Chapter 7: Overworked

Summary: Kuzan needs a secretary.

"Kuzan-san, you should get a secretary," Hina stated blandly, taking in the disaster that was his office.

"You interested?" He yawned. The look she gave him was unnecessary. Yes, there were papers, folders, bottles and cans everywhere. Yes, he had a number of overdue projects. Yes, Sengoku kept glaring at him in the Mess Hall. And on the training grounds. And in the gardens.

But in his defense–

"Garp-san doesn't do paperwork."

Hina blinked slowly at him, using her impressive ability to make him feel like a child. "He has Bogard-kun." With that, she passed off a very thick folder with sensitive classified information and went on her way.

"Bogard huh…"

"No."

"I dunno if you can refuse…" Kuzan rubbed his chin between two fingers, one dark eye peeking out from under his sleeping mask. Cigar smoke trailed up into the air in Smoker's office, the pale haired man giving him the stink eye. It was probably because he was currently stretched out over his desk, using Smoker's pile of stones as a pillow. Kuzan missed his comfortable little office in Loguetown. He'd had a nice couch then…

"Don't care. No." Smoker glowered at him. Was it his imagination or was the smoke from his cigars turning into little knife shapes?

"Come on, you've got a…" Kuzan gestured around the office with his hand. No loose papers, no errant folders. Trash in the proper place it should be. "You've got the extra time."

"I'm not gonna be your secretary!" Smoker snarled. So grumpy. So cruel to the man who trained him and made sure that he could avoid flack for doing stuff like not following orders, letting certain pirates go, not adhering to the dress code.

"But Garp has Bogard…"

"What the hell has that got to do with anything?!"

"You're my cute little second so–" Kuzan blinked as Smoker's eye twitched. The next second he was outside the office, the door slamming. Ouch, rejection.

"You're as fast as light, it'll take you like… a minute," Kuzan sighed, flopped on Borsalino's white leather couch.

"Kuzan-kuuuuun, I couldn't presuuume to take over the duties of two admirals~" Borsalino smiled at him from under his glasses. There was so much space on his desk that he could fit an entire gold tea tray. And a full bunch of bananas.

"Oi oi, you wouldn't be taking over my duties, just taking care of the less cool stuff."

"Hmmm~ I'll do it this time if you agree to something for me." There was a little glint in Borsalino's eyes that sent a chill running down Kuzan's spine.

"Whaddya want?" He hoped he sounded as cool as Garp when he said stuff like that.

The gleam got brighter. "Lose to Sakazuki-san in the next poker mat–"

Kuzan bolted out the door.

"Ooooh, that was fast enough to give me a run for my money~"

Vice Admiral Gion opened her office door, eyes sliding up and down his form.

"No."

She slammed the door in his face.

"Kuzan! What're you doin' here? Thought you were busy being an Admiral bwahahaha!" Garp laughed boisterously, slamming his hand across Kuzan's back. Any other man would have stumbled. Kuzan only did it internally.

"Where'd you get Bogard?" If Kuzan sounded desperate, he totally wasn't, because that wasn't how cool guys sounded. And Kuzan was the coolest of guys.

"Huh?" Garp scratched his chin. "Bogard? Ya know…" He looked off towards the sea. "I don't remember! He just showed up one day bwahahaha!" His mentor looked completely untroubled by this. Which normally, Kuzan would also try to copy that. Except uh… well that was a weird as hell answer.

"Well how'd you get him to be your secretary? I need one of those…" Kuzan whined. No, not whined. He was not whining. Or begging. Or pleading. He was just, uh, what was the word? Bah, whatever.

Now Garp gave him a weird look. "What the hell is a secretary?"

"You know, the person who does all the papers and boring stuff."

"...Those are a thing?" Kuzan crossed his arms, nodding. They were definitely a thing. A thing he needed because if Sengoku showed up in his bedroom in the middle of the night one more time, Kuzan might just have to go off the grid.

Then he processed what Garp had just said. "Yeah? Wait, isn't that what you have Bogard do?"

"No, I just throw all the papers in the ocean." Garp blinked, sticking a finger up his nose. A seagull cackled above their heads. First of all, there was no way that he was allowed to do that. Second, could Kuzan get away with that too?!

"Arara…then uh, what's Bogard do?" If he wasn't Garp's secretary, and Garp was essentially a one man army…

Suddenly, the air turned cold. Not like ice, but like danger, like death. Like someone was walking over Kuzan's grave. Was the sky suddenly dark? What the– Garp leaned in close to him, face like a skull. "You don't want to know."

And just like that, everything went back to normal.

Except Kuzan still didn't have a secretary! Damn!

Notes: Bogard is 100% some kind of apparition. Some kind of Mirror Master. Some kind of- oh god. Oh GOD HE'S HERE. HE'S OUTSIDE MY DOOR HEL-

Thank you for reading! These are fun! As always, you can find me on Twitter at buggyisbest!