…What am I doing?
Alice thought to herself as she stared down at Eric's limp right hand. Or rather, it was the top of her own hand that she saw.
A gesture of sympathy. A gesture of goodwill. A gesture of fondness.
How exactly had she meant it?
'How wonderful. Not everyone is so fortunate.' Remilia's voice rang in her ears.
Alice became acutely aware of a faint blush creeping onto her face. If Marisa could see her now… she'd certainly tease her endlessly.
She could scarcely believe it herself… that she was willing to do something so intimate.
…
But, while he was unconscious like this, it all felt just a little less personal. Like she could distance herself, if only a bit, from what she was really doing.
…Had she ever actually touched him before? Shanghai had, a few times, but… had Alice herself?
An accidental shoulder bump as they walked? A simple brush of the fingers while handing something to the other? Anything?
Sure, he had touched her arm when he tried to heal it after her duel with Marisa, but that had strictly been so that he could channel the magic directly into the damaged limb.
And… the touch had been so light and delicate that his fingers may very well have been hovering a hair's breadth away from her skin.
However, this… some part of her told her that this was different. A touch with the intention to feel.
That she had initiated.
…
Alice wasn't even all that fond of touch in the first place. At least, she didn't think so.
She remembered craving it more when she was younger, back when she still had… people around. People who would give her hugs and brush her hair.
Those days… Admittedly, she missed them.
Lately, the only things that had come into contact with her that weren't her own constructs were things trying to hurt her. Usually during battles, but not always.
Or it was Marisa, throwing an arm around her shoulders or ruffling her hair (even though Alice was the older one!) with that obnoxiously Marisa-like attitude.
That… Well, it wasn't that bad, she supposed.
But now, as her hand rested atop his, she couldn't help but fixate on the sensation.
Despite its thinness, the back of his hand was quite soft. It… was probably just a little cooler than it should have been, but it was still warm.
It was alive, and right now, that was enough.
…
Alice really did hope that he would wake up soon.
There was… a certain powerlessness to the 'wait and see' approach.
Certainly, she was no doctor… Was there nothing else she could do but sit here?
It was then that a thought found its way, unbidden, into her mind.
What would Mother do?
It was a question that Alice occasionally considered when presented with uncertainty. Her mother was… better at these sorts of things. She had much more experience, considering she was 'Mother' to an entire realm.
How would Mother give comfort?
It was while she was pondering this that Alice began to absentmindedly stroke her thumb across the back of Eric's hand.
Only after she realized what she was doing did it occur to her.
This was precisely what Shinki would have done.
…
Her body was beginning to tire once again. It was frustratingly inconvenient.
Perhaps she had sat in this chair for too long. Her posture was beginning to slouch.
…Alice silently cursed her weakened state.
She really wanted to lie down, but Eric should have been waking up any minute now.
Hmm… The hospital bed in front of her was surely more comfortable than sitting upright.
She could just… rest for a moment. There was nothing wrong with much needed rest.
Alice leaned over and nestled her head into the crook of her right arm as her left hand remained with Eric's.
Hopefully, even like this, her presence could provide some measure of comfort to him as he slept.
A familiar weight settled onto her back as Shanghai wrapped her arms around her master.
Alice huffed lightly, though it was more of a laugh than anything.
Cheeky little doll…
…
At some point, she'd closed her eyes.
Certainly not to sleep. No, she wouldn't allow herself to sleep. Not without the Butterfly Dream Pill, anyways.
But resting her eyes did help. …Somewhat.
As she did so, she allowed her mind to wander again.
There was going to be so much work waiting for her when she got back home.
Her garden would need plenty of attention. She'd need to assess what, if any, damage occurred in her absence. Especially since she hadn't been there to water it.
The house itself would need less care, but surely dust had already begun to settle on the multitude of shelves and tables.
She wasn't too concerned about someone breaking in. She had countermeasures prepared for that sort of thing, after all.
Her research… Oh, her research. She'd spent days absorbed in her work before the 'incident.' Only a few days had passed, yet it all felt so far away. She'd have to pore over all of her notes again in order to get herself into the same headspace and-
Eric shifted.
Instantly her train of thought was derailed.
Her hand stilled, yet she did not retract it.
She opened her eyes, only to see him peering at where their hands met. Then, his warm brown eyes drifted to meet her own.
It was like a scene from one of the romance novels that she'd never allow anyone else to see her read, under any circumstances.
He struggled to clear his throat before rasping out a greeting. "Hello… Alice…" A small, pained smile adorned his face.
Alice let out a breath that she didn't remember holding as the sensation of sweet relief flooded through her. The tension drained out of her shoulders. She… didn't realize that she had been that stressed.
Hey, you. "You're finally awake."
Alice moved to sit upright, removing herself from the bed. She returned a smile of her own while Shanghai hovered nearby.
"You've overslept." A light prod.
"No… alarm clock…" There was a glimmer of humor in his eyes.
A small chuckle escaped before she could stifle it.
It wasn't really even that funny. Just… the sheer audacity… Less than five minutes after waking up, he was already trying to make her laugh.
Eric's grin grew just a little bit.
She sighed. It was one of relief and contentment. "I'm glad. Truly, I am."
The possibility of a coma had lingered like a specter at the edge of her mind. A possibility that had now been invalidated.
Yes, now that he was awake, she was certain that he would be alright.
Eric gave her a meaningful look. "I am… too."
The sound of a door sliding open interrupted them.
"I see you have regained consciousness." Eirin's professionally neutral voice filled the room.
Alice glanced over at her.
The doctor locked eyes with her. "Miss Margatroid, if you would, please return to your room. The patient is due for an evaluation, and it would be best for there to be as few distractions as possible."
It was a 'request,' but something about the way she'd said it hinted that it was more of an 'order.'
Reluctantly, Alice complied, removing her hand from Eric's and standing herself up.
Eric looked… disappointed.
"I will return afterwards," she promised.
With that said, and a small wave from Shanghai, Alice exited the room.
~~~~~~Tradition's End~~~~~~
A short time later, Eirin departed, leaving Eric's mind reeling.
He… almost died. He almost died! Alice almost died!
He'd never… He'd never been so close to death.
His breathing was quick, just on the edge of hyperventilation. It was painful.
Everything had gone so wrong so quickly.
It was supposed to have been a good day! A pleasant little picnic! A nice chance to relax that Alice looked like she needed!
Why? Why did the youkai have to be in that part of the Forest? Why were there so many? Why did he have to be such dead weight in a fight!?
If any one thing had gone differently, if whoever had rescued them had arrived just a few minutes later, there was a very real chance that they would have met their end.
Like so many before us.
And… it would have been his fault…
Unable to help, he was useless. Worse than useless, actually. Actively detrimental. A distraction when Alice needed every bit of her focus.
Twice now, Alice had gotten hurt because of him.
His desire to become a part of her life had definitely done more harm than good.
That… That pained him even more than his leg.
Unforgivable…
He closed his eyes.
…He could still see her bleeding out on the cold, hard ground.
…
It wasn't until he felt someone take his hand that he was able to work towards regaining some semblance of calm.
~~~~~~Tradition's End~~~~~~
Alice hadn't expected Eric to be in such a sorry state upon her return.
It was an extreme departure from how he'd been just a short time earlier.
And… she'd never seen him act this way before. Something had happened, she was sure of it.
But what was it? What had Eirin said to him that had shaken him up so badly?
She once again found herself at his side, not even realizing that she'd moved until she felt herself sit down and take his hand in her own once more.
This time, she knew precisely how she had meant for this to be interpreted.
It was a gesture of comfort.
…
Alice waited until his breathing had steadied before asking any questions.
"Eric… Are you alright? What happened?" She kept her voice hushed, but there was a certain intensity to it that surprised even herself.
He… didn't respond immediately. Instead, Eric took a deep breath, attempting to assemble his composure.
Then, he flashed her a weak smile. It was one that she could tell at a glance was false; it simply didn't reach his eyes.
"I'm… I'll be alright, I think." He hesitated a moment before continuing. "It's not your fault, so please don't worry about it."
Alice frowned. "Was it Eirin's evaluation? She can be a tad too blunt."
Eric latched onto her question eagerly. Perhaps too eagerly…
"Yeah." He let out a mirthless chuckle. "She filled me in on the details. My leg got busted up pretty badly."
He grunted as he tried to sit up. "What wild technology they've got here. Apparently it'll be good enough to walk on in a couple days, but it'll take weeks for it to start feeling like it should again. Same for the pain to go away, so long as I keep taking whatever medicine they're giving me."
"And… that is all?" Alice pried.
He'd helped her more than once already. It was only right for her to try and return the favor. Even if this sort of help was not really part of her skill set.
"That's all… It's just, a lot all at once. Plus, I've gotta figure out what to do with the café while I'm like this, and… It's kinda overwhelming."
That was… perfectly reasonable. And yet…
No… No, that was only a half-truth at best. Why did his eyes look so haunted? So… guilt-ridden?
"Eric… there is more, is there not?" She had meant to word it more gently than that.
His silence all but confirmed it.
She squeezed his hand. "Please don't be afraid to share anything with me. You are my friend, my dear friend, and I… wish to support you as much as you have supported me."
His mouth tightened into a grim line as his expression became downcast.
"Please… Tell me what has affected you so deeply, so that I may help."
At that moment, Shanghai flitted over and hugged Eric around the neck, her little doll arms nearly too small to do so.
Eric sniffed before bringing his free hand up to cover his face. He wept quietly for a moment. Then…
"I'm sorry, Alice… I-I'm so sorry… This whole thing is my fault…"
?
"If I hadn't been so useless… If I hadn't distracted you… If I hadn't dragged you out for a picnic… I-If I hadn't forced myself into your l-life, then I wouldn't have almost gotten you killed!"
Oh… So that's what this was about. He blamed himself for the attack.
Alice wanted to reason with him, to tell him that it was a series of unfortunate circumstances far outside of his control. However, he continued, not allowing her to get a word in edge-wise.
"And… And what if things had been different? What if we really did die? Or, Gods forbid, you were the only one who died? Then, what? You would have been gone forever! And it would have been all my fault!"
"I… I… I'm just no good for anyone. I'm sorry… I don't… I don't want anything bad to happen to you. It's just a waiting game until I do something stupid and get you hurt again… You might… might have been better off if you hadn't met me in the first place."
…What?
There was… honestly far too much to unpack here. Where did all of this self-loathing come from? It ran completely antithetical to what Alice had come to expect from Eric.
He… he was always so good at keeping a positive air about him.
And… hearing her friend (fated companion?) say all of this… it led to some very complex feelings welling up inside of her.
For one, there was a hot streak of indignation. She'd be better off without ever having met him? The one whose visits she'd so quickly come to anticipate? How could he so boldly, and incorrectly, assume her feelings on the matter?
A stab of empathy for the one who nearly bled out alongside her. She understood. She'd almost lost her life once before, and that first time had been much harder to deal with emotionally.
A tiny twist of guilt. If she was being honest, it was technically her fault for letting her focus slip when there were still enemies looking to take advantage of her weakness. If she hadn't, well, maybe they'd be in a better situation right now.
But most importantly, there was a wave of… something. Protectiveness? Fondness? …Maternal instinct? Something that made her desire to wrap him up in her arms and tell him that everything was going to be okay; an action she was sure that he would have already taken had their roles been reversed.
…As if she could be so bold.
For now though, she would have to settle for Shanghai bestowing her little doll hug upon Eric.
"Please, never say that again." It took a minute, but her voice had come out quiet, yet firm.
"W-which, um… part?"
"All of it. The entire thing. It is not your fault, and you must understand that." She would make him see that. One way or another.
Eric sighed. "I… how can you even say that? I nearly got us ki-"
Alice cut him off.
"No, you shoulder as much responsibility for this as anyone else, including myself. I am not as blameless as you think. A single-minded pack of beasts should have been nothing for me. It was the degradation of my own combat skill that allowed both of us to come to harm."
That seemed to provoke an immediate reaction from him. "No, don't you dare say that, Alice! You're the only reason we're alive at all!"
"But now you see. We can both assign blame to ourselves where it doesn't belong. I mean it when I say that nothing that happened was your fault. Those at fault lie dead on the forest floor."
"Like we nearly did…"
"Yet we still live?"
Eric's expression became conflicted, which was a marked improvement over the sorrow it previously held.
"Y-yeah… I guess we are… alive," he whispered, as if not entirely convinced.
"You would make for a very lively ghost, otherwise."
Eric stifled what would have been a laugh, blowing air through his nose with force instead.
"Alice… Did you just make a joke?" There was a hint of bewilderment creeping into his voice.
"It is as you suspect." There was a little self-consciousness bleeding in now. "Was it subpar?"
"No! No… I just…" He sighed. "I don't think I deserve to witness such a rare event."
Alice hardened her gaze a bit. "Don't speak about yourself that way."
Eric went quiet for a moment. Then, "Alice… I… It's… not that simple…"
He glanced between Alice and Shanghai before settling back on Alice. "But, I… I'll try. I won't say stuff like that… Okay?"
"Good. Otherwise, I may have to resort to sewing your mouth shut." A scary proposition, and something that she could easily do, yet she'd only meant it as playful banter.
"Oh, yes ma'am." His voice was mildly sarcastic, but his eyes were sincere.
Alice didn't want to look away.
~~~~~~Tradition's End~~~~~~
"Banki! Banki! Did you hear!?" Kogasa Tatara bounded up to her friend with far too much energy.
Sekibanki sighed before giving her incredibly excitable companion her full attention. "Hear what?"
Kogasa twirled her umbrella (body?) excitedly. "Okay~ So, you know that place you work? That café?"
Sekibanki simply nodded. Of course she knew. She worked there.
"Alright, well get this! The guy who owns the café is in Eientei right now because he got attacked by youkai!"
Oh…
Wait… What?
She furrowed her brows. "Where did you hear that?"
"Wellllll~ I heard it from Kyouko, who heard it from Misty, who was ACTUALLY THERE when it happened!"
Well, that sucks. "Oh, damn. Guess that's why the cafe's been closed."
As far back as she could remember, Tradition's End hadn't ever been closed for more than one day at a time. And here it was on day four.
Mystery solved.
"Yeah, Kyouko said that Misty was quieter than usual. Weird, huh?"
"Yep, totally weird." Sometimes it was better to just agree.
Sekibanki felt a sharp tug on her sleeve as Kogasa pulled her down a different street, a spring in her step.
"C'mon! Let's go check out that new dango place! They say that they're using a special moon recipe!"
She allowed herself to be led away. Dango did sound pretty good right about now.
~~~~~~Author's Note~~~~~~
Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush. Same as us and that thief over there.
Anyways, new chapter is up! It's the big 1 0 ! In which Eric throws himself a pity party, and Alice is there to enforce the ordinance against such things.
Once again, I prove that I am not a doctor, mental health specialist, or intimately familiar with the real world healthcare system.
There's a lot from Alice's perspective in this chapter. IDK, I'm just enjoying writing scenes supplemented by Alice's thought process and stuff right now.
BTW, Alice is a really hard person to hide stuff from. Maybe she's read a good book about it, but she's good at seeing through lies and illusions and whatnot, so she'd totally know if you weren't being entirely truthful or if something was off about you. And she's a smart cookie, so good luck winning arguments with her. 90% of the time she's right ;)
On a serious note, I couldn't quite decide on how I wanted the characters to handle what was essentially a near death experience, so I just went with this.
Alice isn't quite as affected as Eric. She might just be a little desensitized to death, given her past and nature as a youkai. I mean, she did say that she almost died once before, and that was when she was a lot younger, so she's had time to work through it. (More on that later :p)
Eric, on the other hand, has just had his first real brush with death, and he does not handle it well. I mean, does anyone? Especially when he's convinced that he's the leading cause for not only his own near-death, but someone else's as well. IDK how someone would realistically handle the whole 'you almost got your possible love interest killed,' but I'd imagine it's not well. That, and his past may have made him just a bit more sensitive to the idea, too. (More on that later :p)
The chapter is a little longer than the last one, but still shorter than I would have like. The Homefront is still busy, so yeah. We're pretty much wrapped up with Eientei, so next chapter we are outta there!
My plan for regular updates boils down to posting on Sundays. That way I have a weekend (realistically two) to work on the chapter.
Thank you for reading! Review if you want! Have a good day! :D
~~~~~~Reviews~~~~~~
fajar867: Ahaha, luckily Eientei's emergency services are nearly free of charge. All it costs is your love (aka, the people's belief in their efficacy is more important to them than draining the life savings of a villager of modest means). They make plenty of money selling medicine and stuff in the Village anyways.