AN: Love reading your reviews! Thank you!
Chapter 7
"So, you've seriously been to my grandparent's house?" Rory reflected in disbelief; the discussion having moved already an hour ago to the dining room table. A plate of cookies had been added to the table between them, and their coffee cups had both gotten a small refill. The conversation had flowed with ease, starting with Yale and Yale Daily News ending with Logan's well known last name in the field to which Rory had simply admitted not wanting to make assumptions when she'd first heard it. She truly believed a name didn't make a person, and Logan, while he was yet to go into the depths of that explanation, was glad to hear it.
"I barely remember it, but as far as I knew my parents were in their circle through the D.A.R," Logan explained.
"I am in the D.A.R.," Rory confessed, smilingly.
"You are?" Logan almost laughed, having not expected to hear that, but didn't want her to be offended.
"It was a requirement to apply for a job with them. I worked for them during a couple of summers," Rory explained.
"You don't exactly seem the type," Logan replied.
There was no doubt that they were both enjoying talking to the other like this. And it was all fairly innocent if it wasn't for the occasional more flirtatious than friendly smile or eye twinkle, and just general body language that did the talking for their subtext.
"Well, as you probably understood from your very extensive google search," Rory began, teasingly, "I didn't exactly grow up with them. My mom didn't get along with my grandparents and she had me when she was very young. So, it was this whole fragile balance between them wanting to know their granddaughter but dealing with the damage a 16-year-old getting pregnant and not getting married did to their reputation at the time," Rory summed things up.
"I know what you mean, or well… more or less," Logan replied, trying to imagine it. Times were different now, thankfully.
Rory didn't need to ask, her silence asking him to elaborate for her.
"I think I'm the prime example of disappointing my parents. I was pretty much forced into the career I had, despite my detours… eventually it still felt like somehow, they got their way by twisting my hand, even if I was saying 'yes' voluntarily…," Logan shared, having opened up almost to the same level as he would with a therapist after a couple of session. Rory was incredibly easy to talk to and she was a hell of a good listener.
"Well, if it helps, I read once that the expectations children imagine their parents to have for them are usually not equal to their actual expectations. I was convinced too that the only way my mother would ever be proud of me was if I became the next Christiane Amanpour. That was the plan we always formulated for me, that's what we always talked about when studying for a test or overcoming challenges," Rory described.
"You're lucky," Logan replied, finding her specific goal quite admirable. It was original to say the least.
"In my case I actually got the 'expectations' talk and things were pretty much check-listed out for me. Family obligations, sitting in on board meetings by 14, my major in college and time of graduation were predestined, they kept trying to set me up with someone suitable…you can imagine how fun that was. My first job - which was a year in London, pulled away from my friends - even my girlfriend at the time. So, the phrase - Logan Huntzberger - disappointing parents since 1982, definitely applies to me," Logan shared, adding a chuckle with his latest statement.
From everything he said Rory was learning bits and pieces about him. Like just now, she'd gotten his age, some information about his dating history even. Complicated relationship with parents - check. Tortured soul who'd been put on the conveyor belt at an early age - check. Rory knew she was lucky for not having had to go through those things, even if she hadn't completely escaped setups with eligible bachelors by her grandmother.
Suddenly the two heard a car drive past the house, and from a brief glance out the window they could both tell it was the red Lincoln Logan's boys drove. They both knew what this meant - the boys were back, and so were Corinne and Elea, who used them for lift to Freeport.
Rory and Logan both knew what this meant. And while many details of their lives were still not discussed, having tried to stay clear of possibly dangerous topics, neither felt like answering questions or explaining whatever this was to their teenage children.
"I guess that's my cue," Logan said, realizing that had they simply been talking there wouldn't really be anything to answer to them about. But he didn't feel this had been entirely innocent, not entirely at least. And a part of him truly wanted to savor this.
"Well, you're welcome back any time...," Rory said, for a second biting her lip, wondering if that had been too forward.
There were a lot of things they hadn't covered - careers more specifically, kids, exes, or even pinpoint Logan's current relationship status. All Rory knew was that he didn't bring Honor up during his stories, and that she had never really seen them be affectionate. But that was hardly proof of anything. Either way, despite the potential consequences, at this point Rory just enjoyed the way he made her feel, and she didn't want full disclosure to ruin that feeling.
Logan raised the corner of his mouth.
"I'll see you around," Logan said, allowing his eyes to linger a while longer, before slipping out of the back food with a "Thanks for coffee."
"Thanks for your spider rescue services," Rory added, cheekily, and watched him head down the porch stairs.
As Logan slipped past Rory's kitchen window that faced the side of his house Corinne stepped in through the front door.
"Hi, mom!" Corinne announced her arrival.
"Hi, hon. Did you have fun?" Rory asked, feeling completely different inside. Giddy, excited, like she had some sense of self besides being a mom, besides being a teacher or an amateur writer. She wondered if her daughter could tell she felt different. She certainly always had, when it had concerned her own mother.
Later that evening Rory and her daughter settled to watch a movie together. Just another Wes Anderson movie, his signature having not changed much. It was enjoyable - great actors, beautiful pictorial language, even if the general plot was a little confusing at times.
As the movie credits rolled, the streaming service started to play some ads for further recommendations, Corinne decided to touch upon something Rory had not expected her to.
"Mom?" Corinne asked.
"Yeah?" Rory said. It had been a while since she'd been considered cool enough for any late-night inquiries like this, hence that made her hopeful.
"How do you know if a boy likes you?" Corinne asked.
"Um… well...," Rory gathered herself, feeling both excited and terrified of this question. "You like Theo, don't you?" she asked, hoping the answer wasn't Liam. Liam was technically an adult, and that would've been legally more complicated.
"I mean, we have a good time together. We have topics in common, even when it's just the two of us. But I am afraid he might just see me like a sister or something, you know? Maybe because I spend too much time with Eléa…," Corinne explained worriedly.
Rory could understand her concern. Not that she was in a hurry for her daughter to find herself a boyfriend.
"Well, sometimes boys… well they're simply afraid or unsure of themselves. Or they simply haven't seen you as a stand-alone person as you mentioned," Rory discussed.
"How did you know your first boyfriend liked you?" Corinne inquired.
"Well," Rory inhaled, thinking where to begin. "My first boyfriend was Dean. With him, I think for a while I just kept guessing, getting these little hints… like he would come up to me and speak to me, even if it wasn't anything long or important. He got me a bracelet that he'd made himself for my birthday. But I guess I was so tongue-tied and awkward around him that I eventually just needed to come out and say it or he would've just walked away," Rory explained.
"What, you just walked up to him and told him 'I like you'?" Corinne asked in disbelief.
"He said something along the lines of 'maybe he was mistaken that I was interested' and then I just spit out that 'I am interested'. I think I was just caught off guard at that moment… you are clearly a lot more conscious of your feelings than I was at the time," Rory replied.
"What about uncle Jess?" Corinne asked, knowing the two had dated once.
Rory chuckled, really not loving telling this story.
"With him... I guess in the beginning we just had this attraction. We were friends, but Dean really didn't like him, so we didn't exactly hang out much. But I could just feel some tension in the air, you know? Small looks here and there," Rory described.
"But how did you move past just that?" Corinne inquired further.
"I am not very proud of it, you know… but I did some pretty stupid and reckless things with him," Rory admitted.
"What, did you actually lose your virginity to him?!" Corinne asked, clearly being in touch with her sexual side and not thinking twice about addressing the topic. She wasn't ashamed, which was probably a good thing, even if to Rory it was a little terrifying to hear from a 14-year-old's mouth.
Corinne had grown up with Jess coming over on holidays, eating at the same table, so it really wasn't the picture Rory wanted to paint.
"No, I didn't," Rory replied sternly. "I was kind of a slow bloomer, I guess you could say," Rory admitted, liking that finally her daughter was interested in this bonding moment.
"Who was it then?" Corinne inquired, thankfully skipping over the 'stupid things' Rory had done for or with Jess.
"It was Dean, but not the first time we dated," Rory said, intentionally failing to mention the circumstances of that relationship.
"How old were you?" her daughter asked.
"I was 19," Rory said.
"Wow," Corinne replied, adding a light chuckle. Clearly to her that seemed like an ancient age.
"It wasn't that I never thought about it before that…," Rory said, recalling how she had thought about it with Jess too. The chemistry had been through the roof with him, and they'd literally spent hours making out, and he really made her feel all sorts of things that had had the potential to go further had they been given the chance.
"Didn't they want to do it?" Corinne asked, finding it a very unlikely scenario. In her social circle, sex, in its many forms, was pretty much the norm, and she already felt late to the party.
"I suppose they did. I just didn't feel ready… and then things just didn't work out… and I didn't just want to do it to get it over with," Rory explained. "I wanted it to be someone special, someone who made me feel safe, you know?" she added.
"Carry told me the first time usually sucks anyways," Corinne said, referring to her friend back home.
"It can, but it doesn't have to... I mean it's a lot nicer when it's with someone you trust and who won't make you feel insecure about yourself," Rory explained.
"Who else did you date?" Corinne inquired, moving onward from the topic after a minute.
"Well… grandma Emily tended to set me up, so I went on a bunch of dates with those guys. There was Donnan Anderson, Kip Barnes, Graham Sullivan… a few others I don't really remember. Mostly I learned from going out with them that those society boys were just cocky and selfish, only thought about themselves," Rory explained, adding, "not that I think Theo is like that necessarily," not knowing the boys well enough.
"So, you intentionally dated poor guys?" Corinne inquired, crooking her eyebrow, teasingly.
"I just appreciated guys who got me. The circumstances of growing up with less… Who weren't so spoiled they wouldn't eat 5-dollar Chinese food, you know?" Rory continued.
"5-dollar?!" Corinne exclaimed, not really picturing anything edible costing that little, and laughed.
"Times were different back then," Rory chimed, feeling suddenly very old.
"Who else did you date?" Corinne inquired.
"Then for a short time there was this guy, Marty. We were friends first and honestly, I didn't think of him as anything more for a long time. But he had this major crush on me… and eventually I just gave it a try. It was okay, but truthfully, we were better off as friends. I hurt him for not ever feeling the same way about him as he felt about me, but in the end, I owed him honesty," Rory explained, hoping she wouldn't have to retell the stories of every single guy she'd ever dated.
"And dad?" Corinne asked, skipping onward a few years.
"Well, as you know I started to date your dad when I went back to school to do my master's…," Rory began, having told this part a few times already. "We'd met before, back when I was doing my undergrad. He was my grandfather's replacement when he had his first heart attack and could no longer teach. I thought he was cute already then. I just always got all nervous around him, you know… so I knew he was special. But he was my T.A at first so I didn't want to even hope for anything…," Rory continued, recalling one of her reasons for not trying anything with him back then being her experience observing Paris' relationship with Asher Fleming.
"That must've sucked - liking someone and not doing anything about it," Corinne pondered.
"It kind of did, I regretted it for a while…," Rory recalled.
"And was it just instantaneous when you two met again? I mean you must've been so lucky neither of you were involved with anyone else at the time," Corinne said.
"Well, we actually were…," Rory admitted.
"What? You were!?" Corinne exclaimed.
"But we could just both feel this draw… and we had lunch or coffee together quite a lot. At first it was just like hanging out with a friend or something, but we knew there was more. Soon our other relationships just didn't feel right anymore, and we broke up with them, before getting together officially," Rory said, knowing that things had been a little bit more complicated than that. They hadn't physically cheated or anything, but emotionally it had been another story. It really was rather difficult to draw a concrete line.
"But isn't it scary to put yourself out there like that, like take a risk with someone?" Corinne discussed.
"It is. You wonder if they're as serious as you are. If they would risk everything for you like I was willing to do for them," Rory elaborated. "Of course, in your age… there is a lot less to risk…," she added.
"Just a chance to humiliate myself," Corinne replied, sounding discouraged.
"True, but that actually passes a lot quicker than you'd think," Rory added. "You know, your grandfather once told me this story about how my mother first addressed him. It kind of inspired me," she added.
"What did he say?" Corinne inquired.
"He said… that my mother just walked up to him and kissed him. Then she'd said 'I just wanted to see what it was like'," Rory said, trying to get the wording and pacing just right, picturing it in her mother's voice. "I just felt it was kind of inspiring, you know. That one's curiosity was enough of a reason to take that kind of chance. And I mean, it kind of gives you the perfect escape too if you hate it. You wanted to see what it was like, but later you just agree to forget about it if it sucked," Rory continued. "Not that you'd need to go do just that, but I think that kind of empowerment, that kind of attitude certainly doesn't hurt," she added.
"Yeah, I like that," Corinne exhaled, not feeling anymore like inquiring into this.
Rory wondered whether her own curiosity could also be addressed in her current predicament. Could she explore things with Logan without crossing any dangerous lines? Without guilt? Or would it catch up with her later? Could or could not, would or would not - but she wanted to, she knew that much. She felt mature and experienced enough not to care about making mistakes as much either. Besides, it was not like she was looking for something serious.