TW: Child Abuse; Implied Rape; Suicidal Thoughts
While Sam waited in line at a hot dog vendor, Dean walked off a little ways to talk to Bobby on the phone. Mack was waiting for them in the car like usual. "I know what I saw, Bobby," Dean hissed. "We tested him. Salt, silver- everything," Bobby countered. "He threw me at a vamp. I'm telling you, it's not my brother," Dean insisted. "Well, then he's something we ain't seen before." A thought occurred to Dean. "Yeah, or it's freakin' Lucifer." Bobby was quiet for a moment. "Did you call Cas?" he asked.
"'Course I called Cas. I been calling Cas ever since he dumped Mack back with us and ditched without an explanation. He's not answering. Screw him. I can't wait anymore." Bobby went quiet again at the mention of his daughter. "How's she doin', anyway? Any change?" Dean let out a heavy sigh through his nose. "No… If anything, she's worse after Sam freakin' let me get turned into a vampire!" A man passing Dean looked at him oddly, but he just gave him a death glare and the man hurried on. "Look, I get it," Bobby said. "You're rattled. You're right to be. But let's be professional-"
"Professional? He watched me get turned!" On the other end, Bobby swallowed, frowning. "What you saw… are you sure that's what you saw?" Dean clenched his jaw. "Damnit, Bobby, yes. I know."
"Well, 'you know' ain't the same as proof," Bobby said. "'Cause we're talking about-" Dean cut him off, livid. "We're talking about doing something about this, and fast. It's not just the vamp, okay? He has been different from the jump." Bobby sighed, "Alright. I'm with you." Dean wasn't convinced. "Are you?"
"Yeah. I'll hit the books, hard. Just don't shoot him yet, alright? Watch him. We need facts. 'Cause if it ain't Sam… we don't know what it is. And if we're gonna put him down, we need to know how." Dean let out another exasperated breath through his nose, nodding. "I don't even want to ride in the same car as him, much less work a case with him. I especially don't feel right about having Mack anywhere near him."
"Get in the car," Bobby snapped. "He's your case." Bobby hung up before he could say anything else. Sam walked over with a newspaper and lunch in hand. "Hey. I was just, uh, leaving Lisa a message," Dean lied. "She still hasn't called you back, huh?" Sam asked. Dean clenched his jaw- the lie made him think that he really did need to leave Lisa a message. He just didn't know what he could say to make her understand. There wasn't exactly an easy way of saying, 'Hey, so you know how I shoved your kid in the middle of the night before taking off without explanation? Yeah, that wasn't really me. I was in the process of turning into a vampire and had no control over my actions.'
"No," he answered Sam curtly. "Sucks," Sam said in that annoying blasé tone of his, handing Dean two foil-wrapped hot dogs- one for him and one for Mack. "Yeah," Dean looked down at the hot dogs. "You okay?" Sam asked, studying Dean intensely. "Yeah. I'm fine. How are you?" Dean asked, stilted. "Me? Great. Here, look. Check this out. Think it might be something." He handed Dean the newspaper he was holding, featuring a story about a teen girl named Jane Peterson who committed suicide. "Four people, out of nowhere, all in the last couple weeks," Sam explained. "What do you say?"
Dean looked up from the newspaper at his 'brother'. "Yeah, sounds like a plan," he nodded. "Let's go."
Before heading in to talk to Jane's sister, Dean tried asking Mack yes or no questions about what she wanted to do like he had after her first panic attack at Kristin's house. However, this time, she wouldn't even shake her head yes or no. He ended up letting her stay in the car while he and Sam went inside. He explored the house while Sam asked the questions. "I don't understand," Jane's sister, Olivia, shook her head. "Why would some federal investigators be interested in a suicide?"
"Well, um… it's a new, more caring administration," Sam lied. Dean glanced at him, but didn't say anything. "Well, I already told the cops. Jane was having a really bad day, so I-I did what any sister would do," she played with her hair as Dean came over. "I… tried to cheer her up, you know? Told her to hang in there." Sam stared at her coldly. "You know what a 'tell' is?" he asked. "Excuse me?" Olivia furrowed her brow in confusion. "It's a poker term… for when you're bluffing. Like what you just did with your hair."
"What are you trying to say?" Sam continued forcefully, "You're lying." Dean looked at Sam in surprise. "What?!" Olivia took a step back. "Tell us what you did to your sister," Sam ordered. Dean was gaping at Sam in shock. Olivia looked over at him for reassurance, but he didn't know what to do. As Sam stared at her, vindicated, she broke down. "Okay. You're right. I was lying. I wanted to tell her, 'I love you. I'm here for you.' But what came out was… 'You're a burden. Just kill yourself.' Who says that?! I-I- I just couldn't stop!"
They left the house, stumped as to what was going on. There weren't any hex bags, sulfur or EMF readings that Dean could find during his exploration, so they were left to wonder what made big sis open her mouth and say what she said in the first place. That night, Dean woke up around three in the morning to the sound of Mack whimpering in her sleep. She was curled up in a ball on the floor of the motel room. Glancing at the window, he could see Sam's silhouette talking on the phone with someone. He frowned, getting out of bed and approaching his daughter.
Mack was pinned underneath him, unable to escape. He had her pinned down by her wrists, caging her in as he knelt over her. He had just dragged her back to the motel room after she had snuck out to call her father. "You bitch! When will you get it in that stupid head of yours that no one is coming to save you! Your daddy can't help you! You're mine and you will do what I say!" If she could have whimpered, she would. He readjusted his hands, so one of them held both her wrists pinned above her head while he struck her with the other. Suddenly, he just stopped, a deadly calm covering his features.
"Obviously, using our normal tactics to get you to listen aren't working," he mused softly. His sudden quiet tone terrified her more than when he was yelling. "We're going to have to try something different to really make sure you've learned your lesson…" Her eyes widened as he reached down with his free hand, shoving her pants down. And then he was reaching for his own belt buckle…
"Mckinley!" Mack's eyes snapped open, her breathing erratic as she shot up. Dean immediately backed off a bit, holding his hands out placatingly as he sat on the floor in front of her. "Hey, hey… Easy, bug. Easy. It was just a dream. It was just a bad dream," he told her. But it wasn't just a bad dream… She shook, trying to push away the thought of him doing that to her. "It's okay," her father continued reassuring her. "You're safe. It's okay." Dean watched as, despite his assurances, his daughter continued to shake and hyperventilate, eyes far away and glassy as she got lost in her own head.
"Bug? Sweetheart, look at me. Focus on me," he coaxed her gently. Her eyes flickered into focus on him just briefly, then seemed to zone out again. "Damnit, Cas, why won't you listen and get down here?" he muttered. There was no answer from the angel, and he swallowed hard. He glanced over his shoulder at Sam in the window. His brother was still deep into what looked to be a very heated conversation on his phone. He was at a loss for what to do. Mack hadn't responded positively to his touch before, so he was scared to get close to her, but he felt the overwhelming need to take her in his arms protectively and shield her from the world.
Glancing around, his eyes fell on the TV, and he suddenly got an idea. Getting up, he grabbed the remote, turning on the TV and praying something would be on that would help. As he flicked through the channels, he happened across a rerun of an old episode of Scooby Doo. Silently thanking whoever for the stroke of luck, he turned the volume up just loud enough to be heard without being too loud to disturb anyone in the rooms around them. He glanced back at Mack, who was positioned on the floor so she could see the TV screen.
He waited for her to recognize what was happening as on screen, Scooby and Shaggy crept through the halls of whatever place they were investigating in the episode- he hadn't seen enough to identify which episode it was yet. Slowly, Mack blinked, eyes focusing on the screen. Dean's heart pounded, and he kept quiet, letting her come back to reality on her own. He vaguely heard what was going on on screen, all his focus on her. Something funny must have happened with Scooby and the gang, because for just a second, he thought he saw the corner of her mouth twitch up in a smile before disappearing again.
He set down the remote, heading over and sitting next to her while making sure to give her enough space so she wouldn't become frightened again. He kept his gaze on her, watching for any sign of a reaction like that almost-smile that had nearly appeared. Sam came in, frowning when he saw them there, but didn't comment. Dean watched his daughter until the sun began to peek in through the curtains of the window. She never moved as she kept her eyes glued to the TV screen, knees hugged tightly to her chest.
The next morning, Sam went to go talk to a dentist who drilled a guy to death (the non-sexy kind, as Dean put it), while Dean stayed behind at the motel with Mack. He told Sam he would be doing research to try and figure out what they were up against, but he didn't get much work done. He was too distracted by Mack. She was sitting in the same spot she'd been while watching cartoons, and seemed to have gotten lost in her own world. What little research he did do, was more about doppelgangers and figuring out what was wrong with Sam instead of the case.
Sam called him with an update a little while later. "Hey, bug. I gotta go check some stuff out. You wanna come with me?" She looked up, lifting her forehead off her knees, to focus on him. She nodded her head yes, pushing herself to her feet. "Alright, great. Let's go." They headed to the dentist's office together, sneaking in to look at the crime scene. Dean noticed a receipt for Harry's House of Horns, remembering seeing the name on Jane's calendar, and decided they needed to stop there next.
"Jane and Dr. Conley," Harry nodded, looking at the pictures of them Dean provided. "I heard. Awful. What do I have to do with it?" Dean grimaced. "Honestly? You're the only thing they have in common. Did they say anything to you before they, uh…?" Harry shook his head. "Sorry. Not really." Dean nodded, "Right. Ah, I was just fishing. Thanks." He glanced over at where Mack was standing beside a display of different types of reeds. "Hey, by the way, how 'bout my horn?" Harry asked. "Sorry?" Dean looked back at him. "Stolen horn?"
"Right. Yeah," Dean nodded, faking understanding. "We're- we're working on it." He turned to leave, about to call to Mack. "Well, I hope so. Thing's one-in-a-billion." Dean turned back, interest piqued. "What makes it one-in-a-billion, again?" Harry grabbed a photo album of different merchandise they sold in the store as he explained. "It's a museum piece. And near as anyone can tell, about a thousand years old." He showed Dean the picture. "Where's it from?"
"No one knows," Harry shrugged. "When did it get swiped?" Dean pressed. "About… two weeks ago- same day Jane died."
Back at the motel, Dean had pulled up an article about Gabriel's Horn of Truth, which looked exactly like the museum piece Harry claimed was stolen from his shop. "Castiel? Hello? Possible loose nuke down here, angelic weapon. Kinda your department. You hear that, Cas?"
"Hello, Dean." Dean's anger flared. "Are you kidding me? I have been on red alert about Sam, wanting answers about Mack, and you come for a stupid horn?!" Cas frowned. "You asked me to be here, and I came."
"I- I've been asking you to be here for days, you dick!" Over in the corner, Mack flinched at the sound of her father's angry tone. However, neither he nor the angel noticed her reaction. "I didn't come about Sam because I have nothing to offer about Sam," Cas told him. "What about Mack?!" They both looked over at her simultaneously following the question. She had pressed herself even closer to the wall and was shaking in fear as she stared at them. Dean instantly deflated, realizing the error he made. Cas didn't say anything, walking over and crouching down in front of her.
"It's alright, bee," he murmured quietly. "No one's angry with you. He isn't here. You're safe." Dean quirked an eyebrow. "'He'? 'He' who? Cas, what-" Cas glared at him over his shoulder, "Give me a moment, Dean." Dean pursed his lips, crossing his arms over his chest as Cas refocused on his daughter. "Would you like me to take you to Bobby's house, bee?" Cas asked her softly. She shook her head no. "Are you sure?" She nodded her head yes. "Very well. Let me know if you change your mind." She nodded her head yes again, looking down and then back up at him.
Cas straightened up, heading back over to Dean. "What happened to her? Why is she like that?" Dean demanded, keeping his voice quieter so he wouldn't scare Mack again. "I don't think it's my place to tell you, Dean. When she's ready, she'll talk." Dean glared, "Oh, really?" Cas nodded, "Yes. Don't push her, Dean." Dean huffed in annoyance, "Okay, then what the hell is wrong with Sam?"
"I don't know, Dean. I'm sorry." Dean stared at the angel in front of him who he used to be so close to that now felt like a total stranger. "What happened to you, Cas?" he asked softly. "You used to be human, or at least like one." Cas fixed his unwavering cobalt gaze on him. "I'm at war. Certain… regrettable things are now required of me." That didn't sound good. "And Gabriel's Horn of Truth? That's a real thing?"
"You've seen it?"
"We think it's in town. Something's forcing people…" Cas had vanished before Dean even finished. "Oh, well, you're welcome!" Dean rolled his eyes, glancing over at Mack. She had put her forehead back down against her knees again, ignoring everything going on around her. "It isn't the Horn of Truth," Cas said, reappearing behind him. "What are you talking about? You were gone for like two seconds. Where did you look?"
"Everywhere."
"Right. Well, nice seeing you, anyway," Dean quipped. "Dean," Cas got his attention again. "What?" he snapped. "About your brother. I… I don't know what's wrong with him, but I do want to help. I'll make inquiries. Meanwhile, try not to push Mckinley. She's been through enough." He vanished once more. She's been through enough? The hell did that mean? Dean gave another huff of frustration. Deciding he needed a strong drink- without Lisa or Ben he had no reason to limit his alcohol intake during the day- Dean headed out to the nearest bar, leaving Mack alone in the motel room.
Mack looked up in surprise when the motel room door slammed shut behind Dean, the sound making her flinch. She was suddenly swept up in her memories…
He straightened up, adjusting his pants. "Ungrateful little bitch," he spat. "Not even worth my time." She didn't respond- couldn't respond- and a moment later, his foot connected with her side, sending her rolling across the floor. Her entire body screamed in protest at the pain. She heard his steps retreating and then the slam of the door as he left her there.
Dean sat at the bar, drinking a shot. "Another one?" the bartender, a pretty young thing, asked him. "Uh, no, thanks. I'm working," he told her. She stared at him as his phone rang. "Hey, what's up?" he answered it. "All the bodies are gone," Sam informed him. "What do you mean, they just vanished?" he asked in surprise. "That's what the coroner said. But I got a lead. One of the missing bodies, she died a whole week before everybody else."
"Suicide?"
"Reported car accident, but no reason it couldn't have been," Sam said. "So, then that would make her patient zero, right?" Dean asked tiredly. "I'm thinking maybe. Whatever got this whole curse thing rolling started with her. I'm at her place now, corner of Burnham and 159th." Dean nodded, "Yeah, give me ten." He hung up, looking at the bartender. "You know what? I will have that other one." She smirked, "I thought you were working."
"I am… working up to it," Dean rubbed his eyes. "You okay?" she asked, pouring him his drink. "No, not really," he sighed. "On me," she nodded at the shot. "Anything else I can get you?"
"I'd just like the freaking truth," he drained the shot. "But I'll settle for another one." She stared at him. "Sometimes I think I can't get pregnant 'cause God knows my marriage is a sham," she blinked. "Why'd I say that? I mean, I've been snorting oxy all day. Why'd I say that?" Dean grimaced, "I'm pretty sure I know. I've got to go. Thank you." He passed by a busty patron who had also been sitting at the bar. "I'm sitting like this so you'll look at my breasts," she told him. "I just bought them. I need a lot of attention." He gave her a curt smile, "Good luck with that."
He walked off, backtracked for one more peek, and then left for real. As he headed to the Impala, an idea struck him. If he was really cursed with the truth thing, then this could be his chance to get answers- from both Mack and Sam. He decided to stop back at the motel to talk to Mack first, before he met up with Sam. While he was driving, his phone rang- Lisa. His stomach dropped. He didn't know if the truth thing worked over the phone, but he had a feeling he was about to find out. It turned out, it did work over the phone. Lisa ended up basically telling him what a mess he was and that as long as he had Sam in his life he would never be happy before letting him know that it was over between them.
He entered the motel room, head spinning. Mack looked up when he walked in. "Hey, bug. I got some questions for you," he told her. "You wanna tell me what happened after you ran away?" For the first time in nearly a month, Mack opened her mouth and began to talk, and what came out made Dean absolutely livid. "It's all m-my fault," Mack lamented, tears streaming down her cheeks as she was wrapping up. "I'm a stupid, useless little b-bitch who c-can't do anything r-right."
"Mack, baby, no," he shook his head, hugging her tight. She'd moved from her corner and was now sitting with him on the bed as he rocked her gently on his lap. "I-I am. Y-you should have g-gotten rid of m-me when you had the chance." He stopped rocking her, taking her face in his hands gently and rubbing her tears away with his thumbs as he looked her straight in the eyes. "You listen to me, Mckinley Grace. I love you. And I care about you so much. I'm so, so sorry you had to go through that, baby, but what he told you… all of that… it's not true. You are my sweet, precious little bug, and none of what happened is your fault. Do you understand?"
"But it is my fault," she insisted. "I listened to Ben and I ran away. I got into that truck with him and let him push me around. I didn't listen and do what I was told, so I made him punish me. I deserved to be punished for disobeying. It was my decisions that made that happen. It's all my fault."
"Mack, no," he insisted, trying to make her see. "Yes it is!" she yelled. "If I had just done what I was supposed to, he wouldn't have hurt me. I did that to myself! Me! I wish he'd finished the job and just killed me!" Silence fell in the motel room, and Dean inhaled sharply. "Cas! Cas, we need you!" There was a flutter of wings as Cas appeared in the room. "What…?" Cas stopped short, seeing the way Mack was sitting in her father's lap with tears streaming down her cheeks. "Take her to Bobby's," Dean told him. "Dean-"
"No, we can talk about it later. Right now I need you to take her to Bobby's so she's safe. She shouldn't be on the road right now." Cas at least agreed with that statement. "No! I don't want to go there! I hate it there! I want to stay here!" Dean frowned at his daughter. "This is for your own good, bug. We're going to get you help."
"No! You can't make me! I don't wanna go!"
"Cas."
Cas stepped forward, taking Mack from Dean. She continued screaming, thrashing as he transported them to Bobby's house. When they arrived, Bobby looked up from the book he was studying at his desk in surprise. "Let me go! I don't wanna be here! Let me go!" Mack screamed. "Mckinley, you need to calm down," Cas told her calmly as he continued to restrain her. "What the hell's goin' on?" Bobby asked.
"Dean wanted me to bring her here for her safety," Cas informed him. "No! I hate it here! Take me back!" Mack yelled. "Mckinley, please," Cas begged her. "I wish you hadn't saved me from him! I wish you'd just let me die there!" Both Bobby and Cas stilled at her words. In his startled state, Cas' grip on Mack loosened and she was able to get herself free. "Mack?" Bobby whispered. "I deserved to be there! I deserved what he did to me! Why didn't you just let me die?!" She was staring straight at Cas, directing all of her anger and comments at him.
"You absolutely did not deserve what he did to you, Mckinley," Cas told her firmly. "I didn't let you die there, because I care about you. Your father cares about you. I wasn't about to go back to him and tell him that I wasn't able to save you, that I let you die by his father's hand." Bobby's jaw dropped at the mention of John Winchester, but he didn't have time to ask about it. "You weren't responsible for your suffering, Mckinley. You were a victim. None of what happened is your fault. It was his, for doing that to you."
"You're wrong!" Mack shook her head adamantly. "I did deserve it! It was all my fault! I made him do that to me!" Cas took a step toward her, tears in his eyes. "No, you didn't make him do anything. Those were his choices. His decisions. Not yours. You. Are. Not. To. Blame." She continued to shake her head, tears streaming down her cheeks, not believing a word he was saying. "Yes, I am! Yes, I am! I deserved to die. I was ready to die. I want to die."
Cas moved in closer pulling her into his arms and letting her sob against his chest. "I'm so sorry, bee," he whispered, pressing his lips to the top of her head. Mack didn't hug him back, just kept her hands in fists resting in between their bodies. "We're going to get you help, I promise. Everything will get better."