In the Navy! Homer gets fired again and joins the navy under Captain McCallister. Meanwhile Bart gets his ear pierced despite Marge and Homer forbidding him.
Plot
The episode starts as in Planet of the doughnuts and I Shrink Therefore I'm Small.
Homer is asleep at work when he dreams he is on trail hauled into a outdoor court in chains by the donut people of the planet of the donuts.
You damn delicious donuts! You maniacs!
"Homer Simpson! You stand accused of eating half the population of the planet of the donuts!" The judge yells.
The donut people yell angrily.
"Now as Homer's attorney I think we should try to be merci-Hey! Did you just take a bite out of me?!" A donut lawyer explained until Homer bit a chunk from him.
"Um... maybe..." said Homer.
"I sentence you to death!" The judge yelled.
Suddenly a giant monster donut stomped into the court.
Homer screamed as it picked him up.
"Mmmmmm! Homer!" said the donut monster before eating him.
However this was all a dream. Damn delicious donuts! You maniacs! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
"Homer wake up!" Carl was waking Homer up.
"Uh?" Homer grunted.
"It's time for our coffee break!" said Lenny.
"Woohoo!" Homer cheers. The three men go to the cafeteria.
"I definitely earned this break." said Homer pouring himself some coffee. No you didn't you slept all day. I have no idea why you haven't been fired already.
Homer drinking his coffee sees the pink donut box the plant gets delivered from Lard Lads every day.
"Mmmmmm! Donuts..." said Homer dribbling into the the donut box.
"Eeeeeew! Homer..." Lenny groaned.
"Oh what luck... only one donut left and you've drooled over it..." said Carl to Homer.
"Gentlemen I have a solution!" said Homer. "We put this donut in the reactor and the radiation will make it big!" said Homer picking up the chocolate donut with tongs.
"Hey it worked with my hand!" said Guy with one big hand. "Oh wait it's my other hand! Whoa!" He had one really big hand.
Oscar laughed. "There's so many things funny about that..."
"Yeah imagine giving him a high five..." said Lenny.
"Of course it could just turn into a giant man eating donut monster like the one I just dreamt of... but oh well..." said Homer.
...
At dinner Bart wants to get his ears pierced.
"Mom can I get my ear pierced?" said Bart.
Marge and Homer spat out their mouthfuls of juice/tea.
"No. You cannot get your ears pierced. We didn't want you having a tattoo yet you deliberately disobeyed us!" Marge says in a cross tone.
"And you still have that tramp stamp! Oz it's not funny anymore! Get rid of it!" Homer yelled.
"No!" said Oscar defiantly.
"No fair!" Bart storms off to his room.
Marge sighed exasperated.
"I have a feeling he's just gonna get it anyway..." Lisa sighed.
Hugo was smacking his fish heads bucket on the table because he was hungry.
Homer sighed.
(Metallic clanging)
(Hugo grunting annoyed.)
"Stop doing that! Mutant!" Homer yelled.
"Homer! His name is Hugo!" Marge scolded Homer.
Homer sighed aggressively.
Hugo grunted and stared at Lisa.
"Mom he's creeping me out!" Lisa whimpered.
"Do I have to eat my broccoli..." Oscar sighed.
"Yes bumpkin. Now stop saying it's poisonous..." Marge sighed.
"Marge it's not cute when he helps Bart defy us!" Homer ranted.
"Well maybe you should just let Bart get things he wants and let him learn the hard way why they might not be good things. Ie a tattoo might stop him getting a good job, a horror movie would give him nightmares. Let him do those things and suffer the consequences. He'll love you more when he learns afterwards than if you keep arguing with him." said Oscar.
"Oz that is the stupidest advice ever!" Lisa snapped. "Bart nearly died falling into a ravine because we couldn't stop him from doing so!"
Oscar made a rude face at Lisa.
"Oscar don't stick your tongue out at people!" said Marge eating.
Hugo was synthesising his carrots and peas into a laxative medicine again.
...
After dinner.
Oscar is waiting in Bart's treehouse.
"I can get you to the ear piercing place in a jiffy."
"Can I come too?" asked the cute old lady that Abe once mistook for being Marge's mother.
"No." said Oscar rudely to her.
"But won't Mom and Dad be mad?' Bart asks.
"They'll get used to it. Just like they got used to your tattoo." Oscar explains as he points out Bart's tattoo. Besides it's their fault for making you want one so much." Oscar then takes him out via the sneaking out way.
Lisa sees them leave and glares.
They are going to the pink mall. "Plus I don't care about them. Only you."
"Thanks Oz. Come to think of it, why the hell do I care what they think?" said Bart.
"Beats me." said Oscar.
Along the way to the mall.
"Anyway I need to do a cool thing like getting a piercing after last week where I accidentally signed up for Ned's Junior Campers scour group." said Bart.
"Yeah... even Lisa laughed at you for that..." said Oscar.
However inside most of the shops are now Starbucks.
"I have a sudden craving for coffee..." said Oscar.
"That can wait Oz, I want my ear pierced." said Bart.
They arrived at a piercing place ran by Raphael.
"I'll have that one." Bart points out a diamond ear stud.
"Ohhh! Fancy!" Oscar comments.
Stupidly and amusingly, Raphael doesn't ask their ages and just accepts them as customers despite that young children probably aren't supposed to get piercings.
"Well lets get this show on the road Pally! This shop is about to become a Starbucks in a few minutes!"
Bart took the seat to have his ear pierced.
Raphael pierces Bart's ear. He screams loudly.
"Geez you're such a baby..." Oscar sighed.
Some moments later Bart with a diamond stud in his ear and Oscar leave the piercings shop holding a Starbucks coffee each.
...
Bart gets home. His family see the ear piercing. They gasp loudly.
"Bart! I specifically said you couldn't have an ear piercing! You're grounded!" Marge yells.
"No!" Bart yells back.
"Why you little!" Homer tries to strangle him, but he runs away and jumps over the garden fence.
"I don't know what's got into him..." Marge sighs. Lisa glares at Oscar.
"And Oscar, how did you manage to buy coffee?" Marge asked as he was still drinking his Starbucks coffee.
"All the shops in the mall are now Starbucks." said Oscar.
"Well you'll climbing the walls all night!" (Hyperactive) said Marge.
"I know but I'm far more amusing when I've had caffeine..." said Oscar.
Marge sighed.
"Oz I'm sure the Toons like Quiffy or McGee don't approve of you helping my brother disobey Mom and Dad by getting piercings or tattoos." said Lisa disappointed.
McGee shook his head disappointed.
"One McGee isn't my toon partner he belongs to some boy called Nicholas. Secondly Quiffy doesn't lecture me about having bad friends who get me in trouble," said Oscar.
"Yes I do! I just stopped because you don't listen to me!" said Quiffy. A brown haired boy wearing a hideous Hawaiian shirt.
Oscar made a chit chat gesture with his hand to show he thought Quiffy was yakking too much.
Elsewhere Bart was loitering the streets until everyone would be more worried about him than angry. He muttered and sulked.
Back at home the caffeine soon got to Oscar...
"Pant-less ducks! Pant-less ducks!" Oscar screamed as he ran around hyperactive from caffeine.
The Simpsons sighed frustrated.
Later they were lecturing Bart.
"What on earth possessed you to get an earring?" Homer yelled.
"Um Hastur the unspeakable?" Bart had a smart Aleck-y answer.
Homer made an annoyed groan.
"Bart this is shameful! Do you realise it will be even harder now for you to get a good job looking like that?!" Marge ranted.
"The moon people want my braaaaaains!" Oscar yelled hyperactive from coffee.
Bart grimaced.
...
At work Homer puts his plan into action. He puts a donut in the reactor.
"Well wish me luck!" said Homer.
"This feels like a really, really bad idea..." Carl was the sensible one.
"Eh. I wanna see what happens..." said Lenny.
Of course he causes a fire trying to put a donut in the reactor so it becomes a radioactive super donut!
"Sir this is the cause of the fire. Some idiot put a donut inside the reactor..." said Smithers in a radiation suit holding a tiny burnt donut.
"Oh that was me." said Homer.
"You did this?! You're fired!" Mr Burns yelled.
"But it's my first day!" Homer cried.
"Oh. Well consider this a warning Simpsons." said Mr Burns.
"Um Sir This is Homer Simpson he's been working here hour over 10 years..." said Smithers.
"Oh. Is that so?" Mr Burns glared at Homer. "You're fired!"
Homer groaned.
He is fired despite trying to claim it's only his first day.
"Sir I have no idea how someone could be so stupid." said Smithers.
"Well... we have work to do Smithers. Everyone back to work." said Mr Burns.
"Oooooooh! Fired... why me..." Homer groaned as he walked home.
"You really blew it this time! Dumb dumb!" said the Ozmodiar.
"Shut up!" Homer snapped.
After school Bart showed Milhouse his piercing.
"I got one too." said Milhouse.
"Your Mom let you?!" Bart asked.
"No. my Mom and Dad are just too busy arguing with each other and using me as a pawn in their arguments." said Milhouse.
"Ah." said Bart.
"Yeah mutilating yourself isn't cool. Especially if your parents don't approve..." said McGee.
"We don't care..." said Bart.
Plot 2
At home Homer comes home depressed and tells his family the news. He is still mad at Bart who is still sitting there in the kitchen with his ear piercing.
"So I lost my job, again..." Homer sighed.
"Ooooooh! Homie..." Marge sighed.
"He tried to cook a donut in the reactor to make a giant super donut..." said Oscar.
"Homer that's really irresponsible and stupid!" Marge told him off.
Homer groaned.
"Marge I- Bart leave the room! I can't even look at you right now..." Homer tried to contain his anger at Bart for defying him and getting an ear piercing.
Bart left and went to the living room to watch TV. Kent was announcing the late afternoon movies.
"Next on Exploitation Theatre... Blacula, followed by Blackenstein, followed by the Blunchblack of Blotre Blame." said Kent.
"Funky!" said Bart bored.
Homer comes in as a Navy recruitment drive is on. He decides to join the navy.
Only because it claimed he'd only work every other weekend and the rest of the time he was allowed to be drunk, stinking drunk.
"Dad are you planning on joining the navy just to exploit the fact you would be able to only work weekends and drink all the time..." Lisa sighed.
'Maybe..." said Homer.
Oscar growled and stormed off at him shirking his duty just for the benefits of being a sailor.
"You are a disgrace to the navy and Gilligan's Island!" Oscar yelled as he left.
"But what if a war breaks out and you're called into duty!" Lisa asked.
"Sweetie, with a soft Democrat in the white House who won't argue with Russia when they shoot their own people it's impossible for a war to break out! Hey! Clinton would even kiss Saddam just to avoid war!" said Homer.
"Hey Oz this episode is supposed to be season nine." said Bart from the kitchen.
"Yeah but that's after Attic Boy gets out. Do you want the attic monster screwing things up more than I have already..." Oscar replied.
"No..." said Bart.
Hugo growled.
"Boys! I've told you a thousand times! There is no monster in the attic!" Homer yelled.
...
That night.
The Simpsons had TV dinners and ice cream sundaes.
"Much better than ice cream Mondays." said Oscar.
Bart winced exasperated.
Oscar blew on his flugelhorn. A tiny trumpet Scouts have in cartoons.
"Do not play with my flugelhorn." said Bart snatching it from Oscar.
"Dork!" said Homer.
Homer discussed with Marge about joining the navy.
She sighed exasperated. He was always getting fired or quitting to try a new career. And they never lasted.
Elsewhere because apparently this story is in season nine Hugo would have an active role in it.
Bart winced as Hugo was out of the attic in his rags using the bathroom.
In the master bedroom.
"Well, Homer you need a job. But what if you're called up to fight?"
"Not to worry, honey. We live in a highly technological age where fighting a war... is as simple as turning off a light." said Homer trying to clap the lights off because he thought they had clap technology.
[Clapping]
"We don't have a Clapper." said Marge.
[Speaking Loud] "Sorry, I can't hear you, Marge. I'm clapping." said Homer clapping.
[Clapping Continues]
Marge sighed.
Hall way.
"Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!" Oscar was making Curly sounds.
"You chowder head!" Hugo yelled slapping him.
Bart winced.
"Must you make a spectacle of yourself..." Lisa said gritting her teeth.
"Yeeeeees..." Oscar said smirking.
...
Homer went to the navy recruiting office.
"Just fill out this form, and you're on your way to the reserve." said a sailor.
"There's a question that's crossed out." said Homer.
"Well, due to a recent presidential order... we're not allowed to ask that particular question." said the sailor.
"Oh, I think I can make it out. "Are you a homosex-"" Homer read it.
"Oh, for God's sake, don't answer that. I could go to jail!" the sailor cried.
"But I'm not a ho-" Homer stated.
"No! Lalalala I can't hear you!" He ran off.
"Hmmmmm! Nice guy! I wonder if he's gay?" Homer asked himself.
At home. Grampa was looking after the kids.
"My gramp-pappy taught me that trick. He learnt it from the elves..."
"Coooooool! The elves..." Oscar cooed.
Bart face palmed.
Speaking of joining a uniformed and disciplined organisation. Bart was at scouts shortly after an afternoon with Grampa.
The surviving scouts that did make it back from Crystal Lake were sleeping in old bell tents.
Bart shared a tent with Martin. Because of course Martin would be in Scouts...
...
At home Oscar is flying a toy submarine around.
"Fire torpedoes! Pew! Pew!"
Hugo is watching him play.
"Mom do you think it's wise for Hugo to be out of the attic?" Lisa asked Mom.
Marge sighed as Hugo was scratching himself like a dog.
"GrrrrrrrM garrhhhhhablblbl! (Cough) I mean, Oscar have you seen my pigeon rat?" Hugo asked growling.
"No." said Oscar.
"Oh ok." said Hugo.
"Jiminy Crickets! There's a pigeon and a rat sewn together flying about in Bart's room!" Marge ran in.
Hugo glared at Oscar.
"Oh, really! Why did you think you could lie to me?" Hugo said sharply.
"I dunno..." said Oscar.
...
Homer went to Moe's and told him he wouldn't be around for a while. He had joined the navy.
"Mostly because Bart, Nelson, Ralph and Milhouse formed a boy band and kept singing Yvan Eht Nioj! For some reason I want to join the navy so I did." said Homer.
"Well, I'm not gonna let anything happen to my best friend. I'm joining too!" Barney joined too.
"Well, I'm not gonna let anything happen to my two best customers. I'm joining too!" said Moe.
Apu was in the bar for some reason. "And although my religion strictly forbids military service- What the hey! I'm in too!"
"No it doesn't Apu... Try saying that to the brave Gurkhas..." said Oscar.
"Gee, thanks, guys. This is just like The Deer Hunter." said Homer hugging his friends.
"The Deer Hunter? Uh oh, -That reminds me." Moe heads into the back office.
[Rapid Footsteps]
Amusingly in a back room of the tavern, Skinner, Krusty, and some Vietnamese gangsters are in a The Deer Hunter scene! Cooool!
They are playing Russian Roulette.
"Didi mah! Didi mah!" a Vietnamese gangster yelled.
"I'm sorry, guys. We're shutting down for a while. Sorry." said Moe running in.
"Coooool!" Oscar thought the reference was cool.
In the bar.
"So Homer we're in the navy now." said Moe hurrying back.
"Yeah, like Gilligan's Island or Popeye." said Homer.
Popeye was in the bar for some demented reason.
"(Popeye chuckling)"
...
The next day. Homer is leaving to join the navy.
"See ya in a week!" said Marge.
"Good luck, Dad. Although I'm morally opposed to the military-industrial complex... of which you are now a part." said Lisa. Damn hippie!
"Aw, that's sweet, honey. I'll bring you back a hat." said Homer.
Hey, Daddy. Bring me back a torpedo." Hugo whined.
"No!" said Homer.
"But Flanders got his kids torpedoes!" Hugo lied.
"Oh, he did, did he? I'll show him! I'll bring you a weapon of unimaginable destructive power!" said Homer.
"Cooooool!" said Hugo.
Bart winced. What is with this kid?!
"Homer!" Marge yelled.
"But only if you're good." said Homer to Hugo. "Even if you're not." He whispered and kissed him on the head. [Kissing Sound]
"What about me?" Bart asked.
"Get out of my sight! I am so mad at you for getting that piercing!" Homer snapped at Bart.
Bart sulked.
"I think you're being very mean to him!" Oscar snapped.
"No Dad's not..." Lisa sighed.
"Kallae kistnae..." Oscar rasped.
"Oz what in blazes makes Bart right in this situation?!" Lisa yelled.
"Oh don't make my last moments of you guys being you all bickering..." said Homer.
"Bye Dad!" saud Lisa and Hugo.
"Bye Homie!" said Marge.
"Bye Fatso..." said Oscar rudely.
...
The captain McAllister welcomes Homer aboard, but Homer has to shave his head,
"Noooooooooo!" screams Homer as he's held down and shaved.
"No not my hair! It's what makes me, me!" Homer cried.
He was shaved.
"Ow! Oh no! I'm a freak!" Homer cried.
He is put with the town's stupid citizens.
"I pulled the ring on this avocado." said Cleatus holding a grenade after pulling its ring.
The RDC face palmed.
They are then inspected.
"Polish those shoes... tuck in that shirt! What in blazes?!" An RDC yelled.
"Simpson where is your hat?!" Another RDC yelled.
"A seagull took it." Homer said glumly.
Homer goes through training and fails epically.
"Now I don't like you and you don't like me, maggot." said Homer's commanding officer.
"I like you." said Homer.
The commander was flustered. "Fine. You like me, but I don't like you."
"Maybe you would if you got to know me." said Homer.
"Don't get smart with me maggot!" The commander scolded him.
"What are you? A comedian?!" Another Recruit Division commanding officer or RDC barked.
"Well, I'm no Margaret Cho... but I do a pretty fair Columbo impression." said Homer. He did a Columbo impression.
After causing a boat to crash he does a Curly sound. However he's assigned to a crew alongside Moe, Barney and Smithers, who only joined because he wants to find a boyfriend.
As the families say goodbye Homer blanks Bart because of his piercing.
"Bart it's just psychological warefare. Don't give in!" Oscar whispers to him. Bart blanks Homer in return. Marge hrmmmms as Homer leaves.
...
There's then a montage of the crew working to In the Navy by The Village People.
"Uh, Mr Smithers. Why did you choose that song?!" Homer says with a grimace.
"Homer you can call me Waylon now. And I like this song!" Smithers is dancing to the song.
Later the crew are introduced to their captain who is nice, but professional at his job. However the captain gets fired out of a torpedo tube by Homer accidentally.
"Ooops!" Homer whined.
Homer is put in charge by the crew.
Plot 3
Meanwhile at Milhouse's.
Bart and Milhouse engaged in small talk simply to pad out the episode.
Milhouse explains to Bart of a film he watched where a mutant piranha somehow swam down the periscope and bit a man's eye.
"And then he screamed Ahhhhh! Ahhhh! And that old lady yelled I told you that would happen!?" Milhouse explained part of the movie.
Milhouse that's the stupidest movie ever!" said Bart.
They sat in silence twiddling their thumbs.
"Wanna see my magic eight ball?" said Milhouse.
"You have a magic eight ball?! Cooool!" said Bart.
"Will my parents make it through the day without arguing?' Milhouse asked his Magic 8 ball and shook it.
"Out look not so good." said the fortune.
"Kirk! Did you wash your underwear in the sink again?!" Luanne yelled downstairs.
"Wow! That thing is amazing!" said Bart.
Anyway when Milhouse had a girlfriend Bart broke it by smashing Milhouse on the head with it.
"So... you have an earring..." said Milhouse.
"Yep." said Bart.
"How did your parents react?" Milhouse asked.
"Killjoys as usual..." said Bart,
They went outside.
"I feel a craving for a cherry Squishee." said Bart.
Someone threw a dodgeball at Bart.
"Oof!"
"Well at least I still have my dignity." said Bart.
Nelson pantsed him. Ie pulled down his shorts.
"First person to laugh is a dead man..." Bart seethed.
...
At School Bart's ball gets stolen by gypsy children.
"Is our ball now." said a gypsy kid.
He then gets in trouble with Skinner for his ear piercing. Milhouse has one too, but gets away with it by claiming to be a gypsy by doing a bad vampire impression. Bart is suspended.
"Milhouse what's your reason before have you sent home young man!" Skinner said sharply.
"Um I'm a gypsy." said Milhouse.
"Prove it." said Skinner.
"Um... I vant to suck your blood!" said Milhouse.
"Um... that's a vampire impression, but they're also excused from the school's jewellery ban." said Skinner.
Ace glares at Milhouse for being offensive about vampires comparing them to gypsies.
"Ve are not gypsies!" Ace yelled at him for doing a bad vampire impression.
"Are you actually a vampire?" Milhouse asked.
"Yes. The school started permitting vampire children." said Ace. Milhouse could tell he wasn't human and obviously a vampire because he had pale skin and fangs.
Milhouse screamed and fled.
At home.
Marge wasn't happy Bart was suspended.
"Mom! Are you just going to let him throw away his education." Lisa whines.
"It's not your education, Nosey!" Oscar yells.
"I give up..." Marge goes to the kitchen to drink wine as she's lost control of her life.
"She should make chocolate pudding at 4 am if she's lost control of her life..." said Oscar.
"Oz! No!" Bart yelled.
"Anyway there's a vampire at school now." said Oscar. "I'm serious. His name is Ace."
"Yes I know. He's obnoxious..." said Lisa.
"He is not..." Oscar frowned.
"Is too..."
"Is not!"
Marge sighed and drank wine.
...
The next day Bart is watching cartoons in his pyjamas all day. Meanwhile Homer accidentally navigates the submarine into Russian waters. And unfortunately the Russian UN minister announces they are reforming the Soviet Union.
"Soviet union? But I thought you guys broke up!" said a minister for France.
"Yes that's what we wanted you to think!" said the Russian Minister before laughing evilly as he pushed a button and his country's name card switched from Russia to Soviet Union.
There is a montage of Russia becoming communist again with the Soviet flag, tanks coming out of carnival floats, soldiers marching the streets, the Berlin Wall sprouting from the ground and Lenin coming back to life as a zombie.
"Must destroy capitalism! Grrrrrr!" said Zombie Lenin.
Cooooool! Zombie Lenin!
Homer is on the news about him driving the submarine towards Russian waters just as it had become communist again.
"Oh lord!" said Marge as the family watched the news.
"I told him that photo would come back to haunt him..." said Lisa as Kent shouted a photo of Homer doing a Russian dance wearing a kossack and clearly drunk while holding a bottle of vodka.
However Grampa was being interviewed.
"Now my son maybe an oaf, a pig, a liar, an idiot, a communist but he is not a porn star!" said Grampa.
"Uh we didn't say anything about porn stars..." said the interviewer.
The sub is also leaking but Homer doesn't have Bart's ear piercing. "Stupid narrator... I'll have to use gum." He sealed the leak with gum and sent the sub to the surface.
Homer's sub is surrounded by Russian, Chinese, American and Penguin vessels. They demand he explains himself.
"It's my first day." He explains. He repeats himself in Russian, Chinese and penguin. The other crews laugh at him. Back at base he is put before majors to be court-martialled. However all the majors have blemished records so they let him go with an informal discharge.
Homer is sent home to his family. They hug and Bart doesn't learn anything.
"This story doesn't make any sense!" Lisa whines.
"Shut up, Lisa." Everyone says.
"You dont make any sense lLisa!" Barney shouted