TW: Implied Rape
"Is there anything you'd like to share today, Mckinley?" Mack looked up, glancing around at the circle of people she was sitting with. After wrapping up the truth case they were on and finding out from Cas that Sam was resurrected without his soul, Dean had taken the time to check her into the children's psych ward of Sioux Falls General Hospital. Her father was usually against the 'looney bin' as he called it, but he and Cas talked and agreed that she needed some serious professional help.
So, here she was, in a group therapy session with the other patients in the ward, two weeks into a six week program. Across the circle from her sat Dr. Bean, waiting patiently for her to say something. True to his name, Dr. Bean was a tall, skinny man like a string bean with caramel colored hair and deep brown eyes. He had a clipboard resting on his lap taking notes about the group session. Mack rarely talked during the group sessions, mostly preferring the one-on-one sessions with her primary doctor, Dr. Thompson. She liked Dr. Thompson better than Dr. Bean.
She shook her head no, and they moved on to the girl sitting next to her, Lilly. There were six total in the ward, including Mack, ranging in ages of five to twelve. The youngest was Arthur, at age five, then her at age seven, then there were two nine-year-olds (not twins) named Rachel and Lucas, then Lilly at age ten and the oldest was Matthew, age twelve. They were all in for various reasons that she hadn't really bothered to keep track of.
Dr. Bean finally said they could be done with the group session for the day and everyone started filing out. "Mckinley, could I talk to you for a moment?" Dr. Bean stopped her. She watched the others leave the room, staying in her chair. Rachel gave her a small smile- she'd tried to be nice to Mack since she arrived, seeming to have taken it upon herself to look out for her. "Mckinley, I've been talking to Dr. Thompson about your progress, and we're both concerned," Dr. Bean informed her when they were alone. "If you don't start participating in the group sessions, I'm afraid we're going to have no choice but to extend your stay."
Mack's heart rate jumped, and she felt her breathing quicken. She couldn't stay longer. She couldn't. She had to get back out to be with her father. "N-no… I-I'll be good. I'll be good, I promise," she told him. "Easy, now, Mckinley. It's alright. I know you'll be good. You're doing so well with your solo sessions with Dr. Thompson, that's how I know you'll be good during the group." She nodded her head emphatically, determined to make Dr. Bean understand that she would do better. "I will. I will be good. Please don't punish me, I'll be good."
"No one's going to punish you, Mckinley. We trust you here," Dr. Bean assured her. There was a bout of silence where neither of them said anything. "M-may I go now?" Mack asked quietly. "Yes, you may," Dr. Bean nodded. She got off the hard, plastic chair, heading out of the room.
In her one-on-one session the next day, Dr. Thompson just sat and didn't say anything for the first couple minutes. Mack kept glancing at the door, chewing her lip, and waiting for something to happen. "Why do you keep looking at the door, Mckinley?" Dr. Thompson asked her finally. "I don't know," she mumbled, looking down at her lap instead. "I think you do. Really consider it, and tell me the reason." Mack swallowed, thinking about Dr. Thompson's request.
"I don't like doors," she mumbled, keeping her gaze on her lap. "Especially when people slam them. It reminds me of all the times J- he slammed the door on his way out to go drink." She could hear the sound of Dr. Thompson's pen as he took notes based on what she was saying. "You're still struggling to be able to say his name," Dr. Thompson noted. She flinched in her seat, nodding. "That's perfectly alright, though it is something we'll have to keep working on. It will be important to your recovery." She nodded again. "Alright, today I want to discuss how you felt traveling around with your father and uncle."
"Okay," she agreed quietly. "Do you wish you had a more stable home to grow up in?" he questioned her. "Well, I had Grandpa Bobby's house where I could stay sometimes," Mack said, more comfortable with the topic of discussion. "But home has never been a place for me… I just like being wherever my daddy and Uncle Sammy are." Dr. Thompson nodded, "But do you wish you had a place to call home? Do you feel like you've missed out on experiences that other kids your age get to have because you're always traveling?"
Mack immediately thought of her time at Lisa and Ben's house, getting bullied by the other kids over the summer and at school. "No," she shook her head emphatically. "I like traveling with Daddy and Uncle Sammy." Dr. Thompson made another note, then set down his pen, clasping his hands together and looking at her. "Mckinley, what do you know about your mother?" She frowned, "I thought we were talking about traveling?"
"We still are," he nodded. "This is important. Why do you know about your mother?" Mack bit her lip, thinking about what little her father had told her and what she had read in the first 'Supernatural' book. "Mama left me with Daddy when I was a baby," she answered. "Her name was Andrea Hudson. I've never met her, and Daddy doesn't know what happened to her after she dropped me off." Dr. Thompson hummed, picking his pen back up and writing on his notepad. "How do you think things would be different if you had your mother, or at least a maternal figure, in your life?"
"I don't know…" Mack mumbled, looking back at her lap. "Lisa was nice to me while me and Daddy stayed at her and Ben's house." The doctor jumped on that comment, "And how did that make you feel?" Mack swallowed, chewing on her lip. "I liked it. She was the only one who was nice to me there before I ran away." More scratching from the doctor's pen. "But that wasn't enough for you to stay." It was posed as a statement, not a question, but Mack found herself nodding. "I-I hated it there. E-everyone a-always called me names at s-school. B-Ben w-would kick me under the table w-when he thought L-Lisa wasn't paying attention."
"And your father? Why didn't you talk to him about what was happening? Why run away?" Mack began to hyperventilate, shaking her head emphatically. She didn't want to think about that. All the drinking and yelling at Lisa… It made her think of him and how he got drunk and yelled at her… hurt her… did that thing to her that she had somehow managed to keep from her father, even though she'd told him everything else. "Mckinley. Mckinley, I need you to take some deep breaths for me. It's alright. You're perfectly safe here."
Mack couldn't breathe… She couldn't think… He was coming to get her… He was going to yell at her, and remind her what a bad little bitch she'd been. She shouldn't be talking to the doctors. She was going to have to be punished. She was making him have to punish her again. "Mckinley, focus on my voice," Dr. Thompson told her firmly. "I need you to breathe. Slow, deep breaths. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Count to five. In… two… three… four… five… and out… two… three… four… five. Again. In… two… three… four… five…and out… two… three… four… five…"
He continued to count with her until her breathing returned to normal. "We're going to be done for the day," he informed her. "I think you'll find the others in the cafeteria having their lunch." Mack stood up from the couch, heading out of the room and down the hall to the cafeteria, escorted by the day nurse, Nurse Wilcox. Back in the office, Dr. Thompson rubbed his forehead, frowning as he thought through everything he'd learned so far about Mckinley.
"Hey, Mack, you wanna head down to group together?" Rachel asked, hovering outside Mack's room. Mack slid off her bed, letting out a huff through her nose as she walked over to the older girl. "Do you think you'll talk in group today?" Rachel asked. "I think everyone would love to get to know you better if you tried." Mack shrugged, chewing on her lip. She didn't really want to talk in group; she felt like the conversations they had were so boring and she had nothing to contribute. But Dr. Bean had told her last week that if she didn't start participating, she would have to stay longer.
"Ah, Mckinley and Rachel," Dr. Bean smiled as they took their seats in the circle. "So happy you could join us." Not like they had any choice… They were required to have one group session and one solo session per week. Though Rachel had told Mack that Arthur had more than one solo session because of whatever he was dealing with and because he was the youngest. "We're talking about our families today," Dr. Bean told them. "Who would like to go first?"
"I'll go," Lilly volunteered. She was a lot more outspoken than the others and loved to be the center of attention. "There are five people in my family. Me, my mom, my dad, my brother George and my sister Page. I love them all very much and they want me to get better so I can be with them again." Dr. Bean smiled, nodding. "Thanks for sharing, Lilly. Lucas, would you like to go next?" Lucas sighed next to Lilly, but complied. "It's just me and my two parents in my family," he told them, not sharing anything else. "Alrighty, Arthur, you're up."
"Um… I have a big family," Arthur said. "I-I'm the youngest. I have three brothers and six sisters. T-that's all."
"Thank you, Arthur. Mckinley, would you like to share a little about your family today?" Mack took a deep breath, glancing around at the group. "It's just me, my daddy and Uncle Sammy in my family most of the time. Sometimes I go stay at my Grandpa Bobby's house. There's Cas, too. He protects me." Dr. Bean smiled approvingly at her. "That's great, Mckinley. Thank you for sharing with us. Your turn, Rachel."
Rachel smiled around at the group. "There are four in my family. Me, my mom, my dad, and my sister Tegan." The second the name left her mouth, Mack froze up, feeling her chest tighten. "Mckinley? Mckinley, are you alright?" Dr. Bean asked. Mack could clearly see long black hair and jade green eyes… skin that turned to brown scales as Tegan joined Tyler in saving her from the vampires. "Mack?" Rachel asked beside her. Nurse Wilcox came in to escort Mack out of the room.
"Alright, folks. Everything's going to be fine," Dr. Bean assured the others as Mack left with the nurse. "Matthew, why don't you finish us off." Mack didn't hear anything else. Nurse Wilcox, shepherded her down the hall to her room. "That was quite the overreaction in there, Miss Mack," she noted, her little southern drawl coloring her words. "How 'bout we get you your meds so you can take yourself a little nap before free time?" Mack didn't respond, sitting on her bed with her knees pulled to her chest. "I'll be right back," the nurse told her, disappearing from the room.
Mack barely acknowledged her, swept up in her memories…
"What did you find out?" he asked. She swallowed, looking down at her feet. "I-I still d-don't know what's killing t-the vampires," she lied. "I d-did find where t-the nest was, b-but they're all dead. W-whatever it is m-must have wiped them all out b-before we got here." She flinched as he got angry. "You little bitch," he spat. "I saw you at the nest with those creatures. Stop lying to me." He got to his feet and she whimpered, cowering away from him.
He grabbed her roughly, slamming her against the wall, and she cried out in pain. "I know the vampires were killed by the Obsidian Perierunts. I know that they can be killed by an obsidian blade. And I know they tried to help you get away from me." She was shaking her head, tears streaming down her bruised face. "N-no… I-I didn't…" He shook her hard. "Stop," he slammed her into the wall again. "Lying." He dropped her unceremoniously to the floor where she crumpled. "T-they d-did offer to h-help me, but I said n-no," she whimpered, staring up at him. "I-I didn't let them."
He backhanded her across the face, making sure to strike the bruised side hard. She cried out in pain again. "Consider that your punishment for lying to me," he growled. "Luckily, I did what you could not and found the information on those creatures. As soon as my new blade arrives, I'm heading to that library and I'm killing them both." Mckinley was curled up into a ball, shaking as she leaned against the wall for support. "I'm heading out. Don't bother leaving this room. If you do, there will be a far worse punishment."
"Here you are, dear," Nurse Wilcox's voice cut through her thoughts. She held out a little paper cup full of pills to Mack. Shaking from the memory, Mack reached out and took the cup from her. She took them all, using a second paper cup full of water the nurse gave her to wash them down. "Alright, you get yourself some rest and if you're feeling up to it at freetime, you can rejoin the others. How does that sound?"
"F-fine," Mack mumbled, already starting to feel sleepy from the meds she'd just taken. "Would you like me to shut the door?" the nurse asked. "Y-yes, please." The nurse smiled, "Alright. Sweet dreams, dear." She exited the room, shutting the door behind her. Mack curled up under the covers in her bed, praying she wouldn't have any nightmares.
During week four, they invited families to come visit. Grandpa Bobby came to see her, telling her that her father and uncle would have loved to come visit, but they were busy working. She had just nodded in understanding. "They say you're makin' some good progress in here," Bobby tried coaxing some conversation out of her. "Shouldn't be much longer till you can come back and stay at my place again. Got your old room all set up and ready for you when that happens."
"Thanks," she mumbled, playing with her fingernails and chewing on her lip. "You know me and your daddy just want what's best for you, right? Cas and Uncle Sammy, too. We all love you so much." She looked up at the old man in surprise. Bobby rarely expressed sentiments in so many words. That was something that all the men in her life seemed to lack; the ability to express some of the 'sappier' emotions. The rare times she did hear them express such feelings, it was mostly directed at her, so she really shouldn't have been that surprised. It had just felt like so long since she'd heard those words.
The last time any of them had tried, it had been from both her father and Cas, when she had her meltdown a day or two before they put her into the program. She hadn't believed the words back then, but she sort of believed them now. They'd increased her one-on-one sessions to two a week after her session in week two, and she'd begun opening up even more to Dr. Thompson as well as during group sessions. He now knew everything up until right before Cas had saved her and taken her back to her father. It'd been a slow process getting her to share it all, but she'd done it, omitting the bits about the monsters.
"Love you, too," Mack whispered. Bobby smiled at her, eyes crinkling under his ball cap. "I'll see you in a few weeks, alright?" Mack nodded, standing up with Bobby. She gave him a big hug, and he kissed the top of her head. "Bye, kiddo."
"Bye, Grandpa Bobby."
She watched Bobby head out, pausing to wave back at her one last time. Then Nurse Wilcox came in and informed her it was time for a one-on-one session with Dr. Thompson. "Hello, Mckinley. Take a seat," the doctor indicated the couch across from his chair. "How'd your visit with your Grandpa go?"
"It was good," Mack replied. "He told me he has my room ready for when I'm ready to come stay with him again after I get better." Dr. Thompson smiled, "That's great. Now, you've made some great progress, as you know. However, today's topic might be hard for you to talk about. We can take as long as you need, but it's important we get through this discussion in order for you to be able to fully heal. Do you understand?"
"I-I think so," she nodded. "W-what are we talking about?" Dr. Thompson drew his mouth into a thin line. "I would like to discuss the day where Cas saved you from John. Now, before you freak out, take some deep breaths through your nose. Like I said, we can take as long as you need to. But this is very important to your healing process." Mack closed her eyes, taking a couple slow, deep breaths through her nose to prevent her from hyperventilating like she'd been taught. "Very good, Mckinley," the doctor told her approvingly. "Now, whenever you're ready, we can start."
They sat in silence for a few minutes while she finished composing herself and then she nodded, "I'm ready." The doctor smiled, "Are you sure?" She nodded again. "Alright. Just tell me what happened that day. How did it start?"
"W-well, I had… had snuck out that morning to call Daddy," she swallowed, taking a few deep breaths to steady her after the statement. "J-John… found me out at the phone booth and got angry again. H-he broke the phone and d-dragged me back to the m-motel." She had to stop again to take some more deep breaths. "It's alright, Mckinley. You're doing great," Dr. Thompson assured her. "What happened when you got back to the motel?"
"He… He hurt me, worse than he had before. H-he pinned me underneath h-him and was y-yelling at me. He called me a s-stupid l-little bitch a-again and told me n-nobody was g-going to save me. H-he said that I w-was h-his and I h-had to do what he s-said." Tears started falling down Mack's face as she spoke. "It's okay. Take your time. You're perfectly safe. He can't hurt you anymore." She nodded, breathing and closing her eyes again. "A-all of a s-sudden, h-he just stopped. I-it scared me, b-because I-I'd never s-seen him that calm…"
The next words caught in her throat, and Dr. Thompson just waited in silence while she worked through it. Several minutes ticked by before she could bring herself to talk again. "J-John said that s-since none of the u-usual p-punishments were… were working, h-he was g-going to t-try something n-new…" Again, Mack's throat closed up, unable to get the next bit out. "Something new?" Dr. Thompson echoed. "You mean he did something besides hurt you?"
"H-he p-pinned my h-hands over m-my head and t-then he… he…" Mack had begun to hyperventilate. "Okay… Okay… Take it easy," Dr. Thompson said. "You don't have to rush. Deep breaths, take your time." Mack whimpered, trying to concentrate on her breathing. "H-he p-pushed my pants down and then he… he…" Dr. Thompson couldn't keep the shock off his face, but quickly composed himself before Mack could see. Although she hadn't finished, he could guess where her story was headed. "How long after that did Cas arrive?" he asked, wanting to let her know he understood what she was saying, while giving her a little bit of a break.
"I-I don't know," she shook her head. "A-after J-John did that t-to me, he w-went out d-drinking again. H-he left m-me all a-alone on the f-floor. I-it was s-so p-painful. I couldn't m-move o-or m-make a n-noise. W-when he g-got b-back he k-kicked me and h-hit me some m-more. H-he yelled at me s-some more… s-said it was all m-my f-fault for n-not listening and d-doing what he t-told me. A-and then h-he p-passed out on the b-bed. I-I f-felt s-so sleepy, l-like I j-just wanted to c-close my eyes and n-never open t-them again."
"Is that when Cas showed up?" Dr. Thompson prompted her. Mack nodded. "Y-yes… He came in and punched J-John for w-what he did to me, a-and then he took me to my d-daddy." The doctor frowned, "What about your injuries? Did they take you to the hospital?" Mack shrugged. "I-I don't r-remember. I-I just r-remember I was r-ready to die… I w-wanted to die."
"Thank you for telling me, Mckinley. Is there anything else you'd like to share with me, or do you want to be done for the day?"
"Can we b-be done? I-I don't remember w-what happened after that v-very well." Dr. Thompson nodded. "Of course we can. You did a good job today, Mckinley. Have Nurse Wilcox take you back to your room to rest." Mack nodded, standing up and heading out of the room. Meanwhile, Dr. Thompson dialed the number that had been provided for Mack's father. There were a couple things they needed to discuss.