A/N: This has been in my head for a bit and I decided to write it out. I also saw the idea for Stede's new name on tumblr and I don't remember where I saw it or who it was from so I'm sorry if I used your idea! I just thought it was perfect and something Stede would do. I also don't expect the reunion to happen in this way but this is what fanfiction is for right? I hope you enjoy!
Ed mentally checked where the weapons on his person were as he trudged towards the beach. He wasn't sure what to expect from this mysterious Captain Edwards.
He was intrigued by the mystery of the messages he'd been receiving, feeling something besides anger and despair for the first time in a long time. It was the only reason he'd agreed to meeting him alone - he wanted to dive into danger, unleash the Kraken on some poor stupid bastard who thought they could face him alone.
He spotted the silhouette of a figure of a man standing on the beach and his hand twitched at his side, a hint of a wicked smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, adrenaline pulsing through his body.
As he took a few steps closer, the figure became clearer, and though he was facing away from him, he froze, his breath getting knocked out of him.
The figure had very familiar blonde hair and an even more familiar build. The outline of a man who occupied his nightly dreams and waking thoughts.
Stede.
He felt sick, like his whole world stopped spinning for a moment and then completely overturned.
Stede Stede Stede.
It wasn't possible, he reminded himself and the deep visceral grief gripped at his heart again.
Stede was dead.
The news had reached him on some stupid port by a stupid random pirate, and Izzy gloated, and it was the hardest thing he ever had to do to pretend he didn't care.
It took days to feel even remotely human again. He hadn't slept because his nights were the only time he could mourn. He had stared at the lighthouse painting, clutched the bit of black fabric that he wore around his neck - the only things that remained of Stede Bonnet - and each time he lost that little bit more of his heart.
And he cursed his damned, stupid imagination for placing the image in his mind now, just when he was beginning to believe Stede could be left behind him.
He gritted his teeth and took a few deep breaths to steal his nerves, push Edward Teach back down. He didn't want to deal with Edward Teach and his stupid feelings.
"Captain Edwards I presume?" He called out casually to the man as he stepped out further onto the sand, one hand ready on his weapon. He was ready for a fight, aching for it, dying to rip something to shreds instead of the pain that Stede's memory brought.
The man turned around and his world came crashing down.
From behind he could easily have made the mistake, but not when the man fully turned toward him, greeting him with those wide, kind eyes and a hesitant smile.
"Hello Ed." Stede's voice was gentle, wistful, hopeful and simultaneously the most beautiful and painful thing he'd ever heard.
Ed couldn't move, didn't dare move, for if he moved he might just completely shatter. Stede had appeared to him many times in his dreams, nightmares and occasionally even the lowest moments when he hallucinated him there in the room with him.
Yet he had never been this real. His face was so clear and perfect, his voice so resounding.
It took what seemed like forever until Ed felt himself breathing again but his chest burned, ached, constricted.
"You're dead." He spoke in shock and Stede briefly raised his brow.
"Oh, you heard that? I didn't think it'd get so far." Stede rubbed the back of his neck and Ed watched his every movement, every muscle as it worked to bring his arm from his side to over his shoulder. For some goddamn reason it was absolutely mesmerizing. "It was a fuckery, Ed.I faked my death."
Stede Stede Stede.
The bloody insufferable man was smiling at him, his eyes lighting up with pride.
Somewhere deep down he knew Ed Teach would have been proud of him. A fuckery where he faked his death. It was absolutely brilliant.
But for the last several weeks Ed Teach had been buried, left only to surface in the darkest moments when he couldn't hold it in any longer. And he refused to let him surface now.
Shock still pulsing through him, he tried to process the fact that Stede was real and alive and standing before him.
A growl rumbled in his throat and he closed his eyes, for only a mere moment allowing the pressure and sting of tears to form and then pushed it back and let the Kraken take hold.
His eyes were cold and dark when he reopened them and though he looked in Stede's direction, he couldn't look directly at him.
"Get the fuck out of here, Bonnet. I'm not here for you." His voice was deep, low and barely recognizable even to his own ears and Stede's face reflected his own surprise.
He had to be cold, had to be cruel and distant because if he wasn't, he'd give in. He'd give in and run the remaining distance between them, take Stede in his arms and never let him go again. But he couldn't do that - he couldn't allow himself to do that.
"Yes," Stede nodded quietly and Ed's hand twitched at his side as he moved, taking a small step forward, "Captain Edwards right?"
Ed's eyes narrowed. "You know him?"
"I am him." Stede answered with another proud little smile and Ed's hand gripped tight at his pistol, just to keep his hand from shaking as the wave of realization swept over him.
It had been Stede the whole damn time. The one thing that made him feel something good since Stede had left and it was still him. His stomach lurched and he dug his fingernails into his palm to curb the feeling.
"I had to fake my death." Stede continued. "Stede Bonnet for all intents and purposes doesn't exist. So I took up a new mantle."
"Captain…Edwards." He hadn't put it together before, the connection to his own name. The past few weeks he was trying to forget that Edward Teach existed, pushing his humanity down so the Kraken could live and thrive. Not even Izzy called him Edward anymore - always Captain, or Blackbeard.
"After you." Stede confirmed and his chest constricted so tightly he thought it might just rip him in two. His voice was so gentle, caring, his eyes full of warmth and affection and Ed's stomach turned again.
How dare he look at him like that?
"I have nothing to say to you." His voice deepened once again, the Kraken front and center as Ed desperately fought to keep afloat inside of him. He slowly turned and began to walk away, his anger driving him forward, the roar of his pounding heart in his ears.
"Edward, please let me explain." Stede's voice was desperate, pleading as it called after him.
Ed stopped, gritted his teeth and then whirled around furiously. "I don't have to let you do shit." He growled and Stede held up his hands in front of him, putting some distance between them as Ed walked furiously toward him.
"You fucking left me!"
Suddenly he was back in that dock, his pain raw and real, climbing its way out as the perpetrator stood before him.
"And now you lure me here to do what exactly?"
"To apologize."
"I don't want to hear it." Ed sneered though his heart was screaming at him otherwise. Of course he wanted to hear it, he wanted an explanation from the moment he realized Stede was not going to show but he was afraid of the answer. Afraid of the truth. He buried his hurt under his anger and he didn't want to dredge it back up but it was quickly bubbling its way back up the surface.
"It was never my intention to hurt you, Ed." Stede said softly, his eyes round and full of remorse.
"Oh fuck off." Ed bit out and turned away from him, running a hand through his hair. He took the moment facing away from Stede to get control of his breath which was growing more and more labored by the second. His heart was in his throat, his body shaking.
"I know you don't want to hear it but please let me explain. I don't want to make excuses, there aren't any that are sufficient enough, but I do owe you an explanation."
Ed turned his head slowly to look at him, his eyes narrowed. His heart was pounding wildly, his stomach twisted uncomfortably. He wasn't sure if he was ready for whatever Stede was about to tell him but he longed for it anyway.
"I was going to meet you as I promised." Stede began and Ed scoffed. "I was…to, at the very least, tell you that I…I couldn't go, and I don't know what my plan was but it wasn't that."
"So what the fuck happened? Where did you go? Why did you…" leave me ..
Stede was quiet for a moment, shrinking slightly under Ed's intense stare and he looked down, his boot toeing regretfully at the sand.
"I went back to Mary."
Ed's heart plummeted. "Your wife?"
"Yes," Stede breathed and looked up at him desperately, "but it's not for the reason you're thinking."
"You don't know what I'm thinking." Ed snapped coldly.
"Well, I imagine from your perspective it appears as though I left you to go back to my wife."
His eyes narrowed, rage and hurt pulsing through his veins." You just told me that's what happened."
"Well yes, but also no…I…" Stede sighed heavily and closed his eyes tightly. Ed watched silently as he struggled with his words and found some kind of sick, twisted pleasure in watching him squirm.
"I was doing a lot of thinking about your offer but before I could do anything with my own thoughts initially on the matter, Badminton found me, put a gun to my head and led me out into the woods."
Ed's body froze and he blinked quietly. No matter how angry he was at Stede, the thought of him in mortal danger, fresh on the heels of having just gotten him back, was heart wrenching.
"What?" He hissed.
Stede licked his lips and nodded, bowing his head. "He told me that I destroyed Mary's life, my children's lives, and your life. That I was a plague and a monster who defiled beautiful things."
Despite his anger, Ed felt a tightening in his stomach at the words because they couldn't have been further from the truth. Stede made beautiful things, and yet…"You believed him?"
Stede nodded again, closing his eyes for a moment. "It's everything I've been telling myself my entire life and he affirmed it and he was right. I had done terrible things, especially to my family. And then you…" he raised his hand and extended it towards Ed with a sigh. "Gave up everything…" he finished in a hushed voice. "I thought, without me, you'd have a chance."
"A chance? A chance at what?'
Stede's eyes lifted to his. "Getting your life back."
Ed's lips twitched. "I didn't want my life back." As he said the words, he realized how true they were and the words felt ripped out of his heart, painfully through his chest as it all came rushing out. "For fuck's sake, I told you I didn't want it." His voice cracked in emotions he was struggling to hold back.
Stede pressed his lips together, his brow furrowing. "But you did go back."
"You gave me no other choice!" He took a few quick advancing steps towards Stede, anger flaring inside him. Stede's eyes widened and he straightened up but didn't move, keeping a steady eye on him.
"I tried being just Ed, thought I could get through it, move on but just Ed got his heart broken all alone on a fucking dock so yes, Stede, I did go back because it was all I had."
"You have every right to be angry with me." Stede said and his voice and face were serious and calm. "I don't fault you for that but Ed…" he shook his head and met his eyes and there was just a spark of anger beneath the surface, "You had no right to take it out on my crew."
Ed's face softened a little bit, his heart dropping into his stomach. He had forgotten, purposely drove it out of his mind, though they often also appeared in his guilt-fueled nightmares.
"They had done nothing, were nothing but kind to you, they were trying to help you and you left them for dead!"
"That was fucked up." He admitted regretfully. "I know that. I just…" he sighed and shook his head. "I didn't want any reminders of you…of…who I was with you, and they were…you."
"Lucius told me everything." Stede said quietly and Ed's eyes lifted to his.
"He's alive." He whispered.
"He is." Stede nodded, his eyes narrowed, cold and angry.
"He barely survived and was more than half dead when we found him but yes, he's alive."
Ed pressed his lips together. "Sorry." And he was. From the moment he decided on it, he felt regret and swallowed it, pushed it deep down along with all the other just Ed feelings he didn't want anymore.
"It isn't me you have to apologize to." Stede said simply. "But I can relay the message."
Ed just stared, he and Stede locked in a high intensity stare, the tension rolling off them in waves. It felt wrong to be this way with one another. From the moment they had met things were easy and natural between them but now everything had changed and neither of them were sure of the way through it.
Finally, Ed broke the silence by clearing his throat and trying to shrug off the tension, the hurt, the anger. "So, he told you what exactly?" He wondered, already knowing the answer. Lucius had been there to coax him out of the first few days of his post-Stede depression. He had offered him kindness, love, and comfort.
Stede's face softened into a mournful frown. "He told me how you came back to The Revenge, how upset you were, how he took care of you…"
"Fucker." Ed cursed and turned away, running a hand over his face. He didn't want Stede to know how badly he had been hurt. He wanted Stede to know he was angry, betrayed but that he was able to reduce him to that state? How could Stede go back to his life with his wife and children, leaving Ed pathetically alone waiting for him?
"I'm sorry, Ed." Stede's voice was soft again, regretful. "I truly am. I needed some time to work things out for myself but I shouldn't have left the way I did. I honestly believed that you'd be better off without me, that I'd just destroy your life even more than I already had and I didn't think…" he trailed off with a small sigh and Ed braved a look over to him, holding his breath as he waited for Stede to finish his thought.
"I didn't realize you cared that much."
"Are you fucking kidding?" His voice was suddenly raw with pain. How could he not see? How could he not know, when Ed had bared his very heart and soul to him?
"I kissed you! I told you that you make me the happiest I've ever been in my entire fucking life. I came back for you, to be with you, to save you! Jesus what else so I need to do to prove that I fucking care, Stede?"
"Nothing." Stede breathed, his eyes wide, as he shook his head and started to approach him again. Ed took an equal step back, giving him a warning glance and Stede froze, his hands extended out toward him. "Nothing, Ed oh…no it's not you. It was all me. Me and my stupid insecurities. I've never been cared about that way before and I was led to believe that I couldn't be…"
"That's a bunch of bull shit." Ed cut him off sharply and the words flowed out of him before he could stop them, "You're so fucking lovable it's insane."
Stede's stomach flipped at the word love. He wasn't sure Ed quite meant it that way, his emotions were running high, but he knew he meant the sentiment behind it at least and this time he did believe him.
"Don't look at me like that." Ed snapped, his eyes once again burning with unshed tears as he realized he once again let himself be vulnerable.
"Sorry…" Stede dropped his gaze but only for a moment and then his eyes slowly trailed back up to him in such a way that completely melted his heart. "I can't quite help it."
Ed groaned and rolled his eyes, throwing his hands up.
"Fucking hell Stede…I don't know if I want to punch you, or kiss you!"
Stede's eyes widened for a moment and the corners of his lips twitched up. He considered this for a moment and then lifted his shoulders.
"You could do both." He offered quietly but sincerely and Ed froze, turning to look at him and raising his brow.
"You want me to hit you?"
"I don't particularly enjoy the thought of being punched…I've seen you hit people and it doesn't look pleasant." His eyes flickered down to Ed's arms, where his muscles were taut with tension. He cleared his throat and lifted his head. "But I know it's the least of what I deserve and if it will make you feel better…even just a bit…"
Ed slowly turned to face him fully, his jaw tightening as he stared at him silently.
"Would it make you feel better?"
"Suppose so." Ed shrugged but his fingers twitched, ached with the need for it. Part of him didn't want to hurt Stede under any circumstances but another part of him, the much louder part at the moment, said he very much did. He wanted Stede to hurt like he hurt, he wanted to take it all out on him.
Stede took a breath and brought himself up to his full height and Ed's stomach turned uncomfortably. God he looked good.
He was hesitant because he did expect to be punched in the face, but also confident, determined to take it to right his wrongs. He held himself differently now. He was still the same old Stede in a lot of ways, but also different too.
His attraction to him only fueled the fire burning within him. He was attracted to Stede, very much so, so much so that he let his guard down, he opened his heart to him and Stede had left him.
His fist balled up at the thought as the anger and hurt swelled anew.
"Whenever you're rea-" Stede barely had time to get the words out before Ed launched forward, swiftly, sharply, his teeth gritted and his fist collided with Stede's jaw.
Stede yelped and stumbled back, flying to the sand below.
Ed shook out his fist, bouncing on his heels with the pent up energy he had just released and watched in satisfaction as Stede's hand flew to his now aching jaw.
"Good lord." Stede blinked, his head reeling and he pulled back his hand to check for blood.
There was no blood but it certainly would leave a nice bruise.
"Wasted no time did you." Stede said lightly, rubbing at his jaw again with a groan and Ed shrugged.
"You asked me to."
Stede looked up at him and the anger that had been burning in him before suddenly melted. Not completely gone but simmered to a barely flickering ember.
Stede's hair fell over his forehead, his brown eyes staring up at him with such genuine affection, it continued to cool the raging fire within.
He smiled softly, sadly and nodded once. "Yes, I did." He lowered his hand down to his lap and tilted his head. "Did it help?"
Ed nodded. "Yeah, it did."
"Good."
Warmth and affection pooled in his belly as he watched Stede grimace against the pain in his jaw and then shake it off.
He groaned once more quietly and then shifted in the sand in an attempt to get up and Ed was struck by another very impulsive action.
He crossed the distance between them and Stede whipped his head up, his eyes widening and he froze as Ed approached him, eyes blazing.
Stede swallowed thickly, his lips parting slightly and then his eyes closed tightly as he prepared himself for another hit.
Ed instead dropped to his knees between Stede's outstretched legs. His bad knee screamed in protest but he ignored it.
His breathing was growing more ragged at having Stede so close. His eyes welled with tears he could no longer fight and he gazed at the man before him. His hand still tingled from when he had struck him but it was that reminder that Stede was alive, he was real and he was right in front of him.
"Look at me." He demanded, his voice cracking and Stede obeyed, opening his eyes and then held his breath at how close Ed was.
He said nothing but his brow furrowed and he shook his head.
Ed's face scrunched up and blinked past the tears clouding his vision of Stede.
Stede frowned at him and acting upon instinct, he raised his hand to Ed's face. Ed flinched at the contact but didn't pull away, his lips trembling as he started Stede right in the eyes.
Ed hated how he couldn't stop the tears, he hated how gentle and affectionate Stede's touch was against his cheek as he wiped away the falling tears. But he loved it too, oh how he loved it…how he loved having Stede in front of him, alive and well, looking back at him like he truly did care.
"I'm sorry, Ed…" Stede whispered and his voice caused Ed's heart to summersault inside his chest. "I'm so sorry." He had said it before and he would say it again, as many times as Ed needed to hear it.
"Fuck you, Stede." Ed whispered back, in a way that was anything but hostile.
Then without another word, he grabbed a hold of Stede's shirt and brought Stede's mouth to his in a crushing kiss.
He was gentle with Stede the first time but he didn't give a shit about being gentle now. He still wanted to hurt him in some way but he also wanted more - the passion, the anger, the hurt, the love he felt for this man, he wanted to pour it all in.
Stede made a surprised noise in the back of his throat and his lips parted allowing Ed to take that much more.
Stede's hands moved from his face to his hair as he finally gave in and reciprocated, pressing his mouth into Ed's.
Tears rolled freely down Ed's cheeks as he dug his fingers into Stede's shoulders, his eyes squeezing tightly. He felt so much - anger and hurt at the reminder of Stede's betrayal, relief that Stede was alive, the burning desire for him, all flooding over him in giant crashing waves.
As Stede tenderly moved his lips, Ed took each opportunity to press harder, take more.
Finally he pulled away when his lungs begged him for air. His breath was hard and heavy, his eyes closed tightly because he knew if he looked at him he'd completely fall apart.
He could feel Stede's own uneasy breath against his mouth and was suddenly aware of Stede's hands rested lightly on his thighs.
The heat spread up through him and suddenly he wanted to run. He wanted to push Stede off of him and run as fast as he could, away from him, away from his hurt, away from his feelings, back to the Kraken where'd he be safe.
"Ed…"
"Shut up." He growled, focusing on his warring thoughts and emotions.
Ed still couldn't bear to look at him, the emotions running through him too much, but instead of running, instead of letting the Kraken win, he leaned in, pressing his head into Stede's chest.
Stede's arms instantly came around him, and held him tightly. Any urge to run had been immediately squashed as Stede's warm embrace surrounded him.
Finally, he broke. He let the tears flow freely as he gripped onto him.
"I'm so fucking pissed at you." He mumbled into his chest and Stede's hold tightened him.
"I know." Stede whispered brokenly.
The words flowed out before he could stop them. He turned his head, burying his nose into the hollow of Stede's neck, feeling his warmth, inhaling the scent of him and taking comfort in it.
"I missed you."
He couldn't believe he was allowing himself to be vulnerable again with him. He wasn't even sure he trusted Stede yet. But he did miss him and he spent so many nights longing to be held by Stede just like this and he couldn't resist anymore.
Stede let out a small, quiet gasp and his hands trailed up his back, sending a shiver down his spine. Stede's fingers gripped his hair gently and he felt Stede's warm lips against the side of his head.
"Oh Ed .."
For a moment, panic seized his heart, fearing rejection, fearing pity, fearing he had opened himself up to be vulnerable only to be scorned again.
"I missed you too." Stede's voice was like a song, a perfect melody to his heart. "I missed you so much."
"You did?" Ed's voice was weak and Stede hummed the affirmative.
"Terribly so."
Stede sighed quietly, his fingers aimlessly trailing up and down Ed's back and despite Ed's back and knees screaming at him because of the position they were in, he didn't want to move.
"I promised myself I'd do anything to find you again." Stede spoke quietly and Ed was silent, his brow furrowing as he listened. "I regret the way I left but…I don't regret going to Barbados."
Ed tensed in his arms and Stede flattened his palm against his back in solid reassurance.
"I don't because I learned so much about myself that I don't know when I would have come to it on my own. I was scared, Ed but I'm not scared anymore. Not about that."
"About what?" Ed asked quietly, sniffling.
Stede ducked his head, brushing his nose against Ed's hair.
"About us."
Ed's brow pressed together and he finally slowly pulled out of Ed's embrace, looking at him.
"I'm sorry if that was presumptuous of me." Stede said quickly, nervously. "I know it's my fault we're in the state that we are and I don't…" he pressed his lips together for a moment. "I don't know if there is an us anymore. I understand if that's not what you want anymore. I don't expect anything from you, Edward. I just needed to find you…to explain, to apologize and to let you know…" he trailed off and Ed raised his brows expectantly, his heart pounding.
Stede took a deep breath and then released it with a shaky smile. "You have my heart, Edward Teach. All of it. I'm so sorry it took such drastic measures for me to figure that out."
Stede wanted to tell him he loved him, the words were dying to come out but he held his tongue. In the wake of their recent reunion, Ed perhaps wouldn't be ready for that. He may have already stepped too deep in judging by the look in Ed's eyes.
Stede smiled sheepishly and cleared his throat, starting to lean away from Ed the longer Ed stared at him in silence, his deep brown eyes intense.
He dropped his hands and Ed's brow twitched.
"I apologize if that was too forward of me but you needed to know. I didn't leave because I don't care about you."
"You have a really shit way of showing that."
Stede nodded. "Yeah, I know."
He was finally aware of the ache in his back as he straightened up and he began to pull one leg up but Ed's hand shot to his knee and held it.
Stede froze and looked at him, wide eyed.
Ed stared down at his hand covering Stede's knee, his brow pressed together.
"You left."
"Yes." Stede bowed his head. "I…"
"Stede, shut up." Ed didn't mean for it to be so harsh but his heart was pounding, emotions coursing and he was trying to process everything that has happened since he walked onto the beach.
Stede's eyes widened slightly but his mouth snapped closed.
Ed exhaled sharply through his nose and then pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes as he tried to regulate his body and his thoughts.
"You left and I thought I'd never see you again and then you were fucking dead and now you're here saying all this shit and I don't know how to handle this."
Stede opened his mouth to speak but then thought better of it.
"You drive me crazy, Stede. The most insane I've ever felt in my entire life and I've done and seen a lot of shit that would make any man mad but you…you…" He tapped his fingers against Stede's knee and felt the tears welling up again as he poured out his heart.
"You make me feel so damn much."
Stede's eyes softened in sad understanding but he still said nothing.
"And I'm so happy you're alive." He took a shaky breath and his other hand somehow found its way to Stede's chest where he could feel his strong, quick heart beat.
Stede's hand slowly lifted and wrapped gently around his wrist, holding his hand there and gazing at him with warm adoration.
"I don't know if I can trust you yet." Ed continued. "You left." He repeated yet again and Stede waited patiently for him to continue. His eyes finally lifted to meet his. "and then you came back."
Stede's lips twitched and his grip tightened lightly on Ed's wrist in silent acknowledgement and reassurance that yes, yes he had come back.
"You found me and yeah you fucked up and I did too, I know that." His heart clenched in his chest, thinking of Stede's crew. "Yet here you still are and I don't know why…" he shook his head. "I don't know what to believe so…" he let out a hard breath. "It's going to take some time, I think, for me to…
"I understand." Stede finally spoke quietly. "If you want me to go…"
"No." He said it as instinct and both of their eyes widened at how fast he said it.
"No…" he continued on and was suddenly aware how close they still were and how Stede's body heat radiated off of him. He let out a slow, deep breath and leaned into it.
"I don't want you to go. I'm not sure what it is I want yet but I know that. I-if you want to stay…" he lifted his shoulders. "Stay." It was more of a plea than he would have liked but that is what it was.
A slow, small smile pulled at Stede's lips and he took a deep breath and let it out and he nodded. "I do want to, Ed. More than anything I want the chance to make it up to you."
For the first time since the docks, Ed felt a lightness in his heart, he felt himself begin to hope again. He didn't know if he could trust Stede completely yet but he believed him when he spoke.
Stede said things so genuinely, spoke his heart and soul with his very being that the truth shone in his expressive, beautiful eyes.
"Fuck." Ed cursed, his eyes suddenly widening.
Stede's brow rose. "What is it?"
Ed groaned, throwing his head back and closed his eyes. "I'm so fucking stupid."
"Ed, you're not…"
"No, I am because you told me and I wasn't listening."
Stede furrowed his brow and shook his head. "Told you what?"
"That you didn't want to go with me."
Stede's eyes widened slowly. "Ed, I did…"
"No, no don't lie to me, okay?"
Stede closed his mouth and swallowed thickly, his face pulling into a frown and Ed sighed.
"I was too blinded by my own stupid joy that I didn't see you. "
"It wasn't stupid, Ed." Stede breathed.
"Nah, it was, mate."
"No, it wasn't." Stede insisted. "I wasn't lying when I told you you make me happy. You make me so happy that it was overwhelming for me and I suppose that was part of it. Why I left… but your joy…" a slow, soft smile spread on his lips. "It was so beautiful, Ed. When you asked me to run away with you, it was the best thing I've ever heard…the thought of spending my life at sea with you was exhilarating…" His smile widened for a moment and then his expression sobered, "but terrifying and I wasn't ready."
"I know." Ed said quietly, even though the words stung, even if the truth sat in his gut like a rock, he did know that. "At least I know that now. Your voice…" he shook his head. "You were saying yes with your words but your voice said no. I should have picked up on that."
Stede lifted his shoulders. "It wasn't on you. I should have told you the truth from the start. I didn't want to hurt you and in the end I hurt you even more than I ever thought I could. That…that was stupid."
"Yeah, yeah it was." Ed agreed but for the first time in a long time, a small smile tugged at his lips and in response the light that lit up Stede's face at the sight of it was breathtaking.
Stede scoffed quietly, a small smile crossing his own lips. "I can't promise not to be stupid again but I can promise that I'll try not to. I'm so much more sure of myself now, I know what I want and I will fight for it."
Ed didn't even have to ask because Stede followed it up with, "I will fight for you as long as you let me."
Ed let out a slow breath and looked down at their joined hands still on Stede's knee. He slowly flipped his hand over so their palms were touching and his fingers curled around Stede's, his thumb gently caressing the back of his hand. He had missed his touch terribly.
"I'm gonna hold you to that, mate." He said quietly and looked back up at him. His heart flipped in his chest at the look in his eyes. That bright, hopeful, loving look that he knew so well. That he had committed to memory in the very lonely, painful nights he spent alone curled up in Stede's bed.
His eyes narrowed slightly and he gripped Stede's hand tightly. "Do anything like that again and I'll fucking kill you myself."
Stede's face grew serious and he nodded. "If I do, I give you permission to do whatever you need to."
"I don't need your permission I'm just gonna fucking do it."
"I'll probably deserve it."
"Yeah you probably will."
They held each other's gaze for a few tense long seconds and then to his own surprise, Ed cracked a smile first. Despite his hurt, he had missed this…the banter, the back and forth, the playful flirting that came so natural with Stede. The horrible tension from earlier was still present but fading and he could grasp and hold onto the light and hope of them.
Stede's face lit up with an echoing smile and his aching heart melted.
"Does this mean you've forgiven me?"
Ed's smile quickly faded. "I don't know." He answered and Stede nodded, his smile fading.
"Right, of course. No, I understand." His brow furrowed and he glanced down and part of Ed wanted to lean on and kiss the adorable little pout off his lips. He found himself already starting to lean in but stopped himself quickly. He needed to pace himself, he needed time.
"No," Ed said, more gently. "Not yet. But I think….maybe…one day." He sighed and Stede looked up at him. He swallowed thickly, his jaw tensing. "It really fucking hurt, Stede."
"I'll never leave you again." Stede vowed, keeping his eyes intently on his. "and I'll spend all my days proving that to you."
"You'd better." Ed half threatened though his voice was choked as he spoke past the lump in his throat and the weight on his chest.
"I will." Stede confirmed again with a small but genuine smile and Ed caught himself almost leaning into kiss him again.
He took a deep breath and decided to finally pull himself away, but as he moved, pain shot through his back and down his leg. He swore under his breath and winced.
"Are you alright?"
His eyes drifted back to Stede who was watching him in concern.
Ed nodded once. "Shouldn't have stayed on the ground so long."
Stede's face softened in understanding and he nodded. "Perhaps we should get up then?"
"Yeah, reckon we should." Ed said quietly but he didn't move and neither did Stede. Their hands were still connected, their legs touching.
Stede's eyes flickered down to his lips and that set Ed into motion. He knew if he remained this close to Stede any longer he'd surely end up kissing him again and while that thought was extremely tempting, he needed to resist, to learn to trust Stede again before completely giving himself over.
His hand flew out of Stede's grasp and Stede reeled back, eyes widening slightly.
Ed groaned as he scooted away from Stede and slowly pushed himself up. He bit his lip as his bad knee cracked and ached, then he watched as Stede also pushed himself back up, brushing the sand off of his breeches.
"Oh!" Stede said suddenly and Ed raised his eyebrow as Stede patted the front of his breeches and then began to rifle through his pockets.
Ed couldn't help but follow his hand movements, watch his fingers flex and the muscles in his forearm twitch, and his throat tightened as Stede pulled out a very familiar red cloth.
"I have something that I believe belongs to you."
Stede held it gently, tenderly, lovingly in his grasp and then slowly extended his hand out to Ed with a small smile.
Ed stared at it silently, his heart pounding wildly. He thought he had said goodbye to the beloved fabric, one final goodbye to the past and to Stede, and sent it to the wind with his heart.
Yet there it sat, in the hand of the man he loved, the physical symbol of his heart with the man who owned it.
His eyes trailed up slowly to meet Stede who was watching him with trepidation.
"Where did you find this?" Ed asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
"It found me." Stede answered simply.
Ed took a few steps closer and reached his hand out. His fingers brushed against Stede's gently and his breath caught in his chest at the tender touch.
"You kept it safe."
Ed expected it might have ended up at the bottom of the ocean, perhaps in a bird's nest or in the belly of an unfortunate sea animal who mistook it for food. He never expected to see it looking more clean than it ever had.
"Of course I did. It was rather dirty as well so I gave it a nice washing. I used your favorite lavender soap."
Ed's eyes snapped up to his, his hand frozen on top of Stede's.
"I hope you don't mind." Stede finished quietly with a swallow. "I thought, perhaps, if I did ever find you, you'd appreciate it and if I didn't…well then at least I'd have some part of you with me."
Ed found himself utterly speechless. With every word Stede spoke, he was reminded why he had fallen for him in the first place. This was the Stede he knew, the one he loved. The one who hurt him would always be a part of him, that action would always be a part of their history… but for the last several weeks he has convinced himself that Stede had never cared, had purposely, maliciously left him and he was still trying to grapple with the truth of the situation, but Stede was still Stede and despite all of it, he loved him.
Ed quietly took the fabric from Stede and brought it towards his face. His eyes closed as he felt the tender softness of the material against his rough skin, and the overwhelming scent of lavender filled his nostrils and caused tears once again to spring to his eyes.
He fought them back, he didn't want to cry anymore, but the edges of the wall he had constructed after Stede left were slowly starting to crumble with every moment that passed.
He brushed the fabric ever so softly against his lips and knew that was the beginning of his acceptance of Stede back into his heart.
"Thank you."
He opened his eyes, blinking against slightly blurred vision and Stede's answering smile warmed his heart.
"My absolute pleasure."
Ed swallowed thickly and held the cloth to his skin for a few more silent seconds and then carefully folded it up, just as Stede had done the night of the party, and his words echoed in his mind.
You wear fine things well.
He didn't feel he deserved fine things, not when the Kraken had done so much damage, but he tucked it away all the same, holding it close to his chest.
"What happens now?" Stede asked with a soft sigh.
"Now…" Ed breathed and turned his head as he looked out to the sea. Somewhere nearby was the Revenge and Stede's new vessel, carrying each of their respective crews. He knew he had to face them now. Face the consequences of his actions with Stede's crew and face his own, who expected the Kraken, and not Edward Teach.
The gentle breeze tousled his hair and he closed his eyes. A shiver rolled through him and he then looked at Stede, gazing back at him with anticipation and such gentle love.
"Now we move forward."