Disclaimer: Nothing mine. A. N. Happy Birthday, Old Ping Hai, love! So, this stupid bunny bit hard and is currently way closer to canon interaction than you probably like. XD But I promise, better things are ahead!

Realization

Crowley was almost used to getting summoned by the Winchesters by now. After all, the boys did occasionally need someone smart around. Moose could do, mostly. But let's be honest – they were both better at plunging into messes than working themselves out of them. Besides, they kinda grew on you after a while. And they were easy on the eyes, which didn't hurt. Pretty fungi - and lethal, like the most striking ones tend to be. Yeah, that's what they were.

Still, if he was careful enough, he should be able to enjoy the entertainment they could offer and live to tell the tale.

Only Squirrel was there when he answered the call this time, which was a pity. Crowley had always been a bit greedy, and Moose...well, he could offer more, in every meaning of the word. It was obvious.

Dean welcomed him with an especially venomous, "Fucking witches." Not that Crowley minded - never been particularly fond of them himself. Especially one, but this was neither here nor there.

"I thought at least you'd be able to handle those," he retorted. Seriously, he couldn't do every job for them.

Dean flinched, and that was concerning. Something had to be very, very wrong. ...Witches couldn't actually trigger apocalypse-tiered events, could they? Surely not without Crowley being informed. "I should have. But - the fucker disappeared, and Sam..." Dean's voice waned. Oh fuck.

"Maybe I should talk with him?" How bad could this be? A little curse to be undone? If he was lucky, maybe sex magic?

"You gotta find him first," Squirrel snapped.

Oh. So the witch didn't run away alone. "I thought you'd call your angel," Crowley said. Not that he was unwilling, but he shouldn't have been Dean's first go-to.

"Angels can't find us, and Sam isn't praying to him, so he's either unconscious, amnesiac, or..." The boy couldn't finish his sentence, again. Winchester apocalypse, then, not an universal one.

"Nah. If he was dead, I'd have heard. No matter where he went. These things make noise." Yes, the Winchester boys died a lot. But keeping track of them was always the smart option. He still had a few acquaintances who owed him. He'd have got a text.

He didn't mean to be comforting - it wasn't like he was their pal - but if the truth made Dean take one deep, slow breath, and maybe stop planning suicide for the day? He didn't regret the side effect. He stretched out a hand. "Something of Moose's? I can't exactly pinpoint him with nothing to go on, either."

Dean glared a little, but went to fish a t-shirt out of a duffel, and handed it over.

"Be back soon. Possibly with Sam in tow," Crowley promised, before disappearing.

A loud "Hey!" echoed while he vanished.

Yes, he could have used a spell. Right there in their room. But given what he'd been handed...well, Juliet had been as bored as him lately. Being king wasn't all that it's cracked up to be. A good tracking? She'd have a field day. Somehow, he suspected that using a hellhound to find his brother would make Squirrel protest.

His best girl wagged her tail at his arrival, and plunged her snout excitedly into the profferred clothing. "Go get him, Juliet," he ordered with a smile, and she zoomed out, a blur even to his eyes.

He trusted her. If she was told to, she'd happily rip anyone apart. If she wasn't allowed, she could be as gentle as anything. Maybe she was part lab - he had no doubt that she could hold an egg without damaging it too, if he ever got into his head that she needed to carry it for him.

A couple hours later, she was back, whining softly, no Moose to be seen. But she wasn't hurt, either, so it wasn't because he'd violently objected to following her.

Did you find him?"

She barked once, loud and clear.

"Lead the way." He needed to see this for himself. And then...well, he'd decide what to do about it.

He didn't expect to end up on a random Florida beach, summer sun beating down on him. At least 800 miles from where Dean had summoned him. Maybe the witch had mastered teleportation. Still, there was no Moose to be seen anywhere - the place was completely empty, in fact. It wasn't like his target was easy to miss.

"Did they move on?" he asked Juliet.

She shook her head and delicately took his sleeve, tugging him towards the sea. That didn't bode too well. Oh, damn. He needed to stop fretting. On a whim, he miracled himself some new attire. Dark shorts, a red hawaiian shirt, and just to be ridiculous, a lei to complete the ensemble.

It wouldn't do to have Moose realize that he did his brother's bidding, after all. If anything, it should have been the reverse. Stumbling on him while on holiday? Well, if it happened, it happened.

Still, he didn't see anything...Until his feet were literally in the shallow waters. At least, he wouldn't have to rip anyone a new one for not sharing the news. Instead of a drowned body (because what the fuck would Moose be diving for), iridescent eyes looked, for once, up at him from further offshore.

Ok, the witch had decided to have fun. Turning a hunter into a monster? Crowley could see the appeal. Still, if they thought that, whenever Dean eventually found his brother, he'd consider killing him...They should have read the books.

Sam made for a pretty merman, though. Very much scales were in shades of red, and a random thought made Crowley unconsciously grin. He should have skin, no scales at all, in black and white. Killer whales were counted among a moose's predators, after all. He had to admit, though, Sam looked gorgeous in that color. But a spray of blood was always the best way to sprinkle that nuance on him.

Sam emerged from the waves, just a little, asking, "Do I know you?"

Amnesia, then. So that, if he was found, he might attack without recognizing? See, this is where the witch had been stupid. He should have picked Dean for that. Sam was the research first shoot later kind of guy. The idea might have been interesting. Execution flawed by poor understanding. He'd have to see if this specific witch depended on a demon's power, because frankly? Resources were being wasted.

"What do you think?" He couldn't resist. Besides, when Moose got all frowny while focusing - like he was doing - he looked surprisingly cute.

"I am not sure," Sam admitted, with a sigh. "My brain seems to be a little...fuzzy."

Well, that was one way to put it. A terrible, stupid temptation seized Crowley. Like this, Sam would be so easy to manipulate. He could have said anything. He could have...kept him. Moved to another mansion. One with a pool. Showed him off.

He'd have to find a way to avoid answering summons, and spend the rest of their lives running from Dean, but what a trophy it would be. Trophy husband, even, perhaps. He held back the chuckle that almost burst out. He doubted that Sam would appreciate being laughed at.

"We do know each other, yes, Moose." A smirk broke through, though.

"Moose?" His reaction was half-baffled, half-exasperated.

"You didn't always look like that," Crowley explained.

"A...no, that wouldn't be a centaur, would it?" So not all the boy's memories had been wiped.

This time it was impossible not to laugh. "Nope, full human. Well, for most intents and purposes, at least. Just so exactly the right size that it's almost a pity someone else didn't see it."
That got him the bitchiest of faces, but fine. He deserved it.

"So, with this knowledge...what would you guess was our relationship?"

Sam swam a little further, and then glanced at him as if embarrassed. "Well, the pet name, and...I have the impression I wondered how it was to kiss you, once..."

He did, didn't he? Asked about it, after his little deal with Bobby. If he knew it was an option, Crowley would so have offered a sample, free of charge. Or two dozen. But well, with the apocalypse ongoing, and Dean there... Bad timing. And now?

Crowley wouldn't even have to actively deceive the man. He was doing it all by himself, like a good pet. Though, why had he forgotten about the angel and not this? Did he not rank high enough in Sam's thoughts to deserve erasing? Should he be offended?

Eventually, though, everything would come to light, undoubtedly. And then he'd have a pissed off Moose on a very focused murder mission. Nah, it wasn't worth it. But if he played his cards right, he could do better than that.

"You never told me that," he replied instead, "but I am glad you did, now."

"What if I had a good reason?" Sam's new tail splashed nervously.

"Probably you thought you had a minimum of five or six great reasons. But it doesn't mean you were right. Because you see, I always aim to please." That was how he closed more contracts than anyone else. You had to make sure the client was satisfied.

"Oh, do you?" Sam smiled.

"Absolutely."

"You said I was human. Could you help me go back to that? Or - do something for my memory besides helping me by playing twenty questions?"

"You're lucky, Moose. I can do both, and more. In fact, normally I'd do it for a kiss." He smiled back.

"Yeah?" Sam swam forwards again.

"Of course. Just this time, though... No charge." He didn't fancy being murdered for trapping the boy into a deal. "Of course, it doesn't mean that I'd refuse gratuities."

"Come here."

"Or you could get over here". A calculating glance said that Sam wasn't entirely sold on this.

"I understand. Getting beached doesn't sound like a good idea. But you'll no longer have a tail, or gills. In fact, you'll want to rush back. Do you want your life and an intact brain? Or not?" Crowley turned around. He could always just inform Dean - it was a minor miracle he hadn't been resummoned already - and leave him to find a way out of this. But earning himself some gratitude wasn't a bad idea.

"Wait!" Seconds later, Sam was awkwardly lying at his feet, most of his body not covered by the waves anymore.

Crowley crouched, a hand going to that gorgeous mane. "Let me see..." Mmmh... Definitely a spell done with demonic assistance. While he had learned many things about magic in general, this made things even easier for him to fix. No need for rare ingredients or getting the right moon phase, like a natural born witch's work might have needed. He could just use his power - any inferior demon's influence would melt.

He just wished it wasn't obvious when it worked by the way Sam scrambled away, yelling his name in accusation as if Crowley had been planning something devious. Oh, and of course, that pretty tail was gone. Fine, being suddenly fully aware and naked could make anyone nervous. Still.

"If I wished you harm, you would have already been on your way to sashimi, Moose," he pointed out, turning around and walking away. This could be a very stupid move, but at least the other had no weapons at hand, much less ones that could affect him.

His intention had been to give Sam his t-shirt back, for a start, but Juliet had curled on the sand, fell asleep on it, and by now, the thing was drenched in her slobbering. Oops.

"I seem to have ruined some of your clothes, so let's consider this as compensation, ok?"

A thought, and Sam was dressed in a pretty good approximation of his usual style. Crowley itched to actually give him some quality clothing, but in this weather and place, a good suit would have been just as out of place, if not more. And he doubted that a bathing suit would have been appreciated.

"What are you doing here?" Moose didn't seem inclined to attack him, but he wasn't relaxed, either. Or grateful. That would have been nice.

"Fixing you. I have to say, you made for far more lovely company when you were half out of that pretty head of yours. I'd offer you a lift back, too, but you'll need the magic word for that."

"A spell?" Sam frowned, again.

Crowley rolled his eyes. "Please:"

Moose blushed. Then gave him another bitchface, because of course he did. "I'll manage."

"Oh, I'm sure you will. Call your brother, maybe. You know he's a fretter." Crowley smirked. It was the only way to handle these boys.

"You stay away from Dean." Aaand there it was. As if he'd gone out of his way to harm them. He always preferred a good, fruitful cooperation.

"Believe me, Moose, I don't wish for anything else." And with that, he disappeared.

Winchesters. Maybe someday, they'd learn.