Overview: Right after his latest victory over Sephiroth, as he watches the final Remnants joining the Lifestream once more, Cloud is taken down in a desperate strike. As he feels his own conscious merging with the Lifestream, an unlikely ally arrives in a…colorful manner. With one more chance to make things right, at a cost of being at the whims and mercy of his savior's…disturbing family, what choice does he really have?

Chapter 1 - Never call a girl fat or short. Unless it's true.

Disclaimer: SquareEnix owns the entire Final Fantasy franchise, including the characters portrayed in this story from Final Fantasy VII. Third Fang owns his characters, the Oogakari family/clan. I am just trying to enjoy playing in their respective sandboxes.

Author's note: This story is my take on a time travel FF7 fix-it fic, using Third Fang's Oogakari characters (with permission), mainly taken from his story "Yet again, with a little extra help" and "Take Two Round Two". Please check them out!

And now, we begin

-Break-

Cloud was exhausted, but standing, as he caught the central blade of his Fusion Sword, the remaining blades striking the earth around him.

"Stay where you belong. In my memories…" he breathed out, watching as Sephiroth began to diffuse back into the Lifestream.

"…I will never be a memory…" the final message of the Nightmare was a whisper that sent a chill down his spine but vanished as Kadaj fell to the ground. Cloud looked at the dying Remnant with pity, knowing that even after all the chaos and destruction the boy caused, it wasn't completely his fault. He reached out to the poor boy, intent on giving him at least a moment's kindness before the end.

And got shot in the back as a result. He hadn't heard them coming. Loz and Yazoo, crying for the loss of their 'mother', and seeing their 'brother' dying in front of their eyes, had decided that the entire 'family' would be joined together in the end.

Cloud stumbled and fell to his knees, trying to stay up by leaning on his sword. Looking back at the two crying Remnants behind him, his eyes widened as he saw they were overcharging all the materia they'd taken from him. Unable to move, the resulting explosion from the amassed energy ripped through the entire area, catching each of them instantly. Cloud's world went completely white.

-Break-

He slowly became aware. No idea where he was or how long he'd been there, Cloud tried to open his eyes. Finally succeeding, all he saw was white nothingness. He didn't remember anything like this the last time he joined the Lifestream…

While he was looking around for anything to give him an indication of where he was, a slight tear in the fabric of reality opened up not too far behind him. He didn't become aware of it until someone fell through it and crashed to the ground. Cloud almost jumped out of his skin as he spun around to see what happened.

"Goddamn crazy fat midget! Just cause you don't like to hear the fuggin' truth about your eating habits causing you to gain a few pounds, doesn't mean the rest of us won't continue to call you out on it. Or that you need to repeatedly maim us with your overgrown nails of death and pain!" Cloud watched in awed silence as he watched the man that was screaming nonsense toss some strange object through the…tear in space?…before plugging his ears with his fingers and a loud explosion was heard coming through before the tear closed up. Maybe the Lifestream was already turning his brain to mush. No other explanation made sense.

"I swear you useless Oompa Loompa reject, if Scab charges me to repair my glasses again, I'm gonna make sure it comes outta your ass. And that your candy budget gets cut in half for a year. Why am I still shaking? I'm pretty sure she's done more damage than this recently and I was able to walk it…hello, what have we here?" The deranged stranger seemed to finally realize there was somebody standing near him. "Is that the Chocobo Warrior? I wonder what happened to bring him here…." He started mumbling as he looked around, and finally seemed to notice the total lack of anything surrounding them.

Cloud was still too surprised by the man's sudden appearance, and contemplating if any of this was real, that it took a moment for the words to sink in. "Wait, did he just call me a Chocobo Warrior?"

The stranger must have heard them, as he looked up from his musings, giving him his first good look at the man.

He was fairly tall at 5'11", with long dark brown hair that was pulled into a low ponytail and reached down to his waist. A couple of long, somewhat spikey, bangs framed his fairly pale face with high cheekbones and a tight jawline. He wore a pair of expensive-looking sunglasses that hid his eyes completely, as well as tan-colored cargo pants, a white t-shirt with some strange design on it, a short-sleeved hooded jacket that went down to just above his ankles, and sported some type of silver flame look along the bottom edge, some tan steel-toed boots, and black fingerless gloves.

He wordlessly reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a fancy-looking PHS device. Scrolling through it quickly, he put it up to his ear.

"Hey Scab, is everyone still alive after her dramatic tantrum? No, it was not my fault I told her she needed a diet. You were the one who told me she needed to cut back on the sweets. Yes, I know you told me that in confidence, but she was eating my ramen! Yes I know we have plenty of ramen in the pantry, but that's not the point. She. Ate. My. Ramen!… Yes, I did have a reason to call you." Cloud was lost. This Mako-induced hallucination was worse than the last one.

"So she managed to send me through the barriers again with her bitchslap of pain, mark V, and I managed to find something new. Only problem is it's looking to be another Blond Whisker'd Ninja situation. Stupid blond MCs that can't seem to follow the plot and end up dying early. So I'm sending invites to the family before I press reset on this one. I think you, in particular, will enjoy the potential this one has. Decent tech, actual computer systems that you'll be able to completely abuse from the get-go, no building things from scratch this time. And have I mentioned the shiny glowing orbs of goodness you've always wanted to play with? Yes, I will accept a flat 10% off my existing debt as a finders fee, as long as you throw in not making me a lab rat while we're here, and two years when we leave. Six months? Fine, standard three weeks it is. Stingy tightwad."

Cloud was getting more confused, as well as a little frustrated at being talked about and ignored.

"I don't have time for your bullshit right now, Chocobo Warrior is getting antsy, so if you want to make this happen get the crazy one, old man, the fatso and her lizard, and trace my call pronto, or I make no promises about not dragging you to the nearest Comic-Con and dropping you in the middle of the room wearing that Full-Metal Alchemist costume you have hidden in your closet. After having Crypt use that new seal I asked him to develop to keep all your powers locked inside for 72 hours." He paused for a moment longer as he listened to this 'Scab' person on the other end of the call. With a grin spreading across his face, more terrifying than the Nightmare ever was, he began to laugh hysterically. "Crypt already put the seal on you, didn't he? Oh, how glorious! Just get your portal machine up and running pronto, I'll hold things together long enough on this end. It'll hurt like a bitch though, freezing things for too long before pressing reset hurts so much more than just resetting alone does. C'ya bye!"

Cloud didn't know what to think. His life was literally over, and here he was watching a crazy man talking to someone about inviting his friends over to enjoy the show? What kind of sick mind does that?

"The kind that takes perverse pleasure in the suffering of others for their own amusement of course!" Cloud looked sharply over at the man. How had he… "No, I'm not reading your mind. It's a very common question that was very obvious on your face. Now hold on a tick while I stretch out a bit and let us hang around long enough to explain what's about to happen to you poor sod." He started giggling loudly as he walked past the blond, stopping about 20 feet away. The giggling stopped though when a pair of falchions dropped into his hands, seemingly out of nowhere, with black flames extending along the whole length of the blades that seemed to burn with dark flames. Before Cloud could react, he'd thrown the falchions out into the ground, before another pair were dropped into his hands and the process repeated. And another. And another. Soon dozens of blades surrounded them in a loose circle that centered on a man who was…dancing around like an idiot in a crazy, yet well performed, manner. After spinning on his head, with his legs thrashing around as though he was having a seizure, he straightened up again.

"That ought to hold things in place long enough for the rest of the lazy asses to get here. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to cry myself to sleep for a little bit as I contemplate the amounts of pain I go through for my family's entertainment. If you hear any giggling I'm most likely thinking about what we'll be doing to you and your friends before long. Excuse me." The next thing they knew he had a giant snot bubble coming out of his nose and he breathed in and out, tears trailing down his face as he stood there.

Cloud decided he could either freak out about his situation for a while or accept that he was already dead. Seeing how neither option would change anything, he crouched down before falling back on his ass, only to hug his left knee while he waited for…he didn't know. It was official, he was dead and his mind had paused as he joined the Lifestream. He ignored the weird giggling he heard coming from the insane one.

They waited for about five minutes before the scene around them changed again. Cloud, not the stranger, he was asleep, looked up to see a door spin into existence from nothing. It was a strange door that looked to be made from light wood and…paper? Like the sliding doors in the older buildings in Wutai, he realized. Before he could question it, the door slid open, and four unique individuals came out.

The first one to step out was a man of average height, maybe 5'8", with short brown hair that shifted to green at the tips and bright green eyes. He was dressed similarly to the crazy intruder. Long black coat, though he had a higher collar that seemed to cover the bottom of his face a bit and looked more like a lab coat than anything else. The flames covering the bottom edge were also green in color. His expression as he stepped out was fixed on boredom.

Right behind him was a girl that appeared to be roughly the same height, maybe slightly taller, with smooth dark brown hair down to her waist and bright emerald eyes. She also had a long black trench coat, though hers was open and devoid of any flames along the bottom hemline, while the sleeves were so long as to extend well past her fingertips. Under the coat, she wore a faded pink spaghetti strap shirt with tan cargo shorts. She also wore a pair of brown boots with white socks that came up to just over her kneecaps. As she landed on the ground, she had a bright smile on her face as she gleefully looked around in excitement and anticipation.

The next man that come out was a giant. Easily over 6'5", though it was difficult to tell exactly as he walked while slumped over. His black-streaked white hair and manly beard both came down to his massive chest. His black coat fit him more like a priest's robes than anything else, which hid most of his tan-colored slacks and brown boots. The stone grey-blue flames along his bottom hemline matched his piercing eyes. On his back rested an enormous half-teardrop-shaped sword and an even taller wooden walking stick. As an indication of his apparent advanced age, he looked like he was one step away from falling asleep. He held what looked to be a…leash in his hand?

Cloud followed the leash to see it led to a collar around the last member of the group to step through the door. He had extremely messy black shoulder-length hair, and blood red eyes that almost shined as bright as Vincent's had. His black trench coat looked to be more of a straight jacket than anything else. Nothing else was apparent about him, aside from the fact that he was muttering about even more random things than the first crazy man he'd met, and he was being dragged along behind everyone else. Even as he fell through the door and onto the ground, the mutterings continued without comment from the old man.

What the hell has he gotten himself involved with?

-Break-

The strange newcomers had been looking around for the past 15 minutes or so, each one reacting differently from each other, but it was obvious they were all waiting for something to happen. When that something they were waiting for hadn't happened yet, the shortest one with the green-tipped hair extended one of his arms towards Cloud's first guest, and a length of metal was suddenly grasped in that hand. Moments later a loud crack-crack BOOM! sounded as electricity suddenly struck the still sleeping man, sending him careening into the ground behind him. A short while later the man was seen crawling out of the crater he'd made, somehow still sparking as he cursed his trigger-happy family under his breath. Looking back at the bored look on the shorter man's face, he just limped back to the center of his circle of blades.

"Did you have to start at 25% power Scabs? You're usually happier to experience a new world with plenty of research potential." The twitching man whined as he burped out black smoke.

"It's because of the potential for research you found that I'm impatient to begin. You know better than to keep me waiting like that Ghost." Ah, he finally had a name, Clout thought. His attention was brought to the old man as he dragged their, he assumed crazy, last member with him. Even for a country bumpkin like him, he recognized what a straight jacket was, and it wasn't something most people wore as a fashion statement. Though he wouldn't be surprised to be incorrect when he considered what he'd seen so far though.

Ghost just shrugged before flopping down onto the ground. "True. Meh, whatever. Let's get the introductions over with so we can get started then." He turned to where the Cloud was watching everything in shock. "C'mon over here Chocobo head! We have some things to talk about before we can get going. No need to be shy. Well, lots of reasons to be shy, but ignore them and have a seat so I can go through the introductions." He groaned as Cloud didn't move. "Look man, just come over here before Scabbard decides to allow Shadow or Crypt to start playing games early. Trust me, you don't want that to happen. The last time it did, everyone was arrested for multiple charges of indecent exposure, public indecency, several instances of sexual harassment via groping, and it cost Scab here a mint to pay all the fines and court fees. Not to mention we lost all our good pink tutus and spandex leotards. I had to spend months in therapy before I could look at Waltz again without crying. And that was just the last time they were let loose on family." Cloud looked at the now named "Scabbard" warily, and then slowly approached.

"Right, introductions. I'm Ghost. Professional pervert, dancer, musician, chef, masseuse, and badass. This impatient, trigger-happy little bundle of fun is my brother Scabbard, a professional researcher, businessman, engineer, and blacksmith. He likes to think he's in charge." Crack-crack BOOM! It took a minute for Ghost to stop coughing enough to continue. "Behind us is our wonderful midget Shadow. She likes all things cuddly and sweet. And cuddly sweet. And sweet. Word of advice, never get between her and her sweets. Next is old man Waltz. When he's not falling asleep he takes on the role of babysitter, lazy old man, and healer. Finally, we have Crypt. He's…Crypt." Ghost ended lamely.

"The floor is crying. My nemesis has been vanquished! Oh no! His brother ground is out for revenge!" WHAM. Crypt was silenced as Waltz's fist forced his face into a fresh crater, blood seeping out in alarming quantities.

"And we are the Oogakari Clan!" Ghost continued as if Crypt didn't exist. Turning to his family he just waved at Cloud's group. "Fam! It's Chocobo Warrior! And he's going to lead us on so many wonderful adventures!" Crack-crack BOOM! He was launched off into a new crater again.

"While Ghost is reconsidering his current life decisions, let me break down what your options are currently." Scabbard addressed the blond man tonelessly. "Option one is you decide we're too crazy to associate with, a common choice all things considered, and Ghost here removes the field isolating this area in a time freeze, and you join the rest of this planet as part of the Lifestream, allowing for catastrophes to occur that will end the planet and everyone on it." He waited for Cloud to acknowledge what he just said before continuing. "Option two is much more complex, but can be simplified to what we term a global reset." Scabbard paused again. "What that means is by taking a single focus, we undo everything that happened all the way back to a certain point in time. While it may seem like a concept of time travel, that definition doesn't quite fit the way we do it but it's an understandable mental crutch for most people. Before we came here we'd already made some decisions about the point in time, but the choice is ultimately up to you." Even as he dropped bombshell after bombshell, the man never changed his tone of voice once.

Cloud knew he was lost and confused, but considering he was most likely dead or dying right now anyway, figured he really didn't have anything to lose by accepting. Nodding his head, he said, "If you can help me save everyone I care about, I'll do it."

"Alright then, since you've decided to accept our help there are a few ground rules. We'll keep it short and simple for now, but we will be expecting you to follow them at all times. This is more for your sake than ours, really. As long as we get to enjoy ourselves here we can look at this as a vacation." Scabbard's voice started to show some emotion here. Rather than a dull monotone, there was a more serious overtone here. "The most important rule is unless we say otherwise, you tell no one that you've come back from the future. Aside from it being unbelievable to most people, the majority of people you'll be associating will all put you, and by extension us, under a very large microscope." He paused and all of a sudden as Cloud felt such an intense pressure slamming into him. It was beyond anything he'd ever felt from anyone. The Nightmare, let alone any of the Weapons, never had such a fear-inducing presence. It was all he could do to not crash to the ground.

Just like it started, the feeling stopped.

"You don't want us to be under a microscope, understood?" It was very clear that he had no real choice but to agree, and couldn't do it fast enough.

"Scab! We're not supposed to scare them shitless until AFTER we get them settled in. Gotta build up the anticipation and excitement first." Cried out the girl. Shadow, Cloud remembered. Seeing the bright smile still on her face was a little unsettling, but he wasn't going to voice it. "Anyway, I think we should get started. Best to explain everything to him when we get back. We called dibs on who was going to tor…train first before we came here so let's do this!" The old man, Waltz he thought, just nodded along, still appearing like he was about to fall asleep where he stood. The last member still had his head shoved in the ground.

"What do you mean training?" Cloud started to ask before he was cut off when something caused him to seize up and become immobile. Looking down, he saw symbols had appeared on the ground somehow and had begun to glow brightly. Not understanding what was going on he tensed up.

"Don't you fret Mr. Chocobo Head, Crypt was just laying down a sealing array to allow us to piggyback onto the reset. Usually, we'd only have one person going back with the focus and then call the others once we arrive. But since everyone here wanted to be involved from the start anyway, we had to modify it a little bit." Ghost had popped up in front of him from out of nowhere with a grin on his face. Before Cloud could say anything though, Ghost started to change. And if the pressure he'd felt earlier from Scabbard was terrifying, it had nothing on what happened next.

Bleached white bone wings sprang from Ghost's back. Majestic in their own way, there wasn't a feather or speck of flesh anywhere on them. Just the white bone wings of what could have been an enormous falcon. After they'd stretched out completely, black flames burst into existence up and down the wings' 'fingers' as if mimicking the feathers that weren't there.

Black chains shot out from under his shirt. Hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands of links coiled around the group, following in a pattern initially formed by the blades he'd thrown into the ground earlier. Each chain link appeared to be made from flames as black as the void itself.

The final change occurred as Cloud heard Ghost grunting in pain. Turning back at the sound, he watched as black shards appeared from nowhere and began attaching themselves to his face. He watched in fascinated horror as the pieces came together to form a black mask around his glasses that made his face appear to be made of broken black glass. With the pressure continuing to increase, Cloud could only imagine that he was in the presence of some sort of Deity, before everything seemed to shift, the last sword in the ground caught on fire, and with a mighty groan from the Lifestream itself, Cloud felt everything explode before his world went dark.

-Break-

AN: Well, chapter one is complete. For readers familiar with Third Fang's work, I decided to introduce all his characters early on to allow them to focus on different things while Ghost remains the focus with Cloud. For those readers who have no idea who they are, go read the stories mentioned in the AN at the top.

Please leave a comment or review if you see any glaring spelling or grammatical errors. Also if along the way I completely get a fact from FF7 wrong without coming up with a reason to plug up any plot holes.

Thanks for reading!

Phail