Chapter 1: Chance
Notes: No, I don't know what card game they are playing. Prompt: Chance!
"Oh come on, try harder than that," Helmeppo grumbles, fingers moving faster than the eye can see to pluck the Ace of Spades card out from Nami's cleavage pocket. "That's the oldest trick in the book," he adds.
"Or was it just a distraction, hm?" Cat Burglar Nami just smirks at him, long orange hair piled high on her head, a bead of sweat rolling down her nape. He rolls his eyes behind his shades, immune to the casual sex appeal.
"Sir, we're getting a call from G-28."
Helmeppo turns, looking up from the card game he was currently losing with Nami. The Lieutenant is shuffling his feet from side to side, eyes flicking between him and the pirate, jumpy anxiety just below the surface. Trust the Strawhats to show up when they are taking out a rookie crew for some standard training exercises. He lets out a long sigh and drops his hand onto the table, the navigator gleefully snatching the brand new and very shiny gold plated fountain pen he'd bet. "Alright, we gotta wrap it up." He twirls his index finger in the air, an almost pout forming on Nami's lip glossy lips. Disappointed that she wouldn't get the chance to fleece him for all he's got, no doubt.
She cups a hand over her mouth and hollers at the rest of her crew to re-board their ship, Helmeppo waiting until his ears stop ringing to give her a look. There's a collective "aww" of dismay from exactly one person. But he's the Captain, so he speaks for them all. Ugh, Helmeppo doesn't even want to look in the direction of Strawhat Luffy. He still had scars of the mental variety from the last time they'd met up.
"You know we can't let pirates go that easily." Nami tilts her head, a shit eating grin tilting up the corners of her lips at his words.
"Oh, and what do you propose we do?" She steeples her fingers together, eyes practically beri.
"We play for it, obviously. If you win, we let your crew go. If you lose…" Helmeppo trails off. If they lose it'll be a big fight and he just got a pedicure. However, Reputation was Important. Especially for the Fleet Admiral.
A practically sinister smile befalls those luscious lips and she reaches for the cards on the table–
"Ah-ah-ahh, we lay a few rules down first."
"You Marines and your rules, we're pirates, don't you know? A little bit pointless." She winks at him.
"Yeah yeah, but you'll abide them or we take your jolly roger. I know Koby has been wanting to put it up somewhere in his hou–"
"Fine fine, okay, 3 rules each," she waves him off. The sun glistens off her tanned shoulders, the skin still so smooth despite the both of them being in their fifties at this point.
"Gimme your terms." Helmeppo leans back in his chair, arms crossed. The Lieutenant has schooched away, watching with huge eyes from behind the main mast.
"No hostages," she holds up a finger. Yeah fine, Koby would never do that anyway, and Helmeppo would never hear the end of it if he tried it.
"Our treasure is off limits," two fingers in the air like a peace sign. That was a shame, he really would enjoy the extra beri for some quality seaking leather boots. Crimin had just released their new line and oh, Hibari would kill him if he dropped that pretty penny from his paycheck.
"And every move can take no longer than twenty seconds." Helmeppo pursed his lips. That would make spotting her cheats and tells tricky. But, gambling was supposed to be a thrill, so he nodded anyway.
Now for his terms. "No help or assistance from your crew." Nami exaggeratedly stuck out her lower lip. "No weapons or tools," now she pouted a little bit for real. No bullshit mirage cards, he'd learned that trick. "And I distribute the cards." She blinked at him innocently. In the background, he could see Cyborg Franky loading a crate of booze back onto their ship, the bright blue sky a shade darker than his wild blue seagull hair sculpture.
With that settled, the game began. And of course, he found a 53rd card in the deck. Nami didn't even have the decency to look ashamed.
The first few rounds were quiet, picking up cards and making matches, aiming themselves to be in a good position to be the first one to have no cards in hand.
It wasn't until the fourth round of pick-up that Helmeppo decided to make a play. Nami thus far had only tried to slip a jack of clubs out of the deck, so he may as well get her to pay for that. "So, Nami, Nami, Nami…" she tilted her head, eyelashes thick with what had to be a quality mascara. Perhaps Iva Brand, or Swan Clay. Nothing but the best for a world class navigator. "If you… pick up the next two cards, I would be willing to…mention the next island a certain dark haired swordswoman happens to be visiting."
Tashigi would be delighted, Smoker would have something to do for a week instead of throw around "weak pathetic garbage embarrassing pirates", and Helmeppo would be in a position to drop three cards from his hand.
Nami picked up two cards, smiling at him. Black Foot Sanji passed by them to ask Nami what she would like for dinner but she shooed him away. High praise to be the object of her attentions. Sanji gave him a murderous look but was immediately distracted by Roronoa saying something. Some things do not change.
"Oh Helmeppo-san, if you were so inclined to perhaps pick up the next card, why I'd quite possibly let slip the code word to get into Cavendish's new salon…" She grinned as he picked up the next card. Who was he to pass on an offer like that? His blonde locks needed a touch-up, gray was only a good look for him at the temples.
Ah, damn, a jack. He'd played into that one, her sneaky smuggled jack would force him to get creative in ridding this one from his hand. No matter, he knew she would be unable to resist his next trade.
"If you happen to not pick up for the next round, I can drop a hint at where Buggy the Clown's latest treasure hoard has been buried." With an elaborate sigh, she didn't pick up any new cards. On and on they went, her crew eventually settling in to watch, except their captain. Who was somewhere. Doing something that Helmeppo probably did not want to know about. Or hear, or really any of the horrors that were now happening before his very eyes.
Nami made a face, the rest of the Straw Hats rolled their eyes. Helmeppo gagged a little in his mouth. "Wow, remember when Koby was shy? I remember," the sniper commented drily, looking away from the disgusting performance on the crows nest.
"Think I prefer this over the terrible swooning and innuendo while they fight," Roronoa snorts.
"Should I provide them some romantic music? Yohohohoho!"
"Don't distract them, Captain-chan may get stuck and have to have an amputation," Nico Robin says in that voice of hers that Helmeppo always regrets hearing.
"Yow! That would not be SUPER!"
"I don't know if that um…position is good for Koby's back, I'll go make up some ointment," Chopper says, shielding his eyes. Though he's in his forties, somehow, he is still a baby. Helmeppo wishes he could get that comment out of his mind though, along with the images. His retinas are burning. The crew did not need to see their Fleet Admiral engaged in a lip lock battle of the ages with the King of the Pirates. Decorum! Come on!
"Let them be. Happiness is special," Son of the Sea Jinbe chuckles. They all shoot him a look. They can be happy, but did it have to be RIGHT THERE? Right in front of his card game?!
"Okay, how about this? Lose so we can stop looking at the two of them being…that," Nami states, deadpan.
It's a deal!