Before you start reading. I would just like to inform you all that I was a really mediocre writer back then. Coming up with the dumbest ideas. I guess you can say the reason why I started writing again is some sort of redemption I suppose. Anyways as the title suggests, it's just Hikigaya talking back every time someone slights him. I loved the anime but not how he was treated in the first season, nor did I like his past being bullied by his classmates being a victim of it myself to a lesser extent. Anyways I hope you enjoy my story.

Chapter 1: What did I get myself into

To whatever cosmic deity that watched my life play out in a nutshell, you must be wondering? How? How could a young 16 year teenager? With so much promise and youth on his side be reduced to this? Standing before his beautiful and overly-violent otaku of a teacher? Her glare so fierce even the bravest of soldiers would soil themselves in fear. What offence could have been so great to land himself in such a precarious situation? Well...it all started with an essay.

"So Hikigaya. Care to explain?"

I nervously looked away as the violent she-beast I call my Homeroom Sensei glared at me, eyeing me dangerously as a rabid dog would to a piece of dangling meat. What went wrong I wonder? I did as she asked, I like the strangers I share a classroom with wrote an essay about looking back on our high school life although it made no sense considering we were only in our second year? Did I offend her somehow? Did I accidentally use the words 'single' or 'old'? Then again her temper was considerably worse when compared to last year so her range of trigger words may have widened.

'Ah, couple, I used the word couple in my essay...' I lamented, still refusing to meet the eye of the spinster whose glare has evolved from that of a rabid dog to one of cerberus's 3 heads. 'Well I can't stay quiet forever, she looks ready to devour me whole if I continue to avoid eye contact.'

"Well? Are you just going to keep looking at your imaginary girlfriend or will you finally explain this sorry travesty you call an essay?"

Really? she's mocking my single life? I'm a 16 year old loner but at least I have a few friends from the opposite gender. You're nearing your thirties and still aren't able to even find a male acquaintance. I've seen your Facebook account grandma, your friends list is the second saddest thing I've seen in my life. My father's expired gym membership he only used 1 time being the first of course.

'Actually come to think of it I wouldn't call Kaori a friend. More like some girl that pitied me. Well, no point in thinking about that right now. Might as well just address the elephant in the room which for once isn't my father.'

"Well...Hiratsuka-Sensei, I did as you asked." I tried to defend myself. "You told me to write an essay about looking back on our high school life and I did do just that. I don't see the problem?"

"I know your eyes are rotten kid but I never thought Hikki-19 would spread to your brain as well!"

"Sensei did you really just compare me to the coronavirus?"

"Both things make people sick after all, don't they?"

I'm not even a person anymore, just a thing...Really helping with my self confidence there Sensei. Although I will admit, Hikki-19 is a bit unoriginal when compared to Hikkigerma.

"That's a bit harsh don't you think Sensei?" I asked as she looked at me in disbelief. As if I was Light proclaiming that I would rid the world of all evil. Honestly it's these reasons alone that led to you being single even with your good looks. You're nearing your thirties, act your age. How am I the mature one in this conversation? "Besides, as I said earlier on I just wrote an essay about our high school life like you told us to."

"If that was the case we wouldn't be having this conversation brat." Hiratsuka-Sensei sneered. Taking out a cigarette and lighting a smoke.

And she wonders why she's single? She makes sailors look like boy scouts.

"Alright, then point out the issues with my essay? Don't leave me in suspense."

"Don't sass me you little punk. As for the issues...Well where do I begin?" She sarcastically said, flipping to page 3 of my essay. "Ah there it is. In my opinion? Romance is a joke. And as for anyone who gets into a relationship in high school? You're all most likely dying old and alone."

Oh I think I can see the problem now. 3 trigger words at the end. Must have touched a nerve there.

"Look Sensei I'm sorry if the last part offended you, but it's the truth. If you get into a relationship in high school you are most likely dying old and alone. Granted you were single your entire life so the last bit doesn't really app-"

I didn't even get to finish my sentence as I had to dodge a punch so fast I could have sworn the sound barrier nearly broke. *Snort*, she's way stronger than any sailor as well.

"Nice punch, black belt in Karate?" I asked, her fist still outstretched where my face used to be.

"Yeah. I guess you weren't lying when you said you knew Muay Thai."

"Skill number 38 of my 108 skills. Muay Thai, Effective against wild animals, especially a single middle aged she-beast." I replied, muttering the last bit to myself of course. I already caused her to initiate stage 3 of her four stages of fury. If it ever reached stage 4? Well, I hope Komachi deletes my computer's search history.

"And you call me sad and single." She bitterly chuckled, lowering her fist and going back to her seat. "Meanwhile you say you have 108 skills, bet you remember them all too. Tell me something sadder than that?"

"I have a list of things." I replied, returning to my normal posture.

"Well is there a skill for not pissing off your pitiful Sensei?"

"Skill number 79. Although I admit I neglect that one too often."

We both share a chuckle for a moment, wondering what went wrong with our lives as she continued.

"Anyways, ignoring what happened just now lets go back to your essay. Honestly I'm impressed."

"You are? I thought you were furious with me for it."

"Oh I was pissed brat, but impressed. After all I found myself subconsciously dialing 110 (The Japanese police number fyi) after reading your essay last night."

"You're supposed to read my essay not take it out on a romantic date."

"You're lucky you're fast brat otherwise I'd have a second swing at you." Hiratsuka-Sensei sighed. Looking at me with a strange mix of annoyance and pity.

Here we go. The most iconic lines of my high school life, let's see if I remember them word for word.

"Who hurt you Hikigaya? What kind of 16 year old acts like this? And will you stop copying me?" We both say at the same time. Why does she always use that line? She should be more creative next time, it's just flat out repetitive by this point.

"Maybe next time come up with something else?" I suggested, my sarcasm clear as day. "Honestly by this point you're a broken record Sensei."

She shoots a glare that lasts for a few seconds although it felt more like I was trapped in a Genjutsu every time she gave me that look. Seriously how does she make a few second feel like a few hours when she gives someone that look?

"Well you improving yourself will probably fix this broken record. Especially your attitude kid."

"No one can change who I am Sensei, don't bother trying." I replied, earning another sigh. "Look if it cheers you up I'll pull an all-nighter and hand in another essay by 3p.m. sharp the next day. How does that sound?"

"Please don't." Hiratsuka-Sensei said. "I'll just give you an A and put your paper under all the other normal essays, I nearly called the police to file a terrorist report I don't want to contact Homeland security next. As for the all-nighter bit? Here's a piece of advice, 8 hours of sleep. You look dead as it is. I don't need you to look like a zombie outright."

"Flattering Sensei." I said, she really knows how to improve my self-esteem. "But all jokes aside, does that mean you're letting me off the hook?"

"Of course not." She gets up and motions me to follow. "I'm gonna get you that help you desperately need."

I just let out a sigh and nod at her, forcing my body to trail behind her while my mind tried to figure out what 'ingenious' plan she had for me next.