Chapter XLIV: Rest

Yami bounded ahead without a second glance. He tore across the ground as if he were a hunting dog, a blur of red against the undergrowth. He turned so fast in time with the rabbit that he barely missed. When he sprang a second later, it squeaked and he jumped backwards with a horrified look. It tore off into the bushes nearby and disappeared.

Yugi smiled and shook his head and Atem got to his paws from where he'd been laying with his eyes closed. Yugi wasn't sure why he seemed so tired recently, but he also thought it might have been the way he dealt with the shock. He'd seen their son—who prior had not even wanted to hunt because it meant killing an animal—rip his brother's jugular out. He'd been reminded of one of the most traumatic experiences of his life at the same moment he'd witnessed it, and he clearly had a lot on his mind at any given moment. Yugi was almost sure he was having nightmares again, but he didn't react as usual and Yugi wasn't sure what to make of it if Atem was not waking and moving about the den restlessly.

All he knew was they could not have been mild.

Atem looked as if he had not properly slept the entire three days that had passed since the incident. He looked exhausted, though he refused to express it. He still taught Yami and instructed him. He still snickered and teased the three of them. He even fished for himself or showed Yami how to execute the death blow when he thought he needed to.

Yugi couldn't imagine how he had the energy. In his place he felt he would have stopped moving and trying for a while. He would have left Timaeus and Atem to deal with Yami had it been him in the situation. He wouldn't have come back after the first night, he realized with a jolt. It would have been longer because he wasn't that strong.

He hated to give up ground when he was afraid or something went wrong. He fully believed in giving chances where it was necessary and trying his hardest to do what needed done. He believed in picking up pieces and dragging himself to his paws and trying but between the traumatic memories and the sight of Yami clinging to his brother's throat, knowing Yami had done something, Yugi would have needed more time. He would have needed time to process the new situation. His energy would have been drained. He'd have gone into a catatonic state as he had when he'd feared Atem was dead.

He'd stopped eating and sleeping, spending his nights pacing about the den he and Jonouchi shared. He'd stopped talking, whimpering at night sometimes and laying curled up in the corner while Shizuka and Jonouchi spent time together. Jonouchi had tried hard to get him to snap out of it, but it had only been when Shizuka approached him one night that he'd finally explained. The nightmares had eased when Shizuka had looked at him and said, "You're not showing much faith in him right now, Yugi. He's fine. If he's half as strong as you believe he is, he's fine."

Yugi looked at Atem as he spoke quietly to Yami. Their son peered up at him curiously and Atem shook his head as he continued. Atem wasn't made to shake and whimper in corners like Yugi had done that once. He was so used to pain, emotional or physical, that he often wasn't daunted by it anymore. But Yugi could see the exhaustion in his stance, even as he projected his usual strength.

It came in the tiny slope of his wings, the stillness of his long tail, the balance of his weight, the slight narrowing of his golden eyes, and even the way he held his head the smallest degree lower than usual.

He refused to show it, but Yugi knew well enough. He'd loved him long enough. He'd cared about him enough to study and note every movement and gesture Atem made. He knew when he was ill and refused attention. He knew it all.

Yugi glanced at Timaeus. The Knight Dragon lay in a small patch of sunlight about the trees, studying Atem as if he sensed it as well. After a moment, the teal male looked over, locking gazes with him, and gave him a small, tight smile. Yugi nodded and turned away, padding forward.

"Atem."

He looked over immediately, blinking. Yami stopped short and turned his head as well, eyes wide. The Gandora paused, looking between them for a moment. How was he supposed to tell Atem to try to get rest if Yami was there? Atem would utilize him as an excuse, or Yami would be disappointed or even see it as his fault that Atem was in this state.

"Can I speak to you a moment?" he asked finally, tilting his head. Atem blinked, staring, and glanced at Yami sideways. The hatchling looked between them, then turned and trotted off to meet up with Timaeus instead. Atem watched him go, then returned his attention to Yugi. He came over, blinking and studying him.

And for the first time Yugi noticed it. Atem was shifting his weight every step to stop himself looking exhausted. He wasn't limping as he should have been in this state, and he'd adopted the method so that it looked as if he were walking fine from any angle.

If Yugi hadn't known just how regal he was when he was healthy, he would have overlooked it entirely.

"Oh, Atem."

The God Dragon shook himself out and took a seat, grunting. Yugi wanted to snap at him, but the desire died immediately. Atem was exhausted and he knew he was pushing too hard. He'd lowered his head slightly to look at him from beneath the ridges of his brows, expression sheepish.

"I can't sleep."

Yugi nodded. "I know. I know you can't," he said quietly. He searched his face a moment, then glanced toward Timaeus and Yami. Timaeus had rolled over onto his back and Yami was bouncing atop his belly, laughing, "I'm the strongest dragon ever!"

Atem looked over and snorted, shaking his head with a small smile. "Timaeus wouldn't have ever let me do that when I was younger."

"You were mean and tried to fight him when he offered you free food." Yugi glanced over again and grinned when Atem snickered softly and turned back. He tilted his head and searched his face for a moment, then leaned forward to tap his formerly injured cheek. Atem's skin twitched and he immediately jerked back to face him, startled. "You need rest."

The God Dragon bristled awkwardly. "I know. I just can't."

Yugi smiled. "Well, how do you know? You haven't tried again yet today!" he said, hoping to sound upbeat. He didn't know that laying in the den with him would help Atem at all. The God Dragon could have even turned more restless and become frustrated being confined for all he knew. But it was worth a shot. Atem needed rest. And Yugi didn't want him to simply collapse from exhaustion. He'd seen heat stroke in animals before. He'd watched a cat drop and never get up. Atem wouldn't have suffered the same—the sun wasn't so terrible—but every time he saw an animal collapse he thought them dead and he feared it for Atem. "Come on! We'll leave Yami with Timaeus and we'll rest."

Atem stared at him as if he couldn't understand what he was saying. His head turned and he stared at Timaeus and his son, a strange and lingering glint in his eyes. He realized then. Atem was still scared of Yami. It wasn't as if he feared him in the sense he might hurt one of them, but he was afraid of what he'd done and the species he mirrored. He was terrified.

Yugi wondered not for the first time how often Atem saw that fight when he closed his eyes. In the last three days, he'd wondered so often he'd almost been unable to wipe the image from his head. And if he thought about it so often just because of the state Atem was in, how much worse did it have to be for him?

Yugi licked his cheek. Atem tilted his head toward him. "It's okay," he whispered, nuzzling his beak. "I promise. I won't let anything hurt you, remember?"

The God Dragon turned to him, staring. Yugi could see the gem on his forehead darkening like a self-contained storm. For a long time it was so gray it seemed black. And then it cleared to a brighter blue-gray once more. Atem got up, shaking himself out and stretching, and padded away without another word. He didn't look at Yami and Timaeus, nor Yugi, and kept a slow but steady pace in the direction of the den.

Yugi hurried after him, stopping just long enough to say, "I'm going to see if I can get him to rest", and then took off when he realized Atem had paused and looked over his shoulder at him. He smiled and hurried to his side. Atem didn't acknowledge him further than a glance, and they continued to the den in silence. It was only when Atem moved to the back of the den and took a spot that he spoke.

Atem was shaking from exhaustion, stretching his limbs out before laying his chin atop his paws. "What if he ends up turning violent?"

Yugi blinked, startled. "What?"

"Yami could kill all of us," he mumbled, eyes glazed and half-closed. He was breathing harder, but Yugi didn't think it was exhaustion so much as fear. "I couldn't stop him. He… He blinded me before. And he stopped me when I was fighting Bakura. He said it was to stop me killing both of us—he said he saw it."

The Gandora paused at his side, then moved to stretch out beside him. "I don't think he has a violent bone in his body," he said gently, looking him over. "I think he went after Bakura to save you. I don't think for even a second, Atem, that he would hurt you or me. I don't think he'd ever turn on any of us. I think he loves you enough that he did it, even though it's against his nature."

Atem shivered, a full body tremor that reminded Yugi of the throes of a dying animal. His hearts hammered and he had the impulse to lean forward and lick him, but Atem would have withdrawn again. He knew better. He knew Atem would fold away and refuse to speak again after.

"Yugi, I… He almost got me killed." Atem blinked and looked over. "I don't even care that he did that. I care about the fact that he can see me, can use his abilities on me. The others can't. Why can he?"

Yugi blinked and shifted his weight. "Probably because he's related to you."

"If he can do that…" Atem trailed off. The gem on his forehead turned black as slate stone and then he shuddered. He closed his eyes tightly and exhaled shakily. Yugi shifted closer and lay his chin on his shoulders to try to help quell the shaking. Atem wasn't scared anymore. He was just too tired to stop, he realized. "Yugi…"

"Yes?"

"If Yami is capable of this…"

Atem's scales twitched, elongating and folding away again. Yugi fought the urge to flinch away. He'd startled Atem once, jumping out without announcing himself, when they were newly mated. Atem had spun around, bristling with shock and fear, and smacked him with his tail. In the momentary confusion, Atem had dislodged one of his scales in Yugi's cheek. The entire thing had been more surprising than painful, until Atem had removed it. Then it had felt as if his flesh were on fire; he'd fled and stuck his head in the river sand nearby for an hour, then come back to see Atem giving him a dejected and mortified look.

It had taken hours to convince Atem he wasn't upset and the pain was completely gone, and he was sure for the next few days the God Dragon hadn't believed him, but it had passed eventually. Yugi remembered sometimes waking up to Atem watching him, as if trying to memorize his features and make sure he didn't do it again.

And it may have been something Yugi never wanted to experience again, but if he pulled away now, he knew Atem would feel as if he'd abandoned him. And Yugi would have rather have let Keith eat his hearts than let Atem think that.

"If Yami is so capable… Yugi, what does that mean for Seto's son? He…"

Yugi waited for him to continue, but he never did. The Gandora snuggled into his side and closed his eyes as Atem finally eased into unconsciousness.

"Is he asleep?"

Yami glanced at Timaeus sideways, then sighed softly and looked away. "Yeah. Yugi is awake and keeping vigil. Atem isn't…sleeping. He just exhausted himself until he couldn't stay awake any longer." Timaeus searched his face a moment, but smiled slightly as Yami shook his head and turned away. "But he'll probably recover some. I hope he recovers some. He's so scared. I didn't realize he was going to be so shaken up."

"He loves you. You know that, right?"

Yami snorted. "Of course I know that!" he snapped. He got to his paws and began pacing, scowling as he glared at the ground. "Yugi tells me, Atem tells me, you tell me. That's not… I don't question that. It's just that Atem is just… He's just afraid."

"He has a lot of suppressed memories and fears, Yami. Seeing you kill Bakura brought a few to the surface."

"That's just it, Timaeus." He shook his head and scowled. "He's not afraid of me because I'm a Uria. He's afraid of me because I'm…his."

Timaeus shifted his weight and looked at him. "What?"

"He's afraid of me because I'm his son. He's scared because he doesn't know what I'm capable of. And he's…so scared of what I can do. The others can't see him, sense him, or influence him. And I can. He's afraid of me because of that. But he's more afraid of what that means for Seto's clutch."

"What does it matter? They could eat Seto alive and I wouldn't mind."

"No, but Atem feels responsible. He Blessed the nest. And he's afraid doing that is why one of them is…" Yami shook his head. "He's more afraid of what's going to happen if I get a taste for violence after what happened with Bakura. Obviously Seto's clutch has a taste for it, or else those two dragonets wouldn't be dead. Atem's logic is that if they're so bloodthirsty and they were able to mess with him—and me, then what's going to stop me turning into a monster later, too? He's…"

He's afraid he's going to have to kill me.

Yami looked over. "I don't want to hurt anyone. I never have. Bakura was going to kill him. Even if Atem managed to kill him in a different position, Bakura was going to stab him through the eye with his tail. When I stopped Atem using his, it was because I saw him cutting his own jugular in the meantime. But he went limp like that, and Bakura couldn't aim properly, and if I didn't move right then and kill Bakura, he would have gotten the chance to drive his tail through his eye. It stalled him just long enough for me to kill him and keep Atem safe. But I didn't know what this would do to him just to witness it, Timaeus."

Timaeus stared at him with a confused, startled look. "Did you see this?"

"In a way," Yami mumbled, pausing and looking over slowly. "It's Atem's gift."

"I'm sorry?"

Yami shook his head and turned away. "You can't tell Atem what his gift is, and I can't risk him finding out. If he does… I don't know what will happen." He began pacing again. "If Atem finds out what his gift is, it could get him killed. So, I can't risk telling you or anyone else."

Timaeus snorted. "Really?"

He paused at the skeptical tone, then looked over. His body was warm with anger as he spat, "Do you think I don't want Atem to believe that he's a proper God Dragon? Do you not understand how much easier things would be if Atem didn't constantly doubt himself? I don't want him so upset with himself. I don't like to see him like that. He thinks half the time he's the reason Seto's nest is rotten. Because he thinks he's a false deity, because that's easier for him to acknowledge than the fact that he was wrong about letting the nest survive."

The teal dragon stared at him in shock for a split second. "Yami…"

"I know. You didn't mean it like that. I just… I can't explain it. Atem can't know what his ability is. If he does…" Yami shook his head and trailed off. "I can't tell you. It doesn't matter. I can't tell you."

"Okay."

Yami hesitated, then turned to face him again. He smiled after a moment, then leaned forward to rub beaks with him. He turned away again, sighing softly and shaking his head. "When Atem…hurt you," he said quietly, "were you upset?"

"Hmm? No. He was afraid. How could I be upset with that?"

"Even when he calmed down and was coherent again? Did you ever get upset with him then?"

"No. Why would I have? He didn't know what he was doing. He was scared and traumatized." Timaeus fell silent. "Why do you bring this up?"

"I was just curious."

"That's not something you ask about when you're curious, Yami."

He paused and looked over. "I do," he answered, smiling in turn. "I ask about that when I'm curious. How else am I going to get answers?"

"It depends on what answers you seek, Yami." Timaeus fell quiet again for a long time. And then he looked away with a shake of his head. He frowned and folded his paws toward his chest. "Every question has an answer you don't want, and the one you do."

"There are three sides to everything, Timaeus." He smiled and shook his head. "Atem taught me that. The ones affected are usually on opposing sides, and then the third is what actually happened."

"There are not three sides to this equation, Yami. Atem killed the Uria and was scared. I went to check on him before he'd recovered and he struck me in his panic. Atem might feel guilty about it, but it's okay. It's always been okay. I don't hold it against him." Timaeus tilted his head and got to his paws, stretching and yawning. "He wouldn't have done it if he wasn't so afraid. I forgave him when it happened. I'd do it again if he took my second eye out."

Yami nodded slightly. "You're amazing to do that."

"I guess." Timaeus shook himself out and looked around, peering into some undergrowth. "So, little flame, are we going to continue hunting lessons or did you want to keep talking?"

He paused and debated. Timaeus looked over and smiled warmly when he tilted his head and considered him. After a long moment, Yami looked up and studied his face. "Let's go hunting," he said finally.