The ride back from Arizona was long, awkward, and tense. Sheldon had not said a word, despite his girlfriend's disapproval. Leonard was curious about his quirky roommate's trip, but also wanted to relish the silence.
They dropped off Amy, he promised to have dinner with her the next day, he just wanted to sleep. Once home, he took off to his bedroom leaving Leonard in the living room with more questions than answers.
Sheldon was exhausted, but he could not sleep, memories of his train trip permeated his mind, he hated change, but this trip showed him that he had to make big changes, big sacrifices, for his own good, and to his surprise, for his own mental health. With those thoughts, he eventually fell asleep.
"What do you mean you're breaking up with me?" She stood there looking at her boyfriend, her mouth hanging open. His blue eyes matched his shirt as he looked down and fiddled with his hands.
"It's for the best Amy, I cannot give you what you need, I will never be able to give you what you need."
"We've kissed, you kissed me, you liked it."
"Yes, yes, I did, but there's more to a relationship then kissing is there not?" He looked back up at her. She was surprised to find that his eyes were glossy.
"Sheldon, is something wrong?" She hesitantly reached out, but then pulled her hand back.
"I want to tell you, but I can't, not right now. Believe me Amy, when I say I do love you, I do care for you, but—it is just not right for us to be together— it's not right— for you." He looked back to her, he saw she had tears in her eyes, he was afraid of this, he hated when people cried, especially women. He cleared his throat and dusted imaginary lint off the rainbow-colored genetic symbol engraved in his shirt, "I have to go." He picked up his bag and went toward the door.
"Is there any chance for us?" Amy made one last plea.
"No, I'm sorry." He opened the door, paused without turning around, "I do love you Amy, I hope we can remain friends." She did not respond, and with that, he left.
"I'm moving out." Sheldon straightened up in his spot, his spot he would so dearly miss.
"Say what now?" Penny leaned in. She had just come back from her conference and found out that not only had Sheldon come home from his train trip robbed, but with a stranger's pants, (why would robbers steal his pants too? She had no idea); but that he had also broken up with his girlfriend of 3 years. He had to have gone crazy.
"I thought of what you both said that you both need privacy now that you are engaged, I will only move across the hall. I think it would be best for both of us."
"Yea, but Sheldon, you hate change, isn't that why you left on your weird ass train trip in the first place?" She looked over to her fiancé who had yet to say a word. "I mean, you hated the fact you may have to move out, or that Leonard may move out, why now? What changed?"
A lot.
The trip revealed so much about himself that he realized that he had stunted himself in a variety of ways. But he was not ready to share exactly what that meant with anyone.
He twitched, it did not go unnoticed, "I just feel that if I am to be Homo Novus…" Penny rolled her eyes at her friend's description that he gave himself to separate himself from the rest of the world. He rolled his eyes back, "if I am to be Homo Novis" he continued, "then I need to be able to be emotionally superior too, and that starts off with allowing myself to change." This was not the full reason, but he had rehearsed it, it had to be the story he told— for now. He noticed that before the trip his OCD went into overdrive, but then once he was on the train, he swung the other way. The train ride caused him to relax and get lost in his thoughts, and that was when he realized how he stunted himself.
He stood up, "I have my share of the rent paid for the next month, I will move my things to Penny's and Penny can move in here. You can keep the couch; I will use Penny's couch." His statement was met with shocked silence.
"But—but—you love that couch."
"No, I love my spot, but since I am moving, I will have to find a new spot. It has nothing to do with the couch. I was fine before the couch, I will be fine after the couch, now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go pack, unless Penny, you want Leonard to move in with you?"
"No!" Her apartment was too small, they tried to live together, but him in one bedroom caused her to have homicidal thoughts. "I'll go pack too; I'm really proud of you Sheldon." She went over and gave him a light hug. "Off we go!"
Sheldon gathered up the comic books he was keeping, and the ones he was selling. He gathered up his action figures and placed them back in their respective boxes, he went through his shirts and various outfits. He sorted them by those he wanted to keep, and those he felt would not fit his changes. He was not completely changing his personality, but since coming to terms with who he has repressed, he suddenly did not feel the need to keep some of the items he had collected over the years, "Captain America you stay", he said to himself as he placed the comic book to his left, "Flash stays", he continued sorting through his books.
"Coming to dinner?" Leonard popped his head in. Ever since Sheldon shared that he was going to be moving out he had been concerned for his friend. He had been concerned for his friend since he broke up with Amy. He was making uncharacteristic changes uncharacteristically fast.
"In a minute." He turned to his right, "Actually Leonard, do you want my copies of Green Lantern?"
Leonard looked around, he noticed that there were piles of books, shirts, action figures all around his room, "you're getting rid of these?"
"Not everything, but just some, I think I no longer need half of this stuff" Sheldon motion with his hands.
"Um, sure," picking up one of the older comic books, "though this one can make a pretty penny."
"Who is calling me pretty?" Penny walked up, "we have your food Sheldon, come on." Sheldon stood, brushing off his pants, he headed out to the living room. "No Amy?" His question was met with silence.
"Where is your thermal?" Said Raj, an astrophysicist who just got off a long shift at the planetarium, he looked up to see Sheldon finally joining them.
Howard, another work colleague, and his wife, who happened to be Penny's work colleague, sitting next to Raj to his left, looked up at the same time. "Oh, that is a strange sight."
"I realized, I wore the long sleeve shirts because I got cold easily, and it kept sweat off of me, but then I realized that I could just wear a long sleeve shirt over my shirt, and take them off when I get warm, you know, with climate change it will be getting hotter, you have to adjust." He sat down, kept talking, not noticing everyone staring with their mouths hanging open. "It's all part of me adjusting, I need to adjust, I need to adjust" he said quickly under his breath. Looking up towards his soon to be ex-roomate, "this is Orange Chicken?"
"Yes."
"Low sodium soy sauce?"
"Yes."
"Brown rice not white?"
"Take a look for yourself Sheldon…"
"Thank you."
"No question on spicy mustard?"
Looking back up to his friend, "spicy mustard?"
"Yes." His friend sighed in relief, he was not used to Sheldon acting differently, he needed some sameness.
Sheldon had moved into Penny's old apartment, surprisingly he had less stuff than he realized. He allowed Leonard to keep most of the items. He got a cover for Penny's couch, opting for grey. He hung up his pictures on the wall, bought bookshelves, left his room bare to create an optimal sleeping environment. Having his own space would allow him to explore his newfound side without anyone questioning. He could have moved out of the building, but that would have been too different, but across the hall he could have some sense of independence. He heard a knock, he grabbed his book bag, put on a red fleece checkered pattern button up over his black flash shirt and opened the door. His ex-roommate was standing there waiting, "time to go?"
"Yes Leonard, thank you." They walked down the stairs. This was going to be Sheldon's first day back at work after his sabbatical train trip. Human resources had called him to their office, and he was nervous about what they were going to say. Despite all the changes he was making, he couldn't have too many changes.
As if reading his mind, "nervous?" Leonard looked over to him.
"I am not, not nervous."
The car ride was silent, Sheldon had not wanted to play his car games, or dish out facts about buildings or street names that they drove by. He appeared to be lost in his thoughts.
"Sheldon?" Leonard looked over to him, "are you sure you're, okay?" He had been getting increasingly nervous about his best friend, Sheldon did not cope with change well, and before the trip he was told that the university would not let him change his research focus despite being at a stand-still, he was told that his roommate and girlfriend were engaged and wanting to live together, and his own girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, wanted him to move in with her and increase the intimacy of their relationship, something Sheldon struggled with. Not to mention being mugged on his train trip. He was concerned that Sheldon was malfunctioning, it was only a matter of time before he bought a loom or cats (a story for another day).
"I'm fine Leonard, just thinking." The car stopped, "thank you for the ride." He got out. That was twice Sheldon said "thank you" in one day, something was certainly wrong.
"Blaine!", Sheldon smiled at the tall blonde man that stood at the door to Sheldon's office. "Thank you for meeting with me, come on in." He hesitantly sat across from Sheldon. He did not know Sheldon, but remembered when he gave him his number, mistakenly thinking he was being asked out. He remembered the snickers and laughter of his friend group and the embarrassment he felt when he overheard Leslie, another physicist, tell Sheldon he was a dumbass and why they were laughing. He had noticed Sheldon for some time. He was good looking, tall, with deep blue eyes, thick brown hair, slim yet recently putting on muscle. He was cute, but also very dorky looking, which at times overtook his cuteness. But he later learned that he was most likely straight, as he overheard of his courtship with Amy who just transition to the university.
"How can I help you?"
"Well…" Sheldon leaned back and fidgeted with his pen. "You cannot tell anyone, please." He sighed. Blaine looked over to him, he sensed a vulnerability. "I do not know many gay guys", he paused, Blaine responded by coughing. Sheldon leaned in, "you are gay right?"
"Yes, Sheldon I'm gay."
"Me too."
Well, that was not what I was expecting. Blaine left Sheldon's office not just surprised, but shocked. Sheldon asked him to "show him the way", he literally said that. He wanted to know how to live as a gay man. He did not know how he became the ambassador of all the gays, but was flattered to be asked, also considering he may be the only gay man that Sheldon knows. They had arranged for them to get drinks at a nearby gay bar. He was not sure if he was going on a date with him, or was just his Obi-Wan, but Sheldon was cute, and he was sure that he was packing. Sheldon made him sign a contract and took a copy of his driver's license and had him swear him to secrecy, he was not comfortable keeping someone in the closet, but knowing that Sheldon was from the South (no matter how hard he tried to hide his accent, it came out) and the stereotype he had of people from that area, he was sensitive to Sheldon slowly finding his way out of the closet, and if that meant that he was going to be his guide (and hopefully more) then so be it. He smiled as he turned the corner to his office, This. Was. Going. To. Be. Fun.
"So, the university offered me a junior professorship and for me to switch my focus. They also gave me a raise! I mean I'm not surprise, with my intellect and all…" Sheldon had been talking non-stop for 30 minutes.
Blaine was already regretting meeting with him. Blaine put down his vodka-cran and interrupted him. "Shelon, tell me why you want me to help you, or, how you came to the conclusion you are gay." He looked around, there were eyes all over Sheldon, Blaine had moved them to a booth for privacy, but it seldom worked.
Sheldon moved his Cuba-Libre to the side, he was going to go with virgin, but he opted for some rum, this was all new to him and he needed liquid courage. "When I was on my sabbatical, I had time to reflect, I never liked touch, found it unnecessary. I also found intimacy on any level— difficult. I had thought it was because I was a homo novus."
"Is that like a new thing on the LGBTQ spectrum?" He just heard of a furry so he would not be surprised if it was a new term for something.
"No, because of my superior intellect, I thought I did not give into my carnal desires. But after making out with my ex-girlfriend I realized that I do like it."
"So, you're bisexual?"
"No, I told you I was gay." He straightened up and coughed, "I did not fully respond."
"Oh, okay, you liked the act, but it did not get you hard?"
"Hard?"
"You know, you were not aroused, turned on?"
"Oh— no, when she spoke about intellectual matters, I was, but that was how I found out I was gay." Blaine looked at him confused. Sheldon continued, "when I was on my train trip, I let my mind relax, I daydreamed about Spock and it kind of went south, literally."
"Oh, you are kinky." Blaine laughed, and laughed harder at Sheldon's shocked face, "I mean Zachary Quinto, you cannot go wrong."
"No, I suppose not, may I continue?" Blaine nodded, trying to hold in his laughter.
"I never had fantasies of Amy, only was attracted to her mind, but physically, I let myself think of Spock, and then others. Then I met Matt."
"Matt?" He thinks he saw where this was going.
"Yes." Sheldon continued to tell him how he met Matt on the trip from St. Louis to Chicago, Matt was also from Texas and had his doctorate in Chemistry, also a Star-Trek fan. They bonded over their love of Spock. Matt was toned and had an athletic built, longer curly hair. In Chicago the train needed a repair and so Sheldon had one night to kill, so Matt invited Sheldon over to his hotel. Matt kissed him. Sheldon froze, Matt kissed him again. Sheldon responded, responded in a way he felt he should have responded to Amy. Things progressed there. Sheldon woke up the next morning with a new perspective, he saw in color. That was when he decided to make changes.
"So, that was the first time you had not only sex with a man, but sex?"
"We did not have sex, we just— got each other off" he used air quotes, "and made out, but it was further than I went with Amy." He remembered when he had touched her breast with vapor-rub when she was sick and bathed her, he was disgusted at the grunting noises she was making, he knew she was turned on, but for him, nothing rose to the occasion.
"Well, I can help you, it seems like you don't know where to start with picking up a man, are you wanting casual? A relationship? Friends with benefits?"
"Oh, friends with benefits! I do remember that conversation with Penny, it seems the most beneficial." He took another sip. "I also want to have gay friends too."
"Well, I am part of a D&D group, you can join that if you want." Sheldon lit up to Blaine's invite. "We also need to do something about your outfit, I like the ironic nerd thing going on here, but I'm thinking of getting you into jeans, and have you join a gym."
"Isn't that all just stereotypical?"
"Yup, but you have to start somewhere, don't you?" He leaned in and took Sheldon's face and lightly kissed his lips. They were soft, and he enjoyed the full bottom lip. Sheldon kissed back, the Cuba-Libra fully in his blood stream. "Let's go back to my place, I want to get rid of some jackets, maybe you can take them off my hands."
They exited; he did not come back to his apartment until the next morning.
"Where are you going? Tonight, is Halo night." Leonard bumped into his neighbor in the lobby. He eyed his neighbor, he was wearing his Reddit shirt with a black leather jacket, well that's new he thought.
"Oh, I was invited to a D&D group, I thought I would check it out."
"Who?"
"Oh, just random guys from the university and I think from other places, I don't know."
"You don't hang out with random people." Leonard shouted. He was not sure why he was so angry; he was going to have a Sheldon free evening, he should be rejoicing that he was not going to be grilled on how to play Halo with accuracy, or to make sure the controllers were wiped down. "Never-mind, have fun." He headed up the stairs while Sheldon made his way to the doors.
D&D was amazing, Sheldon never felt so at ease. He was able to relax and be himself, a self he did not know he had in him. Blaine was there along with Max, from the university who recognized Sheldon, but Blaine assured Sheldon that the guy would not out him. There was a guy name Ben who was an artist, Michael who was a lawyer, and a bearded guy who Sheldon later learned was a "bear" and a football coach at the local high school, they spent part of the time debating football stats to the amazement of the others. He felt accepted and fully gay. They were nerds, but also cool, cool to him. Blaine looked over at Sheldon fully engaged in an argument about who should have won in the 1992 Thanksgiving game. Shaking his head, Sheldon was full of surprises.
"Michael is going to take me to the gym tomorrow, he said I would look good with some shoulder built."
"Just because you are gay does not mean you have to hang out at the gym" Max said as he sat next to Michael.
"Yes, but it doesn't hurt to go look" Ben leaned back and smiled. "I should go back, I let my membership lapse."
"You are all just a bunch of queens, my god, can you be any more stereotypical?" Max was getting frustrated.
"Not my fault you are insecure about your sexuality" Michael responded, there was a silence. He lit his bong, "Sheldon, you sure you don't want a hit?" Sheldon quickly shook his head.
"I'm going." Max stood up, quickly grabbing his jacket, and left with a slam of the dor.
"Well, what do you think of your first gay clowder?"
"Oh, because they were all catty like cats?"
"Yes," he was realizing he was going to spend a lot of time explaining to him jokes and sarcasm. He took Sheldon's hand and pulled him into a kiss. "Now let me show you some other tricks." He kissed Sheldon's lips and made his way to his neck, Sheldon gasped as Blaine gently sucked on his pulse line. He lifted his shirt and ran his hands down his stomach, Shelon in turn led him to the couch and intensified the kissing as he sat Blaine down. He lifted Blaine's shirt over his head. Slowly kissing his collar bone. Taking Sheldon's shirt off Blaine pushed Sheldon down so he was on top, and then pulled his pants down. Starting from his neck he traced small kisses down his jawline, along his happy trail, while the other hand caressed Sheldon's nipple, the last thing Sheldon saw was Blaine going further south while Sheldon closed his eyes in ecstasy.
"Are you just getting home?" Penny closed her front door, dressed in her jogging gear she knelt to tighten her shoelaces.
Sheldon paused at his doorway, his key about to go into the hole, without turning around he sighed, "yes."
"Didn't know that D&D could be such as party."
"Penny, you have observed us guys playing until morning, why be surprised now."
"Yea, but we don't know these guys", she paused, noticing his wrinkled shirt, "or girls?"
"I can assure you there were no girls, now if you will excuse me, I need to go and take a nap." He opened his door and kicked it shut. He could not get the images out of his head of Blaine going down on him, he could not believe he allowed it. He was fully caught up in the moment. Sheldon was sure that he was suffering from a mid-life crisis. He went from not having any interest in sex to thinking about sex with not just Blaine, but other men constantly. He has yet to fully engage in intercourse, partly afraid, partly wondering if he was a top or bottom, partly not sure if it mattered. When he really thought about it, he was not surprised that he was a late bloomer gay. He grew up in an evangelical home, went to college as a tween, and just thought sex was for procreation. There were so many signs, he always gravitated towards male characters, thought the female anatomy was gross, and when he did force himself to think about sex he recoiled, but sex was always male and female. He did masturbate, but it was all mechanical, he tried porn a couple of times, the last time was on the train, that was when he realized that he paid attention to the male actors, not the female ones. It all made sense.
"Sheldon was out all night?" Leonard went toward the kitchen and turned around leaning on the counter, "playing D&D?"
"That's what he said—his shirt was wrinkled; he probably fell asleep."
"He's really starting to worry me, he comes back, moves out, changes his style, however slightly, makes new friends, and stays out all night with them? Haven't we taught him about stranger danger?"
"Well, Sheldon is a grown man, he's just finding himself, he never got to do that when he was young, maybe the train ride woke something up in him."
Leonard shook his head, "I don't know, he has also been very quiet on our drives to work, I have to come up with car games, it's just so odd."
Penny came up, awed by her fiancé's care for his best-friend, "I'm sure he's fine" she kissed him on the cheek. She walked back towards their room; she was not fully convinced herself.
The club was loud, this was so not his scene. Bodies were sweaty, it was crowded, probably breaking several fire regulations. But he was here because it was Max's birthday. He had started to play D&D with this group a couple times a week, also going out and grabbing a drink or two on the weekends, Sheldon noticed that he had started to consume more alcohol than he was comfortable with, but it helped him relax when he felt tense around these new situations, this was all so new to him. Most of the time he tried to keep his Cuba-Libras virgin.
"I was not sure you would make it!" Max shouted and pulled to kiss Shelon on the cheek.
"Well take it all in, because I might leave, there are way too many people here and…" he stopped as someone backed into him, "and they are all sweaty, my god." He held up his hands, Matt had walked up to Max and started to laugh.
"Well, thank you anyways." Max pulled Matt to the dance floor where Blaine and the others were.
"Are you going to join?" Michael walked up to him.
"No, no, I'll just watch." Sheldon leaned on the bar. Michael stared, grabbing Sheldon's leather jacket collar, he pulled him over to dance with the others. "Well, that was rude."
"Shut up Shelon" Michael then downed a shot and grabbed Sheldon's shoulders and started grinding.
"What on earth are you doing? That is not dancing, none of this is dancing" he motions to everyone.
"What is dancing?" Michael said as he turned around and placed his bottom along Shelon's groin, god that felt good Sheldon thought. Sheldon was at a loss for words, he grabbed his shoulders and followed the motions. Max walked back to the group with several shots, Sheldon grabbed one, why not? "You want to get out of here?" Michael leaned in and whispered; Sheldon nodded frantically. Feeling Michaels rear on his groin was doing things. They walked out hand in hand with Blaine watching from the dance floor.
"Should we go to your place?" Michael said as he fixed up his blonde hair.
"No." Sheldon grabbed Michael's hand leading him out the club, "your place is better, I don't want my roommates to wake up."
"Blaine said you didn't have roommates?"
"Oh, well they are across the hall, it's all very close" Sheldon who was getting bolder thanks to Blaine leaned in and kissed Michael, and with his lips still touching his, "let's just go to yours." Michael took a puff of his joint, put it out, grabbed Sheldon's hand and led him off.
Sheldon jumped as he heard his office door slam.
"Well?" Blaine walked up to Sheldon's desk.
"Well, what?"
"Did you hook up with Michael?" Sheldon noticed Blaine was upset, his veins were popping out his neck, fist in a ball.
"Does it matter to you?"
"Yes!" he paused and looked down, "I mean no, I guess, I don't know. Well? —"
"Yes." Sheldon blushed. Blaine wanted to be happy for him, but he also wanted to be his first. His anger he realized was misplaced, but at this moment he did not care.
"You're a fuckin slut." He stormed out passing Leonard on the way.
"What was that about?" Leonard walked into Sheldon's office.
"Oh, you know, chemistry people." Sheldon didn't look up. Leonard remembered Blaine from a few years back when he tried to pick up Sheldon. Sheldon had no reason to speak to the chemist but he let it pass.
"Well, I'm heading home, ready?"
As they walked down the hall Leonard noticed that Sheldon was occupied with his phone.
"Who are you texting?"
Putting his phone in his pocket, "nobody."
Blaine had not answered his text, Sheldon was confused, he thought he and Blaine were only "friends with benefits" and nothing more. This was why he did not do relationships, too much drama. He had only wanted to learn the mechanics to get his urges out, he was considering a relationship in the future, but right now he was too overwhelmed with his newfound feelings of homosexuality. He did find Blaine attractive, really attractive. He had blonde hair that was wavy that sometimes covered his face. His green eyes were large and inviting. He wore glasses that shaped his face well. He also dressed well; Sheldon noticed that he had started to copy some of his style from the leather jacket, to at times a polo shirt instead of a button up. Sheldon still wore his comic book shirts underneath his own button ups, opting for blues and greys as Blaine said it brought out his eyes, Sheldon wanted to buy all of his new shirts in blues and greys from now on.
Leonard once again noticed that Sheldon was quiet. This had been an ongoing occurrence for several weeks when he drove him to and from work. "Sheldon?" No response. "Sheldon?"
"Yes?" Sheldon turned from the passenger window towards Leonard.
"I am really worried about you."
"Whatever for?"
"You're changing!"
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"Well, yea, but—" he paused, how could he formulate his thoughts, some of the changes were good, the other night Sheldon had not asked about his meal, he only took it. He also noticed that Sheldon just seemed more relaxed and happier. But there were things to be concerned about, at least he thought he should be. "You dress differently, stay out all night, the other night when Penny and I bumped into you and your friend, um—."
"Max." Sheldon finished for him.
"Yea, Max, I swear you were high." He breathed in but continued so Sheldon could not interrupt, "you got rid of several of your comic books and actions figures…"
"Only ones I do not like Leonard, I still have several."
"Yea, but you also zone out…are you sure you are, okay?"
"I'm fine, yes, I was high, but that was because Max took a 'hit'" he gestured air quotes, "and I was in the way, it was only second hand."
"Well, who from your D&D group smokes?"
Sheldon sighed, really this was like being questioned by his mother. "Max, Michael, Matt" he left out Blaine because that may accidentally out him.
"I know Max works at the university, but I know nothing about him."
"He's cool."
"Cool?" Leonard stressed.
"Yea, cool" Sheldon tried to suppress a smile.
"No D&D group tonight?" Howard sat down next to his wife.
"No, I am taking a break from them." Sheldon had yet to hear from Blaine so thought it best to avoid the group altogether.
"Well, we've missed you." Penny handed him his burrito.
"Thank you, Penny, fun fact" everyone groaned, but Leonard smiled, he oddly missed this. Sheldon continued, "fun fact, do you know that burrito means 'little donkey' my grandmother, slash, abuelita used to share this all time, thought it was funny we Texans were excited to eat 'little donkey's.'"
"Your grandmother wasn't from Texas?" Bernadette asked as she grabbed a handful of chips.
"My mother's mother is from Texas, but my father's mother is from a small town called Mazatlán in Sinaloa."
"Wait, you're Mexican?"
Sheldon audibly sighed, "no, my grandmother was, she moved from Sinaloa to El Paso, then went to school in Huston, that was where she met my grandfather, hence my surname, "Cooper."
"So, you are a quarter Mexican?" Penny looked up trying to figure out the math.
"Technically, but my grandmother was mostly of Spanish origin, so yes, her nationally was Mexican, but her ethnicity was Spanish, maybe a little German. So, I am English, German, Spanish, and French Creole."
"I'm German and Italian."
"No one cares Leonard." Sheldon said as he reached for his napkin, maybe he shouldn't have pushed for some of the old Sheldon to returned thought Leonard as he roughly put more hot sauce on his "little donkey."
It was two in the morning and Sheldon heard a knock. It was loud. Sheldon opened the door at the same time Penny had opened her door. There, stood Blaine, he looked horrible.
"Everything okay?" Penny leaned on her door, who was this guy?
"Yes, Penny everything's fine" Sheldon replied as he pulled Blaine in.
"Who was that?" Leonard rolled over as he saw Penny get back into their bed.
"A blonde guy showed up banging on Sheldon's door, Sheldon let him in."
"Oh, might be Max."
"Max, as in the guy we saw, no it was someone else." Penny scooted her body down and snuggled up towards Leonard.
"I can't believe I'm going to ask this," Leonard pulled Penny closer to him, "but do you think Sheldon is using drugs?"
Penny laughed, "no." But it was not out of the realm of possibility, he was acting differently, but tonight he had been close to his original self. "Though, he and his friend Max were both high when we bumped into them during dinner, maybe Sheldon is smoking a little pot, it would make sense why he seems more chill."
"I don't like that idea."
"Why not? If it is helping him what is the harm?"
Leonard was not sure. "Do you hear that?"
"Yea, it sounds like someone is going to the roof."
"Well, if it's Sheldon and his friend, and he is smoking pot, I am going to catch him, he does not need to be ruining his brain with cannabis." Leonard got up from his bed and tied his robe. Penny sighed and followed him; it was no use to try and stop him. He cared about his little buddy.
"Blaine, what are you doing here" Sheldon rubbed his yes, it was two in the morning.
"Sheldon, I had to talk to you, I had to talk to you." He stumbled towards him.
"Okay, coffee first, talk in a minute" he leaned in and smelled him, "maybe a shower too, you can borrow my sweats and a shirt."
After Blaine had showered and sobered up a bit, he suggested that they go on the roof, "it's so nice out, the cool air may help me sober up more." The cool air may help me forget that you are bare balling it in my pants, Sheldon thought, though the next thought for those same balls were not as kosher. They headed up. Blaine took in the air and inhaled deeply, stretching his arms out as if he was going to fly up into the night sky.
"Come, let's sit over here…" Sheldon motion towards the outer wall, "you can see the sky better, it blocks out the light from that building." He pointed towards the left. They both sat down. Blaine leaned on Shelon and closed his eyes. Sheldon still in his Pajama's and his old man jacket as Penny called it leaned into Blaine. "What are you doing here?"
"I like you Sheldon." Blaine looked up at him.
"What?"
"You know what I said." He laid his head back against the wall, turned his eyes so his green eyes were meeting blue.
"We did not establish what we are." Sheldon took Blaine's hand, he was always amazed this was easier then when he was with Amy.
"I know, that was my fault, I did not know I was going to fall for you, but when I saw you leave with Max, it made my blood boil, and then to learn that you lost your 'V-card' to him, oh, man I was a wreck. You are the strangest man I have ever met, but I cannot stop thinking about you."
Shelon looked at him, he gently placed a finger on his cheek, Blaine leaned into it, Sheldon moved forward and gently kissed his lips. Blaine's lips parted and Sheldon was granted access, he ran his tongue alongside Blaine's bottom lip, Blaine returned by biting Shelon's plump bottom lip, this caused something primal in him, he leaned in and deepen the kiss, grabbing the side of Blaine's neck with his hands. They continued for several minutes, oblivious to noise, oblivious to the cold, oblivious, until they were interrupted.
"Leonard, you don't know if Sheldon is smoking pot up there, we are not his parents, let's go back to bed."
"No, Sheldon can't cope with change, he can't cope with use moving in together, he took the train and went to crazy town, I am not letting him go deeper."
"He's acting normal, normal for him."
"Yes, normal for him means he went crazy."
"Leonard you're—" she was stopped abruptly, bumping into her fiancé. He had stopped at the top of the stairs, "why aren't you moving?" She followed his gaze, at the end of the roof, leaning against the wall, there was Sheldon and the drunk man she saw from earlier making out, passionately, frantically, but also tenderly. "Holy crap on cracker" she said aloud, Sheldon and his friend stopped and turn towards the noise.
Leonard turned and raced down the stairs, Penny following him and then Sheldon, Blaine just casually walked behind, they were going to find out sometime, he thought, no need to rush.
"Leonard, wait!" Penny called after him, she heard footsteps behind her, at the threshold of her door, she turned around to see Sheldon who had stopped and his friend Blaine standing on the second step up behind him. "Let me talk to Leonard, I'll come and get you." She went inside.
She found Leonard pacing, "did you see that?" He motioned towards the door. "Sheldon was making out with a guy, I think it's the guy who tried to pick him up a couple of years ago."
"Yes, Leonard I saw." She inched towards him.
"Sheldon's gay!?"
"Well, it seems so, though he could be bisexual."
"No" they turned towards the door, there was Sheldon standing still in his pajama's but without his jacket, "I'm gay, I'm very gay." Penny looked to the side of Sheldon, looking for his friend. "He went inside. Penny, Leonard, can we talk?"
They all sat around the couch, Penny gave Sheldon and Leonard some peppermint tea. He straightened up and cleared his throat.
Penny sat next to Sheldon on the couch. "How long has this been going on? Have you always been gay? Is that why you broke up with Amy?" Sheldon cleared his throat once more.
"I was always gay, as it is something you are born with, I repressed it thanks to religion and how I grew up." He picked at some lint on his green and black plaid pants. "I have been thinking about my orientation for a while, before I met Amy, however, when I met Amy, I was fascinated with her mind, her personality was so much like mine. She was asexual like me, or what I thought I was, for a minute I thought she was into you Penny, more than me…"
"Still possible." Penny chimed in remembering that she and Amy were going to go on a bestie date the next day.
Sheldon continued. "I always told people I did not care to copulate with someone, but that's not true. I always thought I was weird for not having any desires, but then on the train I met a guy who also liked Spock but looked like superman. He kissed me, in his hotel room, and well…" Sheldon blushed.
"Wait, you had a one-night stand with a stranger, in a strange hotel room?" Penny was sure Sheldon had gone mad.
"No, he was not a stranger, we spoke for hours on the train, and I only went to his hotel room because my train was delayed and…" he had no reason, he knew it was uncharacteristic of him too.
"So how many have you been with?" Leonard groaned when Penny asked. Thinking of Sheldon with anyone, male or female was too much.
"I did not have coitus with Matt, we just, um, fooled around, I have only had coitus with Max."
"The guy we saw you with, who was stoned!"
"Yes."
Penny gazed to the door, "so who is Blaine?"
"I've also fooled around with Blaine, but he wants more, we both do."
Penny was sure she was in the twilight zone, "Sheldon you dog!" Penny could not believe it, Sheldon was horny, he just was not always looking in the right place.
Sheldon looked over towards Leonard. "Leonard, I know this is hard, if you cannot accept me, that's okay, I have never felt more alive and freer."
"No Sheldon, I accept it, it's just going to take me a while to process it all, I thought for sure if someone was going to come out it would have been Raj." He laughed to himself. Sheldon followed.
"What about Amy?" Penny was back to thinking about her unusual friend.
"I have not told her, I was not planning on telling you two, but you found me out. I suppose I should tell her, and eventually I want to tell my family."
"Are you sure about that?" Penny knew that not only his mom, but his whole family may not take it well, she did not want him to be hurt.
"No, but you know I can't lie." He stood up, "I should check on Blaine. Please do not share this with anyone, not until I am ready." He headed out the door leaving his shocked best friends on the couch.
Sheldon told Amy the next day, before she was to meet Penny. Amy took it surprisingly well. She had figured it out when she saw Sheldon talking to Blaine and Max at the university. There would have been no reason for Sheldon to talk to Max, who was in administration and Baline a chemist. She knew both were gay because of similar colleagues, but kept the knowledge to herself, waiting for Sheldon to tell her. She also now felt more comfortable hanging out with the group. Three out of six knew about Sheldon's orientation, the other three were going to find out, but like the roof incident, it was going to be an accident.
Sheldon and Blaine had been officially dating for a few weeks, much to the dismay of Max. Sheldon was now comfortable having Blaine over now that his best friends knew about his orientation. You were not able to wipe the smile from Sheldon's face.
"Oh my god that was good." Blaine fell onto his back. Both Sheldon and Blaine realized that they like to be both bottoms and tops, and they would rotate. Sheldon was as large as Blaine thought, but also secretly glad that he was not Sheldon's first. He leaned in to kiss him. Sheldon was still gathering his thoughts, it was Saturday, that meant that it was Dr. Who day, he looked over to the clock, he missed it, replaced by sex. God I'm a hippy now. Sheldon smiled to himself. "What's got you so happy?"
"What has gotten me happy?" Sheldon corrected, no that was not right either. "What has made me happy?" He paused, his brain was not working, he looked over, "you" he kissed Blaine back.
"You're shoulders and arms are looking good by the way", Blaine sat up and eyed his boyfriend. He was sprawled out with his arms overhead, his shoulders defined, pecs wide and nipples wide set, but aesthetically pleasing. His hair growing longer, another change that Sheldon was accepting, he liked when Blaine grabbed onto it. "So, what is the plan today?"
"It was Dr. Who day, but now we have to do something else."
"We can stay in bed all day."
"We can't stay in bed all day!" Sheldon shouted, quieted by a kiss.
"We can't stay in bed all day!" Howard turned towards Sheldon's apartment. He had come early with his wife and Raj to go with Penny and Leonard to the beach, he did not think twice about Sheldon or Amy not tagging along as they both hated the beach. "What the frack?" They all leaned in closer. Silence and then quick breathing.
"Is he having sex?" Raj responded with his mouth open.
Berdette texted Amy, Are you with Sheldon right now? She put her phone down.
"Hey guys!" Penny opened the door.
"We are hearing sex noises coming from Sheldon's apartment!" Howard yelled.
"Quick! Come inside", Penny ushered them in. They all looked towards her; Penny looked to her fiancé. "He is watching porn."
"What?" Raj looked back towards the door.
"Yea, you know, learning."
"But, we heard, 'we can stay in bed all day.'" Raj argued back.
"That is part of the video, you know, making banana pancakes, pretend it's the weekend outside." She paused, are they going to buy it? Just then they heard noises outside and Howard went to open the door before Penny could say no.
"I hope he is not hurt too bad, I always told Max not to drive when stoned."
"Well, that is what happened when he got me stoned, I was out of it for a week…" said Sheldon as Blaine handed him his leather jacket.
"You already are out of it…" Blaine paused and looked up the same time Sheldon did. Howard moved forward, "Baline right? From the university?"
Blaine swallowed, "yes." There was an awkward silence. It felt like minutes had passed. Bernadette spoke up first. "We heard you."
"What?" Sheldon looked at her.
"Bernie" Howard said with a warning tone.
"Oh." Sheldon looked back to Blaine. "Well, I guess I need to come out and just say it." He grabbed Blaine's hand, "this is Blaine, he's my boyfriend, we've been dating for a few weeks."
Silence again.
"I'm happy for you." Raj spoke up. "I always figured you were gay; I have good gaydar."
"Of course, you do." Bernadette turned towards him. "Nice to meet you, Blaine."
"Nice to meet you too, we have to get going, our friend Max, he works at Cal-Tech too, got into a minor car accident, we have to pick him up from Huntington Memorial." With that Sheldon and Blaine went down the stairs.
"It all makes sense now." Howard sat in his spot next to his wife. He was still in shock, a mix of shock and understanding, it was Sheldon, he had no deal, but effectively, it was misdirected.
She looked at him, "what do you mean?"
"His new friends, new clothes, he also looks better."
"Isn't that stereotypical?"
Leonard spoke up. "Well, Sheldon goes to they gym almost every day at lunch, and he is wearing that leather jacket and growing his hair out because Blaine likes it."
"His mom is visiting next week, he wants to introduce Blaine", Penny said as she grabbed her purse.
"Is that a good idea?" Howard said as he opened the door.
"Probably not."
Sheldon's mother arrived early the following Saturday. She was going to the Western Baptist Conference in Orange County and decided to visit Sheldon for a night before she ventured south. He had forgotten to tell her that he moved out and lived on his own, and that he dressed more similarly to when he was young, the button ups, well minus the graphic tees under them. "Now Shelly" saying his affectionate nickname, "what have you been up to?"
"Nothing mother, just workin'", damn his accent, it seems harder to hide it when his mother visited. "I have a lot of things planned this weekend." He exclaimed.
"Oh joy", she smiled remembering the last time he planned for her visit, going to physics lectures, the library, and the train store.
"First tonight, we're going to go to Don Jimenez, a new Mexican restaurant, it's fabulous. Then, tomorrow before you drive out to Anaheim, we are going to a lecture."
"Oh honey, can I skip the lecture, I just want to hang out with you."
Sheldon paused, he anticipated his mother's response, "of course, we can just 'hang'," he used air quotes, "at my apartment tomorrow."
"I would love to see Penny and Lenoard too, congratulate them on their engagement. She also wanted to talk to Sheldon about dumping Amy. That night he called to tell her she was shocked, but he did not say why he did so.
"You can say hi to us now!" Penny was at their doorway, arms open. Her long sleeve shirt cascading over her.
"Oh honey, congrads, let me see the ring." She paused and leaned in, "well that is a mighty nice ring. Must have cost a fortune."
"Oh, it cost him nothing! He made it in a lab."
"Sheldon!" Leonard came up to the door. "Hi Mrs. Cooper." He leaned in and hugged the mother he wanted.
"So, thank you for letting me stay with you since I had no idea that Sheldon moved out." She turned towards him, he recoiled, "are you joining us for dinner?"
"Oh yes, that restaurant is the best, Sheldon cannot get enough of it." Penny smiled towards the still recoiled Sheldon.
"Mighty fine, I will freshen up, and we can be on our way."
Mary was not used to changes, she adapted better than Sheldon, but when not given a heads up she leaned on her lord in her confused state. Standing before her was her son but dressed differently. He wore a similar button up, this time green and this time fully buttoned up, and a leather jacket. He would not have been caught dead in a leather jacket. His hair, which she had noticed earlier, was styled.
"Why Shelly, look at you!"
"Yes, I changed part of my style, do you like it?"
They headed downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs was a very nice-looking gentleman who seemed to be waiting for them.
"Mom, this is Blaine, Blaine, this is my mom."
"How do you do." She nodded to him, she leaned to Penny, "why is he joining us?"
Penny swallowed, "Oh, he's a work friend, he gave Sheldon his jacket, so you know Sheldon, debt and all…" Penny quickly finished and ran up to catch up with Lenoard.
The restaurant was packed, the food amazing. They were on dessert. Mary forgot all about the strange man that accompanied them. "Well Shelly, this was a good place, not Tex-Mex, but still good."
"Mom, this is real Mexican, like Grandma Sofia."
"Yes, yes, she always bragged about her food." She looked around, the patrons dressed to the nines.
"So— mom, there is something else I want to tell you." Sheldon cleared his throat. His eyes met his mother's.
"What is it baby?" She met his blue eyes. She read them, they looked worried.
"Blaine came tonight because—because—" Sheldon took a deep breath. "He's, my boyfriend."
"What?" Mary said almost as a whisper.
"Mommy, I'm gay."
"No, no, no."
"Mom come back!" Mary had rushed out the door.
"No son of mine is—is—you know!"
Sheldon rushed up to his mother. He had followed her all the way back to his building. "Mom!" He grabbed her arm; she yanked it back. Behind them was Penny, Leonard, and Blaine.
"Shelon Lee Cooper" she breathed in. "I am disappointed in you, I knew you should never have come to Los Angeles, land of the heathens."
"Mom, it's not Los Angeles! I was always gay, I just repressed it, the church repressed it, life repressed it, it wasn't until last year I realized who I really am!"
"No!" She backed up, "I am going to sleep now, we will talk in the morning."
"You're leaving now?" His mother grabbed her suitcase and was heading towards the door.
"Sheldon, I can't talk to you right now, this is the worse of the worse."
"Well, maybe we can talk about it when I come home this December." His mother paused at the door; she turned around.
"Sheldon, I don't want you home until you straighten out." She paused, Sheldon unsarcastically reached out to hug her, she put her hand up, shook her head and walked out the door, leaving Sheldon in the doorway.
"Hey Blaine!" Penny had an arm full of laundry, "you heard that his mother left early?"
"Yea, I wanted to check in on him after last night, he drank so much and she caught him in the middle of the night, yelled at him for that too." He grabbed his spare key which did not go unnoticed. "He was going to call me this morning after his mother left, we were going to go hang with some of the guys and play D&D, get his mind off of it, I actually invited Howard, Leonard, and Raj."
"Well, I'm sure he's fine, Penny followed Blaine into Sheldon's apartment. "Sheldon!" She shouted when she noticed he was not in the living room, typically he would be up by 7 AM to watch Dr. Who.
"Sheldon!" Blaine went over to his room, "Oh my god, Penny call 911!" He found Sheldon on the bathroom floor, blood dripping from his head.
"Oh my god, did he try to?" Penny couldn't finish, she was on the phone with the 911 operator, giving directions. When she was done, she leaned down, next to him were small bottles of rum and vodka, and some white pills. "He's still breathing, it looks like he tripped and hit his head, or passed out and hit his head."
"What's going on?" Leonard came in following the paramedics, he saw Sheldon sprawled out on the floor, the paramedics started to check his vitals.
"Oh my god, did he try to?" He put his hand over his mouth. The paramedics started to attend to him, one did a sternum rub, the other put oxygen over him.
"He's breathing, O2 at 80, BP 100/60, heart rate 120." They lifted him up. "We'll take him to Huntington." His boyfriend and best friends followed, Penny busily texting the others.
"We have to call his mom." Penny scrolled through her contacts.
"No", Blaine looked back, "she did this, I'm sure she said something, I told him now was not the right time to tell her."
"She has to know." They pulled into the parking lot. Penny was at a loss. Was Sheldon going to be, okay? He tried to kill himself, his mother had to say something that caused it. His mother meant the world to him. It was just too much.
"Leonard?" A red-haired doctor came running up.
"Stephanie!" He ran up. "You're Sheldon's doctor?"
"Yes, she looked at the others."
"Stephanie, you remember Penny", she felt a tight knot in her throat remembering her ex-boyfriend ex-girlfriend, who appeared by the ring on her finger, fiancée.
"Hi, yes." She looked over at the other blonde, who appeared to be just as tall as Sheldon.
"And this is his boyfriend, Blaine." Penny gestured towards the blonde.
"Oh, hi." Stephanie didn't miss a beat, "Sheldon had a BAL of .30, the level of alcohol poisoning, he took a handful of Xanax, the combination was almost deadly, were stabilizing him and then going to send psych to evaluate him, can you tell me what might have caused him to do this?"
"Me." Everyone turned to see Mary Cooper standing there, tears in his eyes. "Um", she clutched her purse tightly, "Penny texted me." Everyone turned towards her. "Can I go see him; can I go see my son?"
"In a couple hours." Stephanie looked at her watch, it will be visiting hours then, since it is almost seven in the morning. I will go see how stabilized he is, we want to keep his heartrate down." She looked over at his mother, eyeing her up and down and left.
The lobby was filled with his friends, Mary recognized Howard and his wife, Amy, to her surprise, and of course the three that were already there. She also noticed some men that were talking to Raj, a man with dark wavey hair, a burly fellow with brown hair, and another blonde. He had a lot of friends. She swallowed and stood up, rushing out the door. Penny noticed and followed.
"Mrs. Cooper?"
"Mary, please."
"Mary." Penny walked up to her. "I think Sheldon is going to be fine. I am glad you are here."
"Of course, I am here, I just, ugh, he has not done something like this since he was 16."
Penny fell to the bench, not noticing that it was there. "He tried to kill himself before?" Penny's eyes were glassy, she could not imagine Sheldon doing something like that, like this. He loved himself so much.
"Yes, after his father died, when he came back from Germany, he was lost, became even more robotic, did not react to anything. He was preparing to come over here to Cal-Tech, and one day I found him on the bathroom floor." Penny's eyes flashed back to the evening before when they found him. Mary continued, "he had taken some Tylenol, got his stomach pumped. We have never spoken about it, he did not have to go to the psych ward, just 24 hours observation, you know it's Texas" she looked over shyly.
"Mrs. Cooper, do you know that Sheldon wanted you to be the first one to know that he was gay? We all accidently found out, but he wanted you to know." Penny placed her hand on Mary's shoulder.
"But, but the Bible says it's wrong dear." She twisted her tissue in her hand.
"The Bible says a lot of things, does that mean we are to follow all of it?" Mary looked over to her, Penny could not tell if Mary was upset or confused, so she continued, "doesn't the Bible say in the New Testament no less, that women have to keep their hair long, and that they have to wear a wrap?" Mary nodded. "But Jesus never said those things, he said to love your neighbor. He said, 'let the little children come to me.'"
"How do you know all this?"
"I was raised in church, my parents don't fully go anymore, but I remember, I was even in AWANAS."
"Oh my, so was Sheldon and Missy, way better then boy and girl scouts." They turned towards Amy running out,
"he's awake, he's awake, Mary, he's asking for you."
"Shelly dear" Mary ran up to her son, placed her palm on his face. "Oh Shelly, not again."
"Mommy, what are you doing here?" He closed his eyes to her touch.
"You're my baby, of course I'm here."
"But I haven't straightened out." With that she took a sharp breath in.
"Honey, I'm sorry I said that I should not have, of course you are welcome to come and visit."
"Well, I won't want to without Blaine."
"Honey."
"No mother." He sat up pushing himself up with his hands. "You used to wonder why I never had a girlfriend, you used to wonder why I was particular with things, why I sheltered away. The answer is in my genes, the answer is innately who I am. I cannot change it, believe me, I tried, I tried with Amy, a woman who was basically a carbon copy of me."
"But Shelly, the Bible says—" She placed her hands on his cheeks…
Cutting her off, "why would God make 'broken' things? Isn't everthin' God makes good?" His accent coming out with his vulnerability. Mary could not respond, she just grabbed his hands and cried.
"You're not broken Shelly, you're not broken." She looked up, wiped a tear that fell from eyes, "I can't promise I will understand, but I will try Shelly."
I wish I could write a happy ending, but there is not aways a happy ending, just an okay ending. Blaine and Sheldon visited his family. His brother was shocked and took the time to accept them, but Sheldon was not expecting anything less, his sister said she always knew. Sheldon's Memaw, just loved him as he was. His mother slowly came around, he can tell she is not too keen on the idea, but she loves Blaine, they both have an affection for baking, during Christmas all prejudices are forgotten with cookies. Instead gathered around the table are just humans, humans connecting, humans in love.