"Doesn't it seem kind of weird that we're hiding from the Fire Lord in his own house?"
Zuko had to answer that question at least once every fifteen minutes ever since he came up with that idea, and it looked like now was Katara's turn to ask.
He couldn't blame his friends for being apprehensive. He surely woud have been wondering how safe this really was if he had not seen just how little his father seemed to think of anything that had happened back on those simpler times - and that was assuming he ever thought of it at all. But having to explain his reasoning so many times basically forced Zuko to admit, at least to himself, that it was still a very sensitive topic to him, no matter how much he'd rather pretend that he no longer cared.
"I told you, my father hasn't come here since our family was actually happy. And that was a long time ago. It's the last place anyone would think to look for us at"
He hoped that would be the end of it. God knew that spending all morning helping Aang with his firebending to prepare him for the inevitable battle between him and Ozai, Zuko deserved and would very much appreciate some peace and-
"You guys are not gonna believe this!"
...Quiet.
Sokka walked into the yard with Suki right next to him, super excited, immediatelly letting the young prince know that his moment of relaxation had ended almost as soon as it had started "There's a play about us!"
"We were just in town and we found this poster!"
"What? How is that possible?" Katara asked, and Zuko could immediately recognize the that particular tone in her voice - the one his friends always had when they were about to drop everything to do something silly and stupid, like their lives were not in constant danger.
...And if he had said anything about, all of them would just call him a kill-joy and spend the entire day mocking him for being too serious.
"Listen to this" Sokka sounded really excited "The Boy in the Iceberg is a new production from acclaimed playwright Pu-on Tim. His sources include singing nomads, pirates, prisoners of war, and a surprisingly knowledgeable merchant of cabbage."
"Brought to you by the critically acclaimed Ember Island Players" Suki added.
Zuko immediately groaned as his friends confirmed his suspicion over who would be bold, and stupid, enough to make a play about the Avatar during such a critical moment of the war. it just had to be the utter fools that made everything so over the top, nobody took anything they said seriously "My mother used to take us to see them. They butchered Love Amongst the Dragons every year!"
"Sokka, do you really think it's a good idea for us to attend a play about ourselves?" Katara asked, but Zuko didn't have the time to get his hopes up that maybe he could avoid this particular ordeal.
"Come on, a day at the theater? This is the kind of wacky time-wasting nonsense I've been missing!"
And you just couldn't waste your time in any other way? Or at least without dragging me into it?
But Zuko knew there was no way of convincing his friends to just let him just stay behind this one time. At least, not without explaining why those silly theater plays meant so much to him, even with how awful they tended to be.
It was, without a doubt, his family's favorite passtime. Father was amused by the way the Ember Island players seemed to always mock especifically the nobles and generals he didn't like, mother loved all the epic, cheesy romances, and the prince and his younger sister would always have a blast on the beach, performing their favorite scenes - both as mockery and just as a way to play pretend, acting like legendary figures of Fire Nation history.
Everyone always told him he talked too much about his own problems, but that particular conversation was one he did not want to have.
So, he went to the theater. At first, it wasn't so bad. He got to see his friends being portraid as total idiots in a variety of embarrassing ways, and since he was sitting next to Katara, he could hear her trying to save her own skin as she was describing the actions of her character to Toph in as little detail as possible, so she'd at least seem better when compared to Sokka and Aang, but the over-dramatic tone the actress was going for and the awful lines she was saying made sure Toph wasn't fooled. If the whole thing had been just that kind of silly stuff, it would have been one of a fun night for him.
Unfortunatelly, he was a part of that story too, and his character was just as ridiculous. Super exagerated hair, the scar on the wrong side, and a complete inability to take a joke, or even recognize that he was being made fun of. It would have made every boring tutor he ever had sound like the most interesting person on Earth.
"They make me look totally stiff and humorless" he complained.
"Actually, I think that actor's pretty spot on"
"How could you say that?"
Before Katara even responded, the actor playing Iroh delivered another one of his cringy lines.
"Let's forget about the Avatar and get massages!"
"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?!"
Zuko just sighed in defeat and sunk in his seat, hearing his friends laughing at his misery.
But even with those great doses of humiliation, his pride could have survived that night - especially as he got to see his sister looking absurdly goofy, with sharp, long nails that looked more like claws, a face so covered in make up it was nearly impossible to look at anything else, and a tone that tried so hard to be threatening and serious, but only sounded silly.
The problem started when they finally reached the fall of Ba Sing Se. Zuko saw that ridiculous version of himself looking all conflicted as he now had to choose between being loyal to his uncle or to his father, his nation, and his younger sibling.
"Well, my brother" the actress said, in that unnatural way that had none of Azula's charm "What's it going to be? Your nation, or a life of treachery?"
'Iroh', of course, tried to talk him into doing the right thing - or the wrong thing, according to the writers of this play - but it was all for nothing, as his mind was alreayd made up.
"I hate you, Uncle! You smell, and I hate you for all time!" the character of the once banished prince yelled, right as he attacked his uncle, and then ran to Azula's side.
That miserable scene could have been the lowest point of Zuko's night. But the scene went on, and let him know just how innaccurate this play was about to get.
To his surprise, Zuko sees himself picking his sister up and spinning her around as she giggles happily, and the two share a tender hug. He holds her tight like she's the most precious thing in the whole world, and repeatedly kisses the top of her head. It was such a jarring change of tone that pretty much everyone in the audience reacted with confusion. Whoever had been writting that scene clearly didn't have any siblings, as that reconciliation looked a lot like all the cutesy, flrity moments the characters of Aang and Katara had, though obviously it couldn't have been intentional.
"Oh, Zuzu, I have missed you so much" the actress actually managed to speak like Azula that time "I was afraid you truly were too far gone"
"Everyday I spent away from you was torture, Zula. I'd never be able to stand living with uncle forever. My life wouldn't be complete without you"
She pulls away to look into his eyes and brings a hand to his face, gently caressing his scar "Promise you'll never leave me again"
"I promise"
The two siblings hugged, and then went on to fight the Avatar, the intermission starting right after they had 'successfully' killed him.
Zuko had no idea what the hell to make of that. Unlike Toph, who was acting like that was the funniest thing she had ever seen. Well, 'seen.'
"So" she teases with a huge smile on your face "You and your sister got all touchy and sappy when you joined her side, huh?"
"You knowthat's not what happened!"
"Do I? I wasn't there and you'll barely talk about went on while you were accepted back into your crazy family. How can I be sure you didn't get all emotional once your evil sister was finally nice to you?"
"She was never nice to me" he argued, despite knowing that wasn't completely true. Refusing to think of what could have been was far less painful than longing for what he lost after it was already too late to do anything about it.
"I can tell when you're lying, remember?" when he didn't respond, Toph just shrugged and went on "It's sweet you still care about her"
"It isn't, and I don't"
"Come on, Zuko. Those dumbasses barely even know what you guys look like and they still realized you tend to have a soft-spot for your mortal enemies. You're here with us after all"
Zuko couldn't argue anymore after that, and it turned out to be a good thing, as he'd have to spend all of his energy arguing in his own defense just a few hours later.
The following act of the play started with a very strange scene of all the traitors using some strange connection with the spirits to bring Aang back to life, and it frankly looked like something out of a horror story. Whoever was in charge of the effects definitively deserved a raise in salary.
But, as it was typical of the Ember Island Players, there was a drastic change in tone on the very next scene.
Zuko saw himself having dinner with Mai at the ship - their first official date. It immediatelly got him nostalgic... but only in the first few instants. Instead of starting out awkward and then progressing into a really fun night as they got comfortable around each other, all the shyness and insecurity vanishing, they remained unable to exchange more than three words without it sounding like they were in pain.
But the worst part was Azula being 'fashionably late' (an idea she would scoff at and claim to be just an excuse made up by lazy, rude people) and sitting right next to Mai. His sister would talk to and flirt with him on Mai's behalf and then question him on his intentions with his friend, in the most bizarre parody of a parent picking a betroathed for their child.
What the hell was even the point of this? Had he really become so hated in his nation that now even his girlfriend had to be shown in a bad light, as someone dull, passive and who would just blindly follow Azula and bid her every order, no matter how insane or humiliating?
And what was the point of having HIS SISTER acting the 'mastermind' behind that union that was so obviously doomed to fail?
Zuko didn't have to wonder for very long, as their characters finally got to the Fire Nation, and the writers decided to actually show only what had actually happened for a little while. The once banished prince was afraid of how his father would react to seeing him again after all those years, his sister realized the Avatar could have survived and tried to give him all the credit - and blame - for it all, and he went to her room late at night to confront her.
Everything was going perfectly normal for a while, just Zuko realizing he had walked into a trap as his sister was subtly taunting him with her every word and move. Strangely, the audience seemed to get very tense whenever they saw the two siblings getting a little closer to each other. Why was this making them so uncomfortable? It had been a completely normal interaction between him and Azula!
Or so he thought. Zuko had to watch in horror as his character grabbed his sister by the hair, pulled her close to him, and gave her a deep, passionate kiss that instantly made his sister go from a cold, calculating, selfish princess to just a blushing maiden that couldn't help but give into the bad guy's advances even as she tried to talk him out of it.
"Zuko, we can't! We musn't!" she said, still clinging to him for dear life and pressing a few quick kisses to his lips.
"Who would be foolish enough to stand in our way, sister? We are the rightful heirs of Fire Lord Ozai, two war heroes, and you are the most brilliant mind in the whole country. Nobody can tell us what to do. Together, you and I will be the strongest couple on the planet. We'll dominate the earth!"
"Don't make promises you cannot keep! We both know it's not that simple. Our father would never approve of this, and his word is the law. Even after his death, many years from now, I will honor his memory by living as he said I should. I'm an honorable woman, a dutiful daughter, and a proper princess, Zuzu. I would never commit such a grandious sin with my own brother. My engaged brother"
"Mai means nothing to me! You know that! I never would have so much as looked at her if you had not forced her into the role of my future wife. Why would I settle for anything other than you, Azula?"
"Mai is a perfect match for you. Noble, strong, corageous, helped us take down Ba Sing Se, comes from an influential family... and as my friend, she'll always be around. We can't be together, but at least I'll be able to have you near me, and see you with someone worthy of you" she freed herself from his embrace "Now leave! Forget this ever happened! We must do what is right by our family and by our nation!"
He walks towards the door, but looks back at her at the last second "You will be mine, Azula. It's a promise."
Zuko was in disbelief. Of all the people those insane writers could have his character have a forbidden romance with, they chose HIS SISTER?!
This had to be a nightmare.
Unfortunately, if it was, it looked like it was a pretty long one, for as the play went on, everytime it focused back on the Fire Nation, Zuko would be courting Mai - who would act more and more like his sister to get along with him, even going as far dressing as her. Azula herself, of course, would occasionally keep an eye on them during their dates, supposedly to make sure they wouldn't go too far before marriage, but it looked more like she wanted to get as close to experience being his girlfriend as she possibly could without full on commiting incest.
His friends were awfully quiet during it all, which only made him more anxious. They weren't thinking this was what actually happened, right?
Zuko had to witness yet more immoral acts between his character and his sister's, as, of course, the writers decided that his fight with his girlfriend at the Boiling Rock was the perfect source of drama - but they wouldn't waste an opportunity to push the strange incestuous romance they seemed so fascinated by.
"How did you know I was here?" he asked, watching his sister close the door of the cell he was being kept at.
"Because I know you so well"
"But, how-"
"The warden is your bride's uncle, you idiot" the word 'bride' sounded like an insult in her voice "The truth is, I guess I don't know you. All I get is a letter? You could have least looked me in the eye when you ripped out my heart"
"I didn't meant to-"
"Didn't mean to?" "Dear Azula, I'm sorry you that you have to find out this way, but I'm leaving."
"Stop! This isn't about you. This is about the Fire Nation"
"Thanks, Zuzu, that makes me feel all better"
"Zula, I never wanted to hurt you" "But I have to do this to save our country"
"Save it? You're betraying our country!"
"That's not how I see it. And how dare you complain that I left? You were the one who refused to be with me and instead kept yourself busy with those childish games, turning your friend into a puppet that would do everything you weren't brave enough to"
"I already told you, I did it for us! For our family! If this thing between you and me ever becomes public, we would be doomed! And even if it didn't, it'd still be treason! I couldn't let things get out of hand!"
"Well, they did. In fact, that's exactly what happened the second we saw each other again after all those years" he pulled her closer and would not let go no matter how much she struggled to be free of his grasp. Apparently she had conveniently forgotten she could firebend "You and I were made for each other, sis. Don't fight anymore. Help me escape. Run away with me. I'll make sure you never regret it"
The two of them kissed again, and this time they weren't holding back at all, to the point that Zuko had to wonder if the actors were really that good at pretending to be attracted to each other, if they were really sleeping together.
The absurdity of it all must have made him numb to how disgusting this was, for he did not feel even a little bit grossed out as he watched the incestuous scene playing out before.
Before the two characters could get to it right then and there, a guard showed up, claiming it was not safe to leave the princess alone with a wanted criminal.
As it had happened in real life, Zuko found a way to go to his friends, all of them very nearly escaping the horrible fate of falling into a boiling lake because Mai decided to intervene.
Azula, of course, was furious.
"Leave us alone" she commanded, and every guard obeyed, going into the building immediately "I never expected this from you. The thing I don't understand is why. You know the consequences"
"Yes, and I also know you, Azula. If Zuko died, you would never forgive yourself"
"You think I'm gonna believe that you helped a traitor for my sake?"
"I don't care what you believe, I only care about preventing you from distroying yourself. It's just us now, you can admit it. You love Zuko more than you fear your father"
"Silence!" she snarled "You forget yourself, Mai. It's a pity, you were always the perfect right-hand woman" Azula signaled for the guards "Take this prisoner to a cell. Lock her away and let her rot"
Already drained by the unbelievably cheesy, yet somehow still disturbing, story playing out before, Zuko had prayed that this was the end of it.
But no. Like in any great epic, the villains had to be defeated. And before Aang was killed, Zuko watched himself interrupting his sister's coronation, showing up out of nowhere, all by himself. Ready to get his reveange, his crown. To punish the woman who had rejected him.
"Sorry, but you're not gonna become Fire Lord today. I am"
Azula laughs like his challenge means nothing to her "You're hilarious"
"And you're going down"
The sages and guards all prepare to attack him in case he takes even a step closer to his sister, but she simply raises her hand in a sign for them to stand back "You want to be Fire Lord that badly? Fine. Let's settle this. Just you and me, traitor. The showdown that was always meant to be. Agni Kai!"
"You're on" he says, a wicked smile on his face.
The two prepare and lock eyes one last time as their duel is about to start.
"I'm sorry it has to end this way, sister"
"No, you're not"
The fight looked great - but probably the best effect of the night - and the music really highlighted the tragedy of the situation. Zuko would have probably been completely invested in it and ready to praise the people who wrote it all if he had been just a regular guy watching a play about people he knew nothing about and never would meet.
...He also would have appreciated it much more if his character had won.
"What are you waiting for? Kill me!" he demanded pathetically, chained up and furious "Do it!"
"I don't think so. Death would be too merciful for someone like you. You'll stay locked away forever for your crimes, brother" she kneels before and starts playing with his hair "But don't worry, I'm not completely cruel. I'll make sure you won't be lonely... but you will be put in your place"
After that, he just had to watch his father kill Aang and it was all finally over.
As if all that he had seen wasn't already surreal enough, he had to go through the awkward situation of having girls dressed like his sister trying to act all flirty with him as he left the theater with his friends - friends that had not said a word in many hours.
"Please say you guys didn't believe any of that" he begged as soon as they were all at his family's old beach house again.
"Look, we're not saying we think everything went on exactly like in the play, but it was very convincing" Suki said.
"Oh come on, you cannot be serious! You seriously think I'd sleep with my sister?"
"Royals do it all the time" Sokka argued.
"Yeah, a million years ago, not now"
"Which is why you and Azula had to keep it a secret" Toph joked.
"THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED!"
"Wait, so you really did want to let people know of your relationship?" Aang sounded very surprised, and slightly confused "I thought the writers just wanted some drama"
"We were not..." he sighed, then looked at his blind friend "Toph, you can laugh about it later. Please just help me clear things out here. You'll know if I'm lying"
She thought about it for a moment, seeming a bit torn between wanting to be nice to him and wanting to enjoy his misery.
At last, she took pity on him.
"Fine. Was Azula forcing you and Mai into this engagement?"
"No. We weren't even engaged at all"
"Did you ever sleep with your sister?"
"No!"
"Alright. Did you two ever make out then?"
"Again, no"
"And you also never thought so much as thought about her like that either, right?"
"Of course I didn't!"
All the color disappeared from Toph's face, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.
"What? What's wrong?" Zuko asked, worried for his friend... and then for himself as he realized what the reaction meant.
Don't say it, don't say it, Toph, I'm begging you, don't say it.
"You're lying"
Zuko ran to his room, repeating to himself over and over that, for the first, Toph had made a mistake. He did NOT think of Azula that way. Not for a single second. All of this was just some sick joke by the universe.
But the same words echoed in his mind the entire night.
Ember Island reveals your true self.
Maybe somethings were better left unacknowledged.