The USS Nemo crossed into the Titan sector at light speed. Mon and Eltro looked over some star charts for their planned intrusion. "It seems to me that using these star charts is not the Insane way. We're supposed to explore and conquer the galaxy with our instincts, aren't we?" Eltro protested.
"The conquering and plundering of the galaxy will be more efficient with these star charts and that is consistent with Insane goals and aspirations. Besides, I think I found something damn peculiar," Mon said as he looked at his computer. "You recall that proto-star we passed by? They're not in the star charts."
"Holy shit," Eltro said stunned.
"Imra, come," Mon ordered.
Imra entered the room annoyed. "Your star charts are fucked up," Mon accused.
"Explain," Imra rolled her eyes.
"I found a planet a few lights years from here that's not on your star chart. Sup with that?" Mon asked accusingly.
"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about," Imra denied.
"Then, you won't mind if I send a raiding party down there, do you?" Mon asked knowingly.
There was an awkward silence in the room. "P'Jem," Imra said finally.
"I reckon this place is under Titan jurisdiction?" Mon figured.
"It is a spiritual retreat, a remote sanctuary for peaceful meditation. It is a place where Titans purge their minds of thoughts and emotions collected by others through our telepathy," Imra explained.
"Sounds like we should give it a visit," Mon grinned.
"P'Jem is a place of quiet contemplation. I'm not sure an Insane diplomatic visit would be appropriate," Imra protested.
"That sounds racist," Eltro pointed out.
"It's not every day we fuck with Titan mocks. I say it's too good to pass up," Mon decided.
"I'll research the proper protocols," Imra sighed.
"Yeah, you go do that," Mon said, having no intention of reading them. "Dax, Imra will give you the coordinates to their secret spy base," he radioed.
"What the fuck?" Imra shook her head dismayed and then walked out.
Upon arriving, Mon, Eltro, and Imra entered the engine room where the shuttle was parked. "They better not know we're coming. This is a surprise attack," Eltro said to Imra.
"I couldn't warn them even if I wanted to. They can't be hailed. They consider electronic devices to be a distraction from their spiritual pursuits," Imra assured him.
"Yeah, bullshit. It's obvious this is a spy station. I want them surprised when they see us," Mon insisted.
"You're being paranoid. It's a monastery, nothing more," Imra told him off. "Now, these are the protocols. There will be an Elder. You should immediately speak to him and everyone else in the order first. If they appear to be meditating, approach them and make conversation. Also, be as obnoxious at all times and touch every artifact, relic, and ornamentation you see."
"Wait...what?" Eltro asked confused.
"Your reverse psychology isn't going to work on us, Imra. It's not the Insane way to fuck with people all the time. Just at the right moment. Is there any additional bullshit we need to know?" Mon asked impatiently.
"An Elder will give you a rock. Accept it," Imra concluded.
At the monastery, Mon, Eltro, and Imra sneaked up at the entrance. They found the door had already been busted in. "Looks like the purge has already started," Eltro grinned.
"It's thousands of years old. You can't expect it to be in pristine condition," Imra said defensively.
"We already took life sign readings of this place. There are four unknown alien lifeforms in this monastery. Their ki signature is also larger than the Titans present here," Mon revealed.
"Yes, well...," Imra frowned.
"And you telepathically knew that," Mon said obviously. "You trying to get us ambushed?"
"I find the situation just as disturbing as you do," Imra said sincerely.
"Disturbing that someone got to this place before we did," Mon said annoyed, and then pushed the doors open. Inside the monastery, one Elder was present to greet them.
Imra went over to the Elder to explain the situation. Mon scanned the room looking for any tactical advantage to the room. "The order must remain in silence throughout the Lunar cycle. They're not to be disturbed," Imra reported.
"Well...that's too fucking bad," Mon whispered to her.
"We should go and report our findings before we get ambushed," Imra suggested.
"Not until I get my rock," Mon insisted.
Imra turned to the Elder. "Your service honors us. We request an offering of the Jahkar Stone for my Insane guests."
"Please wait," the Elder rolled his eyes and then walked off.
"The Elder is agitated," Imra reported.
Mon eyed the room and saw a number of destroyed artifacts as if there was a recent scuffle. The Elder then returned with the case with the stone. "You know, I can't tell you how many monasteries I've been in across the galaxy. It's an old habit of mine to fuck with the monks before I blow up a planet. Sometimes, I'd take a few days to tour a monastery and just bask in the fear of those present, watch as they lose their composure, beg for their lives."
"What cause would you have for destroying our world?" the Elder asked.
"For one, it's messy," Eltro pointed out.
"Forgive the mess, sometimes the purge of foreign thoughts and emotions can result in some violence," the Elder excused. "Please, this is the stone of Jhakar. It represents all we believe, the control of one's thoughts and the purifying of one's identity."
Mon touched the rock and then noticed one of the alien intruders nearby. "Too bad we didn't bring a camera, huh?"
"You must leave now," the Elder said uncomfortably.
Mon and Eltro nodded to each other and then fired beams of light through a wall that stunned one of the alien intruders. Mon and Eltro took hold of the alien and slammed him down to the floor. Three additional alien intruders entered the room and aimed their hands at Imra. "Friends of yours?" Mon mocked the Elder. Mon and Eltro released the alien intruder off the floor as they were cornered.
The alien intruders led Mon, Eltro, Imra, and the Elder to a room filled with other Titan monks and students. "This is Garth Ranzz. He is a Winathian," Imra introduced. Garth appeared as a tall young man with blond spiky hair and blue eyes. The Winathians all appeared humanoid with dark rubber suits.
"You reading my mind?" Garth accused.
"Your reputation precedes you, Garth. You've attacked this monastery several times and found nothing," Imra mocked.
"Why did you come here?" Garth demanded of Mon.
"This planet was on our course. We only came here to visit the sanctuary," Mon told him.
"Liar. Are you a supply ship giving them more surveillance equipment?" Garth asked.
"We didn't bring shit," Mon said truthfully.
"You brought her," Garth pointed out.
"She's my science officer," Mon explained.
"The most powerful telepath the Titans have: Imra of House Ardeen. So, you're working with the Titans, whoever you are," Garth accused.
"I work for no one but me. She works for me, not the other way around," Mon stared him down. "Now, we only came down here out of curiosity but your interplanetary bullshit...has my attention. Now, what the fuck are you doing here?"
Garth smiled and then blasted Mon with lightning sending him against the wall. "He's telling the truth. We only came for a visit," Eltro said defensively.
"We scanned your ship from orbit. You're very well-armed for a visit," Garth said skeptically. "It's obvious this is far more than a sanctuary." The Winathians then exited the room, locking it as they left.
"The Winathians are volatile and suspicious in their nature. They come from a neighboring sector. Our two cultures have been in conflict for many years. They resent our telepathy and superior technology. They even believe we plan to mount an invasion of their homeworld...and they're not wrong," Imra explained.
Mon hissed in pain but then smiled. "That was some good juice right there."
"What do the Winathians want with this temple?" Eltro asked.
"They believe we're hiding a long-range sensor array to spy on them," the Elder said, giving nothing away.
"And they're not wrong," Mon figured.
"I've seen you in action. You can defeat them," Imra said to Mon.
"I want to see how this plays out," Mon declined.
"You endanger us all," Imra said peeved.
On the Nemo, Ol was now in charge on the bridge. He gathered Laurel and Dax around a sensor screen. "There it is. An alien ship near the monastery. It's not Titan," he pointed out.
"Maybe they're just some other visitors," Dax shrugged.
"Dax, you're naive as fuck," Ol chided. "Why haven't we received word from the landing party?"
"You can't expect them to call in every five minutes especially if it's a good 'ol Insane pillage and desecrate party," Laurel excused.
"Perhaps, we should change our procedures," Ol considered.
"I think you're overreacting. They're probably practicing some peaceful meditation ritual," Laurel said.
Instead, Mon was getting his ass beat by the Winathians. "Where is the sensor array?" Garth demanded of him.
"It's down a long tunnel deep underground underneath the monastery," Mon answered.
"What? Are you fucking with me?" Garth wondered.
"You wish," Mon mocked.
Garth blasted Mon to the floor with lightning for a few seconds. Mon laughed amused as his body twitched all over the place. "It would appear you Insane have emotions. Curious, you would have a Titan as your science officer."
"Believe me, she wasn't my first choice," Mon said dryly.
"Why a Titan?" Garth demanded.
"She was assigned to us by Titan High Command," Mon said vaguely.
"And you take orders from them?" Garth questioned.
"I am the Prince of all Insane. I take orders from no one," Mon told him off
Two Winathians entered the room. "We've checked the eastern towers and found nothing," they reported.
"Did you check the living quarters?" Garth asked.
"Not yet," they admitted.
"Then...what the fuck? Wouldn't that be the first place you would check?" Garth shouted at them. The two sheepishly left the room.
"Perhaps, if we decapitate one of those monks, the Insane may tell the truth?" Garth's XO suggested.
"Is that something you could live with?" Garth asked Mon.
"Absolutely. Go to town, got to town!" Mon encouraged. "Just allow me to watch when you do it."
Garth eyed Mon wondering if he was truly an asshole or using some kind of reverse psychology...or both. He shocked him again for good measure and then threw him back with the other hostages.
"These guys are fun," Mon smiled amused. "You should all...keep your mouths shut. Don't tell them anything."
"There's nothing to tell," the Elder insisted.
"Yeah, they're not buying it," Mon said obviously. "The Winathians have fried our communicators with their lightning. At some point, Ol is going to get bored and come down here. When he does, everyone is going to die."
"You're still holding back," Imra accused.
"And what's your malfunction?" Mon asked her.
"Winathian brains have electrical surges that disrupt my telepathy. I can't read or control their minds," Imra replied.
Mon and Eltro eyed each other with a smile. "Well, how about that?" Eltro said as an idea popped into his Insane brain.
"If Ol comes down here with a landing party, he will disrupt whatever power-play you're attempting here. He'll take all of your glory, or he may even take your ship and run," Imra reminded Mon.
"Good point. We must restore communications," Mon agreed. "Where's your radio transmitter?"
"We don't have one," the Elder insisted.
"Then, you won't mind if we take an enthusiastic walk through your catacombs?" Mon asked him.
The Elder's face fell at that. "It's this way," he said as he opened a secret passageway out of the room and into a tunnel system. "Eltro, make sure that radio is working and keep Ol at bay," Mon ordered him.
Inside the catacombs, the Elder and Eltro passed by some skeletons. "Creepy as fuck," Eltro said as he used his hand to light up the path before him. "What's down here?" he asked the Elder as he noticed a passageway that went deeper underground.
"It's where we store our most sacred relics," the Elder replied.
"Right," Eltro said skeptically.
"The transmitter is here," the Elder pointed out.
Eltro went to work on the radio by tearing it apart.
That night, the Winathians checked up on their prisoners with everyone accounted for. "There is one to spare," the Elder said, giving Mon a blanket.
"You tell me this now? It's already midnight," Mon chided. He then looked over at Imra. "We should share it together. It's only going to get colder."
"I need it more than you do. You can generate body heat with your ki," Imra told him off.
"And you can form a force shield around your body that warms up the air inside it," Mon countered.
"I'm not sleeping with you," Imra declined.
"Fine," Mon said as he placed the blanket over him. "You know, I have a solution to this problem."
"Does it involve a firefight in close quarters with all these monks?" Imra figured.
"No, you and the lead Winathian should hook up," Mon said boldly.
"What the fuck?" Imra wondered.
"Hear me out. He's the only one in the galaxy that you can't read his thoughts. It creates mystery. Women like mystery," Mon reasoned.
"He's an alien, my enemy, and he's holding us hostage," Imra pointed out.
"Maybe...just maybe...if you offer to sleep with him, he'll let us all go," Mon suggested.
"You have instant transmission. You could teleport us all out of here. Or you could subdue them. You're just fucking around," Imra said pissed off.
"You're freezing. Come on, sleep with me," Mon offered again.
"Fuck yourself," Imra refused.
"What if we slept butt-to-butt?" Mon suggested.
Imra rolled her eyes. "Fine," she relented.
"You know what I've noticed. These Winathians come by every so often, walk all over you, smash the place up, and then leave without a fight. Are these monks the type that don't have balls?" Mon asked rudely.
"We don't believe in starting another galactic war over something so trivial," Imra replied.
"In my experience, violence solves everything," Mon told her.
"Oh, I get it. You want things to get so bad that I snap and kill them all," Imra realized.
"No shit," Mon smirked. "I need to count on you to be able to kill mother-fuckers when necessary."
"Are you questioning my loyalty...," Imra asked offended.
"Yeah," Mon said obviously.
"To my people?" Imra clarified.
On the Nemo, Laurel finally got a signal from Eltro. "Nemo, this is Eltro. We've been taken hostage by Winathians."
"What do they want?" Ol asked.
"They seem to think this monastery is a spy station...and they're not wrong," Eltro replied. "The captain wants you to sit tight. He's got this."
"Fine, fuck it," Ol said and then signed off.
The next morning, the Winathians rudely woke everyone up. "I have some information," Mon said to Garth.
The Winathians took Mon out of the room into the atrium. "Spit it out," Garth ordered.
"Alright, the sensor array is down the catacomb tunnel, passed the relic rectory. Can't miss it," Mon told them.
"Why would he tell us the truth now?" Garth's XO doubted.
"Unless, of course, I knew that by telling you the truth, you would never believe it," Mon smirked.
Garth blasted Mon to the floor with lightning. "What did you really want to tell us?" Garth asked him as he was about to shock him again.
"My Titan science officer is hot. I could pair you up," Mon offered.
Garth blasted Mon with lightning so that he was squirming on the floor. "You dare!"
"What's your problem, man? Are you like...a homosexual or something?" Mon asked.
Garth shocked him again. "Oh, I get it. The females of your species look like men. Is that it? You got no dick?" Mon mocked. Garth blasted him with even greater intensity.
"You must enjoy pain," Garth figured as he sent continuous strikes of lightning all over Mon's body.
"Please...please...more juice, more juice!" Mon mocked as his body shook uncontrollably.
Garth stopped his torture and then motioned for his men to take Mon back to the hostage room. Suddenly the wall behind them exploded with an energy discharge. The four Winathians fell to the ground dumbfounded. Eltro emerged from the smoke and fired a beam at one of the Winathians dropping him. The second Winathian fired lightning at Eltro forcing him to take cover. The room became filled with energy beams and lightning streaks. Finally, the Winathians fled through the hole Eltro had made into the tunnel system.
Inside the hostage room, Imra telekinetically forced the Winathian's hands into fists so he couldn't fire and then choked him. With her hand outstretched, Imra waited for the Winathian to pass out and then dropped him. Mon and Eltro then entered the room. "Garth and one other fled into the tunnels," he reported. "Good work, the both of you."
"I hope you're pleased, Insane. You turned a place of solitude into a warzone," the Elder scolded.
Mon shed a grateful tear. "Damn, that's the greatest compliment I've ever received."
"Let's go," Imra said urgently as the Winathians were moving deeper into the tunnels.
Inside the tunnels, Imra took point as she felt for the Winathian presence. They finally reached the relic rectory. "Only members of the high order are allowed to go inside," Imra said to Mon and Eltro.
"Don't worry about it. I've already been down there," Mon assured her.
"The fuck?" Imra wondered.
The three entered the rectory and were immediately shot at. Mon, Eltro, and two Winathians fired at each other with their respective abilities causing the mass destruction of relics. Imra watched in silent dismay as the relics in the room were blasted apart and on fire. "Stop it!" Imra said finally and then telekinetically opened a vault door leading to...a large sensor array station.
The two Winathians, Mon, Eltro, and Imra eyed the large spying station. "Well...fuck me," Garth realized.
"I kept telling you the truth but you didn't want to listen," Mon chided.
"How did you know of this place?" Imra asked him.
"Eltro and I did a recon mission into this station before we took the shuttle with you. Let's just say the Titan scientists were surprised to see us," Mon said wide-eyed.
"If you kill the Winathians, it will be our little secret," Imra suggested.
"Sleep with him, then I'll kill him, and then we can have both things be our little secret," Mon countered.
"Excuse me. Fuck no," Garth refused. "I've seen enough. I've assessed the situation and I'm going home," he said pissed off but secretly delighted he was right all along. He then walked off back into the tunnels.
"You've just compromised Titan's security and our alliance. Kara is going to be so pissed with you," Imra said angrily.
"Or..or...or we just started the foundation for a beautiful friendship," Mon smiled.
Author's Notes: This would be the first appearance of Lightning Lad. Unlike many feel-good stories, I don't have him being an ally to Earth right off the bat. There are some additional issues that will need to be worked out. In this Enterprise episode, the crew failed to adequately recon on life signs in the sanctuary or scout out the surface of the planet where the Andorian ship could be clearly seen. I think anyone with a brain knew the Vulcans had a sensor array in the sanctuary from the very beginning. This raises all sorts of rules of engagement issues when a religious shrine is being used for military purposes.