In a far corner of Heaven, inside a wintery landscape dotted with purple flowers that inexplicably endured despite the snow, an angel in a trenchcoat sat on a bench beside a frozen reflecting pond, harrowed up in his mind. He had helped the Winchesters and Bobby to go after Eve, but had failed his true mission. Not only had the Winchesters killed his and Crowley's best chance at finding Purgatory, but the Mother of All had let slip that his show of burning Crowley's bones had been a hoax. Now, he didn't know what he was supposed to do.

He couldn't stand the thought of going to Dean and lying outright to his face again. Though he really didn't have another choice. It was even more imperative than ever that he hold tight to the fraying threads of the situation he'd created for himself. His plan was starting to crumble, along with his sanity. How could I let things escalate this far? He heaved a weighty sigh, head in his hands as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. When Crowley had approached him that day in May 2010 with a business proposal, he never dreamed that things would get this bad.

The looks of doubt on Sam, Dean and Bobby's faces when he claimed to have not known that he had burned the wrong bones haunted him. They'd been so unsure, and had still readily accepted his lies. Just like they had for nearly two years now. That thought wrecked him inside. He'd been lying to them, deceiving them, for nearly two whole years. Inhaling deeply through his nose, Cas straightened up on the bench, eyes searching the snowy landscape around him as if the Heaven would provide some sort of answers for him. Have I made the wrong choice? How am I supposed to know?

Resolving to visit Dean, Cas stood up slowly from the bench with a sigh. He couldn't afford to slip up any further now.

Dean looked over, startled, as Cas appeared in the passenger seat of the Impala. "Hello, Dean. Are you alright?" Cas asked him. "Yeah, I'm... I'm fine," he answered slowly. "How are you?" Conflicted. Scared. Regretful. "Just wanted to check in," the angel returned neutrally. "So, any word on, uh, Satan Junior being alive?" Cas forced himself to remain impassive as internally, a storm raged. Perhaps the fact Dean was asking meant they hadn't made any progress with Crowley. A small victory. "I'm... looking, believe me," he answered carefully. "I just don't understand how Crowley could've tricked me."

"Well, he's a tricky son of a bitch, that's how," Dean said. "Doesn't matter. But if he's up and kicking, then what does matter is finding him, ripping his head off, and shoving it up his ass." The words tore at Cas' insides. He truly hated lying, especially to the man he loved. "What about you? Have you found anything?" That was the reason he'd come. He needed to know for certain what kind of progress they'd made. "No, nothing yet."

"Where are Sam and Mckinley?"

"Mack's with Bobby at the house. Sam's busy. Tracking a djinn in Omaha as we speak. In fact, I'm heading out there now to meet him," Dean informed him. Good. So, they weren't any closer to finding Crowley and Mack was safe. That's all he cared about. "Well, I'd come if I could," Cas said. And it was possibly the truest statement he'd made to Dean in a long time. If he didn't have to go check on Crowley next, he would most definitely stay with Dean. "Yeah, no, I- I get it. No worries. But, Cas, you'll call right?" Dean looked over at him. "If you get into real trouble?"

It was much too late for that. But the lie flowed off his tongue easily, "Of course, Dean. I'll be in touch." He vanished from the Impala, heading to Crowley's Compound. The demon was studying Eve's corpse, a vampire shackled nearby. "Howdy, partner," Crowley greeted him. "What have you found?" he queried.

"I've found a lot of things. For example... Eve's brain? Dead as a tinned kipper. And yet..." he reached inside of the corpse, pulling out a handful of slimy eggs. "For some reason... She keeps laying eggs. Watch this." Crowley grabbed a poker from a nearby tray of instruments and poked it into Eve's brain. The unnamed vampire started seizing violently until he stopped. "Chocula here feels every tickle."

"What is that good for?" Cas demanded, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. "Apart from the obvious erotic value, you got me," the demon king shrugged. "You said Eve could open the door to Purgatory," the angel reminded him. "Correct. I did. And I'm confident she could have if she was still alive!" Crowley yelled, reminding Cas of his failures once more. "Single best chance to get over the rainbow, and the Winchesters killed her!"

"It was unavoidable," Cas defended. "You screwed up, Cas. You let the hounds mangle my pheasant, and now I am up to my elbows in it." Cas found himself getting frustrated. He was trying to remind himself why he had agreed to work with Crowley in the first place, and finding the reasoning more and more lacking. "What is your point?" he snapped. "The point is... you're distracted, and that makes me nervous."

"I am holding up my end."

"Ah, yes. But is that all you're holding? See..." Crowley stepped closer to him, leaning in, "the stench of that Impala's all over your overcoat, angel. I thought we agreed, no more nights out with the boys." Cas got defensive once more. "I spoke with Dean. I needed to find out what they know." Crowley scowled. "About what? About me, maybe? Cause I have it on good authority that your little pets are currently trying to hunt me down! Forgive me, but I think you might have a little conflict of interest here."

Crowley had a point, of course. His interest was conflicted. Since he'd started the war, his attention was divided, juggling Crowley, the war, and the Winchesters. After all, he'd been assigned as Mckinley's guardian angel. He'd fallen in love with Dean. He couldn't just neglect them. He had neglected them all that first year, and as a result, Mack had gotten kidnapped and tortured by John Winchester. He even felt a responsibility to Sam, in a way. That's why he'd raised Sam from the cage.

Of course, he hadn't truly raised Sam- not all of him. That should have been his warning. The red flag to stop before things got further out of hand. "Please," Crowley begged, pulling Cas from his thoughts. "I'm begging you, Castiel. Just kill the Winchesters." He physically rejected that idea. "No," he growled. "Fine. Then I'll do it myself." Cas grabbed onto Crowley's lapels, slamming into the wall. "If you kill them, I'll bring them back again," he threatened lowly. "No, you won't. Not where I'll put 'em," Crowley returned.

"I said..." Cas let him go, "no. Don't worry about them." Crowley balked. "Don't worry about- what, like Lucifer didn't worry? Or Michael? Or Lilith or Alastair or Azazel didn't worry?! Am I the only game piece on the board who doesn't underestimate those denim-wrapped nightmares?!" Cas turned to leave. "Just find Purgatory," he ordered. "If you don't, we'll both die again and again, until the end of time. The Winchesters won't get to you."

"Let them get to me! I'll tear their friggin' hearts out!"

A demon was tied to a chair under the Devil's Trap drawn on the ceiling of Bobby's study. Sam and Bobby stood interrogating him. Mack was upstairs in her room. Invisible, Cas looked on, sad Dean had lied to him. "I got to tell you, Redd..." Bobby addressed the demon, "for a filthy, lower-than-snake-spit Hellspawn, you seem to have turned yourself into a damn fine hunter. I don't know whether to kill you or kiss you."

"Oh, please, kill me," Redd begged. "That was you that dug out that nest of vamps back in Swan Valley, wasn't it?" Bobby asked. "That was nice work," Sam added. "Eight of 'em in one go," Redd smirked, "roped and tied." Bobby glared, "And then you brought 'em to Crowley, right?" The demon scoffed, "Read the papers, redneck. The king is dead." Bobby chuckled, tossing holy water on Redd's neck, and the demon groaned. "Crowley's alive. You prove it just by being, you poor, dumb jackass. Crowley's alive. His nets are still out. Except now he's using you schmucks to hunt his monsters."

"Up yours."

Bobby turned to Sam and held out a hand. Sam handed him the demon killing knife just as Dean walked into the room, nodding to his younger brother. They both moved into the kitchen while Bobby continued to question Redd before stabbing it into his leg. "So, what'd you tell him?" Sam asked quietly. "Nothing," Dean replied. "Just relax." Mack snuck down the stairs, heading to her father's side as Bobby also joined them. "What's the hubbub?" Bobby asked.

"I saw Cas," Dean told him. "He popped in on me about two hours back." Mack frowned, arms crossed as she stared up at the three men. "What'd you tell him?" Bobby asked. "Nothing, alright? Told him we were on some crap monster hunt. He doesn't know we're getting close to Crowley. You know, he's our friend... And we're lying to him through our teeth."

"Dean-" Sam started, but was cut off. Dean was on a roll. "So he burned the wrong bones. So Crowley tricked him." Mack decided to pipe up, "Cas isn't a bad guy." They all looked down at her. "Of course not, Kinley," Sam assured her. "But he is an angel," Bobby gave Dean a pointed look. "He's the Balki Bortokomous of Heaven! He can make a mistake!"

"Nobody's saying nothin' yet."

"You think that Cas is in with Crowley?" Dean glared. "Crowley?" Bobby sighed, "Look, I'm just saying I don't know. Now, look, I hate myself for even thinking it. But I don't know." Sam spoke up gently, "Look, Dean, he's our friend, too, okay? And I'd die for him. I would, but... Look, I'm praying we're wrong here."

"You are wrong," Mack glared at her uncle. "But if we ain't..." Bobby began, earning himself a glare from Mack. "If there's a snowball's chance here... we're dealing with a Superman who's gone dark side. Which means we've got to be cautious, we got to be smart, and maybe stock up on some kryptonite."

"Got it, Lois?" Sam asked, earning a death glare from Dean. "Look, one problem at a time here," Bobby said before Dean could make a smart remark. "We got to find Crowley now, before the damn fool cracks Purgatory." Still invisible, Cas frowned as Bobby went back to torturing and interrogating Redd. It was worse than he thought. They already suspected him, and were lying to him about it. The most painful part was hearing both Dean and Mack defend him, both unwilling to accept the truth. Father hugged daughter close, nose buried in her hair and eyes screwed shut tight as the demon screamed.

"I don't know where Crowley is!" Redd insisted. "Are you sure about that? 'Cause we can twist again all the way to next summer." To prove his point, Bobby twisted the demon knife embedded in Redd's leg, drawing another scream from the demon's lips. "Oh, God! I never even met him! I don't deal with Crowley direct." Bobby's eyes narrowed, "Well, who do you deal with?"

"The dispatcher. A demon named Ellsworth." Cas stiffened, vanishing from the Singer house. He had to kill Ellsworth, who, for all intents and purposes, was the demonic version of Bobby. He and his demons would lead the Winchesters straight to Crowley, and after the demon king's threats, that couldn't happen. So, he killed the two demons in front of Ellsworth's desk upon arrival. Ellsworth tried to smoke out of his host, but Cas pushed him back in and smote him, too.

Just like everything else he was doing, he had no choice but to do it. He had to protect the boys and Mack... or protect himself. By then, he wasn't sure which anymore. And that scared him. He remained there, invisible, after removing all evidence of the demons from the house. When the boys and Mack arrived, they cleared every room. "Demons get tipped and bugged out?" Dean asked. "Maybe they run from us now," Sam suggested. "I mean, that would be a nice thought, right?"

"Yeah, if that's what happened," Bobby agreed. "Yeah. Hey... this place is clean," Sam said. "Yeah, but it's... It's like 'Mr. Clean' clean, you know?" Bobby replied. "It's kind of OCD for your average demon." Sam nodded, "Yeah, so what now?"

"We'd call Cas."

Sam and Bobby looked over at Dean standing with Mack. "What?" Sam asked. "This is usually the point where we'd call Cas for help," Dean reminded them. "We talked about this," Bobby returned. "Yeah, Dean," Sam added. "No, you talked. I listened. This is Cas, guys. I mean, when there was no one... And we were stuck- and I mean really stuck- he broke ranks. He has gone to the mat cut and bleeding for us so many freakin' times. This is Cas! Don't we owe him the benefit of the doubt, at least?"

Sam stared at his brother silently for a long moment, and then he opened his mouth. "Castiel... This is really important, okay? Um... We really need to talk to you." There was no immediate response. "Cas?" Mack chimed in quietly. "Castiel... come on in," Dean added. However, Cas remained invisible, refusing to reveal himself to them. He didn't want to have to answer the questions they would inevitably ask him if he did so. He was so tired of lying. His heart broke seeing Dean's shoulders slump in defeat. "Cas is busy," he defended. "That's alright," Sam nodded. "We are, too. Come on."

"Back to square one," Bobby grimaced. "Great. Well, what do we do now?" Dean asked. "Well, we caught one hunter demon before. We can do it again."

"Daddy!"

Mack hid around the corner as all three men were attacked by demons. "Crowley says 'hi'," the one who attacked Dean snarled. Cas was livid, and had another choice to make. The three demons were some of Crowley's best, and they'd caught him by surprise just as much as the Winchesters. Now the question was, did he reveal himself and smite the demons, or save his friends? Crowley wouldn't be pleased if he saved them. But that's the decision he made. For that one, brief moment, Cas felt like himself again.

"It's good to see you, Cas," Dean panted. "You alright?" Cas asked in concern. "Yeah," Sam nodded. "Perfect timing, Cas." Mack came out of hiding, but didn't greet the angel with her usual excitement. Instead she hovered close to her father warily, regarding Cas with wide hazel-green eyes. "I'm glad I found you. I come bearing news," Cas informed them. "Yeah? What?" Dean asked. "I firmly believe Crowley is alive." Dean snorted. "Yeah. You think, Kojak? Well, Bobby, what do we think about Cas saving our asses... Again?"

"I think we owe you an apology," Bobby admitted. "Why?" Cas feigned ignorance. "We've been hunting Crowley this whole time... And keeping it from you," Sam told him. "We thought... you were working with him." The angel did his best to look aghast at the revelation. "You thought what?" Dean smiled a little, "I know. It's crazy, right?" Bobby chimed in once more, "It's just that you torched the wrong bones. It doesn't matter. We- we were wrong."

"You know... you could have asked me." He would have been forced to lie, but they could have. "And we should have," Dean nodded. "We never should have doubted you. It's... I just hope you can forgive us." So, the Winchesters trusted him again, despite the fact that he was still lying to their faces. "It's forgotten," he assured them. "Thanks," Dean smiled. "Yeah. Thanks, Cas," Sam added. "It is a little absurd, though," Cas chuckled. "I know, I know," Bobby nodded. "Superman going darkside... I'm still just Castiel."

He missed how they all froze at his words, because Dean managed to save the moment and speak up before he realized his error. "I guess we can put away the kryptonite, right?" Still blissfully unaware, Cas returned Dean's smile. "Exactly."

"You sent demons after them?!" Cas stormed into Crowley's lab, fuming. "You kill my hunters. Why can't I kill yours?" Crowley asked. "They're my friends." The demon laughed. "You can't have friends, not anymore. I mean, by God! You're losing it." Cas glared, "I'm fine." He wasn't though, and Crowley knew it. "Yeah. You're the very picture of mental health. Come on. You don't think I know what this is all about?"

"Enlighten me."

"The big lie- the Winchesters still buy it. The good Cas, the righteous Cas. And long as they still believe it, you get to believe it. Well, I got news for you, kitten. A whore is a whore is a whore." In a fit of rage, Cas slammed Crowley against the wall. "I'm only going to say this once. If you touch a hair on their heads, I will tear it all down. Our arrangement- everything. I'm still an angel, and I will bury you." With that, Cas vanished.

May 2010

Cas watched, invisible, as Dean raked leaves outside of Lisa's house. Raphael had threatened him, said if he didn't stand down and let the apocalypse happen, he would end him. And so, he had come to ask Dean for help. But as soon as he saw him there, he couldn't do it. Dean had gotten out, started a new life with Mack at the Braeden's. He'd already sacrificed so much just weeks prior, and Cas was about to ask him for more.

"Ah, Castiel," Crowley appeared next to him, also invisible to Dean. "Angel of Thursday. Just not your day, is it?" Cas frowned, "What are you doing here?" He kept his focus on Dean as the demon spoke. "I want to help you help me help ourselves." Intriguing. "Speak plain," he turned to face Crowley. "I want to discuss a simple business transaction, that's all," Crowley answered. "You want to make a deal? With me? I'm an angel, you ass. I don't have a soul to sell."

While they talked, Lisa came out, taking the rake from Dean and hugging him. Cas could sense how broken up Dean was still over what had happened at Stull Cemetery. "But that's it, isn't it? It's all of it. It all comes down to the souls in the end," Crowley smiled. "What in the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Raphael's head on a pike. I'm talking about a happy ending for all of us, with all possible entendres intended. Come on. Just a chat," the demon implored. "I have no interest in talking to you," Cas turned back to look at Dean and Lisa. His heart clenched in his chest at the sight, wishing he could be the one to comfort Dean in his hour of need. But that just wasn't possible at the moment. "Why not? I'm very interesting," the demon defended himself. "Come on. Hear me out. Five minutes. No obligations. I promise- I'll make it worth your while."

So that's how Cas ended up alongside Crowley, watching as a long line of souls shuffled forward. "Where are we?" Cas queried. "You don't recognize it, do you? It's Hades, new and improved. I did it myself." The angel frowned, "This is Hell?" Crowley nodded, proud of himself. "Yeah. See, problem with the old place was most of the inmates were masochists already. A lot of 'Thank you, sir. Can I have another hot spike up the jacksie'? But just look at them. No one likes waiting in line."

"And what happens when they reach the front?"

"Nothing. They go right back to the end again. That's efficiency," Crowley beamed. "You have four minutes left," Cas informed him, moving further down the hall. The demon followed him. "What are you planning on doing about Raphael?" Cas drew his mouth into a thin line. He really wasn't sure what he could do on that front. "What can I do besides submit or die?" he asked. Crowley snorted, "Submit or die? What are you, French? How about resist?" Cas looked at him sidelong. "I'm not strong enough, and you know it."

"Ah, not on your own, you're not. But you're not on your own, are you? There's a lot of angels swooning over you. 'God's favorite'. Buddy boy, you've got what they call sex appeal." Cas resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Thank you. Get to the point." Crowley sighed. "Angels need leaders, so be one. Gather your army and kick the candy out of each and every angel that shows up for Raphael."

"Are you suggesting that I start a civil war in Heaven?" Cas balked at the notion. The idea was preposterous, but apparently, exactly what Crowley wanted him to do. "Ding! Ding! Ding! Tell him what he's won, Vanna." Cas frowned, "You're asking me to be the next Lucifer."

"Please," Crowley rolled his eyes. "Lucifer was a petulant child with daddy issues. Cas, you love God. God loves you. He brought you back. Did it occur to you that maybe he did this so you could be the new sheriff upstairs?" The statement made him think of his conversation with Dean in the Impala before he first returned to Heaven. But he was still unconvinced. "This is ridiculous. I mean, the amount of power that it would take to mount a war..."

"More than either of us have seen, yeah," the demon nodded. "But what if I said I knew how to go nuclear?" That both intrigued and confused the angel, "What do you mean?" Crowley grinned, "Purgatory, my fine feathered friend. Purgatory. Just think about it. An untapped oil well of every fanged, clawed soul. I mean, what's that over the years? Thirty million? Forty million? Just sitting there, plump and rich for the taking."

"How would you even find it when no one ever has?"

"We'll need expert help."

"From whom?" Cas pressed. "From experts, of course. I know of two eerily suited 'Teen Beat' models with time on their hands." Cas shook his head, "No. Not Dean. He's retired, and he's to stay that way." Crowley scoffed, "Oh, true love. Fine. Then I know of a certain big, bald patriarch I can take off the bench. The point is... they can get us the monsters. The monsters can get us to Purgatory. I know it."

"And what's your price in all this?" Cas queried. "Just half," Crowley replied. "Half?" Crowley nodded, "My position isn't all that stable, ducky. Those souls would help, just like they'd help you. Besides, wouldn't you rather have me in charge down here? The devil you know..." Cas huffed. "This is pointless. Your plan would take months, and I need help now."

"Granted. Yes. But just to show you how serious I am about this scheme... How about I float you a loan? Say, fifty large? Fifty thousand souls from the pit. You can take them up to Heaven. Make quite a showing. It's either this or the apocalypse all over again. Everything you worked for- everything that Sam and Dean have worked for- gone. You can save us, Castiel. God chose you to save us. And I think... deep down... you know that."

Letting his pride get in the way, Cas agreed. He took the fifty thousand souls and returned to Heaven, using the power to remove Raphael from the room where the angels had gathered. "There will be no apocalypse," he announced. "And let it be known- you're either with Raphael or you're with me."

Present Day, April 2012

In Ellsworth's house, the Winchesters had prepared to trap Cas. Sam was holding Mack's hand, prepared to hold her back if she fought their plan. Dean was the one to make the call. "Castiel, uh… We need you for a little powwow down here, so come on down." The angel appeared, landing in exactly where they wanted him. "Hello," he greeted them. "Oh, Johnny on the spot," Bobby muttered. "You're still here," Cas noted in surprise. "Yeah, we had to bury the bodies," Sam said, keeping a firm grip on Mack's hand- she'd tried to pull away when Cas appeared.

"And we found a little whiskey," Dean added, indicating a bottle. "Thanks for coming." Cas nodded, "How can I help?" Sam answered. "Oh, look. We, um- we have a new plan. We think we finally figured out a way to track down Crowley."

"What is it?"

Bobby lit a match, dropping it on the floor and trapping Cas inside a ring of holy fire. The second he struck the match, Sam grabbed Mack as she cried out in protest, "No!" Cas stared at Bobby in shock as he replied, "It's you." Mack was fighting against her uncle, but he held her firmly, refusing to let go. "What are you doing?" Cas asked, looking around at the little group frantically. "We gotta talk," Dean told him, trying his best to ignore his daughter's protests. He hadn't been willing to restrain her for this part, which was why Sam had volunteered.

"About what? Let me go!"

"About Superman. And kryptonite." Horrified realization dawned on Cas' face, and it broke Dean's heart. "How'd you know what I said?" Bobby asked. "How long you been watching us?" Cas didn't reply and Dean chimed in, "You know who spies on people, Cas? Spies." The angel shook his head, "Okay, just wait. I don't even know what you mean."

"What about this demon craphole?" Sam asked. "How is it so, uh… 'next to godliness' clean in here?" Mack had stopped fighting, but was still restrained as she whimpered in his arms. "And how exactly did Crowley trick you with the wrong bones?" Bobby questioned. "It's hard to understand. It's hard to explain. Just let me go. Let me out and I can-"

"You gotta look at me, man," Dean pleaded, voice breaking. "You got to level with me and tell me what's going on. Look me in the eye and tell me you're not working with Crowley." Cas' gaze flickered to his briefly, but then he broke eye contact, unable to lie anymore. "Son of a bitch," Dean breathed, scrubbing a hand over his mouth. "Let me explain," Cas begged. "You're in it with him? You and Crowley have been going after Purgatory together? You have, huh? This whole time."

"I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you."

"Protect us how? By opening a hole into monsterland?!" Cas looked at Sam desperately, then at Bobby as he chimed in. "He's right, Cas. One drop got through, and it was Eve. And you want to break down the entire dam?"

"To get the souls. I can stop Raphael. Please, you have to trust me," Cas implored them. "Trust you?!" Sam scoffed. "How in the hell are we supposed to trust you now?" Cas had tears in his eyes as he stared at Sam. "I'm still me. I'm still your friend. Sam… I'm the one who raised you from perdition." The Winchesters and Bobby all stared back at him in shock. "What?" Sam breathed. "Well, no offense… but you did a pretty piss-poor job of it. Wait. Did you bring me back soulless… on purpose?" Cas looked flabbergasted at that notion.

"How could you think that?" he asked. "Well, I'm thinking a lot of things right now, Cas." Mack used the distraction of Sam's shock to break free, rushing forward a bit. Before she could get close to the ring of fire, however, her father lunged forward and grabbed onto her. "Mack, stop."

"No! Let me go! Cas isn't the bad guy! Let go!"

"Listen," Cas said, ignoring Mack's cries. "Raphael will kill us all. He'll turn the world into a graveyard. I had no choice." Dean frowned, "No, you had a choice. You just made the wrong one." Cas looked at him and the sadness in his blue eyes crushed Dean. "You don't understand. It's complicated." Dean shook his head, "No, actually, it's not, and you know that. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh, unless you knew that it was wrong? When crap like this comes around, we deal with it… Like we always have. What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil!"

Mack stilled in her father's arms at that outburst, looking up at him with tears streaming down her cheeks. "It sounds so simple when you say it like that," Cas murmured. "Where were you when I needed to hear it?"

"I was there. Where were you?" Cas looked down, unable to meet Dean's gaze. "You should've come to us for help, Cas." Cas nodded, "Maybe." Outside, the wind picked up as a large cloud of demon smoke approached the house. "It's too late now. I can't turn back now. I can't." Dean shook his head, "It's not too late. Damn it, Cas! We can fix this!"

"Dean, it's not broken! Run. You have to run now! Run!" Blue eyes met green one more time, and then the Winchesters and Bobby fled the scene.