Lily was always a perfectionist.
Her parents were both doctors, and growing up, Lily was reminded nearly daily how important her education was. She and Petunia were only allowed to attend the best schools. And even at a young age, it was clear how bright Petunia was. She seemed to be good at everything their parents wanted her to be good at, and Lily admired her for it. Petunia wasn't just her sister, but her closest friend, her mentor. Although they were only two years apart, Lily knew she wanted to be just like Tuney when she was older.
As Lily began learning to read, she was diagnosed with dyslexia. Her mom was a psychiatrist, and she caught onto Lily's symptoms quickly. The dyslexia was easy to catch, but her mom was wary. She knew that more often than not, people with one disability would exhibit symptoms of another. The dyslexia was easy to alleviate with a specialized tutor, and Lily soon began reading alongside the other kids. She would spend hours reading, just practicing, long after the rest of her family had gone to bed. She would practice until the letters began floating off the pages again, and drift off, a book still open by her side.
Her reading was good enough, but it wasn't good enough for Lily. Her parents weren't pushing her as hard as they were pushing Petunia. They never said it, but it was as though they had lowered their expectations for Lily. Petunia was the smart one – but Lily wasn't quite ready to accept that.
She read throughout elementary school, and she was never able to stop unless she was at the end of a chapter. Then, once she was done, she'd file the book away neatly in the study, checking to make sure that everything else was alphabetized as well. Sometimes, her mom watched as she organized, biting her lip, the same way she would when she was nervous. But Lily didn't pay too much attention to it. She was doing much better in school, and she was finally being put in the gifted classes. Her parents praised her endlessly, and she noticed Petunia's jealousy when they did so.
She was nine when she met Severus.
He was her answer to all the odd things that had happened to Lily, and all the odd things that Lily could make happen. She had a particular affinity for flowers, just like her mom, and it was the only thing she learned to control before Hogwarts. She could make flowers bloom by touching them, just a little sooner than they were ready. She could pick one up off of the ground and will it to open and close its petals.
Severus explained everything to her, and they became best friends because of it. Despite Petunia telling her that it was all a lie, Lily believed him. Her parents doubted him too, until they received a visit from somebody at the Ministry, Hogwarts letter in hand. Quite possibly, they were just relieved that Lily wasn't mad. The Ministry visit was standard procedure for Muggle-borns, and was well equipped to answer all the typical questions. But even this one seemed overwhelmed by just how many questions Lily's parents had for her.
Lily's parents always had a healthy sense of curiosity and a love of learning, and this was a whole new world for them to discover and consume. They were eager to learn as much as they could, but there was one person who wasn't so thrilled about it all. Lily was just as excited as her parents, but through it all, she couldn't help feeling that Tuney was slipping further and further away from her. By the time she left, she couldn't even remember back to when she was younger, and had looked up to Petunia.
At Hogwarts, Lily was sorted into Gryffindor, where she roomed with two other girls that she became best friends with, Marlene McKinnon and Mary Macdonald. She had a fond habit of giving people she loved nicknames – Tuney, Sev – and she called the pair of them M&M for short. They were like family to her, and by the end of their first year, the trio had become inseparable.
Given their personalities, it was a bit unlikely how close they became. Lily was studious and deliberate, Marlene was argumentative and nonconforming, and Mary was reckless and flirtatious. But they stayed roommates for the rest of their time together at Hogwarts, sharing a triple until they were given a suite available to only sixth and seventh year students. What they also shared was an unwavering moral compass and a commitment to make the world a better place, and that was what kept them together.
With them, Lily survived Hogwarts.
She endured Slytherins calling her the m-word, and some of her peers assuming she wasn't very good at magic, just because she was Muggle-born. She endured Petunia's growing jealousy and dislike, just because she was a witch. She felt the confusion from being caught between two worlds, of having to hide her magic from Muggles and even her own sister in one world, while being resented for being Muggle-born in the other. She wasn't quite sure where she belonged in all of it, and it was a terrifying feeling for her.
She felt the pain of losing the Tuney she could call her friend, but still worked desperately to fix the relationship, to salvage what was left of it. She endured her best friend calling her the m-word, and she felt the pain of ending her longest friendship, of saying goodbye to Severus. She endured a chronic pain problem that grew increasingly serious with each passing year. She endured endless, wasted hours of syncing up her clocks, straightening her things, and doing things in threes.
But it was her final year now, and Lily was determined to try to enjoy it. With more longing than she expected, Lily watched as Platform Nine and Three Quarters disappeared out of view, for the last time. She turned her gaze from outside the train, back to the compartment she was sharing with Mary and Marlene.
" – so I should be set for the year," Mary was saying. She raised an eyebrow at Lily, noticing that she had her attention again. "Nice of you to join us. Lost in a daydream about Potter?"
Lily gave her a wry smile. Mary was dressed obstinately in her usual Muggle clothing, having long ago dismissed wizarding clocks as shapeless frocks.
"How did you know? Next up, I'll be daydreaming about becoming a Death Eater," Lily shot back playfully.
"Stay tuned," Marlene added, with all the upbeat energy of a newscaster. She had cut all her hair off over the summer, drawing more attention to her facial features, and her dark, unblemished complexion.
"How were the rest of your summers?" Lily asked, a small smile on her face. She had just seen Mary and Marlene two weeks ago for dinner in London, but she knew that those last weeks were formative. These were the last days before they went to Hogwarts, graduated, and then were expected to become functioning adults in the real world.
"Got into a crazy amount of fights with my parents, trying to convince them to let me sit in on Order meetings," Marlene said, sounding defeated. "They won't tell me anything until I graduate. You have no idea what it's like, all of it happening right under my nose, in my own home, and I don't get to know a damn thing."
"I'm surprised," Mary said. "I figured that your parents, of all people, would let you join. Especially now that you're seventeen."
"They'll let me join after I graduate. But they said I'm still in too close proximity with the Slytherins," Marlene said bitterly. "It's still not safe here, or whatever. What could be safer than Hogwarts, with Dumbledore here? They used to say that I could join once I turned seventeen."
"Do you think something's changed?" Mary asked slowly, narrowing her eyes a bit. "What if they know something that you don't, and that's why they changed their mind?"
"Like what?" Lily asked curiously. "It does seem weird to me that your parents are keeping you in the dark, but you know them best. Maybe it's just something small, like Dumbledore won't be at the school as much, because of the Order. That would make Hogwarts less safe."
"No, I don't think that would be enough. Maybe You-Know-Who let a current student become a Death Eater. They're infiltrating Hogwarts," Mary suggested. "I mean, you could always ask them."
"Not through owl, I can't," Marlene said, sighing in frustration. "They're being more careful than usual. I mean, my brother knew more about their desegregation work a decade ago than I know now about their work with the anti-rebellion. And he was younger than I am now. So, maybe you are onto something."
"Magical desegregation in America wasn't as dangerous as this, though," Lily said, although some uncertainty had crept into her voice. "Right?" she asked, waiting for Marlene to confirm.
"In theory, you're right," Marlene said. "But they were also part of Muggle desegregation. That was way more dangerous. The American Ministry was pissed that they were taking part."
"Why were they mad?" Mary asked.
"They just don't think it's any of their business," Marlene said, shrugging. "They also know that it's dangerous, and they think when cornered, witches and wizards will always use magic, so it's a ticking time bomb. It's a fair point, but the fact that they were blackmailing my parents to stop, that's not okay."
"Well, it's okay," Lily said encouragingly. "We'll all be able to join in a couple months, anyways."
"That's true," Marlene said, but she didn't seem assuaged by this. Noticing that Lily was toying with her Head Girl badge, Marlene changed the subject.
"So who's Head Boy?" Marlene asked, nodding at the badge.
"I don't actually know," Lily admitted. "The letter didn't say. I figured it'd be Lupin or Fenwick. Maybe Edgar, but I hope to god it's not my ex. I might actually go try to find Lupin or Fenwick and see."
"It's got to be one of them," Marlene said, very matter-of-factly. "Dumbledore won't have picked somebody who isn't progressive. Not this year, at least. There's too much going on."
"I'm going to go find Lupin," Lily said, getting up. "You two coming?"
"Amelia and Charity wanted me to see if Potter and company are having a party tonight," Mary said, standing up. "So I'll come." Despite how close the three of them were, Lily and Marlene didn't accompany Mary to parties quite as much as Mary would have liked. So Mary had found another duo to go with, two girls in Ravenclaw who didn't have any qualms with the Marauders.
"Well, I may as well come along for the ride," Marlene said. Together, the three of them went down the rows of compartments until they spotted the four blokes towards the back of the train. Lily slid the door open and gave a customary but lackluster smile, taking a couple steps into the compartment. Mary walked past her to sit by Sirius, as Marlene leaned against the doorframe.
"Lupin, how are you?" Lily asked brusquely, before anybody else could say anything. She seemed to be trying to avoid having a conversation, and Remus picked up on it.
"I'm good," he said easily, although he didn't look too well. His gaze fell to the badge on her robes."Congratulations on Head Girl."
"Thanks," Lily said, pausing. "I was actually wondering if you know who Head Boy is," she said slowly, trying to be tactful in case Remus hadn't gotten the position.
Remus glanced at James for a second or two before turning back to Lily. "I didn't get it," Remus said slowly. The way he spoke sounded as though he wasn't quite finished with his sentence, but he stopped anyway. After waiting another moment for him to speak, Lily filled the silence.
"Oh," Lily said, looking disappointed. "I'm sorry to hear that. It's their loss, I really figured it would have been you. I'm going to go find Fenwick, I'm guessing if – "
"Fenwick's not Head Boy, either," Remus interrupted.
This time, as he spoke, he was looking straight at James, but James's gaze was fixed on Lily. James turned to the rest of the compartment, realizing with a start that everybody had followed Remus's gaze to him. He cleared his throat, looking embarrassed. Remus was clearly giving him an opening to tell Lily himself.
"Um, actually, Dumbledore gave me the badge," James said, showing her the badge on his robe. He watched Lily's expression carefully, seeing surprise, confusion, and then irritation play over her face. He was rather familiar with the last one.
"Very funny," she said, rolling her eyes. It had just been some orchestrated prank that they were doing, Lupin giving his badge to Potter. She turned back to Lupin. "Okay, so I actually wanted to meet – "
"I'm really, really not Head Boy," Remus said. He was looking at Lily, trying to convey as genuine of a tone as possible. "All jokes aside."
"Jokes aside?" Sirius murmured. "I don't remember agreeing to this."
Everybody ignored him.
Lily was staring at James in open mouthed disbelief, her green eyes narrowed.
"I can show you the letter, if you don't believe me," James said awkwardly.
"But you're not even a prefect!" Lily said, in disbelief. "I don't understand – so many detentions – missed assignments – did you even fill out an application?" Her voice had gotten increasingly louder as she began to wrestle with the idea that she might have to work with James Potter all year.
"Well, yeah," James said. "I had to, right? I had some good ideas for the interview, too." He seemed to be regaining some of his confidence now, despite the fact that Lily seemed so upset that she wasn't even speaking coherently. "Didn't realize you were paying so much attention to my detentions and missed assignments, Evans."
It was an attempt to lighten the mood, but Lily did not take it well. She just blinked at him for a moment, sputtering, "I can't… believe – " before turning around and leaving. Marlene was instantly on her heels, following her out before the door even closed.
"Well, that's my cue, too," Mary said, getting up. Peter was thumping James sympathetically on the back, encouraging him that she would come around eventually. As Mary reached the doorway, she turned back to look at Sirius and Remus.
"You guys are having a party tonight, right?"
Sirius shrugged. "Sure, why not? That sounds like fun."