Chapter 17
"So there I was lying face down in rubble. My leg was completely busted. I had a collapsed lung and a hundred other little things," Logan continued, lying in bed with Rory. He'd been telling all kinds of college time stories to her, including this one about his base-jumping accident which counted as one of his biggest regrets due to the injuries he'd suffered.
"Oh my god," Rory exclaimed, hearing the extent of his injuries and the description of the fall. Rory had by now wrapped a bed sheet around her midsection. Not that she'd grown overly self-conscious, but simply because it felt cozy. But she looked effortlessly sexy anyway, knowing better than to care about her little imperfections. Logan had made it very clear that he didn't mind them one bit, having by now kissed or caressed almost every part of her body.
It was already dark outside, but beyond that they were unaware of the time. The main surfaces in Rory's bedroom were full of take-away boxes, a near-empty bottle of wine standing right there on the nightstand with some single use cups. Logan had really gone all out on the food order, and they both felt pleasantly stuffed. They were physically tired, too, but their minds were wide awake, feeling the energizing boost the other's company was giving them.
"And then Finn and Colin… honestly I have no idea how they got to me as fast as they did. Or maybe it just seemed quick… Hell, they were pretty useless most of the time, but apparently Finn's lifeguard practice from his teen years actually paid off and he knew a thing or two to help me. They got me an emergency copter and all I remember after passing out half-way up in the air, being airlifted, was waking up at the hospital," Logan replied, feeling incredibly lucky for how things had turned out.
"Oh, wow. Sounds like you could've died," Rory commented seriously.
"Not that I mean to boast about that part. There's nothing to boast about. It hurt like hell and the PT was even harder," Logan replied. "But I just felt right then how I got really lucky with my friends. I mean they probably joked through the whole thing, talking about adopting me and what not to get access to my status at the hospital. Most of the time they were just acting like they weren't affected by it, but I could tell they were genuinely scared for me," he added.
"You sure did," Rory agreed, even though some of his stories had been rather about how those guys had gotten him into trouble. But they sure had sounded like fun, making Rory feel a tinge of jealousy for such friends. All she'd had had been Lucy and Olivia, but that too had been cut short unfortunately. Her life-long friends were still Lane, Jess, and Paris.
"My parents on the other hand...," Logan began with a sigh.
"I gather they were not pleased?" Rory made a guess, her head propped up on her elbow.
"Well, getting yelled at would've been fine…," Logan replied.
"Oh?" Rory inquired, having not yet quite heard the story about his parents.
"My dad just gave me silent treatment, for months… until eventually he had his secretary called me about sending me off to attend some meeting. He didn't even ask if I could travel, and I barely could, limping on a cane like a penguin or something," Logan explained. "And my mom… she just checked into some spa in Arizona or god knows where. Apparently, me having an accident was too stressful for her," Logan continued, still in disbelief how selfish her mother could be sometimes.
Logan wasn't looking for Rory's sympathy, but he did want her to show an honest picture of what his life had been like. There weren't many people in his life to whom hearing him complain wouldn't have sounded like being ungrateful or simply like something to shrug about and accept like something unavoidable and 'normal'.
"Oh, wow...," Rory noted, not laughing at his expense but rather at his mother. She knew those kinds of people all too well.
"Honor was over in Mykonos for her honeymoon, she managed to get there though. So, you see why I consider her as the only relevant part of my family besides my children," Logan explained.
"Hm-hm," Rory nodded. "Though of course, you could've skipped jumping down a cliff with a boat strapped to your back... Or wherever they strap onto," Rory added, cleverly.
"Of course," Logan chuckled.
"I mean, that's pretty stupid," Rory commented, teasingly. She'd heard Logan's reasoning for the jump failing too, including possible miscalculations and their over-confidence at the time.
"Yup. Agreed. A lot of scotch went into those decisions," Logan said, shaking his head.
"Glad you got some perspective on that," Rory added, cleverly.
"Oh yeah, definitely. Besides, I might've been crap at handling my emotions back then too," Logan confessed.
"Escapism?" Rory guessed.
"More like being pissed at myself," Logan admitted.
Rory didn't really feel like she was in a position to ask him to elaborate. But they seemed to be in a dynamic where they didn't need to ask, but offered all kinds of information they hadn't expected to share.
"I'd broken up with Whitney for a while, at least that was what I thought. We'd had a big fight and I ended up blowing off some steam…," Logan shared, knowing too well it didn't make him sound too admirable. But they seemed to be past that too.
"A classic Ross and Rachel 'we were on a break' fight?" Rory made a fair assumption.
Logan chuckled. "Something like that," he said, loving her pop-culture reference.
"She forgave you eventually, didn't she?" Rory said, feeling surprisingly relaxed discussing something that felt so far in the past.
"I guess," Logan sighed, not feeling too certain about that. Sure, they'd made up again. But their entire relationship, and their entire, short, marriage, had been shadowed by guilt. This was just one small drop in the bucket. Logan had a lot of things he'd tried to make up for, but with the wrong things and gestures, not knowing any better at the time.
Logan glanced down at the ring on his finger – his reasoning for wearing that ring had changed over the years, but feeling like he owed Whitney to not just forget about her, remained to be one of them. It wasn't a good feeling now that he'd been basking in afterglow whilst in bed with another woman, but it was not like this was the first of such occasions.
"None of us are perfect," Rory chimed, not wanting him to worry about it.
"So, what's your biggest regret?" Logan urged her to share. He'd counted that jump of his as one of his biggest regrets, even if the mistake hadn't been a terribly deep one.
"Hmm…," Rory pondered out loud, unsure where to start. She felt like she'd had many of them.
"Okay, let me make it easier for you. Start with something light. Something stupid you did as a kid?" Logan encouraged her.
"I've shoplifted - unintentionally, but I'm not sure that actually counts," Rory discussed.
"Pretty sure it doesn't," Logan replied.
"I kind of missed my mom's college graduation when for the first time in my life I felt a sudden urge to skip school and take a bus to the City. It was a big deal for her. That I do regret," she added.
"Why did you do it?" Logan asked.
"I did a bunch of things on instinct when I was younger. I always overthought everything but when it came to my feelings, I just couldn't understand them, so I often reacted before my brain caught up with me," Rory explained.
"So for a boy?" Logan said, cheekily.
"I couldn't even admit to myself that I liked him 'liked him' before that," Rory added.
"Well it's good you've gotten better at that," Logan chimed, placing his arm around her waist again and inching closer for a kiss.
"I've done way worse things though," Rory said, stopping him.
He observed her curiously. "I am not sure I count all of them as regrets though," she added.
"What, you sleep with someone you weren't supposed to?" Logan suggested perceptively.
"Sounds like you know well what you're talking about," Rory shot back, defensively.
Logan shot back a knowing look. He did, but he was mostly just enjoying the deep intimacy they were sharing here. This really wasn't like some typical date, was it?
"Well, if I start with lighter regrets on that department, I guess that time I slept with a Wookie would probably fall under that category," Rory shared, deciding to laugh at herself a little.
"A Wookie - Wookie?" Logan reflected, skeptically.
"A guy in a Wookie costume," Rory specified slowly.
"Didn't know you had that kind of kink in you, but who am I to judge," Logan teased, shrugging his shoulders.
"I don't, trust me," Rory laughed. "It was just a crappy time in my career. I was making all kinds of poor decisions around that time. One night stands were never really my thing but while something like that should've felt liberating, it just felt like rock bottom to me. It was pretty much just before I decided to go back to school," she added.
"Sometimes doing something out of character is what leads us back to the right track," Logan said. Hearing her say it, made Logan also really comprehend how different this woman was.
"I think you're right," Rory exhaled, and folded her arms behind her head, adjusting her position a little. Rory didn't feel it was necessary to go into her other regret that concerned sleeping with a married man when she was younger. It was more complicated, and most certainly unethical, but it was still just something she looked back at with embarrassment.
"And it's probably the reason why many of our past mistakes don't seem like regrets by our age," Logan sighed, following her lead.
"So, what's yours?" Rory inquired after a few seconds, figuring there were things deeper than his fall in Logan's mind considering how deep he had just sounded.
"I think mostly it's just about trying so hard to prove my parents' way the wrong way and then when I got pulled onto that conveyor belt anyway, knowing I had two kids to support, that I just gave all those principles up. I've been an absent parent just like they were, even if I try to make up for it by other means, I'm not really sure I've done all that I could. I've done all that I've known to do, and while I have little insecurities in most parts of my life, as a parent 18 years later I'm still the parent who believes he's faking it until he makes it, you know?" Logan discussed.
"Aren't we all?" Rory replied.
"From the little I know you, I can tell already now you've done an incredible job raising your daughter," Logan replied, turning back to face her.
"You're very kind, saying that. But I'm not sure I know what I am doing either…," Rory said.
"I still don't. I am not sure if I'm doing enough, or what are all the things I should be doing," Logan sighed.
"Well maybe… the very least we could do is be each-other's ears to bounce ideas off of each-other?" Rory suggested, hopefully. "I really can't talk to Tucker about most things anymore," she added.
"And I have only Honor, but to her all these teenage things are still fairly distant," Logan replied.
"You have me. In whatever form this is…," Rory said, unsure where that statement had come from. "And this really doesn't mean I need us to put some label on this," she began to blabber, gesturing between the two of them.
Logan smiled, loving how she looked all nervous and flustered. But he got it. He didn't need them to be just one defined thing either. They were lovers, neighbors and friends, and at this point there really wasn't anyone they needed to answer to either. Not right now, at least.