Team: Holyhead Harpies
Position: Chaser 3
Prompt: The Stand-up Challenge - Write about someone showing their appreciation/support for someone else.
Optional prompts:
[quote] 'That is the key to navigating this life—don't take it too seriously. That's when the party begins.' ― RuPaul
[AU] dancer/performer
[word count] 1125
Word count: 1125
Trigger warnings: Nah, not really
Finals are upon us and I'm out of sappy words cause I'm exhausted. When we got the stand-up challenge, I knew I had to write about, well, stand-up. Well, at first I wanted to write about strippers, but my very second best choice was stand-up. Never written the trio together before, I think, so I hope you enjoy.
Huge love to my teammates with special extra beta thanks to DobbyRocksSocks, arcane illusions and owlwaysandforever!"What have you two done?"
Harry smiled sheepishly and Hermione rolled her eyes, by now more than used to Ron's dramatic antics. "Relax, Ron, it's not that big of a deal."
The redhead looked between his two best friends with wide eyes, cheeks and ears tinged red from stress. "It is a very big deal, thank you very much! If I wanted to sign up, I would have done so on my own!"
The couple at the table in front of them turned to glare at the trio, the lady shushing Ron with a sternness that would have made McGonagall proud.
The war had turned them all into heroes, but it had also turned their lives into everyone's business. Going out for a drink meant being hounded by journalists and fans and, after one too many nights of hiding out at Grimmauld Place, Hermione had suggested they go out in the Muggle world. There, they weren't the big-time saviours, they were just three friends hanging out, nothing special about them.
They'd been coming to this specific cafe for close to a year now. On one of their nights out, they'd been hosting an open mic night and they'd been hooked ever since. They'd never gotten on stage but both Harry and Hermione could see how Ron's face would light up when a stand-up comic was announced.
"No, you wouldn't," Harry replied, taking a sip of his drink. "We've known you too long to be fooled, mate. Plus, we live together. I know you have a joke notebook under your pillow."
Ron was about to explode but one glance at the table in front of them kept him quiet. "You went through my stuff?" he whispered, the vein in his forehead popping out.
"I bought you that journal, Ronald, don't be ridiculous," Hermione interjected, stopping to clap as the current performer finished their set.
"Give it up for Ava, everybody! Now we'll take a ten-minute break and come back with a first timer… Ronald Weasley! So put your orders in and I'll see you soon!" The MC closed the first part of the show to enthusiastic applause and jumped off the stage as the music started up.
All the red had gone from Ron's face and he was as pale as a ghost, gripping the arms of his chair so tight that his knuckles turned white. "Oh Merlin. Oh Merlin, I can't do it. I can't, there's no way!"
They'd been around each other long enough to know that Hermione was better at talking Ron off the ledge, so Harry excused himself to go get them more drinks.
"Yes you can," Hermione started, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You're the most naturally funny person I know, Ron Weasley. I've seen the way you look at the stage when other people are up there – like you wish you were in their shoes instead. And don't forget, you've fought Voldemort! You've commanded Aurors before, I'm sure an audience is child's play for you."
Ron's hands relaxed from the chair, only to start violently picking at his fingernails, a nervous habit he'd had since he was a child. "I haven't prepared anything, 'Mione. I'll bomb and then we won't be able to come here anymore!"
"I could dose you with Felix Felicis again," Harry offered as he placed the glasses in front of them. "Also, Grimmauld has terrible soundproofing. I've heard you in the shower, you know your jokes by heart."
Ron was starting to redden again but Hermione saw the MC heading to the stage again, so she interjected before he could argue. "It's not that serious. You've always wanted to do this, so do it. The only one stopping you is yourself. Once you stop worrying, the fun will begin. You'll see."
"Welcome back, everyone. Had a good break? Drink up, because the more inebriated you are, the better we become!"
The presenter launched into her warm-up set and Harry reached into his bag, giving Ron his journal with a conspiratory smirk. "Go get them, mate."
Ron took a deep breath before he got up, notebook gripped tightly to his chest. He stepped over to the side of the small stage, legs shaking and weak from nerves. They were both right, of course, as they always were. He hadn't known what stand-up was until that first open mic night, but he'd been enthralled ever since. At first, he'd buy specials in tapes for the television Hermione and his dad had rigged up for them; then he moved into excursions to Muggle London to watch live gigs and, when Hermione had gotten him that journal for Yule – "to plan out his schedule", she'd said, which he now realised was absolute bull – he'd dipped his toe into writing. He'd just never expected he'd actually get up on stage one day. It had been all fun and games until his friends had gone and meddled.
"Now, our next act is a regular here but a newcomer to the stage," the MC started and Ron closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to centre himself.
Go get them, mate.
It's not that serious.
"Please give your warmest welcome to Ron Weasley!" The crowd cheered and hollered and Ron opened his eyes, jumping up onto the stage and taking the microphone from the presenter, shaking her hand with a nervous smile.
"Hi everyone," he started and his eyes locked on their table, where Harry and Hermione were beaming up at him. "I'm Ron, and, uh, I'm a wizard. O-or so my ex said. Because seeing my face would make her sex drive disappear."
It took less than a second for the joke to register but it felt like an eternity. And then the crowd started laughing and Ron could breathe again.
"And you know, funny thing about us wizards…"
By the time his five minutes were up, Ron's cheeks hurt from smiling too much. The blood was pounding in his ears from the rush of adrenaline and he felt like he floated back to the table, thanking people here and there for their congratulations.
"You did it!" Harry whispered, his excitement making it tough to keep his voice quiet and earning them all another stern look from Muggle McGonagall. "That was bloody brilliant!"
"You really were great, Ron," Hermione added before turning her eyes back to the stage as a regular poet was called up.
Ron gulped down his water, suddenly feeling parched, and leaned back into his chair, his heartbeat finally slowing down now that the thrill was passing. He'd done it. He'd really done it. It hadn't been perfect, of course, no first try was, but he'd done it.
And Hermione was right. It really had been fun.