. Now that was interesting. During the early stages of their relationship, Eduardo had tried to flirt with Eda through the means of some rather awful pickup lines, only for each one of them to go over Eda's head. Eda coopted those lines, specifically the ones that would only be comprehensible to humans, to use as code phrases.
Hunter was supposed to be meeting with a certain demon who was willing to sell the rebellion a rare magical artifact that could make abominations more durable and stronger. Instead, he had ran into Amity's brother, who had known the passphrase. Could Amity have overheard Eda mention the passphrase and gotten her brother to investigate? It sounded farfetched, but no other explanations were coming to mind.
It was time to find out. Lilith cast a waking spell and Edmond jolted awake. Or at least he appeared to. It was now clear that he'd been awake for some time. He looked over at Lilith. He recognized her, presumably from the propaganda posters. "Oh, man! Look, I'm so sorry. I had no idea your mom was a big deal! I'm sorry I flirted with you. I'll never do it again!"
Lilith used her magic to summon vines which wrapped around Edmond. "This is the last time I'll ever try to pick up a guy at a bar," he muttered.
"How did you know that phrase you used?" Lilith demanded, and used oracle magic to sense whether the next answers would be a lie.
Edmond sighed. "Look, I kind of got this innate talent. Like Luz's oracle magic. Oh, Luz is –"
"I am familiar with my niece," Lilith said wryly.
Edmond's eyes widened. "Oh, man, I tried to pick up Luz's cousin! Oh, this is so bad." He cleared his throat. "Okay, so I kind of can see into the future, not very far, but really well. And I use it for flirting. So I just used my power to figure out how the best way I could get closer to Hunter was, and that's the sentence it came up with."
Lilith wasn't anywhere near Näkijä's level of talent at oracle magic, or even her niece's, but she couldn't sense a lie in Edmond's statements. "Well, I'm afraid you know too much now." Edmond flinched. "Relax, child. In the human world, the only way to ensure that one cannot tell a secret is death, but here, we have more options available to us."
She pulled out a flask from the pocket of her robes. "This is a forgetting potion. Drink it and in five minutes, you'll have forgotten the entire last hour. The slate will be wiped clean."
Edmond looked sad and he looked over at Hunter. "But I don't want to forget you, Hunter. I want to get to know you better."
Hunter blinked. He had been no stranger to having people interested in him, but this was, to the best of Lilith's knowledge, the first time that someone had been interested in Hunter, and not the Golden Guard. People had sought to get close to the Golden Guard to secure his favor and, through him, Belos. But Edmond had zero clue of the status Hunter used to enjoy in the Empire's hierarchy. He was just interested in Hunter for himself. And by the hopeful look on Hunter's face, Hunter was interested in Edmond too.
Lilith sighed. Why did things have to get so complicated? The sensible option would be to insist on the potion anyway. Hunter would understand. It was a security risk to have Edmond knowing of Hunter's continued survival. It wasn't as if they were madly in love, after all. They had only just met. Once Belos was dead, Hunter could seek Edmond out and try again. And yet…
Hunter had suffered so much. Belos had tortured him, abused him, gaslit him, and made him think that it was all for his own good. He had messed up Hunter in very fundamental ways. It was rare to have Hunter be happy about anything. Edmond would make him happy. How could Lilith deny him that?
"Curse my maternal instincts," Lilith muttered. Then, at a regular volume, she said, "I suppose that if you can be trusted, I can let you keep your memories." Edmond nodded vigorously. "Hunter is supposed to be dead. His survival must remain a secret from everyone else, including his cousin. Luz doesn't know I've adopted him, so don't worry about harming her by hiding that secret."
"I promise that I'll keep your secret, ma'am," Edmond said humbly. "So I'm going to guess you're plotting to overthrow Belos?"
Lilith took a step backwards in shock. "How did you know that?!"
"Well, A: You just admitted it, and B: In my experience, when there's a totalitarian regime, there's always people plotting against the emperor or whoever. You want the throne for yourself. That's cool. Well, I mean, I don't know if it's cool, but, heck, you are Luz's aunt and Luz is pretty awesome, so you've got to have something going for you." The logic was sound enough, Lilith had to admit. They were hiding in the shadows, using code phrases. A rebellion against the throne was a plausible explanation from an outsider's perspective.
"The emperor has become dangerously unstable," Lilith explained. "He's a crazed psychopath. He even ordered Hunter, his own nephew, executed. Thankfully, I managed to save him." It was better not to discuss the plans for the Day of Unity right now. Edmond would freak out, and he might tell Luz. And who knew what Luz would do then. The child was even more chaotic than Eda sometimes.
Edmond didn't look particularly phased by this news. "Okay. Have you considered assassinating him?" Lilith just stared at him. Oh, Titan, he and Hunter were going to get up to all sorts of chaos. Why couldn't anyone around Lilith be normal? "I bet it'd be easy. You could just stick a knife in the back of his head. He trusts you, right?"
Lilith laughed. "Nothing's ever as easy as it looks. The emperor's command of magic is unprecedented. His oracle powers far outstrip yours. He'd see any attack coming a mile away."
"Maybe you could snipe him with a crossbow?" Edmond suggested. "You have those here?"
Lilith paused for a few seconds. Eda had been stocking up on weapons that she'd stolen from various human gun shops and military bases. She had a fairly large collection, not enough to outfit an entire army by far, but enough to turn the tide if it came to open battle. And she did have a few sniper rifles. "We might have access to ranged weapons, yes," Lilith said. "But the emperor rarely makes public appearances these days. We'd have to draw him out somehow."
Edmond rubbed his hands together. "Ah, the Lee Harvey Oswald approach!" What was it with humans and their propensity to make references to things Lilith didn't understand?
"You seem to be very comfortable with killing people," Lilith noted.
Edmond scowled at her. "I'm not going to kill him. I mean, it's one thing to plan an assassination, but to do it…no, I'm not capable of that." He sighed. "Look, Lilith, what I care about right now is protecting my family. If Belos finds out you're plotting against him, he'll kill your entire family and their associates, which now includes my sister. Keeping Amity safe is my number one priority. Any good ideas how to draw him out?"
Lilith's lips parted in a slow smile. "No…but I'm pretty sure I know who does."
Edmond looked over at Hunter, who had his arms crossed and was looking down at the floor. Lilith wasn't quite sure what was going on in his head, but she had a hunch that it wasn't good. After all, they were talking about killing his uncle. He had accepted, intellectually, that Belos was the enemy, but his heart was taking a while to catch up.
Edmond appeared to notice Hunter's distress too, because he directed a wide smile at him, and said, "Want to help me prank your cousin?"
Hunter looked up and he gave a rare smile in return to Edmond. Spectacular. These two were going to get along like a house on fire, weren't they? Or possibly set someone's house on fire. "Sure," Hunter said with a shrug. "Why not?"
It was like Edmond's life had turned into the plot of some sort of paranormal romance novel. He was now enmeshed in a deadly conspiracy against an evil emperor, and now had a gorgeous yet internally tortured love interest. Blonde, scarred, muscular. The ideal YA love interest. How Edmond had looked down on Emma for reading such books. Now she was getting the last laugh, as she so unfortunately often did.
That was not to say that he believed he was in such a novel. He knew, quite well, that he lived in reality. He wasn't like Amity with her delusions of wizardry. Which, you know, he'd never judged her for, because having magic was weird and everyone needed their coping mechanisms. But still, Edmond was very cognizant of the fact that he wasn't some Chosen One, and that the scheme they had concocted would end in death. Ideally, it would be Belos' and no one else's, but Edmond was not blind to the risk either.
Still, it would take a while for Lilith to execute her plan. She wouldn't tell any of them what it was, which was fair, in Edmond's opinion. He was a complete stranger, and the enemy could probably just suck information out of his brain. Or something. Who even knew with magic?
In the meantime, Edmond was determined to take the mettle of Amity's crush Luz. Apparently, she'd dropped her last joyfriend like a hot potato when presented with the opportunity to date Amity. Edmond couldn't have Amity's heart be broken if Luz decided to do it again. No, he had a brilliant plan to test Luz's love for Amity.
"This is highly unethical," Hunter pointed out, as the two of them walked through the Bonesborough Marketplace's shadier sectors. It hadn't been too hard to figure out where they were. He just had to threaten to crack a few skulls. Hunter could glare with the best of him; he was the best partner in mischief Edmond had ever had.
"Ethics are a construct," Edmond said with a dreamy smile. Hunter looked alarmed. "Also, it's not. It just looks that way, which is the point."
Hunter sighed. "I've never even met her, you know. My own cousin, and I haven't even seen her face. I don't even know what she looks like."
"It's okay; I do," Edmond said. "Aha! There we are. The Apothecary of the Stygian Darkness. Huh. That doesn't sound exactly like a reputable establishment. Perfect for our purposes! No one would believe we were up to anything but no good."
Hunter looked at him askance. "Are you insane?" The question did not appear to be meant rhetorically; he was genuinely curious if Edmond was mad.
"I'm afraid so, cazador," Edmond said with a wink. Hunter blushed. Edmond's flirting techniques were working! Hunter may not have known exactly what cazador meant, but he knew that Edmond was giving him a flirtatious pet name, and that was what mattered. "But let me tell you something: All the best people are!" He reached out and squeezed Hunter's hand. Hunter gave a dorky grin. Yeah, this guy was a keeper.
Edmond strode over to the Apothecary of the Stygian Darkness – he was just going to assume that this fellow had the same name as his store, because it was a seriously metal name – and gave him a cocky smile. "One vial of your strongest truth potion, please!"
The Apothecary of the Stygian Darkness peered at him quizzically. At least, they appeared to be doing so. Their face was completely concealed by a hood and a smooth, featureless obsidian mask and their body was obscured by black robes. They were humanoid, and that was pretty much all Edmond could tell. You're a minor, a thought appeared in Edmond's head, as if he himself had thought it. Telepathy! Cool! It's not legal for me to sell you such a potion.
Edmond laughed. "Since when does someone like you care about the law?"
I have no interest in getting in trouble with the Emperor's Coven. This could be an effort at entrapment for all I know.
Edmond put his hand over his heart as if the very word entrapment had delivered him a mortal blow. Okay, maybe he wasn't the universe's best actor, but he didn't need to be. "Perhaps you could charge me a surcharge to prove my trustworthiness," Edmond suggested. Where the hell was she? She should have been there by now! "By the way, what are your preferred pronouns?"
The Apothecary of the Stygian Darkness was silent for a few moments. Well, they'd been silent the whole time, if one wanted to get technical, but they weren't transmitting anything telepathically. I prefer they/them. What do you want the truth potion for?
"I'm going to conduct an interrogation," Edmond explained. "My sister is planning on dating a girl who may not be entirely trustworthy, and I don't want her to get her heart broken." He pointed at Hunter. "Oh, and this is Cazador. He's just a friend. Or are you?"
Hunter shrugged. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves."
Ten percent extra charge, the Apothecary of the Stygian Darkness eventually said. And if this turns out to be a trap, I will have you killed.
"Good thing it's not a trap, then!" Edmond said perkily, and reached into his pocket for the coin purse. Steve wasn't going to be happy when he realized that Edmond had stolen from him, but that was a later problem.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" a voice shrieked, and Edmond couldn't help but give a slight smile. And now, the now problem had arrived. Just as planned.
Edmond turned around to see Emma standing in the middle of the street, Viney beside her, looking absolutely furious. "I?" Edmond said in a fake tone of wounded innocence. "Why, dear sister, you wound me. Why would you assume that I'm doing anything?"
"Because you just bought a vial of Verity Serum from the shadiest proprietor I've ever seen?" Emma said in the most deadpan tone imaginable.
Excuse me. I am not shady. I am stygian. There is a difference.
"You stay out of this!" Viney shouted. The Apothecary of the Stygian Darkness let out a yelp in their minds and quickly disappeared behind a curtain. "Edmond, what are you doing with this? This is far stronger than an average truth potion. It can cause the target to divulge truths that not even they recognized, truths that sometimes, witchkind was not meant to know."
Edmond pouted. "But I need to figure out whether Luz is worthy of Amity!"
"You're not going to do that by drugging her, Edmond!" Emma shouted.
Edmond looked over at Hunter. "You know what, Cazador? She's right." Emma arched her eyebrow, Spock style. Edmond couldn't do that, and he was always jealous that she could, and she knew that. "No, I speak now a changed man. Your wise words have convinced me, O noble sister mine! I will not use this potion on Luz."
"You really think I believe this crap?" Emma said. "I'm disappointed that you think I'm going to fall for it."
"You could do an Everlasting Oath," Hunter suggested. Edmond smirked. Hunter was really turning out to be the perfect partner in crime. Edmond didn't even have to hint at taking the Everlasting Oath for Hunter to realize that it was necessary for the plan for him to make one. "It's impossible to break one. It's just not physically possible." Viney nodded in confirmation.
Emma pursed her lips. "Fine. Viney, would you do it? I don't know how."
Edmond raised a hand. "I hereby vow that neither I nor Cazador will use this truth potion on Luz Noceda. Or trick her into ingesting it herself. Or convince or trick someone else to give it to her. So do I, Edmond Serrano, vow it."
Viney made a spell circle. "The oath is bound."
"And I'll be taking that," Emma said, and grabbed the potion out of his hands. She tossed it on the ground, where it broke and spilled, quickly evaporating. A shriek echoed in their heads from the Apothecary of the Stygian Darkness. Must you despoil valuable merchandise so?!
"It might be time to skedaddle," Viney suggested, and they all followed her suggestion.
Later that day, Edmond was in the living room of the Harrington residence when the doorbell rang. He rubbed his hand together. "Showtime." Edmond walked over to the front door and Luz was on the other side. "Hi, Edric – Edmond," Luz said, swearing under her breath. Now that was interesting. Why would she have mixed up his birth name and his real name? Well, that and many more questions would be able to be asked in the interrogation. "Where's Avery?"
Edmond made his face look ashamed. "I'm afraid they're not here. I may have borrowed their scroll to get you here." Luz started looking alarmed. "Don't worry! I don't mean you any harm. I've just heard that you might have an interest in my little sister and, well, I've got a few questions for you. How's about we head into the kitchen?"
Luz relaxed a little bit as she followed Edmond into the kitchen and sat down across from him at the kitchen table, though she still seemed wary. Truly, it was dispiriting. Had word not reached her that Edmond had vowed not to use truth serum on her? Oh, crap, maybe it hadn't. Well, that had to be fixed. "I'm sure you've heard from Emma that I planned to use truth potion on you during this conversation," Edmond said. Luz's eyes widened. Clearly, she hadn't heard any such thing. Excellent. "But don't worry! I made an Everlasting Oath with Emma that I wouldn't."
He looked Luz straight in the eye. "Please don't do that!" Luz said in a high pitched tone. "I don't…I can't handle eye contact."
"I'm sorry," Edmond said truthfully, and refocused his eyes so that he was looking slightly below Luz's eyes. "Now, Luz, tell me exactly why you're so interested in Amity."
Before Luz could answer the question, a water balloon sailed through the open window and splattered its contents all over Luz. Luz's eyes widened with horror. "Cazador, get in here!"
A few moments later, Hunter walked into the kitchen, looking completely unashamed and utterly smug. It was such a hot look on him. It took all of Edmond's self-control not to simply pounce on the boy. "Luz, don't worry," Edmond said. "There's no truth serum in this water balloon, just water." He winked outrageously at her. "As a matter of fact, I made an Everlasting Oath with Emma that neither I nor Cazador would dose you with the Verity Serum. Which, by the way, is twenty times stronger than regular truth serum."
"Oh, but Edmond, remember, Cazador is just your nickname for me," Hunter pointed out. "I wasn't covered by the Everlasting Oath."
Edmond hit himself on the head lightly. "Oops! Oh, well, it happens to everyone. There's no truth serum in the balloon, is there?"
"Absolutely not," Hunter said in a tone absolutely dripping with sarcasm. "I would never do something like that. That would be wrong."
Edmond turned back to Luz and gave her a shark-like grin. "So…now that we've established that it's completely impossible for you to be under the effect of truth serum," he gave her yet another wink, "what are your intentions with my sister Amity?"
Luz was silent for a few moments. Her face started twitching as she "tried to fight off" the effects of the alleged truth potion. The whole plan was utterly brilliant, in Edmond's opinion. In reality, he and Hunter been telling nothing but the pure unvarnished truth with their words the whole time, relying on tone of voice and body language to make Luz and Emma think they had been lying. There was indeed nothing but water in the balloon. He never intended to dose Luz with truth potion, merely to make her think she did.
"I have to get her to fall in love with me by the end of the summer, or her counterpart from the alternate universe where I'm from will be stuck in an enchanted sleep forever!" Luz blurted. Wait, what? "I'm from another universe," Luz went on. "Queen Zoe of the Seelie Fae switched my consciousness out with the Luz from this universe. She also sent me back in time."
Well. Edmond had to admit that this was an extremely inventive response to their prank. In all honesty, he probably deserved it. "Okay, Luz from another universe," Edmond said teasingly. "So tell me, what's the differences between your universe and mine?"
"Well, for starters, your parents didn't send you through the portal," Luz said. Edmond was extremely impressed. Luz was a damn good actress. He might even have believed her if it wasn't so silly. "They raised you and believe me, it wasn't fun for any of you. But they're in jail now. Papi is dead, and my biological mother isn't Eda, it's…" Her faced twitched repeatedly again. "Your adoptive mother! Goddamn it, stupid truth serum!"
Hunter cast a worried look at Edmond. "Ed, I think she might be telling the truth. Or at least, she thinks she does."
Luz blinked. "Of course I'm telling the truth! You gave me truth serum."
"Luz, we were just tricking you into thinking you've been dosed," Hunter said gently. "There was nothing but water in that balloon, honest."
Luz started breathing heavily. "Oh, God. Oh, no. No, no, no! I just ruined everything!" She grabbed Edmond's arm and looked imploringly at him. "You can't tell Amity! You can't! I will do literally anything. If you tell her, I won't be able to save my Amity!"
This was…not good, to say the least. Hunter was right. Luz believed she was telling the truth. But was she right or just insane? Edmond had no idea. He didn't have enough data to work with. "We're not going to tell Amity anything," Edmond promised her. That much was true. If they deemed Luz to be insane, they'd go to her parents and inform them, not to Amity. "Luz…this is a lot to ask someone to believe."
Luz let out an alarming giggle. "Uh, yeah, you caught me. It was just a joke! A little prank to get back at you."
"The fact that she doesn't know how to lie at all does point to her not being raised by Eda," Hunter pointed out.
Luz started shaking. Oh, God, the poor girl. Edmond had to do something. But what? He was tempted to turn to his power, but decided not to. He had to stand on his own two feet in crisis situations, or he'd get over-reliant on it. "Luz Noceda, look at me," Edmond commanded her.
Luz looked at him, tears filling her eyes and fear in every corner of her face. "I believe you," Edmond decided. And he did. It was impossible to figure out whether or not she was right with the tools he had available to him, so he decided to trust his gut and believe her. Besides, his gut feeling was probably augmented with oracle magic, so it was a pretty safe bet.
"You kind of look like you could use a hug," Edmond said and got out of his chair. Luz jumped out of her seat and pretty much tackled him with a hug.
"It's been so hard," Luz said, between sobs. "I've been lying to everyone, to my own father, to Amity! Every moment I spend here is a reminder that I don't belong here. That this isn't my home. And to make matters worse, I'm going to lose someone no matter what I do! I'll lose Papi again if I win, and I'll lose Amity if I lose!"
Hunter stepped forward, looking sympathetic. "Luz, I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. Edmond and I never should have tricked you. I'm sorry about that."
Luz nodded. "It's okay. I forgive you…Golden Guard." Hunter let out a yelp. "Yeah, I know who you are. I got future knowledge! Well, some of it, anyway." She frowned. "It's not as reliable as I thought it would be."
"I'm not the Golden Guard anymore," Hunter said quietly. Edmond cast him a proud smile. He had a feeling that this had been a hard conclusion for him to reach.
"That's great news!" Luz said cheerfully. "Hey, if you need any help, I'm around." She pointed sternly at Edmond. "You are going to tell Amity that you tricked me into thinking I got dosed with truth potion, and you're going to give her a good report. Don't argue with me. You owe me!" Edmond nodded. He was fine with that stipulation.
Edmond Serrano had no knowledge of Edric Blight. He didn't know a damn thing about him. But he did know that he had a responsibility to his sister – to every version of his sister. Saving Amity Blight from an enchanted sleep took higher priority over preventing Amity Serrano from getting her heart broken again. He didn't like it, but it was true. He would do everything he could to keep his family safe. No matter what.
Amity was happier than she'd been in quite some time. At first, when she'd heard that Edmond had tricked Luz into thinking she'd been dosed with a truth serum, she was furious. Her fury quickly faded when Edmond told her that Luz had admitted that she loved Amity. She loved her! How awesome was that?! Luz actually loved her. And not only that, she'd gone into great (and, according to Edmond, nauseating) detail about the various reasons why she loved Amity, ranging from those that were only pertaining to her outer beauty to those that went down into the very depths of her soul. Edmond capped the whole thing off by announcing that Luz had his seal of approval, and he didn't give that to just anyone, Amity knew. None of Emma's girlfriends had gotten it. Well, maybe Viney would.
She didn't have to worry about her family anymore. Okay, true, a basilisk that had tried to kill Amity was still impersonating her. But Posterity clearly had a possessive love of Clara and Camila, and thus would keep them safe until Amity returned. And her siblings were in the same realm as her and knew she was alive and safe now. As much as they annoyed the hell out of her, Amity dearly loved her siblings and having them around to help her was a huge weight off her shoulders.
As she told Edmond previously, the idea of dating Clara was losing a lot of the luster that it previously had. Oh, Amity still had a deep fondness for Clara, but maybe it was possible she had just confused her feelings as Clara's best friend for a crush? Or maybe it was just a crush that had faded. Who knows? The point was, she now was ready to date Luz.
"So…remember how you asked me out?" Amity asked Luz, who before that statement had been watching some sort of program on one of Eda's crystal balls. Luz immediately turned her head so quickly towards her that Amity was worried she might get whiplash. "Well, how's about we give that another shot?"
Luz's eyes lit up in an display worthy of her name. "Really? You mean it?"
Amity reached over and squeezed Luz's hand. "Luz, I wouldn't lead you on. I'd never do that. I want to date you." Luz looked like she was about to short circuit. Amity clapped her hands sharply, bringing her back to reality. "I won a bunch of snails in a Hexus Hold Em game with Eda. I want to treat you to a fancy dinner."
Luz let out an excited squeal. "Yes! Oh, Amity, this is perfect. You're, you know, smart, cool, and classy, so, yeah, a fancy dinner place is a perfect date! Oh, man, what am I going to wear? I'm freaking out! Why am I freaking out? I've done this before. Dated I mean!"
Amity put her hand on Luz's shoulder. "I'm sure that whatever you wear, it'll be utterly stunning."
Amity's prediction was proven right. When the time for the date rolled around, Luz walked into the living room where Amity was waiting, dressed in a beautiful looking but not especially ostentatious red dress of medium length. She looked so amazing in it. Was Amity drooling? Oh, shit, she was drooling. Okay, she thought to herself. Cool head. Calm head. Keep your composure, Amity.
"PRETTY!" Amity blurted. "You look so pretty! And beautiful, and cool, and okay, I've really got to stop talking now."
Luz walked over to her and kissed her on the cheek. Oh, man, Amity was going to melt into a puddle of gayness before the evening was over, wasn't she?
"Just remember to come back to the house by midnight," Eda said with one of her wicked witch style cackles. Luz blushed scarlet. "Ah, don't worry about it, kid. You've got a good head on your shoulders. I trust you." She nudged Amity. "I was talking to you, by the way!"
Eduardo shook his head in disapproval, but Amity could tell that it was feigned. "I'm sure you'll have a lovely evening, lucecita. You know, I took your mother out on a date once at Le Sceptre Magique." Huh? That wasn't the restaurant that they were going to? "Not that she realized it was one…"
"Obliviousness in the face of romantic advances is a Clawthorne family trait," Luz conceded. "I guess it's a good thing that I made the first move, right?"
"Well, I made the move that counted," Amity said with a touch of gloating in her tone. "Shall we get going?"
"Oh, we shall," Luz said with hunger in her voice.
Once the two of them were at a sufficient distance from the Owl House that she was sure that they weren't being overheard, Amity wondered, "Why did you tell them we were dining at Le Sceptre Magique? We have reservations at Le Royaume des Gourmandises."
"I don't want them spying on us," Luz explained. "Papi wouldn't, but Mom…well, I wouldn't put it past her." That did make sense, Amity reluctantly conceded. Eda did seem like exactly the kind of person who would spy on her daughter's dates. And the last thing that Amity wanted was an audience.
Though they could have teleported there, Luz and Amity had decided to walk to the restaurant, to enjoy the fresh air and savor the experience as much as possible. It was a beautiful night, pleasantly warm with just a touch of a gentle breeze. Amity could not have picked a better evening for her date if she had tried. And the fact that Amity was holding Luz's hand throughout the whole walk, well, that was just icing on a very lovely cake.
Amity should have known that everything would go wrong. Nothing was ever as perfect as it appeared. But even she couldn't have foreseen what was about to happen next, nor could Luz with all the oracle magic she could muster. As they were walking past the central square of Bonesborough – which was dominated by a truly gargantuan statue of Emperor Belos – a portal appeared out of nowhere, a swirling light and dark brown vortex with a pattern that looked damnably familiar.
And then a giraffe stepped out of it. It had glowing red eyes, but it was still, unmistakably, a giraffe.
Amity couldn't help but let out a giggle, but her laughter very quickly faded when she saw that no one was finding the situation funny in the slightest. In fact, everyone around her looked absolutely horrified. More than horrified. They were petrified almost beyond the capacity for rational thought. Amity recalled that giraffe was one of the vilest swears that the Boiling Isles had to offer. Maybe there was a good reason for it. The two of them quickly ran to an alleyway and hid there.
"I have come upon these Isles and with my four hooves taken possession," the giraffe thundered in a voice that Amity's brain was insistently telling her was much louder than her ears were telling her it was. "I, Emperor Sutekh of the giraffes, do hereby reclaim these lands, and all who stand in our way will be slain!"
Amity looked over at Luz, who looked positively bewildered at this development. "This…isn't right," she muttered. "This shouldn't be happening."
The crowds parted and none other than Eda emerged from them. She swaggered confidently through the crowd and posed in the center of the square. "Time's up, Belos! You threaten my hubby, I get reinforcements from the human realm! Yeah, that's right. I'll do whatever it takes to protect my family, even make deals with the giraffes. Ain't that right, Sutekh?"
"The Camelopardine Empire has risen again, and Clawthorne has wisely submitted to our infinite grandeur!" Sutekh announced. "In exchange for her fealty, we will be appointing her viceroy of the Boiling Isles, while we expand our influence throughout the Demon Realm! So saith Sutekh, Emperor of the Demon Realm!"
There was a cloud of grey smoke and then Belos was standing before Sutekh. "Oh, very clever," he said in a low, menacing tone. "But not clever enough." He waved a gloved hand and Sutekh disappeared, as if he was never there. Which, Amity realized a moment later, he hadn't been. He was only an illusion. A very good, very lifelike illusion. But an illusion nonetheless.
"Oh, I don't know, Belos," Eda drawled. "It was good enough to get you outs here. We know about your plans for the Day of Unity."
Belos let out a laugh. "Oh, I'd be very surprised, Edalyn, if you knew a damn thing about my actual plans." He raised his staff. "I imagine you must think yourself so clever. But you, like everyone else, is operating on a very false assumption. I'd correct you, but why should I bother when killing you would be so much more fun?"
Eda tried to make a spell circle and then Belos waved his staff and disrupted it before she could complete it. He waved it again and vines appeared from nowhere and wrapped themselves around Eda's neck. Amity had to physically hold Luz back from intervening. There was no point in getting herself killed as well. She'd just provide a pressure point for Belos to use against Eda.
And then a loud crack echoed throughout the square and a bullet smashed straight through Belos' mask and out the other side of his head. Green blood sprayed everywhere. The vines abruptly disintegrated around Eda's neck, and she dropped to the ground, unconscious. Three people wearing cloaks emerged from the crowd, removed pistols from the cloaks, and opened fire on Belos. The bullets moved too quickly for Belos to deflect. Bullets smashed into his chest and legs and more green blood fell to the square. Amity was horrified to see that one of the cloaked assassins was none other than Edmond. She only caught his face for a second, but she'd recognize it anywhere.
Belos waved his staff and he was healed. Then he swung it again and the assassins were thrown against the statue and knocked unconscious. Now it was Luz that was having to hold Amity back. Another cloaked figure emerged from the crowd and pulled out an iron bladed and handled knife, approaching Belos stealthily from behind. He rammed it into Belos' back and a horrifying screech of pain emerged from Belos and then…Belos wasn't Belos anymore.
Amity blinked. And then she did it again. Standing before them was not Belos. It wasn't even a man. It was an impossibly beautiful woman in a black dress. Exactly what the woman looked like, Amity could not describe, only that she was beautiful in every sense.
"Zoe," Luz whispered. Did she know this woman?
"Enough of this," Zoe hissed, her voice rusty and gravelly. Shrieking in sheer, unrelenting agony the entire time, she tore the knife out of her back and then dropped it on the ground. Her hand looked horribly burned and blackened, and so did the part of her back where she had been stabbed. "I will not tolerate this insolence any longer."
Zoe strode over to the alleyway where Amity and Luz were hiding, and Amity let out a squeak of fright. Whoever she was, this Zoe woman meant business. She'd been impersonating Belos for goodness knows how long, perhaps even for the entirety of his reign. She'd survived a gunshot wound to the head and several to the chest, and Amity had no chance at defeating her.
"You think you can just circumvent the terms of our deal by killing me?!" Zoe screamed at Luz. What? What deal? What was Zoe even talking about?
Luz shook her head, looking frightened. "I didn't know they'd do this! I didn't know!"
Zoe let out a shrill laugh. "You didn't, did you?" She gave Luz a horrifying smile, more of a grimace than anything. "How are you enjoying these Isles, lucecita?"
Luz glared fearsomely at her. "Don't call me that!"
"I will call you whatever I please, luzezika de mi alma," Zoe retorted, singing the Spanish words. Or were they Spanish? She didn't seem to be pronouncing them in the usual fashion. She certainly wasn't pronouncing lucecita the way she had a sentence ago. "Isn't it lovely to have your father back with you again? I think you should thank me, Luz."
Luz's face twitched repeatedly. "Thank you," she said, her teeth gritted. Amity could tell that she wasn't saying it of her own free will.
"You're quite welcome," Zoe said smugly.
"Who are you?" Amity demanded. "How do you and Luz know each other?!"
Zoe waved a hand and Amity couldn't speak. "Be silent when your betters are talking, Blight," she said coldly.
"This is cheating," Luz said, pointing her finger at Zoe's face. "You're disrupting everything."
Zoe threw back her head and laughed. "Oh, my poor deluded child, there's no cheating in a deal. Only the terms agreed to and nothing else. But worry not. The rebellion's foolish decision to try to assassinate me necessitates me wiping the slate clean anyway. You will not remember what transpired since you arrived in this square. More's the pity."
Luz just looked tired and bewildered. "Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to you?"
Zoe grabbed Luz by the throat. "It is not what you have done, it is what you will do! You disrupted everything with your ridiculous, foolhardy decision to come to the Isles!" Wait, come to the Isles? Luz was born there! "I see all the realities, all the possibilities. In nine realities out of ten, your decision to come here presaged Havik's exposure of the Isles, and the cataclysm that his efforts brought forth. The cataclysm never would have happened if you hadn't brought the portal to his attention!"
"I…I don't know what you're talking about," Luz stammered. It was true, Amity realized. She really didn't know. "Look, I've learned my lesson. I know how selfish I am. I know that there's no such thing as a true love. I've been in pain every day since I've been here. Please send me back. Please wake her up."
Zoe was silent for a few seconds. "No."
"Why?!" Luz shouted.
"Because you haven't suffered enough!" Zoe screamed back at her, then released Luz. "I will see you broken! Not physically, but emotionally! I want you to know that your beloved Amity will never wake again!" Well, clearly they weren't talking about Amity, because she was very much awake, so who was Zoe talking about? "You will lose this bet, because your true nature is that of a pathetic, spineless coward!"
Luz sighed. "Yeah. You're right. I'm a coward. But I won't lose. I won't let that happen."
Zoe snarled at her. "We will see." She morphed back into her Belos disguise, and then started chanting under her breath and Amity's brain started feeling foggy. She could feel the memories slipping away, no matter how much she tried to hold onto them.
Amity found that she could speak again, so she said to Luz, "Luz, what the hell is happening right now?"
Luz shrugged. "Does it matter? In a few moments, we won't remember it." Amity looked across the square to see that Edmond had regained consciousness and was frantically muttering something under his breath.
"Please," Amity begged. Zoe stopped chanting and then a second later, Belos disappeared in a cloud of grey smoke.
Luz opened her mouth to speak and then she looked confused. "Was I saying something?"
Amity thought that Luz was about to say something, but for the life of her, she couldn't remember what it was. It was extraordinarily important, she knew, but she couldn't remember, even though she knew she should, that she had to. Something had happened, clearly. Green blood was splattered throughout the square. And Eda, of all people, was unconscious on the ground. But each time she tried to access the memories, she got a splitting headache which just kept on getting worse each time she tried.
"Um, Luz, please don't mistake this for me leading you on, but I'm really not feeling good right now," Amity said quietly. "I need to go home and lie down. I've got, like, the mother of all headaches."
"Yeah," Luz said, sounding dazed. "Yeah, I know what you mean."
Edmond strode over to them. "Hey, are you missing your memories of the last hour or so too? I mean, I don't even know what I'm doing here."
Luz and Amity nodded. "Okay, well, I'm going to take the two of you back home." He led them away from the square, humming that damn Morisette song about irony under his breath the whole walk back to the Owl House.
Well, that date had sucked. Still, one could only go upwards, right?