Chapter 21

A Pact Etched in Stone

2 Years Ago.

Ga Eul was watching the water hit the cliff from her bedroom window, her arms wrapped around herself. She couldn't remember what brought her here. She couldn't remember anything. Only through a haze of memories did she remember a fear-stricken Jan Di looking into her eyes. She was asking her something, but she couldn't grasp what it was. A knock on her door didn't get her out of her trance. Nor did the hurried footsteps behind her. A hand grasped her shoulder, making her head turn.

"Ga Eul, please. I brought us here to unwind. Talk to me. Shout or scream. You can even hit me. I beg you. Say something." Jan Di said, her eyes watery and stained red with tears. Now, Ga Eul had remembered what brought them here. It was another trial of Jan Di's to talk to her. Ga Eul never ceased to wonder why Jan Di ever cared. Why couldn't she let Ga Eul be? She kept following her, hot on her tail ever since Chun Ja died.

Their friendship had already ended on Ga Eul's part. What use could she be anymore? Ga Eul had been only buying time before her time came as well. Still, for old-time's sake, she went along with Jan Di's wishes and spent a night in the vacation house.

"Let's get down. I made us some breakfast. Only things that you like." Jan Di said, taking her hand and ushering her downstairs.

Ga Eul had to listen to Jan Di's forced small talk during breakfast. She would crack jokes and laugh in the hope Ga Eul would join her. She talked about her job at the porridge store, how her little brother had been growing so fast and how her family's situation forced her to cut back on her swimming lessons. Ga Eul noticed the hint of sadness in her eyes when she brought up her swimming lessons, and Ga Eul felt a tug in her heart that Jan Di was suffering.

When Ga Eul would perish, she would make sure that all her belongings would go to Jan Di. She didn't know how soon that would be. Since her sister died, it was bound that she had to follow her soon. She wished when she did perish, it would be in peace. Without anyone seeing her. She feared that if Jan Di saw her disappear that would be all she remembered. That would make all memories of her unreal. Jan Di was the only one that acknowledged her existence. What would happen if she too forgot? Didn't that make her a mere fragment of Chun Ja's existence?

"We're lacking some food for dinner, so I'm going to get us some groceries. Are you okay with being left alone?" Jan Di asked, holding Ga Eul's hand over the kitchen table.

"I don't mind."

"Don't worry. I won't take long." Jan Di reassured Ga Eul even though she wasn't the least bit afraid.

When Jan Di left her, Ga Eul was sitting on a chair by the back door, leading to their backyard. She heard the door being locked behind her, and Ga Eul smiled to herself. She didn't trust leaving Ga Eul alone. Not that Ga Eul blamed her. Jan Di had been following her around and barely got any response back. She even went to her parents' house, but what Jan Di didn't know was that she had been kicked out. Her parents couldn't bear looking at her face anymore. Ga Eul had been living in motels with what scarce allowance she had, and yesterday, Jan Di found her on the street sleeping next to the porridge store's front door. Since then, Jan Di had been attached to her by limb. Never leaving her side.

Ga Eul couldn't remember sleeping there or ever visiting the porridge store. Maybe her feet took her there while she was wandering around the streets. She had subconsciously craved for Jan Di's presence all while being the one refusing it in the first place. But Jan Di didn't understand that Ga Eul was waiting patiently and bidding her time. Only Ga Eul could see the big grey storm by the bylines of her vision threatening to take her away and swallow her whole. Jan Di was hoping for something that she couldn't have anymore. Memories tend to fade away with time to be buried with the dead, and that was Ga Eul. Only a memory of Chun Ja. One of her scattered remains, and it was any minute now that the storm would eat her whole. To be buried down like the rest of memories.

Ga Eul wasn't scared of the storm. There was a certain peace to it, and right now it was looking right at her from the glass of the backyard. It had never seemed so enormous before, and Ga Eul felt tempted to take a look. It would only be a look.

Ga Eul stood by the beach, her feet touching the water. Again, Ga Eul stood there confused. Again, she found herself wondering what brought her here. But the water looked so inviting. The waves were higher than she had ever seen them, and Ga Eul followed her feet diving into the water. Her clothes were getting heavier by the current, and she removed her jacket and continued diving deeper into the water. How come she had never realized how wonderful the colour of the water got much deeper into the sea? She kicked her feet, delving deeper into the currents. She had never gotten this far into the sea before. Gradually, she was surrounded by waves all around her, and the shore seemed like a far promise. She struggled to keep her face afloat amid the choking grasp of the blue water. She kept pushing her weight above the surface, but that earned her a mouthful of seawater burning her nostrils. Struggling to take air into her lungs, she missed the massive current that slammed into her gut, pushing her away. So far away that Ga Eul thought that finally, the grey storm had taken her whole.

A mouthful of salt water spilt out of her guts, burning her throat. That was the first thing she felt when her eyes opened wide. She took a full breath of the cold sharp air, coughing and gasping. Above her was a wet Jan Di spilling water droplets on her face, and crying. She was still pressing her hands down Ga Eul's chest, not believing that her Ga Eul had really woken up.

"I'm okay now. Jan Di, I'm okay." Ga Eul said, her voice breaking while shaking her friend by the shoulder. Jan Di took one glimpse of her friend and choked her in a hug.

"Don't go away. Please, please, please. Dear God." Jan Di screamed in her hold. Ga Eul found herself crying, too. They were both shaking in cold and fear, taking refuge in each other's arms.

"Don't do that to me ever again. I beg you. Please, Ga Eul." Jan Di cried.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me. I don't—I can't—remember. I am so sorry." Ga Eul said, apologizing over and over again to her best friend.

"Listen, from here onwards, you won't leave my side. You hear me?" Jan Di said, pacing back and forth, and Ga Eul just shook her head in response, still freezing from the cold water even with a blanket surrounding her.

"You report to me your every move, and if I mind you missing for even a second, I'll find you myself and take you to therapy. Which should happen in the first place, but since you're refusing, that's your only other option. You'll live with my family until I see fit, and you'll start working with me in the porridge store. I can't believe your parents left you out in the streets with no money." Jan Di said, cursing under her breath.

"And most importantly, you won't ever scare me again like that, and no water for you till the rest of your life. I can't believe I almost saw you die. Never do that again." Jan Di threatened.

"I swear I don't remember what happened. I didn't mean to do it. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't want to die." Ga Eul begged.

"Oh, honey. I know. I'm also sorry." Jan Di said, crouching on the floor next to her on the couch, hugging her. "Promise me that. Tell me you won't do that again." Jan Di said.

"I promise you."

"This isn't just a regular promise, Ga Eul. This is a strong pact you're taking. One that is going to live forever. One that is etched in stone." Jan Di said, smirking.

"I hereby accept this pact." Ga Eul said, her mouth curved into a knowing smile.

The Present

"I didn't know Jun Pyo and Jan Di were going as well. I only told Woo Bin and Ji Hoo, mainly hoping that only Woo Bin would come." Yi Jung tried defending himself to Ga Eul who was curled upon herself in silence. "I just wanted to make sure you would be okay. I was worried that bastard would do something." Yi Jung said.

"It's okay, Yi Jung. Jan Di was bound to find out either way." Ga Eul replied in a soft voice.

"I tried calling you to tell you that Jun Pyo and Jan Di were coming, but you didn't reply."

"I said it's fine, Yi Jung. Can you please leave me alone for a while?" Ga Eul asked him. That had been their routine for two days. She hadn't left her bed, and she couldn't face anyone. Somehow it all ends with her becoming a burden for someone. First, it was Jan Di, and now it was Yi Jung.

She was humiliated and treated like a puppet in front of everyone. She always fell into the same trap over and over again. But it was fear that made her irrational. Jan Di had been the one to catch her at the right moment. What if no one did that to Hong Joon? The idea of his blood staining her hands made her shake with fear. Now she had learned her lesson the painful way. She hadn't felt that small. That belittled and scrutinized in years.

What was worst of all was the look in Jan Di's eyes. She had tried her hardest not to disappoint her, and she wound up doing what was worse. All her lies were becoming unfolded before her eyes, and she had no chance to explain herself. She had no chance to apologize. She broke their pact.

She was thankful for Yi Jung's hospitality, but it was long due before she left. She had to take the reigns of her life back again. She wasn't 15 anymore. She couldn't rot away in her head until her problems solved themselves.

After taking a shower, and slipping into some of Yi Jung's clothes, she decided to go to the garage. She had to get her mind busy and her hands working. And most of all, she had to think. Alone. Grabbing the door to her room, she found Jan Di in front of her. Ga Eul took a step back in surprise. The last thing that came to mind was Jan Di visiting her. Yi Jung stood behind her.

"She wanted to check up on you. I'll leave you guys be." He said, before retreating back to the living room.

"Hey." Ga Eul said meekly, before Jan Di took her in a bone-crushing hug.

"I'm so grateful you're okay." Jan Di said. It took Ga Eul a second before she wrapped her arms around her.

"I miss you. So so much." Ga Eul said, releasing a sigh.

"Let's take a walk. We have to talk." Jan Di said, retreating from the hug.

"Sure." Ga Eul replied.

No one had the courage to talk first. The silence was filled with so many words left unspoken. Ga Eul mustered the courage to speak first. It was only right for her to acknowledge everything that happened.

"I owe you too many explanations that I don't know where to begin." Ga Eul chuckled in irony.

"It's okay, Ga Eul. I'm not mad anymore."

"What? You're not?"

"I'm not mad now, but I was furious that I could barely function." Jan Di said.

"Then what changed?"

"I talked to Jun Pyo. He's not all that dumb.", Jan Di laughed and continued, "He told me that he doesn't tell the F4 everything. That each problem he faces requires a certain guy. That each guy knows certain facts about him, and I have come to realize that it was the case with you."

"I think I'm catching up." Ga Eul said.

"When I saw you getting so close to him, I was engulfed in jealousy, but I never showed it to you. You had that gleam in your eyes back when he came into your life, and I didn't want you to lose that. But it hurt that it wasn't me who did that. It hurt that you were keeping secrets from me, but I never could tell it to you straight on. I was afraid that it might take you away from me."

"Still, that doesn't excuse that I hid so many secrets from you. I should've been more honest." Ga Eul interjected.

"You couldn't because I didn't let you. Ever since that incident two years ago, I've been scared to ask you about your feelings. Back then, it seemed like the best option was to act as if nothing happened. As if what you did was shameful, but it wasn't. You were just scared, and I was as well." Jan Di said.

"Jan Di, you don't have to do this. You can't put the blame on yourself for my mistakes."

"It's not about mistakes, Ga Eul. I acted like an idiot, and made you rules you had to follow like you were some kid."

"That was just you being scared for me." Ga Eul replied.

"That wasn't a way for you to live your life. I shouldn't have given you an ultimatum. I should've listened even when you weren't ready to talk. So when Yi Jung came along, it made sense that you would open up to him more. That pact did nothing but drift you away farther from me. Maybe if I had acted differently, you would have opened up to me about seeing Hong Joon." Jan Di said.

"I should've tried harder, but I let our friendship take the backseat because I was afraid that you would be disappointed in me. That I was still at rock bottom while I promised you I would get myself back together." Ga Eul said.

"You can never disappoint me. I am just glad that I have you in my life. Whether you share with me every secret of your own or not. You can't change the fact that you're my sister."

"I am sorry." Ga Eul said, her eyes tearing up, while hugging Jan Di.

"Don't be. Everything's fine now." Jan Di said, squeezing her tighter.