Part 1: "No, Not The Vet!"
Blitzo was driving in the gray I.M.P. van along the freeway, wearing his usual work outfit. He sat on a red worn seat. Loona wore her usual black tank top and pants with a white crescent moon on them. In contrast to her usual grumpy demeanor, Loona sat still next to Blitzo, her red eyes wide and her arms folded across her chest.
"There is no reason to be sacred, Loonie," Blitzo said. "I know we're on our way for your very important…"
He spoke in a whisper, "Hellbies S.H.O.T…"
Loona's eyes stayed wide as she stared at him.
"…but I promise it'll be quick and easy. It takes years to book an appointment at this place, it took five to get this one. And you've been doing a lot of field work, so you need it."
Loona stayed frozen.
Blitzo briefly looked at the empty seats behind him. "Seems so empty without Moxxie and Millie here," he thought.
In contrast to the usual red sky, the sky above was pink. Blitzo had driven through a nearby portal and was now in the Sloth Ring. A skyscraper city stood in the background with some of the building tops decorated with golden horns. Other buildings were on rocks that hovered in the sky. Many of Sloth's denizens were goat-like beings with candles on top of their heads. Some of them were lazy sloths with many eyes on their faces and fur. Advertisements displayed mattresses, sleeping pills and "Happy-PillZ", hospitals, and vacation spots. Another billboard showed a black goat demon with a large red candle on his head sleeping on a mattress. "Baphomet's Master Beds! For All Bedroom Needs! 66% Off!" Another sign read "Lord Belphegor wants you…to do it tomorrow!"
Blitzo pulled up to large pink and white hospital building called "St. An's" (Satan's). There were a few disabled parking spaces, with horns on the white figure's head on the ground. Waterfalls streamed down to the ground near the hospital. Labels on the building read "Financial Processing," "Surgical Wing," and "Pediatric Wing" while the sign in front read "Emergency." Clouds and closed eyelid designs decorated the building. Venus fly trap plants were on display outside. The buildings on the floating rock islands had candle-like appearances. There were some trees on the rock islands with drooping leaves and eyes on them. Even the elevator music pouring from the speakers and the trickling of the waterfalls were enough to put anyone in a relaxed state.
The staff were mostly goat-like demons with candles on their heads. The doctors wore pointed plague masks and were dressed in black. The hospital was infamously known for charging high fees, making appointments hard to get and deceiving people with pharmaceutical addictions. Not to mention the elaborate and expensive gift shop. They, of course, made great profit from it. Rumor said that the plague doctors helped spread the Bubonic Plague on Earth to harm humans. Like the succubi and imps, they were demons sent up to Earth to try and conquer mankind.
Blitzo got out of the van and picked up Loona with both hands, carrying her over his head.
"Come on, Loonie, come on, this'll be over lickity split alright?"
Blitzo carried her over toward the double doors. Loona struggled to get away, but Blitzo grabbed hold of her. As the double doors opened, Blitzo was dragging her into the waiting room by her tail. Her claws scratched the floor in protest. There was a round purple rug and several round yellow-pink waiting chairs.
"Christ on a stick!" Blitzo swore. "I have waited five fucking years for this appointment! FUCK ME IN MY LITTLE RED HOLE!"
Blitzo glanced at a demon lady who gave him a glare. She looked to be from the Envy Ring and had light gray skin and short dark gray hair with a white stripe along the bottom. Her eyes were neon green, and she wore a pearl necklace and a purple top. She had small black horns on her head and the legs of a goat. Her son had similar features, plus small gray and white fins protruding from his face. The demon boy was connected to a leash the mother was holding. The lady sat under a small note that read "ISO KIDNEY: I need your hip, NOT a scan, CALL ME, Chuck 555." Another Venus fly trap plant stood in the corner. More signs read "no photos" and "no perfume."
"Hi. The fuck you looking at?" Blitzo asked the lady with a glare of his own.
Blitzo slid up to the front desk. A demon goat nurse stood there with orange skin, pink hair, floppy ears, and long curved horns on her head. On top of her head was a white cap with a pink cross on it with small hearts in the corners. She wore a matching white shirt with the logo on it. A pink candle flame hovered above her head. Her four teal eyes were lopsided, two big and two smaller ones. A poster showed a smiling hellhound with a syringe sticking from its back and doing a thumbs up. "Get yours today, or else!" was shown in bold black letters. On the front desk was another Venus fly trap, a notepad, and a stack of papers.
"Heya toots, I'm here for that S.H.O.T. for my Loonie Toonie." Blitzo chuckled as Loona growled in the background.
"The what?" the nurse asked with a dumbfounded look. A bottle of Happy Pill drugs was also on her desk.
"Ugh, the B.U.L.L. shit my daughter has to get every year that you M.O.T.H.E.R. fuckers only allow us to schedule every five years. How the fuck you fuck up that bad anyway, Titty Haver?"
Blitzo scribbled something on a notepad.
"Oh, I can't spell," said the nurse.
An annoyed Blitzo pushed the notepad forward. The nurse picked it up with her tentacle hands. "I can't read either."
"The fucking Hellbies shot you fucking reeeee…" Blitzo began but then finished. "…eeeally can't say that word anymore. The appointment is under Blitz."
"Uh, I don't see any Blitz on the list," she said, skimming through the notepad.
"With an "O," it's silent you fucking…"
Another nurse came over and flipped through the notepad. She pointed to Blitzo's name and showed it to the first nurse.
The first nurse lit up. "OH! An "O" right here, yep, yep. Like she said. Blitzooo, Blitzooo…"
Blitzo seethed at his name being pronounced wrong. He revealed his flintlock pistol under his outfit.
"Yes well, we will be ready for her in just a bit. Please take a seat Mr. "O." said the nurse.
The demon mother Blitzo saw earlier raised her eyes after seeing his gun.
"Perv," Blitzo waved his hand, slouched forward, and took a seat with his arms folded. He tapped his finger impatiently on his shoulder.
Blitzo glanced and saw Loona whimpering and shaking under three chairs.
"Oh, don't worry Loonie," said Blitzo. "It's okay, it's just one little prick, you won't feel it." He bopped her on the nose.
"Ew, don't say that, it sounds vulgar," spat the demon mother.
Blitzo glared. "Excuse me?"
"Pervert!" mocked the lady, folding her arms.
More hours seemed to pass. Blitzo swung his boots back and forth and Loona eventually lay on two chairs, half-asleep. The demon lady stared at her green cellphone.
Blitzo tried to make the situation less awkward.
"Soooo, nice weather we're having, huh?"
Just then, the boy demon pointed at Blitzo. "Look mommy! They let varmints in here!"
Blitzo scowled. "The fuck did you just call me?"
"A wild animal, a miscreant, a fire toad!" the boy replied. He was pulled to the side by his mother.
"It's not polite to call them that to their face, honey. Wait 'til we're in the car."
Blitzo stood up, teeth bared. "You got a problem with me? (censored "cunt")?"
The woman gasped and pulled her son close. "There is a child present, you filthy Wrathian!"
"You're one to talk, you pompous Karen Leviathan," Blitzo responded. "And by the way, I'm not from Wrath, bitch. ALSO, my kid's here too, and I don't think she would appreciate you calling her father… 'things.'"
The mother raised her hand and called to the nurse. "Is there any way we can reschedule for a time when less of the unemployed rabble are out?"
Blitzo scoffed. "Oh please. I bet the hardest work you've ever done is convincing your husband that little shit's his." He pointed to the boy and his eyes watered.
The lady got in his face. "Oh yeah, and what do you do that's SO important?"
Blitzo smirked. "Me? Oh, I kill people." He pulled out his pistol. "How does a two for one special sound, whore?" He aimed the pistol at her, and they both got into a wrestling fight.
The nurse came out of the room. "Mr. "O," the doc will see your hound, now."
Blitzo strangled the mother and the boy with his arm, then shoved them to the floor. Dusting off his pants, he carried a scared Loona into the room, blowing a raspberry behind him with his snake-like tongue. More signs read "helladays" "wait behind here," and by a soap dispenser, "please cleanse your claws."
Blitzo sat Loona next to him on the covered patient chair in the small vet room.
Not too long after, the doctor came in. He was a pink goat with teal horns, a white furry beard, and round glasses. He wore a white suit, dark pants, and a teal necktie. He had thick white eyebrows and a flickering teal candle in the center of his head. He had an upside down pink cross logo on his suit. He flipped through a notepad with his hoof-hands, sitting on a small chair shaped like a paw-print. His name tag read "Dr. Somma."
"Welcome, Bingo!" he greeted Blitzo. He then pointed at Loona. "And this must be Tuna!"
Blitzo waved a hand. "Loona, yeah, and can you hurry up please? She isn't a fan of shots, so let's try and make this quick for all our sakes."
Nearby posters showed various hellhound faces showing various emotions – "How do you feels?" Another one showed a jumping blonde hellhound with "Don't do this!" in bold red letters. Another one showed a red male hellhound looking in a mirror and wearing sunglasses. The caption read, "Look at your life…who is that dog?" On a desk were a bowl of treats, Kleenex, a sink with paper towels, and a radio with teeth around the round speaker.
The doctor stood up. "Oh, come now, it can't be that bad. I see hellhounds every day and there hasn't been ONE that caused any issue."
He dug through a bin of needles and held up a giant needle with green liquid inside. Loona's eye twitched and she growled, fur standing up. Sensing this, Blitzo raced toward the doctor and lifted him up just before Loona charged at the spot where he was moments before. Blitzo jumped before Loona could attack and raced off Loona to the other side of the room. Loona howled as Blitzo faced the doctor. "Yep, right there, told ya, dipshit," Blitzo said. He took the giant syringe and the doctor stood in fear.
For the next several minutes, Blitzo, Loona and the doctor yelled and barked and chased each other in circles around the chair. Blitzo was gripping onto Loona's tail, trying to slow her down. The scared doctor found himself backed against a wall, syringe in his hands. Loona growled and crouched down like a wolf, drool dripping from her mouth. Blitzo spread his arms out wide from behind Loona. The doctor tossed the needle over Loona's head and Blitzo caught it. With a yell, Blitzo charged at Loona with the needle. Loona moved out of the way and whacked Blitzo hard with her tail.
"OW! Sorry!" Blitzo called. Blitzo climbed on top of her and managed to pin her arms onto the chair. Loona snapped her jaws and moved her head to the sides as the doctor aimed the needle at her neck. She dodged to the left, to the right and ducked. Clenching her fists, she broke free from Blitzo's grip and swatted the doctor away with her clawed hand. He fell into the bin of needles and screamed as nine needles stuck out of him. He leaped into the air in pain. After Blitzo helped get the needles out of the doctor, he wiped his blooded lip, one of his eyes swollen. The doctor flinched as Blitzo then rode Loona like a wild bull. Loona tried to buck Blitzo off, but Blitzo managed to grab her nose and jaw and pin her face to the floor.
Blitzo mentioned for the doctor to come over and the doctor nodded. The doctor walked over…and stuck the needle right into Loona's butt. Her red eyes bulged, and she let out a feral howl of pain. Blitzo fell off her back and crashed onto the floor. The doctor helped him up, staring at the cracks in the floor from the impact. After Loona was sedated, she had a white cone placed over her head.
At long last, after paying a very expensive fee of $666.06, Blitzo limped out of the hospital with Loona trailing behind him. The white cone was over her face. Blitzo opened the back of the van and the exhausted Loona slumped down belly-first onto the seat. Blitzo checked to make sure his arm wasn't too broken.
"It's…it's over Loonie," Blitzo breathed. "We got through it. You won't have to worry about it for another five years."
All Loona could manage was an angry slurred groan and a weak middle finger.
"Thanks for…not killing me," Blitzo added with a soft chuckle.
In a tired silence, Blitzo drove them back to his apartment to rest and recover. For despite the dreamy atmosphere of the Sloth Ring, nothing felt quite like home than his small dwelling in Pride.