Lisa vs Malibu Stacy Lisa thinks Malibu Stacy is sexist. Grampa works at Gulp N Blow and I jazz everything up with random nonsense, unnecessary cameos and full frontal nudity!
Plot
The couch gag is the Monty Python foot stomping on the Simpsons.
"Uh, welcome to the new Springfield Center for Geriatric Medicine... You know, health care for the aging is an important priority-" said Quimby on a stage outside a medical centre. He was standing with Dr Hibbert addressing a crowd of impatient old people.
"Ahehehe!" Hibbert chuckled.
Archbishop McGee was on stage too!
"Get to Matlock!" Grampa Abe Simpson yelled.
"Matlock!" The old people yelled.
Also Arnold from Hey Arnold!'s Grampa was in the crowd. And Mr Herbert the pedophile from Family Guy and Tommy Pickles's Grampa Lou.
Old people yelling impatiently.
"Mayor, the elderly folks are getting restless. Ahehehe!" said Dr Hibbert chuckling.
"Well, um- [Coughs] without further ado... [Chuckles] I give you the man who puts young people behind bars... Where they belong- TV's Matlock!" said Mayor Quimby.
Homer frowned when he said young people deserved to be locked up.
[Applauding] The old people applauded as Matlock arrived on stage.
[Grunting] However he is very old and frail now as he used walking sticks and dragged himself across the stage.
We love you, Matlock
Oh yes, we do
We love you, Matlock
We do!
[Fans Screaming] The elderly go nuts and storm the stage!
[Choking] They accost and manhandle poor Matlock. That's crazed fans for you.
"Ugh! Security! Wiggum! Someone sort out these mad old codgers! People! Please!" said Quimby trying to pull the old people off of Matlock.
The stampede of elders knocked poor Matlock over. Some of the decrepit folks stamped on him with their slipper clad feet in a brief frenzy or hysteria from seeing their hero.
"Merlin's beard!" An official who cuts the banner with the giant scissors yelled.
...
Some time later Abe fled with his friends Jasper and the old Jewish Guy. Having pilfered pills from poor Matlock. And possibly some pieces of his clothes.
"What's eatin' ya Abe?" Crazy old Jewish guy asked.
"This big, ugly, purple monster! Unhand me you brute!" A big, ugly purple monster was trying to eat Abe Simpson.
Crazy old Jewish Guy grimaced exasperated.
"That's not what I meant." He sighed.
What's eating ya? can also mean what's bothering you. I just like being silly.
Jasper grumbled.
"For three weeks, all you been talkin' about was meeting Matlock. Now you met him, swiped his pills-" said Crazy old Jewish Guy. "Take one every hour to prevent spastic heart convulsions."
"That medicine is offensive to people with learning difficulties and epileptics!" Oscar snapped.
Crazy old Jewish guy was baffled.
[Siren Wailing] an ambulance arrived and paramedics tried to revive Matlock with a defibrillator. "Clear!" [Electrodes Buzzing]
"But you ain't said a word!" Crazy old Jewish Guy continued.
Jasper grumbled and muttered.
Abe sighed. "Lookin' at that tired old freak has made me realize... I'm no spring chicken myself." Oscar had a squeaky rubber chicken. He was making it squeak. He chuckled.
"I can feel death's clammy hand on my shoulder. Wait, that's my hand." said Abe forgetting he was resting his hand on his shoulder.
The grim reaper was standing behind him.
Oscar saw Death and gasped. He prodded Abe and was doing a Curly trying to warn Larry or Moe of a monster by stammering and pointing in opposite directions.
"What?!" Abe asked. He saw Death, the grim reaper. "Aaaaaaagh! Deeeeeeaaaath!"
"Death? We don't want any..." said Oscar.
"Staring at my loafers? That's a paddlin'..." said Jasper.
Oscar winced.
...
Abe managed to navigate himself to his son's house. The Simpsons house.
Doorbell rings.
Homer answers the door.
"Hello." said Abe.
Homer groaned and reluctantly let him in.
Homer and Abe go into the lounge where Marge and the kids are.
They all glanced as he came in. A simple 'Hi Grampa!' Is considered good manners...
"As you may know, I might not be around much longer. So, I've decided to give you your inheritance before I die." said Abe. He gives them their inheritance a lot in my fanon... "That way, I can see you enjoy it."
"Lisa, I know you like reading, and... so forth. To you, I give you my lifetime of personal correspondence." Grampa gives her replies to his silly letters.
"Thanks." said Lisa. She read some.
""Mr. Simpson. Stop. Your constant letters are becoming a nuisance. Stop. "If you do not cease, I will be forced to pursue legal action. Stop. Signed, Boris Karloff. Hollywood, California."" Yes Boris Karloff. Imhotep!
Oscar laughed hysterically.
Bart winced.
"Grampa why did you annoy Mr Karloff...?" Hugo sighed.
"Why are you not in the attic, mutant?!" Homer scolded him.
"Imhotep!" Oscar chanted ominously.
Bart groaned exasperated and annoyed.
"Anyway as I was- Jiminy Crickets!" What is that?" Grampa asked noticing something really weird!
"That is rather fascinating." said Lisa baffled.
"I hate things that are inexplicable!" said Homer annoyed.
Lisa read another reply.
""Mr. Simpson. Stop. Your constant letters are becoming a nuisance. Stop. No. We will not get rid of three states. Now stop asking!" House of Congress, Washington DC. Grampa..." Lisa sighed.
Oscar giggled.
...
The inheritance continues.
"And to my son, Homer-" said Abe.
"Whoo-hoo!" Homer cheered.
"and his entire family-" Abe added glancing at Homer.
"D'oh!" Homer groaned.
"I leave these- a box of mint condition... 1918 Liberty Head silver dollars." Coins that are no longer legal tender.
"Ooooooh! Shiny!" said Oscar getting obsessed by shiny things again...
"If they ain't got chocolate coins in them, I'm not interested..." said Bart.
"Minty chocolate coins!" said Oscar.
Abe told one of his boring long winded stories.
"You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around... in zeppelins, dropping coins on people." Just like Mr Burns in Monty Can't Buy Me Love then... "And one day, I seen J.D. Rockefeller flyin' by- so I run out of the house with a big washtub, and-" Everyone got bored and Homer took the silver coins with him.
[Grunts] Homer they're not that heavy...
"Where are you goin'?" Abe asked.
"Dad, we'd love to stay here... and listen to your amusing "antidotes,"" said Homer.
"Anecdotes, Dad..." Lisa corrected him.
"D'oh!" Homer grunted.
He continued, "but we have to take these coins to the mall and spend 'em!"
"Dad I don't think those are legal tender anymore." said Lisa.
"They better be..." said Homer.
"Imhotep..." Oscar made a creepy rasping voice. Oz seriously...
Bart socked him in the stomach for being stupid.
"Oof!" Oscar cried.
Everyone was so busy fleeing Grampa and his boring stories that they forgot to send Hugo back up to the attic and he inquisitively followed them.
...
At the mall.
Abe was telling another long winded story. Possibly continuing from where he left off.
"Anyway, about my washtub. I just used it that morning to wash my turkey... which in those days was known as... a "walking bird."" His son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren groaned bored. "We'd always have walking bird on Thanksgiving, with all the trimmings. Cranberries, "injun eyes," (Lisa glared at him offended by his casual racism.) and yams stuffed with gunpowder."
Everyone zone out from boredom except Oscar.
Oscar laughed hysterically. "Coooooool! Exploding Yams!"
Bart winced exasperated.
"Well someone was listening." said Abe smugly as he tousled Oscar's hair.
"Gramps, Oscar likes anything weird or moronic like exploding yams..." Bart sighed.
"Or bloodthirsty cultists plucking out human hearts! Kali ma shakti de! Kali maaaaa!" Oscar went off on a tangent.
Marge grimaced.
"Then we'd all watch football, which in those days was called "baseball."" said Abe.
"Oh look! A toy store!" said Homer as they arrived at a colourful toy store with clowns on the logo etc.
"Yaaaaaaay! Toys!" Oscar cheered delighted. Well at least he's not freaking everyone out...
"Hey I recognise this place." said Bart.
"Yeah you bought your yo-yo in here, in the episode Yo-Yo Mama!." said Oscar.
"Oh yeah." said Bart playing with his yo-yo.
"Oh, I know this story. The year is 19-ought-6. The president is the divine Miss Sarah Bernardt. And all over America, people were doing a dance called the Funky Grandpa. [Singing.] Oh, I'm the—[Snoring.]"
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"Thank god..." Bart sighed relieved as Grampa dozed off.
"Your Grampa is funny..." Oscar chuckled.
Hugo was sniffing Grampa's leg.
"Come on kids let's go in the toy store! Oh look! A giant floor keyboard!" said Homer.
...
In the toy store. Homer is acting like a big kid looking at a toy mini set with plastic missiles and stuff.
[Cooing] "Look, Maggie! It's Sergeant Thug's Mountaintop Command Post... complete with Deathbringer missiles that really launch." said Homer. I thought it was the Dr Maybe Volcano lair or something.
"Mm. That toy isn't safe for a baby like Maggie." said Marge holding Maggie.
"Aw, come on, Marge. You're way too- D'oh!" Homer broke something off of the toy. [Screaming] pricked his finger on something sharp so it started bleeding. [Electrical Buzzing] Got electrocuted by the toy [explosion] and a missile flew into his mouth and exploded. He had a face stained with soot.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
Grampa started breaking things again.
"When I was young, toys were built to last. Look at this junk! It breaks the first time you take it out of the box." [Groaning] He struggled to snap a toy missile in half. "And look at these toy soldiers! They'll break the second I step on 'em. [Grunts] Stupid... toy... soldiers! Break, you stupid-" He stamped on the tiny green army men.
Security accosted him. "All right. Come on, pops. Soldiers won't bother you anymore." They escorted him off somewhere.
"Oh! I have a tiny green soldier in my slipper!" Grampa moaned.
Homer found the giant keyboard... "Oh!" A key played a note. [Piano Note] Hmm? Hmm! "One, two, three o'clock four o'clock rock"
[Piano] He starts dancing on the keyboard.
"Five, six, seven o'clock Eight o'clock rock"
Homer sings and dances. His off key singing annoys.
"Rock, rock, rock, rock, rock Rock, rock, rock"
He starts swimming on the keyboard.
Rock, rock, rock We're gonna rock, gonna rock
[Howling, Barking] Dogs and people annoyed by his bad singing.
Around this clock tonight
Oscar laughed.
"Oz don't encourage him..." Bart groaned. He was embarrassed by his dad.
[Booing,Jeering] People were annoyed by his singing.
"Thank you. Thank you very much." said Homer bowing.
Plot 2
[Girls Screaming] Girls were screaming because they saw the young, handsome pop star who was trending. Well actually it was a new Malibu Stacy doll as they fought over boxes of the doll.
[Gasping] Lisa of course wanted the doll. "I'm warning you, Mom. I may get a little crazy."
"I understand, honey. When I was your age, there was a-" Lisa had already ran into the crowd and this is funny!
"Hey, horse face! Get your ugly pie-hooks off that Summer Fun Set!" Lisa yelled from the crowd of girls fighting over the dolls.
Horseface the horse faced girl neighed like a horse.
Marge grimaced watching Lisa go nuts.
Lisa shoved a little blonde girl out of the way. Then as Marge watched and did nothing! Lisa was strangling a black haired girl. Coooool!
"Cooooool! Kill her, Lisa! Kill her!" Oscar cheered.
Marge sighed.
"Look! Achy Breaky Stacy for $1 .99!" said a girl grabbing a doll.
"But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart. I just don't think he'd understand." Oscar sang while playing his guitar.
[Gasps]
"Live from the lmprov Stacy's only 89 cents." said another girl.
Lisa and the others noticed a acne infested store clerk bringing out boxes.
"Ew! Hey, mister. What's in the box?" They asked.
"Um, it's the, uh, new Talking Malibu Stacy." said the clerk.
[Screaming] The girls went nuts and stampeded. "Get him!"
"Help! Mr. Weiss!" The clerk cried.
...
The car ride home. Everyone bought a toy. Except Marge and Grampa.
[Dings] Homer is playing with a toy while driving!
"Mm, I don't know if it's a good idea to do that while you're driving." said Marge.
"Marge, that's what I bought it for." said Homer.
[Imitating Engine, Firing Weapons] Bart is enthusiastically playing with the Sergeant Thug play set with Deathbringer missiles.
One bounces off of Grampa.
"Hey! Watch it with that thing!" said Grampa. [Missile Firing] "My skull is eggshell-thin."
[explosion] Bart's toy fired a live warhead and it exploded. "Whoa. Thanks for buyin' us these toys, Grampa." said Bart. They spent the inheritance on toys...
"Bah! Why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows? Or a nice pipe organ?" Grampa ranted. "I'm thirsty. Ooh, what smells like mustard? There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Ooh! Look at that one!"
"Oh god! That man is hideous!" Oscar was staring at people walking about.
"Oscar!" Marge told him off.
"Oh, my glaucoma just got worse." said Grampa. "The president is a demi-crat!"
Homer pulled into the drive and turned off the ignition and everyone got out and left Grampa.
"Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt. Hello.!" Grampa whined. [Horn Beeping] He honked the car horn for attention.
Eventually he got out of the car and went inside.
He had more things to jabber on about.
"There are too many leaves in your walkway." said Grampa.
He turns on the TV. [Whimpers]
[Screams]
[Bangs, Rings] Were sounds from the Tv.
Abe noticed his family were fed up with him for the day.
"Why are you people avoiding me? Does my withered face remind you of the grim spectre of death?" asked Abe.
"Gahahahaha! I am death!" The Grim reaper appeared again.
Oscar screamed and fled.
"Yes, but there's more. Dad, I love you. But... you're a weird, sore-headed old crank, and nobody likes you!" said Homer.
"Shut up you fat jerk! I like him!" Oscar snapped.
"Consarn it! I guess I am an old crank. But what am I gonna do about it?" said Grampa. He had a drink of something. Possibly beer. [Gulping]
[explosion]
[Rock]
"One sip and I'm totally hip!" said Grampa drinking his beer or something. Homer is staring at him.
There was a commercial. "Buzz Cola. There's a little boogie in every bottle." In the advert or commercial old people drank cola and became young again.
"Holy smokes! That's it! From now on, I'm thinkin', actin' and lookin' young. And I'm gonna start with a bottle of Buzz Cola." said Grampa. He drank some cola.
"Oh! Ow! Ow! The bubbles are burning my tongue! Ow! Ooh. Water! Water!" He cried running about.
Homer face palmed.
...
The front lounge. Lisa is playing with her dolls.
"A hush falls over the general assembly... as Stacy approaches the podium... to deliver what will no doubt be a stirring and memorable address." said Lisa.
Shevpulls the string that makes Stacey talk etc.
"I wish they taught shopping in school! Ohh. Let's bake some cookies for the boys!" unfortunately she's an air headed bimbo...
Lisa sighed. "Come on, Stacy. I've waited my whole life to hear you speak. Don't you have anything relevant to say?" She pulled the doll's string again.
"Don't ask me. I'm just a girl! [Giggles]" said the doll.
Bart arrived from somewhere.
"Right on! Say it, sister." said Bart mocking her.
"It's not funny, Bart. Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act." Lisa goes on a tirade. "That they can never be anything more than vacuous ninnies... whose only goal is to look pretty, land a rich husband... and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends... talking about how damn terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!" She yelled shaking the doll.
"Just what I was gonna say." said Bart.
[Growls, Grunts] Lisa stormed off in a huff.
In the hall Oscar was doing the robot dance.
"Resistance is illogical! This doesn't compute..."
Lisa shook her head and ignored him as she went upstairs.
Oscar continued acting like a robot until the time agency from the Loki TV series took him to be debugged to stop him thinking he was a robot.
"Oscar you are not a robot! You are a human boy with feelings and emotion!" said the debugger.
"Bite my shiny metal ass!" Oscar yelled.
The debugger winced.
...
Lisa was so annoyed by her sexist doll she threw it and it caused a chain reaction of funny events involving her Grampa.
"Look at me! I'm acting young!" Grampa was outside riding a bike. The Malibu Stacy doll got lodged in the front wheel and sent him flying. [Screaming, Grunting] He landed in an open grave. "Hey. This ain't so bad."
Oscar laughed at him.
Bart's room.
Bart came into his room. Sunshine beaming in from his window burnt him.
He hissed and shut the blinds.
"Ay carumba... I'm a vampire now. The sun is my enemy." He muttered with his fangs visible as he played with his toys.
He is role playing with his Sergeant Thug mini set and a Krusty doll.
(Fighter jet sounds)
"Sir I'm going after the giant Krusty!"
Outside Lisa and several girls played with their dolls.
"Let's buy makeup, so the boys will like us!" said Lisa's doll.
[Chattering] The girls are chatting.
Lisa groaned. "Don't you people see anything wrong with what Malibu Stacy says?"
"Oh, there's something wrong with what my Stacy says." said a girl with buck teeth. She pulls the string on her doll.
[Male Voice] "My Spidey sense is tingling. Anybody call for a web-slinger?" said her doll. Coooool!
Lisa grimaced baffled. Then she regained her composure. "No, Celeste. I mean, the things she says are sexist."
All the girls laugh. "Lisa said a dirty word!" They giggle.
[Groans] Lisa grumbles and glares at the fourth wall! Aaaaagh! Lisa why are you staring at me like that?!
...
The Simpsons have dinner.
[Chomping, Swallowing]
"They cannot keep making dolls like this. Something has to be done!" said Lisa holding her doll.
[Swallowing]
"Lisa, ordinarily I'd say you should stand up for what you believe in. But you've been doing that an awful lot lately." said Marge.
"Yeah. You made us march in that Gay Rights Parade." said Bart. He held up a newspaper with the headline "Local gays show their pride." With Bart right in front of the camera when the photo was taken looking bewildered.
Oscar laughed at him.
Homer growled. "Right that's it! I guess I'll have to show you how to be a real man boy!" Homer snarled.
"Why?" Bart asked.
"You'll thank me oh your wedding night..." Homer growled under his breath.
Marge sighed.
"And we can't watch Fox, 'cause they own those chemical weapon plants in Syria." Homer pointed out to Lisa.
"I can't believe you're just gonna stand by... as your daughters grow up in a world where this- this is their role model." Lisa protested. Waving her doll about.
"I had a Malibu Stacy when I was little, and I turned out all right. Now let's forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream." said Marge.
Lisa pulled the string on her doll to make it talk.
"Now let's forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream!" said the doll.
[Groans] Marge groaned.
"Mmmmmmm! Strawberry ice cream..." Oscar moaned with joy and drooled.
"That's it! I'm callin' the company." Lisa called the company that makes Malibu Stacey dolls.
[Recorded Male Voice] "Hello, you have reached the Malibu Stacy... Customer Service Center. If you have a complaint about Malibu Stacy's appearance or odor, press one. If you've given Malibu Stacy a haircut and need to order a replacement head, press two. For information on our factory tour, press three." said an automated message.
"Mom! We could go on the factory tour, and I could complain in person." said Lisa to her mother.
"Honey, you're not going to throw red paint at the executives, are you? The Keebler people/elves were very upset." said Marge.
Oscar screamed with hysterical laughter.
Bart groaned. "Mom! Can you not make anecdotes to events in our past that Oz might remotely find funny?!" He yelled.
Oscar laughing. "She threw paint all over the Keebler elves! Nyahahahaha!"
...
Marge took Lisa and Maggie to the factory that makes Malibu Stacey dolls.
"Enchantment Lane." Marge read the sign as they arrived for the tour.
"After this we should totally go to the Keebler cookie factory and throw paint over the stupid elves! Gahahahaha!" said Oscar tagging along.
"Um... no..." said Lisa grimacing.
A guide welcomed them in.
"Welcome to Enchantment Lane, where all the parts come together... and Malibu Stacy is born! Some folks say there's a little touch of fairy dust in the air." said the guide.
"Oooooooh!" said Marge and Lisa in awe. Oscar gagged in disgust.
However on the factory floor...
[Grumbling] "Aw, crap. There's a clog in the torso chute!" A gruff old man noticed the machine for the torsos was jammed. "Leroy! Get your ass in gear." Hopefully he's Leroy Jenkins!
"Shut your hole." Leroy snapped as he stuffed a broom handle into the chute and doll torsos flew out. [Grunting]
[Rattling] The doll torsos flying out.
"Well that was disappointing..." said Oscar. You don't wanna see two gruff, cursing old geezers at a doll factory that makes your favourite magical doll.
"Malibu Stacy, America's favorite eight-and-a-half-incher. In 1959, homemaker Stacy Lavelle had a design and a dream." said a film being played to the tour.
Oscar thought Stacey was sexy and moaned aroused and had a nosebleed. Then he fainted.
"Eeeeew..." Lisa groaned.
"The design? Malibu Stacy. The dream? To mass-market a fashion doll that was also edible." Mmmmmmm! Edible doll... "Kids didn't much like the taste of dried onion meal, but they loved the doll." Unfortunately kids disliked the taste of the food the dolls were made from. "A second, plastic Malibu Stacy took America by storm." Dolls made of chocolate would have been a better idea... "Just ask the owner of the world's largest Malibu Stacy collection.: Waylon Smithers of Springfield."
"Look! Mr Burns's assistant!" said Lisa.
"Hello, Malibu Stacy collectors. I'll see you... at StacyCon '94, at the San Diego Airport Hilton." said Mr Smithers on the film.
"Smithers! Fetch me a latte and make me a fried breakfast of endangered animals! A dodo egg and some lesser spotted wild boar bacon, yes that will do!" Mr Burns interrupted the recording to boss Smithers about.
"And what does Stacy think ofher 35 years of success... and millions of friends worldwide? Don't ask me. I'm just a girl! [Giggles]" said the talking Malibu Stacy doll.
Plot 3
After the film the guide asked questions. Lisa had a question.
"Yes. Was it a deliberate choice to have the new talking Malibu Stacey spout sexist things or some horrible accident?" Lisa asked frowning. She pulled her doll's string and it said something air headed like wanting to go clothes shopping.
"Um..." said the guide.
In the background an office worker slapped his female coworker's butt.
"Oh you!" She giggled.
"You know you like it babe. Jiggle that gorgeous butt over here!" said the Male co worker.
Lisa seethed.
The evil CEO came in. Trust me. There's an evil CEO. The white haired old guy who throws a brick at the front door of the Simpsons house menacingly later on in this episode.
"Let me handle this Nancy." said the evil sexist CEO. "Shut up, little girl. If I had spent my life listening to dismal Doras like you... I wouldn't be worth $200 million today."
Lisa seethed.
"Are you asking to die?" Oscar said harshly as Dark Oscar was taking over him.
However even with Dark Oscar waking up they failed to convince the CEO to stop making Stacey a sexist icon of air headed bimbos.
At home Lisa and Grampa moped.
"It's terrible being a kid... no one listens to you..." Lisa whined.
"It's terrible being old... no one listens to you..." Grampa groaned.
"I love being a young adult! Everyone listens to my ideas! No matter how stupid!" said Homer holding a can labelled "Nuts and Gummies. Together at last."
Lisa had an idea she'd ask the original creator of the Malibu Stacey doll to make a new doll that wasn't sexist but smart and said positive things to young girls.
However Stacey was a recluse.
"I know! I'll get a job!" Grampa decided this was a perfect time to start the B story by working at a job.
"Grampa are you sure? You are very old and feeble now." Lisa asked.
"Hohoho! Now Lisa there's still some fight in this old dog yet! (His back cracks painfully) Oh! My back!" said Grampa.
Later.
"You're finding a job at your age? Eh suit yourself..." said Homer.
Abe got a job at Gulp N Blow. A fast food restaurant. Obviously amusing hijinks happen.
First off he thought the drive through radio was for talking to his war buddies over fighter jet radio.
"Come in? Come in! Mayday! I'm losing your transmission!" said Abe.
"I said, "French fries!" the customer yelled annoyed. [Horns Honking]
"What the- [Horns Honking] Do we sell French... fries?" Abe asked a young student worker if they sold French fries. The customer was still angrily honking his horn.
...
At the Keebler cookie factory.
The Keebler elves were making giant cookies.
Oscar threw paint over them and laughed maniacally.
Elsewhere. Lisa asked Mr Smithers for help finding Stacey the original creator of Malibu Stacey. I have no idea how he'll help...
"He's the biggest collector of Malibu Stacey dolls." said Lisa.
"Okay... That's just freaky..." said Oscar. He's a grown man collecting dolls meant for little girls...
"Hello little Lisa Simpson." Smithers was also warm and welcoming to her. She wasn't going on about tiny shrews yet.
"Well I am surprised we're on good terms Mr Smithers." said Lisa. "Considering my father constant sloth-like behaviour at his job..."
"Well Lisa. You're not to blame for how your father behaves." Smithers chuckled.
They went in his apartment.
"Well how can I help a fellow Malibu Stacey fan?" Smithers asked Lisa.
"Well I'm trying to find Stacey Lavelle, the creator of Malibu Stacey." said Lisa.
Smithers whistled a low whistle as if to say ooooooh that's a doozy... "Now that's a hard one! Stacey's been a recluse for the last 20 years! No one's seen or heard from her."
"Ooooooh!" Lisa whined. "Surely you have some inkling as to where she might be."
Smithers turned on his computer.
The desktop AI was Mr Burns naked.
"Hello, Smithers. You're quite good... at turning... me on." said the AI of Mr Burns. Eeeeeeeew!
"Um, you probably should ignore that." said Smithers.
"You are so gay..." Oscar winced, freaked out by him.
...
Lisa's um 'friends' until she conveniently forgets she has them. Cough season 25 cough. Were playing with their Malibu Stacey dolls.
"Thinking too much gives you wrinkles." said one of the dolls.
Celeste the buck toothed girl was concerned by her doll that was quoting Spider-Man. "My spider sense is tingling!"
Then Angelica Pickles from the Rugrats arrived. With her doll Cynthia.
"Well I have my dolly Cynthia. Now I shall bully my baby cousin Tommy and his little drooling friends." said Angelica heading over to the playpen Tommy and his friends were playing in.
Celeste, the girl Lisa strangled and Horseface were exasperated or baffled as they watched Angelica having a full conversation with some babies in a playpen as if they were answering her. Celeste etc could only hear gurgling and babbling from Tommy, Chuckie, Phil and Lil.
...
Outside a pink mansion.
Lisa had found Stacey Lavelle's mansion.
"No, it couldn't be!" said Lisa.
The mansion has a security gate with an intercom. For obvious reasons...
[Buzzing] Lisa called the intercom. "Excuse me. Miss Lavelle? I'd like to talk to you about Malibu Stacy?"
Ms Lavelle seemed annoyed. "Do you have any idea how many kids have tried to track me down?"
"Am I the first?" Lisa asked.
"Yes." said Stacey.
"I want you to hear what Malibu Stacy is telling a generation of little girls." said Lisa. She pulled her doll's string.
"Thinking too much gives you wrinkles." said the doll.
Stacey opened the gates and allowed her in.
"All right! I've been waitin' nine years to get my Frisbee back." said a boy running in and grabbing his frisbee then running out again.
Then he threw his frisbee back into the front courtyard of the mansion again...
"Awwwwww!" He groaned.
Lisa was in a drawing room or lounge of the mansion with Stacey Lavelle. They listened to the doll's dialogue.
"My name is Stacy. But you can call me- [Wolf Whistle]" said the doll.
"I see exactly what you mean. This is a problem. But what do you expect me to do?" Stacey understood Lisa's problem with the doll. It makes sense that the original owner was betrayed by her now sleazy company.
"Change what she says. It's your company." said Lisa.
[Scoffs] "Not since I was forced out in 1974. They said my way of thinking just wasn't cost-effective." said Stacey.
"That's awful!" said Lisa.
"Well, that, and... I was funneling profits to the Vietcong." said Stacey.
"Cooooool! She's a communist!" said Oscar.
"But you are Malibu Stacy. As long as she has your name, you have the responsibility!" said Lisa. "I'd be mortified if someone ever made a lousy product with the Simpson name on it." They have dog food with my family name on it...
"I may have had things in common with Stacy in the beginning... but 30 years of living her lifestyle taught me some very harsh lessons. Five husbands: Ken,Johnny,Joe... Dr. Colossus, Steve Austin." said Stacey. Cooooool! She married Stone Cold Steve Austin...
Lisa winced at the thought of Stacey being married to such um husbands like Dr Colossus and Steve Austin.
"Cooooool! Steve Austin!" Oscar cooed.
Lisa asked If Stacey would help fix the doll by making a new one.
"Not right now. I'm drunk." said Stacey. She drank a martini.
"Um... I'll come back tomorrow..." said Lisa.
"Yeah like I'm gonna let you come back to see me tomorrow. Little girl." said Stacey. "Um, which I will because I'm the good up standing person vs my now evil corrupt corporation who forced me out. Man this story is cliched..."
"And I'll bring Senator McCarthy, you damn Commie!" said Oscar.
"Um Oz. He's dead..." said Lisa.
...
At the Gulp n Blow.
"We need some more secret sauce! Put this mayonnaise in the sun." said a staff member to another giving him some mayonnaise. Eeeeeeew!
However Homer Simpson was hiding in the bushes outside making notes.
"At last! The secret sauce recipe is mine! Mwuhahahaha!" Homer laughed maniacally. "Hmmmmm now do I open up a rival restaurant using the secret recipe or do I sell it to the highest bidder..."
Inside. Grampa is goofing off.
"Hey! Now that Old Man Peterson's off our backs, let's have some fun!" He took out his dentures and put them in a bun and created the Hungry burger Yugioh monster.
[Muffled] "Ever see a sandwich that could take a bite outta you?" [Laughing]
Oscar frying up the French fries laughed hysterically.
"Look at the sandwich! It's gonna bite you!" said Grampa being silly.
The young fast food worker taking his job seriously took the denture sandwich off of him and wrapped it up to be given to a customer in the restaurant.
[Biting Sound] lOw.! Damn sandwich took a bite out of me!" A man whined.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"Oh..." Grampa groaned.
...
Pickles household.
The adults were blissfully unaware with Stu's mad inventions and Didi's Judaism while Angelica held full conversations with the babies. So no one wondered how or why she understood the babies and their babbling.
Tommy was trying to start yet another imaginary adventure with his imagination. Also he was born too early and had to be kept in an incubator.
"Eat my shorts, Tommy!" Chuckie said petulantly.
(Record needle scratch.)
"Oz no! I don't voice Chuckie yet!" Bart groaned.
Okay he's voiced by Dexter from Dexter's lab and Gosyln Muddlefoot. Didi! Get out of his laboratory!
Phil was moonlighting as Sirus from Dark Cloud 2 again.
"Mwuhahahaha! Yes it is I, the one you'd call Emperor Griffin! The ruler of darkness!" said Phil.
Tommy winced.
Elsewhere in another house with a playpen with babies in it.
Baby Oscar was letting Teddy his living teddy bear creature sniff his diaper with his big wet shiny black nose.
Amusingly baby Ace was hanging out with him. Cue a small baby vampire with blond hair wearing a helicopter beanie hat and a diaper.
And baby Jurkle.
Bigmouth Tamaki, Oscar's big sister was being the Angelica. Picking on the babies.
"Listen here twerps!"
However Oscar's friends are all babies including himself. Hence the dribbling and stinky diapers.
"Eeeeeew! How does Angelica tolerate this?!" Bigmouth groaned.
"I got used to the dribbling after a while..." said Angelica.
...
Lisa visited Stacey Lavelle again.
"I've got the solution. You and I are gonna make our own talking doll. She'll have the wisdom of Gertrude Stein and the wit of Cathy Guisewite. The tenacity of Nina Totenberg and the common sense of Elizabeth Cady Stanton. And to top it off, the down-to-earth good looks of Eleanor Roosevelt."
[Exhales] Stacey also smokes... "All right. We'll make your doll!" She threw her martini into the fire and it exploded.
[Pounding On Door] A soldier bursted in.
[Gasps] Stacey gasped.
"Holy moly! The government must have found out you're a communist!" Oscar, now 9 years old again screamed.
Lisa winced.
"Stacey, please. I must have you back. Just come for a ride with me in my mobile command unit." Okay he's just one of her zany ex husbands.
"Joe, I told you. It's over. Release me from your kung fu grip." Stacey ordered him to leave.
"Fine. I'll bomb your house into the ground, missy!" said Joe. Um that's a tad extreme GI Joe...
Lisa winced exasperated.
Plot 4
Stacey then went over to the Simpsons house. The madness did not end there...
"Mom, Dad. Bart. This is Stacey Lavelle. The creator of Malibu Stacey." said Lisa.
"Also she's a communist." said Oscar.
Homer screamed.
Lisa face palmed.
"Okay sis, so she's your Krusty the clown." said Bart.
"Krusty? I think I had a one night stand with him. But I was probably very drunk at the time." said Stacey.
Lisa blushed. (Sheepish laughter.) "Come on Stacey, lets make this new doll." said Lisa.
The madness continues.
First they carved a doll head prototype to see what hair she should have.
"Make sure you get my mom's hair just right!" said Lisa.
"Um, I think we'll use someone different for the hair." said Stacey.
"How about me?" Bart asked.
"There's something not quite-"
"How 'bout me?" Homer asked.
[Stammering] Stacey tries to get a word in.
"How 'bout me?" Oscar asked.
"You all have hideous hair!" Stacey yelled.
[Simpsons Gasping]
"How rude!" said Oscar.
"I mean, from a design point of view." said Stacey.
"Oh, well, if you put it that way. Oh, well." said the Simpsons mumbling to themselves.
...
"Talking doll, take eight." Lisa was now in a recording studio recording lines for the talking doll. A man told her she was ready.
""When I get married, I'm keeping my own name." Uh, you know, that should probably be, "if I choose to get married."" said Lisa.
"Look, little girl. We got other talking dollies to record today." said the recording studio staff.
Krusty barged in.
"All right, you poindexters. Let's get this right. One: "Hey, hey, kids, I'm Talkin' Krusty." Two: "Hey, hey! Here comes Slide Show Mel." Again. "Here comes Sideshow Mel. Sideshow Mel." Three. [ Laughing ] Bada-bing, bada-boom. I'm done. Learn from a professional, kid."
He drove off home,
"Okay, Krusty. We are ready to roll any- What the-" said the recording studio guy over intercom.
...
Then deciding a name for the doll...
"Trust in yourself and you can achieve anything." Lisa managed to record a line for the doll to say.
"All right! Now all we need is a name." said Stacey.
"How 'bout "Blabbermouth, the Jerky Doll for Jerks"?" Bart cuts in with funny suggestions.
Oscar cracked up laughing.
Bart smirked as Lisa glared at him.
"Um no..." said Stacey.
"How 'bout Minerva, after the Roman goddess of wisdom?" said Lisa.
Bart yawned and snored loudly.
"Mm, not enough commercial appeal." said Stacey.
"Wendy Windbag?" Bart asked.
Oscar laughed.
"Ugly Doris?"
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"Hortense, the Mule-Faced Doll." Bart suggested.
Homer started laughing.
"I think we should name her after Lisa. We'll call her "Lisa Lionheart."" said Stacey.
"No, "Loudmouth Lisa!" "Stupid Lisa Garbage Face!"" Bart was being um odd.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
"I can't stand this any longer. Somebody please pay attention to me! Hello! Pay attention to me. Look at me! I'm Bart, I'm Bart. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me!" Bart wanted attention. He jumped on the furniture and made faces.
...
Anyway the evil boardroom members of Malibu Stacey Corp didn't like the doll.
"We've got to sink this Lisa Lionheart doll and fast." said the evil white haired guy.
He even had some guy in Washington to help.
"The President was arrested for murder" seconds later was a news report from Kent the Simpsons and possibly other families were tuning into that evening.
"Coooooool!" Oscar cheered.
"Oz how is that cool..." Lisa sighed.
"Our one effort to put a stop to this Lisa Lionheart thing has failed miserably." said the evil boardroom stooges at Malibu Stacey Corp.
"Can we order Chinese food?" One of the evil boardroom members asked.
"Um no..." said the boss.
They tried again.
Ome evening at Evergreen Terrace.
The evil white haired guy in a limo threw a brick at the Simpsons house and laughed evilly.
At the evil board room.
"Mr Swanson... how did that achieve anything?" A Board member sighed.
"We have to do something truly diabolical! To misogyny and sexism!" said an evil board member.
McBain bursted our of the table.
"Meeting adjourned."
"McBain!" The white haired CEO gasped.
He shot all of them with a powerful machine gun!
"Oz how does that solve anything?!" Lisa yelled.
"McBain and extreme violence solves everything!" said Oscar.
"Why do I bother..." Lisa sighed.
At the store they set up the Lisa Lionheart dolls.
The evil board members who survived tried to get a store boy or Squeaky Voiced Teen bring out a last season doll with a new hat!
McBain fired a rocket launcher at him blowing him and the dolls to pieces.
Lisa glared at Oscar.
"I'm helping you!" Oscar yelled.
All the girls got to the Lisa Lionhearts dolls and bought them.
"Nooooooo!" said the evil CEO.
"Thanks a lot Lisa. Because of you. Malibu Stacey is no more..." said an evil boardroom member.
Lisa gasped.
Malibu Stacey Corp went bankrupt over night and closed down.
"Thanks kid. You just killed Malibu Stacey..." said the CEO guy.
...
At the Simpsons Stacey Lavelle was bothered by her ridiculous ex husbands.
"Mwuhahahaha! Come Stacey! Sit on my lap one more time while I plot to take over the world and enslave humanity! Gahahahaha!" said Dr Colossus.
Bart winced.
Then Tuesday Stone Cold Steve Austin wanted her back in his arms.
"Coooool! Stone Cold Steve Austin!" said Bart.
When Stacey refused he performed a Stone Cold Stunner on Homer.
Homer screamed in pain.
"I'm happy I won. But Oz did it have to involve McBain killing everyone?!" Lisa sighed.
"Yes. The story needed gracious violence." said Oscar. "Oh I forgot the hardcore nudity!"
He disrobed and ran around naked in a Benny Hill Chase as Yakety Sax played as naked people ran about.
Lisa winced exasperated.