Realizing what this chapter should be titled made me nearly choke on my water.
I do know a few spoilers for the rest of season 5, and one of them is vaguely referenced in this.
Combing his hair and straightening his tie, Felix grabbed his luggage and was ready to leave. He passed by his mother, who was drinking tea and stopped when she noticed her son go by. "Are you sure you're alright going alone to Paris for the weekend?"
"No worries, mother-" Felix assured her. "I'm just going to be plotting against Uncle Gabriel."
"Alright then." Amelie casually accepted, "Just no stabbing anyone. That is your nice vest."
Felix nodded, accepting the terms. His recent visit to Paris ended in failure (and sewage stench) But this weekend would not be the same! This was the weekend he was going to get the plot started! No one was going to stand in his way!
… oh how wrong he was.
OXOXOXOX
The first thing on Felix's to-do list was get the evidence he needed to expose his uncle as a supervillain! He knew his uncle was a jerk, and a terrible designer, and one of the two worst fathers on the planet, but discovering that he was Hawkmoth was the cherry on top of the evil sundae. And an evil sundae was one with raisins, NOBODY LIKES RAISINS!
It had been fortuitous that he had discovered his uncle's identity. He remembered it like it was a week ago. But it was actually two weeks ago.
He and his mom were having tea. Felix refilled his cup as he asked a question, "Mother, who was it that let our family use the peacock miraculous?" He took a long slow sip of his tea.
"Oh, it was your uncle. He, my sister, and Nathalie found that one and another brooch on an expedition." Amelie casually dropped. Felix released an enormous spit take.
Now it was time to begin his plot. It was simple: sneak into the mansion during the next akuma attack, dig through his private room until he found a secret lair entrance, and gather enough evidence to blackmail Gabriel into handing over the peacock miraculous. He didn't have to wait long. An akuma showed up within an hour of arriving, and a handful of heroes had their hands full taking it on. It was show time!
The security at the Agreste mansion was abysmal. All Felix had to do to get in was make a stairway out of garbage cans and hop the fence. No guards, no alarms! Gabriel put all the security into his lair and left the rest of the place wide open! Felix snuck across the garden, praying that the lack of security meant Nathalie was also preoccupied. He found a conveniently open window and jumped in. Felix clung to the walls. He'd memorized where the security cameras pointed and moved in the blind spots.
It was comical how easy it was to get into Gabriel's office. Felix hacked the computer and found an assortment of incriminating documents. Most notably, he found the original demo recordings for his rap single and the early draft for the follow up on how much he hates charity. Felix grinned evilly, holding up the flash drive he copied the evidence onto "Watch out uncle, the status quo will be shifting soon."
Felix left the way he came in, but scaling the other side of the fence was slightly more difficult. "All that's left to do is make backup copies." He held out the lone flash drive. He had to protect it with his life!
Swinging himself over the fence, Felix expected to feel his foot hit the top of the garbage can. He realized too late that there was nothing stacked up where he left it and that he was falling straight down onto the concrete. Even worse, the flash drive slipped from his grasps as he fell and landed underneath him.
The boy was alright, but the drive had been shattered beyond repair. "No! How could this have happened?!" the blonde cupped the broken blackmail in frustration.
A whistled tune caught his ear and Felix noticed a boy with cyan tipped hair was moving the cans back into place. Luka wiped his brow once he finished re-setting the trash cans and hopped back on his bike, all without even looking at the furious boy whose plot he foiled. "A minor setback. This is why I have prepared backup plots."
OXOXOXOX
If Felix couldn't blackmail his uncle, he'd turn his cousin against him. Adrien was just as much a part of this as he was. The biggest difference (that Felix knew) was that he was being kept in the dark about his heritage.
Felix's goal wasn't simply his own freedom, but freedom for all those like them. He was unable to retrieve the other ring that Gabriel still possessed, so for now the most he could do was get Adrien onto his side with facts alone… maybe he should have made a PowerPoint?
"Hey Felix!" The more uptight of the identical cousin's flinched, having been so deep in thought he'd failed to notice Adrien approaching. Felix was waiting near the edge of the Île aux Cygnes, sitting on a designer beach towel. He wasn't about to sit on sand without any cover! That would be barbaric!
"Adrien, thank you for meeting here on such short notice."
"Yeah, I didn't even know you were back in Paris!" Adrien hadn't been expecting Felix at all! Let alone that he'd be the one asking to meet up. Their relationship had been somewhat rocky as of late, what with the impersonation incident, and the constant dislikes he'd been leaving on Adrien's [NonBrandNameSocialMedia] meme's.
"Yes, about that-" Felix began. "I trust you to not inform anyone else in your household about my presence here in Paris."
Adrien narrowed his eyes. "Suuuuure…" His cousin had an ulterior motive. He always did. Once, when they were little, Felix invited him to a fancy party in London just to swindle him out of a rare 'Nisemon' card. t took Adrien eight years to get another one of those cards! "What's your angle this time?"
Felix faked a gasp and pressed a hand to his chest. "An angle?! After all these years, must you assume I always have something up my sleeve?!"
His cousin grabbed the hand he had pressed to his chest, and wordlessly reached into the sleeve and took out an ace of spades. Adrien lifted a single eyebrow, proving his point. "... Fine. I do have an angle." Felix admitted, taking his card back. "This is something bigger than myself, something that could shake the very foundation of the narrative."
"What narrative? This is real life, not some sort of story." Adrien could only see three walls, the fourth would forever elude anyone that wasn't a rabbit.
Felix stared at his cousin, an unnerving seriousness in his eyes. "I need your help, and you can't tell ANYONE in case they compromise my position. No authorities, not anyone in your house, not your friends."
It clicked in Adrien's mind. There could only be one possible thing Felix could need his help with. He killed someone and has to dispose of the body. It was only a matter of time before someone committed murder. He honestly expected it to be Nathalie, though. "O-oh, ehem. I don't think I'm the right person for this."
Felix persisted "It has to be you Adrien! The truth is that we are-"
The rest of Felix's sentence was drowned out by a loud guitar riff. Rock music started blaring from the stalls nearby. A makeshift stage was up against the pillar with Luka Couffaine shredding his strings. A crowd formed to watch the impromptu concert, even drawing in Adrien, who gestured that he was going to go see his friend (and happy to have a diversion from what he thought was a murder confession).
Adrien was gone before Felix could stop him. His Plan B was foiled. He snarled at the musician, recognizing him as the one who foiled his earlier plot. It was still only a minor setback. He had two more cards to play… not including the one up his sleeve.
OXOXOXOX
Nathalie rarely ever got a day off of work. Most of her off days were spent working for her boss's other occupation and running around with blue skin. At least Gabriel gave her a villainous bonus. She had stopped at an upper class cafe for lunch before her appointment at the archery range.
The off the clock villainess was ignorant of Felix's plot. The boy had snuck into the employee space and secured a uniform. Using some makeup, contacts and a wig, he'd flawlessly blended in with the wait staff. He deduced that the Peacock Miraculous was hidden underneath Nathalie's jacket, and Felix knew how to remove it. He would spill something over the front of her outfit and pretend to wipe it off to pickpocket the brooch. A cliche, yet a classic.
Felix's disguise was working well. He had infiltrated the staff without any suspicion. It turns out his disguise was nearly identical to a guy who hadn't shown up that day, Pierre Zeschwann. Unknown to Felix and the actual staff, the real Pierre was using a fake identity as well and was fleeing the country that very day.
The right opportunity came eventually, after Felix had already delivered plates to several other tables while Nathalie took her time ordering. "Pierre!" the manager called to the disguised Felix. "Bring this coffee over to mademoiselle Sancoeur." She could swear Pierre was shorter today, and his voice was higher. But the bum was doing a good job for once, so she was willing to ignore it.
"Right away." Felix accepted the drink and carefully planned his steps. Every move had to be precise. It had to look like an accident. He'd seen his cousin's girlfriend enough to study her clumsiness and implement it into his act. "Here you are ma-" he stumbled and flailed over nothing, exaggerating his movements just enough to look like he was struggling not to fall. The cup of cold coffee flipped off of the tray and splattered exactly where it was meant to splatter.
"Oh, my-" Nathalie was never more lucky to prefer cold coffee, but her jacket was soaked.
Felix feigned an apologetic tone. "I am so sorry!" He held out his pickpocket cloth. "Here let me-"
"Are you alright, miss?" A calm voice approached. Felix glanced up and couldn't believe it was the same guy again! How was he even here?! You needed celebrity connections to get in!
"I am quite alright." Nathalie assured the boy. "Although my jacket will smell like coffee for a few days."
Luka had an idea. "If you'd like, my dad has a few extra tour jackets he didn't sell." He looked over to another table against the wall, where Jagged Stone, Penny, and Fang were seated. Fang sat up like a person, yet he drank out of a dog bowl.
Nathalie nodded, accepting the teen's generosity. "That would be a great help. Thank you." She walked away to follow the civilian snake hero.
Felix was dumbfounded, the same boy had shown up again, the same boy ruined his plot again, and THEY LET A CROCODILE INTO A CAFE!? He had enough for today, Felix untied his apron and threw it at the manager as he stomped out "PIERRE! YOU COME BACK HERE AND FINISH YOUR SHIFT!"
"I DON'T EVEN WORK HERE!" Felix shouted before slamming the door shut… then reopening it a moment later to add "AND I'M NOT PIERRE!"
OXOXOXOX
It was all that guy's fault! The same rocker boy thwarted all of his schemes this weekend! All Felix was trying to do was mix up the formulaic setting of this superhero vs villain story and turn it to his favor. He had every right to become a major player in this game, granted he was on neither side of the current conflict. That boy must be stopping him on purpose! To prevent Felix from creating a third faction in this Miraculous showdown.
"He won't stop me this time. I'll make sure of it." Felix had been patiently waiting until there was an akuma attack to enact his final plot of the weekend. It happened at dinnertime, or precisely right before Felix had his first bite. He grumpily shoved his food aside and hurried outside to where the battle was taking place.
He'd been pushed aside by one side already, but if he sided with the other side, he could subside until the opportunity to blindside both sides arrived.
The akuma, whose motivation Felix didn't care to learn, but he assumed it had something to do with pralines since they were splattered everywhere. He followed the battle. Aside from the main duo, the dragon girl and snake guy were part of the fight today. It was the same as always. Ladybug summons a Lucky Charm (this week it was a ridiculously large spoon) and figures out some convoluted way to defeat the bad guy. The team had spread out, with only the two red-clad heroines confronting the villain head on.
All Felix had to do was wait for when Ladybug was about to throw her charm and repair the damage. He would snag the spoon before she could throw it and demand her assistance in return for the charm. Those heroes had a time limit. Ladybug wouldn't waste time when the only way to fix everything could disappear. She would have no choice but to join forces with him. With the aid of the Miracusquad, he'd retrieve the peacock in no time, then he'd go forward with his own plans. However, he needed some sort of insurance so we wouldn't be outnumbered by the lot of them, though his uncle's defeat may be enough for them to let him go. He'd figure it out after he has the spoon.
"No more evil doing for you, little akuma." there it was! Felix shot a grappling hook towards the spoon, which would have hooked it and brought it to him had it not been for Viperion, jumping down and landing on the wire, grounding it before it got close.
"Ugh, NO!" Felix hissed in frustration. If it wasn't the rock boy, it was a snake boy ruining his schemes.
"Miraculous Ladybug!" The magic bugs repaired the damage and cleaned up the pralines. Felix missed his chance to bargain with the heroes.
"Viperion, what's that under your foot?" Ryuko pointed to the wire and grappling hook.
Confused, Viperion moved his foot and found what she was talking about. "I think it's a… grappling hook?" he tried leaning down to inspect it. The hook retracted before he could and the two watched it zoom away into a dark alley nearby. Viperion walked away to assist Cat Noir with helping the former akuma, while Ryuko beckoned Ladybug to check out the source of the grappling hook.
Felix put away his military grade technology (that he received for his twelfth birthday) and cursed his failures! Why was everybody conspiring against him?! Just because he was conspiring against all of them! "Felix?" He gasped, realizing that the superheroines had noticed him.
He could salvage this. He knew who Hawkmoth was! He could barter the information for their cooperation! "Ladybug! I need to-"
"Why in the world are you messing around with a grappling hook? We can't have civilians try to fight akumas with non-magical weapons!" Ladybug lectured, then paused as she considered something. "... Unless my lucky charm needs them to."
"Wha- I wasn't trying to-" Felix tried to clear her misconception, but the girls were already parkour-ing away. "COME BACK HERE! I NEED TO BARTER WITH YOU!" He couldn't pin this failure on a boy with dyed bangs. He could only curse that he didn't have a more discreet way of snagging the giant spoon. "One day, I'm going to take what I need to bring freedom to myself and my cousin. And mark my words rocker boy, you have my attention and I shall invest a portion of my schemes to return the 'favors' you granted me!" He swore to who he presumed was his destined rival.
Ladybug and Ryuko rejoined Cat Noir and Viperion on a rooftop, all detransforming as they handed out snacks to the kwami's "Adrien, did you know your cousin had a grappling hook?" Marinette asked.
"Was it the bronze or the black one?" her boyfriend didn't seem to realize how unusual it was for civilians to own military-grade equipment.
"Your cousin?" Luka seemed confused.
Adrien pulled up a photo of himself and Felix on his phone. "Yep, we're identical cousins. Probably because our moms are identical twins." One day, he'd figure out that genetics don't work like that, but that day was not today!
Luka studied the picture, trying to think if he'd seen that boy somewhere before. "Hmm… nope. Never seen him before." He concluded, completely unaware of his interference with his plots.
Kagami took a look at the photo. "... He's cute." Her statement earned the shock and confusion of the cat and bug duo.