A Multiversity of Bungholes
Inside The Steel
"For the last time, no tickets, no entry!" the security guard told Beavis and Butt-head, crossing his arms.
"Uh sir, I don't know if you know this," Butt-head told him. "But Beavis and I are old friends of Melody."
"Yeah, we, like, taught her all she knows," Beavis added.
The duo was at the door wanting to be let in. Unfortunately for them, the security wasn't about to let them anytime soon.
"Either show me the tickets or stop holding up the line," the security told them again.
"Uh… Melody told us we could get in for free," Butt-head said to him.
"Alright that's it," the security shook his head.
A bouncer came out and grabbed hold of Beavis and Butt-head.
"Hey, let go butthole!" Beavis protested.
Shaking his head, the bouncer pushed Beavis and Butt-head away from the line, letting them know in no uncertain terms that they weren't allowed inside.
"Damn it," Beavis muttered.
"Uh… there's probably some other way we can meet Melody," Butt-head looked around.
To the side of the building where the MMA event was being held, Butt-head saw a door. From that door emerged a janitor to take a smoke break.
"Man, I could use a smoke right now," the janitor walked to the side without closing the door, turning his back to Beavis and Butt-head.
"Uh, follow me Beavis," Butt-head told his friend.
Beavis and Butt-head walked towards the open door and entered the building before the janitor could turn his head back and notice the two.
"Uh huh huh huh, let's go see Melody!"
"Yeah, heh heh heh boi-oi-oi-oi-oing!"
oooo
"Oh my… where could those two be?" Van Driessen walked around the streets of NYC desperately, hoping to find his two students.
The two couldn't be found in their rooms and the only other explanation was that they were out and about somewhere.
"Greetings puny Earthling!"
Van Driessen turned around to see Smart Butt-head there along with Smart Beavis.
"Oh, I'm glad I found you!" Van Driessen exclaimed. "Do you know where Beavis and Butt-head are?"
"It is fortuitous for you," Smart Beavis told him. "Because Beavis and Butt-head of this Earth are inside the building to see Melody."
"Oh, well at least I know now," Van Driessen breathed a sigh of relief. "Say, is there any way you can help me inside?"
"Take this," Smart Butt-head handed Van Driessen a ticket that they'd made on their spaceship. "This will allow you entry. Once you are with Beavis and Butt-head again, we will explain your entire mission."
"Thanks," Van Driessen walked off with the ticket.
oooo
"So, like, where's Melody, Butt-head?" asked Beavis.
The two were walking down the hall of the arena somewhere in the backstage area.
"Uh, I think she's, like, playing hard to get or something?"
Soon, however, they got their answer. A door down the hall opened up, revealing Melody and her entourage of friends and fellow fighters.
"Whoa, it's Melody!" Beavis exclaimed.
"Hey you," one of Melody's friends called out. "Where are your backstage tickets?"
"Uh… we, like, didn't need it or something," Butt-head replied.
"Wait, that's not how this works," Melody stepped forth.
She was a good looking woman with brunette hair tied into a ponytail, wearing kickboxing shorts and a tank top.
"Uh hey Melody!" Butt-head greeted. "Uh huh huh huh!"
"Who are you two?" demanded one of Melody's male friends. "And what the hell are you doing back here?"
"We're here to, like, see Melody!" Beavis said excitedly.
"Yeah, we're here to, like, score with her," Butt-head added.
"What is there to score?" a female friend of Melody stepped forth. "Melody already won her opening match by armbar. Didn't take longer than two minutes for her to score!"
"Whoa Beavis!" Butt-head whispered to Beavis. "I think this Melody chick can, like, go really fast or something! She can, like, score with both of us in a really short time!"
"What're you talking about?" Melody's guy friend demanded. "You're not seriously saying you want to fight Melody in the cage!"
"Uh… in the cage, in the bedroom, anywhere is good with me, huh huh huh" Butt-head laughed.
"Yeah, we can, like, even do it in the back of the alley where that janitor dude is smoking, heh heh heh!" Beavis said additionally.
"Wait a second," Melody realized. "You're not talking about fighting me in an MMA match, are you?"
As Melody walked forth, she raised a hand to the rest of her entourage to know that she wanted them to stand back. All of them obeyed and stood where they were.
"Uh… this can get as violent as you want, baby," Butt-head told her. "But just go easy on Beavis. He's a wuss, huh huh huh huh huh!"
"Yeah, I'm kinda fragile, heh heh heh."
"Boys, come with me," Melody told them.
oooo
After the hard hitting match was over, the two men who fought in the middleweight division walked out of the ring, escorted by their ring crew.
However, Melody's music began playing again, surprising the audience because her match was already over.
"Hey guys!" Melody took out a microphone. "Don't take your bathroom breaks just yet. We've still got ten minutes until the next match and I've got a special bonus round for all of you."
Melody got into the ring as Beavis and Butt-head followed her excitedly.
"We're gonna do it, Butt-head!" Beavis said excitedly. "We get to do it with Melody in a cage!"
"I thought we were gonna do it in her locker room and not in front of this audience," Butt-head got inside, followed by Beavis. "But I don't mind. Scoring is still scoring!"
"You see, these two snuck in backstage just to see me," Melody told the audience on the microphone. "Said they wanted to 'score' with me. Well, I'm gonna give them the chance to score with me, alright! Ref! Bonus round! Ring the bell!"
The referee shrugged, realizing the match wasn't on the official cards, but decided to ring the bell nonetheless.
"Yes," Butt-head's eyes widened. "We're gonna do it with Melody!"
"Cool, heh heh," Beavis smiled. "Let me just take off my pants and then—"
As Beavis tried to take his shorts off, Melody struck Butt-head across across the skull with a roundhouse kick that sent him to the ground.
"Um, wait a minute," Beavis frowned. "Aren't we supposed to kiss first and then—"
Melody struck Beavis with multiple punches across the face next.
"Agh!" screamed Beavis.
The next thing Beavis felt was a knee to his jaw, knocking him out cold.
"Uh, huh huh huh!" Butt-head got up, laughing despite his pain. "You kicked his ass!"
Realizing Butt-head was still conscious, Melody turned towards Butt-head with a savage expression. At that moment, Butt-head realized he was screwed.
"Uh… this isn't good."
At once, Melody pounced on him, tackling him to the floor. Butt-head tried to struggle but Melody placed him in a rear-naked choke, strangling the air out of Butt-head until he passed out. When that happened, Melody finally let go.
"Losers," Melody got up.
Melody raised her hands to the audience who cheered her for the bonus round she had just given them.
"This is what I'm talking about!" Melody cried, soaking in the adulation.
oooo
"And stay out!"
The security guard tossed the beaten up Beavis and Butt-head into the alley before shutting and locking the door.
"Uh… Melody really kicked our asses," Butt-head remarked.
"Yeah, I think my jaw's going to be sore for a week," Beavis admitted.
"Beavis and Butt-head!"
The duo turned around after hearing a stern voice.
"Oh, it's just you," Beavis said, disappointed.
"Don't you have something better to do, Van Driessen?" demanded Butt-head.
"Well I'm supposed to be your guardian for this trip," Van Driessen told them. "I watched what happened to you in that cage and what that woman did to you was pretty brutal. But I hope it taught you a lesson that you should give women the respect in this era that you didn't quite give them in the 90s."
"So, like, what did we come out here for again?" asked Beavis.
"I forgot already," Butt-head admitted. "Huh huh huh! But Van Driessen better take us to some place where we can score or this whole trip is a waste!"
"Guys, focus," Van Driessen told them. "We came out here for a reason."
"Yes indeed," Smart Beavis appeared in front of them.
"Oh great," Beavis frowned. "These fartknockers again…"
"Now that you are together, we will inform you of the purpose of this journey," Smart Butt-head told the group.
"My students and I are willing to do whatever it takes to save the multiverse," Van Driessen told them.
"Excellent," Smart Butt-head nodded. "Under normal circumstances, I would not trust your puny minds to comprehend the mission… but this is a matter of utmost urgency."
"Just get to the point already, dumbass!" Butt-head groaned. "Whatever you buttmunches want us to do, we're already not gonna do it!"
"Yeah, serves you right for taking Serena from us!" Beavis added.
"What we are about to tell you transcends petty personal disputes," Smart Beavis told them.
"Indeed," Smart Butt-head went on. "From our universe, a ruthless super-criminal by the name of Nebulus Algol has escaped. He has plundered our world and has plundered multiple worlds across the multiverse as well."
"Algol… the Demon Star, named after a stellar system," Van Driessen noted. "That sounds like a very formidable name indeed."
"He has claimed many victims on our world," Smart Beavis added. "Smart Clark Cobb… Smart Dean… Smart Gus Baker… and Smart Mr. Herrera have all perished at his hands."
"Some of the greatest minds of our world have been killed by this marauder," Smart Butt-head nodded. "He is coming here next. And we will require your assistance."
Van Driessen thought back to every superhero movie he had seen in the past two decades, some of which Beavis and Butt-head hadn't even caught up on yet. And what these two alien-like incarnations of Beavis and Butt-head were offering sounded like an offer he couldn't refuse.
"Tell us what we need to do," the teacher told the Smart duo as the regular duo glared at him in disgust.
"Excellent, we have devised a plan and based on the quantum fluctuations of this world, we believe he will be in one of this city's rooftop restaurants tomorrow night," Smart Butt-head continued. "You must be there in order to stop him."
"So how do we stop him exactly?" asked Van Driessen.
"We have a weapon which will neutralize him," Smart Beavis told him. "We wish to entrust you with this for safekeeping, David Van Driessen."
"Whoa, these dudes have a weapon we can use?" Butt-head's eyes widened.
"Yeah, let us see!" Beavis insisted. "I wanna shoot something! Heh heh heh heh heh!"
At that moment, Smart Beavis decided not to take out their weapon, based on how excited their regular counterparts were being. And an excited Beavis and Butt-head usually meant something was going to go wrong in the worst possible way, especially for such a carefully constructed plan like theirs.
"On second thought," Smart Beavis told them, handing Van Driessen a map instead. "Just show up there tonight and we will give further instructions from there."
oooo
The following night, Van Driessen showed up to the restaurant on the rooftop as instructed by Smart Beavis and Butt-head, being accompanied by the regular duo.
However, it appeared that the restaurant was already booked and they were not able to gain entry.
"What do you mean it's closed for a private party?" asked Van Driessen.
"The entire restaurant is booked," the staff member told them. "There will only be two people allowed in here tonight."
"But we were told to come here," Van Driessen looked down at his instructions.
"I'm afraid this place is closed to regular customers," the staff member repeated. "I'm sorry but you'll have to go elsewhere."
Van Driessen looked around, hoping Smart Beavis and Butt-head would show up to further help him out. However, all he saw were regular Beavis and Butt-head looking bored and picking their noses.
Soon, however, he saw someone arriving at the elevator behind them.
"Oh, that must be them," Van Driessen perked up.
However, rather than Smart Beavis and Butt-head showing up, the elevator opened up to reveal a couple, both a man and a woman. The woman wore glasses, a green sweater, and black pants. She looked to be in her late 30s or possibly pushing 40. She stared at Van Driessen and the duo like she recalled them from somewhere.
As for the man, Van Driessen had a harder time telling his age but he looked to be in his physical prime, with chiseled features, long platinum-blonde hair flowing down his back, and a gray business suit that was common among upper class New Yorkers.
"Well Van Driessen," Butt-head said to his teacher. "Are you ready to stop wasting our time? Now take me and Beavis to a strip club, you damn hippie!"
At once, the woman next to the man opened her eyes in recognition.
"Could it be?" she gasped. "Is it really you after all these years?"
"Uh… maybe it is," Butt-head told her. "Who's asking?"
"You looking to score with us like Serena never did?" Beavis chimed in.
"Oh wow," the woman took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. "It really IS you! And you haven't aged in all these years!"
"Wait, I think I recognize you," Van Driessen finally looked at her more carefully. "I believe you were one of my former students…"
"Mr. Van Driessen, did you happen to discover the fountain of youth with Beavis and Butt-head?" asked the woman.
"Who is this chick again?" Beavis asked Butt-head, who simply shrugged.
"It's me, Daria," the woman told them. "Remember me?"
"Uh… oh yeah," Butt-head finally realized.
"Heh heh heh… Diarrhea!"
Before the two could erupt into a "Diarrhea" chant, Van Driessen put a hand on their shoulders to cut them off.
"Guys, please be respectful to your former classmate," Van Driessen reminded them. "Let's not make her lose her appetite tonight."
Beavis and Butt-head were so disgusted by Van Driessen touching their shoulders that they forgot to do their typical chant.
"Ed," Daria told the man she was with. "This is my old high school teacher, Mr. Van Driessen. And these two are my former classmates, Beavis and Butt-head. And before you ask, yes… that is their real names."
"Nice to meet you," Daria's dinner date told them. "I'm Edward Blackwell. This is the third time Daria and I have been on a date. I can tell this is going to be interesting since Daria looked like she saw a ghost the minute she laid eyes on you three."
"A descriptive but accurate comparison," Daria conceded, realizing her reaction to seeing them did make her go pale briefly.
"Daria, since you knew these people before, what do you say we invite them over for tonight so you can catch up," Ed Blackwell suggested. "There seems to be a lot you want to catch up on."
"Well," Daria decided. "Normally having dinner with Beavis and Butt-head wouldn't be on my bucket list but there is the matter of HOW they still look like they're teenagers even after 24 years have gone by since 1998. I say why not?"
"Then it's settled," Ed smiled, ushering the group to join them in the privately booked restaurant on the rooftop. "Come on, guys."
"Well, Daria looks older," Beavis said to Butt-head.
"I'm good if she wants to do it," Butt-head replied as the two followed the group into the dining area. "I'll settle for anything at this point, huh huh huh!"
To be continued.