Seventeen

The scream escaped her throat without her even realizing she was producing it. Her heart pounded as she opened her eyes, still paralyzed. The sheets were stuck to her skin, as she was covered in a cold sweat. Katniss didn't know where she was or what was happening to her, until her mind understood she was home. The first thing she thought was that she was going to wake Prim up, surely she must have kicked her, then she remembered they didn't have to sleep together anymore and she was alone. It was the hurried footsteps down the hall that helped steady her breathing. For a second, she couldn't place the voice that called her from the doorway. After getting up slightly, she distinguished him in the shadows, breathing just as agitated as she was.

"Katniss."

It was just her father, she thought with relief, because she couldn't even speak. He always came to her rescue, always, only once he hadn't been able to help her. She focused on catching her breath and after taking a slow one she reached up to turn on the lamp on the nightstand.

"I thought someone had broken into the house," she heard her father say, almost out of breath. "You were screaming."

Katniss's lips parted, dread still simmering in her throat.

"I'm sorry," she emitted in just a whisper.

He made his way to her bed slowly, without his cane, until he leaned against it, but leaving her space.

"You're fine, you're home. Easy, honey."

Katniss squeezed his hands tightly for a moment and even though the uneasiness didn't leave her body, hearing him talk about it softened the fear thenightmare had awakened in her.

"Go to bed, dad," she asked him a little later. "I'm fine."

"It's okay if you're not, Katniss."

She knew it, but she could already feel her eyes burning, threatening to shed some tears, something she desperately wanted to avoid. She wasn't ashamed to cry in front of her father, she actually didn't mind, but the frustration quickly got the best of her. She was grateful he couldn't see her well, and also that he was close, because she didn't know where she had her hearing aid and she was even a little confused. At night, everything made her feel weaker and more vulnerable, because her senses were no longer what they used to, nor were her thoughts. The hearing issue, the nightmares she was having, the worries that kept her awake... she had won, but her life was no longer easy, by no means. It had never been and never would it be, she feared.

"I'm going to drink something and try to sleep again, I promise," she told her father, and only then, after trying to make him see she was alert enough to come up with a full sentence, was she able to coax him back to sleep. She hated having to make everyone look out for her, and even though she knew she didn't have to face it alone, it was hard to reconcile the two thoughts.

The floor in the kitchen was cold, but even that didn't fully wake her up. She did as she had told her father, since he was most likely waiting for her to come back up, she drank a glass of water and went back to bed, although in fact she couldn't sleep a wink afterwards. Marvel's face and his body falling down followed her, every other night without fail.

And like that she had already let a few weeks slip away, fall was coming soon and half of the summer had been taken from her at the Capitol, along with the person she used to be before. She still hadn't set foot in the woods with Gale again, nor did she seem capable of doing so for the moment. Her family and her friends, however, were what really encouraged her to keep going, so, after that complicated early morning, she decided that she would visit Madge. Now that she didn't have to struggle to make a living to eat properly she didn't quite know what to do with her free time and the market, which Gale and her used to frequent, was not the kind of place a girl like Madge would go to. She doubted she had ever entered in her whole life.

The aimless walk they took led them almost inadvertently to the Mellarks' bakery. Prim used to drag her there to see the pies in the window, but those days were over now. Although she kept a bittersweet memory in relation to that store, it also gave her hope of how life could be transformed and improved. She walked in behind Madge, without giving it much thought, and observed all of the pastries and scones, inhaling the smell of freshly baked bread and sweets that made her stomach growl. She heard Madge ask the baker for a loaf of bread to take home, and as she remained lost in thought, unable to choose, a second softer voice startled her.

"Your father usually buys a lot of those cookies."

Katniss looked up to see a boy right in front of her, behind the counter. Her heart skipped a little for a second, noticing the crystalline blue eyes fixing on her, though without any hardness.

"It's because they're my favorites," Katniss replied, after recovering herself. "Can I have six, please?"

When she turned slightly to the left, she noticed Madge was still talking to Mr. Mellark, so she took the opportunity to look at his son, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Peeta, there was this day, I don't know if you remember…" she began slowly. "You…you gave me some bread."

He looked at her in silence, with a serious expression, and immediately opened his mouth in surprise, as if he didn't believe her capable of reminding him of that.

"I shouldn't have done it that way, they were burned and you were getting soaked..."

Katniss shook her head slightly, not meaning to make him nervous as well, for no reason. If she was bringing up that memory, that moment which was so horrible for her and at the same time something for which she was so grateful, it was because before she hadn't considered herself capable of looking at his face again. At that moment, when she didn't even have anything to put in her mouth after so many days, that single selfless act of someone who wasn't even her friend had changed everything.

"You saved my life," she whispered. "Back then, I had nothing, you know? I owe you."

Peeta nodded a little after breaking into a smile, half blushing, and Katniss couldn't help but let one slip from her as well. It was even bigger, when she went out with Madge and she realized he had given her an extra cookie in the package, so they ate it together on their way. She loved the ones with chocolate chunks in the middle and she knew someone who would love them for sure too, she thought. She wished he had been there. As if he had read his thoughts, she had barely had time to change clothes and get comfortable when the phone rang.

"I'll go!," she screamed, not knowing where her father really was.

Since they could answer from the other line in the office, she didn't bother going down to the kitchen.

"Hello?"

"Hello again. Am I interrupting something?"

Katniss plopped down on the couch and repositioned the phone, she must have sounded agitated and that's why he had said it. She was already getting used to how Finnick's voice sounded on the other end.

"No, I just came from the bakery. It's a little early for you, isn't it?"

"It's a boring day, it's been raining since last night. What have you bought?"

"Cookies, with chocolate and all that."

"Don't make me jealous," he protested, although with a hint of amusement ringing in his voice.

"If it makes you feel less jealous, I haven't slept at all," she admitted. After all, it was foolish to hide it from him. "I guess nightmares are normal, but I don't know what else to do anymore."

"I walked a lot, do something that distracts you during the day to be more tired, it usually worked for me. Oh, and don't spend too much time watching television or you won't sleep a wink," he advised.

Katniss wasn't crazy about the shows and propaganda they aired, but it was good for her to know anyway.

"And what are you doing?" She asked him. "Are you home alone?"

"Who am I going to be with? I only have Mags left here."

Her mentor, Katniss recalled, from what she understood she was a rather older woman.

"Right," she lamented. "Sorry."

"No problem. A few days ago I got to see Johanna, I'm not always alone, so."

"Johanna who?" she replied. "Johanna Mason?"

She was the only person who sounded familiar to her with such a name.

"We get along well. You would too, I think."

Katniss frowned a bit, even though he wasn't going to see it. She would never have thought of it.

"She seems to be a bit..."

"Rude?" Finnick suggested.

"I was going to say brutal."

He emitted a small laugh.

"Well, yeah. Nothing scares her."

Although silence fell between the two for a moment, Katniss didn't feel uncomfortable. They could wait for the other to come up with anything to say without fear of having to fill every second to keep the interest, which calmed her down, the fact that he didn't expect anything from her.

"Is it cold in 4?" It suddenly occurred to her.

"Not really, even if it rains."

"It's starting to get cool here. I used to not like this time of the year at all," she said, almost without thinking. "Many times we warmed up whatever way we could."

"I imagine it must be complicated," he admitted.

"My father had to work very hard to even buy coffee and stay warm. Now he is setting up some kind of physician's office or an apothecary at the house, I haven't told you. They have granted him a permission in the district."

"I'm so glad, Katniss. That's amazing news."

"Yes, it's good that we can do something to help others."

"It'll do a lot of good, that's for sure. Listen, the other day…did you see Alder's parents?"

Katniss sighed slightly before answering.

"Yes, and you were right. It was tough, but they treated me better than I expected."

"I told you. How are they?"

"They're having a bad time, of course," Katniss replied, lowering her voice. "I hope this gives them the peace they are looking for…that is what matters."

Finnick coughed a bit, then cleared his throat.

"Well, I don't want to keep you entertained any longer."

"You don't bother me," Katniss replied, to switch to a less painful topic. "Actually, I have nothing to do until afternoon. I'm going to see that singing program. I don't really like it, but Prim never misses it."

"It's not bad, even if they have never invited me to go," he replied.

Katniss smiled. She missed him a little, him and his quick wit, the unexpected comments that made her forget everything for a second and always ended up making her smile.

"Bye, Finnick."

"Rest up, Katniss."

Sorry it took me so long to upload, I hope you are enjoying it! Thanks for reading.