The Jupiter 2 spacecraft whizzed its way towards a large space station that spun, ever so slowly, in the depths of outer space. As it spun, the alien metal it was made from glittered in the low light of the small star it orbited, like styrofoam coated in glossy paint.
On board the ship was the Robinson party, consisting of the Robinson family: Prof. John Robinson, his wife, Dr. Maureen Robinson, their eldest daughter, Judy, younger daughter, Penny and youngest child, Will, as well as the ship's young pilot, Major Don West, a villainous stowaway, Dr. Zachary Smith, and finally an environmental control robot, model B-9.
The ship was able to smoothly enter one of the station's docking bays through a forcefield-sealed tunnel and put down on its landing legs upon a metallic landing pad.
"Another successful landing," said Don West, standing up from the ship's controls.
"Yes, Major, your percentage of competent landings compared to your abysmal ones is rapidly increasing," Dr. Smith said, nastally, as he unstrapped himself from his flight seat, of which they were all in as part of landing procedures.
They were also all wearing their silver flight suits, which they always tried to wear when entering a strange alien vessel, as you never knew when sudden oxygen leaks may occur.
Still, they took no helmets when they opened the hatch on the ship's lower level and embarked down the landing leg stairs. Penny did carry her small, monkey-like, alien pet, Debbie, in her arms, however.
"I'm gonna let that last remark go," Don told Dr. Smith, who was the first one to reach the bottom, "Because I was always taught it's important to be nice to the elderly, especially as they enter their more demented years."
"Major, I'll have you know-" Smith began, pointing his finger at the younger man, but was cut off by John Robinson raising his hands and saying, "Now, enough!"
The two men stopped bickering and gave him their attention as did his family.
"We're just gonna go in there and rest a bit, maybe do some sight seeing, while the ship's engine cools down. I don't want anyone wandering off, starting trouble, or getting us on any more alien hit lists, that means you, Smith," he said, pointing to the doctor.
Smith looked offended, but said nothing.
The small group made their way along a wide metal gangplank to the futuristic sliding glass doors that led into the station proper.
Inside, it resembled a mid century modern airport from Earth, with some industrial art deco touches in the architecture. The Robinson's looked right at home in their groovy silver suits next to the orange bucket chairs and tear drop shaped consoles where the blue aliens that worked there were using computers that beeped and booped brightly when punch cards with weird symbols on them were inserted into them.
There were many other aliens of various colors, shapes and levels of sentients also milling around the terminal, but one particular weirdo caught Smith's eye immediately.
He let out a womanly shriek.
"Zalto?" he shouted in alarm.
A few feet away from them all, stood a sharp faced wizard wearing a green and black cloak with matching pointy hat that both had mystical symbols all over. Beneath the cloak, he wore a long golden robe and curly toed shoes. Upon hearing his name, the wizard looked over at the man who had said it and stroked his short brown beard for a moment, before recognizing the fellow rogue.
"Dr. Smith!" said Zalto, in an upbeat, cackle of a voice. His beady eyes and pointy nose gave him a goblin-like appearance, but it was the mischievous smile he gave the old doctor now that really made him creepy.
The small dummy in his arms, that was wearing an orange version of the outfit he was wearing and staring forward with glassy, knowing eyes, didn't help his look either.
"Argh!" said Dr. Smith out of fright at merely being addressed by this man.
His fear made Zalto chuckle.
"Come now, Dr. Smith, I hope you hold no hard feelings," he said, sounding genuinely friendly about it.
"For trying to kill me in some cockamamy publicity stunt?!" said Dr. Smith, sarcastically, "Why no, what ever gave you that idea?"
"I was there too!" piped up Will, his little ginger rage overriding his manners when addressing an adult. "I almost died right alongside Dr. Smith."
Zalto frowned.
"Yes, mistakes were made, kid" he said, looking down in regret. "I am sorry for causing all you folks so much grief."
He looked at the rest of the family with pitiable eyes.
"Professor Robinson, Misses Robinson, all of you, please forgive me," he said.
Will and Dr. Smith looked at each other with uncertainty, but Maureen said, "I suppose we all make mistakes from time to time."
"Inspired by his wife, John added, "Yes, Zalto we can forgive you, but don't ever let it happen again."
When he said that, Zalto gulped, because he knew he meant it.
"What brings you way out to these parts?" asked Don, deciding that if the family could forgive the space wizard, so could he.
"I'm on tour!" said Zalto, becoming suddenly excited again.
He snapped his fingers and with a reverberating zap! Sound effect, a poster featuring him and his dummy on it appeared in the air. It billed him as The Amazing Zalto, Wonder of the Cosmos!
"A bit hyperbolic, wouldn't you say," said Dr. Smith, unimpressed. "As I recall you were a lousy magician."
"I've gotten better," said Zalto without missing a beat. He snapped his fingers again and the poster blinked out of existence.
"Even a broken clock is right twice a day," his dummy quipped, and its eyes lit up green when it spoke.
"I agree with the dummy," Smith said, sardonically.
"Great minds think alike," said Don.
The dummy made a slide whistle noise and then, about Don, said, "I like this guy, he's got sand. Too bad it's all in his head."
"Why, I oughta," said Don, making a threatening move towards the doll, but John caught him by the arm and gave him a look that made him realize he was about to attack a toy, and he stopped.
"Don't mind him, he's just extra cheeky because he has to travel in the trunk," said Zalto gesturing to the old piece of luggage nearby. "I tried to tell him it's a box seat."
He laughed at his own joke.
"It's quite an unusual dummy," Penny said in the awkward silence that followed.
"You have no idea," Zalto said, ominously. "He was a gift from my cousin, who, coincidentally, is visiting me currently. In fact, that's why I'm here, to see him and his family off on their way back to Earth before I move on to the next galaxy myself."
"Earth, did you say?" said Dr. Smith, becoming instantaneously interested in what the man had to say.
"Yes, I did," said Zalto with another mischievous grin. Then, feigning an epiphany he said, "Why, didn't you tell me that's where you all are from?"
"It most certainly is," said Dr. Smith.
"Yes, we've been trying to get back there for some time," said John.
"Small universe, isn't it?" Zalto laughed, then his beady eyes widened as he saw someone approaching.
"Ah, here's my cousin now," he said, introducing a dignified looking older man that had the exact same facial features as he did, only with a bluish tint to his skin and graying hair. He was wearing a very old fashioned tuxedo complete with cape lined in red satin and smoking a cigar as he walked over and stood next to his identical cousin.
"How do you do?" said the man.
The Robinsons and Major West said their hellos, but Smith was more cautious about socializing with anyone related to Zalto.
"These are some acquaintances of mine," Zalto said, introducing each of them individually.
"Quite a family resemblance between cousins," commented Smith once he was introduced last.
"Yes, it's a bit unlikely, but there are stranger things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy," the man said to Smith.
"And what is your name, sir?" Will asked the man.
"Just call me Grandpa, everyone does," Grandpa answered.
"Speaking of poetry, where's the big guy," Zalto asked, noticing the absence of The Robot.
"He's looking over some of the equipment on the ship. He should be along shortly," answered Will, knowing exactly who Zalto referred to.
"It's always important to take care of your equipment," Grandpa said, emphasizing with the finger of one of his gloved hands. "I know, I'm a scientist."
"As are my wife and I," said John. "I'm a planetary geologist and she's a bio-chemist. What field are you in?" he asked.
"Oh, a little of this, a little of that," said Grandpa. "I try to be a renaissance man, you know, a little potion making here, some voodoo there, reanimation…"
"Reanimation?" Will asked, intrigued.
"Yes, I actually built my son in law," he said, and then puffed on his cigar.
Before anyone could question that, a seven foot tall monster with green skin, a flat head, neck bolts and a stylish blazer came lumbering over accompanied by a very striking, yet delicate looking woman with skin as blue as Grandpa's, dark hair with a shock of white running through it, and a dress that appeared to be made out of an old purple death shroud. Holding her hand was a small blue boy, about Will's age, which was 12, who had fangs, pointy ears, and a velvet school boy outfit on that looked like it was in fashion over a hundred years ago.
"Speak of the imbecile," said Grandpa, gesturing to the creature.
"This is Herman Munster, my greatest achievement and my greatest mistake, and next to him is my wonderful daughter, Lily, and my little grandson, Eddie." said Grandpa.
Everyone was quickly introduced to each other and then Herman said in a deep, drawling voice, "We were just checking out some of the nifty space shops and restaurants they have around here. The people are so nice and friendly."
"Yes," said Lily, "Not like some of the riff-raff back on Earth, who would rather scream and run away just as soon as talk to you."
"They don't look human to me," Penny whispered to her sister from behind her mother. Judy nodded in agreement. Dr. Smith, who was right next to Judy, whispered to Don, "They do remind one of the brightly colored creatures we've met on our travels, though."
"Or you, that time you were possessed by that Dranconian spirit and got transformed-" Don whispered back over his shoulder, but Smith cut him off saying, "Hold your tongue and you'll keep your friends, Major!"
All this whispering caused Maureen to remark, "You say you're from Earth?" to the family.
She tried to only sound curious, not rude.
"Yes, from California," said Lily.
"Ah," Maureen and John said in realization.
"That makes sense," added Don.
"Of course, we're originally from Transylvania," Grandpa said, proudly. "And our family has a very rich history, not so much money-wise, but reputation-wise! I myself am a count from way back, and Eddie, my favorite grandchild there, is the only werewolf within a hundred miles of where we live on Mockingbird Lane."
"You're a werewolf?" Penny asked Eddie.
"Yeah," Eddie said, shyly.
"We met a werewolf before, named Keel." Penny said.
"That's right," Will said, remembering. "He was big and ferocious."
"How nice," said Lily, then looking down, warmly, at her boy she added, "Eddie will get there one day," and she pat him on the head. He shook his head loose of her touch like a dog would.
"See that he doesn't," Smith said, dryly, looking down at the boy.
"I wanna be just like Cousin Zalto when I grow up," Eddie piped up, looking at his relative, who waved the boy's words away, modestly.
"The life of a traveling space magician isn't all it's cracked up to be," he said.
"But at least you're a real one, not like dumb old Zombo," said Eddie, referring to a fraud he met once.
His father frowned at the name.
"Of course he's real, my side of the family has always been gifted in magic," said Grandpa, "And when we were kids back in the dark ages I taught him everything he knows."
Zalto scoffed at that.
"Whadda you mean? You couldn't pull a bat out of your hat until I told you the magic words," Zalto said, pridefully.
"Now, now, you're both excellent sorcerers," Lily said, attempting to keep the peace.
"That's right," added Herman, "One of you is good at zapping and one of you is good at napping," he then let out a guffaw so loud that it startled some nearby aliens.
Grandpa rolled his eyes and sucked on his stogie.
Zalto and his dummy cackled.
"Oh, Herman," scolded Lily.
"What's that?" Eddie asked suddenly, pointing at Debbie.
"Oh, this is my pet Bloop," said Penny. "We found her on a dying world and rescued her."
"Neato," said Eddie.
Penny passed Debbie to her brother, who held her out for Eddie to pet.
"Reminds me of my buddy, Googie," he said, as he tickled Debbie's chin, then looking at Will's face he added, "You both do in fact."
Will and Penny shared a confused look as Eddie ran his sharp claws through Debbie's fur and both sets of parents watched on, smiling. Debbie, for her part, was more interested in the boy's bowtie.
"Forgive me for asking a stupid question," Judy finally spoke up, "But how exactly did you folks get to space to visit Mr. Zalto?"
"Yes," added Smith, excited to turn the conversation back toward Earth.
"A spaceship, of course," said Grandpa, like it was the most logical thing in the world. "Don't you have one?"
"Yes, the Jupiter 2. We're letting its engine cool down and rest right now while we stretch our legs a bit," said John.
"Yeah, thank goodness for atomic propulsion engines, am I right? But they can be a tad temperamental." said Don.
"I wouldn't know," said Grandpa, gesturing theatrically with his hand toward a large window that looked out over one of the station's landing platforms. The Robinson party had to crane their necks to see that a contraption the size of a family camper was parked below. It was in the general shape of a rocketship, but might have also passed for the tower off of an old haunted house turned sideways. It was made from rusty sheets of metal and nails and had fins that bent and curled at odd angles. Weird, colored, glass filled in the porthole windows and glowed eerily from lights within. The tip of the gothic spacecraft, that had a sharp, wrought iron tip on it, was painted to resemble the head of a very goonie looking dragon.
"That's my ship down there. Homemade," Grandpa said, nonchalantly.
"You mean to tell me you built this yourself?" asked John, impressed, but incredulous.
"Well, it wasn't built in Japan," said Grandpa, waggling his cigar.
"Mind if we take a look?" Don asked. He eyed the machine with all the curiosity of a young boy seeing a new toy.
Will, who actually was a young boy, was also very curious about the unorthodox conveyance.
"What do you call it," he asked Grandpa, as they all walked right up to the window and looked down.
"Fireball!" Grandpa said, excitedly.
"Uh, Fireball what?" Herman interjected, tapping Grandpa fervently on the shoulder.
Grandpa rolled his eyes.
"Fireball W-6XR-L4," he added, reluctantly.
Herman straightened his jacket, proudly. He had clearly contributed that himself.
"Rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it?" he said.
"What kind of navigation unit do you use?" asked Don.
"Transistorized divining rod!" Grandpa said, proudly.
John and Don exchanged perplexed looks.
"We have an astrogator," said Don.
"What about fuel?" asked Will.
"A special mixture I cooked up in my lab," said Grandpa. "A little henbane, some eye of newt, raw plutonium, and poof!"
He gestured an explosion with his hands, which made Will's eyes light up, but not literally.
Maureen looked at her husband in concern. Dr. Smith swallowed hard.
"That sounds like witchcraft," Maureen said to John.
"Magic?" Penny asked with delight.
"Or science carried to fantastic extremes," John answered.
"The science of possibilities," Maureen said, as if it had just dawned on her.
"Yes," said John.
Just then, the mechanical voice of their friend, The Robot, could be heard coming from the entrance they had come from.
"ALL OPERATING SYSTEMS ARE FUNCTIONING ADEQUATELY," he announced.
"Thank you, Robot," John said to the machine.
"IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU REQUIRE?" The Robot asked.
Before receiving an answer, though, the robot began to blink and twitch. His arms waved wildly.
"DANGER! I SENSE A DANGEROUS PRESENCE!" he shouted, aiming himself and his claws at Zalto and his dummy.
"It's okay!" Will said, quickly.
The robot hesitated while the situation was explained to him and then he put his claws down and drew them into his metal torso.
"I STILL DO NOT LIKE THEM," The Robot said, in protest.
"The feeling is mutual, Bubblehead!" said the dummy.
"Indeed!" said Dr. Smith. "Only I may insult this deplorable dunderhead."
"That really is a swell robot you have there," Herman said, wanting to break up the animosity that was building.
"We've got one just like it," added Lily. "It's loading our things onto the ship as we speak."
"Must be finished, cause here he comes," said Grandpa, pointing his cigar at a metal man made of large tin cans, primarily one big oil can that made up its torso. It walked with an awkward gait through the crowd of aliens, none of whom batted an eye at it, no matter how many they had, and came over to the rest of the Munster family.
"I suppose you built that too, sir?" Will asked Grandpa.
"I only supervised," Grandpa said, modestly. "Little Eddie there built it for his school project."
He gestured to his grandson, who smiled a proud, fanged grin.
"Golly," said Will, impressed by the wolfboy.
"IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU REQUIRE, MA'AM?" the tin can man asked Lily.
"No, we're just waiting for Marilyn to finish up in that alien dress shop, and then we'll be taking off," Lily said, pointing to a bank of clothing stores nearby.
"VERY GOOD," said the machine.
The censors near The Robot's bubble whizzed and whirled as it computed whether this other automaton was a threat or not. It finally decided he was not.
"There's Marilyn now," said Eddie. "Oh, wow!"
Everyone looked to see a beautiful young blonde woman step out of one of the shops along the terminal called The Black Hole Boutique. She wore an outfit reminiscent of one Anne Francis wore in Forbidden Planet. Sparkly and low cut.
As she approached her family, she did a little spin, modeling her new dress for her aunt.
"Oh, Marilyn, that's just out of this world," said Lily.
"Do you like it?" Marilyn asked.
"Way out," said Eddie.
"Marilyn, these are our new friends," Herman said, gesturing.
"Oh, I'm sorry, how rude of me," said Marilyn, when she noticed the Robinsons.
She took the robot's claw and shook it while introducing herself.
"ENCHANTE," said the Robot with a little bow.
"Knock it off, you ham," chided Dr. Smith.
"You're related to them?" Don couldn't help but ask as he gestured to the rest of her family.
"Yes, and she's an inspiration," Herman said, quickly, in her defense. "It doesn't matter what a person looks like on the outside, it's the heart inside that counts."
"And you should know," said Grandpa, "I gave you a heart of gold."
Herman smiled.
Grandpa turned to the Robinson party and added, "Or maybe it was pyrite, or copper, who remembers?"
"Well, now that you're here, Marilyn, it's time to say goodbye to Cousin Zalto and then we must be off," said Lily.
"Hey, what's the rush?" Don said, looking deep into Marilyn's eyes.
She smiled coyly back at him.
Judy noticed all this and elbowed Don in the ribs, bringing him out of his stupor.
"I hope you all have a safe trip," she then said to the Munsters.
"Oh, we will," Grandpa assured her.
As the family began getting themselves together, a green skinned, pudgy faced, cyclops alien with a unibrow and little balled antennae sticking out of his head shuffled past them.
"Beg your pardon," he said, politely, and went along his way.
"I wonder what part of the galaxy he's from," mused Penny.
"Oh, I've seen his kind before, they're from the outer limits," said Zalto.
"Looks more like a martian to me," put in Herman.
Grandpa shook his head in annoyance at Herman.
"Regardless," said John Robinson, "You gotta watch out for cyclopes." He was very serious about this.
"I much prefer a good gorgon myself," said Grandpa. "And on that happy note, we must be off!"
He and his family bid their adieus to Zalto, who insisted they come back again soon for another visit, as well as to the Robinsons, who did the same in return, all except for Dr. Smith, who sheepishly made to ask Grandpa a question before the Munsters could shuffle away, but Grandpa cut him off before he could get a word out by saying, " I would offer you all a ride back to Earth or at least give you some star charts, but as you can see, there's not a lot of room for extra passengers and we're pretty much guided by luck and fate, which can be a bit unpredictable."
"Yes, yes," John said, nodding. "We understand."
"It's a shame. I'd love to study some of its instruments," said Will.
"Good luck on your journey," Maureen said to the family.
"You as well," said Lily, and all the Munsters said their goodbyes as they left. Herman even waved like an overexcited child, until grandpa smacked his hand out of the air in embarrassment.
"Now, Eddie," Lily said to her son as they walked, "I want you to behave yourself when we fly past the moon this time. If you bite anyone again I won't let you and Grandpa take Spot and Igor to the park tomorrow night."
"Yeah, yeah," groused Eddie.
The Robinsons watched the strange family leave their sight, tin robot in tow, then turned to the magician and his dummy that were still with them and who had once caused them so much trouble.
"Well, it was nice seeing you folks again, so now, I guess, there's only one thing to say?" said Zalto.
"What's that?" asked Judy.
"Abracadabra, alakazam!" said Zalto.
"Ibbety-bibbety, ip-boom-bam!" finished his dummy, and they both disappeared in a puff of colored smoke.
"YOU MEET THE MOST INTERESTING PEOPLE IN THESE KINDS OF PLACES," mused The Robot.
Everyone shrugged and laughed.
Dr. Smith groaned in disgust.