CHAPTER 1
DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Outlander. I own Skylar, Ollie, Benjamin Allaway, and any characters I create in the future of this fic
Merriam-Webster defines the Butterfly Effect as, "A property of chaotic systems by which small changes in initial conditions can lead to large-scale and unpredictable variation in the future state of the system." Or in layman's terms, everything effects everything.
You can drive yourself crazy thinking about all the possible what ifs and how if one thing in your life had happened differently, you wouldn't be in this exact place at this exact moment in time.
What if my dad didn't leave? What if Mom hadn't gotten sick? What if I didn't go on that class trip? What if I ignored the buzzing? What if it had been any other person who found me at the bottom of the hill at Craigh na Dun?
Not only your own what ifs, but the people and circumstances around you all have a major impact on the path you end up leading. One person's decision or action can alter the rest of your life.
What if Ian never ran away from Lallybroch? What if Fergus hadn't pressured him into sleeping with Brigidh? What if Dad told Claire about Laoghaire sooner and then didn't need the alimony? What if Roger didn't leave Brianna that night?
But we try not to think about this. We wake up each morning and go about our day, not worrying about how drastically different things might turn out to be if we go left instead of right.
Everything happens for a reason. That's what we're told to believe.
And that's what I'm desperately clinging onto while I feel the blood run down my legs, staining the remaining shreds of my dress. As I fade in and out of consciousness and pray these monsters will finally have mercy and put me out of my misery.
Everything happens for a reason. But what part of my future needed this to happen? God, what I wouldn't give to have gone left that day instead of right.
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Over the last several months, Fraser's Ridge had grown from just the stand alone cabin with a family of four to its own small village. The amount of settlers had tripled and they had all built their own homes across the 10,000 acres. The feeling of seeing constant people every day rather than just one or two every few days gave the Ridge a much more warm and familial atmosphere.
Jamie continued to work on the Big House every free chance he had. Most of the men on the Ridge that were able to helped in any way they could, and they were able to make significant progress on it in such a short time.
However, this meant that you couldn't turn a corner anywhere in the house without hearing hammering or sawing, smelling wet paint, or stepping on loose nails or tools. The downstairs was nearly done, but the upstairs was not even halfway. So with the bedrooms being unlivable, Jamie and Claire had taken up in what would become a smaller guest room on the first floor.
Skylar had been staying in the cabin with Brianna and Roger for as long as she could, but the space had started feeling smaller and smaller every day as their sons grew. Although they insisted she didn't have to, Skylar knew she needed to move out and allow them to have the bigger space. But because she did not want to live by herself, she and Ollie stayed in the bedroom attached to the kitchen in the Big House. Jamie and Claire were more than happy to have their daughter and grandson under their roof. They also liked being able to have her close so they could keep an eye on her and make sure there was never any reason for them to be concerned for her wellbeing.
Though they tried to be subtle about it with the guise of "we're just making conversation to stay in the loop on what's happening in your life," Skylar could easily see through it and got tired of it very quickly. She tried to find any excuse to get out of the house as much as possible to avoid the hovering.
But finding excuses was not hard. Her siblings, and siblings-in-law, always welcomed her with warm open arms into their homes whenever and for however long she wanted to be there. This was also good for Ollie because he was able to spend a lot of time with his cousins. Even though he was less than a year old, he loved Jemmy and Germain. He had so much fun just sitting on the floor with them and playing with toys, and the other two boys loved to play with him as well.
Fergus and Brianna, along with Marsali and Roger, also kept tabs on how their sister was presenting, at least outwardly, each day. They were much less abrasive than Jamie and Claire, and though Skylar appreciated the far less intrusive interrogations they put her through, she wouldn't give them full answers either and would usually just move onto a different subject.
She had also found other ways of keeping herself busy by assisting in Claire's surgery, or joining the other women of the Ridge in sewing, candle making, etc. She tried to always keep her mind occupied and make herself exhausted enough so that when she went to bed she would pass out immediately; though her never-ending mind and thoughts still sometimes made that difficult.
During the months that Roger had been back, Skylar and the rest of the family were pestering them about when he and Bree would finally marry. The couple in question kept saying they wanted to settle into their life together with Jemmy and make a routine first.
But at last, the day came when Roger went down on one knee and officially proposed. Then, after a month of planning and getting everything ready, their wedding day was here. Skylar was surprised when Bree asked her to help her get ready, thinking she would only want her mother.
"I want my sister with me too," Brianna told her. "And as my official unofficial maid of honor, it is your duty."
So, Skylar and Claire were currently with the bride in the kitchen, making sure every last detail of her was absolutely perfect. Skylar finished lacing her into the wedding dress Claire had made while Claire cut off any loose threads hanging off the hem. It was made of a cream colored fabric with vines and multi-colored flowers embroidered on it.
When Claire was done, she stood up and looked Bree over. "It's not quite the white satin and orange blossom I imagined. No, it's even more beautiful."
"Seriously, Bree. You are absolutely stunning. I swear to God, if Roger doesn't cry when he sees you, you need to go back up the aisle and try again." Bree and Claire laughed softly at Skylar's joke.
Claire took a step back from her daughter to fully look at her. She walked behind her, checking to make sure not one hair was out of place.
"Now," she started, her voice already beginning to crack, "I didn't have my mother at either of my weddings. I've dreamt of this day for so long. Helping you into your dress. Doing your hair."
Bree turned to face her. "Mama, I'm here with you, the man I love, and the best little sister I never knew I needed." She held one of Claire's hands and held her other out to Skylar who was standing on the other side of the table next to them. Skylar gave her a small smile and took it. "It couldn't be more perfect."
Claire sniffed and wiped her eyes. "Right." She squeezed Bree's hand and touched Skylar's arm affectionately. She started to leave as she said, "I better go see where your father's gone to. It's almost time." She turned back to Bree before she walked out to look at her again and smiled with more tears in her eyes. "My baby." She walked back to her and cupped her face, staring at her for a beat before hugging her.
Watching them made Skylar's heart hurt. Not from jealousy over Claire's focus on Brianna in this moment. This was the little girl she'd carried and raised, getting ready for one of the most important days of her life. Of course all of her attention would be on Brianna, as it should. What made the lump form in throat was knowing she would never have this with her own mother. She missed her like mad every day since she died, but the last year and the excruciating pain that had come with it, as well as the overwhelming joy of having Ollie, made her ache for her mom. She wanted so desperately with her whole soul to talk to her and hug her and have her hold and love her grandchild. Seeing the face in the moon was not enough anymore.
But she didn't dare utter a word of this right now. She didn't want to ruin the pure happiness and joy of the day. She just held onto the heart shaped charm on the necklace from her mom that she had only ever taken off once since she got it.
When Claire pulled back from Bree, she looked at Skylar. Try as hard as Skylar might to hide it, Claire was able to see through her mask and knew what was going through her head. She crossed to her other daughter and hugged her tight. Skylar accepted the embrace warmly and returned it. Claire pulled from her and held her face as well. She gave her a kind smile and kissed her forehead. Skylar smiled back, silently thanking her for just being there. Claire sighed, looking between both girls, and made herself leave before she became a mess.
Skylar came around the table to face Brianna. "Roger is so lucky, Bree. You are truly the most beautiful bride in this century, the 20th or 21st."
Bree half smiled in response, but quickly looked back down at the table and picked at a stray drop of paint. Skylar could tell she was wanting to say something.
"Are you okay, Bree? You've been acting kind of off all week. Are you having second thoughts? Because if you are, just say the word and I'll drive the get-away horse."
Bree let out a chuckle, still not looking up. "I just…I feel a bit guilty."
"About what?"
The ginger bride looked back up at her, about to say it but then lost her nerve. "Never mind. I shouldn't have brought it up, I'm sorry."
Skylar put her hand on her arm to reassure her. "You can tell me anything, you know that. What's going on?"
"I…I just feel bad because…I was really hoping we would be able to have our weddings one right after the other. Me and Roger, and then you and…" She trailed off, afraid that finishing the sentence would only upset Skylar. But she didn't need to say it, Skylar knew who she meant; Ian.
Young Ian Murray, or Youngin' as she had called him for as long as she'd known him. It had been a year since Jamie and Claire told her he had left and was never coming back.
He had gone with them to bring Roger back from the Mohawk Native American tribe in upstate New York. But in order to save him, Ian had traded himself to stay in Roger's place and live the rest of his life among them.
Ian was Skylar's first and only love. They had handfasted the night before he left on the rescue mission and they had planned to marry for real when he came back. But he never did and never would.
Hearing Brianna bring him up made another permanent crack in her heart, but she forced on a smile and shoved the sadness and pain deep down inside her as she did every day.
"Bree, you do not have to feel bad about this at all. I am so happy that you're getting to marry the love of your life today."
"I just don't want you to feel any-"
"Why are we talking about me? We do not talk about me today. Today is all about you. This is your day and no one else's. It's barely even Roger's." Bree laughed. "You deserve this, Bree. You and Roger so deserve this happiness."
Bree smiled and hugged her. Skylar hugged her back, trying, as impossible as it was, to push out all the thoughts of Ian that filled her head every moment since he left for just this one day.
The girls pulled apart when they heard footsteps stop outside the room. They looked to the entry way and saw Jamie standing there holding a tray of different things he had brought for Bree.
Seeing him immediately tear up when he saw his blood daughter, Skylar knew they needed their time alone.
She said to them, "I should get to my seat and relieve Fergus and Marsali of Ollie. God knows Germain is a handful on his own."
She hugged Brianna once more and kissed her cheek. She went to leave, but Jamie stopped her before she made it out. He wrapped his free arm around her, holding her close, and kissed her head. Even though she would never say anything, he knew today was going to be hard for her and he wanted her to know he was here for her and whatever she would need to help her get through it.
Skylar breathed in deep the comforting scent of the man she was so grateful to get to call Dad. She looked up at him and gave him a small smile. He returned it and touched her face for a moment before letting her go. When he did, she continued outside.
As she walked down the aisle to her seat, she glanced around at everyone there, those she had known a long time and others she had met more recently.
There was her Great-Aunt Jocasta, accompanied, as always, by Ulysses. In the crowd was also Lord John Grey, Governor Tryon, and Lizzie holding wee Jemmy. Skylar still felt a twinge of guilt at how cruel she had been to Lizzie when they had first met, but they had long since moved on from that and she was glad to call the girl a friend.
Everyone around her had all become so involved in the life she never expected to have. She thanked the universe every day that she had been one of the rare few who heard the stones call to her at Craigh na Dun.
As she got to her seat, she saw Roger, who was already standing at the front with the priest. She went to him and whispered, "You better cry when you see her."
"I'm already halfway there," he whispered back. She chuckled and took her seat next to Fergus, Marsali, and Germain, who had chosen to stand next to his father instead of sit so he could lean against him.
Fergus turned his head to her and said, "There you are, ma soeur. We were beginning to think the wedding would start without you."
"I was trying to convince Bree that there was still time to make a break for it." Fergus and Marsali gently laughed. "Now, thank you so much for watching him, but can I have my baby back please?" She stroked Ollie's cheek with her finger and smoothed down his hair as he sat on Marsali's lap.
Marsali picked him up to look at him and cooed, "Ye want te go back te yer Mama? Yes? Alright, laddie, here ye are." She handed him back to Skylar.
"Oh, there is my handsome boy. I missed you so much." She hugged him and kissed his cheek, standing him up on her lap. Ollie smiled wide at who he recognized was his mom and stuck his finger in his drooly mouth.
Skylar sighed looking at her son. From the moment he was born, she felt a love so powerful for him that she never thought was possible. She knew should the situation ever arise, she would unblinkingly walk through fire for him or murder anyone who would try to hurt him with her bare hands.
But there was one thing about her little boy that she wished she couldn't see, which was that he looked just like his father. He had the same red-blonde curls and bright blue eyes. Everything down to the shape of his nose was Ian.
The rest of her family saw it too. Recently, Fergus had commented on how Ollie was the spitting image of Ian when he was that age. As soon as he said it, Skylar saw the look of panic cross his face. He started stumbling over his words to apologize for bringing Ian up, but she stopped him saying, "It's really okay. It's not like we're never supposed to talk about him or act like he never existed."
The same thing happened every time anyone mentioned Ian around her. They would instantly back track their words and pretend it never happened. And Skylar was beyond sick of it. She didn't want anyone thinking she was a fragile flower about to break. That's why she didn't let show the agony she felt every day, though some days were more difficult than others.
One of the more difficult times had been just a couple weeks before.
The Lyle family, one of the several families on the Ridge, had a beagle they called Sam. They originally took him in to help with hunting, but soon after, they loved him more so for companionship and he became part of their family.
They would bring Sam out to field in front of the Big House during the day to run around and the kids on the Ridge loved to play with him, including Ollie.
One afternoon, Skylar brought Ollie over to see Sam while Brianna and Roger were there with Jemmy.
"You see Sam, Ollie? Can you pet him?" She stood Ollie up and helped him reach out to pet the beagle. "Pet the doggy. Good job." She let him continue by himself. "Dog is sweet, huh? He's a good boy. Good dog."
Ollie smiled big while tapping Sam's head, and he suddenly exclaimed, "Dog!"
All the action of the three adults froze and their focus went entirely onto the little boy.
"Did he just say 'dog'?" Bree asked in amazement.
Skylar had to make sure it hadn't been a fluke. She sat Ollie down and said, "Sweetheart, what animal is Sam? Is he a dog?"
Sam came back over to the baby and sniffed him before licking his face. Ollie burst out into giggles, crying happily, "Dog! Dog!"
His audience erupted with praise and Skylar picked him up, hugging him tight.
"Oh my goodness, Rollie Pollie Ollie! I'm so proud of you! You said your first word!"
Ollie could sense whatever he had done had been a good thing, so he repeated the word a few more times to keep the celebration going.
Jamie and Claire had seen the commotion and came over to find out what it was about. Skylar got him to say it again and his grandparents raved and applauded. Ollie was all smiles and laughs throughout the entire thing.
"I cannot believe he learned to say 'dog' before 'mama,'" Skylar joked. She looked back at her son and told him, "That's your next word, okay? We have a deal?"
"Dog" was still only word he could say, and he started calling everyone and everything "dog." But it still brought a smile to Skylar's face no matter how many times she heard it.
However, behind her outer joy, crack after everlasting crack was being made on her heart. The first day he said it, she was over the moon and so proud that he was starting to speak. But at same time, she had to fight to keep herself from falling apart in front of everyone; and when she put him to bed that night, she couldn't stop from silently crying herself to sleep.
She hadn't known she was pregnant until months after she and Ian handfasted, and she had been so excited to tell him when he returned to her. She had imagined a whole life with them raising their child together, a dream that had been quickly shattered. And hearing Ollie say "dog," it only reminded her that it was just the first of many milestones in his life that Ian would miss. He wasn't going to be around to see his son grow up and would likely never even know he existed.
A hand on her shoulder snapped her back to reality. It was Marsali.
"Are ye alright, Sky? Yer verra far away."
"Of course. Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." She had to control herself. This was Brianna and Roger's wedding and she couldn't let herself be distracted from that. She adjusted Ollie so he was sitting on her facing out. "I was just staring at my little man. I can't get enough of him." She let him grip her finger and kissed his head.
She didn't look back at Marsali or Fergus for a response. She knew they knew she was lying and she could feel the looks they were giving her, the ones full of worry and pity that she was far too used to.
Luckily, their focus was turned from her when they heard Jamie yell, "The Frasers of the Ridge are here!"
Skylar held onto Ollie and stood up with everyone else, cheering and applauding as Claire was the first one to come down the aisle. She smiled at Skylar as she went past to say a quick word to Roger, then went to her place in the audience.
Jamie and Bree were right behind her. Jamie brought her to meet Roger, then bowed and stood back with his wife.
The bride and groom stepped onto the altar in front of the priest, and the congregation all sat back down.
"Dearly beloved," Pastor Caldwell began, "we are assembled here teday in the presence of God. Let us therefore reverently remember that God has established and sanctified marriage fer the welfare and kindness of mankind."
Ollie, suddenly overcome with excitement at seeing his Auntie Bree and Uncle Roger, decided to voice it by exclaiming, "Dog! Dog!" to them.
Skylar put her hand lightly on his head and held him a little tighter. "Shhhhh, sweetheart," she cooed while trying not to laugh at the adorable outburst.
She mouthed, "Sorry," to Bree and Roger who had looked over, but they just smiled and chuckled in response, finding it amusing.
Ollie's interruption was also hilarious to Germain who couldn't contain his giggles.
Fergus had the boy lay his head on his lap and spoke hushed to him, "Sh sh sh sh, mon fils. Nous devons être tranquilles."
When the children were settled and the ceremony continued, Skylar leaned over and whispered to Fergus, "We're gonna get kicked out of our sister's wedding."
"I think that's the boys' plan," he replied.
She bit her lip to keep her grin at bay, and went back to paying attention.
Pastor Caldwell then took the couple through their vows. "Roger Jeremiah, wilt thou have this woman te be thy wife, and wilt thou pledge thy troth te her, in all love and honor, in all duty and service, in all faith and tenderness, te live with her and cherish her according te the ordinance of God in the holy bond of marriage?"
Keeping his eyes locked on Bree, he answered, "I will."
Caldwell then turned to Bree. "Brianna Ellen, wilt thou have this man te be thy husband, and wilt thou pledge thy troth te him, in all love and honor, in all duty and service, in all faith and tenderness, te live with him and cherish him according te the ordinance of God in the holy bond of marriage?"
"I will." The look Bree had when gazing at the man about to be her husband gave Skylar butterflies.
"Who giveth this woman te be married te this man?"
Jamie stood up and answered, "I do."
The couple then placed their hands on top of each other and made their oath of faithfulness and love to one another.
Skylar's heart sunk to the bottom of her stomach as she watched. She tried to block them out, but the memories of her and Ian on the night of their handfast played in her head.
Like it had just happened, she could so vividly see them kneeling on the floor of the lean-to with their hands tied together and reciting their vows, so in love and wanting the other so much that they didn't want to, or couldn't, wait until they could be married properly.
"I, Young Ian James Fitzgibbons Fraser Murray, take ye, Skylar Anne Kelley Fraser, to be my lawful wedded wife. With my goods I thee endow, with my body I thee worship, in sickness and in health, in richness and poverty, so long as we both shall live, I plight thee my troth."
"I, Skylar Anne Kelley Fraser, take you, Young Ian James Fitzgibbons Fraser Murray, to be my lawful wedded husband. With my goods I thee endow, with my body I thee worship, in sickness and in health, in richness and poverty, so long as we both shall live, I plight thee my troth."
She remembered every second of that night and everything tiny thing she had felt. It had been like a dream, like a fairytale. It didn't feel real as Ian had looked at her like she was his reason for living and then kissed her, sealing themselves as husband and wife.
In the present, her chest was tightening as she remembered. She swallowed back tears that were begging to be let out and put the smile back on her face to cheer and clap as Brianna and Roger became Mr. and Mrs. Mackenzie with a kiss.
The newlyweds went back up the aisle and the guests made their way to the lawn where the reception would take place.
Skylar, carrying Ollie, joined the line to congratulate Bree and Roger who were standing with Claire and Jamie.
When she got to the front, she gave Brianna a huge hug and said, "Congratulations, sis." She kissed her cheek and turned to face Roger. "Welcome to the family officially, Roger Mac."
"I couldn't be prouder te be part of it," Roger told her. She smiled and hugged her new brother-in-law as well.
"And this one is also very excited about it, if you couldn't tell." She gestured to the 11 month old in her arms that had his head on his mother's shoulder, looking like he was about to fall asleep any second.
Claire stroked his hair. "I think all the fun he was having during the ceremony tired him out."
"I apologize again for his, um, contribution," Skylar directed to Roger and Bree.
Bree just smiled. "Don't even. Any interruption by him is always welcome." She pat his cheek with her finger. "Huh, munchkin? You just wanted to say hi?" Ollie gave her his cute tiny smile and giggled, causing the adults to laugh too.
"I think it was more that the attention was not on him fer more than 10 seconds and he needed to fix that," Jamie countered.
Knowing her son, Skylar agreed. "That's 100% what it was. It always has to be about you, yeah?" She kissed his curly haired head and he rubbed his face into her chest. "I'm gonna keep moving so I don't hold up the line, but I'll find you in a bit?" she said to Bree.
"Please do." Skylar squeezed her hand and walked on.
As the party began, she found a table to sit at and watched all the action in front of her. There were times where she still couldn't fully believe that she was really here. She barely ever thought of her old life in 21st Century anymore. It was like she was supposed to have been in this time all along and the first 16 years of her life in the 2000s had been a mistake. She looked around at her friends and family and at her child, babbling away to himself in one of the bassinets that had been brought out for the babies. She held his hand and sighed, feeling content.
Is content the same as happy though? she thought. It would be so much better if you were here to share this with me. You should be here with us. She twiddled with her necklace, unsure if she was talking to her mom or Ian. Both, most likely.
"May I join you?" She looked up and saw Lord John standing next to her.
She grinned, very happy to see him. "Please do." She gestured to the chair next to her and he sat down. "I hope you're not too upset that you're only a guest at Bree's wedding instead of the groom."
He laughed. "I am masking the heartbreak as best I can." She smiled at the joke. "I am truly happy for the two of them. They are very well suited for one another."
"Absolutely. After all they've been through, they deserve their happy ending."
"As do you, Skylar." She instantly recognized the classic "are you okay" expression that everyone she interacted with cast towards her. She gave a half smile and looked back down at her baby.
"Ollie is all I need for my happy ending. I couldn't ask for anything more."
"I hope you know that should you ever want company or someone to talk to outside of your family that you see on the daily, I am always more than happy to find time to come down to visit you. I'm only a letter away."
"I am forever grateful for your friendship, John. Thank you." To steer this conversation away from her, she brought up a new topic. "How is William, by the way? His schooling is good? He's enjoying London still?"
"Yes and very much. He writes frequently, and he continues to ask about you in each letter."
She laughed, remembering when she met the then 12 year old and him not even bothering to try to hide his massive crush on her. "Well, tell him to write to me directly. I'd love to hear from him."
"You will receive dozens of letters weekly, I can guarantee it."
"Then I'll have something to do to keep me busy."
Something caught John's eye behind her and he raised his eyebrows. "Speaking of staying busy." Skylar turned around to follow his gaze and she saw one of the young men of the Ridge surrounded by three teenage girls all talking to him and giggling with big flirty doe eyes. "He seems to have his hands full." Skylar laughed to herself as she watched the girls fawn over him while he clearly wasn't into it but was too polite to say anything.
"That's Benjamin Allaway. He settled here a few months ago and he's become very popular, with the young girls at least."
"He is rather attractive."
Skylar didn't deny that. He was well over six feet tall and you could tell, even with a shirt on, that he was very well built but with a lean torso. His long pin straight brown hair was always pulled away from his face, giving those around him the chance to admire his softer, yet not boyish, jawline and his emerald green eyes. By all definitions, he was very good looking. But Skylar was one of the extremely rare few that had no interest in him romantically.
She looked back to her friend and teased, "Do you want me to fight those girls off and away from him so you can swoop in?"
He grinned. "I thank you for the offer, but I have no desire to swoop, as you put it."
"How is your love life, John?"
His cheeks turned pink as he answered, "Nothing worth discussing, I'm afraid."
"No? Nothing? No Lords or princes up there in Virginia? Ooh! Or a stableboy? The Lord and the stableboy's forbidden romance, just like out of a storybook. Very The Prince and the Pauper."
"Um…so, Ollie is turning one soon, yes?"
Skylar snorted and rolled her eyes, but went along with the change of subject. "God, don't remind me. I can't believe it. His first birthday is just next month. He's growing way too fast." She looked back down at Ollie and saw that in the couple moments she wasn't paying attention to him, he had fallen asleep. She smiled and stroked his cheek with her finger. "You'll be here for it, won't you?" she said to John.
"I wouldn't miss it. You'll have to tell me what you would like me to get him as a gift."
"You really don't have to get him anything."
"Now what kind of guest would I be if I did not bring him a gift for such a special day? I won't hear it."
"Very well. I'm positive that anything you bring would be perfect. He's only one, so if it can fit in his mouth, he'll love it." The two laughed heartily and continued to talk pleasantly until John was called away.
In what seemed like minutes, the light had grown dark, but the celebrations were far from over. The party actually seemed like it was just taking off since all the children, save Ollie and Jemmy in their bassinets, had been brought home and put to bed. Jamie's whiskey, that he had brewed specifically for the day, was being heavily indulged in, as well as several guests had broken out their own flasks of various alcohols. Though Skylar didn't partake in the drinking, she was entertained by the much livelier and high-spirited crowd before her.
She was still at her table but Claire had since joined her, keeping watch over Jemmy while his parents enjoyed their reception.
They had been in the middle of a conversation regarding plans for Ollie's birthday, a popular subject of the evening, when Marsali interrupted them by running over and saying, or ordering Skylar more like, "Sky, ye must come. We're formin' a game and ye have te take part."
Skylar bit back a laugh at Marsali's enthusiasm as she shook her head to decline. "I'm sorry, Marsi."
"Do ye want me te beg on me knees?" She did just that to show how strongly she felt about Skylar joining.
She couldn't hold in her laugh at the display. "I can't leave Ollie right now."
"I'm happy to watch him. You go on," Claire offered.
Skylar turned to her. "You're already babysitting Jemmy. I can't put another one on you."
"I promise you, it would be a pleasure to look after two of my three grandsons. Go have fun." Claire stared her down, making it clear she didn't have an option.
Skylar gave in and stood up. "I won't be long."
"Not if I have anythin' te say about that," Marsali countered, then took her hand and pulled her away.
As they headed in the direction of the stables, Skylar asked, "So what kind of game is this?"
"Tongue twisters."
That put a smile on the American's face. "Well, you should've led with that."
"I knew ye'd be excited."
From her many years of theatre classes and shows back in the 21st Century, Skylar had mastered many different tongue twisters and she loved to entertain her family and friends here with them.
The two joined the group that was gathering in a circle, and Marsali brought her to a spot next to Fergus.
"I told ye I'd convince her!" she gloated as they got to him.
Fergus raised his eyebrows as if he didn't expect Skylar to actually join them. "I didn't think it would be possible."
"I'd never miss out on an opportunity to kick your butt at a game," Skylar teased him.
John Quincy Myers spoke up to address the players of the game. "The rules are simple. Ye repeat the rhyme exactly or ye take the forfeit, which in this case is a sip from the remnants of whatever bottles I've found lyin' around."
"God, I can gag just thinking about how that tastes," Skylar whispered to Marsali.
Marsali elbowed her gently. "Good thing this is yer specialty then."
Myers continued. "If ye catch the flask, yer up, and then ye pass it on te the next."
He started the game off with only the first line of Peter Piper and succeeded, and then tossed flask to another man and so on.
About five rounds in, Skylar saw someone come into the circle next to her.
"Glad you could join us, Benjamin," she said to him. It had been Benjamin Allaway who came in, the man John Grey had asked about earlier.
Seeing he had ended up next to her, he stood straighter and smiled, nodding at her to reciprocate the greeting. "Mistress Murray. Am I too late fer the explainin' of how this is done?"
"I'm positive you'll pick it up quick. Just watch for a minute."
After another three tried their hand at it, he said to her, "Yer right. It's doesna seem te difficult te understand." And perfect timing, because after Ronnie Sinclair had finished his turn, he tossed the flask into the crowd and Benjamin caught it. It definitely took him by surprise and he looked like a deer in headlights. But at the group's urging, he went into middle. He looked around at everyone and ended on Skylar. She gave him an encouraging smile and that seemed to help him through it.
He recited, "I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit," which was the rhyme Ronnie had attempted just before him and failed at. Everyone cheered and whooped for him as he took a celebratory sip from the flask, then threw it into the hands of Isaiah Morton.
"I'm impressed, Benjamin," Skylar complimented him when he returned to his spot. "You just flew through that rhyme like it was nothing."
He smiled shyly and downcast his eyes. "I dinna think 'twas anythin' te brag about. It wasn't one of the much harder ones I've heard others master."
"Don't sell yourself short. Have you heard all the other men crash and burn at it?"
"Well, I thank ye then fer yer kind words, Mistress Murray."
She smiled kindly at him and turned back to game, not seeing the sparkle in Benjamin's eye as he kept looking at her.
She suddenly gasped but it turned into a cackle when Isaiah threw the flask to Fergus.
"Omigod! You got this, mon frere. I believe in you!" But when he went into the center of the circle, she whispered to Marsali, "I'll bet you five shillings he can't get through a single word."
"I'm no takin' that bet because yer more than likely right." They snickered as they turned their attention to their husband and brother, respectively.
Fergus took a moment to think about the words, and then went with his attempt. "Peter pecker plucked a pluck of-" But the rest of the players cut him off with teasing jeers.
"Booooooo! Forfeit!" Skylar called out.
With everyone pressuring him into the forfeit, he took the bowl of Myers' concoction and took a sip. The look on his face after made it obvious he found it disgusting.
Marsali tried to make him feel better by saying, "Ye would have more luck in French, my love."
As he walked away, he half-minded tossed the flask and Marsali ended up being the one to catch it. Everyone let out a collective "oooh" and gasp since she was the first woman to have a go. Skylar bit her tongue as she grinned wide.
This game just got much more interesting.
Marsali very confidently went to the center and repeated with no issue, "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers." The crowd raised their glasses to her in praise. She was about to give the flask away when Myers stopped her.
"Quickly, think of another Mistress Fraser!"
"I don't know any-"
"Or else ye'll face a forfeit!"
"My mind is blank!"
Skylar called to her from sidelines. "Marsi! Remember the one I taught you just last week?"
She thought for a second, but then it came to her and her confidence came right back.
"Okay okay okay. Tis maybe a wee bit vulgar fer a lady." She glanced at Skylar and winked at her, and Skylar blew her a kiss. Marsali closed her eyes and sighed. "May the Lord forgive me." She gave a quick smirk to the crowd and then went into it. "There was an old pheasant, and he's not too pleasant, and though I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'll keep pluckin' pheasants til the pheasant pluckin's done." The circle gave a loud cheer for her in response.
Skylar applauded too, shouting, "That's my sister! Yes!"
"How about it, Sky? Show them all how it's done?" Marsali threw the flask to her and everyone was excited when she caught it.
Marsali touched Skylar's shoulder for good luck as they passed each other and Skylar took her place in the spotlight.
She took a breath and then said, "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers." The crowd cheered at her success, but she wasn't finished yet and continued the rhyme over everyone. "A peck of pickled peppers, Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?" The circle let out loud whoops and applause while Fergus booed her playfully, like she had at his turn.
She turned towards him. "Fergus Fraser, that's not very sportsmanlike of you."
"Too easy!" he heckled.
"Too easy? As I recall you couldn't make it through the first line, mon frere."
Everyone reacted like they were high schoolers watching a hallway fight.
Myers exclaimed, "Another Mistress Murray!"
"Oh, I couldn't." The crowd egged her on, excited to hear more. "Very well, if you insist." She cleared her throat and went into one of her favorites, "All I want is a proper cup of coffee made in a proper copper coffee pot. You can believe it or not, but I just want a proper cup of coffee in a proper coffee pot. Tin coffee pots or iron coffee pots are of no use to me. If I can't have a proper cup of coffee in a proper copper coffee pot, I'll have a cup of tea." The audience went nuts and Skylar gave a curtsey. She looked around for the next player, and when she decided, she said, "Would you give us the honor, Lord John?" She tossed the flask to John Grey, who was trying to hide amongst the bodies, and he caught it. He begged silently, "Do not make me do this." She just smiled wide and went back to her place.
He reluctantly took a couple steps and then said, "Um...some Shakespeare, anyone?"
Skylar subtly covered her mouth to hold in her laughter as the crowd went silent from his suggestion. Everyone looked at each other in confusion and then Myers exclaimed, "No! forfeit!" That riled everyone back up and they directed good natured taunting at John as the forfeit potion was brought to him. He gave another apprehensive glance at Skylar and she just shrugged. But being a good sport, he drank from the bowl.
As the game went on, Benjamin bent down to Skylar and whispered, "And ye claimed I was impressive. That was unbelievable what ye let roll off your tongue so easy."
She chuckled. "I've had a lot of practice. But thank you, Benjamin." She touched his arm very casually and for only a second before putting her attention on the game, but he looked at her hand on him and kept staring at that spot for an extra beat, feeling tingles and heat from the contact spread through him. He moved his eyes back to her and kept his gaze on her for rest of the game. Skylar was too wrapped up in laughing at the drunk men speaking unintelligibly to notice.
After many many many more mess ups, everyone dispersed and went back to the party.
Skylar walked arm in arm with Marsali back to her table, and as they went, she said, "Thank you for dragging me over. It was fun."
"Aye, it really was. And it seemed many were verra impressed wi' yer rhyming. Benjamin especially," Marsali emphasized. "Ye shoulda seen him, his eyes were nearly poppin' out'a his head."
"I told him, it's all about the practice."
"Maybe ye should offer him some lessons."
Skylar laughed at what she assumed was a joke. "Yeah, maybe." As they neared the table, she said, "I think I can make it the rest of the way. You go on. I'll catch up later." Marsali squeezed her arm and left her as Skylar continued on.
Before she made it all the way, she was almost knocked down by Bree and Roger coming out of a dance.
"There's the happy couple," she said to them. "I haven't seen you two in a while."
"It's easy te get lost out there," Roger told her. He looked back to the others still enthusiastically dancing. "We needed a break. It's always exhaustin', no matter what century yer in. And a wise man once said, 'no one dances sober unless he's insane.'"
"That is just a straight fact. Whoever said that is very very wise indeed."
"So then, a drink, anyone?" But he didn't get father than two steps before Lizzie came up and took his arm.
"Mistress, may I?" she asked Bree.
She giggled. "Of course, Lizzie," and Lizzie dragged Roger back out to dance, still sober. He looked back at Skylar and Bree, but they just laughed and Skylar waved playfully at him.
"To our children?" Skylar suggested.
"Let's."
They put their arms around each other's waist and went to Claire who was still with their sons.
Bree rubbed Jemmy's belly and joked, "Should we teach Jem how to do the mashed potato? Or the twist?" dancing each.
Claire chuckled. "Anyone watching you, they'll think you've gone stark raving mad."
Skylar laughed out loud at her sister. "Yeah, including me. I'm sorry, the what? The mashed potato? Who the hell came up with that?"
"Well, what dance moves do you have in the 21st Century?" Bree questioned.
"Us Gen Z'ers, we have the floss or the Woah or the classic whip and nae nae." She demonstrated each one and both Claire and Brianna just stared at her like she was from another planet. "Okay, your dance was named after a vegetable so shut up." The three laughed heartily.
Still laughing, Claire rhetorically asked, "What happened in those years between the 60s and the 2000s that led to that?"
"Way too much to get into," Skylar answered.
"Mistress Murray?" Each of the ladies' heads turned to the voice that they found belonged to Benjamin. He stood before them with a nervous smile directed to Skylar.
"Benjamin," she greeted him. "Long time no see."
He bowed and asked, "I was wonderin' if ye might do me the honor of a dance?"
"That's so sweet. But, um…" She looked down at her sleeping boy, hesitant to leave him again after just getting back to him.
But Brianna quickly eased her mind on it. "Mama and I have your baby, he'll be safe with us." Skylar still didn't look completely certain, so Bree pushed more, with words and a literal small shove. "It's my wedding and you must do what I say. And I order you to go have fun and dance!"
Looking back at the man who asked, Skylar smiled kindly and accepted. "I would love to dance, Benjamin. Thank you." His face lit up and he offered her his arm. She took it and they went to join the rest of the partygoers, not noticing the glance between Claire and Bree that made it obvious they knew something the other girl did not.
Skylar surprised herself at how much fun she was having at the reception. She couldn't remember the last time she genuinely smiled or laughed this much, and for the briefest of moments, she was able to come out of the dark hole she had buried herself deep into. She wished she could make it last for longer than this one night.
But after three long dances, she couldn't move anymore without feeling like her legs were going to give out. When music ended, she clapped along with everyone, then said to her dance partner, "Thank you, Benjamin, for asking me to dance. That was so much fun and I really needed it."
He turned slightly pink at her words. "Tis I that should thank ye, Mistress Murray, fer joinin' me." He bowed to her and she curtsied in return. She smiled at him one more time, then went to go back to Ollie.
When she got to the table, she saw Ollie and Jemmy still asleep, but with Claire by herself.
"Where's Bree?" she asked.
"She went to go find your father to try and get him to dance."
"Omigod, I would pay big money to see Dad do the mashed potato, or whatever other old dance moves you guys did in the 60s."
"How about you give it a try, and then see if you're still laughing."
"I would, truly, but, unfortunately, I'm all danced out." She put hand on Ollie's stomach it and rubbed small soothing circles on it as he slept.
"I was watching the two of you out there. You're quite the dancer."
Skylar scoffed. "Ah yes, I'm proud to say I excel at the art of 'just keep smiling and no one will notice how bad you are.'"
Claire chuckled. "Well, champion dancer or not, it was so nice to see you having fun. You looked happy."
"I am happy." She plastered a smile on her face to cover up the lie. She hoped that if she kept saying over and over that she was happy, one day she might start to believe it.
But Claire could see through the façade and took this time to try again to get her daughter to open up. "You don't have to keep smiling so no one will notice how sad you are, Skylar," she told her, using her words against her. "You know you don't have to hide your feelings, ever. Me, Jamie, Bree, Fergus, everyone, we are always here for you and on your side. You can talk to us about him, if you want. You don't have to act strong for anyone and keep everything inside all the time. You shouldn't, in fact."
Skylar was saved from having to respond when Bree returned.
"Hey! Welcome back," she called out to divert Claire's attention to the red head.
"Well, did he put Elvis to shame?" Claire asked with a teasing grin.
"Oh, um…couldn't find him," Brianna answered. She went right to Jemmy and brushed some strands of hair away that had fallen out of his bonnet. The airy tone of her voice and the more hunched way she was carrying herself was a far cry from the jovial bride they had seen just minutes ago.
Claire was quick to pick up on it. "Are you alright, darling?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I was just thinking it's a shame cameras don't exist yet."
"Seriously. A wedding like this is just begging to be posted about on Instagram," Skylar added.
"Is that a part of that internet that you've been trying to explain to me for years?" Claire questioned.
"Yeah, but social media is a whole other lecture for another day."
"Well, even though there is no Instagram to post on," she looked back at Bree and held her arms, "it has been a day to remember, Mrs. Mackenzie, with or without photographs."
Bree's face dropped a bit as she said, "You know, Daddy wouldn't have been in them, even if we were in our own time."
"But, Frank would have been so proud of you. And he would be delighted that you're marrying an Oxford man." The three turned to look at Roger in the middle of one of the dances, trying his best to move in sync with everyone else. "We used to joke, living in Boston, that you'd end up with a Chad or a Chip."
Skylar gagged. "God, I can't even imagine. Guys with those kinds of names are always assholes."
"Well, luckily, I have a Roger." Bree smiled watching her husband. "And a Mackenzie to boot."
Like he heard them talking about him, Roger broke out of the group and made his way over to them. He looked at each one individually and asked, "Which one of ye lovely ladies would like te cut a rug?"
"I've done my fair share of rug cutting for the night, I'm afraid," Skylar explained, taking a step back. She looked at Claire and Bree to see if either would accept his offer.
Claire came forward. "Don't mind if I do," and took Roger's hand to go join the dance.
The two remaining young women laughed quietly at the sight, but Skylar was distracted by the nervous tension radiating off of Brianna. "Are you sure you're okay, Bree?" she asked her again. "Your mind seems elsewhere."
"Yeah. I'm fine."
"You're a terrible liar, dear sister. Please tell me you don't still feel bad about getting married when I'm not." Bree didn't answer, she just crossed arms and looked down at Jemmy. Skylar thought that that was her answer. "Omigod, Brianna. You are the sweetest and kindest person to be worrying about me on this of all days, but as I've told everyone a thousand and more times just today, I'm really fine."
"I, uh, just can't help it, I guess."
"You know what'll help you to forget about me? Getting drunk. Dad's whiskey is a big hit so if you don't hurry you'll miss it completely."
"That sounds like a great idea. Come with me?"
"I'll stay here with the boys, but bring me back one?"
"You got it." She touched Jemmy's head and walked away.
While holding onto Jemmy's bassinet, Skylar looked down at her own sleeping child and smiled. She touched Ollie's cheek softly and played with his curls, whispering to him, "Mo bhalach beag falt ruadh. Mo aon agus a-mhàin, mo bheannachd, solas mo bheatha." Ollie squirmed in his sleep and smiled, enjoying whatever dream was playing in his head. Skylar felt so light watching him but also found it difficult to take a full breath. Whenever he smiled, he was all Ian; in his sleep, yes, but even more so when he was awake. His always bright blue eyes would light up even more and you couldn't help but smile back at his contagious joy. "You are so your father's son," she continued to him. She felt the lump in her throat start to rise, but she forced it to disappear, an act that she had mastered as well as tongue twisters.
After hours of dancing, laughing and drinking, it was almost midnight and Skylar needed to put Ollie, and herself, to bed. Bree, Fergus and Marsali begged her to stay out longer, and Jamie and Claire even offered to take on Ollie for the night so she could enjoy herself. She thanked them graciously for their offer, but she was so exhausted she could nearly fall asleep standing up. She told her family goodnight, congratulating Bree and Roger once more, then went inside the house and to her room.
Ollie was already sound asleep, so putting him in his crib was no issue. Skylar took her hair down from the half up-half down twists it was in and brushed through the tangles that had developed in her waves during the day. She then took off her dress to leave her in her shift, blew out the candle on her side table and got into bed. Laying in the quiet room, she could hear the sounds of the party in the distance, with no sign of it stopping anytime soon.
She touched her heart charm still hanging around her neck and let out the breath she had been holding all day and night. She rolled over to look beside her at the empty space in the bed. Night was always the worst, when she was alone with nothing else but her mind; including her imagination that allowed her to see Ian filling that empty space next to her.
She still had every detail of his face memorized. She tuned out the music and noise around her, and she could see his sparkling eyes looking back at her and his infectious smile that could still make her melt just from thinking about it. She could feel him pulling her into him and holding her so close that she could hear his heartbeat, and she would feel the same tingles on her lips as imaginary Ian would kiss her.
Every night she would live in this fantasy for as long as she could. But when she did have to come out of it and be brought back to reality, it was unbearable. She would remember once more that she would never see him smile at her or have him hold her or kiss her again, and then the bits and pieces of her that were forever trying to put themselves back together would shatter all over again.
She closed her eyes and a few of the tears she had held in all day trickled down her face and onto her pillow. She silently called to him, as she did every night as she tried to force herself to sleep, Please. Please come home. Come back to me and Ollie.
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The next day, everything had gone back to normal and it was just another peaceful day. Skylar had been assisting Claire with her multitude of patients starting early that morning, many of which were just in need of aid to deal with their hangovers. But after Skylar had put Ollie down for his afternoon nap, Claire gave her the rest of the day off. Though she knew it was a pity gift because of the roller coaster of emotions Claire knew she had gone through during the wedding, Skylar accepted said gift happily.
So now, she and Marsali were sitting together on the front porch steps of the Big House, enjoying one of their rare moments being child free.
Skylar closed her eyes and turned her face up towards the sun, letting the warmth sink into her skin. "What is this peace and quiet? I didn't know this still existed. I can't even remember the last time I had just a minute of nothing to do."
Marsali chuckled. "Lord, I ken it. Fergus is a saint fer allowin' me this time fer meself and watchin' Germain on his own."
"I can't believe he just offered to. How did you get him to do that?"
"Well, he knows that in just a few months, I'll have me hands full once more, so he wants me te be able te relax while I still can."
"What's happening in a few months?" Marsali pressed her lips together tight, like she was trying to keep from revealing a secret. It took a couple seconds, but then it clicked. Skylar put an excited hand on her sister-in-law's knee. "Marsali, are you pregnant?"
The blonde's sly secretive grin spread into a wide smile, confirming Skylar's suspicions.
"Omigod!" Skylar hugged her, and the two laughed with joy. "Congratulations! When did you find out?"
"Yesterday mornin'. I didn't get te say anythin' te Fergus about it until late last night, and I wanted te tell him before I told anyone else."
"And how did he take it? Is he happy?"
"Verra. He is so excited te have a another little bairn runnin' around."
"Two kids. Jeez, you weren't kidding about having your hands full again."
"In fact, Fergus and I may have accidentally made it two comin' instead of only one in celebration."
Skylar very quickly caught on to what she meant and covered her ears in an attempt to unhear it. "Marsi, he is my brother! I do not want that picture in my head." Marsali snickered at her reaction. "Ollie is going to be so excited to have another cousin to play with. And Germain too, with a little brother or sister."
"I'm prayin' it'll be a girl this time. Three boys born so close in time te one another, it's time fer a wee lass te come about in this family."
"She won't have just one older brother looking out for her. Ollie and Jemmy will help Germain make sure nothing will ever happen to her. I wish good luck to any suitors getting past the three of them." It was quiet again for a minute before Marsali attempted a question that she was wanting to ask but was unsure of how Skylar would take it.
"What about Ollie, then?"
"What about Ollie…what?"
"Will ye ever give him a siblin' of his own?"
"I don't know how I possibly could since I'm missing something rather important to make a baby." She forced out a single dry laugh to cover any hint of sadness she felt over the subject.
"I mean, that could be easily fixed."
"Oh, Christ," Skylar muttered under her breath and rolled her eyes, but still wearing a half grin.
"It might be good fer Ollie te have a playmate always right there wi' him."
"He has his cousins and other children here on the Ridge. He will have plenty of playmates. I'm not worried in the least about him being lonely."
"But havin' a brother or sister is far different than-"
Skylar stopped her, knowing Marsali would keep going if she didn't say something. "I don't want to have children with another man, Marsali," she told her, keeping her voice soft but the tone very final. Skylar looked straight at her and, in her eyes, Marsali could see a glimpse of the utter heartbreak her friend never let anyone see; and having been allowed to see it, she knew it was a big deal and that Skylar was very serious about her decision.
"Aye. I understand," she said back genuinely sincere. She silently apologized through a look and Skylar nodded, accepting it. Marsali then added in a much more joking and positive mood, "I'll tell ye what, if I'm te have any more bairns, ye can take one off me hands and raise it as yer own. I'd be grateful fer it." Skylar's smile came right back, and they continued their pleasant conversation until Jamie came over.
"Skylar," he called. She and Marsali looked up at him when he stopped in front of them. "I just came from a visit wi' Aunt Jocasta."
"You too? I heard from Bree that Roger saw her this morning and apparently their conversation was…interesting," Skylar said.
"It appears it's now yer turn. She's asked me te find ye and send ye te see her."
"The nothing was nice while it lasted," she said to Marsali, then squeezed her hand affectionately and stood up. She smiled at Jamie as she past him and started for Jocasta.
Approaching Jocasta's tent, Skylar saw the older woman sitting in one of the chairs outside, and she announced herself. "Dad told me you wanted to see me, Great-Auntie?"
"Skylar, dear. Come sit." She gestured to the open seat she knew was placed next to her, and Skylar crossed to sit in it. "I wish te inform ye of my plans fer the future of River Run."
She scrunched her eyebrows together. "Okay." She didn't understand why Jocasta thought that she should be discussed with on the matter.
"I felt it's important fer ye te know that I have decided to name Jeremiah Mackenzie as me heir."
She now understood. "Oh. Um, okay. I-I understand that. I mean, Jemmy was born well before Ollie, so it makes sense."
"Aye, that was one reason why I came te my decision."
Skylar sat up very straight. "Was there something else?" she asked, though she had a feeling she knew what the answer was about to be.
Jocasta paused, clearly trying to think of the best way to phrase it. "Ye must ken that the estate could not be run by a one who is...in the situation that wee Ollie is."
"And what situation would that be?" She could feel the mama bear in her start to rise and she was ready to fight to defend her son if need be.
"He was born te an unwed mother who continues te raise him, still unwed."
Skylar took a slow breath in and let it out. She knew this was a conversation that was bound to happen sooner or later with Jocasta. "He was made and born while his parents were married."
"It was not a legal marriage with any witnesses. Bein' born wi'in a handfast would not be enough fer him te make any sort of life fer himself in high society."
"As far as everyone knows, his father and I were legally married and he just isn't around anymore."
"I ken that's everyone's assumption. But wi' no definite answer from ye about where yer husband is, tis only a matter of time before people begin te ask questions."
"What are you implying?" Skylar was growing past frustrated and was almost at the point of anger.
"Ye need te start sayin' that Ian is dead. That he died before Oliver was born and is buried far off of this land." That pushed the young mother over the edge to anger.
She shot to her feet, unable to stay sitting still. "Are you being serious? How dare you give that sort of suggestion! I will not make that claim and let Ollie grow up believing that his father is dead!"
"This is no suggestion. Ye must. If the truth were te ever come out that he is a bastard, his life-"
Skylar very nearly grabbed her Great-Aunt's throat. "You do not use that word! You do not use that word to talk about my son!" Jocasta should have thought herself lucky to not be able to see the fury in Skylar's expression towards her or she might've dropped dead right then. She had caught the word had floating around once or twice in rumors about Ollie's parentage, and she was always quick to shut it down immediately. It made her see red every time the cruel label was mentioned and she'd be damned before Ollie ever heard it used for himself once he was old enough to understand it's meaning.
Jocasta tried to keep her voice calm, but her emphasis was sharp. "It isna fair, but it's how this world works. I ken that Ian was the love of yer life, but ye must accept that he is gone fer good. He is with the Indians and is no comin' back."
"You said the same thing to Bree about Roger, and he came back. He could still come back."
"Ye must let go of the naive and bright eyed dreamin' of a young girl. Ye are a grown woman now, and a mother. Ye must do what must be done, fer the sake of yer son. And then, once it is understood that yer poor dear husband met such an untimely end, ye will marry at the earliest opportunity."
Skylar cackled in disbelief. "And the hits just keep on coming!" She turned her back to Jocasta and crossed her arms, gritting her teeth so that she wouldn't say the things she so wished she could. She could feel her face burning from anger.
"Oliver needs a father and ye need a husband. There is no two ways about it. Ye need someone who will be able te support ye and yer family."
She spun back around with her retort. "Ollie has a father and I have no intention of ever replacing him. We are doing fine on our own."
Jocasta let out a huff and folded her hands in her lap. "It appears we are only goin' in circles here."
"Yes, we are." It was silent for a moment and the tension felt unbearably heavy.
For her final effort, Jocasta said, "Heed me words, Skylar. Sacrifices must be made fer not only yer child's reputation, but yer own as well. Ye ken how gossip spreads, and if word starts gettin' around that ye've a child out of wedlock, it will ruin yer family's name and all that Jamie has worked so hard te build."
Skylar had nothing more left to say that she hadn't already, and repeating herself would not change Jocasta's mind. She took a deep breath through her nose and just said, "Good day, Great- Auntie," and walked away without another word.
She needed to get as far from Jocasta as fast as she could so that she didn't end up murdering her. She headed to her bedroom to check on Ollie, all the while thinking furiously, What the fuck is wrong with that woman? She really thinks I can just throw everything away and start over like it's nothing? Just because she's able to husband hop doesn't mean I can move on that fast.
When she walked into the kitchen, she had such tunnel vision that she didn't notice Jamie or Claire until Jamie caught her and brought her back to them.
"Woah there, lass. Is there some danger we dinna ken about?" She didn't understand what he meant, but then remembered she had been walking at such a high speed she was practically jogging.
"Sorry. I didn't realize I was going so fast."
"What's wrong, darling?" Claire asked her, able to hear it in her voice as well as see it in her face that she was, at the least, extremely frustrated or annoyed.
"Nothing."
"I know you well enough by now that I have a hard time believing that."
"It's nothing, really." She crossed her arms. "Just stupid stupid 18th century society rules."
Jamie had a feeling he knew where this was coming from and cleared his throat. "Did, uh, whatever Aunt Jocasta have te say te ye have somethin' te do wi' this?"
Skylar hesitated, unsure of whether to tell them about the pleasant visit she had just had with the older woman. But she knew that if they knew what the issue was, they would try to get her to talk about Ian and then worry about her even more than they already were. So she decided to just push the topic away.
She let out a long sigh and told them, "I really don't wanna talk about it right now, I just came to check on Ollie. I'm sorry I interrupted your conversation."
"Ye didna interrupt anythin', a leannan."
"Just some more stupid rules of 18th century society," Claire added.
Skylar could tell that whatever they had been discussing, it was not good. "What's going on?"
Claire looked over at Jamie to explain.
"Governor Tryon is wantin' me te form an army fer if, and when, it comes time te battle wi' the Regulators."
"Omigod. What about Murtagh? Is he still safe here? He's like, Public Enemy Regulator number one in Tryon's eyes."
When Jamie had gotten his order do Tryon to hunt and kill Murtagh, he figured the safest place he could be was on the Ridge, since no one would ever think he would be hiding out there. He lived not even a half mile from the Big House in his own larger lean-to. He didn't ever dare come to them, but Jamie, Skylar, and the rest of their family made several treks out to see him. But now that Tryon was getting much more serious about taking down the Regulators, Skylar wasn't sure if being here was good enough anymore.
"I'm tryin' te figure out what the best thing te do fer Murtagh is. But in the meantime, te form this army, I'm needin' te recruit all the men of the Ridge who are of age and able-bodied." He glanced back at Claire. "And that includes Roger Mac."
Skylar didn't hold back on putting in her two cents on that. "He'll be dead in the first five seconds. He's not a solider. You've seen him hunt, or I should say attempt to hunt. He couldn't shoot a rabbit if it was trapped right in front of him. How the hell is he gonna kill a man who's trying to kill him too?"
Claire agreed with her. "That's what I was just saying to your father. But unfortunately, as stupid as it is, it's what's expected of him and, especially as Jamie's son-in-law, he must follow through."
"Good luck explaining that to him and Bree. I'm sure they'll be all for it," Skylar said with obvious sarcasm. She looked to her room's closed door when she heard Ollie start fussing. "If the Redcoats want to defeat the Regulators so bad, just have them all take care of an infant. They'll be way too exhausted to fight and they'll surrender immediately." She went into her room and closed the door behind her. When she went over to Ollie's crib, she saw him wide awake, whining and flailing his arms and legs. But as soon as his mom came into his view, a massive smile crossed his face and he was instantly happy.
"Hi, mister," Skylar said to him as she picked him up and cradled. "Did you have a nice nap? Yeah?" Ollie nuzzled his face into her chest and she sat with him in the rocking chair Jamie made for her. As she rocked gently, she felt him start to fall asleep again. She brushed her fingers over his hair and whispered, "It's you and me against the world, my love. You will never be alone. I will never leave you. You don't ever have to be scared of that."
She played back in her head all the times she had heard Ian say those exact words to her and how he had he meant it every time.
Even the last time. He meant it. He swore that once he returned to me, he would never leave me again. He wouldn't break that vow.
There was a small part of her still desperately holding onto the last tiniest shred of hope that he would come home, like he promised her he would the last time she saw him.
He always keeps his word. It could happen. She delicately touched her fingertips on her necklace. Mom, if you have any way of getting through to him, send him a sign or something, anything, please. Please tell him to come home. Bring him home to us, please. I need him and his son needs him. He belongs here.
Ollie let out a tiny yawn and curled more into Skylar. She wrapped her arms tighter around him and held him as close as he could get.
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"Skylar. Skylar, wake up." Skylar started awake. She sat up, confused that she was in her bed since the last thing she remembered was holding Ollie in the rocking chair. She looked beside her and saw Claire had been the one to wake her up.
"Where's Ollie?" she asked, slightly panicked.
"Jamie and I found the two of you sleeping like logs in your chair a couple hours ago, so I put Ollie in his crib and Jamie laid you in bed so you would both be more comfortable."
Skylar looked at Ollie's crib and let out a relived sigh seeing him sleeping peacefully still. When she turned back to Claire, she saw her expression was serious.
"Is something wrong?"
"You're going to want to come see this," was all Claire answered.
She no clue whatsoever what Claire was talking about and the vagueness definitely made her a bit nervous. But nonetheless, she got out of bed and followed her.
Claire led her outside to where all of the wedding guests were still huddled. Skylar saw Jamie there too. She was surprised to see him wearing a kilt, a sight she hadn't seen in a very long time. He was standing before the large group and next to the giant woven cross that he had placed there when they had found this spot for the Big House to "bring a bit of Scottish tradition," as he put it.
Skylar and Claire found Brianna and Roger in the crowd, and Fergus and Marsali joined them too. Skylar jumped back when Jamie suddenly lit the cross on fire.
"What's he doing?" she asked, but no one answered. Jamie had every eye and all attention on him, which was what he wanted. Then, he began to speak.
"In the Highlands, when a chieftain sets himself te war, he'll burn the fiery cross, sendin' a sign throughout the lands of his clan. It was a call fer his men te gather their weapons, come, prepared fer battle. We are friends, neighbors, countrymen. But we're not a clan, and I'm not yet chief. But I hope that if the time comes, ye will all stand by my side." No one made a sound while Jamie spoke, but Skylar looked around at the settlers and saw the men were all standing tall, staring unblinking at their leader, and it was clear that they would follow him off the edge of the world should he give the order. "We canna say what might befall us. By we must not only be willin' ye make oaths te our wives and loved ones, but ye our brothers in arms in this new country." He stopped pacing and stood opposite Roger, making strong eye contact so Roger, and everyone around him, knew what he said next was directed at him. "Stand by my hand." He held out his hand and waited for Roger to respond. Skylar held her breath through the incredibly awkward silence where Roger just stared back, not moving or saying a word. She put a hand on Bree's arm, whose eyes were locked on her husband, and she put her hand over Skylar's.
Finally, the silence was broken by Isaiah Morton speaking up. "I will promise te stand by yer side, Colonel Fraser." Everyone's focus shifted instantly from Roger to Isaiah, including Jamie's. He went up to Jamie and kneeled on one knee in front of him. He took out his dagger and held it up as he recited, "I swear, by the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, and by the holy iron that I hold, te give ye my fealty, and I pledge ye my loyalty. If ever my hand be raised against ye in rebellion, I ask that this holy iron pierce my heart." He kissed dagger to seal the oath and stood up, going beside Jamie.
To make sure he wouldn't get out of his duty, Jamie called him out by name. "Roger Mackenzie. Be a shield fer yer family and fer mine. Son of my house."
Skylar heard Brianna take in a sharp breath as Roger made his way to Jamie. She let go of her arm and took Bree's hand, letting her squeeze however hard she needed.
When he reached the middle, Jamie announced his new title. "Captain Roger Mackenzie."
Bree suddenly grabbed Skylar's arm tight with her other hand, and Skylar held onto that one as well to try to comfort her and ease the anxiety she could feel coming off of her. But it didn't go away as Roger gave the same oath and took his place beside their father.
Jamie continued his speech. "I want ye te ken that this act we're undertakin' forms a bond between us, the foundin' of a kinship in this New World. Just as ye give me yer word, I give ye mine. I will serve ye, as ye are swearin' ye serve me. And I will not light the cross again until the time has come fer us te do battle."
As the oaths went on, continuing with Fergus and then each man of the Ridge, Skylar only saw Ian every time. She knew wholeheartedly that had he been here, he would have been the first one to swear his loyalty and be ready to lay down his life to protect his family and home. She would be feeling the same way Bree was, terrified and worried beyond reason that her husband could get hurt. But as awful as it would be to feel that, she wished with her entire soul and being that she could. If she were feeling that overwhelming fear, it would mean Ian was here with her.
She closed her eyes and let a few tears run down her face as she imagined him standing next to her, promising her that whatever should happen, he would come home to her and their son.
She felt someone put their hand in hers and her head shot to look, for a half second, believing it could be him. But it was only Claire, taking her hand because she could see the cracks in the mask Skylar wore every day. She gave Claire a small kind smile in reply, and Claire returned it.
Skylar turned back to Jamie, but she didn't hear anything else he said that night. She just kept calling silently to Ian, Please be safe. Please be alive. And if you are, please, my love, please come home.
TRANSLATIONS
Nous devons être tranquilles – "We must be quiet"
Mo bhalach beag falt ruadh – "My little red haired boy"
Mo aon agus a-mhàin – "My one and only"
Mo bheannachd – "My blessing"
Solas mo bheatha – "The light of my life"
Nothing like a major extra long chapter to start us off. That being said, welcome to Forever and Then Some! We are officially up and running! I am so beyond excited to continue Skylar's story and for all of you to come along.
A quick BTW, I know that Marsali is supposed to already have had Joan at this point, but I need more time to go by, so I did make it so she is pregnant with Joan here on purpose. Even though I am trying to stick to the canon story as much as possible, this is still fanfiction so I can change it up a little should I need to lol
As you saw in the description, this fic is rated M for detailed sex scenes. Just like with trigger warnings, I'll put a heads up at the beginning of each chapter that involves sex.
I'm so excited that chapter one is up! I hope you liked it, and if you did, please please review, follow, favorite, or any combo.
I've missed ye and I love ye all verra verra much. See you back here next Sunday for chapter 2 :)