Konoha's Waking Nightmare

by JollyHippopotamus

Reborn into the Naruto world with the third war looming ahead. What's a civilian born girl to do? Become an S-rank Genjutsu mistress of course! Now if only she can survive her own family, her sensei, and Orochimaru is in the village too isn't he? who needs enemies with these allies? OC/SI, AU world.

9. Hard choices

Here's chapter 9: Hard choices.

Here's the chapter for this weekend of Waking Nightmare so next weekend will be an update for Divine and Conquer.

Some trauma is finally out in the open in this chapter so time to move on right?

Of course this is Konoha - so there's always something else around the corner.

Story warnings still apply even if nothing in this chapter is any worse then what's already been described.

As usual I do not own, make money off, or in any way have a right to the characters of Naruto or its world. I'm just a lowly fanfiction writer.

Hope you enjoy it!

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I slowly open the front door to shishou's house, having waited until well after dark - in the vain hope that I could avoid a discussion. Hopefully she didn't know about the lesson I had earlier today. I really didn't want to explain why exactly I've been hiding away all day.

Although to be frank, I was getting really sick and tired of having reasons to avoid talking already.

Of course, instead of darkness and a quiet still house, I arrive at a brightly lit house, and Kushina-shishou sitting on a chair in the entry hallway, face pinched and stressed, just staring at me as my attempt to sneak in fails spectacularly. Worse, ghost-Dan is hovering next to her, looking worried.

This… This is exactly what I wanted to avoid.

"Sorry shishou, I had a lot on my mind and didn't pay attention to the time." I say, with a weak drained smile, hardly a passable excuse. But I was running out of the will to keep the charade going.

"Inohana-chan…" Kushina-shishou says quietly, a slight wobble to her voice. Her violet eyes are emotional - but still firm, as she stares at me, "We need to talk."

I wince, my hand still resting on the doorknob, wondering whether it was worth escaping. With a tired sigh, I push the door closed - the finality hitting me at the same time as the sound of the door closing does. It's time. I'm not a five year old girl, I need to act my age for once… No more running away. "I really don't want to." I admit quietly, looking down at my feet. Admitting everything… It's proving I've failed to deal with it myself. That even after fifty years combined. I still can't clean up my own messes.

That I'm incapable to kill my heart, and incapable to be soft instead - stuck in the middle like some useless girl.

"Inohana-chan, I think you need to…" Dan says softly, looking conflicted. "I'll give you two some privacy." He promises, before giving Kushina-shishou a lingering worried look, and then flying through the roof. I still find it incredibly creepy that he's probably been sitting around staring at Kushina-shishou fretting.

I'm never going to get used to this ghost thing.

Personally, I'd be willing to bet that a ghostly ear will be sticking out through a wall or ceiling - in an undetected area during this discussion. I hardly trust the Jounin to really keep to himself when such an obviously important conversation is about to happen. I am the only one able to see him, of course he'll spy on everything that mattered to my wellbeing. I certainly would if I was in his place. It is still irritating.

It doesn't matter, I suppose. Who knows what, it wouldn't matter anymore - not after Kushina-shishou finds out what kind of monster I really am… No matter how hard I've tried to justify that I need to be one, I can't even stomach myself, so how can shishou…

"I know you don't want to talk… I can't let you do that anymore, Ino-chan." Kushina-shishou says quietly, "I'm… so, so worried about you." She continues, almost brokenly, with a hitch to her voice.

I look up, wilting as I see the silent tears running down Kushina-shishou's face, how she's holding onto the edges of the chair so hard they're creaking. She's barely holding on. I've made this woman care for me, with all my bullshit and baggage and my broken useless mind. And now she's paying the price. Because of me.

I can feel my own lips trembling. I'm 50, I need to grow up! I need to handle my own shit! I need to stop being such a damn crybaby! I watch the devastation on the face of the only person in this world that truly actually loves me. And I fall apart, falling forward into her, my own tears falling, "Shishou! I..I…" I can't even say what she means to me, I can't say the words. I'm such a failure. This is all my fault.

A monster and a failure. I even fail at being a proper monster!

My plan to conquer being a ninja is such a lie, self delusion on a grand scale.

"I know, sweetie." Kushina-shishou mumbles through her tears, as her arms grasp around me, holding me tight, as we both release our pent up emotions, sobbing together.

We must spend twenty minutes in that hallway, just holding each other. But eventually reality sets in, Kushina-shishou cleaning the tears off my face, kissing my forehead gently. She looks me into the eyes, hers so impossibly kind. "Let's move this to the living room, Dattebane…" She murmurs, picking me up, resting my head in the crook of her neck.

I can't help another bout of tears silently falling as she carries me along. I had lost everything in my old life, life breaking me into a thousand pieces. And now in this life, horror after horror, and then my class literally describes how I haven't seen anything yet. And still I know I can do it. I can kill, I can lie, I can torture - I am broken enough for it. But… I can't lie to Kushina-shishou. Not anymore. This is as far as I go.

Hiding things, I'll always need to hide parts of myself, some things just can't be shared, but outright lying to the only person that sees me as something other than the monster I am, I can't. Even if it means she'll finally see me as I see myself. And hate me.

I deserve whatever consequences Kushina-shishou doles out on me, reporting me to the Hokage or whatever else. I thought I could become this cold ruthless kunoichi, instead I've become a monster without the cold uncaring facade I need to survive it. How useless. And I planned to be S-rank. And I can't even handle some torture without falling apart…

Kushina-shishou gently sets me down on the couch, sitting down next to me, grasping both my hands in hers. "Inohana-chan, please just tell me what's going on, Dattebane!?" Shishou asks me, no… Begs me, in a watery voice.

I struggle with the words, twice I try to speak, but fail. Kushina-shishou gently stroking my hands in hers as she waits, sad caring eyes staring at me, making me feel somehow worse and better at the same time.

"My… Father…." I stammer out, before clenching my teeth, angry at myself, too weak! I think, forcing myself to speak up, "My uncle and his family didn't pass away in an accident…" I manage to force out, my breathing picking up, my heart beating faster as I start to reveal myself, what I've done. Avoiding Kushina's gaze, staring down at our joined hands, "My father ordered me to kill them, so I did. Even the kids. I made it look like an accident." I let it all out, grimly, never raising my head, a quick sob escaping me, "I killed kids, Shishou, kids! And it was easy!"

It was the worst part of the ordeal. How easy it had been. It's the moment when I knew. Whatever justification I made myself believe, deep down I knew for sure, it was plain murder and nothing else. Not a fight for my life, not battle or war. Just cruel, needless killing. And I had done it without protest.

No sane human does that. No one worth saving does that!

I freeze as Kushina-shishou's hands leave mine. Here it is, condemnation, the final piece to break me, Kushina's hatred.

I brace myself, knowing I deserve it, but fearing it oh so much anyway.

I feel softness on my cheeks, my eyes flying up in disbelief as Kushina-shishou's hands cup my face, her hair falling over me as she leans down and rests her face against my scalp, "Sweetie, I'm so sorry, it's not your fault, I'm so so sorry you had to go through that, all alone."

"I killed children!" I spit out, in disbelieving anger, "I'm a monster, you should hate me!"

I feel tears running down from the top of my head, falling from Kushina-shishou, who cries out, "Never, you hear me Inohana-chan! NEVER!" She grasps my face as she sinks down to my eye level, meeting my eyes fiercely, "You are not a monster, you're this good, loving, fantastic girl, an awesome ninja to be, this wasn't you, it was your father! You're five! You had no choice. And I will never hate you!"

I shake my head frantically, as well as I can with her hands on my cheeks, "No, no, no, I killed them, and I tortured the elders with him, mutilating them, and I used my Genjutsu to give clan members a nightmare vision. I'm not good, I'm not, I'm NOT!" I shout at her. Wishing she'd just go ahead and destroy me already, tell me she hates me, get it over with!

Stop loving me!

"Ino-chan, I don't care what you've done, you're five, it wasn't your choice, you were in a situation you couldn't get out of, it was his fault, not yours. I know how clans work, he's your clan head, you didn't have a choice." Kushina-shishou repeats firmly, through her own tears, her violet eyes meeting my frantic wide ones with understanding.

No! I don't deserve understanding!

I try to rip myself out of her embrace, "NO!" I scream, this isn't how it works, I've done horrible things and now I need to be punished. "I'm a monster, you punish monsters!" I sob wildly, being torn apart by this caring. "Bad girls are punished, bad girls are punished!" I sob over and over again.

Memories appear again, those that I thought I had permanently buried, I viciously shove them back down, I can't, I just can't. Fifty years, and now I find acceptance, it's too much.

I try to rip at my own face, but Kushina-shishou stops me, grabbing my hands firmly. Eyes sad as she looks at me, "Oh sweetie, you're not a bad girl, and you'll never be a monster to me, your father is wrong in everything he's ever said or done to you!" She tells me soothingly, looking just as broken as me. For me.

"I know, I KNOW he's wrong! But he's right too! Look at me! I'm a horrible person! I have killed and tortured people, children!" I wail desperately.

Kushina-shishou's face firms up, "Sweetie… So have I, so have most ninja. You're not at fault for your father forcing you into this early." She says using her thumb to wipe away some of my tears gently. "Don't you feel just a little better being able to tell me? I won't hate you, I won't give you back to him, I love you!" She finishes fiercely, daring me to refute her.

I shudder, I haven't even told her half of everything… "I…I, there's…. More…" I whisper out, feeling so drained, so dead inside, just Kushina-shishou's voice convincing me that there is life still here. That I'm worth something. She loves me. How many years has it been since someone did that? So many. Too many. Would it be my fault Kushina-shishou dies too?

"You don't have to, unless you want to, you've said enough, sweetie." Kushina-shishou kisses me gently, ruffling my hair, drawing a wet chuckle out of me. "And don't you worry, you'll never go back there, it's a promise of a lifetime, Dattebane!"

There's so much I could say, all the things I regularly block out and refuse to remember. The things that broke me, that had me fall apart today in Shishou's arms. But I can't quite get the words out. This acceptance is still throwing my brain for a spin. I had already resigned myself to losing everything, but shishou didn't even blink at me killing people. Must be a ninja thing. I feel redness creeping up my face, I've been so embarrassing. Screaming, crying and sobbing all over Kushina-shishou.

"C-Can, healing jutsu fix scars…." I manage to get out. The only thing I manage to force past a throat unwilling to release anymore of my trauma out into the world.

Kushina-shishou freezes where she holds me, I can see her eyes closing as she takes a deep steadying breath, "Depends on the situation… Why?" She asks steeling herself.

I don't want to do this… But… It's the last thing. The last thing done to me, then it's over. I've left that life behind. I won. In the end I won. And I might be a monster, even one accepted by shishou, but I beat my own monster, finally.

I hesitate still, Kushina-shishou's patient demeanor, just calmly and lovingly holding me as she waits, finally forces the words out of my mouth. "After… After the birthday party. Father gave me a choice. He had a servant girl with him, one he had been… Enjoying… Either she could be punished, or I could."

"Oh, Ino-chan…" Kushina-shishou whispers, looking heartbroken and angry, her hand petting my hair to reassure me she wasn't angry at me.

I hesitate to continue, somehow knowing that having left me behind for that party and the events that took place after, Kushina-shishou would place the blame at her own feet instead of mine and my father's. Yet, this is the last thing, I have to finish it.

I fiddle with my own hands, gaze turned downwards, "I've…Always chosen to let them be tortured. Always." I stress, not daring to look up and see the dawning realization on shishou's face. "This time I wouldn't allow him to beat me, make me even more like him… And I told him to let her go…" I almost sob out the last word. It had been so hard. To choose that, to put myself in the line of fire. Knowing what would happen. Having seen his work. Knowing what he'd do to me. And choosing it.

"The blood on the ground when I found you… The blood on your hands wasn't from you helping him, it was from you working on stitching your own wounds, wasn't it?" Kushina-shishou asks, pained, grief clear in her voice and in the now again falling tears. And I can see self recrimination, she had obviously thought I had been forced to assist in harming someone, she hadn't checked me enough for injuries, to my relief back then.

I undo my clothing, looking away as Kushina-shishou lets out a noise like a wounded animal before letting out an enraged roar - chakra flaring wildly as she sees the scarring, and where it is. How extensive it is.

I close my eyes, leaning back on the couch, not willing to look again, to see the damage. The damage my own choice brought me. To take my father's punishment, instead of continuing to assist him, hurting others just to save my own skin.

To willingly choose torture.

It's why I had avoided any intrusive physical checkup. I hadn't wanted to confirm Shishou's every fear.

I was supposed to be a kunoichi, an eventual S-rank. I made the choice. I couldn't run anymore.

And I paid the price.

My eyes dull as they watch my shishou break in front of me, I try my best to console her.

She doesn't hate me, but I wish she did. Then maybe she wouldn't be so hurt by this, maybe she wouldn't have had to suffer through knowing me. She'd have a happier life up until the Kyuubi attack if I didn't exist.

The night is long, and I never share anything else. I am determined to take it to the grave, preferably my father's… We do agree on bringing Tsunade in to help work on my scars, although I'll probably have to be knocked out for the procedure.

I don't know what ally my father has found, but he better hope it's a really good one, once Tsunade sees the damage on me, her only hope for her lover… She's not likely to be happy.

When Dan pops back in when the sun is starting to shine through the windows, and finds us both emotionally and physically exhausted on the couch still. One look at his face is all I need to tell me he listened in.

I can't even feel upset anymore. I'm too drained.

Maybe I can try to not be broken now. Maybe this is like a clean slate?

Maybe?

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The next couple days feel incredibly long and are both annoying and comforting at the same time. Kushina-shishou keeps me home from the academy, barely allowing me to get two feet away from her at any time.

It almost makes me wish that Minato was around. Almost, because I have a feeling Kushina-shishou would wrap the man around her finger - and I'd have two overprotective cuddle bunnies.

It takes me thirty minutes to argue my way into having a shower by myself - instead of with Kushina-shishou. I argue fiercely and loudly that I can't possibly get into trouble inside her house, in her bathroom, in the shower! She disagrees just as fiercely.

It is with an unimpressed glower that Shishou ends up standing guard outside the bathroom until I am done. After which she immediately scoops me up into a several hour long cuddle session the minute I open the bathroom door.

It is simultaneously a great comfort and an extreme pain in my ass - to be showered in love at every moment. To be comforted every time I have dark thoughts - often by the way… To be babied to such an extreme that I am not allowed to be away from her at all. It is especially bad at night. Shishou is a sleep hugger. And she's really fucking strong. I am somewhat amazed I don't break a rib during the nights we share a bed, part comfort - part Kushina-shishou never letting me out of her sight.

Also she drools in her sleep.

Three days in, Tsunade finally has time to come over for an unofficial check up. Both Shishou and I agree for once that the hospital will not be an ideal venue for this one.

It does not go well.

As soon as I am out of my clothes, Tsunade lets loose such a terrifying aura of chakra, followed by a pressure so heavy the floor starts cracking. Only the fact that she is in Kushina-shishou's house probably saves it from being punched into earth country.

It is bad enough an ANBU team arrives within two minutes, followed quickly by two other teams, forcing Tsunade to go outside and deflect their attention, while still throwing around so much killing intent that two rookie ANBU have to be carried away with them when the teams leave.

Not surprisingly to my chakra sense, a team of ANBU remains behind to watch the house from the outside - while Tsunade comes back in. Not willing to leave us be, not when there is something so obviously disturbing to a Sannin going on. It comes as somewhat of a surprise to myself that I can sense them just as easily as I could sense any other ninja. My mental energies being interwoven with my chakra sensing apparently boosting it further than I have previously thought. It made me feel better about my skills to a degree, as well as making me feel even worse in another way. Because the ANBU team staying behind, has the cold dead feeling of a ninja bereft of any of their own thoughts, emotions or free will.

Root.

At least I am not likely to be kidnapped with how many high profile people I have around me. Although I should have realized they'd be around the second my medical report was filed.

To further add to my displeasure, after being knocked out for the healing - which is still absolutely lovely. I find out that while most of the scarring could be healed over a couple sessions, some of the… Injuries have been so ragged - and intentionally made to scar badly that Tsunade just can't completely remove the scars. I would have had to come to her right after the injuries. I hadn't helped things with trying to sew myself up with cold shaky hands.

If she cut out all the scar tissue and healed me it is likely she could fix it - she isn't the greatest medic for nothing. Yet that would require surgery, and I am unwilling to go under another knife again so soon, even to fix it.

I am not completely vain. I've always known I'd have scars over a career as a kunoichi. I knew when I didn't seek medical help I'd have them. It still somehow hurts - knowing they will never be totally gone. I will always have the reminder, my father would never leave me, not completely.

Tsunade left, fuming and swearing to go to the Hokage and set things straight.

She didn't come back, which both Shishou and I took as whatever was going on with my clan continuing to protect them, even from a Sannin's rage.

On the eve of my return to the Academy things worsened again, as usual. Begrudgingly I am being allowed to return by Kushina-shishou, who I have to talk out of sitting with me in class. Forget war and murder and all that. I'll never live it down if Shishou joins me in class!

The embarrassment of basically having my Mo… Having Shishou watching over me in class, I refuse to allow it.

So on the relaxing evening before classes pick up again for me, of course Orochimaru would come for me. Makes sense. A couple days of relaxing and being loved on, so now the next dump of trauma is coming. I am so close to starting to parrot Neji on the whole fate line. Although I guess it wouldn't count as parroting as he isn't even born yet.

I can feel Orochimaru's predatory chakra speeding straight towards Kushina-shishou's house. It's easy enough to pick out that he's coming here as he's moving fast, and straight towards us.

And his chakra is incredibly distinctive.

I resign myself, standing up from the couch, I jostle Kushina-shishou who has been cuddling up with me. "Shishou, Orochimaru will be here in approximately two minutes." I say quietly. Giving her a small resigned smile.

Kushina-shishou stands up quickly and hugs me tightly, pressing her lips to the top of my head, "I can't stop him, he has the Hokage's approval…" She mutters angrily. She tilts my head up with a finger, meeting my gaze with a storm of emotions in her own eyes. "That said, Ino-chan… If he touches you… Harms you… You will tell me. And Sannin or not, he will die! Got it!?"

I nod, not trusting my voice. Because I know myself. And regardless of what Orochimaru does. There is no way in any universe I'll allow Kushina-shishou to go against Orochimaru. I have been absolved of my sins in a way so far, forgiven and loved still. I will protect Kushina-shishou to the end of the world for loving me. For allowing me to still have some hope for myself. I won't allow her to fight Orochimaru. She'll die. Kyuubi jinchuuriki or not, she's nowhere near ready for that kind of fight.

Kushina-shishou takes my silent nod as enough of an assent, moving toward the front door with her arms still around me, making my lips twitch slightly at the awkward shuffle movement we have to make to get there.

Too soon I feel the chakra settle down right out in front, Orochimaru does not even bother to knock, he simply opens the sealed and locked front door with a flex of his chakra. Obviously feeling us standing on the other side. Also fuck him, but that's impressive. How did he do that?

"Orochimaru-san." Kushina-shishou says, managing a somewhat neutral tone, even if her churning chakra tells it differently. Technically she should have definitely said - Sama. But I suppose this is as polite as Shishou is going to get.

Out of the corner of my eye I notice Dan hovering down, giving me a silent nod to show me he'll be following me into the jaws of the snake.

Orochimaru raises an amused eyebrow, "Kushina-san, so willing to hand over your apprentice you're eagerly waiting at the door." He licks his lips, "I'm impressed." He mocks sibilantly.

Kushina-shishou presses her lips together, looking altogether unimpressed, "One apprentice in mint condition, Dattebane." She says sharply, "If she doesn't return like that, I'll get Tsunade to rip your head off!" Her chakra spikes sharply.

"Ku ku ku, how exciting." Orochimaru almost preens at the threat, lips twisting into cruel delight. "I'll take the child now, then."

"She has a name!" Kushina-shishou growls out, her arm tightening around me, as if she's contemplating not allowing me to go.

It's ironic that I'm saved from my father just to move onto this monster.

"Probably," Orochimaru agrees genially, "I'll promise to notice if she ever becomes useful." He chuckles darkly again as Kushina-shishou's face darkens and her fingers twitch.

I decide enough is enough, I step out of Kushina-shishou's grip, "I'm ready to go." I declare, ending this conversation before Orochimaru can rile up Shishou more. I almost gag as I stand next to Orochimaru, feeling his chakra slide over my skin, almost caressing my face with its oily slimy feel - I'd feel more violated if I hadn't been through so much worse - but still it's absolutely revolting. This is going to take some getting used to. His chakra is unlikely to ever feel better. If anything it will feel worse as he becomes more and more of a traitor. I have no idea how loyal he is at the moment. The fact he could possibly be a loyal Konoha shinobi right now, and feel this disgusting and predatory with just his chakra… I hope he dies before he perfects his soul transfer technique, I don't ever want to feel his chakra doing that.

Great, I just gave myself another worry. Would my unheard of spiritual chakra alignment tempt Orochimaru to use me as a vessel at some point? My chakra pool and low Ninjutsu prospects will hopefully mean that is a big no. I just can't predict the bastard, his actions in canon regularly make no effing sense.

"She has the Academy in the morning… Bring her back before midnight." Kushina-shishou orders/asks. Not bothering to wait for an answer from Orochimaru, instead looking at me, "And you'll tell me everything." She says firmly. Giving me one last look before going back inside.

Orochimaru scoffs, "Women, their weakness to their young is so easily exploitable, they don't even bother to hide their weakness." He tells me with derogatory disgust.

I glare up at him, "Love makes you fight harder and stronger." I spit out mulishly.

Orochimaru chuckles, putting a cold hand on my shoulder, his chakra subduing mine as he touches me, making me shiver in disgust. "So naive, child. Love does what you say to an extent… For a time. As that strength is always spent on sacrifice for someone weaker - inevitably leading to both their deaths."

"And what's wrong with that? Fighting to keep your loved ones safe? Even if you die, if you save those you love, it's worth it." I fire back, feeling slightly nauseous. The chakra is so close, it's not going to be easy to get used to.

"Ku ku ku," Orochimaru licks his lips, bending down to whisper cruelly beside my ear, "Really child, I can call your lovely protector out here? To fight and die for you? Your weakness will have the cost of her life, that's a fair trade then, no?" He studies me with those creepy golden eyes as I reluctantly look down at my feet and shake my head.

I have already decided not to let Kushina-shishou pay for my mistakes, or for whatever horrors I'll see under Orochimaru. I will not let her suffer anymore because of me.

"In the future, spare me the drivel you don't even believe in yourself." He drawls, amused. Hand clenching harder around my shoulder for a moment, before suddenly we both disappear from Shishou's house in a shunshin.

I feel nauseous and disoriented when we arrive at a nondescript building somewhere in Konoha. The travel speed was too fast for me to be able to orient myself at all, and the second we enter through the thick metal door my chakra sense of the outside world is completely cut off. I can't help letting out a gasp, not only because of the cut off - but the feeling of the chakra in the building. It's absolutely vile. If the chakra in the hospital was pain and defeat, and Orochimaru's is predatory and violating. This building… Is suffering and death.

I can feel nothing but the desire to die, permeating the building. It's thick and all encompassing, saturating the building. I feel sick to my stomach.

Orochimaru looks at me with a calculating gaze, licking his thin lips almost hungrily. "Your sense of chakra is extraordinary, I look forward to testing its limits."

I don't answer him, just gazing ahead anxiously, not looking forward to whatever lies beyond this nondescript entrance hall.

Orochimaru chuckles to himself as he leads me through the hall, into a small grey room with one simple desk and chair. With a thin, scraggly looking shinobi with dark circles under his eyes, lazily reclining with his feet up on the desk. A posture he quickly corrects when he notices Orochimaru, face whitening as he sits up straight, "Orochimaru-Sama!" He says, before falling into silence staring at me. Looking uncomfortable as he looks from me and towards the snake Sannin.

"Have the prisoners been prepared as specified?" Orochimaru asks mildly, a look of polite curiosity on his face. I can feel his chakra pressing in on the man, threatening consequences for the wrong answer.

"Y-yes Orochimaru-Sama!" He manages to get out, somehow even more white faced, the man shuddering in relief as Orochimaru turns away and leads me into another hallway, this one sloping down. Whatever feelings he has about a five year old coming along he has quickly discarded them.

Somehow I find the courage still to speak up, "Everyone fearing you like that can't be productive." I point out quietly. Knowing better than to mention any emotional or social disadvantage. It's not likely to make a difference, but even with him, I refuse anymore to just be a quiet victim following along. I need to at least speak up now and then, try and change his mind.

Orochimaru smirks, "How little you know." He hisses, pushing me forward as we get to the end of the corridor. Having skipped at least three side corridors on our way down. The cold undecorated grey walls feel prison-like.

I stumble into a cell block, it has no walls or partitions - just thick metal bars, keeping at least a dozen men as well as two women locked behind bars in large cages of metal.

The smell is absolutely rank. Blood, shit and piss, semen, rot. It's a miasma of horror. Every prisoner is completely naked, and none of them are uninjured. They've all been obviously tortured or experimented on. Their cells have no beds or even buckets for the prisoners. Hence the unsanitary conditions. This… These people aren't meant to survive. No one that's being interrogated would be kept like this, it's a death sentence. They'll die before you get any information. And the semen smell isn't hard to figure out when you see that all the others have individual cells, but the women each have a man in theirs - to further make them suffer.

Orochimaru is keeping these just for fun… Or worse. Just for me. These people might have been taken just for me to practice on…

Most of the people here aren't even ninja. Only one of the females and two of the males have a developed chakra system. Are the rest bandits… Or just people convenient enough to pick up. Am I going to be experimenting on innocents?

I have to ask, "Are these… Enemies?" I ask hesitantly.

At the sound of my voice, the prisoners who have all been listlessly sitting on the cement floor of their cells look up. Most scramble back to the very back of their cells when they see Orochimaru. The ninja eye him and me - with disgust - their fear hidden well, but not to my chakra sense.

The one female ninja, a black skinned woman with an amputated leg, sitting in the closest cell to me together with a brute of a male, speaks up, "Are there no limits to your depredation, snake?" She spits out.

"Enemies, allies, innocent or not. These are immaterial." Orochimaru hisses out, placing a hand on my head. Forcing me to meet the gaze of the heavily injured and tortured black kunoichi - likely from Kumo. "They are captives. If they had been strong, they wouldn't be here. If you're not strong… You'll be there." He continues with dark amusement.

"You better not be doing anything with that kid, Orochimaru." The black woman growls with a narrowed gaze, her dark eyes staring unafraid into the golden eyes of her tormentor.

I'm impressed despite everything, here she is, amputated leg, tortured, dumped into a cell to be raped and abused. And she still has the balls to speak to the snake sannin like that.

I let out an eep as a long tongue suddenly slithers up my cheek, leaving a trail of saliva, I shudder in disgust, even knowing Orochimaru is unlikely to have those kinds of feelings, he's doing it for effect on the prisoner - I'm sure. It still makes me want to hurl.

"This child is here to use you." Orochimaru says slowly, darkly. Golden eyes shining with open cruelty and amusement. He looks down at me as I surreptitiously try to wipe the saliva away. "Start with the non-ninja, explore their brains, make them do whatever you need, don't worry if you break them. They have their uses as ingredients too."

"Konoha… You're even worse than the propaganda claims." The female spits out, gnashing her teeth together quickly after to silence herself, as a dark green snake shoots out of Orochimaru's sleeve lightning quick, hovering with its dripping fangs in front of her face.

"Be silent now, she'll get to you soon enough. Ku ku ku…." Orochimaru chuckles. Mockingly wagging a long pale finger at her.

I let my chakra thread come into being, attaching it to one of the quiet men that's scrambled back as far as he can from us. Familiarizing myself with the chakra pathways. It barely takes me any time at all. A civilian, I have no problems hooking onto their system.

Orochimaru hums in thought as his chakra reaches out, it pokes both me and the man I'm probing. I notice some sort of instruments I haven't seen before, hanging from the ceiling. Some kind of chakra reader would be my guess, based upon my purpose here.

"I'm inside his pathways." I say quietly. Dreading whatever comes next.

It's funny how when I escape one monster, and finally feel I might not become the same, I end up under another monster, again learning how to become one. Well… I guess it's not haha funny, per say.

"So quickly, almost like you've practiced on civilians before." Orochimaru hisses, sending me a knowing glance. Luckily for me this fact seems to only amuse him.

Of course he would not see any problem in that.

"Let's see how much control you have. Make him kill himself." Orochimaru orders with cold amusement, eyes intent on the prisoner.

I hesitate only for a moment. This isn't like with my father, where I could just take the punishment instead and flee. I'm on a Hokage sanctioned training mission - I can't say no - not if I want to continue as a ninja. I focus and try and override the man's thoughts instead of the gentle subtle manipulation I've tried before. Slowly allowing my chakra to seep through his brain's pathways, hooking into and subsuming his will.

I flinch as the man slumps to the cement floor, I have overdone it, inducing brain death again. I tried to be as careful as possible, but actually forcing someone to kill themselves, taking over enough of their will to force that action, it is more involved than anything I've ever done before, I lost control of the chakra well before I could achieve it. I look up at Orochimaru, raising my head stiffly, expecting a reprimand at the very least, punishment - possibly.

He simply smirks at me, "Start with the next one, this time move slower, speed can come once you can do the process perfectly." He says casually, stroking the snake that's now wrapped around his forearm. Upon seeing my hesitance he rolls his eyes, "I have fifty more if you use up all these specimens, don't worry, they're very expendable."

That… Does not exactly make me feel better. Although it does give me some great motivation to get this right before I go through fifty people.

Part of me imagines brain death is a happy ending for most of them, in fact those in the cells around me that aren't ninja look at me with some amount of hope right now. They'd seen the silent pain free death I delivered. Internally I struggle between finishing as quickly as possible or with as few victims as possible. Which is better?

In the end I have no other choice than to try and perfect my skills, Orochimaru is behind me the entire time, using his own chakra as well as his instruments to measure what I'm doing. I have no doubt he'll intervene if he believes I'm purposefully failing.

I eye Dan briefly as he hovers nearby, a conflicted expression on his face as he looks at the prisoners. I have ignored his presence this entire time, just acknowledging the fact he's here and can hopefully serve to hold Orochimaru back from harming me. The ghost having followed us since the moment Orochimaru picked me up

Dan sees me looking and gives me a serious nod. I'm not sure if he means go ahead, or that he is watching over me, but somehow I feel a tiny bit better either way.

I look to my next victim, hunching my shoulders as I feel the cold judging gaze of the amputated kunoichi on my back.

If I wanted to avoid being her, suffering the humiliations and pains she has… I have to master this.

It makes me hate myself a little more, as isn't that the kind of excuse I made for why I followed what my father said.

And now I'm making the same excuses in the service of another man…

By the time I am delivered back to Shishou's house, just before midnight by literal seconds. I have successfully made a man rip open the artery in his wrist with his own teeth. After going through 8 civilians or bandits or whatever they are. I stood there, watching him bleed out, my chakra in his head as he expired. Feeling death coming. Living it until the last moment. He couldn't even feel relief, I subsumed his will so completely.

If the Daimyo ever finds out I can do this to a civilian so easily, I'll be hunted by every S-rank mercenary in existence with the largest bounty in history on me… If Konoha doesn't kill me to avoid a fight with the Fire Daimyo.

Control, without hand seals, without any noticeable sign of chakra usage, able to be done from a distance. It's an incredibly dangerous skill.

As Orochimaru praises me I feel a cold shiver up my spine. This skill I have… I can't ever allow Orochimaru to learn to be as good as me at it.

Luckily, although he knows how to use a chakra string, he doesn't have the spiritual alignment or chakra sense I do, so he completely fails so far at trying to replicate the way I enter a chakra system.

I'll have to make sure it stays that way.

Without fucking Orochimaru realizing I'm doing it.

＊＊＊

The next few days pass without incident. The Academy is going along, fairly boringly. The class is still somewhat freezing me out due to me cold clocking Shizune. I can't exactly tell them the real reason why either, telling a whole class - where half of them is either going to be captured or killed by enemies - one of my weaknesses, just to make friends. That is just too dumb to do just for being ignored by a bunch of classmates I have no real wish to socialize with anyway.

Dan expresses his profound disappointment in my choices, luckily he's just a ghost and can't make me do anything.

Besides, he spends most of my class time hovering over Shizune instead of me.

Gaku-sensei of course is reveling in my outcast status. Constantly needling me, putting me up in front of the class to show off how much better I am, furthering the divide between myself and my classmates. I'm certainly not going to stop being the best in the class to avoid upsetting anyone either. Friendships can wait until after the war - when I know who's going to actually survive more than a few weeks. Cruel perhaps, but reality. There's no guarantee even Gai will survive, my presence might have altered some circumstance that will end in his death - I just don't know.

At least Taijutsu practice has started for real, students matched up one on one, or sometimes two against one even, simulating real battle scenarios. Although Gaku-sensei at least ensures the matches are paired decently - no one would learn from pairing two of the best of the students together against someone else that's weak.

Luckily for me, Maito Gai isn't yet the complete Taijutsu master he will become one day. Although he is definitely not weak physically, he can't compare to me yet. I've had training for a year, some of that in an actual Taijutsu style. The Uzumaki spiral storm style. A fluid style based on flexibility and therefore more well suited to women to begin with, and perhaps to the more flexible minds of the Uzumaki. A too rigid style would have probably never worked with people that think like Kushina-shishou does.

The Konoha basic style taught at the Academy is just that - basic. It's a starting point for someone to later branch out into their own personal style. Every ninja having the same style is just begging for Konoha's enemies to develop a style to specifically crush it. Everyone developing their own way after the basics means it's harder to read or anticipate them in a fight. Sure, your enemy will know the basic setup of your style, there's no helping that. But the innovation and variations each shinobi adds to the style will make it different enough that no enemy can take you for granted in Taijutsu.

Luckily for me the spiral storm style has not exactly been seen much for a while now with Uzushiogakure's destruction. The whole new generation growing up to fight me will have never seen it in action. Giving me a small advantage - and even a one percent advantage is something I'd take.

Of course me being smaller than everyone and still managing to put them down adds to this growing divide between us. My team is just going to end up being absolutely lovely at this rate. A team with a small prodigy and two older teammates that hate me.

Looking forward to it already.

Today, after pushing Maito Gai's face into the ground several times, I go to a training ground after the Academy instead of going straight home to Kushina-shishou. I know Minato is supposed to be back any day now - and Kushina-shishou has been kind of useless in training me because of her anticipation. Hence I have moved to doing a lot of physical exercise on my own instead.

Sit ups, pull ups, I do anything and everything I can do to exhaust myself and push myself forward. Leaving me pleasantly aching and hurting afterwards. A nice workout is hard to beat - even the muscle ache is almost pleasant after a while. The feeling of accomplishment, of growing slightly stronger everyday.

It leaves me absolutely drenched in sweat, a smelly mess, my hair plastered to my face, dirt, mud and grass on my clothes as I come home. Opening the front door to find two sets of sandals. Of fucking course. Everytime I meet Minato I get to be a mess or naked…. It had to be today…

I eye the tiny pair of sandals next to Minato's, and I sigh, calling out, "I'm home." So Kakashi is Minato's tag-along now…Lovely.

Only like what? Six-seven years until he stops being an asshole?

"Inohana-chan, Minato is back and he has a cute apprentice for you to meet too!" Kushina-shishou shouts cheerfully, coming in for a hug before she wrinkles her nose slightly and steps back, "Geez, did you roll in a mud puddle, Dattebane?" She admonishes me.

She's really one to talk - I've seen her pay to have mud slathered over her. At least I come by my mud for free.

"I met a puddle and defeated it in honorable combat to the death." I deadpan. Waving to Minato who gives me a small strained smile in reply. Obviously someone's been told the deets on my fantastic life…At least it hopefully means he'll not interrogate me for anything now…

A quiet scoff is heard in the silence of everyone pausing in amazement for my achievement. I turn to the tiny wonder with a scowl. "Got a problem with that? Huh, ugly?"

Kakashi is definitely a character that I'm ambivalent about. Hilariously troll like at times, but knowing I'll have to deal with it eventually, not so much fun. Same to dealing with his bratty present rule abiding self. This is going to be such a bother.

"You're obviously a failure if you get this disheveled from some simple training exercises, bad humor used to deflect from your deficiency as a shinobi." Kakashi says coolly. Sitting next to Minato, looking at me with dispassionate judging eyes.

Ghost-Dan who came in with me looks at the little brat with a sad expression, "Sakumo's son… How could you leave him, Sakumo?" He shakes his head, looking disappointed. I tilt my head in thought, never having thought of the fact that Dan might have known the White Fang.

If Dan had been corporeal would he have adopted Kakashi? An interesting thought, but useless now anyway. The brat is technically an adult as far as shinobi law matters.

"Kids, get along, now…" Minato says somewhat helplessly, staring between us, giving Kushina-shishou a pleading look.

"Me get along with ugly, no problem." I say sweetly. Glaring at the uppity little brat. Sad backstory or not, I know how annoying he is for the next few years and I'm not cutting him any slack.

Before he can reply Kushina-shishou claps her hands together loudly. I briefly note the wince Kakashi almost manages to hide. So enhanced senses are definitely a thing. Where can I buy firecrackers I wonder…

No reason really. I'm just a festive kind of girl…

"Nothing fixes an attitude like some joint suffering, Dattebane!" Kushina-shishou declares loudly, pumping a fist in the air. "Backyard now, both of you kids are up against Minato!"

"That is a very bad idea." Dan says, frowning as no one can hear him. And I don't speak up to translate his words. I don't really want to get into the whole ghost explanation with Kakashi.

"I just exhausted myself!" I protest, to no avail as Kushina-shishou gives me a look.

The woman is just too damn stubborn when she wants something. I grumble quietly to myself as I eye my supposed partner.

Kakashi scoffs again, "Those with no skill, always have an excuse." He says as if to the air itself, acting like he isn't even speaking to me.

I bite my tongue, glaring at him. Oh this kid is going down!

Minato looks at Shishou, "Kushina, are you sure this is a good idea?" He asks tentatively.

I roll my eyes, does he even know his girlfriend?

"Who's had an apprentice longer?" Kushina-shishou says challengingly. Forcing Minato to fold with a shake of his head. We all head out to the backyard, and I have a feeling I'm going to be used in a lot of arguments about apprentices from now on due to Kushina-shishou's supposed expertise in the subject.

Kushina-shishou stands between us, Kakashi and I on one side, Minato on the other. Kushina-shishou is the only one acting even remotely excited about all this. Even Dan looks apprehensive, staring at Kakashi with mixed emotions.

I want to rub Kakashi's nose in the dirt, sure. But I'm not very excited about doing that in front of witnesses and trying it while exhausted.

"Team Kushina against Minato, fight!" Kushina-shishou shouts loudly, grinning. Before jumping away to the edge of the yard so she can't accidentally get caught in the fight.

Kakashi just sighs, rolling his shoulders, "What are the parameters?" He asks.

"What are the parameters?" I repeat in a robotic voice, mockingly. "Let me guess, ugly, for your birthday you want to learn how to do accounting, you old man!" I taunt, finding amusement in the fact I'm actually the old one here. And acting like a brat is kind of freeing in a way.

"Why are you like this with every kid your age!" Dan groans, floating off to get some distance from the coming fight.

"How juvenile." Kakashi scoffs, not even bothering to look at me.

"Your face is gonna be real juvenile soon, ugly!" I bite back, my feet steadying on the ground, sliding into a position to launch myself, as I turn to face him.

His posture changes as he also slides his feet into a more ready position, disregarding me as a threat as he is, he's still a shinobi, so he's responding to a potential attack.

And ohhhh, I'm definitely going to get him for disregarding my skills like he is…

"Kids, you're supposed to attack Minato!" Kushina-shishou complains, hands at her hip. "Hop to it. Suffer together." She turns to Minato, "Don't you dare go too easy on them either!"

The look on Minato's face clearly says he doesn't approve of this whole thing, yet with a sigh he draws a kunai and focuses on us. Any friend of Kushina-shishou probably knows better than to argue with her when she gets an idea like this stuck in her head. And as her boyfriend he knows more than anyone else.

Kakashi immediately focuses on Minato as soon as a weapon has been drawn. Rushing in to test Minato's defenses and to see how seriously he is going to defend. What level of opposition he's facing.

I have no weapons on me, my muscles ache from my workout and I doubt I'll be as fast as either of them right now - so I go the expedient route. I cheat a little.

Chakra strings fly from my fingers as Kakashi meets Minato - kunai to kunai - sparks flying. My strings grab two kunai out of Kakashi's pouches and immediately fling them up into Minato's face - which isn't there anymore as they thud into a log.

Seal less super fast Kawamiri. Noice.

I immediately duck, catching the intent - eyebrow twitching in annoyance as that fucking brat sends a kunai my way. "Going blind in your old age?" I shout at him, chakra sense pinpointing Minato hiding in a tree nearby as my eyes focus on the threat of my supposed partner.

"Don't get in my way, and don't touch my weapons." Kakashi bites out, before he disappears in a blur of movement. Sending an exploding tag covered kunai into the tree Minato is hiding in.

I shake my head as the tree explodes and Minato - already out of the tree the second Kakashi moved - kicks Kakashi back so casually it's like he's out on a Sunday stroll.

I use a web of chakra strings to slow down Kakashi's tumble through the air, accidentally snatching his ankle and forcing him to faceplant into the dirt.

"You're supposed to work together, Dattebane!" Kushina-shishou shouts, a hand over her mouth to hide the amusement at Kakashi's pratfall.

"I'm helping!" I say innocently. My own lips twitch at the absolutely furious glare being sent my way by Kakashi, who brushes himself off, shoulders stiff as he grabs another kunai and focuses on Minato.

I decide I can't just stay on the sidelines the whole fight, no matter how funny it is to see Kakashi be tossed around, so I rush at Minato, snaring his kunai holding hand in chakra strings to force it down at the same time as I launch myself with chakra to strike.

Of course Minato is a Jounin, even with one hand disabled for a second - whether he allowed it or is really caught is anyone's guess - he can stop me, he just never gets the chance.

As I launch, my chakra sense picks up Kakashi doing the same from closer than my own distance, and we both get in each other's way, both trying to take advantage of the temporary handicap Minato is under.

Annoying, as if the brat had thought it through, he could have come in after me to try and take advantage of Minato's preoccupation with my attack.

You know, take advantage of an opening - even if he doesn't want to team up.

In the end Minato just stands there, slightly bemused as we both crash into each other in front of him. My chakra strings snapping as I lose concentration, allowing Minato to move his hand as normal - not that he needs it. Because I immediately try to punch mini Kakashi in the face for being in the way, while he grabs my arm and manages to twist me out of the way as we both bounce away from each other and land on the ground. Eyes narrowed at each other, Minato forgotten.

In a flash of movement Kakashi sprints at me a kunai already flying ahead of him - his drawing and tossing speed is insane!

I just barely manage to attach a chakra string to tilt the weapon slightly to miss me by an inch - as I rush to meet him. Our quick Taijutsu clash proves inconclusive as we both back away, neither having gotten one over the other.

There's no way I can try and attach to his chakra system, I'm not practiced with it enough to attempt it on an actual shinobi - mini one or not. Also with the speed we're moving at, I can't concentrate to that level yet, to fight and simultaneously focus on what my chakra is doing in a target's pathways. It's beyond me. I'm unlikely to beat him in Taijutsu as he's more experienced than me and from a shinobi family - meaning he has more chakra and stamina to burn.

He has weapons, I do not. I doubt I'll be able to continue to steal them from him as easily as before now that he knows I can do that. He probably knows Ninjutsu, at least the basic three - but likely more as well.

I can't win this fight, not normally. I need to think out of the box.

I use my chakra strings to fly the kunai I had just deflected back to me, grasping it in my hand as I move back into a clash with the stuck up little shit. Trying to spot any deficiencies in his stance or movements - finding nothing that I am fast enough or strong enough to take advantage of. We soon discard the kunai and go back to straight Taijutsu.

Our continuous battle goes on as I lose more ground, grunting in effort as I take a few glancing hits, I'm getting slower, the bastard can probably take me down already but is drawing it out - I can spot the smugness in his face - even covered as it is.

Wanting to wipe that smug look off gives me one idea - a last chance kind of move.

As Kakashi goes for a strong punch I cross my arms to defend myself, purposefully moving with apparent desperation. As the punch hits and I fake going down to my knees in apparent weakness - I release the seal on my arm holding my few - sharp as a kunai - leaves. I control them to send them flying into Kakashi's face, the sharp little things expertly cutting his face mask.

He's lucky I'm nice, and didn't go for his eyes.

Kakashi, faced with losing his face mask in front of his new Sensei, and myself, immediately moves to grasp the ruined fabric and hold it to his face - opening himself up to me - on my knees - as I punch him as hard as I can in the groin.

I feel kind of bad, a little bit. Winning in this way. In another way, I definitely enjoy seeing that smug bastard go completely white and stumble back - somehow keeping to his feet throughout it all. But definitely feeling that one.

He eyes me murderously, one hand holding his facemask to his face, the other hand, elsewhere. Kushina-shishou rolls on the ground, laughing so hard she's almost choking and that is not helping his demeanor.

I can sense some weak killing intent both my way and towards Shishou.

He looks ready for murder. I should probably apologize. You know - be the bigger person.

"I'm sorry… I thought you could defend yourself better, ugly." I say sweetly. Blinking innocently at him.

There. An apology.

"I think that's enough for today." Minato says, a hand grasping Kakashi's shoulder before the Hatake can respond with violence.

I can see the anger and frustration on his face, and I just know I'm going to pay for this. Our next spar will be vicious. But I'm okay with it.

"You're never going to make friends with any of the kids are you." Dan remarks, shaking his head, looking over the whole situation.

I'm okay with it all.

I'll always have the day I punched Hatake Kakashi in the nuts.

＊＊＊

Authors Note:

Orochimaru is as always up to lovely things. But it's enemies so it's okay? Well, legal anyway.

SI wanting to be this ruthless badass is usual - what is not usual - but should be. Is an SI facing so much trauma actually finally asking for help or taking comfort from someone and not going full bore into becoming an Orochimaru type ninja.

One thing that is slightly amusing to me, here we have a fifty year old - if both lives are combined. That absolutely relishes being allowed to act like a complete shit and child at times. Straying away from the fact many SI absolutely refuse to enjoy even a part of having a childhood again.

Even with all the trauma she brought with her, and the new trauma she's gotten. Why not enjoy being able to get away with shit because you're a cute kid.

Cheers

JollyHippopotamus