I scrolled through the news on my phone, stopping to read an article that caught my eye here and there but overall there wasn't really anything interesting going on. I guess that's a good thing, it would be psychotic to wish for bad things to be happening. Speaking of psychos, Wesker was looking at me oddly again- or rather he was looking at my food in disgust. I was eating pickles with peanut butter as a snack and I was far used to this kind of reaction to my "weird" tastes so it didn't bother me at all. This wasn't the only thing I ate that got a grossed out side eye and try as I might to explain why I liked a "weird" food combination, no one seemed to get it. Getting people to actually try whatever I was eating got mixed results, most of the time someone would take the tiniest taste and double down on calling it disgusting but a few actually ended up siding with me on liking it. Wesker refused to even try it, he'd already eaten lunch with me and claimed he wasn't hungry.
"I'm not making you eat it." I reminded him yet again, still kind of amused that he was so against trying it. I didn't press him on it, I never did with anyone. Even if what I was eating was "normal" I wasn't going to force my tastes onto another person. Wesker shook his head but didn't say anything else because we'd already agreed to both shut up about it since we couldn't agree on the matter. That didn't stop his expression from scrunching up every time I took a bite though which I took some level of humor in. A new message from Jill distracted me from my unintentional torment of my lover.
Jill: We need to talk
A stone dropped in my stomach over the vague but serious text. I picked up my phone from where it was laying on the table while I was idly scrolling on it so that Wesker could no longer see it.
Chris: What about?
Jill: In your room that way Wesker doesn't get nosy about your reaction
"Chris?" Wesker called and I looked at him to see concern on his features over the obvious drop in my mood. Sorry Jill, too late on that.
"I don't know yet, Jill just said we need to talk and I'm sure you know better than anyone the nervousness that puts in most people." I smiled weakly and acted like I was shrugging it off. "Maybe something happened, maybe she just had a bad day." he smirked and nodded a little.
"It gets you thinking about what they want to talk about and your mind instantly goes to the worst case scenario. It's a tactic I intentionally used on you a lot back in STARS to imply threat when I wanted you to quiet down." he explained almost smugly though he didn't have to, I remembered all the times he did it. The anxiety that caused me when I actually did do something I tried hiding from him and he kept me waiting to figure out if he actually knew about it was damn near impossible to play it cool with.
"Yeah, using people's insecurities against them for your own advantage, you're so original and clever." I rolled my eyes as I got up to put my snack away.
"It's not the originality of the deceit that makes it clever, it's the way it's executed." he called back to me. "You never wisened up to it therefore you can't claim my methods aren't clever." I headed to my room, stopping in the doorway to keep talking to the blond man.
"Whatever you say Mr. Holmes." I sarcastically remarked and he turned to look at me with a daring expression for the challenge.
"Go, before I decide I have to punish you for talking back to me." I laughed over the threat but stepped fully into my room and shut the door. As soon as it clicked shut my smile fell now that I was free to express my worry over what was going on. I called my best friend and she picked up on the first ring.
"Sorry to do this now but I figured it was a good time since you were about done eating." the blonde woman excused and I nodded before looking up at the camera to see if it was on or off, genuinely not remembering what state it was left in. It was off and I contemplated turning it on so she could see me but figured it wasn't necessary since we were just on the phone so I left it off.
"Yeah so what's up?" I questioned, eager to figure out what the anticipation was for.
"Welcome back to work, we've got a new mission coming up that we need you in the loop for." she stated and I let out a relieved breath that nothing terrible had happened. Plus hearing that I was being allowed to get back into work stuff was among the greatest things I'd heard in a while- I was so sick of just sitting around waiting all this time. Don't get me wrong, I loved my time here with Wesker and all but like he said, I was a man of action and wasn't suited for idle nothingness. "Before you go celebrating…" she sighed and took just a moment to continue but didn't keep me waiting long enough to press for what she was talking about. "They decided to try to hack Wesker's phone and failed. The whole thing's fried… I'm sorry Chris." she dropped the news and it felt like a bombshell going off in my chest. A long silence stretched between us as she allowed me some time to process the awful news… so much for nothing terrible happening. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. They tried… but… why?
"When?" I finally asked though it only came out as a shocked whisper.
"Halfway through the month. I was only told about it the other day and I was instructed not to tell you until now so you couldn't accidentally tip Wesker off." she explained and I began to pace as my free hand ran through my hair. I wasn't angry that she didn't tell me as soon as she found out, it made sense not to tell me until now because even Wesker acknowledged that he could read me well enough that I don't need to say anything to tell him things. I was angry that the fucking director signed off on the tech guys even trying! Wesker warned them not to- he warned them it would destroy all the information! One month- why couldn't they wait just a little longer when it wasn't even them who was sacrificing so much? It was me that was sacrificing! It was me that got stuck in here! It was me that put my life on hold to do this for the betterment of the world! It was me that put my life on the line not knowing Wesker's plans for me down here! It was me that wasn't allowed out even when I said I was done with all this! It was me that ended up handing my heart over to the enemy because of this time together. I'd risked so much… and for what? Nothing. All the time and work and money that's gone into making sure Wesker could be detained here… and they threw it all away. One month… Wesker was going to unlock his phone for us, he was going to hand everything over as soon as the month was done… and they slapped his generosity away.
Wesker mentioned from the very beginning that he had all the data backed up on a physical drive but in order to retrieve it, he'd have to be physically there. I was sure we'd built up enough security to ensure Wesker would be stuck here for as long as he deserved to be in custody but if we had to take him out of here… he would get away. It was the perfect chance for him to escape- he would have the home field advantage and who knew what he had set up there beforehand to specifically be able to aid his getaway! But a lot's changed now, right? Would he really still just leave me like that? I had no way of knowing and clearly I couldn't just ask him right now since it'd be smarter to try my hardest not to tip him off about his ruined phone. The less time he had to think of a plan the better… not that he wouldn't already have several ready before he even surrendered himself. Obviously the old plan would have been to escape but maybe that's changed because of all that's happened between us… maybe he could be content staying here and I could visit as much as we both wanted. But what if that wasn't enough? What if I wasn't enough?
"Are we planning an escort mission?" I put my head into my usual workspace to avoid where my thoughts were wandering because that was dangerous territory. We'd have to escort Wesker to wherever he had the backup data, keep him in check as he retrieved it, and get him back here. We certainly had our work cut out for us.
"We're going to have a conference meeting with a few higher ups about it tomorrow to talk about building a team, equipment allowances, and whatnot. You'll have to make sure Wesker stays in his room so you can join remotely and he won't hear what we're planning." there was a little bit of smug pride to her tone as she continued. "From the sounds of it, they want you as team captain to give direction and advice since you know Wesker best so they're hoping you'll know what to expect." I wasn't sure about knowing what to expect but I was sure I at least knew Wesker and his methods enough to be able to predict or spot some of the potential traps or something which was better than nothing. I'd always wanted to be a captain but I didn't really like it happening indirectly because of Wesker like this.
"Send me the details for the meeting tomorrow and I'll make sure I'm ready and presentable." I told her rather than talking more about things right now as I would have if I was okay.
"Chris?" my best friend asked, picking up on the depression in my voice and dismissal of the needed conversation. I hung up on her without saying goodbye and sat heavily on my bed with my head in my hands. I felt empty inside but weighed down so much as if the shell of me was made of dense lead. Why was I so surprised by this turn of events? It was pretty standard in my life for things to go wrong especially when I was finally starting to feel good about my chances for happiness again. I felt alone and betrayed by everyone. Jill didn't betray me, I understood why she didn't tell me earlier and I would have done the same thing, she was just the messenger here but I still needed a little time. Wesker would betray me again as soon as he was able- there's no way he didn't have some kind of setup that would help him escape wherever the backup was stored. Even now that he cared about me too, he was still a selfish bastard that would look out for himself first, he would choose himself over me every time. It actually made me angry that I couldn't really fault him for that because it wasn't wrong to have a good sense of self preservation. But I wanted it to be wrong- I wanted him to choose me even if it meant he would remain locked up until he died… but he would never see it that way.
The betrayal I felt the hardest was from the BSAA as a whole. This organization was my life, I'd helped raise it from nothing to the giant it is now… and now I got to watch as new leaders made poor choices and turned it more and more into a political corporation. That wasn't inherently bad, I understood politics were involved in everything and we needed to play the game right but there were just too many bad calls across the board. All the legal red tape we ran into while trying to do our jobs and save people basically helped to kill those same people. It all felt so wrong to me and I didn't know what to do- there was nothing I could do because that was the legal course of action whether I liked it or not. I found myself siding with O'Brian more and more- fuck the legality of what he did, he did the right thing and justice was served.
Now this. The smaller betraying jabs I was feeling from the BSAA were pestering but I would have been able to focus on the good we did enough that the bad didn't matter as much. But since I've been here… those general jabs have turned into personal assaults. I was lied to, manipulated, trapped against my will- all of that was already bad enough but now it was worse. Now they went behind my back to betray my direct advice not to hack Wesker's phone. They made everything that I risked, sacrificed, and endured here basically for nothing and they were going to be to blame when Wesker escaped. It made sense that Wesker would want to get out of here and he likely had this escape plan in place well before we grew closer in a positive way. But the people here at the BSAA were responsible for allowing him to follow through with his plan. Between all of the personal wrongs done against me even just this past month, it couldn't be pinned on a single person, it was multiple higher ups throughout the organization across multiple departments and no one stepped up for me. Jill tried where she could but she was still undergoing her own issues and such as well. It was all too much… but I didn't know what to do about any of it.
… … …
I wasn't sure how long I was frozen just sitting on my bed as I sulked but eventually I went to take a shower. I tried to put it all out of mind so I could get back to enjoying my very few remaining days with Wesker but… but that just reminded me that they were actually coming to an end. I couldn't believe how much things had changed in such a short amount of time- I had been so worked up and regretful about having to come in here and now I was so worked up and regretful about having to leave. As much as I wanted out of here because I was seriously getting stir crazy, I didn't want to leave Wesker and lose everything we'd built here. I couldn't stop thinking about what things might be like between me and Wesker after this- there's no way we could go back to how things were before but we definitely couldn't remain like we are now. Things would change again and I didn't know how things would work- I wasn't even sure how I might feel. Sure I would be sad, I would be angry, I would love him, I would hate him, I would want to reunite and kiss him, I would want to capture and kill him- why was everything so damn complicated with him? Why couldn't he just choose me and stay? Then we could still be together.
I didn't respond to the knock on my door. I barely heard it since I was in my bathroom with the shower still running but obviously it was Wesker, probably checking on me since I'd been gone for so long. I wasn't sure how long I was just sitting in the shower for but the water had gotten colder quite some time ago so probably a long time. Next there was a knock on my bathroom door which meant Wesker let himself in, probably knowing something was up and wasn't going to let me get away with isolating myself.
"Come in." I called over the noise of the running water. I didn't realize how much I wanted Wesker with me right now until I saw him open the door and step in, closing the door behind himself. He looked down at me sitting in the small shower box and sighed, instantly knowing all about what kind of mood I was in. He opened the door to the shower and stuck his hand under the spray, his eyes darkening as he shook his head at the cold temperature and turned the water off. Before he could say anything, I reached up to grab his hand and just stared into his eyes with a pleading expression. I wasn't sure what exactly I wanted from him right now- I just needed him to be here with me. He sighed again before grabbing the back of his shirt to pull over his head, dropping it on the ground as he knelt closer to me. I moved to wrap my arms around him and he returned my embrace regardless of my chilled wet skin. He stayed as long as I needed him to and just let me hold him as a firm reminder that he was still there. I was getting so lost in what would happen when he was gone that I was acting as if he had already left. For the time being he was still here with me.
"I take it Jill wasn't just complaining about a bad day." the blond stated when I finally released him though he didn't go far, sitting on the floor just outside from where I was since I didn't make a move to get out.
"They fried your phone." I told him bluntly, not caring if they didn't want me to tell him yet or not… I just didn't care anymore. Wesker was silent and from my peripheral vision I could see his eyes darken again, shifting from a red-orange to a solid red. But he didn't say anything, he simply turned his head upward as he thought.
"At least that explains your mood." Wesker declared as he rubbed his hands together. I said nothing. The other man stood to grab my towel and hold it open for me just outside the shower. "Come on Chris, let's get you dried and warmed up." my eyes trailed up to him but I didn't move.
"Of course you wouldn't care." I muttered as I crossed my arms over my knees and laid my head on top of them.
"Not particularly, no." he stated, still waiting on me to get out and even making an impatient gesture for me to come on already when I still didn't move. "What do you want me to say Chris?" his arms dropped since I clearly wasn't ready to get out. "That it'll all be alright and whatever you're overthinking won't become a reality? Do you want me to get emotional and over speculative due to an eventuality I've already predicted?" I didn't respond to his mocking. "Right now I'm not concerned with whatever the BSAA has done with my phone. I understand what must be going through your mind with this new information and that is what I'm concerned with. Perhaps later if there's anything you would like to calmly discuss about the matter we may be able to do that. But right now I'm only interested in getting your immediate needs taken care of." he lifted the towel again. "And that means getting you out of this cold shower." I met his expectant gaze for a little longer than needed before I sighed and finally stood up. Wesker wrapped the towel around me as soon as I stepped out of the shower box and used his hands to rub the absorbent fabric over my skin. While the towel was over my head so the blond could dry my hair, I was a little surprised when he leaned in to kiss me through the window between the edges of the towel. "Don't overthink it Chris, take it one day at a time."
"One day at a time… how many more days do we have?" he sighed at my question and got back to drying my hair.
"I'm going to deduce that you mean that generally rather than literally since you're the one that can more easily track the passing days down here." he said without malice. It was a fair point, even with my phone to tell me what day it was it could still be difficult to recognize the passage of time without any windows. I had no doubt that Wesker was keeping track of the days as well as he could just from the time and knew our time together was running short but he was right, I did mean more in general rather than just this month. "I don't know, I'm not omniscient, I have no idea what the future holds for us after you leave." for some reason what he said threw me off guard and I actually balked at him.
"After I leave?" I repeated in stunned disbelief- the whole point of this was my fear that he was going to be the one leaving.
"Yes Chris." he stated with a little irritation in his tone, leaving the towel on my head as he let it go and backed up to give me some personal space. " You will be the one walking out of here in a few days, I won't. Aside from that I remain as in the dark as you about what fate has in store for us." I pulled the towel away from my head and wrapped it around my waist.
"That's not what I… I wouldn't…" Wesker rolled his eyes at my muttering and left the bathroom. I followed him into my room and tried to gather my thoughts as he went to my dresser to get me some clean clothes. Yes, I would be the one to physically leave here but that was only a technicality- I wasn't leaving him . I told him I'd be back to visit as much as I could… he seemed upset so was that not enough for him? But if he escaped he would be leaving me because there wouldn't be any coming back from that and that was what I was afraid of. Wesker was silent when he passed me some clothes that I quickly got on. I sat on my bed and rubbed my head again as I still tried and failed to sort my feelings. After a moment there was a pressure on the other side of my bed that told me my lover had sat down behind me. I leaned back until my body was resting against his, my head tilting to rest on his shoulder. It took him a minute to settle into sitting back to back like this but he did relax again.
He had a pretty good idea of what was running through my head with this new revelation but I had no idea what was running through his. He wasn't happy about it, that much was obvious- based on how dark his eyes got, I'd say he really wasn't happy about it. I was still one hundred percent sure he already had a ready escape plan at the location with his backup but maybe there was now a part of him that wished he wouldn't get to use it. Getting out of here on his own would be infinitely more challenging for him- if it was even possible at all, so us having to take him out would be his chance. He said it didn't concern him but of course it did because now he had to decide if he was going to put his plan into action or not. I could directly point that out and ask what he was thinking but I doubt I'd get a straight answer- if I got an answer at all… but I wanted one.
"Would you ever stay with me?" I whispered my question and felt the other man tense slightly but he said nothing so I guessed I was right that I wouldn't be getting the answer I wanted or any. I didn't think I'd like any kind of sweet lie or evasive comfort but maybe it'd be better than this silence.
"Would you ever leave with me?" his return question was spoken in the softest and most unsure mutter I'd ever heard from my former captain and that alone would be enough to shock me but even more so than his tone were the actual words. Leave with him? What did that even mean? I was so surprised I actually sat up to turn around and look at him but he remained facing the wall in front of him. "You think me selfish yet you expect me to change my ways to suit your version of 'good' and 'right' while you haven't even considered changing for me." he was slightly slouched forward and his clasped fingers rubbed redness into the skin between his digits. "You make such demands as if your way is the only possible way for us to be together. You're so rooted in your own morals and way of life that the mere thought there are other ways hasn't even crossed your mind." he finally turned just enough to see me and the view of his faintly glowing deep red eyes was heartbreaking. I'd seen them like this before but his expression was always filled with hatred… now there was such a deep depression and longing on his face it was painful just to witness. "Is that not selfishness at its finest?" I didn't know how to reply to that so I didn't. I wasn't sure what kind of expression I made but he nodded slightly and turned back to the wall.
We sat in silence for a long time, both unsure what to do or say next but both unwilling to leave the other's side. I wondered if his question was purely a thought as mine had been, if we'd both been thinking of our own ways to be together and just now confronting the conflicts in our methods and desires. Why were we always on opposite sides… was it ever possible for us to be together at all? I also had to wonder if his question was some kind of admittance that he was in fact going to leave… but that would mean it doubled as an invitation to leave with him. He was right, I'd never thought of anything like that. I thought in order for us to be together he would have to remain imprisoned here and I could come visit him. It wasn't optimal even for me but it was the only way, right? Apparently I was wrong. I could leave with him… leave my job, my friends, my family, my life. I could give up everything to be with him. But no, that wasn't right.
"You're the one that's done so much wrong. Betrayal, murder, the list of your crimes goes on and on Wesker." I pointed out quietly. "You surrendering and being here is a huge part of why I was able to work on forgiving you but there's still a long way to go. Doesn't it make you the selfish one for expecting me to give up my life to go on the run with you when I haven't done anything to deserve that?" he only answered me with a heavy sigh and a bit later he leaned back against me to mimic how I rested against him earlier.
"Can't we both be selfish?" he asked and I managed a short chuckle.
"I guess." I answered. "Too bad our selfish desires for each other are so conflicting." he nodded to show he agreed with me but said nothing more about it. Still on opposite sides and even farther from a possible middle ground… why were things with him always so complicated? It was only then that I realized it was odd that I actually gave the idea of running away with Wesker genuine thought rather than shooting it down as soon as it was spoken like I should have. It was even more odd that I never thought about warning anyone of this conversation and that I still had no intentions of doing so.
~...~...~...~
When I removed Jill from the facility, I told everyone I would be gone for some time running field tests with her while she was under the influence of the P30 drug. It was believed my aim was to perfect the drug with her as the perfect test subject since she was so resistant to it. If I could get it to work effectively on her, it would work effectively on nearly anyone. Science could take time and I wasn't usually easy to reach for most people so as long as there wasn't any major development I wouldn't have ignored, I wouldn't be suspected as missing for some time. I left Jill at the hospital nearest to Chris' home and went to take care of the last remaining loose ends to my plan while I waited for the fuss of the woman's discovery to die down.
As I strolled into the hospital later, I knew Chris would be the only one with her since he would insist she wasn't crowded and there would be no possible way he would ever leave her side after thinking her dead. No one bothered me, I had an authoritative presence and it wasn't like they had her in a secured area, people visiting loved ones in the ER was common. I thought there might have at least been a BSAA guard at her door but there wasn't, perhaps Chris thought he was enough if I decided to drop in. Fortunately for him, I wasn't currently looking for a fight. I heard his voice as my hand was silently opening the door and a familiar excitement ran through me though I had to suppress it and remind myself I wasn't here to fight him.
"Just what happened to you Jill?" his expression was delightfully tragic, his hand clasping that of his best friend who seemed not to have woken up yet. She likely would very soon, she'd been off her meds and any sedative for long enough. As much as I wanted to bask in the pathetic display of my enemy, I spoke up to make my presence known. Of course the first thing he did was stick a gun in my face but, as always, it didn't concern me. I don't know why he still bothered with it anymore when he knew I could dodge his bullets. Surely whatever comfort the weapon provided when he felt threatened wasn't enough to override his rationality.
Taunting him was as entertaining as ever and it only made me look forward to what I had planned even more. The look on his face when I told him I had reintroduced the T-virus into Jill was outstanding, if he was a man of weaker constitution I would say he would be genuinely sick. But then… the expression he showed me as he thanked me for what I had done… it was unlike any I'd seen- at least in a very long time. STARS had been a lifetime ago, quite literally in my case, while I had never forgotten my time as the team's captain, many of the nuances were discarded as unimportant. The sight of Chris' teary eyed gratitude was among those that lost their meaning. My head swam and I felt lost in a wave of wondering what other memories I'd neglected. I'd given up his smile for his pain, his laughter for his rage. I enjoyed the way he hated me but… had it always been that way? Surely there must have been a time I took some pleasure in seeing something more joyous from him, otherwise my chest wouldn't ache as it did now. The feelings of conflict inside me only helped to remind me why I was doing this- I needed to figure out what was happening in me whenever I thought of Chris now. Ever since I realized I didn't want to kill him, my mind had been so tangled with questions and I needed to sort it all out. Who better to aid me in that than the man himself?
"I'm turning myself in." I told him with the same confidence I said everything with because I wasn't about to show him any sign of the weakness I felt at that moment. I did get some amusement over his new dumbfounded expression and reasonable suspicion. I handed over my gun- which wasn't my Samurai Edge, I'd spent too much time and effort keeping that gun in top condition to simply hand it over to the BSAA. No, that was kept elsewhere for safekeeping while I was to be locked up. However I understood it would be important for Chris to see me disarm myself. He still checked me for more weapons and he knew I could kill him without any but it was symbolic in a way. I had no problem allowing him to handcuff me to the chair because we both knew it wouldn't stop me from moving if I wanted to but just like the gun he kept trained on me, I knew it brought him some peace of mind. I wasn't going to challenge that, not yet at least.
"Don't worry Chris, you can stay with Jill, we've got this covered." some unimportant agent spoke reassuringly to the brunet. Of course that wasn't a real option and though I wanted to silence the pest that made it one, I only made a display of my discontent with it. Chris wisely chose to leave someone else at the hospital so he could escort me himself. It felt like a victory- not only because the menace in my life obeyed my whim but because only I could pull him willingly from Jill's side in her time of need. In this case he had a responsibility to both of us, to be there for his best friend and to take me in, and I was more important.
Another agent tried to grab onto my cuffed wrists to guide me into the armored truck they brought along for transport but he stopped reaching for me the moment he noticed the threatening red gleam from behind my sunglasses. Chris sighed and gripped my arm to pull me in with him as he climbed up to the seats. I allowed this and sat where placed, watching as he alone locked more restraints over my limbs. He looked at me with an irritable wariness that only drew a smirk from me. He was waiting for me to make some kind of move, so sure this was a false surrender and I would reveal some grand scheme to justify the ploy. Under any other circumstance he would be correct and I would be biding my time for the perfect moment to strike. But not this time. This time the goal was to be nearer to Chris and I was already getting that. My mind was already clearer with him so close yet it was simultaneously more chaotic as well. I couldn't organize my thoughts as well as usual and he was everywhere like wallpaper on every surface of my mind but at least there was direction to it all.
When he left me in the cell and walked away to go back to Jill without even saying goodbye, I felt angry with him as I had not all day. It was only then I realized how odd that was. Usually sadistic glee and anger went hand in hand when I was around him but this time it had been the former and something else… something I wasn't sure I was familiar with… something I wasn't sure I liked. I wasn't sure how long it would take for the organization to meet my demands so Chris and I could begin our month together but I hoped it wouldn't be long. I wasn't sure when he would properly join the negotiations but I found I hoped it was soon… I already wanted to see him again.
Boom! Another chapter done! Can you tell how much more motivated I am to work on this story now that we're back into heavy plot things? Damn I'm SO looking forward to wrapping this one up and revealing all the things I've been steering towards for this. It's gonna be fun- well, fun for me at least, we'll see if it's fun for anyone else.
Originally I was gonna have Wesker eating something "weird" and Chris looking at him oddly over it but upon talking both to Pink Dave and SpookyPierogi (they're a great writer on AO3 I've had the pleasure of talking to recently through Chrisker Week this year and I highly recommend checking out their works) about it, we all agreed it would totally be the other way around and so it is. I like pickles and peanut butter so that's what I added here for Chris. I don't even know why, I don't really like either all that much but together they're just so good.
Anyway, not a whole lot to say so Imma see myself out. Anyone have any thoughts on where this is going? I'd love to hear them as I refill my mug of readers' tears.